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I was sleeping. Submerged deep in my dream, when he woke me, pulling. Slipping out of my unconscious took some effort, but I soon realized it was him whose ice cold hands were tugging at me. He sat hunched up at the foot of my bunk. I felt his breath on my cheek. It was dark and I couldn't see anything, yet I knew that there was no one else who would pull at my arm like this.
“Quiet” I whispered.
He didn’t say a word, yet his presence alone made it feel loud.
“I thought I’d never wake you”
“Quiet”
I touched his sleeve. It was soaked.
“I’ll get you something dry” I whispered to him. “Take it all off, now”
I slipped out of my pallet, and started to blind-search the room. I found some underwear and a sweater, and gave it to him. It was barely enough, but that had to do it. His skin was as cold as his hands.
“Get in my bed, it’s still warmed up”
He sighed, laying down.
“Do you have something to eat?”
“Just cognac. Sorry”
“It’ll do”
I took the bottle from the table and laid down next to him. I pulled the blanket over the both of us, and passed him the bottle.
He drank hastily, swallowing the burning liquid, desperate to warm up. Although I couldn’t see, I felt his whole body tense up and relax, stuck between shivers and complete stillness. A droplet of cognac rolled down his chin. He couldn’t be bothered to wipe it up.
When Jerry was done, he gave me the bottle.
“Have some for yourself” he uttered, his mouth stiff from the cold and the alcohol that he’d just drank. I took a swig. Then another.
I put the bottle down by the bed. Jerry pressed himself close, leaning into the warmth. I turned toward him, putting my arm around his back, pulling him in even more. His hair was wet from the rain, and I could feel the cold of his fumbling hands on my chest.
Both our breaths were steadying, slowly. I ran my fingers absentmindedly up and down his spine, until he shivered lightly under the touch. He was still cold, and I thought I would do everything to ease his pain, if only I could.
My thoughts started drifting back to our life before. There, at home. A faded memory creeped between my thoughts; our last walk home.
“Do you remember the day before we signed up? the day before our lives were changed forever… on that night, after everything you did for me. I wanted to tell you…”
I started, but couldn’t bring myself to finish. Jerry stirred. He raised his head, and his cold hand exhaustedly crawled up my arm. Even with his bony fingers, it was soft, and intimate, and it sent sparks all the way down to my fingertips.
And then he kissed me. Though his lips were cold still, it felt like molten iron being poured onto those of my own. He shivered all over, and I was burning and freezing all at once.
I thought back to the lake. It felt as if we were the carefree swans now; still among the mountains back home. As if we were laying on the grass, overgrown by moonflowers. Home. Jerry felt like home.
“Jeremiah Crowe. I love you. I always have, and I always will "I whispered into the kiss, quietly, afraid of being heard, by him, by myself. His hand squeezed my arm a little harder, before it traveled up, to rest delicately on my cheek.
“Alec. I love you too. I'm sorry for leaving. I won’t ever do that again” his breath felt warmer now, but the pain in his voice was settling deep in my stomach, twisting and tugging.
“I was so scared…” I felt myself tense around jerry.
“Not of dying” something wet appeared faintly where his face met my skin.
“But of not seeing you again. I never even said goodbye” he sniffled. Jerry was never one to cry.
I carefully wiped his tears away with my finger, lightly, like he was about to shatter in my hands. The night sky was becoming ashen, and in the dull, dim greys I caught a glimpse of his eyes, glistening with tears. Fierce. Kind. Familiar. I would know them everywhere; the captivating blues of the deepest lake and the farthest mountain peaks, the sky in the middle of November, and the rain that, instead of bringing that dismal cold, washes it all away.
“Shh… it’s okay now. You’re here. I’m here. And I’ll never lose you again. I promise.”
He looked at me and nodded ever so slightly, barely noticeably, and let out a quiet breath. Our eyes caught, through the veil of dust dancing in the air between us. The sky was grey.
“Can I kiss you again, Jerry?”
“Alec. Yes”
In the light of dawn, I was almost sure I could see specks of pink dancing on his pale skin. Lilies and rhododendrons.
“Now, we need to go. Run. Before they find us.”