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Sometimes, Yae Miko liked to indulge in the sweet reminiscences of the past. Those years she spent in peace, before nobody could even imagine that a tragedy such as the Cataclysm would occur.
As a kitsune, her memory had always been precise and unerring. Painfully so. She could never forget a single detail of the quiet afternoons she spent with the Shogun's kagemusha.
Ei had always been the quiet type, always serious and with an unfazed expression that made her shiver, especially knowing the task she fulfilled within the Shogunate's army.
At first, Miko thought of her as an emotionless clone of Makoto. Had she not known her voice was exactly like her sister's, she would not have had any idea of what Ei's sounded like in a long, long time.
However, she was proved wrong rather quickly. And after being approached by her apparently out of nowhere, they soon got to know each other. And, to Miko's surprise, they got along incredibly well: Ei's quietness was counterveiled by the kitsune's eloquence, and even when silence reigned between them, it always felt like everything but awkward.
They would spend hours on end reading together, only breaking the silence to criticise the characters' actions or the author's decisions.
Of course, they would also fight quite often. Ei's tendency to put everything on her shoulders without telling anyone about it, and then refusing to accept help, would make Miko reel in ire. She would frequently get hurt on the battlefield, filling the shrine maiden's heart with both worry and sorrow.
Stubbornness was Ei's greatest defect in the kitsune's eyes. She had always been like that.
Despite that, one specific memory about those days was seared permanently in her heart.
They were sitting together under a blossoming sakura tree, just like in the romance light novels they both knew all too well. Their conversation had ended long ago, so the pair was just enjoying the spring breeze after a long day. But when Miko was about to let her head fall on Ei's shoulder to doze off, the kagemusha put her hand on the shrine maiden's cheek.
Miko remembered with perfect clarity how her heart skipped a beat as she saw her friend stare at her, and how Ei's hand, calloused and scarred as expected from a war general, felt strangely gentle and soft when it came to touching her skin.
"Wha...?" but before Miko could utter a word, the kagemusha simply moved her hand away, showing her a sakura petal she was holding between her fingers.
"You had this on your hair."
Somehow, the kitsune felt equally relieved and disappointed, but as expected from a sly fox like her, she did not let go of the opportunity to tease.
"Oh? So you were staring at me?" though she was trying to look calm, her heart was beating like crazy inside her chest, for a reason she could not understand yet, at the time.
"What do you mean?" Ei tilted her head, looking as confused as oblivious.
"My hair and these petals are the exact same color. How could you notice, otherwise?" Miko tried, once again, to stop the racing in her chest by smirking.
But to her astonishment, the kagemusha did not hesitate to give her an answer. She did not doubt a single second, and her face showed that she was not teasing back, but merely stating an objective truth.
"I... guess I always pay tons of attention to you. That's how."
And oh, she was not expecting an answer like that.
Miko could recall the heat suddenly rising up within her, making her cheeks flush with a reddish pink as she broke eye contact with Ei.
"Oh... I... I see."
And then, when she dared to gaze up to the kagemusha again, she saw it.
It was the first time she had seen Ei smile.
She looked so... happy, amused, even. Her smile was tender and bright enough to drive Miko's cheeks back to red. She would never, she could never, forget that beautiful, innocent smile.
It soon turned into laughter. A pure, delicate, yet sincere sound that filled her ears with more bliss than she could have ever imagined. So much so that Miko did not even dare to speak a single word as to not interrupt that melody.
Something changed inside her heart that day, as she stared in awe at her friend, laughing and smiling as if she had been repressing those cheerful feelings for the longest of eternities...
... But that memory, although sweet, was long buried beneath tons of blood and time. Two of the filthiest words Yae Miko could think of.
Now, the face in front of her was everything but cheerful. Despite looking almost the same as centuries ago, this face not only lacked any sign of emotion, but also lacked the distinct scars the young kagemusha beared in those past days.
The kitsune stood calmly yet firmly before the other woman, who was staring at her with eyes devoid of feelings.
"I wish to speak with Ei, if you do not mind."
Miko frowned. Any other person would have thought to be in front of the true, the only God of Thunder and Eternity. However, she knew it was not her.
"Although I appreciate looking at her magnum opus of a puppet... I'd like to have a word with someone who actually listens."
The puppet sharpened her gaze at the kitsune's words.
"Her Excellency does not wish to be disturb-"
"It was not a question. I don't care what 'Her Excellency' wishes. She is in no position to demand anything right now."
Nobody would ever dare to speak in such a manner to the Raiden Shogun, even if it was only a puppet, for she had shown to posses almost the same authority and power as her creator. Nobody but Yae Miko, of course.
The puppet did not move a muscle. She stayed still and quiet, simply observing the kitsune as she approached.
Then, she closed her dull violet eyes, and upon opening them again, a distinctive amethyst bright shade replaced the previous dead stare. Now, those eyes showed a much gentler gaze after realizing who was in front of her.
"Miko." her voice also sounded higher in pitch and softer.
Hearing her name, the kitsune smirked.
"Why are you here this late at night?"
The sun had already set hours ago, and now, only tension and silence reigned inside the Tenshukaku's throne room, where the two women stood in front of one another.
Yae Miko could not help but feel nostalgic, yet the feeling was quickly brushed away. They both had changed a lot in all those centuries, and the shades of their past selves had long faded away.
Ei was no longer a kagemusha, but the Shogun herself. And Miko was no longer just a shrine maiden, but the Guuji herself.
"Hm... Take a wild guess." the kitsune sounded as calm as she could bring herself to.
The Shogun stayed silent a few seconds, staring at Miko's eyes with a somewhat puzzled expression, as if trying to decipher the Guuji's intentions. This look in Ei's face only made her internal anger grow, and the fur of her ears instinctively bristled.
"Ah, you're here in hopes of convincing me to abolish the Vision Hunt Decree, correct? As I said earlier already, I am taking my time to-"
"No." it was the second time she interrupted a Shogun in a matter of minutes.
After being so abruptly cut off, Ei's expression became even more confused as she watched Miko get even closer to her.
"Do you really think I would come all the way here just for that?"
The Raiden Shogun did not respond. Instead, she bowed her head after feeling the repressed anger in the kitsune's eyes. She did not understand what made her so furious, but she knew she had done something to upset her that had nothing to do with her political decisions. Could it be...?
While she was trying to figure out what it was, Yae Miko spoke again. This time, her ire became more evident, and her tone was more hostile.
"Why did you not reach out for me? Why was it ME who had to come here to see you?" and yet, she managed to look composed at the same time.
Ah, so that was it.
"I... Because I was taking my time to decide how to proceed now. Important decisions must be made after much consideration."
There was a lingering odor of rage in the room. Miko was not cursing or screaming, she was not throwing insults at her nor was she intending to physically harm her. However, every stare she gave and every word she said irradiated resentment.
And it was not unjustified. How? How dared she? How dared Ei say such a thing?
"Is that all you have to say for yourself?" the sound of Miko's heels echoed through the room as she approached the Shogun.
"Miko, I..."
"You left."
Suddenly, Ei's eyes filled with gloom as she stood barely a meter away from the Guuji.
"I already told you. It was necessary." even then, she did not sound confident in her own words.
Repentment?
"You did not even say goodbye. You just... left. You left me alone."
Now, Miko's tone shifted against her will. She was no longer only angry. She sounded hurt. Which only made the Shogun stare at the floor.
"I know."
"And when I was finally able to contact you again, you returned to isolation. It took a foreign traveler to take you out of there just for you to shut in once more."
Ei's memories flashed before her eyes as she looked away, avoiding Miko's accusatory gaze.
"You sounded so... happy when you saw me after all these centuries. Yet you chose to just let me go. Why?"
The Shogun remained quiet for a few painful seconds until she dared to look at the kitsune again. She could feel the sorrow filling the Guuji's voice, and she was able to tell that it took all of her will for it not to break.
"Because the sight of your eyes pleading me to come back shook my will in such a way that I felt like I could let go of my dream of Eternity."
Silence took over once again. She could not possibly be lying. Ei could be stubborn, secretive and distant at times, but never a liar.
"And even then, it seems it wasn't enough for you."
The Shogun closed her eyes for a moment, losing the chance to reply.
"I wasn't enough for you to stay."
Ei's eyes widened upon hearing such words, and her gaze was met with a sorrowful expression in the kitsune's face.
Miko had always been the kind of person who concealed her emotions. Maybe as part of her nature as a kitsune, it was impossible for others to tell what she was thinking of, much less what she was feeling.
But right now, it was written all over her face.
She was devastated. Her eyebrows lowered and pulled closer together and her lips were contorted as if she was trying to refrain from screaming. Even her fangs were showing, making her look like a helpless prey desperately trying to stand her ground against a predator.
Except that the threat was not Ei, but her own emotions alone.
"I didn't mean that, Miko. I made a promise to Inazuma, to Makoto, and to you. The Plane of Euthymia is the only hope I have to achieve Eternity."
Seeing her Guuji like this was like having an arrow shot in the heart. It was her duty, but... was it worth it?
Ei opened her mouth to say something more, but she was once again interrupted.
"I never wanted Eternity. I want you."
Her words were met with the loudest of silences.
Not because the Shogun did not know what to say, but because she froze when she saw a single tear run down Miko's cheek. Another followed. And then, one more.
The kitsune's lips trembled as she closed her eyes, trying desperately to stop the tears from flowing. She could not afford to break. She could not possibly cry in front of the Shogun. Not in front of Ei. Crying was not "her thing". The mighty and cunning Yae Miko did not cry. So, stop. Stop it already. But her knees felt weak and her heart ached as if it was being burned by the most scorching flames.
She tried to breathe in to calm herself, which only caused a brief whimper to leave her throat.
"I never cared about war, about Eternity, not even Inazuma. I have only ever wanted you to be by my side. And you left when I needed you the most."
Her vision was blurred by the endless tears coming out of her eyes, so she could not tell what expression Ei had on her face.
She wanted to stop talking. But she could not do so. It was as if her tongue was moving on its own.
"You are the only thing I have left in this world. Then, why do we feel like strangers?"
Those words were not coming from her mouth, but directly from her heart. The walls that had shielded it for all those centuries melted away the second she heard Ei's voice again, the second she saw those eyes once more, that smile...
Without realizing, Miko's knees touched the floor beneath her, and she was clenching her fists with so much force that she clawed her own palms, making them bleed.
She knew that feeling all too well, and it sent her back to the day everything fell apart before her very eyes.
Saiguu disappeared, Makoto was killed in a foreign land, and Ei returned only to drown herself in grief, becoming unrecognizable. She left too.
She lost everything. She had nothing. And all she could do was wait in silence, enclosure her heart so it would become unreachable and impossible to hurt again.
She felt defenseless. The only protection she had was gone now, and her heart was on full display for everyone to see. For anyone to stab. Her breathing became more ragged...
Until gentle fingers took her hands, and before she could process what was happening, warm arms wrapped around her neck and shoulders. Soft hands caressed her back and a familiar face pressed her cheek against hers.
"Miko, I'm sorry. I'm... so sorry."
Her tears stopped for a second as she recognized Ei's voice. And she was brought back to reality once again.
"I'm sorry for not noticing how important I was for you. I'm sorry for leaving you behind. I'm sorry... for everything."
Miko wanted to push her away, to get up, turn her back and leave.
But she could not bring herself to do it. Instead, she clutched Ei's clothes and clung onto them. She buried her face, wet from tears, into her shoulder and her crying soon turned into sobbing.
Even though she wanted to stop, she... could not. So she cried her heart out. The Guuji Yae Miko sobbed loudly on her God's shoulder for a while. She let all of her sorrow and longing fall on Ei's clothes and skin. And the God held her kitsune tightly, stroking her hair, her shoulders, her ears, and not letting her go.
"I don't care about erosion. Even if you someday erode, I will be by your side. I don't need your promises or your power. I need you, Ei."
"I know."
And silence reigned once more, only interrupted by Miko's gasps and whimpers, which, after a while, ceased almost completely. But her face remained hidden in Ei's shoulder.
"Don't leave me again. Stop trying to place all the burdens of this nation on your shoulders."
Her words did not meet any response, so the silence was prolonged a bit more.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
...
"I love you more than you could ever know, Miko. I have missed you more than anything."
The kitsune's grip tightened, but she kept quiet.
"In the last five centuries, I have only been able to picture your image in my thoughts. Your smile, your eyes, the sound of your laughter and the shape of your lips. It was all I could think about."
"Liar."
"... I'm not."
With her eyes still swelled up and red from crying, Miko laughed. She knew she was no liar.
Ei gently pushed her away to be able to look at her face. Their eyes met, and the Shogun could tell right away that the giggle she had just heard was only a desperate attempt from the kitsune to hide her true sadness again.
She cupped her face with her hands and stared at her.
"Well, I thought of more things too. But you were the main character of my meditation."
Miko laughed again, trying to break free from Ei's grasp, but she was unable to.
The Archon frowned.
"What are you laughing at?"
"Don't try to say romantic stuff ever again, please."
It was all just a cover up. Ei knew it. So she sighed, and her gaze turned serious once again. Miko seemed to understand and her smile faded almost completely.
"But I do mean it. I love you."
When the kitsune was about to tease again, her words were drowned with a kiss.
Ei's lips pressed against Miko's, preventing her from saying anything.
The kitsune's ears perked up and her eyes widened visibly as she was taken aback. Her first instinct was to break away, but her brain caught up with what was going on just on time. She immediately closed her eyes and placed her hands on the back of Ei's neck, bringing her closer.
And suddenly, all her worries were washed away in a matter of seconds. Her heart was filled with a tranquil bliss and her wavering emotions were soothed so easily it was even embarrassing. Although Ei had never been especially good at kissing, her lips were careful and gentle as always, enough to make the kitsune melt into them.
How on Teyvat was Raiden Ei able to perform such magic with just one kiss, Miko could never know.
But the truth was that when they separated, the Guuji's heart felt lighter, as if the heaviest of weights had been lifted from it.
"Do you believe me now?" Ei spoke, with sincere worry in her eyes.
Miko looked away while her ears returned to their previous position, low at both sides of her head.
"Not exactly."
The Shogun understood what her kitsune wanted from her. After all those years, she had become able to "decode" her words.
So she kissed her again. And again. And again. She kissed her on the lips. On the cheek. On the forehead. She kissed her nose. She kissed her tears. And with each kiss, Miko felt as if her soul was being healed bit by bit.
"I know kisses won't erase all the years of solitude I made you endure, but... Will you, perhaps, let me try to make it up to you?"
"How do you intend to do so?"
"However you ask me to."
"Then I'll ask you to stay."
"... As you wish."
With a brand new promise at hand, Miko leaned in to kiss Ei once again. This time, it was not a goodbye-kiss, nor a see-you-later one. It was a welcome-back one.