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Myka
Jana knows very well that she has no reason to feel this way. In fact, she doesn't even know why she feels this way. But she's taken stock of her emotions, and she's come to the conclusion that she feels jealous.
She's jealous. Her: Jana Ramos, team captain, star volleyball player. It's honestly a little bizarre. People are jealous of her . That's usually how it goes. That's the natural order of things.
But now, as she watches their new player -- Asuncion -- Ace -- hug Myka from the other side of the court, she feels that strange twinge in her chest. All at once, she's flustered, annoyed, and hurt -- deeply, deeply hurt. It's not even because the juniors just beat them in what is certainly her last intrams. She grits her teeth when Myka squishes Ace's cheeks and tells her something Jana can't hear. But it adds to the anger that Jana feels, and she stomps her feet as she walks past them and to the exit.
"Oy, Jana!"
Myka is determined to get on her nerves today, it seems. Jana rolls her eyes before she turns to Myka, eyebrow already arched.
"Ano?"
"Panalo ako sa pustahan," Myka says, looking smug. "Ace, dala mo 'di ba?"
Ace looks a little stunned, but Myka elbows her and she snaps out of it. "O-oo, dala ko." She rushes to her bag and grabs the jersey, which she asked her mother to wash very well and to fold carefully. She walks back to where Jana and Myka are having a staredown, their team captain looking increasingly furious.
"Ah, Jana … Eto." She holds out the jersey, in its blue and yellow glory, to Jana. Their team captain stares at it for a long moment -- so much that Ace feels her face burn hot in shame and she moves to pull away. But Jana doesn't allow her the chance: she grabs Ace's arm and takes the jersey from her with a strange look on her face.
She doesn't say thank you. Instead, Jana nods and goes: "Siyempre, I'll hold up my end of the deal." Then she gives Myka another withering look -- Myka just smirks at her -- before marching out of the gym.
The next day, Jana shows up to her first class already wearing the Asuncion No. 8 jersey. She does not take it off the whole day. Myka laughs when she sees her but all Jana feels is a hot rush of satisfaction. It's not her preferred No. 2, and there's no line under the digit to signify captaincy. But somehow, wearing this No. 8 feels a different kind of right.
*
"Duncil"
The basketball court is different tonight, because there are plenty of boys who are talking trash to each other while taking turns shooting at the hoop. Jana knows she'll find Ace here because even though the taller girl is beginning to love volleyball, it's clear what her first love is.
Ace has told her before that her neighbors are usually reluctant to let her play with them, so Jana is a little surprised when she sees Ace talking animatedly with one of the boys. He has short hair and is in full basketball gear, with a jersey that says "Duncil" at the back. Jana hates him immediately, without having talked to him for a single second or even knowing his real name.
She sees Ace smile at the boy and feels a surge of anger. Immediately, Jana tamps it down; she has to get a hold of herself. Is she allowed to feel like this? Sure, she and Ace had danced in this very court a few nights ago, and they kissed and held hands and Jana felt comfortable enough to trust Ace with her secrets. But what are they, really? It's not like they put a label on anything. So who is she, to feel this sort of jealousy?
"Jana!"
She has to take a deep, calming breath before lifting her hand to wave at Ace, who immediately bids goodbye to the boy she's talking to -- Duncil -- and runs towards her.
"Hi!" Ace says, eyes crinkling and dimples appearing as she smiles. "Buti nakarating ka."
"Sabi mo kasi, maglalaro ka," Jana says.
"Oo." Ace directs her to a space where she can sit, meticulously cleaning the area before she lets Jana take a seat. "Okay ka lang dito?" she asks.
"Oo naman," Jana says, though she's not sure. Ace beams at her, though, and gives her a thumbs up before her name is called by the boys, and Jana wonders if she just imagined it, but Ace leans down to kiss her cheek before she runs back to the court.
"Ace, sino 'yan?" the boy -- "Duncil" -- asks. He looks curious, when he continues. "Jowa mo?"
Ace doesn't miss a beat. "Oo," she says, loud enough for Jana to hear. She gives Jana a wide grin before she turns her attention back on the court, and receives a crisp pass from "Duncil." A few seconds later, she swishes a shot, and Jana finds herself cheering loudly.
Jowa , she thinks, feeling giddy and happy and yes -- just a little smug. She yells when Ace makes another shot and ignores the amused looks that she gets from the other people watching.
Later, Ace will laugh when Jana tells her that she got a little teeny-tiny bit jealous of "Duncil."
"Jana," Ace would say, her name rolling off her tongue with great fondness. "Unang-una, lalaki siya. Pangalawa, na-mine na kita, 'di ba? Bakit pa ako titingin sa iba?"
*
Felines setter
They need just one more win to get to the regionals and Jana knows she should be focusing on that. She is focused on that, except the setter of the other team has been talking so much trash the whole game and she is this close to losing her temper.
"Tangina, daming sinasabi," she mutters under her breath.
"Relax lang, cap," Patty says, eyeing Ace who is jogging in place in the reserve box. She fervently wishes that they'd score in this rally, so that she can serve and Ace can take her place in the front row. Jana is giving off some truly beast mode energy right now and Patty doesn't think she should be the one to deal with her.
"Relax naman ako," Jana snaps, and Patty winces. The middle blocker sighs in relief when Tin does well on the serve and Cla signals for a combination play. She jumps and feints a hit, grinning when she sees Jana soar behind her for the kill.
Jana's mood improves when Ace steps back onto the court, and their teammates pretend not to notice when the rookie places a comforting hand on their captain's back, as if to calm her down. Ace immediately scores on a quick hit upon her re-entry, and Jana rewards her with a wide smile and a brief hug.
"In fairness," the setter of the Felines says, "Gumaling ka na, Asuncion." She laces her words with a flirtatious smile and Jana sees red .
"Dami mong talak, 'di mo kita tambak kayo?" she snaps.
"Kayang-kaya 'yang habulin," the setter retorts, not taking her eyes off Ace. Jana takes the challenge for what it is and steps closer to their opponent.
"Jana," Ace says, softly. "'Wag mo nang patulan."
"Ikaw, pwede kong patulan," the Felines setter says, and Ace turns to her in shock.
"Ha?" she asks, at the same time that she hears Jana say -- "Tangina neto --"
Ace holds back her girlfriend -- and their team captain -- but just barely. She's inches away from crossing the net but Ace manages to pull her away from the other team's playmaker before she does something that she'll regret. She grasps Jana's wrist gently but firmly, and puts her other hand on her shoulder.
"Jana, tapusin na natin 'yung game, okay?" she says. "Three points na lang, o." She looks at the Felines setter, who is watching them with amusement. "Pag nanalo tayo, ano pa masasabi niya?"
As it turns out, a lot. Because they score three points in a hurry -- an ace from Patty, a block from Ace, and a one-two play from Cla -- but their celebration is muted because Jana is still looking at the Felines' setter with fire in her eyes. She shakes hands with the Felines' team captain but just glares at their setter even as she passes her on the other side of the net.
"Oy, Asuncion, sure ka na ba diyan sa San Lorenzo?" the setter asks, voice sickly sweet. "Bakit 'di mo kami i-try?"
Jana grits her teeth. She and Ace haven't made things public yet but her teammates are not fools, and she knows the setter from the Felines isn't dumb, either. It's not like they've been subtle about anything. Jana knows the other player is trying to get a rise out of her, and she's been succeeding all throughout the match.
She clenches her hands into tight fists, and takes a deep breath, ready to whirl around and give the setter a piece of her mind.
Ace doesn't let her.
"Ah, kahit 'wag na," Ace says, shaking her head and making sure that her hand is out of the setter's reach. "Okay na okay ako dito sa San Lorenzo."
She raises her head as she speaks, and makes sure to look at Jana. Ace watches as her girlfriend smiles, and gives the Felines' setter a shrug. "Anyway, good game," she says, before moving forward and joining Jana at the sidelines.
"Okay na okay ka dito?" Jana asks softly when Ace stands next to her.
Ace hums in agreement. "Mas okay pa sa okay," she says. "Fun-fun dito eh, 'di ba?"
Jana laughs under her breath. "Fun-fun," she mutters. "The fuck."
*
Saints open hitter
Losing sucks . Losing when you're oh-so-close to victory sucks even worse, and Jana has to fight to keep the tears at bay as they walk out of the gym that became the venue of their defeat. This had been it -- her last chance. She remembers telling Ace that she wants to graduate with a championship and sighs as she realizes that it will never happen.
"Uy," Ace says, putting an arm around her shoulders, uncaring that their teammates are smirking at them. "Okay ka lang?"
"Okay lang," Jana says, and it's not a lie. Losing sucks, yes, but Ace is holding her close and she can still remember how it feels to kiss her in front of an audience and not be afraid. Maybe there are silver linings to this, she thinks.
"Alam ko na it's not the same pero, ibabawi namin kayo next year," Ace says. There's a steely determination in her voice and Jana knows that she will do everything to fulfill her promise.
She's about to respond when a loud voice from behind interrupts their moment, and immediately, Jana recognizes the speaker. She rolls her eyes.
"Asuncion!"
Jana has had a long-running rivalry with the Saints' open hitter and now here she is, walking towards them with a wide grin, gaze solely focused on her girlfriend. She bristles and steps in front of Ace, bracing for a fight. Behind them, their teammates fidget nervously, knowing that Jana will not hesitate to throw hands, if it comes to that.
"Anong kailangan mo?" Jana asks, knowing that she's being rude and not caring.
"Hindi ikaw kausap ko," the Saints' open hitter tells her dismissively. "Asuncion, uy."
Ace is wide-eyed and nervous, and her gaze shifts to Jana before she says, "Uh, hi."
"Pwede bang magpa-picture?" the Saints player asks. "Feel ko lang kasi magiging star ka eh. So uunahan ko na iba." She gives Ace a dimpled smile and takes out a digital camera. "Ramos, pwede mo kaming picture-an?"
Jana glares at her, and then looks at Ace furiously, as if daring her girlfriend to take a photo with the other player. Ace has a panicked expression and she turns to their teammates, wordlessly asking for help. None of them seem to want to approach them, but Jela shakes her head, ever so subtly, and Ace takes the hint.
"Ah, 'wag na lang siguro," she says. She makes a point of linking her fingers into Jana's, and squeezing closer to her girlfriend. "Talo din naman kami eh, parang 'di naman tama na sa akin ka pa magpa-picture."
The open hitter just smiles at that. "Eh 'di magpa-picture ka sa akin? Pwede rin 'yun."
Immediately, Ace shakes her head. "Ayaw ko," she says, voice firm. "'Di naman kailangan 'yan." She stands her ground when the Saints player raises an eyebrow at her, and Ace says: "Jana, tara na?"
"Your loss," the Saints' open hitter says as they walk away. "Your second loss, actually. Talo na naman kayo, 'di ba, Ramos?"
For what seems to be the thousandth time that day, Jana rolls her eyes. She'd whirl around to give the Saints player a few choice words but Ace holds on to her hand, and shakes her head. Jana finds she can't deny her girlfriend, not when Ace looks at her with that smile that deepens her dimples and crinkles her eyes.
"'Wag mo na pansinin," Ace tells her. "Uwi na tayo."
Nothing her rival says can bother her, after that. Instead, Jana presses closer to Ace and they walk to their van, where their teammates are already waiting. Myka looks pleasantly surprised that no violence occurred, and she joins Patty at the back of the van while Ace and Jana take the middle seats.
"Are we good to go?" Coach Jules asks, sitting in the passenger seat.
"Yes coach," Jana answers for the team, and Ace moves to close the van's door. Before she does, she gets a glimpse of the Saints' open hitter, observing them with her arms crossed over her chest.
It may be a little out of character for her, but Ace truly didn't appreciate how the opposing player spoke to her girlfriend. So she frowns at the Saints player and all but slams the door close.
When she leans back against her seat, she finds Jana looking at her with an unreadable expression on her face. Before she can ask her for an explanation, Jana is reaching out for her hand and grasping it tightly in hers.
Neither of them speak, and none of their teammates and coaches comment on it. But both of them have silly, satisfied grins on their faces throughout the entire ride home, and neither of them let go of each other's hand.
*
College teammate
Jealousy is foreign to Ace. That's more Jana's forte -- Jana who gives every girl who tries to approach her the evil eye and a threatening glare. It's funny to Ace because she may have been the first one to say "mine," but she's been Jana's since the moment they bumped into each other outside of Coach Jules' office.
So it took her a while before she figured out exactly what she's feeling, while she watches Jana interact with one of her teammates on her college team. Ace has made the trip to the city so she can visit her girlfriend, because they vowed to make this relationship work even though they're now in different schools. So far, it's been working -- they call each other every night and they make sure to see each other at least once a month. This month is Ace's turn to make the trip.
She wishes she didn't.
She watches as Jana slaps her teammate's arm, and laughs at whatever joke she makes. She looks away and frowns, and blows out a breath.
She wonders if she should leave.
She's taken a step towards the exit when firm arms -- familiar, warm, dearly missed -- wrap around her from behind.
"Dito ka lang," Jana murmurs, face pressed against her back.
"Eh, may iba ka atang kausap eh," Ace says, trying to sound unbothered.
Jana raises her head. "Sino? Si Perez?" she asks, and Ace shrugs. Jana laughs. "Libero namin. Jowa ni cap," she explains. Ace shrugs again, and Jana moves so that they're face-to-face. "Bakit?" she asks, and now there's an impish look on her face that Ace recognizes. "Selos ka?"
"Hindi ah," Ace denies immediately, but Jana reads her easily and she giggles. Uncaring that they're inside the school gym, she leans up for a kiss. Ace returns it eagerly.
"Selos ka eh," Jana says, when they pull apart. She smiles again, this time fondly, and brushes the tendrils of hair across Ace's forehead. "Cute mo mag-selos," she continues, "Pero 'di mo naman kasi kailangang mag-selos, 'di ba?"
Finally, Ace allows herself to frown a little. "Sorry," she says, and oh , how that word brings back a thousand memories. "Alam ko naman 'yun," she adds, "Siguro 'di ko lang mapigilan."
Jana chuckles as she laces her fingers through Ace's, loving how their callouses match. She recalls a conversation that seems so long ago, when she told Ace about wanting to give up volleyball and one reason is so she can hold hands with someone and not worry about the roughness of her hands. The callouses, the rough marks and the little scars -- apparently, they don't matter. Not when the person holding her hand has all the callouses, the rough marks, and the little scars to match.
"Na-mine mo na ako, matagal na," she reminds Ace. "Wala ng bawian 'yun."
"Talaga?" Ace asks, and now there's that familiar smile on her face, her eyes crinkling at the corners, her dimples appearing.
"Oo," Jana says, and then she grins. "Pero ulitin mo nga, para lang sure."
Ace wraps an arm around her shoulders, and draws her closer. For a moment, they're transported back in time, to a blazing hot rooftop, where Jana counts tickets in her hands and Ace shields her from the sun. She feels Ace's lips against her temple, feels her brush a kiss there, before she whispers the word that for them has always carried the entirety of their story.
" Mine. "