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What are you doing there in your cage, while everybody's going somewhere
"Morning fellas" You said entering the kitchen, where everyone was sitting there having breakfast except for Bucky and Steve.
"Hey short stuff" Tony said raising his coffee mug and going back to reading something on his phone
Making your way to the table, you walked past Thor and poked him on the left shoulder only to go to his right and steal half a pop tart resting on his plate. When he turned again and saw something was missing in front of him. He started seeking from left to right, up and down for the thief, his confused expression changing to a smile when he saw you eating the tart
"Lady (y/n)!" He playfully scolded you. You blowed him a kiss and kept walking.
You took your usual seat next to Natasha and rested your head on her shoulder. She petted your head and you gave a small purr. You heard her chuckle and looked up to see her smiling at you.
Standing up, you went to the counter to grab your mug, the one with an image of The Beatles printed on it, and pour some chocolate milk, going back to your spot on the table.
"Good Morning" Steve entered the kitchen with a sigh and a tired look in his really cute face.
"Hey Stevie!" You greeted with the most humanly voice you could manage with half a cookie stuffed in your mouth, but probably failed and totally sounded like Chewbacca had possessed your body.
Steve smiled sweetly at you, anyway, and grabbed his mug from the counter.
"What's up Cap? You look like someone just cancelled your favorite tv show" Clint said, noting Steve's demeanor
"Come on, Steve, 'The Adventures of Oky Doky' was cancelled more than 70 years ago. It's time to let it go" Tony said with a pouty mouth, to which Steve responded with an eye roll. He then took the empty seat next you, and poured himself some hot coffee.
Everyone started making small talk, and you noticed someone was missing "Hey Steve, where is Bucky?" He sighed
"I don't know. He had another nightmare. I heard some screaming at 3 am coming from his room and when I got there he was sweating and crying." He was looking at an empty space somewhere in the room, and then turned to you "He said he wanted to be alone and left the room" A sad smile on his lips.
"I'm sorry Steve. I know you're doing all you can to help him remember who he is" You rubbed his arm in a tender way and felt the muscles relaxing a bit under your touch "I can go talk to him, maybe?"
"I think that's a good idea. You know, you always seem to calm him and cheer him up (y/n)" You felt your cheeks warming up at that.
You liked Bucky a lot. It was something like an instant crush when he entered the room that first time after the incident in DC. You've always been tender and nice to him, flirty sometimes, but always careful not to make him uncomfortable and, indeed, he always seems to like your company; he even opened up about his feelings, his confusion, his pain. Sometimes, you could see the old charming James popping up making you melt.
Still, you don't set your hopes too high. He's not ready for a relationship yet. You've fallen asleep in his arms plenty of times, after a movie night or at the sleepovers you had every now and then. You've seen him struggling to wake up from a nightmare. You've seen the pain and fear in his eyes once he wakes up. He's afraid of relapsing, of becoming the Winter Soldier again. He's afraid of hurting you. But you don't care. You'll always be with him. He was your best friend. He was your Bucky now. He's stolen your heart and you didn't want it back.
"I better get going then. I might know where exactly he is" You gave Steve one last smile and left the kitchen.
I've just realized you're coming from a further place, where there's so much more to see
If I wanted to be alone, where would I go?
Taking long steps to the elevator, you enter and pressed the last number of floors. He's definitely on the rooftop.
You make your way into the open space and spot a figure sitting on one of the heavy boxes placed over the edge of the floor. Broad shoulders, with his arms holding his knees to his chest, hair loosely dancing with the morning breeze, still in his pajama pants and a plain white t-shirt. Bingo, I found him.
He sensed your steps and looked at you from the corner of his eye. Once you reached him, you wrapped your arms around his neck from behind and rested your head on his left shoulder.
"Hey stranger, what are you doing here? It's breakfast time" you said in a low voice, just above a whisper
"I'm not hungry" He simply said. It didn't sound rude, though. Sighing, you made your way in front of him and lowered yourself, resting your hands on his now straighten legs.
"Bucky..." You said, looking up, trying to reach his eyes with your own but he moved his head to the side. "Bucky look at me"
Nothing. He wouldn't look at you and you could feel he started to take short small breaths, almost like holding back the tears.
"James pl-"
"I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS. I'M NOT JAMES OR BUCKY ANYMORE" He abruptly stood up, making you take a few steps back and he started pacing back and forth. He looked tense. "I AM A MONSTER. I'M NOT THE CHARMING, FUN, COOL JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES ANYMORE" he closed his eyes, breathing hard "I'm not even a shadow of the man he was" he said in a lower tone
You stood there, you were sad. He didn't deserve all this. He didn't deserve to be turned into, what he calls, a monster.
"Don't say that. You are not a monster Bucky." Your said as softly as you could
"You don't understand" He sighed, a bit of annoyance clouded his voice
Hold me, talk to me, come here closer, closer to my arms
"THEN MAKE ME UNDERSTAND! FUCK BUCKY! TALK TO ME! I WANNA HELP YOU! I WANT YOU TO FEEL BETTER! I WANT YOU TO REALIZE THAT YOU CAN BE LOVED. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU. ARE. LOVED" Now you were mad. Why did he keep pushing everyone away?! Why did he keep pushing you away? Are you not enough to him? You could help if he only talked to you
"HOW COULD I BE LOVED? DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA OF HOW MANY INNOCENT PEOPLE I'VE KILLED OVER THE PAST 70 YEARS?! THE BLOOD, THE SCREAMS, THE BEGS, THEY STILL HAUNT ME EVERY DAMN NIGHT," he finally locked eyes with you, his watery, red eyes were looking straight at your (e/c) ones when he said
"I don't deserve to be loved"
You couldn't waste more time. Your chest was aching because he was aching. The man you've loved for a very long time is there, lost, wrecked. You couldn't stand seeing him like that, because you-
"But I love you"
Your voice came smaller than you expected, but he heard, because he froze in place and his face turned from agitated to hopeful. You suddenly felt nervous, but there was no going back
"I love you Bucky. I care about you and I want to be with you when you finally get through all the shit you had to live, to do, to see" You took a step closer and he didn't move, thankfully, so you continued "You don't deserve to be loved? Bullshit. You know what you didn't deserve? Being turned into a weapon. You didn't deserve it, but you had no choice, so stop blaming yourself for all the things you've done! The real monsters here are them, and we're still fighting against them Bucky" With tears in your eyes, you took one last step so you were standing right in front of him and raised your hand to caress his cheek "Please stop pushing me away. I need you to trust me, to talk to me, to hold me when you feel like falling. I need you James" He leaned into your touch and broke down.
He started crying, wetting your palm but you didn't care. You just wanted him to cry and cry, to let it all out, you wanted him to feel vulnerable and needy, so that he could find peace and love in your arms
"I wanna get better (y/n)" he sobbed on the crook of your neck and you wrapped your arms around him as much as you could, considering his body was much bigger than your petite one "I wanna be good. I want to adapt to this modern lifestyle and feel like I belong" he stopped talking, taking long breathes as you ran your fingers through his brown locks and kissed his temple.
He looked up at you, kind of studying your face. Somehow, in between sobs and the closeness of your bodies, he had wrapped his arms around your waist, metal and flesh warming your skin and making you feel safe.
With your arms still around his neck, casually combing his hair with your hands, he leaned in and kissed you. Eyes closed, mind flying at the speed of light, love spread all over your body.
Wait, does that kiss mean he loves you too?
You broke the kiss, your noses were brushing against each other
"Bucky" You whispered
"I love you too (y/n)" he said, firmly but tender "You are the nicest, prettiest, funniest girl I've met in my whole life and I feel so lucky to have you by my side" the goofy grin plastered all over your face seemed to be contagious because he started smiling too "I promise I'll get better. With you by my side I know I will"
You couldn't help it anymore, happiness never felt so real.
"AWW BUCKY, COME HERE YOU SWEET CHEEKS" You took his face in your hands and started peppering kisses all over it, kissing his fresh tears away
He sniffled and started chuckling "oh doll, you really know how to make this poor man feel like he's on cloud nine" he put a strand of hair behind your ear and said those words again
"I love you"
"And I love you Buck"
You kissed his soft lips, but were interrupted with the loud sound of his stomach growling. Once you broke the kiss, you saw him blushing and couldn't help but laugh
"So, are you ready for breakfast now, Mr. Stubborn pants?" You teased, untangling your bodies and walking to the elevator when you felt a hand smacking your bum, causing you to yelp in surprise. When you turned around, you saw Bucky smirking before holding you an throwing you over his shoulder. Once inside the elevator, still over his shoulder like a sack of flour, your giggles were unstoppable and Bucky started giggling like a little girl too.
"I'm not stubborn"
"Yeah, sure"
*smack*
*yelp*
"Bucky!!"