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Chapter Text

James was on his knees, hands clasped together as if he was praying as he looked up at Regulus, wide doe eyes staring straight into Regulus’ soul; fuck. 

“No, absolutely not, get off the fucking ground James,” Regulus hissed at his roommate, he knew, he knew, he should’ve never agreed to move in with James. Sure, it had been all well and good to have someone to split the rent with, and if he had to share with someone at least it was someone he knew instead of a complete stranger. For the last eleven months, it had actually been working splendidly; until right now. 

Regulus was already working on exit strategies as James continued to plead.

“Come on, I’ll pay you,” there was desperation in his voice, and Regulus wouldn’t let his resolve crack, he was not agreeing to this. But, well, he could use the money – he wasn’t completely broke, but he certainly wasn’t James levels of rich, not anymore at least.

“How much?” The words were out before Regulus could properly think about it, immediately he raised his hand in a halt motion, “no, no. I’m not doing it.”

“Oh, oh but there’s a price,” James shuffled closer on his knees, his hands finally parting only to reach up and grab both of Regulus’, James’ eyes still pleading up at him, “come on, Regulus, I need you.”

Fuck.

Fuck.

Regulus had a weakness for James, let it be known now, he was not sure how, why, or when it happened. But, it had. Regulus should’ve never moved into this flat, should’ve steered clear of the whole situation; and now here he was, about to agree to this bullshit plan because James Potter was, what? Pretty? Beautiful? Everything Regulus had ever hoped for?

“How long will they be here for?” He gritted out, absolutely despising the situation he had found himself in.

“Just the long weekend, that’s all I’m asking,” James was smiling now, Regulus was only further infuriated by the fact James was already celebrating, James already knew Regulus was about to say yes.

“I want two grand,” Regulus hoped, prayed it was enough that James would take back the offer, that James would simply let Regulus go about his day and pretend this conversation never fucking happened.

“Two grand?” James looked genuinely shocked, and Regulus took very little satisfaction in it.

“Yes, James. If you want me to spend days pretending to date you in front of several members of your family, who might I add, I quite like and will be forever ruining my relationship with, I would like two thousand pounds. You could always ask someone-”

“No, no, it’s fine,” James said in a rush, interrupting Regulus before he could finish speaking, “I’ll pay.”

Fuck.

James was off his knees, swooping Regulus into a hug and spinning him around despite Regulus’ undignified scream for James to let him down, maybe he let out the world smallest, barely even there laugh, maybe for a second a smile flashed across his face as James spun him around. James didn’t see, though, and Regulus schooled his expression as he pushed at James’ chest until he was placed firmly back on his own two feet.

“I need to be so far away from you right now,” Regulus huffed out, arms folded over his chest as if he hadn’t just agreed to this stupid plan. It was his fault for agreeing, for moving in in the first place, for every stupid little thing that led him to this point. 

At least James looked happy.

Still, this was going to be a complete fucking disaster. 

Regulus left the apartment with the single goal of clearing his head. It was not overly successful. 

Instead he got caught thinking about how he possibly ended up here.

Eleven months ago, he had moved in with James, because he had nowhere else to go and James simply didn’t like living alone. It was perfect, they surprisingly had very few issues when it came to living together; they enjoyed most of the same food and television. It only took a couple of weeks of cohabitation before they fell into a routine, and maybe the routine was dangerous, maybe that’s how Regulus had found himself developing a crush on James.

It wasn’t his fault, truly. Imagine, you live with a beautiful man, and that beautiful man takes turns with you making dinner, and he doesn’t watch ahead on the shows you watch together, and he does the chores that you don’t like (vacuuming, the dishes) in exchange for the ones he doesn’t like (laundry, cleaning the bathrooms). On top of all of this, he’s kind ; he asks about your day, and he means it. He makes you laugh, he knows when to leave you alone to wallow in self pity, and when to force you to go get a coffee with him.

Imagine all that.

What other option did Regulus have but to fall head over fucking heels in love with James Potter?

The thing was, it had seemed like it was already as bad as it was going to get; what could be worse than living with your brother’s best friend, who you happen to be in love with, who sees you as nothing more than an extension of your brother he just has to hang out with sometimes?

Apparently, the answer was having to pretend, to pretend, to be in love with him.

Fuck.

Regulus had no idea how he was going to make it through this.

He walked around for an hour, aimlessly wandering the streets trying to figure out where to go from here. The answer was simple, all he had to do was not go back home, live on the streets until he found somewhere else to stay, and avoid James for the rest of his life, unfortunately that meant avoiding Sirius as well. He still considered it.

Eventually, though, he started to head home. It was basically muscle memory pushing him forward, at this point, too engrossed in his own thoughts to pay attention to where he was going or what he was doing. It wasn’t until there were two coffees being passed to him alongside a bag of pastries he realised he had inadvertently gotten for the two of them. 

At what point was it pathetic to be stupidly domestic with someone who wasn’t interested in you? Regulus assumed being at the point he automatically bought James his own coffee and treat without even thinking about it put him well past the line of pathetic into being a pitiful, lovesick fool. 

He kept on though, balancing the bag and cup tray in one hand as he made his way back to their flat. He hadn’t figured out at all what he was planning on saying to James, too unsure of how he was going to get out of this with his heart intact. 

When he finally made his way back inside, James was sitting at the kitchen bench in silence, his head in his hands and staring down at the counter, only looking up when Regulus clicked the door shut behind him.

“Hey,” James sounded dejected, it was gut wrenching. Regulus let out a put upon sigh, waving his free hand in the air as if to dismiss the weird energy James was bringing into the room before walking over and putting James’ coffee in front of him. Regulus felt secretly pleased when James perked up, two hands wrapping around the paper cup as if Regulus had just brought him something precious.

“Why are you sitting in the kitchen moping?” Regulus asked, leaning against the opposite side of the counter. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense for James to be so upset, he’d gotten what he wanted, what more was there?

“I’ll just tell my family I lied, I don’t want you to have to do something you don’t want to do, I’m sorry,” the words fell out of him in a rush, his eyes not once lifting from the cup in front of him to look at Regulus, “I shouldn’t have tried to bring you into it, of course you don’t want to have to pretend to date your brother’s friend because he-”

James cut himself off, staring down at the table in dejection. Regulus wanted to take the out, had no desire to torture himself with this. But, it wasn’t that simple, was it? Because James was sitting there, looking absolutely miserable. Just so Regulus wouldn’t have to put himself through it. If James wasn’t such a good friend, Regulus wouldn’t even consider saying what he was about to say.

“James, it’s fine, I’ll get over it,” James finally raised his head to meet Regulus’ eyes, and Regulus did his best to give him a reassuring smile, “ but, I don’t really get why you’re doing all this.”

“They just, they kept talking about when I would finally meet someone and Mum, she was trying to be nice, but she kept bringing up all these friends kids who I’d apparently get along great with. She said we could talk about it more when they visited and I just, I panicked. Told them I was already dating someone,” James looked so stressed, Regulus wondered idly how he’d react if Regulus wrapped him up in a hug, “but that was stupid because then they asked even more questions and I don’t know, I guess I panicked again. Then I said your name, because who else was I meant to fucking say, and now. Here we are.”

For someone so smart, Regulus was struggling to understand how James could be so fucking dumb sometimes. 

“Okay, for the record, I want your family to still like me after this, so. We need a game plan, and a good one,” James had a hopeful look on his face, a big step up from the kicked puppy expression that had lived there a moment before, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Regulus left and came back with a notebook and pen, he sat on the stool next to James, probably a little too close, but sue him, if he was going through all this he was going to treat himself however he could. 

“What’s this for?” James asked, seemingly shuffling even closer to Regulus; Regulus smiled to himself as he opened it to a new spread, unwelcome butterflies fluttering in his stomach. 

“Well, they’re going to ask questions, so I need to know everything you told them, and then we have to figure out the rest of the timeline,” Regulus was already uncapping the pen, staring down at the blank piece of paper like a man on a mission. 

“Okay, I told them it was new, we’d only started dating about two months ago,” Regulus wrote it down as James spoke, “uh, I asked you out, obviously.”

Regulus scoffed at that, but wrote it down anyway.

“We didn’t really get into much else, they were happy enough when they found out it was you they just started asking about you and said they’d find out the rest when they come to visit,” Regulus nodded along, a light flush settling over his cheeks at the admission that James’ family liked him, something about it warming him from the inside out.

“Alright, well that works in our favour, at least,” and so, that’s how they started planning their ‘ relationship’. It appeared that James had put absolutely no thought into it after spouting it out, just thought it all would’ve worked out – Regulus didn’t know why he was surprised.

It was pretty easy to fill in the gaps, it also made a lovely story by the time Regulus was done with it.

James had asked him out on a random Wednesday night, just blurted out that he’d like to take Regulus to the zoo. He was very nervous, in this concocted world; but it all just fell into place. Everything was working out splendidly, but they were still taking it slow (Regulus made sure they were on the same page, it would make more sense in another month if they broke up and just determined they’d work better as friends).

Regulus decided they needed to take photos together, probably actually go to the zoo, and spend the next week in the lead up to James’ family visiting creating as many fake memories as they possibly could just in case they wanted to see evidence.

It seemed silly, but Regulus had met Euphemia Potter; she would want to see every photo of the two of them in creation, and as much as Regulus hated photos, it would be unrealistic for there to be none of them.

“We’ll go get dinner or something later, take some photos while we are out,” Regulus decided, and James agreed readily, clearly happy to go along with whatever Regulus had in mind. The page in front of them had slowly gotten filled with what dates they’d been on, a full timeline of their relationship from when James had asked him on a date, to now.

It was bittersweet, to create the life he wished he was living and then figure out where it needed to be embellished, and where it needed to be pulled back. By the time the sun had set, the two of them were leaning heavily against each other with a full page of faux memories; Regulus’ heart was weighing heavy in his chest. 

But, he grinned when James would make a joke, laughing alongside his friend, even as he felt it tear him up inside. 

“Alright, I think that’s enough,” James said, clapping his hand down on Regulus’ shoulder; his fingers tightened, squeezing for a moment before slipping away. Regulus missed the warmth as soon as it was gone, and then immediately reprimanded himself for feeling that way. James stood off the chair, letting out an obscene noise as he stretched, his back audibly popping while he did,  “let’s go get dinner.”

“Mm, alright, you should go get changed first if that’s what we’re doing,” Regulus didn’t look up at James, couldn’t trust himself this close to not get caught watching the way his muscles bulged as he flexed or the way his shirt rode up enough to see a sliver of skin. 

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” James spluttered, Regulus turned his head to look at him as he took a step back and gestured to his outfit; admittedly, it wasn’t the worst outfit Regulus had ever seen him wear. He was in an old beat up t-shirt and a pair of running shorts, he looked comfortable. 

It made something in Regulus’ heart ache more than seeing James dressed up ever did. Seeing him like this was as close to domestic as he would get, it was a taste of being an intrinsic part of James’ life; Regulus wished he could bleach the image from his brain.

“Yeah, well, the least you could do is put some proper trousers on,” Regulus gave a sigh at James’ dramatic groan, doing his best to tamp down the smile that was threatening to grow. 

“Fine, but let it be known that I am the best boyfriend ever,” James left the room in an exaggerated flourish and Regulus let the smile finally settle onto his face, an ache still apparent in his heart. 

“Don’t I know it,” Regulus tried for humorous but it fell flat in the silent room; his own ears only able to hear the pain that rang out.

It didn’t take James long, and then they were off to dinner, and Regulus really should not have told James about taking photos, because James wouldn’t stop now that he had started. They were walking down the street towards the pub they tended to favour, Regulus hadn’t even noticed James had dropped behind him, was too busy complaining about something that had happened at work yesterday when he heard the shutter noise come from James’ phone. Regulus stopped with a foot in the air, his head turning to stare at James incredulously, eyebrows raised.

“Did you just take a photo of me?” James was grinning down at his phone before his eyes settled on Regulus’, and then he was bounding forward and looping an arm around Regulus’ waist, pulling him in close and dragging him along, “James, let me go.”

“I took a photo of you, because you told me to take photos,” James didn’t let him go though, if anything Regulus felt his fingers tighten their grip on his waist, “but, I think on top of all that, we need to get used to y’know, touching each other and hugging. My parents will think it’s weird if we never so much as hug, yanno.” 

Regulus hated every moment that had ever led them here, he wished he could go back in time before he moved in with James and tell himself to run the other way. Because this, this was a bad fucking idea. 

Despite that, despite knowing that it was a bad idea, despite knowing he was only going to get hurt, he relaxed.

He relaxed into James’ grip, head dropping to James’ shoulder almost subconsciously, walking alongside him like this was where he belonged, like this was where he had always been. Don’t let yourself get used to it, he thought to himself, a command he was already going to ignore, this isn’t forever, and this isn’t real. Don’t let yourself pretend it is.

Chapter Text

So, they went on dates. James had convinced Regulus to take the entire week off work (it didn’t take much, James was very persuasive, and Regulus would do anything he asked, example a: the entire mess they were currently in). It was a living hell, it was everything Regulus could have ever dreamed of, except he knew he was dreaming. He knew he would have to wake up the morning after Effie and Fleamont left, and he would go back on the sidelines; being in love with James from afar.

Except, except now he knew what it was like to date him, now he knew what it was like to have James dote on him for hours.

The first ‘date’ was fine; it was normal. It was the same as all their other dinners were, except James just kept doing things and brushing them off as practice.

They got there, and James was leading Regulus through the pub with a hand on the small of his back, and then went as far as pulling Regulus’ chair out for him when they got to their table. It was infuriating, but Regulus kept a smile on his face, didn’t let James know how much it impacted him.

It was subtle, but it was close enough to what they would usually do that Regulus could ignore it, that Regulus could pretend this was a regular Monday.

The next day, however, they went on another date. They went on what was meant to be their first date, and Regulus was sure that it would be fine; it was the zoo. What could James possibly do while they were walking around the zoo that would drive Regulus insane?

Regulus should have learnt by now to never underestimate James.

“Come on, love, I wanna see the penguins,” James said, his hand intertwining with Regulus’ own and dragging him forward; Regulus’ entire brain imploding at the pet name.

“Love?” Regulus squeaked out, tripping over his own feet to follow after James.

“Oh, uh,” James started, looking back at Regulus with a look that he couldn’t quite figure out before barking out a laugh and turning away from him again, “thought I should get into the habit of it, as well.”

And fuck, look. James Potter was a beautiful man, he radiated warmth and everything about him was already beyond unfairly attractive. Regulus had made peace with that a very long time ago.

But, James at peak excitement? Rattling off facts about animals that he was reading off the plaque, genuinely enthralled by it all? That was miles more than Regulus’ heart could take. As if it wasn’t already near impossible to not fall in love with James, how was Regulus meant to stand a chance when he was wearing the most genuine smile, when his hand was clasped tight in Regulus’ own, when all James’ attention was directed towards him.

On top of all that was the photos, the never ending photos. Regulus might as well have dug his own grave with that one. James would drag him into a hug, their cheeks pressed together and Regulus wouldn’t even have the time to react before the shutter sounded and James moved away again. It was a fifty-fifty chance if he would turn around and find James with his phone already pointed towards Regulus to take a photo; most of them had to be bad. James didn’t seem deterred, though.

The next day, they went out for ice cream, of course; James said it was a stereotypical date, they had to get ice cream. 

“It’s ice cream, Reggie, we have to go get ice cream, please sweetheart,” James whined; Regulus had sighed but obliged, letting James drag him around. Truthfully, Regulus knew he wouldn’t have said no, anyway, but he’d learnt in the last few days that James using a pet name would have him agreeing to commit arson if James just asked.

“Vanilla? Regulus, that’s so boring, you can’t be boring if you’re my boyfriend, love,” James said, giving Regulus pathetic puppy dog eyes as if it would change the ice cream order he’d been getting for nearly two decades.

“Firstly, as my boyfriend,” Regulus did his best to not blush as he spoke, the word coming from his own mouth had butterflies fluttering in his stomach, “you should support me no matter what I do.”

James had considered it for a moment, seemingly conceding with Regulus’ train of thought, it was topped off with James dropping a kiss to his cheek. That was new, fucking hell. Regulus had been playing his part as best he could; he was learning to not react outwardly when James reached for him, when their hands were clasped together, or whenever James would drop a pet name out of nowhere.

He had not prepared for James to press a kiss to his cheek, he had not prepared for it in any way. He was left gaping up at James, unable to control the look of shock on his face. James was not even looking at him now, instead he was staring intently at the selection of ice cream on display; leaving Regulus alone in the panic.

James had been handling it all so well, had been very easy to adapt to the boyfriend act; this, though, this was a step too far for Regulus. This just hurt. He understood that James didn’t feel the same, and James would have no idea what Regulus was going through, but it didn’t stop his heart from aching. 

Regulus found himself with nothing to say once they had their ice cream in hand, James had led him – once again, by the small of his back – to their seats. James continued to chat as they ate, but Regulus couldn’t speak, was trying to navigate this all, trying to figure out whether it was worth it to go through all of the pain James was inadvertently causing him.

Of course, Regulus knew he could tell James to stop.

He could tell James that he didn’t want to do this anymore, James might be upset but he’d let it go, he wouldn’t want to make Regulus uncomfortable. Regulus knew that.

But, the very sad, pathetic part of Regulus that seemed to be winning out lately wouldn’t let him speak, wouldn’t let him tell James to just stop. This, this torment and torture of what it would be like, of what they could be was better than never having experienced it at all. Even if every day that passed Regulus was having to remind himself harder that James was pretending, that everything James was doing was just to get himself prepared for having to keep the act up when they had an audience.

Regulus was torn out of his thoughts by a soft touch against his chin, he blinked in rapid succession up at James; Regulus’ mouth hung agape, heart racing in his chest. James’ thumb was stroking across his chin, the very tip of his thumb grazing Regulus’ lip. Regulus held his breath on instinct, his stomach churning at the touch.

“Sorry, you had a little something,” James’ voice was too soft, too sweet – intimate – Regulus still hadn’t spoken.

And then.

And then.

James lifted his thumb, the light sheen of ice cream glistening against it, and placed it into his mouth. Regulus could feel James’ eyes burning into his, but his eyes were glued to James’ thumb.

Fucking hell.

Regulus was being punished, Regulus had done something evil and this was his punishment, and holy fuck did James just moan?

Regulus’ eyes snapped back up to James’ eyes, his mouth still hanging open, had been since the first touch of James’ fingers.

“Vanilla is pretty good, actually,” James said, tone so casual and cool, as if Regulus wasn’t having a literal fucking heart attack.

“Ye-ah,” Regulus croaked, voice cracking on the syllables; he cleared his throat, a hand coming up to cover his mouth, trying unsuccessfully to pass it off as a cough. James looked far too pleased, far too smug, and that angered Regulus more than he could explain. James must have figured out Regulus’ stupid crush, and decided this was the best course of action.

Because of course he had.

“I know, that’s why I ordered it, actually,” Regulus snapped at him, placing the cup of ice cream down; glaring at the table as if it would somehow save him from this mess.

Fucking James Potter. Regulus hated him.

“Please don’t touch me like that, James. I’m fine with this whole pretending thing, and getting the ‘act’ sorted out,” Regulus emphasised the word with air quotes, “but, I don’t like that.”

Immediately all the humour dropped from James’ face, a concerned look shadowing his features instead; Regulus didn’t hate him at all, actually. Not based on the way his heart swooped and he immediately felt the need to take it back, anything to get James smiling again.

Still, Regulus held strong. He wasn’t that masochistic, wasn’t about to let himself be the butt of the joke for almost two weeks just so James could have a laugh at his expense.

“Shit, yeah, no I’m sorry,” James gave him a small smile, but it was weak and didn’t quite meet his eyes, “I just got caught up in it. It won’t happen again.”

“It’s alright, I’m not upset,” lie, “I just would rather say it now than have it keep happening.”

“Yeah! Yeah, of course, thank you for telling me.”

The rest of the ‘date’ continued in silence, awkward for the first time since Regulus had moved in, really. Regulus kept thinking of ways to fix it, of things to say, but nothing felt quite right; so he let it go on, letting the silence become an all consuming third party at their table. He didn’t end up finishing his ice cream, an uncomfortable feeling weighing heavy in his heart.

It felt, somehow, as if he’d made a mistake; but he couldn’t figure out how.

The silence followed them home. It invited itself in, made itself comfortable in every room they were in. It was like they were dancing around each other; both of them guests where previously this was theirs. 

The next two days followed in similar levels of awkwardness and discomfort. It was like they were stuck in a cycle; James would make a joke, and Regulus would be so shocked by him speaking that he’d wait a beat too long to respond, and by the time he’d realise James would already have that look of hurt flash across his face and leave the room. It had happened in reverse, as well; Regulus had asked James if they were doing anything, and James had stared at him as if he’d grown a second head. 

It was Friday afternoon when the silence finally broke, after almost forty eight hours of stilted silence; Regulus had been sitting at the bench, staring at the notes they had taken in preparation for Effie and Fleamont’s arrival in the morning.

“Oh,” James’ voice surprised him, far closer than Regulus expected; James was standing right behind him, and he couldn’t help the flood of relief that flowed through him, hoped it wasn’t noticeable how his body relaxed, “you’re still… going to go ahead with it all?”

Regulus at no point had considered that was even an option.

“Yeah?” He started, and he saw his own relief reflected in the sag of James’ shoulders.

There was another beat of silence, and then both of them started to speak at once.

“Look, I’m sorry-”

“About the other-”

“Sorry, you-”

“No, you can-”

Fuck.

Regulus let out a groan that was followed by a laugh; the butterflies coming back as if they never left when James’ laugh rang out, bouncing off the walls and seeping into Regulus’ heart.

“I’m really sorry about the other night, Reggie,” Regulus did his best to not be disappointed at the lack of pet name, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, and we don’t have to go through with this if you really hate it that much.”

“No, seriously. I’m sorry, I don’t mind it, really,” maybe he was more masochistic than he thought, because this was an out, James was telling him it was okay to end this all and he was insisting it was fine, “I just. That was a bit too much, I don’t know, it was overly intimate, maybe we can steer away from it? The rest didn’t bother me, though.”

James smiled at him; Regulus hadn’t realised how much he missed it, the way James’ grin lit up his entire face, his eyes shining with warmth. 

“Alright, so. We are all good, yeah?” James still sounded unsure, and Regulus couldn’t help but laugh; as if he would ever not be good with James.

“Yes, James, we are all good,” before Regulus even finished the sentence, James’ arms were wrapping around him, rocking him side to side on the stool he was sitting on. 

“Goooood,” James almost yelled, laughter clear in his tone, his chin hooking over Regulus’ shoulder, “because I missed annoying you, it was so lonely in the flat, thought I might die.”

“A bit dramatic, James,” Regulus mumbled, glad James couldn’t see the blush he could feel spreading over his face and down his neck. 

“That’s me,” James pulled back and Regulus was proud of himself for not letting out a noise of complaint, instead he started fidgeting with the page in front of him again.

“What time are your mum and dad coming down?” Regulus was, for the first time since he was a teenager, nervous to see James’ parents. He’d been putting off thinking about it all week, but now it was getting closer, and there was a part of him that was afraid he was about to lose the closest thing he had to parents once this was all done.

“Uh, think about 8 I’m picking them up, probably drop them to their hotel in the afternoon,” James was still standing right behind Regulus, it took everything in him to not lean back into the warmth.

“Do you think they’re going to hate me once you tell them we’ve broken up?” Regulus felt like a child asking it, but James just chuckled behind him, a hand coming up to ruffle through his hair.

“I think they’re going to hate me. Mum and dad love you, they’ll be so upset I let you get away, I’ll be hearing about it for years,” James’ hand lingered, and Regulus wondered how they’d really go back to normal after all this. Before this whole plan, they’d never really touched, every once in a while James would pull him into a one armed hug, or they’d nudge at the other to get their attention; but never like this. Even now, only a few minutes after they’d made up, James was back to touching him again without a second thought.

Would it go back to nothing at all once it was over? Or would these soft, almost mindless touches continue once there was no ruse to keep up? Regulus wasn’t sure which he’d prefer.

“Alright, well, if they hate me I’m going to tell them you cheated on me to win them back over,” he heard James let out a soft hum as he walked around the other side of the bench.

“Yeah, fair’s fair, love. I’ll allow it,” James said as he started to rifle through the fridge, “we should go grocery shopping before they get here, Mum will go mental if she sees how empty the fridge is.”

That was that; it almost bothered Regulus, how two days of awkwardness dissipated at the first conversation. Annoyed by the fact that communication really did solve most problems, but knowing him, he’d forget that lesson and be just as shocked and annoyed the next time it happened.

Still, he was glad they were back to normal. Glad there wasn’t an awkward tension behind every word now.

“Let’s just go now, then. But you’re pushing the cart,” Regulus ignored the huff of annoyance from James, knew it was all put upon anyway; and off they went.

Chapter Text

The next morning, James went off to collect his parents while Regulus stressed about the state of the apartment. Between the two of them, they kept everything relatively tidy, but this was James’ parents, who were meeting Regulus as James’ boyfriend for the first time. So, Regulus was a little stressed about it.

He’d already vacuumed the entire apartment, including James’ room, he’d cleaned the bathroom and was in the middle of stress scrubbing the stove when he heard the door open and voices start to fill the apartment. At the last second, he turned and saw the notebook open on the bench, the notebook filled with all the lies they had crafted.

Regulus stumbled across the room, hastily slamming the notebook shut and pushing it to the side of the bench, out of the way enough for now.

“Regulus, my dear, hello, how have you been?” Effie asked as she walked over to him, arms already open and drawing Regulus into a hug; he fell into it almost instantly. God, he had missed her; Effie and Fleamont were the closest things he had to parents these days.

And now they thought he was dating their only son.

They were going to hate him.

“Hi Effie,” he mumbled into the hug, his own arms coming up to squeeze her tight, “I’ve been good, but it’s so lovely to see you again.”

“You look well,” Effie pulled back and grabbed his face in her hands, looking at him for a moment with a soft smile on her face, “love looks good on you.”

Regulus felt himself blush under her gaze, suddenly, all the practice and memorising of every single thing they had fabricated about their relationship didn’t matter. Regulus hadn’t considered the guilt that came from lying to Effie Potter; he wasn’t sure he could do it.

Luckily, Fleamont interrupted, lovingly batting his wife away as he pulled Regulus into a hug as well.

“Hello, my boy, it’s been too long,” their hug was more brief, but still filled Regulus with love and warmth down to his core, “don’t let my wife embarrass you, we’re just both so pleased to hear about you and James.”

“Oh, yeah,” Regulus mumbled, unsure of what to say; luckily James swooped in, wrapping one arm around Regulus’ shoulders and pulling him close.

“Guys, I told you to leave Reg alone,” James said admonishingly, “it’s alright, love. You can ignore them, they have been told to behave at least until they come back for dinner tonight.”

Regulus felt himself unwittingly relaxing in James’ hold, a soft smile settling on his face as he looked up at the other man.

“About that,” Effie started, a sly look on her face that Regulus had seen mirrored in James many times before, “we figured, since you guys are dating now and we are aware that you are both adults who sleep together sometimes-”

“Mum?!” James screeched, seemingly trying to move Regulus behind his back, as if that would stop him from being able to hear.

“Not like that James, get your mind out of the gutter, I simply thought maybe we could stay here instead of at a hotel, since you two would be able to just share a bed and then we could take yours,” Regulus felt panic overtake his body at the same time James’ arm tensed around him, they hadn’t planned for this; they hadn’t even thought it was an option.

“Of course, mum,” Regulus felt betrayed despite himself, James was the one who had to say no, who had to tell them to go to the hotel – they were his parents. He could make something up about how they were waiting until marriage to share a bed. At the same time, Regulus understood; how was James meant to say no, “you can have my room and I’ll bunk in with Regulus.”

Great. Delightful. This is exactly how the weekend was supposed to go, spending every day faking a relationship with the uncertified love of his life, and now he wouldn’t even get a chance at some reprieve, because he would be sharing a fucking bed with him. Regulus was going to murder him, it was the easiest way out of this situation.

“Amazing! That’s settled, then,” Effie looked so pleased and Regulus wished he didn’t have mummy issues that ran so deep that her looking happy took precedence over his own sanity. 

“Let’s get your sheets changed for them, then,” Regulus mumbled, pulling himself out of James’ arms – why was he still holding him, anyway? – and heading towards James’ room.

“It’s okay,” James whispered, crowding up behind Regulus so he could speak directly into his ear, quiet enough to not be heard, “I’ll just sneak out once they’re in bed and sleep on the couch, and then I can just make sure I wake up before them.”

“Don’t be stupid, James,” Regulus huffed as he stripped the bed of it's bedding, balling the sheets up and tossing them at James as he worked on wrangling the pillows out of their cases. Regulus did his best to not sound frustrated as he spoke again, but the words dripped out of his mouth like venom, as if this was a fate worse than torture; in a way, it was, “you can sleep in here, we are both adults. We can share a fucking bed.”

“Oh,” Regulus didn’t look up at James as he spoke, but there were faint sounds of shock in his tone, “yeah, alright. I’ll grab some clothes and bring them into yours now, I uh. Yeah. Alright.”

Regulus didn’t respond, continued to grab all the bedding and take it out; ignoring the hammering in his chest that James would be staying in his room, in his bed, for the next three nights. All because James didn’t want to be hounded about getting a partner. 

It would be fine, Regulus told himself as he put the laundry in the hamper and got a new set of sheets for James’ parents, everything would work out. It was only a weekend, and really, how bad could a weekend be?

James joined him, the two of them making the bed together in silence. It was, like a lot of their time together in the last week had been, incredibly domestic. 

Regulus felt a yearning in his chest for this level of domesticity all the time, let himself get carried away with the thought of it. He and James were halfway there, really, but it was just out of reach. Something that Regulus’ fingertips could brush against, but couldn’t wrap his fingers around.

The bed was made, and the moment was over; James gave him a small smile before they headed back out to the living area. 

Effie and Fleamont were sitting at the bench talking between themselves; it always filled Regulus with an odd emotion that he was unable to put into words. Seeing the two of them together, it was something so special. Two people who had fallen in love and despite all odds, stuck it out together for decades, and managed to still be as in love as Regulus had ever seen them.

It sent another pang of guilt through him, that they thought James might have found something close to resembling what they had, and it was all a facade. He pushed the thought as far as he could to the back of his mind, deep down in the recesses of his mind, with all the other things he had been raised to feel guilty about that kept him awake at night. 

“The room is all sorted for you guys, I’ll put your bags in there,” James was already grabbing the luggage as he spoke, and Effie gave him a warm smile.

“Ah, good lad,” Fleamont said, clapping a hand on James’ shoulder as he walked past. Regulus found himself watching the interaction with that same odd feeling, that same discomfort and he wondered if that was yearning, as well. 

Yearning to have a love like Effie and Fleamont, yearning to be given love as easily as they gave to their son; a yearning to be able to accept it.

Regulus averted his gaze, suddenly feeling as if he was encroaching on something that wasn’t his to see, but the moment had passed, the moment had passed without fanfare because James didn’t have to fight and scream to be shown love. Regulus loved seeing James’ parents, he did, but there was that bitter resentment that followed.

Even Sirius had been able to get that parental love from them, and it’s not as if Effie and Fleamont had never attempted to bring Regulus into it; but by the time he realised, by the time he knew he wanted, he was an adult. An adult with a broken child inside of him, begging to be loved, to be held.

He almost jumped when there was a soft touch on his forearm, featherlight, barely there. Regulus blinked back into reality to find James looking at him, expression so full of something that Regulus once again found himself unable to place. 

“Hi love,” James’ voice was just as soft to match, and the pet name sounded so right flowing from his lips, “you looked like you were going somewhere for a sec, you alright?”

It was times like this that Regulus remembered how he had fallen so helplessly for James in the first place; there was never any chance for him when James saw right through him, right through to his core and knew what to do. The pet name might have been new, but the rest? The rest had been like that since Regulus moved in, maybe even earlier.

James would always catch him slipping, catch him drifting off somewhere dark in his brain, and he’d ease him back out; he was always so gentle, pulling him back to reality and talking to him until the thoughts were no longer at the forefront of his mind. Regulus realised, belatedly, he hadn’t spoken, he was just looking up at James, still caught somewhere between the depths of his mind and being back in the room with everyone else.

“Sorry, baby,” it fell out naturally, a slip of the tongue and Regulus was grateful for Effie and Fleamont’s presence in the room, grateful that he could blame it on the fact they were doing this all for show. It wasn’t, though, Regulus knew that; it was just cracks in the surface, a year of pent up emotions finally allowed to rise to the top. 

James’ eyebrows went up just a touch, his lips just barely parting, Regulus wouldn’t have even noticed except for the fact it was James. He always found himself trying to drink it all in, as if he wouldn’t see him again.

“It’s alright, you all good?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Regulus gave him a weak smile, knocking their shoulders together for a moment before turning round to face the other two in the room. Fleamont seemed interested in the newspaper he was reading, but Effie was watching them with a considering look on her face, giving Regulus a smile once they made eye contact.

“Okay, if you’re sure, I’m going to take mum and dad out for lunch, do you wanna come with?” James threw his arm over Regulus’ shoulder, dragging him under his arm slightly, and Regulus hated the way he melted into the touch. Hated the way he wanted to ask James to just stay there with him, like that, for a few hours.

“Nah, I might sit this one out, and I’ll see you all for dinner, yeah?” Regulus let himself revel in it for a moment, pressed his face into James’ shoulder as he looked up at him, wondering if this is what it would’ve been like if James liked him back.

“Yeah, sounds good, sweetheart. Look after yourself while we’re gone, okay?” Then James did something unexpected, he leant forward and pressed his lips to Regulus’ forehead. Regulus’ world came crashing around him, he was shocked he didn’t let out a whine like a kicked puppy. Never had he felt a touch so soft, so tender, just for him; people did not kiss him to show love, or affection. People kissed him to fuck him, the only prior exception had been James kissing him on the cheek at ice cream, but that was different.

That was pretend.

It hit him, suddenly, a harsh realisation.

So was this.

As soon as they had made their way out of the flat, Regulus curled up on the couch under a blanket, not bothering to even turn on the television. Instead, he just sat in silence. 

Maybe he wouldn’t make it through the weekend, maybe he should just move out now. Get out of there before they all came back from lunch. 

In the end, wallowed on the couch for an hour. Thinking about how unfair it was that James had asked him to do this, thinking about how unfair it was that he had agreed to it. He thought of all the ways he could make James pay for the utter torment he was experiencing, before realising he wouldn’t want to make James feel this way, and he knew if James knew, he’d put an end to it all.

So, he dragged himself off the couch. Forced himself to be at least slightly productive for the next few hours before he would need to start working on dinner. It was semi-successful, he managed to get a few loads of laundry done, including his own bedding so James would have fresh sheets when they shared a bed that night. 

Regulus ended up deep cleaning the entire flat, at some point turning on music to keep him company as he flitted around and did all the tasks he usually didn’t have time to do.

He was so absorbed in dusting the living room and singing along to Paper Rings, he didn’t hear as the door to the flat opened; nor did he hear the faintest sigh, a gust of breath as if all the air had been taken from the room.

Regulus didn’t know he had company until there was the sound of someone clearing their throat. He let out an undignified squeal and turned to face the intruder, and was instead met with the sight of a smirking James; who was leant against the wall, with the sleeves of his shirt pulled up and arms crossed. Regulus wondered if it was weird to find forearms so attractive, because for a moment he found his eyes glued to them.

“Having fun?” James’ tone was mocking, but not malicious; Regulus felt himself flush, suddenly wishing that the ground would swallow him whole.

“I was, actually,” he muttered as he walked to where his phone was sitting, the bridge about to start playing through when two arms were looped around his waist and pulling him back.

“Come on, this is the best part of the song,” James’ voice was right in his ear, the two of them swaying in no way in time with the beat. Regulus was fairly certain he’d stopped breathing, fairly certain he’d cracked his skull open when he was cleaning the shower earlier and this was some form of fucking fever dream. Then James sang along ever so slightly, the words a breath into Regulus’ ear, “wrap your arms around me, baby boy.”

He couldn’t help it, the laughter bubbled out of him, his head thrown back onto James’ shoulder as the last of the song played. Regulus’ own arms moved of their own accord, settling over James’ arms on his torso; the two of them stood together in the centre of their living room, music drifting around them.

The moment lasted a second, an hour, an infinite amount of time, and was over too soon all at once. Somehow, the door had opened again without either of them hearing, and the perfect moment was shattered by a camera shutter. Regulus’ entire body went rigid as he looked up to find Effie and Fleamont staring at them as if they had just gotten married. 

Effie looked so pleased, her grin was wide on her face, and Fleamont had a similar expression; his arm wrapped around Effie’s shoulder as they watched on, Effie’s phone still raised from taking a photo of the two of them dancing around the living room.

Suddenly, Regulus’ entire deep clean de-stress was null and void, because it all came back to him then. He removed himself from James’ arms, James was just doing it for them to see, that’s okay; Regulus knew the game they were playing. It was fine. Regulus made his way to his phone, switching off the music; his heart was racing, god he hoped he could forget that moment. He knew it would be one that kept him awake at night for the foreseeable future, one he’d pretend was real as he drifted off to sleep.

“How was lunch?” Regulus plastered a smile of his own on, but he couldn’t bring himself to meet James’ gaze.

Luckily, Effie took charge of the conversation; going on and on about what they had for lunch, and what the restaurant was like, and all the things they saw when they were walking around. Regulus was appreciative for the first time that James’ habit of filling every silence came from somewhere, he had never been so happy to listen to Effie speak for hours, barely leaving room for anyone else to chime in.

The incident got pushed to the back of Regulus’ mind as they all sat around chatting; it felt easy, as it always did. The four of them settled in on the lounge, and Regulus ignored how close James was, ignored how it made his heart flutter – it had been well and truly enough for one day.

Hours passed, the four of them spoke about everything and nothing. Regulus found the earlier bitterness and resentment didn’t make a reappearance, instead he let himself enjoy the fact he had this now. There were things he would never have, and a happy childhood might have been one of them, but he wouldn’t let himself ruin having it now.

Eventually, they talked past dinner, and the four of them hunkered down to find somewhere to eat, they ended up going to the same spot as Regulus and James’ ‘first date’. James, as Regulus had come to expect at this point, linked his hand with Regulus’ own, their fingers tangled together as they walked side by side. 

Maybe it wouldn’t last forever, maybe this would be over in another 36 hours. Maybe Regulus would just let himself enjoy it for now.

As expected, Effie asked about all their dates, asking to see photos of what they had done. She cooed at all of them, making a fuss about the ones James had taken when Regulus wasn’t paying attention.

It wasn’t until halfway through dinner that Regulus saw James’ phone lockscreen was the photo Effie had taken only hours earlier, he hadn’t even known that she had sent it to him. His heart hammered in his chest as he looked at it, it wasn’t the best angle, they were half facing away from the camera; but it unlocked something deep within his heart.

In the photo, James had his arms wrapped around Regulus, Regulus’ head was laid back on James’ shoulder, but that wasn’t what got him. It was his own expression, love written all over his face as he looked up at the man holding him; it was unquestionable, unavoidable. He had never seen himself look like that, and somehow, instead of it being upsetting, seeing proof of his own love in their fake relationship, Regulus could only feel an overwhelming sense of happiness.

The whole situation might suck, but sometimes life sucked a little, and there was something so disarming and warming about seeing a photo of himself completely vulnerable and happy. At worst, this whole situation ended the same as it started, he was in love with James Potter, and James Potter did not love him back, but at least he got to feel that. 

“So, Regulus,” Effie started, looking at him with a warm smile, “we want to hear about how you figured out your feelings for James, we’ve heard aallll about James’ feelings for you, only seems fair we get your side as well.”

The thing is, Regulus had been so prepared. He had reread their notes, he had memorised every single thing that there was to memorise about his and James’ fake relationship. He, at no point, had come up with the fake way that he fell in love with James. What had James said? Was it when they were at lunch? Why didn’t he warn Regulus that this conversation was coming?

Regulus let out a slightly strangled chuckle before taking a sip of his drink, trying to buy himself some time. James’ hand found his on the table, a soft squeeze as if to encourage him; it didn’t help, at all. Because Regulus couldn’t lie, not about this, not about him.

“Was a bit inevitable, I think,” Regulus started, clearing his throat as he kept his eyes on Effie, not letting them stray for a second over to James.

“Oh?” Effie leant forward slightly, clearly wanting to hear far more than that.

“I mean, you know James, I don’t really think it’s possible for someone to not fall in love with him, a little bit,” shit, too vulnerable, too real, “he’s. He’s someone really special, just, has this air about him. It’s hard to explain.”

Regulus hoped that was enough, but Effie was still looking at him, clearly enthralled; two thousand pounds no longer felt adequate, Regulus would need James to buy him a fucking house to make up for what he was currently putting himself through. That was a good point, actually, he’d have to remember to bring it up later.

Between what Regulus had just said, and what he was about to say, and the fucking photo with love written all over his face, there was no doubt James would know now, this was real. At least for Regulus.

“It probably started a lot earlier than I realised, but moving in with him really was the nail in the coffin. It was easy to ignore how kind he was before that, chalk it up to he’s just a nice guy sometimes, ” Regulus let out a soft laugh despite himself, “but it’s all the time. He’s just, he’s probably the kindest person I’ve ever met, despite the fact sometimes he’s a bit of a dick. He’s also, well, he’s so funny, and smart, I don’t think I’ve really ever met someone like him.”

“Since you moved in, then?” Fleamont prodded, and Regulus had almost forgotten it wasn’t just him and Effie at the table.

“Yeah, probably a month or so after I moved in, I never stood a fucking chance,” Regulus laughed properly that time, Fleamont and Effie joining him; James’ hand had gone stone still where it was still linked with Regulus’. Regulus couldn’t do anything but push the anxiety down, it was something they’d have to deal with later, when James’ parents had left. Finally, Regulus turned his gaze to James, who was looking at him in a way he’d never quite seen, “got lucky with you, didn’t I, baby?”

“Definitely the other way round, love,” James’ voice was strained, but there was a smile on his face, and that was enough; hopefully they’d be able to stay friends, after all this was over.

Luckily for Regulus, that seemed to satiate Effie, the conversation went back to safer topics; Regulus left his hand linked in James’, though. At this point, after baring his heart and soul, he deserved to at least keep that, for a little while longer.

It wasn’t until they were home hours later, the four of them wishing each other goodnight, James and Regulus making their way into Regulus’ room together, that Regulus started to freak out about it. He forgot they were going to have to share a fucking bed after all that.

Stupid James Potter.

The door had barely clicked shut and Regulus watched in a combination of awe and horror as James started to strip out of his t-shirt.

“What are you doing?” He barely managed to squeak out, unsure if he should look away, but his eyes were stuck on James’ torso.

“You know, my eyes are up here,” Regulus snapped his mouth shut and looked up at James’ face, he could feel his cheeks heating up as he looked at him, “I need to get changed for bed, sweetheart, is that an issue?”

“Oh, uh, no, guess not,” Regulus stammered, going to look through his own drawers for something to wear to bed, “I’ll just, look the other way.”

“If that’s what you want,” there were the sounds of clothes shuffling behind him, but by the time Regulus had found something to wear James was already in bed under the blanket, but his arms were up with his hands behind his head. Regulus stared at him for a moment, then looked at the clothes in his hands, and then back up to James, “do you want me to close my eyes?”

Regulus suddenly didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do with the fact James seemed clearly content to lay there and watch him get changed.

“If that's what you want?” Regulus mirrored James’ earlier rebuttal but with significantly less confidence, he turned slightly away from James as he stripped out of his clothes, he didn’t turn back to see if James was still watching him. The thought of James watching him change had a blush settling on his cheeks and spreading down his chest, he knew James must be able to see it, the harsh red stark across his pale skin, but James didn’t make a comment on it.

Regulus sped out of one outfit and into the next, choosing to keep the same pair of underwear on in case James was watching; wasn’t quite ready to have James see him stark naked, not like this, at least.

Once Regulus climbed into bed another issue immediately made itself apparent.

“Are you not wearing a fucking shirt?” He hissed at James, was too focussed before on getting himself redressed he hadn’t noticed that James’ arms were bare until he was staring at James’ chest up close.

“Clearly not, love,” James practically hummed at him, “I run hot, best if I don’t ruin both our nights sleep by sweating through my clothes and your sheets, mm?”

“Gross,” it was all Regulus could manage to say, he was still looking at James. At the way his biceps flexed in the position they were in, at the soft smirk on his face, at the chest hair that trailed down under the blanket; fuck. It was that that reminded him of an earlier thought, “two thousand pounds is absolutely not fucking enough, by the way. I think you owe me a fucking house at this point.”

“Really?” James sounded far, far, too pleased by this, the smile on his face could only be described as a shit eating grin. Regulus frowned at him, whacking him once with the pillow before rolling over to face the wall, the pillow held tightly against his chest.

“Goodnight, James,” Regulus kept his voice level, he hoped and prayed that he stayed on his side of the bed throughout the night, that he didn’t roll towards the body heat on the other side of the bed.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” Regulus groaned internally, James’ voice was smooth like fucking butter and he was calling him sweetheart while they were in Regulus’ bed and if Regulus didn’t get that fucking house he was going to go insane. It was his only two options, really, he either needed to get out of their flat as soon as this was over, or be put into a mental institution. Either way, he couldn’t stay after all this.

Eventually sleep claimed him, but it felt like it took years, and he knew he wouldn’t wake up feeling well rested at this rate. He was too hyper focused on every movement from behind him, and trying to keep his own breathing steady so at least James would think he was asleep, not kept awake at the sheer thought of James laying behind him.

Chapter Text

Regulus woke up warm, far warmer than he was used to. He tried to push the blanket off of himself, but it wouldn’t budge; he let out a soft huff, but buried his face deeper into his pillow, trying to will himself back to sleep.

Except, his pillow was not soft, as it usually was. Instead, it felt like a solid surface; still foggy with sleep Regulus shifted his head against the pillow, as if his placement would bring back the fluffy pillow he was familiar with.

It took far, far too long to realise what was happening, around the same time he noticed his pillow also had a heartbeat. His eyes snapped open, and his worst nightmare was confirmed immediately; throughout the night, despite how much he had willed himself not to, he had somehow ended up with his face pressed into James’ bare chest, an arm slung over his torso.

Fuck. 

To make matters worse, Regulus had also determined why the blanket wouldn’t move; the warm weight was James’ arm holding him close. Regulus’ heart was pounding, he wasn’t sure if James was awake yet, and he had no idea how to get out of this predicament, or if he even wanted to. 

Part of him wanted to just close his eyes, press his face deeper into James’ chest and just put off the crisis of James finding out they’d been cuddling all night. But, another part of him hoped he would be able to extract himself from this situation without James realising.

Regulus risked a look, he lifted his head slowly and held his breath as he turned to look up at James.

James whose eyes were open.

James who was looking right at him.

James… who was apparently awake and still holding Regulus close. 

That was nowhere near the top of the list of things that Regulus could handle first thing in the morning.

“G’morning,” James’ voice was rough with sleep, something Regulus had heard before but so rarely it came as a pleasant shock. Regulus was frozen still, head tilted at an uncomfortable angle to look up at James from his chest; he blinked at James, could feel the furrow of his brow as he did so.

Regulus settled on grunting at him before rolling out of James’ arms, finding his pillow and burying his face in it instead. He closed his eyes, determined to go back to sleep.

There was no way to be certain, but he could feel James’ eyes boring into the back of his head, Regulus was determined to not give in to it and turn around. He was absolutely not going to give in to James Potter’s hypothetical stare to the back of the head.

He wasn’t.

He was.

Regulus turned his head to look over his shoulder, and sure enough James was looking at him with a disappointed look on his face. Regulus was adding that to the list of things that he wasn’t going to be unpacking this morning. His eyes flicked to the clock on the bedside table, it was reading just after 6am, far too early for him to even consider waking up.

“Wha’s wrong?” Regulus slurred out, still on the edge of sleep.

“I was comfortable,” James sounded like a petulant child, and Regulus was going to regret this later, but he was tired.

“C’mere,” Regulus grumbled, gesturing with his head before he dropped his head back onto the pillow. There were sounds of light shuffling behind him, and then there was a warmth spread along his back.

James covered the entire length of his body, his knees tucking behind Regulus’ and an arm slinging over his stomach; Regulus did his best to keep his breathing steady, to keep every excited emotion pushed deep down inside. It was so close to too much, and then Regulus felt as James’ head dropped to the back of his neck, James’ warm breaths ghosting over his skin leaving goosebumps in its wake.

Regulus had two options; he could either close his eyes, go back to sleep, like he wanted to do. Or, he could sit here freaking out, with James close enough to be acutely aware of it. It didn’t take much more thought from him; it could never be proven, but he shuffled back into the warmth and then closed his eyes, letting the comfort of James’ breaths on his neck lull him back to sleep.

Next time Regulus woke up, he was alone in the bed, the other side long gone cold. With him, though, was the taste of disappointment and regret. Regulus dragged himself out of bed, not paying much attention as he changed out of the pyjamas he slept in and pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of trousers; his head was a mess of everything that happened last night, and was grateful that Effie and Fleamont were only there for one more night before heading home.

As he left the bedroom, the smell of bacon and eggs filtering down the hallway hit him; he paused for a moment, confused, but continued to walk down towards the kitchen where he found James stood over the stove, still not in a fucking t-shirt.

“Are you ever going to put a shirt back on?” Regulus grumbled as he walked to the fridge to get himself a drink, he paused when he heard a sharp intake of breath from James; he tilted his head as he looked at him, unsure what garnered that reaction.

“Says the person quite literally in my shirt,” James’ voice was strained, Regulus could see the white knuckle grip he had on the spatula that was in his hand.

“I am not,” Regulus protested, but he looked down and oh. Yeah, no, this was definitely the t-shirt that James was wearing yesterday, “huh, okay.”

Regulus looked back up and James and shrugged, “sorry, I’ll go get chang-”

“No!” Regulus had already started to turn, but stilled at James’ exclaim, slowly he turned to face back to James, who had embarrassment clear on his face. James cleared his throat, his eyes dragging down Regulus’ chest before turning back to the stove, “uh. No, no, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

Regulus continued in grabbing himself a drink, out of the corner of his eye he could see as James would turn to stare at him every few moments before going back to the food. Regulus leant against the counter facing James, glass of orange juice in his hands, and waited ; just as he’d been doing for the last few minutes, James’ eyes drifted over to him from the food.

“It’s really not an issue, I can go get changed,” Regulus fiddled with the hem of the shirt with his free hand, he felt so uncomfortable at James’ clear displeasure because of the shirt. He played with the fabric between his fingers, lifting it slightly as if he was going to strip it off in the middle of the kitchen.

James let out a wounded noise, dropping the spatula on the bench next to the stove and stalking over Regulus, he grabbed Regulus’ hand with one hand and smoothed the shirt down with another, his hand eventually landing on Regulus’ hip. James’ eyes were dark as he looked down at Regulus, avoiding his eyes; Regulus felt his mouth go dry, it was completely unintentional but James clearly was not happy about it.

“Keep it on for me, love,” James’ voice was almost hoarse, and Regulus felt right on the precipice of understanding something when the door to the flat banged open; the two of them jumped apart, juice spilling out of Regulus’ cup onto the floor as they both stared at the now open door with matching guilty expressions.

Fuck.

“When the hell were you two going to tell me you’re in a goddamn relationship?!” Sirius practically screeched at the two of them, and Regulus couldn’t believe they forgot to fucking tell Sirius. 

“Keep it down, mum and dad are still asleep,” James hissed at him, and Sirius seemed to consider that for a moment before nodding.

“So, you two? What do you have to say for yourselves?” Regulus opened his mouth to respond, but Sirius raised a finger to silence him immediately, “I had to hear about this from Effie. From Effie!”

“Sirius, just let me explai-” James started, but was cut off by an over eager Sirius. Regulus was worried, in all the times he had fantasised about dating James, he’d never quite been able to pinpoint whether Sirius would be ecstatic or angry at them, and it seemed like he was finally getting his answer.

“No, no, I have been listening to you pine about how you’re in love with my brother since sixth year, and you couldn’t even tell me you finally made a move?” Regulus’ eyes were on James as Sirius spoke, and was able to watch in what felt like slow motion as James tried to get Sirius to stop talking. But it was too late.

It was far too late.

Sixth year. 

James.

In love.

There was a lot to process.

Regulus was still staring at James, his brow furrowing as he tried to understand what Sirius was saying. It obviously made no sense. 

Except.

Didn’t it?

“Are either of you going to-”

“Sirius, please for the love of God, shut up,” James hissed out, and Regulus continued to say nothing as he brought the cup of juice to his mouth. For the first time in this whole endeavour, James looked uncomfortable, James looked like his best friend had just revealed an almost decade long secret in front of the one person who wasn’t meant to know the secret.

“Sixth year?” Is all Regulus could manage out, his voice shockingly level as he continued to stare at James.

There was a beat of silence, in his peripheral he could see Sirius’ eyes flitting between the two of them.

“Sixth year,” James confirmed, a slight wince in his expression as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

Regulus placed his glass on the counter and started to pace back and forth across the room.

James Potter had supposedly been in love with him since sixth year.

Regulus had spent the last year pining after someone who, what, was pining after him.

And Sirius knew the entire time.

“Why would you tell me to live here if you thought he… had a crush on me?” Regulus paused briefly to stare at Sirius, who looked thoroughly perplexed.

“I don’t know, I thought you’d get your shit together and you guys would get together, but I thought you’d tell me,” Sirius’ confusion was clear in his tone, but it was also apparent he was still upset about the whole thing.

“And, after almost a year, you didn’t think to mention to me about it,” Regulus was not directing his emotions in the correct direction, he was self aware enough to understand this, but he needed to be mad at someone right now, and Sirius was simply collateral damage.

“Well you figured it out, clearly.”

Something else clicked in Regulus’ brain, finally brought back to the point he was so close to getting just before; James’ dark eyes, James’ strained voice, James straightening out the shirt for him – holy fuck.

“You like that I’m in your shirt,” he pointed an accusatory finger at James, sounding like he just solved a decades long mystery and not, from the outside at least, accusing his boyfriend of liking sharing clothes.

“Didn’t think I hid that,” James shrugged slightly, despite the outraged noise from Sirius, Regulus’ finger was still outstretched as he processed that on top of everything else.

“What the fuck is happening here?” Finally, instead of the annoyance, Sirius just sounded lost.

“Sirius, we aren’t dating,” Regulus managed, his eyes still stuck to James, who looked every bit as frightened as Regulus had felt for the last week, “James needed a favour, and I am an incredibly good friend so I did it for him.”

Sirius spluttered out a response that was more noise than words, and Regulus dismissed him with a wave of his hand.

“Sirius, I cannot express to you how confused I am in this conversation, and as much as I would love to see you right now, I’d love for you to get out of our flat, and I will call to apologise and explain everything later, but right now I need to freak out, a little bit, and then maybe, maybe yell at James, I have not decided yet,” Regulus was still staring at James, his eyes incapable of tearing away from the expression on his face. 

Surely, surely, James was not so dumb as to put himself through the torture he’d been putting Regulus through as well. Surely, James must have fucking realised that Regulus was into him and not sat there doing this entire fake dating bullshit when they could’ve just actually dated.

“I came all the way over here,” Sirius whined, and Regulus finally turned to him, his eyebrows raised.

“Sirius do you actually think I give a fuck about your literal ten minute walk to our flat?” He glared at Sirius as he spoke, and Sirius matched it back to him; the only thing stopping them from dissolving into a petty, childlike argument was the sound of Effie and Fleamont making their way out of their room.

“James, turn off the stove,” Regulus could faintly smell something burning, hoping it was just the pan left on the heat for too long. He then proceeded to hiss at Sirius, “Sirius. Given you have come all this way, can you please go for breakfast with Effie and Monty, so James and I can talk?” 

“But James made breakfast,” Regulus was going to kill Sirius, he was going to become an only child and he wouldn’t mind one bit.

“Boys, I don’t entirely know what’s going on here, but I think Regulus is right,” Fleamont’s voice interrupted them, “the three of us can go out for breakfast because I think Regulus might hit you if you don’t leave, and we will be back in an hour or so.”

“Oh, yeah, ‘course,” Sirius grinned at Fleamont, and Regulus considered throttling him if only for the fact he wouldn’t listen when it was Regulus’ idea, but was all for it when it was Fleamont’s.

It didn’t take long for the three of them to file out, and then James and Regulus were staring at each other, silence tense between them. There were a lot of options of how to proceed, he wanted to scream at him, wanted to shake him, wanted to curl up in his arms because apparently that’s something he could do.

“Were you going to tell me?” Seemed like the safest bet, his arms crossed in front of him as he stared at James.

“No?” James shrugged slightly as he spoke and Regulus gaped at it, clearly unimpressed with the response, “look, I didn’t. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, okay? I spent a long time trying to just have that with you, and I wasn’t going to risk you moving out or hating me because you didn’t feel the same.”

“James the last week of going on stupid dates and you calling me pet names, and pretending in front of your parents,” Regulus let out an aggravated sigh, “that fucking sucked. Why did you even put yourself through that?”

“I lied, a little bit, about why I needed you to be my boyfriend,” James started, and there was a light flush against his cheeks, his eyes darting away from Regulus’ own, “I didn’t tell them I was dating you.”

“What?”

“Mum was pestering me about dating someone, she didn’t say it but I think she wanted me to stop pining after you, and then I told them I was dating someone and they, they assumed it was you,” James let out a sigh, scrubbing a hand over his face, “I didn’t have the heart to tell them it wasn’t.”

“Oh,” Regulus didn’t really know what to do with that information.

“And I didn’t think it would be that bad, it was two fucking nights. But I’m selfish, love, you suggested we should go on dates and take photos together, and I wanted that, I wanted to pretend it was real,” James was ever so slowly moving towards him, “then you fucking snapped at me about the ice cream thing and didn’t talk to me for two days.”

“Okay, in my defence-”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure it’s a great defence, I’m still going through my side of the torment. You ignored me for two days, and then still went along with this whole stupid fucking plan, and I couldn’t figure out why you’d do that, I thought maybe you were just being a good friend. And then you called me baby,” Regulus felt himself flush at it, James was still slowly crossing the room, taking a step every few words.

“Fuck, you called me baby, sweetheart that fucking killed me,” James’ tongue darted out to wet his lips, “and then we came back, you were dancing and singing, I wasn’t, I thought maybe I wasn’t reading into things, I thought maybe you might’ve liked me and you didn’t push me away. Single best moment of my life, for what it’s worth.”

“But last night, imagine my surprise, imagine my delight when you get asked about how you feel about me, and it doesn’t at all sound like someone who was pretending, then to top it all off you come out this morning in my shirt,” James sounded almost breathless, he’d crossed the room now, and Regulus felt so caught under his gaze; a hand lifted to cup his chin, fingers curled around his jaw. Holding him as if he was something fragile and important.

“Reg, I have been a little bit in love with you since I was sixteen,” Regulus’ breath caught at the words, it sounded so much more real coming out of James’ mouth instead of Sirius’, “and I’d really like to kiss you right now.”

“Yeah, yeah,” and then James was kissing him; soft, chaste before pulling back slightly, and no, that wouldn’t do. 

Regulus was still dizzy with it, somehow, so overwhelmed with everything that had been confessed, everything that was on the table now, and he wasn’t letting James get away with what was basically a peck. Regulus leant up, capturing James’ lips again in his own, sucking James’ bottom lip into his mouth and delighted when he felt James groan against his mouth.

James’ hand dropped to his hip, hand hot against Regulus’ skin even through the fabric, and then he was being stepped back until his back hit the wall, James’ mouth not leaving his own as they moved.

Regulus had to pull back to breathe, chest heaving as he looked up at James who looked fucking ecstatic, then there were kisses being pressed to his forehead, his cheeks, along his jawline, down his neck. Regulus let out a cut off noise as James pressed a kiss against the crook of his neck, his head falling back slightly to make more room for him.

“Baby,” Regulus managed to get out, and he felt James groan against his skin, “we really, we really fucking shouldn’t be doing this right now.”

James nodded, as if he agreed with Regulus, but then there was a leg being pushed between Regulus’, and James was hard against his hip and rocking against him. 

“We’re in the kitchen,” Regulus hissed at him, but his body betrayed him, his cock growing hard against James’ thigh, his hands finding their way around James’ back and clinging to his shoulders.

“Yeah, no, totally,” James was sucking a mark into his neck, teeth grazing the skin, his hand pushing against Regulus’ hip to get him to move against his thigh; Regulus let out another broken sound as he let himself move against James, one hand moving up to tangle in his hair as James finally moved his assault from Regulus’ neck back to his mouth.

“You are so,” James breathed the words against his mouth, “fucking beautiful, did you know that?” 

James didn’t give him a chance to respond before licking back into Regulus’ mouth, and Regulus couldn’t help the whine that tore from his throat. This was James, his James who he had been in love with for months, and now James was pressing him against a wall, and telling him he was beautiful, and saying he’d been in love with him.

“I have wanted to do this for years, wanted you,” the words came out of James as if he didn’t even know what he was saying, as if the thought entered his brain and left his lips without permission from his brain; his hands still urging Regulus to move against him, despite the fact Regulus no longer needed the encouragement, “you’re all I’ve ever wanted, fuck, I love you.”

Fuck.

Regulus dropped his head to James’ shoulder, his entire body tensing, fingers clutched tight into James’ hair and against his shoulder; he let out a broken whimper, something close to James’ name but not quite as he spilled inside his trousers, James continuing to guide him through it.

James stilled a second later, fingers tightening against Regulus’ hip, and holy shit. Regulus couldn’t even feel embarrassed about the fact he’d just came in his pants like a teenager, because he could feel the wetness on his hip from where James had done the same.

“Fuck,” James breathed out, lips chasing after Regulus’ own, pressing several chaste kisses there one after the other, their breaths mingling together.

“I cannot believe we had an entire flat, and you decided to make a move on me in the fucking kitchen,” Regulus grumbled, but there was no real heat to it, not when James’ hand was stroking against his cheek and James was looking at him like he was something precious.

“Sweetheart, I just found out the man I’d been in love with for years was interested in me as well, and you thought I was going to be able to make it out of the room we were in?” 

“Alright, fair,” Regulus pressed one last kiss to James’ lips, and then they were pulling away from each other, “we should have a shower.”

James lit up at it, and Regulus pointed a finger at him while narrowing his eyes.

“We should have separate showers,” Regulus couldn’t help but laugh at the disappointment on James’ face, but continued on, “when there is no longer the imminent threat of your parents and my brother coming back, we can shower together James, but right now I think we need to firmly keep our hands to ourselves.”

“I hate when you’re right,” James was smiling at him, though; his eyes sparkling as he looked at Regulus.

Regulus had to leave the room, if he didn’t tear himself away from James now he didn’t think he would be able to again; by the time he and James had both showered, they were sitting firmly on opposite ends of the couch just staring at each other.

“We don’t have to be this far apart, yanno?” James mused, and Regulus shook his head immediately.

“For the sake of my sanity, I cannot be close to you until there are other people in the vicinity,” James let out a laugh, it echoed through the room and Regulus found himself joining in.

Chapter Text

It didn’t take long for the rest of them to come back, they walked into the room cautiously, especially once they noticed the distance between Regulus and James on the couch; Sirius had a guilty look on his face, Regulus thought it served him right, even if it did work out for them.

“Regulus and I weren’t dating,” James said in lieu of a greeting, seemingly bracing himself for a large reaction from everyone in front of them.

What he got instead was Effie and Fleamont bursting into laughter; Regulus watched in horror as Fleamont opened his wallet and pulled out a ten pound note before passing it to his wife.

“Obviously not, darling,” Effie said, her tone kind.

“Did you fucking bet on it?” James half shouted, incredulous. 

“Well, we bet on whether or not you’d come clean,” Fleamont just shrugged, eyes filled with mirth.

“How did you even know we weren’t dating?” James sounded lost, and Regulus felt equally as confused.

“A mother always knows,” Effie started, grin wide on her face, “but also, the weekend before you told us, you were whining about how pretty Regulus was, and it wasn’t fair, I don’t even think you realised you were saying it, then suddenly the week after, you’d been dating for months.”

Regulus processed that for a second, before grabbing a cushion from behind him and throwing it at James.

“How are you the dumbest smart person I know?” He all but screeched at him, but there was laughter clear in his tone. Of course this was all for nothing, of course they had known all along.

“But, then why did you decide to stay here and make us share a bed if you knew?” 

“Oh, that’s easy,” Fleamont answered this time, “we thought it would be funny, plus, you boys seemed like you needed a push in the right direction. We didn’t realise how daft you both were, though, because from what Sirius told us at breakfast, you two needed it very clearly written out.”

“You told them?!” James shouted at Sirius, who still had that guilty look written all over his face.

“They guessed?”

“That doesn’t matter, don’t argue, boys,” Effie spoke, and James glared at Sirius one last time before looking back at her, “I assume, you’re dating now?”

“We didn’t really discuss it,” James said, looking over at Regulus as if to confirm.

“What did you even talk about for the last hour then?” It was Sirius’ turn to sound incredulous, and Regulus couldn’t hide the blush that spread across his cheeks, he watched in real time as Sirius took in the fact they were both freshly showered, a horrified look appearing on his face, “oh, oh you perverts. That’s my brother.”

“Okay, let's all settle, because Fleamont and I do not want to hear about that, no matter how happy we are for you,” Effie walked over to them, pulling them both off the couch and into a hug one by one, “don’t lie to us again, though, please.”

“Course not, sorry mum,” James winced as he apologised, and then Effie turned the conversation to a new direction, seemingly everything that needed to be said had been said. 

James looked over at Regulus, reaching his hand out to link their fingers together; Regulus smiled at him in return, squeezing his fingers for a moment.

The rest of the day passed without fanfare, the two of them finding any excuse to touch, to be close. Sirius would gag every time he saw it, but was always silenced by Effie swatting his arm and telling him to be an adult.

When Sirius finally left for the day, he made a point to tell Regulus he was happy for him, ruffling his hair in a way that was reminiscent of when they were children, and Regulus pulled him into a hug, a year long weight lifting off his shoulders that Sirius had no issue with him, or them.

Finally, the day drew to a close, and James and Regulus found themselves laying in Regulus’ bed together, facing each other. The room was dark around them, their fingers linked together in between them.

It was soft, quiet. They hadn’t had much of a chance to talk about them since the rest of their family came home, but Regulus found that he wasn’t in a rush, now that he knew they had each other, the rest didn’t really matter.

“I’ll buy you that house, you know,” James spoke softly, as if the words would crack the pristine moment they were in. It took Regulus a moment to understand, to remember what he’d said in a fit of petty obstinance the night before. His heart rabbited in his chest and his mouth went dry. 

“Don’t be an asshole,” he managed to croak back, because that’s what James was doing, he was being an asshole.

“Come on, love, don’t be like that,” James had the softest smile on his face, something so tender that Regulus couldn’t breathe all of a sudden.

Oh.

James wasn’t joking.

James was telling him that he would buy him a fucking house. A house for them.

“You, James Potter, would buy me, Regulus Black, a house?” Maybe, if he spelt it out, James would realise what he was saying, maybe he would retract it and Regulus would have to live in a world where for a moment this was a possibility. James always knew how to surprise him, though; because he was met with a smile that could light up an entire city during a blackout, and for a second, he swore his heart had stilled in his chest.

“Sweetheart, I’d buy you anything you wanted if it meant you’d stick around.”

It was too much, too soon; they were barely anything, but weren’t they. Had they not been drifting in and out of each other's lives since childhood? Had they not separated and come back together as if the world knew that James and Regulus were simply supposed to be? Had they not spent weeks, months, years always leading to this exact point?

“Sounds like a plan, baby,” Regulus whispered back into the quiet room before pressing a chaste kiss to James’ mouth; an overwhelming feeling of love overtaking him.