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It’s been a few months since the start of their… relationship.
HiMERU still winces a bit at the word. Him, in a relationship with the one Tatsumi Kazehaya? The person who he’s detested for so long, the one he blames for why he was an idol in the first place? It’s laughable, it’s absurd, and yet it’s true.
He’ll spare the details, it’s not pretty. But time has passed and HiMERU is sort of content with how they are now.
Well, aside from the fact Tatsumi wants to be by him every second of the day, and he wants to have his hands on him whenever he can. Not even just his hands, his hips and his cheeks and basically just his entire body needs to be on HiMERU at all times or he dies, apparently. Maybe HiMERU should deny him one of these days and watch him wither to the floor and pass away in front of him. He thinks that’d be funny.
Either way, Tatsumi wanting to touch him and be with him at all times means literally all times. Anywhere. Even in the very public ES building, where a multitude of idols mingle and walk through every day.
HiMERU has strict (maybe more lax than he’d like to admit though) rules for their… partnership. And one of those is that no one else can know about them. Their endeavors should be private, and no one needs to know about the idol HiMERU being in a relationship with Tatsumi Kazehaya.
And Tatsumi seemed fine with that, HiMERU wouldn’t expect any less, but what he didn’t expect was that he was way riskier than he thought he’d be.
Tatsumi waits at HiMERU’s dorm every single morning, greeting him with a smile. It made HiMERU jump when it first happened, and he resisted the urge to yell at Tatsumi for being there in the first place. He’ll then take HiMERU’s hand and drag him to go get breakfast together, saying something about how HiMERU needs to eat something for the most important meal of the day. He usually just ends up getting a coffee, not wanting to ruin his diet.
(Unfortunately, Tatsumi will feed HiMERU parts of his own breakfast, repeating his earlier phrases, and so HiMERU’s diet has been messed up for months.)
The problem though, is the fact that they are not alone. They’re either in the dorms or in the cafeteria, which are very public places, and Tatsumi seems to not be able to dial it back at all.
Holding his hand as they walk the halls and sitting on the same side of the booth as HiMERU for breakfast, bringing his fork up to HiMERU’s mouth to feed him and smiling so brightly at him when he reluctantly takes the bite.
It might partly be HiMERU’s fault for not doing anything, but it’s obviously mostly Tatsumi’s for even doing these things in the first place. What part of private did this fool not understand?
To his credit, HiMERU notices he drops his hand when someone walks by in the halls, and looks around for people before he feeds HiMERU, but them being so close in the first place is the problem. There’s people and cameras everywhere, didn’t he know that?
Which brings them too today. Another morning of that scenario, and HiMERU has almost gotten used to it.
He takes a sip of his coffee as he scrolls on his phone, hearing Tatsumi’s fork clink on his plate every time he goes in for a bite.
After a few moments, the clinking stops and HiMERU looks to his right, seeing Tatsumi smiling and holding out a bite of his pancakes to him. No syrup on his bite like he prefers. He might like sweet things, but the texture and stickiness of syrup makes him shiver.
Without thinking, HiMERU tucks his hair behind his ear and leans towards Tatsumi’s fork, taking the bite in his mouth and pulling back.
Tatsumi’s smile gets even bigger as he watches, and HiMERU avoids his gaze. Maybe he’ll never get used to that gentle and affectionate smile of his.
He’s about to lean back to look at his phone when he hears a high-pitched voice speak out.
“Tattsun-senpai?”
HiMERU almost chokes on the bite of the pancake as he hurriedly pulls as far away from Tatsumi as he can without looking unnatural. He doesn’t even look at the other while he answers his unit mate.
“Ah, Aira-san! I don’t usually see you down here this early.” Tatsumi says, and it sounds nothing like he was just caught spoon feeding someone from their rival unit. Or that he was caught there with him at all.
“Tenshouin-senpai and Sakuma-senpai’s partition fell over and woke me up half an hour ago, so I decided to come get breakfast early.” Aira says, before HiMERU assumes he shakes his head a bit. (He doesn’t know, he’s trying to pretend he’s doing something on his phone to avoid making the situation more awkward.)
“B-but anyway, Tattsun-senpai, no offense but why are you with HiMERU-senpai...?” He asks quickly. “I mean, it just seems like an unlikely duo…”
HiMERU thanks Tatsumi’s God that he didn’t see— or just didn’t mention, Tatsumi feeding him.
Said man lets out a serene laugh. “HiMERU-san and I go way back, I’m sure I’ve told you before. It’s not that strange that we're having breakfast together.”
“You have and I guess so but…” Aira seems to hesitate a bit before speaking again. His voice goes down to a whisper, presumably for HiMERU to not hear, though he does anyway. “I honestly thought HiMERU-senpai didn’t like you much.”
HiMERU laughs inwardly at his straightforwardness, but then grimaces at himself for being so obvious about his disdain. Previous disdain? No, he really hates Tatsumi right now for not spotting his unit mate before feeding him.
Tatsumi gently laughs at his words and shakes his head. “Don’t worry Aira-san, I can assure you he doesn’t.” He does. He hopes Tatsumi actually knows that. “It’s just a breakfast between friends, as we ran into each other this morning.”
He decides it’s time to look up and he spots Aira’s pursed lips when Tatsumi speaks. They then make eye contact and Aira can’t help but light up and squeeze his hands to his chest. HiMERU vaguely remembers this kid has a thing for idols, so maybe that's why.
“A-ah, HiMERU-senpai…! Seeing your face in person is so ravely!!” He says, making HiMERU raise his eyebrow. He’s been sitting there this whole time, why is he fanboy-ing just now? It seems he remembered right though, as Aira goes on for a minute about having bought his latest bromide set, but he realizes what he’s doing and shakes his head.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to go on for so long! Seeing your face must’ve brought out my inner idol otaku and— well, I-I won’t disturb any more of your breakfast, I’ll leave!” He says suddenly, before turning and running off. HiMERU thinks it’s a little strange, but who is he to judge? He did want to thank him for buying his bromide set, but he can just do that next time he sees him.
HiMERU turns to Tatsumi to see him waving at him as he runs off, and HiMERU clicks his tongue, making Tatsumi look at him.
Tatsumi’s face goes into one of sheepishness as he sees the glare on HiMERU’s expression. “I’m sorry HiMERU-san, I had no idea Aira-san was going to be here today.”
He keeps glaring at him for a moment before sighing. “You really are a fool. What if he caught us? He seems like the type to not be able to keep his mouth shut, the whole of ES might’ve known by this afternoon.” He complains.
Tatsumi’s face softens a bit, and he shakes his head. “Aira-san can keep a secret, I trust him. So even if we were caught, I’m sure it’d be fine.” He then grabs HiMERU’s hand which rests on the table. “I’m sorry for not looking well though, I know you don’t want us to be found out.” He says sincerely, though there seems to be a bit of sadness in his eyes.
HiMERU stares for a second before huffing and intertwining their hands. “This better not happen again, Tatsumi Kazehaya.” He relents, and Tatsumi brightens a bit and brings their hands up so he can kiss HiMERU’s knuckles.
HiMERU’s face heats up a bit, and he goes back to scrolling on his phone so Tatsumi can’t say anything else. He does bring up another bite of food for him a few seconds later, and HiMERU takes it like he always does.
Turns out it does happen again.
He doesn’t know why he agreed to go to a cafe with Tatsumi, maybe it was the promise of sweet treats that HiMERU didn’t have to pay for.
They sit outside since it’s a nice day, there are barely any clouds in the sky and the sun isn’t too harsh. HiMERU has a nice-looking cheesecake in front of him that he eats while Tatsumi chats about a news article he saw this morning. Under the table, their shins touch, and every few minutes or so Tatsumi takes a sip of the tea he ordered.
As HiMERU nods along and takes another bite, Tatsumi suddenly stops and looks at him. HiMERU raises an eyebrow at the sudden stop. He doesn’t say anything as he’s still chewing but Tatsumi takes it upon himself to lean forwards anyway.
Tatsumi’s thumb comes up to the corner of HiMERU’s mouth and wipes away presumably a piece of cheesecake that got stuck, and before HiMERU could thank him, Tatsumi then licks his thumb that had just been near HiMERU’s mouth.
A small blush breaks out on his cheeks as he sees Tatsumi smile. “I can see why you like this place’s cheesecake so much, HiMERU-san. It’s very sweet.” He speaks like nothing happened, and maybe nothing did happen to him, but HiMERU feels a bit flustered. They haven’t even kissed yet and yet Tatsumi thinks it’s okay to eat something that was on his mouth?!
He gives HiMERU a cheeky look as he goes back to talking, and HiMERU has no choice but to pout a bit and go back to eating. Just before he can bring another bite up to his mouth, he hears a chuckle.
“Merumeru and Tatsumi-chan? How unexpected to find you two here.”
Rinne Amagi stands at their table with his hands on his hips and a shit eating grin. HiMERU sets down his fork as he feels annoyance rise up in his chest at once again being caught together, and by Rinne no less.
“Amagi. What brings you here?” He asks, in lieu of acknowledging his previous jab. He glances at Tatsumi to see a nervous look on his face, as he doesn’t have much experience in talking to Rinne.
“Ya boy here was just wandering around for something to eat, ‘cause I just won big at the pachinko parlor, when I saw you two sitting here at this cute cafe.” He says, smirking a bit. “Seems to me like you two are on a little date. Lemme guess, Tatsumi-chan paid for ya?”
He hears Tatsumi almost choke on his tea and HiMERU has to resist the urge to throw his fork at Rinne.
“No, everything that you just said is wrong.” He gives him a small glare before he continues speaking. “HiMERU just happened to run into Tatsumi while here, and he decided to sit down and order something with his own money. That’s it.” HiMERU says firmly. He glances at Tatsumi to see him still looking nervous, a bead of sweat falling down his temple.
Rinne gives him a look, a raised eyebrow and pursed lips and HiMERU challenges his gaze. He’s used to lying, so he knows how to keep his face steady.
After a few minutes, Rinne hums and his face breaks out in a grin. “Alright! I’ll believe you this time Merumeru. But don’t get too comfortable.” He speaks. “Mind if I hang out with you two for a little bit? Niki ain’t done with dinner yet and I figured I’d give him some privacy while he cooks.” A cheeky smirk crosses his face and HiMERU really wants to choke out someone other than Tatsumi this time.
He glances at Tatsumi, who has that look on his face. The one where his eyebrows are downturned, and his smile isn’t as big and it means that he wants to say no to whatever someone is asking him but he’s too nice to even utter the word. HiMERU has seen it many times, and he’s always the one who has to say no in place of Tatsumi.
This time is a little different. If HiMERU says no, that might confirm whatever suspicions Rinne has in his mind about them being together. And having Rinne on his back about something like this, he’ll no doubt be subject to constant and annoying teasing from the younger man.
If he says yes though, that means he and Tatsumi’s outing will be ruined. It was absolutely perfect just listening to Tatsumi’s (admittedly very nice and soothing) voice talk about nothing while he eats one of his favorite treats on a bright sunny day.
…Rinne ends up sitting to the left of HiMERU and babbling about his win at the pachinko parlor and how lucky he is. Tatsumi seems at least slightly entertained by his talking, and HiMERU can tell that he doesn’t want to seem rude. HiMERU simply finishes his cheesecake before standing up and saying that he’s leaving. Rinne cackles and says that he’s only been there a few minutes, so why the rush?
He feels bad leaving Tatsumi, as they were supposed to walk back together, but that would only raise more suspicion. He throws another glance at Tatsumi over Rinne’s head and can see the disappointed expression on his face. He gives him a pitiful look back as he walks away with a farewell as well as a look of annoyance thrown at Rinne.
A few months or so after the Rinne incident, HiMERU has decided that they need to spend some time out of the public eye for a while. Which is why they’re currently in Tatsumi’s dorm, entangled with each other on his bed.
It’s a little bit uncomfortable with another body so close to him, the heat radiating off Tatsumi’s every pore and his uneven breathing that HiMERU has to feel because he’s laying against his chest and the way HiMERU’s hand is a little sweaty as he hugs Tatsumi’s sweater, it's just overall not something HiMERU would really like.
He does, however. He feels comfortable and sort of sleepy and very content, though he would never tell Tatsumi that. He can guess that he knows though, because Tatsumi seems to know everything about him. The way Tatsumi’s thumb traces his nape in a soothing motion is just right, it feels as if HiMERU actually directed Tatsumi himself.
“HiMERU isn’t going to sleep, you don’t need to do that.” He says though, because he really doesn’t want to sleep and if Tatsumi keeps doing that, he just might. He looks up at Tatsumi with a frown on his face.
Said man only smiles and instead threads the hand that was at his nape through HiMERU’s hair, and it makes HiMERU shiver. “I wouldn’t mind having you sleep on my chest, HiMERU-san, so don’t worry about that.” Tatsumi speaks with a teasing tilt to his voice and a small smile.
HiMERU scoffs. “HiMERU isn’t worried about that.” Tatsumi would probably not move even when his whole body aches, if only to not disturb HiMERU’s rest. “He can’t stay over tonight even if your roommate is gone. HiMERU has to pack to leave for the tour tomorrow, remember?”
Tatsumi’s face seems to fall a little, but he nods anyway. He starts scratching HiMERU’s scalp a little bit with his fine trimmed nails and HiMERU thinks if he were a cat he would probably be purring. It’s a good thing he isn’t though.
“Of course I remember.” He says, slightly sad. “I’m sure you’re excited to travel throughout Japan, but you’ll be gone for a while. You have to pack accordingly.” He speaks like he’s trying to convince himself of something, which HiMERU finds silly.
“Yes, he does. So he can’t fall asleep here. In fact, it might be a good idea for HiMERU to leave now anyway.” He says this but makes no effort to get up, and he actually just snuggles a bit closer to Tatsumi, pushing his head up into Tatsumi’s scratches.
Tatsumi lets out a small coo as he continues to pet him, and HiMERU hopes this is at least cheering him up a little. As much as he hates to admit it, seeing Tatsumi Kazehaya sad is much worse than seeing him happy.
He doesn’t really want to talk about the tour, as he has his own feelings about it (read: Tatsumi Kazehaya), and so he hums and changes the subject.
“You had practice today, right? How did that go?” He asks. Tatsumi always has stories to tell about his… eccentric unit mates.
Tatsumi smiles at him and launches into a recounting about how Hiiro decided he wanted to try to crawl in the vents like Mayoi halfway through their session, but he ended up getting lost so they had to spend the rest of the time guiding him.
HiMERU listens contently as he clings to Tatsumi’s sweater, nuzzling his face a bit closer to his chest. He feels vulnerable yet safe and it scares him a little being this intimate.
Before he can dwell on that, he faintly hears a rattling noise from above them.
Tatsumi seems to hear it too as he trails off in his talking, and they both look up at the vent that rests on the ceiling a little ways from Tatsumi’s bed. The rattling gets a bit louder as whatever it is approaches, and both Tatsumi and HiMERU seem to hold their breath as they wait.
It suddenly stops, and teal eyes peek down at them briefly. HiMERU swears they make eye contact before the eyes seem to light up in surprise and fear. Even more frantic rattling ensues as the eyes retreat, and whoever it is gets quieter as they get further away.
A minute passes before either of them speak again. “Was that… your unit mate?” HiMERU asks Tatsumi, sort of bewildered.
“Yes, that was… that was Mayoi-san I think.” Tatsumi says, a little hesitant.
“So that’s one more person…” HiMERU trails off, sighing and turning back to Tatsumi’s chest and lightly hitting his head to it.
“It’ll be okay, HiMERU-san. Mayoi-san can keep a secret.” He says, trying to brighten his mood by patting his head, which only earns him a huff.
“That doesn’t help at all. HiMERU has said we need to keep this a secret.” He replies. To be honest, he’s mostly scared of how this will affect his idol reputation. Of how he’ll deal with it once he wakes up. It’s why he’s been so insistent that it be kept under wraps.
“I know, I know…” Tatsumi says, his voice a bit solemn yet comforting. “We’ll be more careful. HiMERU-san shouldn’t have to worry so much.”
HiMERU shakes his head yet says nothing as he hugs Tatsumi a bit tighter.
“You’re a fool.” He finally says, for lack of anything else to say.
Tatsumi only laughs gently and gives his head a kiss. They lay there, not thinking about the encounter anymore and just basking in each other for the time they have left.
HiMERU has found that Tatsumi is very fond of walking him places, and just walking with him in general. Maybe it’s the hand holding aspect, or maybe it’s the fact that he’s with HiMERU. He doesn’t know the exact reason, but it’s become sort of a routine now that Tatsumi is just there whenever HiMERU has to go somewhere.
Today, Tatsumi’s walking him to where Crazy:B’s tour bus resides outside of Ensemble Square.
HiMERU can feel the anxiety radiating off Tatsumi’s every move. The way his hand is a bit more sweaty than it usually is in his, how he’s trying to stay as close to him as possible no matter how many times they just bump into each other, and how his expression is just a little bit off. He can see it in the crinkle of his eyebrows and the way his eyes look.
He’s always been good at reading people, but when he got so good at reading Tatsumi, he didn't know.
In any case, Tatsumi is anxious for him to leave for his tour. And HiMERU would be lying if he said didn’t feel the same way.
HiMERU is the perfect idol, and he never has any worries about performing on stage, but he has other worries. Like the fact that he’ll have to leave Tatsumi for almost two months is making him feel like he’s doing something wrong.
This stupid fool of a saint who follows him around everywhere he goes like a puppy, who he’s slowly but surely letting into his private life, who he has spent almost every day for the past ten months with, who he thinks might even truly love him, isn’t going to be by his side for about two months.
He feels sort of pathetic for being anxious and upset about it, and he partially blames Tatsumi for getting him so attached, but he thinks he can admit it. He’s going to miss him.
And from the looks of it, Tatsumi is going to miss him too. As they walk closer to their destination, Tatsumi squeezes his hand harder. The tour bus is in view, with Crazy:B’s faces plastered across the front. HiMERU’s face stares back at him when he looks at it, and he has to force himself to look away as he and Tatsumi stop a distance away as to not get caught.
They look at each other for a minute, and HiMERU can see the emotions swirling in Tatsumi’s stupidly pretty eyes. Tatsumi takes his other hand in his as he takes a deep breath and gives him a small smile, presumably not able to give a bigger one for fear of crying.
“I hope you have fun, HiMERU-san. I’ll be watching every live, I’m sure you’ll be amazing.” He says tenderly, as he rubs his thumbs over HiMERU’s knuckles.
HiMERU nods. “Of course he will, HiMERU is perfect on stage and off.” He replies. But his heart isn’t in it this time as he gazes at Tatsumi with what he can only assume is a pitiful frown, because Tatsumi leans into him to put their foreheads together.
Tatsumi chuckles a bit, his breath hitting HiMERU’s face and tickling his nose. “You have to smile, HiMERU-san. Allow me the selfish request of seeing you smile at only me once more before you leave.”
It’s an absurd request in HiMERU’s eyes, but he supposes it wouldn’t hurt. Tatsumi being this close makes him let out a small giggle anyway, and he sees Tatsumi’s smile grow a bit at that.
“There you go.” Tatsumi tells him, as he takes one of his hands away from HiMERU’s own in order to cup his cheek. “Please take care of yourself, okay? Make sure to eat all three meals since I won’t be there to feed you.” HiMERU lets out a scoff at that.
“HiMERU doesn’t need to be fed by you to eat. He’ll be just fine.”
Tatsumi laughs and his eyes grow fond. “I’m sure you will.”
He looks at HiMERU for a little bit longer before he seems to remember where he is and gives a little sigh. With his hand still on HiMERU’s cheek, he stops leaning against him and instead gives him a small yet tender kiss on his other cheek, before letting go of him all together.
“See you after the tour, HiMERU-san. I’ll pray God blesses you with a safe trip.”
HiMERU huffs through his nose as he feels his cheeks heat up. “HiMERU will have a safe trip no matter what.” He says a bit condescending, but then he softens. “HiMERU will miss you, Tatsumi.”
Tatsumi’s smile turns into one of his signature grins, as HiMERU sees his cheeks dust pink as well. “I’ll miss you too. I–”
“HiMERU-han?”
Both of them whip around at the sound of a new voice, and they find HiMERU’s pink haired ultimate standing in front of them with his eyebrow raised.
“What’re ya doin’?” Kohaku asks, and his eyes narrow as he looks at their close proximity. Luckily, they weren’t touching anymore, but it still looks suspicious.
The situation reminds him of when he and Tatsumi acted for Ai☆stars and how Kohaku discovered them, but now HiMERU really does have something much more major to hide.
“Hello, Oukawa.” He speaks, thinking quickly to try and come up with an explanation. He takes an unfortunate step back from Tatsumi who does the same once he sees HiMERU do so. “Tatsumi was just giving HiMERU his phone that he left in the cafeteria. He didn’t want to waste time going to get it.” He comes up with a complete lie, but he does pull out his phone from his pocket to ‘prove’ himself.
Kohaku eyes the phone skeptically. “And Tatsumi-han had ta get two inches away from your face ta give it to ya?” He asks, making HiMERU sweat a bit. He doesn’t have an answer to that one.
“Ah, I was just getting a leaf out of HiMERU-san’s hair before you came. There are leaves everywhere this autumn, you know.” Tatsumi quickly answers for him, and HiMERU gives a nod and a hum to affirm it.
Kohaku’s eyes narrow a bit more before he sighs. “Well, I came here in the first place ta tell ya we’re about ta leave, HiMERU-han. So c’mon.” He motions for HiMERU to follow, and so he does.
When Kohaku is turned around, HiMERU looks back at Tatsumi who he sees take a sigh of relief that almost makes HiMERU laugh. He gives a wave to Tatsumi when he looks back, and he sees him grin in return and wave goodbye back.
Another misstep.
Tatsumi huffs in frustration as he trips over his own feet once again. His leg hurts and he can’t seem to get his rhythm to match with any of his unit mates’ and it’s been an hour and he’s sweaty and he really just wants to go back to his dorm.
It’s been about two weeks since HiMERU left, and it’s thrown his whole routine off. He can admit without any hesitation that he really misses the other. Holding his hand and seeing his cute reactions whenever Tatsumi teases him and being with him whenever he can…
He gives a sigh as he straightens himself up to try again with their choreography, but is stopped with a meek presence at his side.
He turns and sees Mayoi with a worried look on his face. “U-um, Tatsumi-san, are you okay?” He asks, fiddling with his practice jacket. “You seem a little off, and like you’re struggling with the choreography… ah, not to say you’re doing bad or anything! Y-you’re doing great I just–”
Tatsumi cuts him off with a gentle smile. “It’s okay, Mayoi-san. Thank you for worrying about me, but I can assure you I’m okay.” He lies blatantly, but he can’t let his precious unit mates worry about him, and he certainly can’t let them know the reason.
“Tattsun-senpai…” Aira comes up to them and gives Tatsumi a little glare. “You don’t have to lie to us, we can tell you haven’t been doing well this session. We aren’t dumb” He says bluntly, and Tatsumi gives him an apologetic look in return.
“I apologize, you’re right. I’ve been a little stressed recently, and it’s hindered my ability to practice today.” He says, giving a small bow.
Aira sighs at that, and shakes his head. “No worries, but you need to take a break, okay? We’ve been practicing for a whole hour now so it’s time anyways.” He then pouts at Tatsumi. “But if you feel bad even after the break, don’t keep going! We won’t be set back by having a shorter practice session.”
Tatsumi softens at Aira’s words. He can tell the boy cares for him, and that he really has matured since the first time they met. He feels proud of his junior, and he can’t help but let out a small giggle. “Of course, Aira-san.”
Aira nods before giving him a smile. “Good!” He turns around quickly to look at what Hiiro’s doing, only to find him still practicing some moves in the mirror. “Ugh, Hiro-kun! You can stop now, we’re taking a break!”
Said boy stops and looks back at him before smiling and walking over to them. “Umu! Good decision Aira!” He exclaims, causing Aira to huff and look away, before zeroing in on Mayoi who stands at Tatsumi’s side.
“Mayo-senpai!” He calls out, making Mayoi yelp. “Do you wanna go down to the vending machines and get some drinks with me?”
Mayoi’s face breaks out in a smile. “Aaah, of course I will Aira-saaaan~!” He replies excitedly, and Aira nods and starts heading to the door, Mayoi following.
“We’ll get you guys something too!”
Tatsumi and Hiiro end up alone in the room, and Hiiro turns to him.. “How about you just sit down, Tatsumi-senpai? Maybe it’ll help your leg.”
“That’s a great idea, Hiiro-san. I’ll do just that.” He says, and he goes over to where his practice bag sits in the corner. Sitting down is a bit of a struggle with the phantom pain of his leg still throbbing, but he manages to after a few seconds.
He reaches into his bag and pulls out his phone, and perks up when he sees a notification about a recording for Crazy:B’s latest live. He’s so excited to watch that he forgets to pull out his headphones, but luckily his volume isn’t too loud.
There’s a small introductory section before the live where the members introduce themselves and say hello to the fans, and Tatsumi’s eyes go to HiMERU immediately.
He goes second, and Tatsumi feels his heart melt when he hears HiMERU’s voice.
“Hello everyone, this is HiMERU from Crazy:B. HiMERU will capture you with his presence, so please don’t take your eyes off him.” He says, and his voice seems to allure the entire crowd as they get quieter while he talks, and as soon as he’s done the venue erupts into screams and cheers. He sees a few fans that are in frame swoon, and Tatsumi can’t help but feel a little bit possessive.
But he can’t blame them. Tatsumi’s face gets a bit red as he sighs, giddy. HiMERU’s voice and charm pull him in and makes him feel weak. What makes him feel even more giddy is the fact that for the past year, he’s actually gotten to be with HiMERU and hold his hand and cuddle with him. All things no one else gets to do.
He’s been able to see his more bratty and cute side, which is many times better than the fanservice any fan could ever receive. He’s also shown HiMERU’s rare moments of sweetness, and his defensiveness whenever Tatsumi teases him. He giggles thinking about it, before he feels a bit of longing in his chest. He really misses him.
The beginning notes of their newest song starts from his speakers, which has Tatsumi’s favorite choreography to date.
Before Tatsumi’s favorite part can come on, a shadow looms over him, making him look up. He sees Hiiro, who’s looking at him curiously.
“Are you watching one of Crazy:B’s lives?” He asks, leaning down a little bit. “I didn’t know you watched them in your free time!”
Tatsumi smiles and nods his head, pausing the video so he doesn’t miss much. “Yes, recently I’ve been watching their lives. I think that the way they interact on stage and with their fans is something I can learn from.” It’s not a complete lie, as he does admire the way Crazy:B go about interacting with their fans, but it was definitely more than that.
Hiiro nods. “Yes, they are. My brother really knows how to get the audience fired up!” He says proudly, and Tatsumi smiles and nods. He thinks it’s pretty sweet how much Hiiro likes and admires his older brother.
Hiiro perks up then. “Tatsumi-senpai, is it alright if I watch with you? I wanna watch nii-san!”
Tatsumi pouts a little internally about not being able to fawn over HiMERU alone now, but he supposes as long as he’s still able to watch him, he’ll be fine. So he nods and Hiiro sits down next to him.
He presses play and they both watch the stream happily, singing along to the songs and cheering for Crazy:B. Eventually, Mayoi and Aira come back and get roped into watching too once they come back with drinks, and they end up spending the rest of their practice time watching the rest of the live show. It’s nice being with his friends and watching something he enjoys, and having his eyes on HiMERU the whole time simply adds to it.
It does end up making Tatsumi feel a little bit better, and by the time he gets back to his room, he feels tired yet content. He changes into his night clothes and slips into his bed, having an easier time falling asleep than previous nights.
He ends up dreaming of soft skin and blue hair, with serene laughs and sweet words and a warm feeling in his chest all throughout.
HiMERU sits on his hotel bed, reading a book while he winds down from the live show they held today. His eyes scan the pages, but he doesn’t really take any words in. His mind is occupied by thinking about a certain mint haired man.
He sighs as he adjusts himself to laying against the pillows. The hotel bed is different from what he’s used to and it adds to his bad mood.
A few minutes pass of him trying and failing to actually read the book, before he sighs again and sets it down, deciding that maybe getting something to eat would help. Or at least distract him.
He goes out to the kitchen and finds Niki looking around in the fridge. He doesn’t notice him at first until he stands up with something in his hands. “Oh, HiMERU-kun! Are you hungry?” He asks, tilting his head.
“HiMERU just came out here for something small.” He answers, but he looks a bit closer at the box Niki’s holding. The pattern looks familiar, and it takes him a second but he perks up when he realizes that’s a bento box that Tatsumi packed in his bag before he left. He doesn’t know when he snuck it in there, but HiMERU found it in one of his bags and decided to put it in the fridge to save for when he really missed him. He forgot about it until now.
Before he can speak up, Niki laughs. “Well this bento box has been in here since we arrived and no one has eaten it yet, so we could share if you want!” He exclaims, before opening it with a smile.
“Ah, Shiina–”
“What’s this?” He asks, pulling out a small piece of paper from the top and looking at it. It’s a little bit soggy from being in there for so long, so HiMERU can make out the faint backwards writing from where he stands. As soon as he sees Tatsumi's name he panics, and not wanting Niki to read it, he quickly snatches it from him.
“HiMERU-kun?!” Niki yelps, surprised that his usually calm unit mate would suddenly snatch something out of his hands like that.
HiMERU clears his throat sheepishly. “Ahem. Shiina, you shouldn’t open other people's things you know. Whoevers lunch this is would be upset that you went through their things.” He says, and he takes the bento box out of Niki’s hands more gently this time. He sweats a bit as he wills Niki not to ask anymore questions and to let it go.
“But it’s been sitting here forever! I’m hungry HiMERU-kuuuun!” Niki whines as he tries to grab the box back from him. “I’m sure if it’s Rinne-kun or Kohaku-chan’s they wouldn’t mind!”
HiMERU has an internal debate about sharing the food that Tatsumi packed for him with someone else, but after a few more seconds of Niki trying to grab it and looking at him with pleading eyes, he sighs. He discreetly pockets the note before he softly pushes Niki away. “Fine. How about you and HiMERU share it?” He relents.
Niki’s face lights up in a smile as he nods quickly. “Yes, thank you HiMERU-kun!” He says excitedly, turning around to go grab some extra chopsticks.
HiMERU walks over to the table in the center of the kitchen and sets the bento down, looking into it. The food is all shaped like little animals and there’s a few hearts thrown in there too, and HiMERU has to keep away the urge to smile. Tatsumi always makes his cooking look like art, and it makes HiMERU feel fond.
Niki comes back a few seconds later and sits down beside him, scooting his chair a little closer. “Wow! Whoever made this did amazing! These little rice balls that look like bears are so cute!” He compliments, and for some reason HiMERU is the one who feels a sense of pride. “I bet they’ll taste even better~!”
They both eat the food, and Niki gives many more compliments that lift HiMERU’s mood. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Tatsumi made this food for him that he feels proud. Whatever it is, Niki is right. The food is really good and there isn’t a single thing that HiMERU dislikes. And sharing the food Tatsumi prepared with someone else isn’t bad either. It’s nice to eat with someone else if it can’t be Tatsumi.
Once they’re done, Niki tells him that he’s still hungry and that he’s going to cook something else. He offers to make HiMERU a portion as well, but he declines. Partially because he wasn’t that hungry in the first place, and partially because there’s a note in his back pocket that he’s itching to read.
HiMERU says his goodbyes as he goes back to his room, and as soon as he shuts the door he takes the note out, holding it up to read with anticipation.
“Hello, HiMERU-san! I hope your tour is going well. By now I’ll have watched a few of your performances, and I know that you’re doing amazing. I miss you though, and I hope you miss me too. Come back soon, alright? Love, Tatsumi.” The note says, and it’s decorated with messily drawn hearts and a few emojis. And in the lower right corner, “P.S. Whenever you read this, please call when you aren’t busy.”
HiMERU perks up when he reads that and immediately runs to his bedside table to get his phone from where it rests. He quickly navigates to Tatsumi’s contact and doesn’t hesitate when pressing the call button.
He puts it up to his ear and it rings once before it picks up and Tatsumi’s voice fills his ears. “HiMERU-san…!”
“Tatsumi.” He says, a gentle smile forming on his face.
They end up talking into the night, about anything and everything they’ve experienced since being apart. It’s way past the time either of them are supposed to be in bed when they finally decide to hang up.
Before HiMERU can say goodbye first, Tatsumi speaks up eagerly. “Ah, HiMERU-san! Um…” He trails off, and HiMERU hums to show that he’s listening. He hears Tatsumi take a breath. “I love you.”
The words catch him off guard, as this is the first time either of them have said those three words to each other. HiMERU’s heart starts beating a bit faster as he smiles unconsciously.
It takes a few seconds for him to respond, but when he does his voice is laced with adoration. “‘I’ love you too.”
After almost two long months, Crazy:B is finally going home.
HiMERU sits in the tour bus, trying to scroll on his phone to distract from how excited and anxious he is.
Only one person could ever make him feel like that, and he’ll be seeing that person as soon as the bus pulls into the Ensemble Square parking lot. Tatsumi told him when they were on the phone that he didn’t want to wait for HiMERU at all and that he wanted to see him right away, and HiMERU would be a fool to disagree.
He mentioned something about bringing ALKALOID along as well, but HiMERU isn't focused on that.
“Hey, Merumeru!” Rinne says, sliding over to where he sits on the couch and throwing his arm around him. HiMERU almost drops his phone, and he gives Rinne a glare. “Ya ready to be back home with yer little boyfriend~?”
HiMERU glares harder at the tease. “HiMERU doesn’t know who you’re talking about, Amagi.” He speaks sternly, but he can’t help a slight blush that coats his cheeks. “HiMERU is glad to be going back to the dorms, that’s all.”
Kohaku comes into his field of view with his arms crossed and his eyebrow raised. “Really? Yer not looking forward to seein’ the guy you looked ready to kiss before we left?”
HiMERU’s mouth dropped open at his words. His blush gets a bit deeper as he yells incredulously. “Oukawa!”
“It’s true!” He says as he points at him. “I know someone like you wouldn’t just leave yer phone somewhere, and to have him of all people get it for ya is mighty suspicious.”
“Oh-hoh, so you both had a little romantic parting, huh?” Rinne says with a look, and HiMERU has to physically push him away or else he thinks he’ll explode.
“HiMERU did not have a romantic parting with anyone. How dare you both defile HiMERU’s name like this.” The blush on his cheeks hasn’t gone away and he knows at this point he’s fighting a losing battle, but he has to try anyway.
He hears someone take a bite of an apple to his left, and he turns to find Niki with a confused look on his face. “Are we talking about Tatsumi-kun?” He asks, and him saying that almost makes HiMERU yell in frustration. Does the whole world know at this point?
“We are not talking about him.” He says sternly, but Rinne only lets out a grating laugh.
“We sure are Niki! Merumeru over here’s trying to deny it, but we all know he’s in loooove~!” He drags the word out and makes a kissy face when he’s done, and HiMERU cringes at him.
“It’s pretty obvious, HiMERU-han. I dunno how ya thought you were hidin’ it.” Kohaku says with a laugh, and now HiMERU feels like an idiot for not noticing that his unit mates knew. He thought he hid it well enough…
He shakes his head and crosses his arms, glaring at all three of them. “This is defamation and HiMERU could sue you all if he wanted to.”
“Aw, it’s okay HiMERU-kun! You seem happier with him and that’s what matters!” Niki says, and although it’s sweet, it doesn’t make HiMERU feel any better about the current situation.
Before any of his unit mates can embarrass him anymore, the tour bus comes to a stop. They’re here.
Kohaku pulls back one of the blinds and looks out the window, and he seems to brighten at what he sees. “Hey, ALKALOID’s waitin’ outside fer us!” He smiles, and HiMERU looks up. Rinne throws him a snarky look, but HiMERU ignores him for the time being.
He tries to hide his eagerness as he doesn’t immediately bolt for the door and instead lets Niki be the first to open it. He’s second though, as he steps out and squints his eyes at the bright sunlight.
When his vision adjusts, he looks around where ALKALOID is crowded around the bus. He spots Mayoi first, who’s looking a little nervous yet comfortable as Niki excitedly talks to him and sniffs him a few times, and HiMERU wonders what kind of relationship they have for Niki to be doing that.
Next is Aira, who Kohaku is approaching. He seems excited to see his friend, and he calls out to him in glee. They give each other a hug, and he smiles fondly at the sight of Kohaku being happy.
Then there’s of course Hiiro, who immediately runs up to his brother as soon as he steps out and tackles him in a hug, talking adamantly about how he missed him and that their tour was amazing and how nii-san did such a great job. Rinne pats his head fondly with a smile and says he missed him too.
HiMERU’s heart clenches a little at the sight, but the look on both their faces is enough to make HiMERU happy too just seeing them.
His eyes dart towards where the last member of ALKALOID stands. Tatsumi Kazehaya.
He stands with his hands at his side, and he looks like he wants to copy Hiiro in running up to him. Tatsumi looks ready to burst as he smiles at him widely, and HiMERU’s heart melts at the sight. His own heart swells as he looks at Tatsumi, and he doesn’t mind it as much as he would have a year ago.
HiMERU finally starts walking towards him briskly, not wanting to spend any more time apart than he has to. He really hadn’t noticed just how much he missed this saint bastard. He stops about a foot away from him and Tatsumi is the first to speak up.
“Hello.” Tatsumi speaks with a smile and a giddy tilt to his voice. “I’m glad you made it back safely.” His voice washes over HiMERU like waves and makes him feel safe and happier than he’s ever been.
HiMERU really can’t take the distance anymore. Ignoring the other six people that are in their vicinity, and in an act of pure selfishness on his part, HiMERU steps closer to Tatsumi and grabs the back of his head to pull him close.
He can see the surprise on Tatsumi’s stupidly pretty face as they get closer, and when he closes his eyes it almost feels like a loss.
That loss is made up for tenfold when he presses their lips together gently, and he quickly discovers that the books that describe first kisses as fireworks are wrong.
Kissing Tatsumi for the first time simply makes everything feel right. It feels calm and serene and like they were made for each other. It feels like his whole life had been leading up to this moment, like something clicked into place as soon as their lips touched and HiMERU really couldn't get enough of it. Tatstumi’s soft lips feel so nice and right and he really can’t figure out why they haven’t done this before.
The only thing the books were right about was the feeling of them being the only two people on Earth.
Tatsumi kisses him back immediately and he does so sweetly, pushing into him and resting his hands on his waist and HiMERU feels like he’s on top of the world, even more so than he’s ever felt when on stage.
A few seconds go by of their kiss before HiMERU pulls back slowly, opening his eyes and being met by a soft purple gaze. A smile slowly forms on Tatsumi’s face as he giggles a bit, and HiMERU can do nothing but smile back just as wide. He gives a laugh as well.
“Hi.” He says softly, remembering Tatsumi’s earlier greeting and responding, and it makes Tatsumi giggle more.
After a few seconds, they hear someone's throat clear and they’re transported out of their little world. They turn and Rinne stands at their side with the smuggest grin HiMERU has ever seen him wear, and he has to ready himself for the onslaught of teasing he knows he’s going to receive.
“So he’s not yer boyfriend huh, Merumeru?” He says, and lets out a cackle when HiMERU gives him an exasperated frown. “After all that on the bus you come out here and immediately start suckin’ his face, yer such a hypocrite!”
“You were talking about me?” Tatsumi asks happily, completely normal as if their year-long endeavor of (failed) attempts at hiding that they were together weren’t just thrown out the window.
Even if it was HiMERU’s fault, he still could’ve had the decency to act at least a little bit embarrassed. HiMERU lets go of Tatsumi because of this, earning a little pout from said man.
“So what? HiMERU can do what he wants.” He says, not offering any other explanation as Rinne laughs even more.
“Oh my gosh!” Aira says, like a light bulb going off in his head. “Is that why you guys were in the cafeteria together that one time?” He asks, and remembering that encounter has HiMERU internally sighing.
He looks over at Mayoi who seems to not be surprised. He has a small smile on his face and HiMERU is glad he didn’t mention his own encounter with them. Niki stands at his side with a smile as well as he watches everything go down, still snacking on the apple he had on the bus.
Kohaku snickers at them and Hiiro congratulates them, and besides all the jabs HiMERU knows he’ll endure from now on, he finds that being surrounded by people both he and Tatsumi care about during the reveal of their relationship isn’t the worst thing possible.
He keeps in mind that he’s finally okay with saying they’re in a relationship, and HiMERU grabs Tatsumi’s hand as Aira starts bombarding them with questions.
He and Tatsumi share a brief glance and Tatsumi looks as content as HiMERU’s ever seen him, and HiMERU would be lying if he said he didn’t feel the same.