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There were some lines that couldn't be crossed when you're in a friends with benefits relationship. Nick knew it all too well as he'd been overthinking it since the day Boston asked if he wanted that, or being fuck buddies. If he would to be honest, both options sounded equally downgrading to him, as his body was the only thing for game in each.
It wasn't that the bond, per se, was degrading, of course not - if two people want to just fool around and are comfortable with that, there's nothing wrong with it. It only felt like that for Nick, personally, because he wanted more. He knew, from the start, he shouldn't, but he wanted nonetheless.
And he knew, better than anything, that if he wanted to be part of Boston's life that was all he would ever get - a glimpse, from the other side of the bed, as he left as soon as they were done, because sleeping over was not part of the deal.
I don't feel that much about you, he lied the first time they talked about it and "be honest" was the first rule he broke. There was a set of those that Boston seemed to take very seriously. As their time together progressed and the rules were being broken one by one, the spark of hope that should've never been there started lighting up.
Leaving the expectations at the door was one Nick ignored over and over again; it was stronger than him and pretty involuntary. Boston had a habit of kissing his cheek and it seemed so out of character, so non-sexual and full of fondness that it threw him off everytime it happened. He couldn't help expecting more of it.
Not getting jealous also became a problem very quickly, showing its signs the first time he saw Boston around Top. Top didn't seem to notice, or he just didn't care, but Boston changed completely when close to him, his eyes being possessed for some kind of lust that made Nick burn inside - it was a kind of look he never got from him, no matter how many times they fucked. It was always gone as fast as it surfaced though, being concealed by Boston with certain ease that was unsettling. Nick envied it, anyway. Envied that someone who wasn't even looking at Boston could evoke in him what Nick seemingly would never do.
The most critical line that was crossed, however, was done by Boston. Don't sleep over. From the start it was the most important part for him, never risking a chance to break that one. They'd mostly do it at Nick's, when Sand wasn't around, or when in his own house, he'd stand up and look for something else to do for Nick to take the hint. It hurt. Over and over. The fact things switched as soon as Boston came, the desire being the only thing that could keep them tangled for some hours, made him feel dirty and useless sometimes.
But then one night once they were over Boston kissed his cheek and lied down next to him, an arm across his waist. Nick didn't move an inch, scared it would send him running, and in a few minutes he felt Boston's body relaxing, his slow breath touching his neck. It felt good. It deepened the abyss in his heart and it looked like a mistake Boston wouldn't make twice. But then he did it. And soon, sleeping over became a thing. Something they did.
And how would Nick not let that get to his head? Meeting Boston and having the chance to be with him was what made him okay with being friends-with-benefits, but he wasn't a friends-with-benefits guy, not really. In the quiet of the night as he waited for sleep to find him, what he wished the most was for Boston to wake up one day and realize Nick was all he needed. That he wanted to be with him; that he wanted him.
The morning he texted and asked if Nick was up to going out with him, anyone would've seen the way his fingers trembled as he typed a "sure". And maybe his biggest mistake was being so available, at an arm's reach whenever Boston wanted him, but he'd have to deal with the consequences later, because he couldn't deny him.
"A lake?" He asked rhetorically as they walked towards it. "Where is everyone else?" He said looking around and not seeing anyone.
"Everyone who?" Boston was a few steps ahead of him, guiding.
"Your friends?" Boston snorted.
"I didn't call them, why would I?" Nick stumbled on his own feet.
"You set me up on a date?" He teased, but his heart was tight with the need for it to be real.
"You know better than that, baby. I just needed some privacy for what we're going to do here." Of course.
The place was really quiet and empty, bordering on terrifying but Nick forgot it all once Boston started taking his clothes off and kissing him hard and desperate. He held onto his hand before jumping on the water and for once he wished Boston would take it slow and appreciate what they were doing, instead of the hurried thirsty actions that never failed bringing pleasure for both of them, but always felt too cold, too detached.
But then once they were lying down on the pier Boston got distracted and started lazily drawing patterns on his skin, his fingers tracing his tattoos and so they were kissing and it was a slow kiss; a kiss that felt like something. Nick's thoughts shortcut and he couldn't do anything but enjoy Boston's lips on his, the sweet taste of something he would never have.
"You need to stop kissing me like you care, or I'll start believing." He joked to hide the turmoil inside of him and faked a laugh.
He paused midway, though, once he noticed the way Boston was looking at him. He reached up and held one of his curls between his fingertips, as if mesmerized before dropping his eyes to Nick's.
"Your hair looks cute like this. It fits you." He said and smiled fondly. Flashbacks of the day he told Boston about the reason why he was so careful with his hair - why he never let it loose and natural - choked him for a second.
And that was the hardest thing when it came to Boston. He kept making it clear that there was nothing but physical attraction between them and that that was all it would ever be, but then he'd say things like that. Things that, whether consciously or not, showed he cared.
Nick gave him a playful headlock then to mislead his attention or Boston would see too much in his eyes, maybe enough to make him go away and he was still not ready for that, not when he gave him something so sweet as those words, knowing Nick grew up to hate his hair because of other's people jokes.
Boston fought against him and they ended up falling on the water again - feelings, how many they were, pushed aside again. Nick knew that that was what he had to put up with since he was the only one to blame for breaking the most important rule.
Don’t become friends-with-benefits with someone you already have feelings for.