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Her hands were dampened by nervous perspiration as she removed the cap to the back of his head. The magnets that held his head together were removed with ease, and she was left to see the clay covering the back of his glass eyes. She was going to change them from their standard pale pink shade and had been so, so nervous. She knew it wasn't difficult to do, but she loved her doll so much that it was almost incomprehensible to her that there was just a slight chance she could hurt him. She truly did not know what she would do if she did.
"Oh, Lance..." She gently trailed off as she carefully used her short fingernail to remove up the clay encasing the small assets. They came up simply, and she found herself almost comically sighing out loud.
'First part is over, Eri.' She mentally reassured herself and picked up the standard eyes from her grandpa's moth-eaten bed sheet.
Her grandpa left her not long ago. He went away.
And yet, she wasn't angry with him, hurt, or vengeful. She still loved him more than anything, and sometimes she felt like he was still there, reading in his library, watching soap operas on the worn-out couch that she shared with him, or cooking her mediocre meals - meals that she would lie about and assure him were amazing.
Lance anchored her to the Earth and became a part of her and her grandpa's little world. He knew she did not know that he had a conscience, perhaps at that time he hadn't known either, a doll can't realistically be aware of that, but he was.
He heard her cry and remembered when the old man whom Eri loved had left forever, how she got up from her entangled sheets to pick him up off the shelf he called home. She held him on her bed and he could feel, or whatever his doll form 'felt', her tears dampening his silver hair.
He could not forget something like that, and he felt his heart break when she fell asleep with him. She never usually held him like that, for fear of hurting him, but that night she did not care.
He wanted to scream at her that it was okay and that he was there, but he could not. He had to lie there motionless in her arms as silent as a mouse.
"Wow, all done." He heard an exasperated voice sigh and turn his body around to look at her face.
He could not feel a difference, or see one for that matter, but judging by how she let out a happy smile and stayed quiet for a few moments staring at him in awe told him that she liked it.
And he would only like them if she did.
"Lance, these are your eyes. They were meant for you..." She carefully explained to him while smiling dreamily once more.
He felt happy to know that he was bringing her such joy, and something in him fluttered as she lifted his body and removed her eyes to leave her grandpa's room to go to her own. She shut the light off, but not until she looked around the decrepit room one last time. He felt a hesitation in her worn hands, but she ignored any feelings of sadness or suspicion and left to venture through her empty house.
She stepped carefully to her room - Lance's favorite place in the world.
She picked up his wig from her bed, where she had left it when she decided to finally make a change to his original look. He liked the fact that he was becoming more of her possession, that she was molding him to fit her ideal. He wanted to be everything she wanted.
She carefully put its sleek fibers onto his head and adjusted it meticulously after she got it to fit with some minor difficulty. She looked at him then, and she smiled. A real smile that he found only he could give to her. Or, at least, he wanted to think so.
"You're so pretty!!" Eri excitedly gushed and jolted his head to the side to look at his profile. While he loved her unconditionally, he felt a twinge of annoyance at her impulsive behaviors, but she seemed to somewhat pick up on his tick, and apologized to him, moving his dainty head back to look at her.
He wondered if she could pick up on his emotions or thoughts, but decided to forget the question to avoid overthinking any type of wonder about his conscience. Sometimes he would feel a type of guilt resonate within him, he felt guilty for being so aware. He felt guilty for seeing her while she changed in her room with her petite body exposed, or when she did simple grievances like picking her nose. He knew his owner more than anyone. He knew how humiliated she would be if she could find out that everything private she unconsciously, or rather unknowingly, shared with him.
There was one thing she did not share, however. Her diary. Of course, Lance wondered what she put it in, what she wrote about. He knew it had to be about her day, but there had to be more, perhaps secrets that she wouldn't speak aloud.
But for now, and for as long as he was hers, he would not intrude or try and peek if she placed him next to her while she sat at her desk. He loved her and he never wanted to overstep his bounds. He concluded that he had first loved her because she was his owner and master; however, now he knew that he began to love her for who she was. Her tangled hair, messy room, and big eyes just made him feel elated and safe. He knew it was love, despite being resin. He wanted nothing more than to take care of her as she did for him. But such a thing was not possible, just a fantasy he would think of while she slept in her bundle of covers and he was left alone with thoughts.
-
Of course, Lance felt terrible, gut-wrenching guilt when he thought too long or hard about who he was. He did not immediately flock to hold his owner, or even speak to her on subjects he always wondered about. He remained his aloof and stoic self. Sure, he wondered if Eri was disappointed at his disposition if she thought about him often or hardly at all. He had a proclivity to be forgotten, with peers like Red, Yeon-ho, Tei, and Yuri he understood how it happened. He was just so... plain.
He had noticed her expressions twitch when he would say something that she thought was harsh. He never knew if he was going to say something that would make her end whatever discussion they were having, he would just state facts and yet he knew he was hurting her. He knew he was lacking some sort of consciousness, but there was nothing he could do. How could a ‘thing’ like him comprehend human emotions?
The other dolls could, but that did not mean all too much to Lance. Sure, he did like Tei and Yeonho, but that was about it. He considered Yuri and the red monkey simply associates to a degree. He cared about them as long as Eri did. But they were better than Lance. After all, he was her first doll, and yet she was not satisfied. She needed more beautiful and original dolls.
He tried not to think about these things often, as he could feel a slight lump begin to develop in his throat as he passed through the same academy halls as the rest of his housemates. Many girls and boys alike turned their heads to stare at him in adoration or jealousy, but it meant nothing to Lance.
Lance never considered himself to worry over things like that - physical perfections and beauty. Even as a doll, he felt no preference for clothing or outfits Eri would pick, he only wanted what she did. He only learned that other dolls feel so when he heard Eri changing the clothes of Red and Yuri and heard pleads of disapproval from them.
"Hey! Ice Prince!!" A shrill voice erupted in his conscious suddenly, as he had been monotonously pacing through the halls towards the cafeteria. He felt a hand grip his upper shoulder, and he immediately retracted it and scoffed.
"Geez," the pretty blonde with pouty lips and an hourglass figure huffed in annoyance but removed her hand from him. "I was just making sure that you're going to be coming to the Student Government meeting today at 4."
"Well, I am in the Student Government." Lance found himself patronizing the girl, even though he did truly like Soi. She just could be a lot at times. Now was one of those times.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" She dramatically exclaimed, but Lance knew she was not upset. Despite her exterior, she was easygoing and could talk to anyone. "Not everyone is as reliable as you! And, I didn't know if, I don't know, you had a date?"
Something in her tone and words bothered Lance, but he could not show it. He certainly was not an insecure teenage boy, and Soi would not let things like his naivety that go so easy.
"I need to focus on my academics and responsibilities."
She giggled and nodded urgently.
"Oh-Kay."
"What?" He found himself close to seething. He did not know if it was his doll-mindset that prevented him from understanding Soi, or if she was just trying to confuse him.
"Okay!" She began, obviously pleased with his repressed eagerness to know more. "I've noticed how you look at her, that's all." She grinned and looked directly at Lance.
"Her?"
"Eri! Who else, you don't even look at me - and everybody does!"
Lance found himself at a loss for words, and in return, he just stared at Soi and her ecstatic mood. She noticed this, of course, and played on it in a way only she could.
"Huh, the Ice Prince's cold exterior has melted with a sweet summer wind~?"
With a huff, Lance kept moving to his original destination, making sure to bump Soi's shoulder on the way. He knew she wouldn't be hurt she must love his response. But he could not answer that. Of course, he loved Eri, and even if he tried not to, it would show. She could not know something like that, she would have to reject him because of her feelings and he would have to face such an embarrassment.
Things were best right now. Eri enjoyed the presence of the other dolls, and they could still associate. A bland and boring doll like him could never be like the others, he needed to stay in line and keep things that way.