Chapter Text
Xiao Zhan cannot sleep. He lies in bed with the lights off, staring at the ceiling with one hand over his chest, hovering but not quite touching.
It has been one more long day in a week full of long days, which isn’t exactly a problem. Xiao Zhan doesn’t resent hard work. He’s glad to have work at all, and gladder still that he’s been cast in a lead role. But as much as he likes his work, and his coworkers too, it all leaves him feeling exhausted by the end of the day. At least, it usually does.
He wishes he felt exhausted now. He should feel exhausted right now. And this seems like the kind of problem best slept on. Possibly for several nights in a row.
Xiao Zhan heaves a sigh and rests his hand on his belly instead, trying to organize his thoughts. His day had been going so well- better than usual, even, since most of the scenes he’d filmed that day had been with the hardworking, talented costar who both pushes him to be better in his role and makes the downtime between shoots fly by. Yibo is a joy to work with, and is unexpectedly funny, and thoughtful, and charming. And very easy on the eyes, not that that’s- particularly relevant.
At any rate, the ten-hour day had gone by quickly, but also, as far as Xiao Zhan can tell, pretty successfully. He’d been in a good mood on the bus back to the hotel- stiff muscles, dried sweat, crusty leftover wig glue and all- and had been goofing around with Yibo, ribbing each other and cackling as they sat together in what had become their usual spot. Normally they were a little more sedate, especially after a long shoot like today’s, but at some point late that afternoon Xiao Zhan had hit a sort of second wind. If he were being extra sentimental, he might even attribute that to Yibo’s presence.
What he definitely attributes to Yibo’s presence is his almost childish energy as they traded increasingly nonsensical jokes on the bus ride back. He’d started poking at Yibo’s hands, telling him they were too big for him, made him look like a puppy who hadn’t yet grown into his oversized paws. Yibo, who usually pretended great offense at moments like this over remarks on his youth, had only given Xiao Zhan a big smirk in warning before he took the conversation into dangerous territory.
“But you know what they say about guys with oversized hands and feet, don’t you?”
And then, before Xiao Zhan could even formulate a reply that didn’t involve them making any (more) dirty jokes where half the cast would be forced to hear, Yibo had mischievously looked him up and down and said, “Of course, I’m sure a man of Zhan-ge’s stature might have firsthand knowledge of oversized- mph!”
Xiao Zhan abruptly clapped a hand over Yibo’s mouth. “Wang Yibo!” he hissed, half disapproving, half amused. But as the palm of his right hand tingled where it covered Yibo’s lips, he felt the grin he hadn’t realized he was wearing start to slip.
It felt like a bolt of energy had struck his hand where it pressed over Yibo’s mouth. An electric current zinged up his arm and all the way to his chest, where something burning warm seemed to coil around his heart. It settled there, full and deep, and that astounding warmth spread syrupy-slow outwards from his heart.
He tried, and probably failed, to casually remove his hand from Yibo’s face. He carefully did not turn his head to look at his right hand as though it had betrayed him. He managed, he thought, to smile vacantly while Yibo feigned innocence- don’t know what your dirty mind thought I was going to say, Zhan-ge- but his dazed mind was racing in circles.
If that was his reaction to momentarily brushing Yibo’s lips- if one could even call it that much- then the hopeless crush he’d been nursing must have undergone a growth spurt while he wasn’t looking.
In other words, he’d thought despairingly, I am so, so fucked. Little had he known then just how fucked he was.
Later, as he stood in the hotel shower staring down at the funny pink shape on his chest, wondering if he’d managed to develop some kind of rash, he would cast his mind back to try and remember if he’d felt any itching or burning, or if a bug might have bitten him. Only then, as he recalled the odd feeling exactly there, just next to his heart, when he’d clapped his hand over Yibo’s mouth, would he realize what must have happened. And only then, dropping his shampoo bottle onto his foot with a shouted curse, would he realize exactly how fucked he was.
Now, a freshly showered and wide awake Xiao Zhan stares at the ceiling of his hotel room, wondering what the hell he’s going to do. He’s not even sure yet how to feel. He’s always been something of a romantic, always hoped he’d find his soulmate. And he’s so giddy at the thought that it’s Yibo that he’s almost afraid to touch the mark, or look at it too hard, in case it somehow changes its mind and vanishes before he can make good on the lifelong connection it promises.
But this is- it just happened all wrong. As much as it feels like the validation Xiao Zhan had hoped for ever since the first night he couldn’t stop grinning to himself thinking about Yibo, about how instantly they seemed to click, he can’t actually think of a worse way to confirm his wild hopes. Soulmarks are supposed to appear during a couple’s first kiss, when they first make the leap and lean in despite their vulnerabilities, their flaws, and their doubts. The mark doesn’t change in appearance after it’s formed, but most people lucky enough to have found their soulmates claim they can feel the soulbond strengthening every time they kiss afterwards. It’s all very romantic, or at least, it’s supposed to be. Xiao Zhan can’t believe he’s managed to fuck it up already.
At least it probably won’t bother Yibo too much, he thinks hopefully. Actually, if their positions were reversed, Yibo would probably have already bounded down the hall to bang on Xiao Zhan’s door and tell him the news. Maybe he wouldn’t even waste time explaining, maybe he’d just lean in and plant one on Xiao Zhan, stand there grinning at him as understanding dawned, quick and hot as a bolt of lightning. Maybe he would be so excited he wouldn’t even wait until Xiao Zhan had invited him in and shut the door, maybe he’d just kiss him right there in the hallway, for the whole world to see, if they only passed by.
Then why don’t you do the same?
He can’t. Well, he certainly can’t just kiss Yibo in a hotel hallway when any of their castmates might walk by. He isn’t even sure Yibo would welcome a kiss, not if it comes with a soulmark. He’s so young, how could he be expected to welcome a possible lifetime commitment before he’s had a chance to date around a little?
Especially given the size of the soulmark. Around the size of his palm, it is, comparatively speaking, pretty damn big. At least it won’t totally jeopardize Xiao Zhan’s increasingly uncertain idol career, since it will normally be covered by a shirt, but it would still be a major pain to cover up for the shirtless scenes they had to film. It would be a nuisance to Yibo for sure.
Part of Xiao Zhan wants to argue that it couldn’t be a nuisance, or at least not solely a nuisance. Almost all of the mark’s qualities are incredibly auspicious, if you subscribe to that kind of thing. It’s big, impossible to miss, strong and surely defined. Best of all, it really is just over his heart, reflecting a sincere, lasting love. If not for the horribly unromantic way he’d gotten the mark, Xiao Zhan would be over the moon. But as things are, he has so very many doubts.
Xiao Zhan isn’t generally famous enough for paparazzi to follow around, but Yibo is. If he kisses him now, it would be his responsibility if Yibo was ever unknowingly photographed shirtless, even just going for a swim, and lost his career. Other idols have faced major scandals stemming from marks that had eventually proven to be just birthmarks: their parents had had to come forward with baby photos, and even then, many of their careers had never fully recovered. Fans hated feeling like the object of their desire has already found their one and only.
If only Yibo had meant to kiss him, he despairs. Then he would know that Yibo had considered the risks and accepted them. Because now, if he goes to Yibo and tells him the truth, Yibo will feel obligated to accept him. Xiao Zhan knows he would. Yibo seems pretty carefree, and in a lot of ways he really is, but one of the qualities Xiao Zhan had fallen so hard for was Yibo’s awfully sweet side.
Yibo would feel bad to know Xiao Zhan had his mark when he went without Xiao Zhan’s. True, he might not feel quite obligated enough to accept Xiao Zhan as his soulmate, but Xiao Zhan would go crazy if he spent the rest of his life wondering about that might.
As Xiao Zhan considers what to do, he tries to remember the few other cases he’s heard of in which only one person had been kissed, since oddly enough he can’t think of any soulmate stories in which the mark appeared when one soulmate put their hand over the other’s mouth.
There’s an old folk tale Xiao Zhan dimly remembers about a girl who’d discovered her soulmate in a total stranger when he kissed her on the hand. This had been scandalous behavior at the time, and the girl was partly overjoyed to have met her fated match, cad though he may be, and partly furious that he had taken such a liberty, especially when she was to be married the next day. She’d never met her groom, but he was known to be a hardworking young man, only recently returned from his studies in another city, and he came from a good family with which her own hoped to establish ties.
After she spent all night awake worrying and trying to decide what to do, her groom, of course, turned out to be the soulmate. He had arranged to catch a glimpse of her out of curiosity the day before the wedding, only to be overcome by her beauty and grace and unable to stop himself from kissing her hand. They were married without a hitch the next day, and then presumably went on to have a blissful union blessed with many children.
Somehow Xiao Zhan doubts this story will be very helpful to him, unless his and Yibo’s parents have ties he’s never heard about, and also some very progressive ideas about marriage that he has yet to witness from them.
Then again, he supposes, the real lesson of the story is that fate will find a way to work things out. In that vein, maybe the best thing to do really is nothing: surely he can find a way to woo Yibo and find out his thoughts on soulmates without making him feel obligated to accept Xiao Zhan.
A little more at ease, Xiao Zhan finally lets himself rest his hand over the soulmark on his chest. It still feels warm, and in a strange way, the feeling reminds him of what it’s like to be with Yibo later at night when they’re too tired to do anything but chat idly about nothing in particular.
It feels like coming home.
Really, he reminds himself, he has a lot to be grateful for from today. It doesn’t have to become the disaster that it feels like. Nothing has to change too quickly between them, and if and when things do change, it will be something they’ve both chosen.