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He lay in his hammock, legs dangling off it on either side and arms behind his head; as he pondered the night that changed everything for him. She came home to the hut he had built for them to share their lives together. It wasn’t just a modest dwelling, it was large enough for her, him and their future children. It stood yards from the shore, an easy access for him to swim and replenish.
That night he needed to drive home to her, the significance of what he wanted. She was moving about ranting about nothing of importance to him. He sat at the table with his glass of wine, never looking at her. She stopped enough to see the bottle, then went to retrieve herself a glass to pour some and sat across from him. He had had enough, his head turned slowly towards her.
“Okoye,” his voice more like a rumble, but low. She went quiet and stared at him, noticing for the first time, the expression seared on his face. “I’ve grown tired of your antics.”
“Antics?” she repeated. “What are you going on about?”
“Your indecisions,” he replied. “I have waited three long years, for you to choose whether you want to be with me or not.” Her heart sank into her chest. He wasn’t playing around; he wanted a decisive response. No more putting it off.
He readjusted himself in the hammock. He wasn’t trying to be a jerk that night. They had been together three years. It was a few years after the alliance had been formed. They had run into each other one day accidentally; not having seen each other since the end of the negotiations. It was intense.
Yes, they initially met that fateful day on the bridge, and fighting to the death. But it came to a draw, no one died. And yeah, they saw each other briefly when Wakanda was attacked by Talokan. Sure, she beat him on the ship sending him sailing into the water.
But years passed, and the alliance was going well. Intermarriages have emerged, with children being born from such, even communities were developed. No out of controlled scrimmages. He fell in love with her, once they began to interact on a friendly basis. It took two years to get her to trust that he was honest in what he felt, and after three years of being together he has shown her nothing but love and devotion. Yet, with all that, she can’t seem to bring herself to make a lasting commitment.
“When we first embarked on this journey together,” he recalled the conversation. “I made it very clear what my desires were. I want a wife and children, remember me telling you that?”
“Yes, I do,” she says. “But I said to you then; I wasn’t sure if that is what I wanted. I already went down that road of marriage; it didn’t fare well.”
“I am not him,” he said sternly. “Don’t compare me or what we have to him or then.” He rose to his feet and paced the floor, her watching him and knowing she was wrong in saying it.
“I truly love you, Attuma; why can’t we just leave things as they are?” she asked, not realizing she completely overlooked what he had opened the conversation and expressed to her; his feelings. He slowly turned to her contemplating how to put it very delicately, not wanting to hurt her; but knowing he had no choice.
“Until you can treat our relationship with the respect it deserves, I don’t want to talk to you,” he said. “If we should see each other, just keep on walking.” He left the room and went to the bedroom to pack up some things.
He came back through not saying a word nor even looking her way. He slammed the door as he went out. She stood for a moment allowing herself time to digest what was happening, once she realized the severity of it all, it was too late. She rushed towards the door, swinging it open just in time to see him plunge into the ocean.
“Attuma,” she cried out to him. “Please, come back. Come back.” Her calls fell on deaf ears. She waited, for a few moments, thinking he would return. No way would he leave her after all that they had become to each other.
She stepped down off the porch and sat staring out, expecting any time he would emerge from the water and come to her. She was overwhelmingly bewildered and confused when she concluded; this was not the case. She stood to her feet and walked towards the door, stopping to look back, hoping she would see him there. But that was dashed, as only the waves came to shore and retreated.
He had plowed through the waters creating some distance from her, less he weakens and go back, and take her in his arms, kissing her like there wasn’t a tomorrow; and finally, making mad crazy love to her until she was exhausted.
But then that would defeat the purpose. Nothing will change as to her deciding whether she wants what it is he does or not. No, he had to break the cycle. Yes, it hurts, his heart is broken. But to obtain what he so desires, with or without her, will be a great task and strength going forward.
He left the hammock and swam to stare out his window, watching Talokanils going about their daily life. Here he will stay until his wound has healed and he can move on. But in his heart, he knew without her sharing that life, it would never be the same.
He needed to get out and roam through the kingdom until he was tired and crashed in his hammock. Even that will not be possible. She was imbedded in his body, mind and soul. How do you mend a broken heart? How do you replace the irreplaceable? How can you start something new, when you never properly ended the old?
She decided to give him a few days to cool down. She had cut him deep with her indecision. That night he left, she walked through the house, past their bedroom and to the two rooms their children would occupy. For the first time, she thought about it, she had never before with him.
When she was married to her ex-husband, she had. But the way things came about changed it. Attuma was right; there was no comparing him to her ex. Attuma had shown her what having a mate was all about, but now she had become to him what her ex had been to her. She could see that now. He wasn’t asking for much, in fact, she should have felt honored he was so emphatic with giving her the things she so desired too. But the truth, she was afraid it was too good to be true; and something would come about and end it.
She held the conch he had given her at the beginning of their relationship; close to her. She pondered whether to use it to summon him or not. It had been a few days since he left, and it seems he was for real about it all. Now, the question remains; was she ready to give him what he asks? Could she? He wants marriage, children, the whole family dynamics, didn't she? The tears filled her eyes.
She didn’t think it would be as painful as it did. It took her back to when the Queen Mother was killed, and how she tried to revive her, but failed. Though the two situations could not be compared to the same level as loss; both left her empty. Yet, one could never be repaired, there was no coming back from death. While this other could be rectified, if she chose to.
“I live for you, Okoye and the love you give me,” those words resounded in her mind of what he once told her. But what if he had decided, he couldn’t be with her any longer? What if he chose to move on with someone else? No, she’s sure he would not move on so quickly, it would take him some time; but the decision could have been formulated in his mind.
She fell to the ground, in a heap the tears welling in her eyes. She resigned herself to the fact he was done with her, or he would have been there already. She had been foolish in allowing something so precious to slip away, because she harbored the toxicity of a previous relationship that should never have been.
“Attuma, my love,” she cried. “I apologize for the pain I caused us both. I should have trusted your love and cherished it. I’m so sorry.” She collapsed in the sand, the water coming in and washing over her, as she sobbed uncontrollably.
The water grabbed the conch and took it out to sea. How long she lay there crying, she had no idea. Suddenly, a cloud overshadowed her, she prepared to get up and seek refuge in the hut she had shared with him. But before she could move, two powerful hands had grabbed her and gathered her up. She stared into the eyes of the one she loved and saw the unchanging love for her there.
“You’re back,” she said, as he held her.
“I got your message,” he told her.
“Message?” she asked. He produces the conch.
“Oh, she replied. “You heard everything?”
“Didn’t you mean for me to?” he asks. She looked away.
“Yes and no,” she told him.
“Oh, I see,” he said sadly, his head turning away.
“No, no, my love,” she touched the side of his face, guiding it back to her so she could gaze into his eyes. “Everything said, I wanted you to hear, but I didn’t know the conch had taken it in and went out to sea.”
“You didn’t send it, but it is what you wanted to tell me?” he asks. “I don’t know what you call it, but I think it was designed. So, what is it you truly want, Okoye?”
“I want you, marriage and the children we are going to have,” she told him. He stared at her, not sure of her sincerity.
“Are you sure?” He needed clarity.
“As sure as I know I love you with all my being,” she expressed. “I wanted everything you desire for as long as I can remember. It scared me with how happy I was with you, thinking it would end somehow.”
“Even if it did, which I am not anticipating,” he says. “Memories will always keep it alive.” She thought about it.
“Better to love someone, than never experiencing love,” she says to him.
“Exactly,” he concurred. “Now, I don’t know about you, but not being with you has been very trying. I need some make up time loving.” He gave her this devilish grin.
“Just be gentle,” she tells him, giggling. He let out a roaring laugh and carried her into their home. And to make plans for the new life ahead.