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Val Marx was sitting in the console room booth, they were a 20ish year old with blue hair fading from the black, wearing black crop top and skirt, with some ripped fishnets and plenty of tattoos. They were scrolling through Tumblr, which was sometimes weird to be on while in the TARDIS because they would get posts marked as coming from well after 2022, the furthest date they had seen so far was 2081 (“robot fuckers celebrating the sexiest robot president to date” and a gif of people screaming and clapping). They looked over their phone at Attorney What, a tall person in a tweed jacket, with a deep red waistcoat, grey dress pants, and seemingly natural sea foam green hair tied back in a bun. They were standing in front of a mirror and adjusting a deep blue necktie.
“What are you doing?” Val asked.
“Well, I’ve been called to defend an old friend.” They said. “Attorney stuff.”
Val looked at them with a raised eyebrow.
“The Doctor?” They asked.
“Yes. He needs my help. Unfortunately, our summons was—how to say—immediate. So. We’re here. I’m just presenting myself nicer.”
“We’re here? Are they waiting for us out there?”
“Maybe.”
“We aren’t supposed to be here are we.”
Attorney What didn’t reply, but instead walked to the doors and climbed out of the TARDIS. Val followed behind. This time the TARDIS appeared to be an ornate chest with gold accents on the black metal.
They were in a marble-white corridor with ornate decorations that led up to a staircase to a room with huge wooden doors seemingly taken right from a castle. The Doctor’s TARDIS was alongside the stairs.
“Is that wood? They make wood doors on Gallifrey?” Val asked.
“Makes it immune to hacking.” They replied, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Also we aren't on Gallifrey."
“But you can just break it down with an axe? Or burn it?”
Attorney What stopped in their footsteps as though this was the first time this had occurred to them. The gears turned in their head slowly as they tried to
“Well, I’m sure there’s a good explanation.” Attorney What continued to walk.
There was the sound of muffled speech from behind the closed doors, a woman and a man. As Attorney What pressed their hands on the door, Val distinctly heard the man say “I think it would be easier to speak for myself.”
The Time Lord pushed the doors open. All heads turned towards the doors, people in red uniforms and helmets pointed what looked like guns at the pair, Val put their arms up. There was a woman in a white cap and robes, a man with a dark cap and cloak, many people with collars rising high behind them, and directly in front of them, a man with curly blonde hair and a rainbow coat. Everyone looked either confused or annoyed.
“I am here to prove that my client, The Doctor, is innocent!” Attorney What said dramatically, as they pushed past the guards. Their eyes scanned over the crowd of fellow Time Lords. Val, realizing the guards weren’t going to kill them, lowered their arms and pressed their palms over their eyes.
“What is the meaning of this?” The woman in white demanded. She sounded like she was about to demand to see the manager. “He just denied a court defender.” She glared at the man in the rainbow coat.
“Inquisitor! I have been hired by The Doctor to defend them in this trial! It’s unfair for him to defend himself! He deserves a court defender!” They gestured to the man in the obscenely colored coat and then handed something over to her, which she reluctantly took.
“Who are you? What the hell are you doing?” The Doctor hissed, his eyes wide. This Doctor was very different from the blonde woman Val had met before, and he looked quite shocked to see Attorney What. The man in black was staring at Val directly, his eyes burning into them, it felt like he was trying to read their mind. If that was what was happening, it felt like a headache coming on. They blinked and looked away.
“I’m your attorney. Shush.” They straightened their coat. “Doing you a favor.”
“Do you actually have a law degree?” He was only inches from them.
“Yes!” They looked insulted. “From Harvard in 1914!”
“That doesn’t do well in a Time Lord court does it?!”
“Mr. Technicolor Jacket telling his lawyer how laws work.” They scoffed.
“EARTH LAWS DON'T WORK IN SPACE!” The Doctor looked like he was ready to hit Attorney What. Val saw the Inquisitor hand something over to the man in black.
“Is the defense done arguing with one another?” The Inquisitor asked, sounding annoyed.
“No!” The Doctor said.
“Yes!” Attorney What said.
The pair looked at one another.
“Moving on with the trial.”
“If I by some miracle get out of this case I will have to be put on trial for murder shortly after!” The Doctor said.
“That’s just rude.” Attorney What put their hands on their hips.
“Before we move on, who have you brought with you? Another lawyer?” The Inquisitor asked, staring daggers at Val, who fidgeted with their skirt.
“That is my friend Val Marx. I figured they’d rather be here than stuck in my TARDIS for who knows how long.”
The other Time Lords murmured. They didn’t seem to like this. The man in the black cap and cloak smirked at Val, as though they were both in on a joke, but there was something ominous about it.
“Valeyard.” The Inquisitor nodded to the man in black.
“Yes, before we get into evidence, this box,” He held up a small glowing cube, “was sent to the Time Lord known as The Attorney, a fellow renegade Time Lord who likes to interfere on Earth almost as much as The Doctor. And it seems The Doctor’s future incarnation has recruited them to help him. Madame Inquisitor, I propose we extend this inquisition to encompass the crimes of both Time Lords for not only breaking the First Law but interfering with the timeline, as such egregious actions can not be overlooked.”
The Inquisitor considered this.
“This is acceptable.”
Attorney What suddenly looked small and sheepish.
“I don’t–I didn’t–” They stammered quietly, but it seemed only Val and The Doctor could hear them.
“You’ve really gotten us into quite the pickle.” The Doctor muttered. Val couldn’t help but quietly agree as The Valeyard smiled.
“Now, I should like to begin with The Doctor’s involvement with the affairs of Ravalox, a planet within the Stellian galaxy…” The screen above the Time Lord’s heads turned on, and everyone turned to watch.
-
“Now hold on a moment,” Attorney What said. “That seemed to end well for everyone!”
“Exactly!” The Doctor said. He beamed at Attorney What. “That seems like one up to me!” He was leaning back in his chair, pleased with himself, and a little smug.
That couldn’t be the only evidence. Val didn’t like the way The Valeyard was staring at The Doctor.
“There can’t be many people who can literally claim to have saved The Universe.” He started to get up from his chair. “Thank you two for being with me.” He shook both Val’s and Attorney What’s hands. Val wasn’t sure what they had done to be deemed worthy of thanks from The Doctor but shook his hand regardless. “And if that’s all the muck you can rake up—!” He started, turning towards the court before the Valeyard interrupted him.
“Sit down!” He said. “Smugness does not become you, Doctor. And besides, we have to look into The Attorney’s past.”
“Hold on! Do I not get to defend myself?” The Doctor was pissed and looking at The Inquisitor.
“In due course, Doctor.” She said simply.
“Now where to begin with The Attorney’s interference…” The Valeyard mused. “The numerous court cases? The bribes? The small changes to the timeline so they can prove their clients are innocent or just throwing away evidence?” He drummed his fingers on the podium. “So much interference. Small. But they add up. Maybe we reference the case against Solet Tech in which not only did the newly made Cybermen massacre the entire courtroom including yourself but upgraded the entire planet? All because of your interference.”
“That’s not fair! I tried to stop them!” They protested.
“Silence! Trying is not the same as succeeding!” The Valeyard snapped. “We shall see this.”
“Attorney What, what did you do?” Val asked quietly.
“My best.” They hung their head. The Doctor, for once seeming sympathetic, patted their shoulder.
“Killing them is the only way to stop them I’m afraid my friend.”
“I blew up their ship! I guess some survived though!” They whispered back.
“If we turn to the screen,” The Valeyard said. “We shall see this trial.”
The screen showed a young woman with tan skin, freckles, dark eyes and hair. She wore a black dress shirt, blue bowtie, a blue vest, a grey skirt and black leggings with some grey block heels. She was striding down the hall of a courthouse with a clear purpose, and also the air of someone who was running a little late.
“Wow, is that you?" Val asked.
"Yes."
"You were kinda cute Attorney What,” They whispered.
“Thank you Val but this isn’t the time.”
-
“Ladies, gentlemen, and other members of the court! I am here to bring the case of the workers of Solet Tech! They have been severely abused and coerced into making parts for Cybermen!” Attorney What said, in a very dramatic way in almost perfect imitation of her future incarnation. She was standing in front of a dozen employees of Solet Tech.
The courtroom gasped.
“Cybermen have been extinct for decades in this sector of the galaxy.” The representative for Selot Tech scoffed. He was a man with slick hair and a slick goatee. The name plate in front of him said Mr. J. Holler, CFO Solet Tech. “My grandfather fought against them and killed plenty! I would never allow such a thing to happen to this company! Someone arrest this ridiculous woman! I want her sued for libel and slander!”
“Mr Holler you can shut up!” Attorney What slammed her hands on the desk causing him to flinch back. “I have faced people like you who once removed from the immediate danger will make alliances with these monsters because you think you can spin a profit.”
“Order! Order in the court!” The judge said sharply, banging her gavel on the podium. “We will let the evidence speak for itself!”
“Apologies.” Attorney What adjusted her waistcoat. She put her briefcase on the table and opened it up. "I have some evidence in here."
Attorney What pulled out a Cyberman head, from her briefcase. It was sleek and shiny, except for the burnt area where it would connect at the neck, and definitely shouldn't have fit inside the briefcase.
“I took this from the secret floor of the Solet Tech factory.” She pulled out her sonic screwdriver and waved it over the face and then popped off the face plate. “You’ll see here that in the side pieces, you can find the hologram earpieces.” She held up a small device and clicked a button that flickered and showed the local news program, albeit a little glitchy. “I did take the liberty of cleaning out the head though. That wouldn’t have been pretty.”
“She could have placed it in the Cyberman's head! She could have stolen the head from a museum!” Mr Holler yelled.
“I have a witness!” She interrupted. “I have a witness and I summon her to the witness stand!” Attorney What gestures for the young woman in a jumpsuit to stand up and she crossed the room. The jumpsuit had a blue-grey logo of Solet Tech on it. The woman had bright pink choppy hair and a sharp build. She looked nervous.
“Please state your name for the court.” The judge said.
“I am Lola Kari. I was a factory worker. Helped build the tech for Solet Tech.” She said.
“Place your hand on the pad in front of you. Do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth?” The judge was looking at her.
“Yes. I swear on the five shining moons of Andorzia.” There was a beep and a soft red light.
“Thank you. Please give your story and then Attorney What and Mr. Holler may now ask you questions.” The judge folded her arms.
“Alright, so I was working just as I normally do. Making small adjustments to the final products. I’m at the end of the manufacturing line.” And I hear footsteps approaching, heels, and I see Attorney What walking up to me. She asks me a few questions about the factory, how it’s been run, what kind of tech we sell, and so on.” Lola said. “Which is kind of weird, because everyone in this star system knows what we sell. She then asked me if I’d seen anything odd lately…”
-
Heels clacked on the factory floor, almost impossible to hear over the machinery. But one gets used to the sound of machinery and factory work, when a new sound is added you tend to notice. Lola certainly did and saw a woman in a blue vest and grey skirt making a beeline for her.
Lola turned off her machine and removed her goggles.
“Oh miss you shouldn’t be here—“ she started to say loudly.
“No it’s fine I’m here on official business.” She held out an ID that said Chief Examiner Office of The Governor.
“Oh. Sorry, Examiner.”
“No need to be so formal. Call me Joan.” She winked.
“Joan… Joan what?”
“Exactly!” She snapped her fingers. “Now I just have a few questions. I’ve been going around asking some folks on the floor. But you look like a woman who knows what she’s doing.”
Lola blushed a little and smiled.
“So what do you lot make here? How is it working here?”
“The Governor’s Office really doesn’t let you know?”
“Our usual guy Jackie, they got sick. I don’t usually work this star system so I got called from outside.” She explained quickly.
“Okay. But wouldn’t they give you a briefing of what to expect?” There was a flash of emotion across Joan’s face that was hard for Lola to decipher.
“It was last minute.” Lola looked at her for a long time.
“Alright. What do you need to know Joan?”
“So what do you make here?”
“Oh, you know.” Lola gestured to the conveyor belts as she spoke and Attorney What looked. “Mostly consumer electronics. Personal hologram recorders, mobile holograms, headsets, radios, etcetera.”
“Nothing with like, prosthetic limbs?”
“No. We aren’t a medical company.” Lola gestured around and Joan looked where she pointed.
“Have you noticed anything odd?”
“Other than a pretty young woman who looks barely out of school asking me questions?” She replied.
It was the Examiner’s turn to blush.
“I mean. I guess there have been shipments at odd times more recently like within the past few months. Like I’m not on that team, it’s pretty much all automated aside from the person in charge, Zand, they’re the manager of the robots and make sure nothing breaks down. And they do their job pretty well.”
“Shall we pay them a visit?”
-
The loading zone was pretty busy, drones were moving all around. There wasn’t anyone there, no one with a holo-clipboard or uniform, just drones moving around boxes, stacking boxes, and so on—an empty box of an office on catwalks above the floor.
“What the hell?” Lola said, looking around. “Where are they? They’re usually here!”
“Do they have an office?” Joan asked.
“Yeah, we walked right under it.” Both women craned their necks back to see the empty glass floor of the office.
“Huh.” They both said. Lola briefly became distracted by Joan’s pursed lips. As she looked around for some kind of explanation, Joan seemed to be watching the drones very carefully.
“Now, as Chief Examiner, I don’t think that drone is doing the right thing.” She pointed. The drone was carrying a box, roughly the size of a fridge maybe, down a side hallway.
“Yeah, that’s weird.”
“Come on, let's follow.”
-
The pair followed the drone down an empty hallway to an old elevator, it had caution tape over it and suddenly it disappeared through the elevator doors like it was a ghost.
“It shouldn’t do that!” Lola said as Joan approached the door and pulled something from her boot.
“Hmm.” She said, waving a silver thing that made a faint buzzing noise across the door. “It’s a hologram!” She stuck her arm through. “See?” And then she poked her head through and gestured for Lola to come with her.
“A secret room?” Lola asked. It looked like an old closet, except it was entirely bare, like maybe someone had meant to build a closet, but never actually got around to putting the shelves and such in.
“Yes. Appears to be that.” She twisted the metal device in her hands and the factory worker noticed a purple light.
“Where could the drone have gone? We’d have bumped into it if it was just in here.”
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” The silver thing started beeping and the light flashed. “Aha!” And then confusion on the Examiner’s face. “It’s underneath us? A good mile or so.”
“But how did it get there?”
Joan’s eyes widened as she seemed to be looking at something over Lola’s shoulder. She started to turn but Joan placed her hands on either side of her face. Her hands were very soft and Lola felt her heart flutter in her chest.
“You might want to compose yourself.”
“Why?”
“The room was a teleport. I accidentally activated it. Shh.” She pressed her finger to her lips.
“What?!” Lola whisper yelled.
“Shh! Just very slowly take it all in and don’t scream.”
They were standing on a platform above what seemed to be a factory floor. Drones were buzzing about and dropping boxes off, and machinery was whirring. A drone was making its way down switchbacks leading to ground level.
This underground level was never on any maps or blueprints for the factory. It stretched wider than the factory above went. Rows and rows of machines and tall silver shapes moving. There were also silver pods along the wall, all with an emblem Lola couldn’t make out on it. Some machines were on, and the screeching metal against metal was horrible. A thick scent wafted up from the floor. It was metallic. There was a man shaped thing, except it was tall and impossibly thin, silver, and had black markings on a headpiece. It walked around. Lola noticed more silver things walking.
“What is this?” Lola asked, horrified.
“Cyber Conversion Ship. Crashed here a few hundred years ago judging by the age of that emblem.” Joan whispered. “I’m going to come clean, I’m not here for an inspection, I’m here because of them. I’m here to stop them.”
Lola glanced up at Joan, an eyebrow raised as if to say, "really?"
“Yeah I kinda figured that out earlier, but I was curious. Why are they here? Aren’t they extinct?”
“I imagine someone higher up has made a deal with them. Or they’re mind-controlling someone, leaning towards the former. And as for them being extinct, they never go away. Everywhere there are humans you’ll find some Cybermen.” Joan said. “Now come on.” She made to move as though she were going down to actually investigate those monsters.
“What the hell are you doing Joan?” Lola demanded, grabbing her wrist.
“I need to get proof so I can get this place shut down before anyone else gets hurt.” She shook her arm out of Lola’s grasp.
“If you need proof just take a photo of them! We have to go!”
“I don’t have a camera. I need physical proof!”
“Do you always do this?” She asked. “Waltzing in with half a plan and getting into trouble?”
“Yes.”
They looked at one another for a long moment as Lola passed through the stages of grief rapidly. She curled her hands into fists, relaxed them, and then sighed.
“I can’t let you go alone.”
Joan grinned and took Lola’s hand in hers.
“Excellent. I’ll keep you safe.” She said, Lola rolled her eyes.
One of the Cybermen opened one of the boxes a drone had placed down. There was a human inside. He had some devices sticking out of his ears, there were solid soft white lights glowing.
“He’s been hijacked.” Joan whispered. “He’s going to be converted.” As soon as she said that, Lola’s brain clicked together that the metallic smell was that of blood.
“Shouldn’t we do something?”
“I don’t think we can.” They watched the Cyberman walk the man into one of the machines. The door slid shut and the conversation started. There was no sound of pain, just whirring machinery and gore.
Lola was gripping Joan’s hand so tight and burying her face into her shoulder.
When she looked back up the steel in Joan’s eyes startled her. This woman had seen worse than she could ever imagine.
“Joan…”
“Yes?” She locked eyes with her.
“Let’s go.”
-
The pair snuck down to the ground level of the conversion ship. It wasn’t too hard, The Cybermen seemed very focused on the conversions.
“What do you know of these ships?”
“Not a whole lot. My friend knows more. But they would always be around in Cyber Fleets, for converting entire planets.”
“Why here, why now?”
“Few guesses, maybe the technology wasn’t optimal when they crashed. Maybe they lost critical power. Maybe they needed to lay low for a bit. Lots of maybes.” Joan said. “Oh also. My real name is Attorney What.” Lola blinked. A few questions buzzed in her brain. What kind of a name is that? What does an Attorney want with a factory? Why is her last name What? Why is she so pretty?
“I’m… I’m gonna continue calling you Joan.” She said finally after a few painful moments of silence.
“Fair enough.” She shrugged and then pivoted into a category of conversation Lola was even more unprepared for. “Lola, this is the most important thing I am going to ask you. Do you know how to fuck up machines?” Joan asked.
“I mean… Yeah?”
“Can you fuck these ones up?”
“Yeah. I think so.”
“You fuck up the machines. I’m going to give you a signal, it’s gonna be loud and from me, probably a scream, also you might hear a Cyberman scream. As soon as you hear that, you do whatever to wreck shit, you start to run for the teleport. I’ll be behind you.” She gave Lola a quick thumbs up. “By the way do you have any miniature lasers or something? Laser spanner? Or sonic lance? Something like that?”
“Uh. Yeah.” Lola held out a tool that was a handle with a laser focus poking out of the end.
“Okay, that’ll do. You should use this, it’s a sonic screwdriver.” Joan handed over the silver object that Lola had seen before. Seeing it this close up she could tell it had a shiny bronze color handle. “Use setting number 47 and press it inside a control panel.”
“Yeah. Okay. Sure. Let’s do this.” The pink haired woman stood on her toes and gave Joan a kiss on the cheek. “You better be safe and not make me regret this.” She warned.
Joan gently cupped her cheek where the kiss was planted.
“Why do you humans do stuff like this?” She asked.
“I don’t know! Why do you need to be so cute?” Lola asked. Both women had red faces.
Joan opened and closed her mouth.
“Let’s—let’s just do this. We can talk about this later.”
-
“Blessed Eternals! What is this?!” Joan gasped loudly. “Who are you? What’s going on?!” Her acting sucked, but it was distracting the Cybermen as Lola took a look around the machines. This tech was old but still advanced beyond what she had worked with on the Solet Tech’s factory floor. She had the sonic screwdriver in her hands. It was similar to a laser spanner. There was a Cyberman patrolling up and down the row of conversion chambers.
“Okay. If I were a control panel for cyber conversion, where would I be?” She muttered.
She could still hear Joan in the distance talking to the Cybermen, getting some kind of answers from them about what they were doing here. Lola only had to loosen a few hinges on the conversion machines. She also managed to fry what looked like a control panel outside the chamber.
There was the sound of a modulated scream.
She reached in and ripped out some wires, when sparks started flying, she bolted for the switchbacks.
“STOP THE INTRUDER!” A Cyberman shouted and lasers started flying. She saw Joan holding a Cyberman head under her arms. The steely and confident look in her eyes was similar to the look she had after they saw a conversion.
They ran up the slope.
“Joan! Your sonic screwdriver!” Lola tossed it to her.
“Thanks!” Joan pointed it down the path and clicked. An explosion went off on the conversion area that she had fucked with. It set off a chain of explosions. The Cybermen now seemed focused on that, which gave the paid time to escape.
“Hold on tight!” Attorney What raised her sonic and pressed the button. And then they were back in the closet. Lola was about to pull her by her lapels in for a kiss. But Attorney What held up a hand and then with a soft pink light pointed it at the teleport pad. There was an electrical sizzle sound.
“That should take care of that!” She said, sliding the sonic back into her boot.
Together the pair walked around the factory, Cybermen head raised. Attorney What projecting her voice loudly.
“You all have been misled! I don’t know for how long or why but if you can hear my voice and see this Cyberman head in my hands you must listen!” She watched as a crowd of workers gathered. “The Cybermen have been using you and possibly your employers! They have been taking people who have bought your tech and converting them!”
There were murmurs throughout the crowd. Some were unsure, some seemed confused as to who was talking. So Lola stepped up.
“This is the Chief Examiner from the Governor's Office! Her name is Joan What. She is here to help us! I have seen these Cybermen with my own two eyes! I saw them convert someone wearing the headsets we make! We have to leave now! If we shut this factory down we can stop The Cybermen from returning!” Some of these factory workers did know Lola, she wasn’t the type to tell wild stories, she just did her job mostly. Attorney What beamed at Lola.
“Come here!” Lola said and kissed her full on the mouth. She kissed back.
The two parted, blushing and smiling.
-
The courtroom doors burst open and everyone turned around.
Cybermen, some with scorch marks and others just a little battered were standing in the doorway.
Attorney What started gesturing people to run as she moved around the courtroom.
“See these are the Cybermen! As I showed you! Now we have to ru—“
“Kill the witnesses.” The Cyberleader ordered. And the Cybermen opened fire and the first five bolts hit Attorney What, she stumbled back, clothes and body smoking, a shout on her lips but face otherwise blank. Her head slammed on the desk behind her and then on the floor with a sickening crack. A light trickle of blood ran from under her head.
The court screamed and everyone inside tried to flee.
None of them were able to make it. The Cyberguns killed them. Or the Cybermen crushed their windpipes. Or they were carried off, screaming, to be upgraded.
Attorney What was among the bodies. Mr. Holler was opposite her, slumped on his desk, a hole burning in his chest. The Time Lord was twitching slightly like she was only asleep and dreaming. And then there was a flash of golden light and energy and the Attorney What that Val knew was laying there, the outfit was a little bit on the smaller side on them.
Lola poked her head out from under the desk. She had apparently been playing dead behind her podium, it certainly helped she had a nasty burn from earlier and a fresh head wound.
She approached Attorney What and gently shook them.
Attorney What groaned and looked at her, gently touching her as though they were unsure if she was real. And when it seemed to be confirmed, they gripped onto her.
“Let’s get you up.” Lola said softly.
They stumbled to their feet and left the courtroom.
-
“Irresponsible.” The Valeyard said, clicking his tongue.
Attorney What had tears in their eyes.
“I’ve tried to make up for it!” They shouted.
The other Time Lords looked at them with a flat expression.
The Doctor actually seemed to be concerned for Attorney What now.
“I’m sure you have.” He said, grasping their arm. “I’m sorry for being so curt with you earlier.” He glares across at The Valeyard. “What does this prove? Some negligence? The Cybermen would have probably converted that whole planet even without Attorney What’s interference! They probably even saved some people! I don’t know this young person very well but I’ll be damned if I let you slander them as you slander me!”
“Slander!” The Valeyard scoffed. “This is the testimony of your lives! This is unbiased evidence!”
“You may be picking and choosing the evidence! There is good that has been done by this fellow I know it in my hearts!” The Doctor retorted.
“Shall we focus on you again Doctor?” The Valeyard asked. The screen switched to another scene.
-
If Val was ever asked what happened during the rest of the trial, they probably would not have been able to give a good answer. They started zoning out after The Doctor and Attorney What's first flashbacks. They heard a bunch of legalese from Attorney What that sounded much different from the courtroom dramas they had half-watched with their mom while growing up. Usually, adventures with Attorney What weren't so boring, but this one was. It felt like weeks. They met a nice woman named Mel who was apparently brought from The Doctor's future, which if they had been following the trial correctly, was a violation of the Laws of Time... or something.
At one point they started to think about trying to just curl up and take a nap. The Doctor wasn't using the chair that much, so maybe if they could just take a nap it'd be over by the time they woke up. No one stopped Val when they shut their eyes while laying back in one of the worst chairs they had ever sat in. They felt like they had only had their eyes closed for a few minutes when Attorney What shook them awake.
"Some shit is happening you better wake up." They whispered.
Val grumbled and stretched. They rubbed their eyes and noticed their eye shadow came off on their hands.
“They made a deal with The Valeyard. Or as I’ve always known him, The Doctor.” A man on the screen where they had viewed Attorney What's and The Doctor's antics said, looking down at everyone. In Val's tired brain, he looked like a knockoff James Bond villain with that goatee.
The Doctor straightened his posture.
“Sorry, what did you say?”
“Yes, that’s seconded what?” Attorney What asked.
“Oh, my dear Doctor…” His gaze fell on Attorney What, and he was clearly confused. “And other… Time Lord.”
“What?”
“You. Who are you?”
“What.”
“What do you mean what?“
“What!”
“That’s what I asked!”
“Exactly! What!” Attorney What was barely suppressing a smile.
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out!”
“This is Attorney What.” The Doctor said. He was enjoying the fact that the man on the screen was so frustrated.
The James Bond villain knockoff sighed.
“I’m going to ignore you.”
“That’s a shame.”
“As I was saying Doctor, The Valeyard is an amalgamation of your darker nature, from somewhere between your twelfth and final incarnation.”
“Madame Inquisitor I think this trial must come to an immediate halt. Surely the prosecution and defense can’t be the same person!” The Doctor said.
“Yes, this is quite absurd.” Attorney What agreed.
“That is not the point of the trial. The identity of the prosecution and defense is unimportant. The charges must be gone through with!” The Inquisitor said.
“Okay. What the fuck is wrong with you lady. Aren’t Time Lords supposed to care about this shit?! Laws of Time and whatnot?!” Val said and then felt a sharp spike like their skull was about to split open. They gasped and collapsed. They had been through enough shit to realize this was a psychic attack.
“Val?!” The Doctor, Mel, Attorney What, and Glitz looked over at them. Attorney What was gently holding them in their arms.
“What’s wrong Val?”
“Doctor! He’s escaping!” Mel shouted and Val saw the black cloak fluttering out the doors.
“Come on!” The Doctor followed Mel and Glitz on his heels.
“Should we follow or leave?” Attorney What asked.
“Would they really let us go after this?” Val asked, wincing from pain. “Also fuck I really need some Advil. Also also, who the fuck was the James Bond villain?”
“Maybe while they’re all distracted.” They replied. "And that was The Doctor's best friend and enemy The Master."
"That's a stupid name," Val muttered. The pair quickly left the courtroom and saw The Doctor leaning in the frame of a bright white portal that used to be something like stained glass. He was talking to the others.
“—into The Matrix. I must follow him.” The Doctor said.
The older Time Lord protested, but The Doctor turned to Glitz.
“Glitz you come with me.”
“Doctor!” He turned towards the pair. “I’m sorry I fucked this up! Good luck!” Attorney What said over their shoulder.
“It’s alright dear fellow. You did your best. I’ve got this handled.” He touched the cat lapel pin and straightened his jacket before running into the portal, with Glitz close behind.
“Doctor!” Mel looked frustrated.
“It was nice meeting you Mel!” Val said waving, before climbing into the TARDIS with Attorney What. The last thing they saw was Mel waving distractedly in return and then talking to The Inquisitor.
Seeing the inside of the TARDIS in its 50s diner-inspired interior was a breath of fresh air after that courtroom.
“Does he really have this?”
“Well, I don’t know how he goes on from here. But it’s possible.” Attorney What said. “Where to now?”
“Some place nice that’s not a courtroom.”
“Alright. One nice planet coming up. How do you feel about waterfalls?”
“As long as we aren’t going over them in a barrel that’s fine by me.”
“Noted.” Attorney What smiled and punched in some coordinates. The TARDIS rumbled and they were off to their next adventure.