Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There was a tense silence between them, as expected, but both Kaito and Chris were nothing if not professional stoics. And a matter such as this was far more important than their unsolved issues: building a portal to the Astral world before the Barian war went off track for them.

Still, no matter how awkward it was, it wasn’t as bad as Kaito feared it would be. Maybe it was because their isolated, freezing location made them feel separate from their pasts. Maybe it was because, deep down, they were compatible workers, so if they just focused on work, they could forget the reason they fell out in the first place. Or maybe time was easing the ache somewhat.

Honestly, who knew, who cared, as long as they could get this done. Kaito Tenjo was not one to let feelings impede his goals.

He was, however, the type to muse about them endlessly. Secretly, behind that perfectly crafted mask of his, never to be shared with the rest of the world. But muse he did. And he also, even if subconsciously, sought out things to obverse and muse over just as expertly.

So when Chris comes to deliver him his coffee, with the usual warning of, “You should take a break soon.” (yet completely ignoring the fact that having caffeine at 9PM, was in no way conducive to that advice) as he leans down to place the mug on the table...

And Kaito accidentally turns around a little too fast and whispers a small, “Thank you.” before Chris has the time to move away...

When Chris flinches back, eyes going wide with shock for a second, it’s already far too late. Even though he returns to normal in the blink of an eye, going back to his work station as usual, Kaito’s attention is already piqued. And once that happens, it’s very hard to ignore it. Which leads to the following chain of events.

Kaito notices it when Chris constantly appears to swallow something in his throat. He notices when he eventually coughs silently into his hand. He notices when Chris struggles to type for two more minutes, before getting up without an excuse.

He notices that tiny speck of colour gingerly landing on the ground as Chris walks away, something usually so small that he wouldn’t have seen otherwise, too engrossed into his work.

A tiny blue petal that Kaito only instinctively knows it’s a hyacinth because those used to grow around the cabin where he used to live in, almost blending into their sterile environment. Insignificant in the grand scheme of things, yet his already failing eyesight laser focuses on it as if nothing else existed.

On the floor, on the path Chris took as he fled, there is also a purple petal, much bigger than the blue one. That also catches Kaito’s eye as if it were a glittering gem, and if Kaito’s eyes could look in different directions like chameleons’, they would. Just to make sure that the petals won’t disappear right in front of him.

Then he just as quickly shakes his head and forces himself to look back at his monitor.

Anyone else would be looking up the meaning of the flower, but Kaito knows there’s no point. Chris will tell him eventually, if he’s smart. And he trusts his mentor full-heartedly on that matter even now. Pondering over it is nothing but a pathetic waste of time.

There’s also no need to wonder what triggered the event; Chris also noticed something. Noticed what Kaito’s breath smelled like, due to their accidental proximity.

Instinctively, Kaito places his hand over his face and exhales into it: Sweet. Gentle. Fresh. Pleasant.

Like a flower.

 He cannot blame the poor man. Deep down, he feels slightly bad for him even.

But not too much, because worrying over such a thing is overdramatic. Only the very unfortunate or the idiots fall for such a thing, and Chris is neither. This will be dealt with soon, likely once this Barian issue is over with. And Chris is smart to wait until that, as the war is a far more important matter, even if he must suffer a little because of it in the meantime. Everything will be fine.

Given their currently awkward atmosphere, this might even be for the better. The final nail in the coffin, what will force them to move on and start anew. Always a good thing.

Still, Kaito is curious. And just like it always happens when his mind wanders over to this topic, he soon finds himself unable to focus on his work. Mind wandering to the past, and to theories he’s been developing over a lifetime, over the subject that has fascinated him since he was child.

That of powerful medical afflictions, ones that could affect the human bodies in ways science could not yet explain, that were born purely out of the powerful force that was human emotion.

Something that most would be surprised he would ever think of for even a second, but it is a subject that seems to continuously chase him over the course of his life.

-- --- -- --- -- --- --

“What did your mother die of?” Kaito asks lowly, then nervously adds, “If I may ask, of course.”

He feels awkward for even daring to pose such a question. Kaito valued privacy the most, so he held a deep belief that, if a person didn’t offer information freely, that  some matters should not be prodded into. Regardless of how much one’s curiosity demanded to know it.

But his relationship with Chris isn’t like any other he’s had in his life so far. The man almost just literally killed him by pushing Kaito to his dueling limits, yet, not only does Kaito hold no anger towards him, it has only deepened his trust in the man even further. This was a kindred soul, who not only believed in Kaito’s abilities more than anyone else, but he was also the only one willing to push him because he knew that, no matter how harsh it may seem, Kaito could always overcome them.

Nobody ever believed in Kaito’s innate abilities so much before. Much less Kaito’s own father. It only made him want to impress Chris even more.

But Chris is so close to his own age, that it’s impossible to see him as a fatherly figure. He also acts far too familiar with Kaito for them to be able to have a proper mentor type relationship, so even though Kaito sees the man as that in some way, he also thinks of the other as a friend.

And even though Kaito doesn’t have much experience with friends, he does know that you’re meant to offer them comfort when they need it. Which is what Chris needs a lot of the time; he never comes out and asks for it, but Kaito can tell by the way he goes quiet and his mind wanders off to certain places, after an entire afternoon of tense, awkward smiles, that he needs to get something off his chest. But is completely unable too without receiving some sort of ‘permission’ first.

Kaito understands that need with his entire being, for he too is the same. Maybe it’s because they’re both older siblings, maybe it’s just a complete coincidence that they happen to share this quirk. Regardless, when he saw Chris constantly stare off today when they were wheeling Haruto around the hospital’s tiny outdoor area, to the much greener park in the distance, Kaito knew something was up. Consequently, when they finished work that day, Kaito knew to follow the other man out from a distance, and only allow himself to be seen when, predictably, Chris ended up sitting on a bench at the same park (though given his complete lack of surprise when Kaito approached him, maybe he had known all along).

It was awkward to get through the small pleasantries, especially when Chris didn’t offer much to the question of, “Is something on your mind?” Kaito was not a quitter, even if he did feel a bit foolish, but he could try again... he noticed that Chris was staring at a small patch of well tended flowers in front of them, and something in his heart constricted.

He knew then, by instinct, that this was about Chris’ mother. A daring question about it got him a small ‘yes’, and that’s all he needed to get the rest going, eagerly awaiting an answer now.

Not just out of the genuine care he has for his friend, mind you... but because he really is genuinely curious now. Chris has been surprisingly open about his family when questioned about it, if only to justify the initial liking he took to the Tenjo brothers. Yet, when it came to his mother, Kaito did not know a single thing about the woman. Not even her name.

After a long stretch of silence, Chris answers, his face almost completely void of all emotion, “She died of Hanahaki.”

Everything goes silent between them for the rest of that night.

It occurs to him much later that the reason he knew the issue behind Chris’ mood, was not  because of pure instinct, but because of selfish hope. Hope that they were alike in this regard as well, like they were in so many other matters.

And as fate would have it, they were. Something that would become a point of immense bitterness a few months later during a rainy night, and round up to sadness a couple of years after, when they were both alone in an Arctic laboratory.

-- --- -- --- -- --- --

This issue has been ailing him for longer than he’d like to admit; it’s why he had to slap Yuma away before that Sargasso mess, as Kaito could only hold his breath as the kid kept crying for so long.

Later on, he’ll come up with another excuse for that behaviour. A very good one that he’ll allow himself to believe. One that might even be the partial truth. But the most honest truth, is that Kaito did it purely so Yuma wouldn’t find out.

He will never fail to hate himself for his own weakness.

Haruto has noticed it, if the way he smiles at him is anything to go by. And because of that, Orbital likely knows as well, even though he lacks a sense of smell in the first place.

Thankfully, no one else has noticed but them, and they’re unlikely to bring it up to him. This leaves him time to focus on the matter at hand; the Barian war, and even more harrowing, if leaving the Numeron Code in Astral’s hands, should he still be alive, is the best decision in the end. He is, after all, an alien, and who knows what his plans will be once his memories return.

If it were up to him, he’d leave the fate of the Universe up to Yuma. It’s what he hopes will end up happening; but in order for either to be an option, Kaito must play his own part. The one he barely has functioning eyes for any more.

Honestly, the fact that it’s increasingly obvious that most of them are going to perish in this terrible endeavour that they were dragged into by selfish aliens, makes the matter of how to cover up his breath a non issue.

It does, however, shock him that, when he and Chris discuss the prophecy of the Galaxy Eyes Masters, that the man does not take the opportunity to finally be honest with him.

After all, Chris will certainly perish before him. It’s literally his task to die so Kaito can complete his job, and give Yuma a chance in return. Chris is not stupid, and neither is he foolish. They’ll die, and it’s unknown if the Numeron Code can bring people back at all, even if the one who obtains it wishes for their resurrection.

This is their last moment together. Yet, Chris does not take it. Merely tries to pretend that he did not lean in a bit close, obviously to make sure of what he found out last time, and covers up his resulting cough when he finds that it was not his imagination in the slightest.

Perhaps his former mentor is more of a coward than Kaito realized. Or maybe he’s more nihilistic, and for that Kaito cannot blame him; why bring more pain to what could be their last hour alive?

Or maybe he’s been influenced by Yuma, as so many people have been, and he’s putting it all into the hope that they will get another chance. That he will get the perfect moment, not a rushed one that would just distract them from their duty.

Given Kaito’s current situation, he cannot judge the man too much. For his breath still smells of flowers even as his body is falling apart.

If anything, the smell only gets stronger when Heartland beats him to the point he can’t even mock Yuma too much for being late. Such is life.

-- --- -- --- -- --- --

 Not even a week later, Chris brings it up again, unprompted. Kaito supposes giving blanket permission once was good enough, no matter how much time passed. And that the fact they’re completely alone in the lab, each cradling a cup of coffee far later than in the day than they should, is too much of a tempting opportunity to pass up. “It was shortly after we got our dog.”

Of course, Kaito is confused at first (who wouldn’t be?), but the way Chris is staring at nothing is familiar enough to get Kaito up to speed. “Did your father fall for someone else?” He cuts to the chase, the question he desperately wanted to ask last time escaping his lips before he can think about it twice.

Stupid, insensitive Kaito.

But Chris just laughs lowly to himself, “Oh, no.” his voice is somehow still gentle and moot as he brings his cup to his lips. “Heavens, no.”

There’s obviously something he isn’t saying, at least not yet, but Kaito chooses to go with the rhythm that Chris has laid out, and lets it go. “It must be quite a shock to find out that you never truly loved the man you had three children with.” he offers in condolence, for if it was not the father’s fault, there was only one other possibility.

Because that was the crappy thing about any disease that had to do with emotions; they were the ones who knew you best. Human relationships and feelings were very complicated, especially when it came to matters of love. The relationship that was your whole world at sixteen could either be the only one that would ever truly matter in your entire life, or end up as just a blimp in time to be forgotten. And one could almost never guess which one was going to be which... never mind the fact that there were so many types of love, from friendly, to crushes, to familiar, to deep and intense. And for ones who never experienced some types, it was hard to know the subtle differences.

But these ailments, they knew. And they didn’t care what one’s opinion on the situation was, as Kaito assumes Chris’ poor mother did. Mistaken a really big, comfortable crush for actual love. Really, he hasn’t even heard the whole story, and he already feels pity for everyone involved.

“Yes, life is cruel. Marriage and a happy family do not need ‘true’ love to function well, just like love isn’t a guarantee that a relationship will work out.” Chris muses as he finally puts down his cup. “I always saw my parent’s marriage as ideal, and in another universe, it would have been. Quite a shame.”

There’s little Kaito can do but nod, then gently try to keep the topic going when Chris goes quiet for too long. “What does that have to do with your dog?”

Finally, Chris dares to look at him once more, “Ah, you see, we didn’t get him as a puppy. My mother had a big heart, and thought we should get a rescue instead. Turns out, dealing with a traumatised animal when you have a newborn and a toddler to deal with isn’t easy. Come to think of it, that was such a bad time to get a dog... I think she did it because she thought I was feeling left out due to being the oldest child.” a tiny bitter smile graces his lips. “Anyhow, it ended up with our family not only hiring a dog trainer, but the man almost living with us full time for a couple of months, until our new pet could be trusted around little Mihael.”

Kaito doesn’t need to ask in order to know that that’s when Mrs Arclight fell in love... and that it wasn’t returned. Maybe that speaks well for the other man, that he didn’t try to get close to a married woman. Which is why Kaito cuts to the most important question. “Why did she allow herself to perish, instead of seeking out other options?”

He realizes immediately that his choice of words might come across as judgemental (and to be fair, they are ) and moves to cover his mouth, far too late. Mercifully, Chris merely smiles at him to show that he did not take offence. “I suppose she thought her other options were worse. And to be fair, how can you be a good mother if you lose your capacity to love entirely? Especially when one of them can’t even stand up by themselves yet?” he asks out loud to himself, voice growing more pained by the second, then finishes by shaking his head. “Surgery was not a path to follow in her point of view.”

Kaito forces himself to be subtle as he swallows a knot in his throat, every word that comes out of Chris’ lips feeling like a dagger to his own heart.

How could she have been a good mother indeed... as if plenty of women weren’t terrible mothers without the surgery anyway. How naive was Chris’ mother?

“Then why didn’t she just confess?” Kaito cuts in, wanting a distraction from his own thoughts. “She was already married. Happily so, even. Why would the pain of rejection even matter to her? Just do it, and get it over with. Throw the remains of your love into a fireplace, and no one would even have to know but the two of them.” he points out. Then something comes to him, and he throws Chris a wary look as his voice drops to a whisper, “Unless she thought the other man would have blackmailed her?”

Chris flinches for a moment, face paling with horror, before he recovers and shakes his head. “Oh, no, no, no. Yamada-san was an honourable man, nothing of the sort would have even remotely crossed his mind.” he states, his tone wavering with a little bit of offence.

The fact Chris is defending the man who had a part in ruining his family so feverishly is all that needs to be said on that end, so Kaito settles for repeating the question, “So why not just confess?”

To which Chris seems to deflate, “To be honest, I don’t truly get it... I was young, you know, and even Father and Yamada did not...” he stops, looking away to the side, clutching his knees as he gathers his thoughts. “From what I gather, mother thought that merely acknowledging the fact that she truly loved someone was just as big a betrayal as physically cheating, so she just... tried to ignore it.” He lets out a single bitter laugh at that, a memory that he does not share clearly coming to him, then continues to ramble as the dam is too far open on a wound kept secret for so long, it’s hard to close it back up again. “I think she was hoping the feelings would go away on their own, especially since Yamada understood what was going on and quit fairly early, but...”

When Chris begins to choke on his own words, Kaito takes pity on the man and attempts to take over the convo for a moment. “Sometimes, that does work, but clearly, that did not come to pass. And your family ended up broken anyway.” He states, more as a matter of fact than any passing of judgement, which he assures Chris off by briefly laying a hand on top of his knee and squeezing lightly. Once Chris’ breathing calms down just a tad, Kaito chances putting the conversation back on track again. “Did the fact she ended up not ‘betraying’ her family comfort your father at all?”

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Chris sighs, “Ah, that I do not know since...” he opens his eyes as his voice drops to a whisper. “He no longer has any memories of her. Or had, should I say.”

It’s like a sudden breeze of cold ice took over the room. Chris does not need to elaborate, and Kaito will not dare ask any further questions on it. There is no need to when it’s so obvious what happened, and the way Chris struggles to keep from trembling betrays just how utterly painful thinking about that matter even is. Clearly, a wound that will not be improved by prodding at it, so Kaito settles for a tiny, sympathetic. “Oh...”

Chris nods, a silent show of how much he just appreciated Kaito’s gesture. Perhaps because he now needs a distraction from the matter, he chooses to go back to the previous topic, something that clearly does make him feel better by sharing it with someone else. “The thing is, while confessing was clearly the better choice, sometimes, I turn as desperate as to think her secretly getting the surgery was better than dying off entirely. At least her being around would be something... if you’re a good enough actor, some people do not catch on that you are incapable of loving them.”

Logically, Kaito understands the truth behind those words, and also the pain that would make someone else pick such a sad existence. A good person was always worthwhile to have as a parent, even if they were ‘compromised’ in their ability to bond with their offspring. Certainly favourable to the finality that death brought.

Yet... something about it makes him bite the inner side of his cheek.

If Chris notices it, he’s kind enough to not prod at it, just like Kaito did for him. Instead, he crosses one long leg over the other as he directs his gaze towards the ceiling, “Other times, I allow bitterness to take over, and hate her so much for falling for another man in the first place, that I come to believe that her dying as she did was the only way to make up for it.” and the sheer anger behind his words is more than enough proof that the word ‘hate’ wasn’t used lightly here. Something that quickly gets replaced by bitter pain once more. “My father was a good man... better than Yamada, so why not...”

“The heart isn’t something you can control.” Kaito offers, gently and quickly, more to get Chris to shut up than anything else. The sincere pain behind that last whine hit a little too close for comfort, so now it’s his turn to try and return the topic to something more palatable. “Some people do consider emotional cheating worse than physical betrayal, so I can see where she was coming from.”

Granted, that was something Kaito did not personally agree with, for he was one who kept his body close to his heart, therefore, sharing it with someone else was as deep an act as falling in love. Betraying both was sin, but at least feelings were something someone couldn’t help. Choosing to sleep with someone else was, which made any cheating on that end not just hurt, but be an indictment on the character of the person he foolishly chose to trust in the first place.

He understood people were different, and he respected that. Sort of. Couldn’t ever emphasize with such a point of view in the slightest. Even judged people who did, if he was being painfully honest, but he knew the world did not revolve around his opinions. He just hoped he would never come to love anyone with those beliefs, that’s all, for such incompatibility was a sure path to unhappiness on both ends.

Despite his deep feelings on the matter, Chris does not clearly care for the attempt at sympathy at all, for he completely ignores it in favour of only addressing the first part. “Yes, yes, the heart isn’t predictable, so does everyone say.” His tone indicates he might have some arguments about that, but mercifully, he does not get into a discussion about it. At least, not this time. “Truly, the curse of mankind.”

With that, the room falls into silence. Kaito does not know what else is safe to ask, doesn’t even know if talking about this truly helped his mentor, or if it was merely a selfish endeavour in order to satisfy Kaito’s curiosity. One which brought some of his own pain to the surface, which he guesses was fairly reserved.

But now it’s Chris’ turn to not be done. Still unsatisfied with what he shared, he rubs his throat, and ponders out loud, “Sometimes I lie awake in fear of what ailment I inherited... I do not know which one I should hope for.”  

Kaito almost rubs his own throat by reflex, but he must not have been fast enough in quelling that reaction, for Chris raises an eyebrow at him and asks, “Don’t you?”

To which Kaito almost automatically replies, as dispassionately as possible. “I only know of one side of my bloodline, so I do not know how to answer that.”

And while Chris might be dissatisfied with such a brief answer, it was the honest truth. Or, at least, it was at the time.

-- --- -- --- -- --- --

The worst happens, all the deaths he had theorized being unavoidable coming to pass, including his own. But the best case scenario of everyone coming back also became a reality, so things could have been much worse in the end.

He did not expect his life to be dangled like a carrot by Astral as the most baffling betrayal of a ‘cheer up’ duel he’d ever heard of in his life, but well, the other being was an alien. They forgot most of the time, partly because they barely interacted with him, partly because Astral blended decently, but human standards really couldn’t be applied to him. In the end, he did as Yuma asked, even if he had to be beaten for it, and complaining about it was a fruitless waste of time.

The potential emotional effect such an act would have on Yuma remained to be seen, as Yuma immediately covered up his reaction to his partner’s actions by crying when he saw his resurrected friends. And, in Kaito’s case, running over to him and tackling him into a hug.

It’s a good thing Astral was a moron and did not ask for Kaito’s body to be healed from the effects the photon transformation had on him. Being blind and out of breath caused Yuma to let go before Kaito was unable to continue holding his breath, and this allowed his affliction to go unnoticed without needing to slap the crying kid away again. Kaito really wasn’t in the mood to do that again.

The recovery process wasn’t fun, and he still thought glasses looked ridiculous on him, but avoiding that little mishap was still worth it, in his eyes. Besides, given his actions as the Numbers Hunter, he did not believe being allowed off with no punishment was fair... even if the Barians were let off with no issue, for much worse sins too.

For now, at least. Life could be a bitch, and in his opinion, it was better to settle a karmic debt earlier rather than later.

If such a thing even existed, that is. But if he can believe in hell, he can believe in this too.

But to go back to the present day, where he was mostly stuck at home with Haruto doting on him for once (which was nicer than anything he could have asked for)... now that things had finally settled down after so many years, he finally had time to think once more.

And as was usual, his mind strayed back to a topic most people would find him too stoic and logical to care about. But that made some sense, if one considered how much of his life was dictated by the health of another...

That of the mysterious diseases that science did not have an answer for.

Many with poetic names, but most of the time, people just liked to refer to them by their symptoms. That was no shock, given how utterly horrifying most of them were. Having some of your fluids crystallize, leading you to cry crystal tears that would end up blinding a person once the ailment was far enough along. Growing wings that sapped all the calcium from the rest of your bones, until they eventually shattered. Bad enough to think about, but once it got to the spine...

There were many illnesses that invoked body horrors far greater than any movie or book could ever think up of. And other than wondering when the day would come that their source would be understood and demystified, just like viruses and bacteria were, Kaito did not spare much thought to them.

Such types were more akin to cancer and other currently fatal diseases more than anything else, after all.  A tragedy worthy of pity, but nothing to waste time philosophising over.

Which is what Kaito enjoyed doing with the second type of mysterious illnesses, of which their trigger was at least known; that of emotional ‘curses’, typically related to the wondrous and complicated part of life that was love.

One of the most famous examples, purely because of how tragically beautiful it sounded, was that of Hanahaki. As the name implied, it made flowers bloom on the inside of a human’s lungs, which they would then spit out painfully, growing in intensity until the person either choked on them, or the flowers completely overtook the lungs and asphyxiated them as well.

Technically, it was another type of body horror that made one ponder on how it could even work, yes. But unlike the first type, not only were the triggers for these ones understood... but the affliction was rarely ever fatal.

Hanahaki, to keep his mind on the same track, was triggered out of unrequited love. The ‘cure’, was to just come out and confess to the one who did not return such love; unlike some earlier tales proclaimed, only the confession was required, not that the other returned their feelings all of a sudden.

It made sense, after all, for if the love being unreturned in order for the illness to trigger... and given how many people had their first love be a fruitless one, the existence of such cruel illnesses truly would be mankind’s worst curse.

But it wasn’t, for, again with Hanahaki, once the person confessed, the flowers in their lungs would dry up, and one last cough would expel it all. With the death of the flowers, the afflicted’s feelings for the one who rejected them would die along with it.

There was some confusion that it would then keep the afflicted from ever falling in love, which was a lie. It only happened when the flowers were surgically removed. Why that was the case, was another reason for contention, with theories raging from the fact that flowers bloomed from the spot where the human body produced something needed for love to exist, and forcibly removing them pulled the roots of that production along with it, instead of the natural method that allowed only the overgrown flower to be ejected. To ones where the trauma of the invasive surgery leaving a scar on the body that was so intense, that it was a self-defence mechanism to make sure the need for another surgery would never rise again, to many others.

All were romantic ideas one way or the other, but given how little it was factually known, and the nature of Hanahaki in general, one of them could be accurate, for all everyone knew.

Either way, for most people, something like Hanahaki wasn’t too big a deal. Unless you were unable to confess for some reason (such as a person moving far away in times past, or dying suddenly), it was merely a painful moment that could be dealt with quickly. Some even considered it a boon, to have a way to get over someone who didn’t love them back, instead of wasting years trying to move on with their own strength.

And that, is why Kaito likes to think about Hanahaki and other such ailments. Loves to think of the beneficial connection they have for mankind.

For the meaning of life was, at least logically speaking, to give birth to a new generation and pass on the best genes. But humans, because they were capable of thought and other means of creation, rose above that instinctual need... but the species still desperately needed to keep going and thrive. And just like everything else, human relationships were much more complicated than their animalistic counterparts. Hence, in Kaito’s opinion at least, the need for love ailments.

A person could hold onto a fruitless love for an entire lifetime, or at least, miss out on other opportunities in the meantime. But with something as powerful as Hanahaki, they were forced into action; either confess and get an out of that dead end road, or perish.

And though many did, such as Chris’ mother, Kaito thought it was little more than proof of how overdramatic and self-defeating humans could be. And no matter how much romantics cried that people like him were heartless, the reality of the situation was, most of the world quietly agreed. Hence, why there was so little push to find any sort of treatment for most illnesses. In fact, Hanahaki was an outlier in that it had any medical option at all, and only because it was one of the few that had any chance of being fatal if one did not follow through on its intended ‘cure’.

There were so many other diseases that desperately needed attention, mysterious and horrifying ones too. So how could one justify spending money on something that already can be treated, and for free no less? You couldn’t, hence the very little push for things to change.

Especially since one could fall prey to a love illness several times over their lifetime, and come out of them mostly fine. But medical intervention, such as with Hanahaki, proved to be permanent. For most logically thinking people, it was just a no-brainer choice.

Now, therapy and medication for the symptoms some of the illnesses left behind, that was another matter.

But like Kaito mused over earlier, most ailments didn’t even have a chance to be fatal. And not all of them were to do with unrequited love either...

His breath seems to be even more potent since he came back. Before he deems it too cruel to keep Yuma and assorted friends to visit him after his stay in hospital any longer, Kaito decides that the simplest solution is to merely use a mask for the rest of his life, and ignore any questions about it.

Now he just has to wait... and while he does that, there’s plenty of time to keep on pondering.

-- --- -- --- -- --- --

Kaito wishes he could say he was too young to understand what was happening, but at eleven years old and with his intelligence, it would be a lie. A comforting one, but a lie nonetheless.

Which is why he doesn’t bother to ask his mother any questions when a flower begins to grow right out of her neck, as if her skin shifted into fertile soil overnight. That would be another lie as well, since the little bud had been growing for a good long while; it was just impossible to ignore what it was, now that it was near blooming, and with more buds spreading around her throat.

His mother is suffering from Hanausobyou. A sign that someone in her life is betraying her; and given that they live almost completely isolated in a cabin, and Kaito sure as the sky is blue did nothing of the sort, there is no question as to who’s behind the betrayal.

Kaito didn’t believe it was possible to hate one of your parents this much, absent as Faker was. But at that moment, he doubts he will ever loathe someone else more, especially as the weeks go on and the man doesn’t even deem to call, as always.

When mother smiles at him as she painfully cuts one of the flowers off, Kaito has enough, and moves to message his father. However, he is stopped by a harsh slap, something that was both painful, and came as a shock to him, leading him to look at her in betrayal.

Kaito was never even yelled at before. His mother had no reason to, for he was a well-behaved, careful, and polite boy. And in his eyes, he cannot see anything wrong with what he was just about to do either.

Yet, all she does is look at him in disdain, with a low whisper of, “He’s the one who has to come to me. He promised.”

It’s at that point that, while still incandescent, Kaito’s anger towards his father dies down just a little bit. And it’s also the first time in his life that Kaito thinks that his mother is very, very stupid.

The flowers are growing on her as a desperate bid for her to seek out confrontation. To work out this issue, instead of letting it eat at her. To warn her that waiting around will not make it go away, only grow in intensity. And most of all, that Faker is not to be trusted to be honest himself.

Yet, she chooses to ignore the call to action, in favour of angrily whispering over and over, “He promised, he promised.” as the months go by, and her belly grows and grows.

Kaito worries if the flowers will have an affect on his little brother, considering how frail his mother already is. But since the screenings come back normal, and that his mother is the one who’s choosing not to let the flowers die... he holds no anger towards the disease itself.

He merely grows furious as the months go by, and Faker continues not to visit despite the pregnancy due to ‘a very important work project’, while his mother refuses to do a single video call with the man. Which, to as little credit as he can give him, Faker has increased the frequency of, ever since the pregnancy came to be. But fat load of good that does if his wife refused to come onto the calls ever since the flowers bloomed on a spot she couldn’t cover up without hurting herself.

And maybe Kaito is foolish too, for he can never come out and tell his father what is going on either, which he knows would fix the issue. Maybe it’s partly because he’s still angry at his father, maybe it’s because he’s scared that doing so will be considered a ‘betrayal’ to his mother and worsen her condition, maybe it’s because he’s a bit fearful of inciting the wrath he didn’t know his mother was capable of previously, maybe it’s because he worries that the two of them getting into an argument would trigger a miscarriage in his already frail mother.

He does try to goad his father on, though. Tells him, “Shouldn’t you make time while she’s so delicate? You know mother is weak...”

To which the reply he gets is, “I did that for you, and everything went just fine. She’s stronger than she looks.” and the conversation always ends that way.

Kaito knows he’s not the most sensitive kid in the first place, not the most socially skilled either, but even he can figure out that his fath—Faker’s attitude, is completely unacceptable. He hopes always cutting off the call without saying goodbye sends the hint, but the weeks keep on passing, and nothing.

Mother whispers, “He promised, he promised!” with so much vitriol, and with such increased frequency, that Kaito develops an irrational hatred for the mere concept of promises. One that he would be unable to shake off for years to come.

He also comes to believe that adults are utterly useless, so, though he doesn’t like to think of the worst, he readies himself for it, and begins to build a nannybot. One that will look over Haruto while he’s at school, should mother continue in this deep depression that already forced Kaito to take over household chores or let the house fall into deterioration. Good thing his mother was never a good cook, so he was already used to nothing but instant and frozen meals...

Eventually, the flowers stop spreading. They too, have likely given up on anything changing, just like mother gave up on cutting them out long ago. So they remain there, a mere reminder that she left something undone, that some people should not be trusted, and by the end of the pregnancy, Kaito can barely remember what his mother looked like without a field of black dahlias and buttercups peppered across her neck and chest.

To be honest, Kaito finds the sight of them to be beautiful. He’s never seen them in the bouquets Faker sends on holidays as a substitute for a visit, likely because they have negative connotations in flower language. But that doesn’t deter from how aesthetically pleasant they are, and for this sort of illness, such flowers are both a given, and a necessity.

It’s the start of Kaito slowly coming to think that most things in life have a purpose, a meaning, even if they come with pain attached.

Maybe if they were reason to worry, he’d hate them more. But in the end, it’s a harmless illness that only made his mother have to eat more than she should have, and make her cry when she stubbornly tried to rip them off. They weren’t attached to any major organs, and therefore, even for a mother as frail of health as his, should pose no fatal risk to her. Countless hours researching and the pre-natal results showed that his little brother wasn’t even aware of them, so really... if his mother didn’t want to take the simple step of having a frank conversation to allow them to wilt, then that was as much on her as it was on Faker for putting them there in the first place.

The time for his little brother to be born comes, and that leaves his mother a mess in the hospital, as was expected. Still, just like it was the case with him, good rest would help her recover, and since Orbital 7 was complete, Kaito assured her that there was nothing to worry about. To which she didn’t reply, of course; she had pretty much ceased to speak to him for about a month, and coupled with everything else...

Though he loves her, he knows this is no way for a young teenager to be treated. A good amount of resentment towards her parenting abilities has built up, just like it has with Faker.

And so, when she begins to whisper, “Not even now... he forgot, he forgot! He forgot, because I am nothing to him. Nothing!” Kaito and the medical staff are concerned, but he chooses to focus his worries on his little brother instead. Though he seemed fine in the womb, he’s already showing signs of being as frail as his mother, and since he’s the only member of the family who’s brought Kaito any sort of joy this past year, not to mention the only one truly innocent and helpless, he’s the one who deserves all his focus.

A train of thought that would come to haunt him when his mother passes away in a rather brutal manner not even two days after the birth. Kaito knows something is wrong when nurses usher him away from the room, but the sight of black dahlias and buttercups crushed and bloody on the floor, informs him of what happened before the doctors even gather the guts to. “She ripped them off so brutally and in such quick succession, that she suffered several lacerations and bled out in the middle of the night... the intercom, it wasn’t working, so we couldn’t hear—”

Kaito shook his head at that as a show of forgiveness. His mother had been his father’s assistant once, so tampering with medical equipment in her private room wasn’t out of her abilities. And surely nothing the poor staff could have predicted. He’ll come to hate the medical system a lot over the course of his life, but this would never be one of the reasons for it.

Kaito has no way to cope with such news. Regardless of the past year, he still loved her... and with her gone, he knows, deep down in his heart, that he might as well be an orphan from now on.

As proven when, finally, Faker comes. Comes far too late, and the man has the audacity to yell at Kaito for not informing him of his mother’s condition, to which a deep glare immediately makes him choke down on his anger. To be replaced with, once Kaito informed of her mad rambles, “I’m sorry... I thought she understood... she knew when we got together...”

There’s a lot of regret in that tone, but oddly enough, not a hint of guilt. Something that would haunt Kaito for years to come. Just what kind of man was Faker?

And that’s as much of an explanation for the appearance of the flowers that Kaito was deemed worthy of. Along with being left alone in the countryside with his newborn, frail brother to care for, an assurance that social services wouldn’t ask any questions, and a pat on the head of “I trust you, son.” as Faker left his orphan children behind as if little had happened.

To be fair, he comes around more often, at least for the first couple of years. Which does little to make the situation any less bleak. Kaito thanks himself every day that he thought to make Orbital beforehand; the robot, though it is his creation, becomes more of a father figure to both brothers than Faker would ever be.

He’s so busy, that he doesn’t have time to think in the first place. Being responsible for a newborn at his age is hard, and Haruto becomes a mainstay at the hospital as he grows up. But he’s also the only light in Kaito’s life, so much like the flowers that decorated his mother’s skin once, he could never hold any ill will towards the boy.

It’s at this moment that Kaito grows a fascination with both researching and pondering over sentimental illness. A coping mechanism for the fact he never got any answers. He comes to the conclusion that it truly wasn’t the illness’ fault. It wasn’t fatal, it wasn’t painful unless messed with, and if nothing else, it was a warning, and a call to action.

Humans were just... overdramatic, is all.

Of course, he asks himself just what Faker’s betrayal was. Back when the flowers first appeared, he assumed the most obvious, that the man was having an affair at work. Given the way he acted after his wife passed, though, Kaito let go of that idea completely. Faker was so abhorrent when it came to normal human feelings, that there was no way he fell paltry to something like lust.

Which begs the question, if there was something more to his mother’s ramblings than he originally thought. But because he’s a child, he’s not worthy of any answers, it seems.

He only becomes so after the WDC, shortly after he turns eighteen, an adult to the eyes of the world, finally. The way Faker treated both him and Haruto was too brutal for even him, which is why, for the first time Kaito can recall, his father becomes meek with guilt.

It’s when he finally gets some answers... in the form of a folder with Faker’s medical history, of all things. “You had surgery for Hanahaki when you were a teenager?!” he pretty much squeals, such is the shock of what he finds. In fact, even as he stares at Faker, he’s barely able to comprehend it.

“Yes. It was a stupid thing to do, but I couldn’t bear the thought of being rejected, so...” he begins to absent-mindedly pat his chest. “I thought, if love is so painful, then what’s the harm in never feeling it again? I wasn’t going to need it for my career anyway. It was killing two birds with one stone.” he states, trying to sound firm, but his tone wavers to reveal the pathetic man he’s always been. “It’s been so long, you can barely notice the scar. I can barely recall his face now.”

That little detail is yet another revelation, but it’s completely useless to Kaito, who’s struggling not to crumple up the report and throw it at his father’s face. “Ah yes, love, such a tiny, useless  emotion.” he grumbles bitterly, then raises his voice as he glares at the other man, “Not something you need to raise a family, at all .”

He’s not the type to get emotional in front of others, or at least, not after Chris. But he can’t help it; he’s finally gotten the answer to why his life has been so crap, and it’s not one that he likes. Mostly because, it makes so much sense that it hurts.

It’s a perfect explanation of why his father always abandoned his family in favour of working. Why, even when he was trying to save the younger’s life out of some tiny sense of guilt, he did it so by almost killing both his sons. Why he thought never telling the truth to either was perfectly excusable, as long as the ends justified the means, why he saw his eldest son and closest friend as nothing more than tools to be sacrificed. How he was able to allow Chris to keep working in the lab after his father went missing as if it was nothing.

It’s because Faker didn’t love any of them in the slightest. Literally couldn’t. He instead weighted their worth to him in terms of logic; such as that letting one’s offspring die was probably bad and all, therefore, it should be stopped, regardless of the cost. Maybe he even thought it would make up for letting his wife kill herself, who knows.

What is obvious is, Faker gave up his humanity alongside his ability to love. A scientist’s moral compass was seldom ever worth being trusted either. And yet...

“I didn’t plan on having a family.” Faker answers before he can ask, and though he seems a tiny bit guilty, there is something about it that makes him far less sincere and emotional than even Orbital is. Now Kaito doesn’t even have to wonder why; doesn’t have to wonder if it’s because he’s a person deserving of being hated, as he did so after Chris left him. One of the three people in his life Kaito expected love from, yet was disappointed in the worst way.

The whole thing is making him angry. “Yet, you had one.” he points out and slaps himself on the chest, as if telling Faker ‘look at me, you idiot. You utter farce of a man.’ He has to stop himself from screaming, “Explain that. Did yo—”

“Your mother always knew.” Faker interrupts, looking away as if he’s suddenly staring at someone who isn’t there. “I told her it was a bad idea. But she insisted it was what she wanted: a quiet life where she didn’t have to worry about work or money, where she could choose to have children and not have to answer to some man, raise them as she wished, but still be able to call him over when she wanted to play normal family. Where she didn’t have to feel pressured to fulfill her ‘marital duties’, given that she was asexual.” his father explains, with words that almost don’t sound like his own, but a retelling of someone else’s speech. “I could provide her with all of that. Money, children, and leaving her alone. Love was of no concern to her. That’s why it worked so well for over a decade.”

The surge of information makes Kaito blink. Though it’s something he never considered, if he thinks about it, there’s not much of a shock to it. A perfect explanation for why his mother settled for a man much older than her, was never angry at the arrangement, at least not until...“And what did you get out of it?” he asks before he can forget about it in favour of other questions, for that is the one thing he does not get here.

Faker merely shrugs. “To pass on my genes. Have someone to pass my work to eventually.” he lists rather dispassionately. “It is mankind’s purpose, is it not? I thought it was always out of my reach, but with such a perfect arrangement, why not go for it? She was a fine woman too, health aside, who would never have had a family otherwise either.” He finished that off with a sigh, and Kaito doesn’t have to even wonder if the man thought that was a worthwhile choice or not, for he continues pretty quickly, “I mean, you graduated from college at seventeen while taking care of your younger brother. You didn’t even have any health issues before the photon mode either... you can’t say our genes weren’t worthy of passing on. You’re proof of it, a cut far above most others. Only Byron’s noble lineage of many generations can rival it.”

Faker dares end that off with a tiny smile. As that makes this charade all worth it.

Kaito can no longer hold himself back. “I notice that you left Haruto out of that speech! Wonder why!” but it’s not a question at all, and they both know it. They both know there is a huge mistake in the logic his father based his life on.

The other man looks sad for a brief moment. “Haruto was a possibility we chose to ignore at the time. Especially after the way you turned out.” he explains, and then looks at Kaito with a self-righteous stare as his voice returns to its usual commanding tone, “It’s a mistake I tried to make up for by using the Barians to erase his weakn—”

Kaito interrupts the man by harshly slapping him. It makes his palm sting. It makes him wonder if he looks like his mother right now. “Don’t.” he barks out.

His father takes both the warning and assault the way he usually does; by straightening his back and pretending it didn’t happen.

There’s a lot Kaito wants to scream at his father about this. But the mere notion of having to discuss calling Haruto a ‘mistake’ almost makes a blood vessel burst out in his head. For the sake of not leaving his brother alone in the world with this man, he chooses to back off, even if he will always put away this moment in his heart. “So if your deal was so wonderful, what made the flowers bloom on her skin?” he challenges his father with a glare.

The man responds with a sigh, “She was asexual, not incapable of love like I am. And far stupider than I gave her credit for, as she eventually fell in love with me.” Even years on, Faker seems to be confused by that, and given their current conversation, Kaito can’t blame him for it.

Really, what was his mother thinking? You can’t control your heart, indeed...

Still, it was not Hanahaki that his mother died of. So he nods as a way to tell Faker to get on with it. “I told her it was her own choice, and she accepted it. However, she did make me promise to be around more should we have another child... I wasn’t counting on that happening, so I carelessly gave her my word.”

So, Haruto was either an accident, or only planned on his mother’s end, thank you again for such wonderful information. He swears that, no matter what, he will never let any of this information reach the boy’s ears, for he does not deserve any of this. “Yet, you weren’t around when she was pregnant... I can see what the betrayal was about then. And why she didn’t want me to tell you anything.” he grumbles.

That seems to get Faker angry. The gall. “Well, you should have anyway. I would have come for at least a day if I had known what was going on. You’re as foolish as she was, not—”

Sickened by the sound of his voice, it’s now Kaito’s turn to cut him off. “Oh, how funny it is to hear that from a man who doesn’t know that you shouldn’t leave your frail wife alone for all her pregnancy! That maybe your other son would like a little attention before he’s no longer an only child! That you should have been there to feel your unborn kick at least once!” his voice keeps getting higher and higher, until he’s downright screaming, “Yes, it’s such a far off concept, of course a man of your intelligence needs to be told about it! If you had, you would have come for one day . That’s certainly what mother was hoping for when you made that promise! One day!” He feels himself shaking, his fury echoing throughout the lab. “Tell me, do you even remember what research was so important that you couldn’t go home once for almost an entire year?”

It’s a clear challenge to his father. One that he knew the outcome of even before the man lowered his head. “Byron was the one who remembered such matters. I just let myself be consumed by research, then moved on to the next one.”

To which Kaito just laughs, “Then the last five years must have been a blur to you without him around. Or did you get Heartland to do it? When he wasn’t abusing my desperation in your stead, that is?” he glares, but it only lasts a second. Instead, he hides his face in his hands as everything comes crashing down to him. “Mother died for this. I almost want to laugh.”

And he does, but it’s a bitter, scary imitation, more of a cry than anything else. This is all so... dramatic and foolish.

“I never lied to her. She’s the one who did so to me.” Faker attempts to defend himself after a stretch of awkward silence, but it’s as weak as everything else he’s said today. “I didn’t even promise. I just said ‘okay’ when she wouldn’t shut up about it. She never minded my work before... how was I supposed to suddenly guess things were different?”

At that, Kaito can only roll his eyes. Seems Faker will never quite understand that there are some things you shouldn’t need to be told. But he also has a point in that his mother allowing that to doom her into an early grave was just as baffling.

“You were both idiots.” Kaito says with bitterness as he begins to get up. “Idiots who deserved each other, but never any children. All that talk about wanting to be alone with her kids, yet she didn’t care about staying alive for either of us.”

There it is. The anger he’s held towards her for so many years, now finally out in the open. It feels good to say it. It feels good to finally admit to himself that he could dislike both of his parents, accept that both of them didn’t care for him in the end. Even if one was a good one for the first eleven years of his life... his current predicament said it all.

And since he’s done that already... might as well go for broke here, and be fully honest. “I hate the both of you.” he says as he stares at Faker straight in the eye, daring him to respond.

He’s not sure what he’s expecting, from someone who can’t even love him, to feel at that statement. Someone who participated in breaking him down these past few years, both physically and mentally, who lied through his teeth even as his son fought against him, and only admitted the baffling truth after almost dying.

 Some disappointment at the way things turned out between them, at the very least?

But instead, Faker just smiles. “As every child your age does.”

Because they are just like a normal family where that logic applies, of course. Truly, Faker is a moron at anything that isn’t science. Perhaps more alien than the creatures he tries to make a deal with, and can that truly be all because of his surgery?

“You’re truly the worst. The both of you.” he ends up mumbling under his breath.

It was only a repeat of what he had already stated, so he wasn’t truly expecting a response. Yet, Faker gives him one, by way of a hearty laugh, “Well, you are the best part of both of us, so maybe you’ll prove that you’ll do better than us in your own life.”

By this point, Kaito is just tired of it all. There is no use arguing with a wall. He got some answers to questions that plagued him for years, so he’ll take those as a victory, and try to bury everything else about this conversation. Mainly the stuff pertaining to Haruto.

He walks away, not deeming the other worthy of another word, but just before he’s able to leave...“Your breath smells faintly nice. Were you chewing some gum before, Kaito?”

There’s a mocking tone to his father’s voice that Kaito has never heard before. It almost makes him turn around to look at the man, but his firm composure makes it so he only trembles for a second. By reflex, he places his hand over his mouth, and exhales...

Faker is right.

Kaito’s breath did not smell like this when he woke up today. The day of the WDC finals. But now it’s night and—

“Oh, that’s right, your bloodline on both ends is tainted by flowers. I wonder what yours smells like?” Faker interrupts his inner musings with a laugh. “Mine were daffodils. The only man I ever sought guidance from...”

—and the ailment deep in Kaito’s genes has now woken up to inform him that his life has changed forever.

At least, it is nowhere near a harsh warning. Must be because he gets it from both sides, that he caught it so easily.

Shaking his head, and ignoring the moment of vulnerability Faker just offered him, he yells under his breath, “Given that I inherited your  inclinations, I won’t have any children to ruin in the first place!!”

And with one last chuckle from Faker, Kaito slams the door behind him. It’s been a long day, and really, couldn’t the man let his body rest for at least a night before shoving this all unto him? He already waited eighteen years, after all. But no, never any consideration as to how photon mode was utterly breaking Kaito apart.

Prick.

The stupidest thing about all of this is that, deep down, he still loves both his parents. That is the nature of a child, after all, and despite everything he’s gone through these past few years, despite literally raising his brother since he was born...

His breath does smell like flowers.

At eighteen.

Proving that, in the end, Kaito is still very much a child.

-- --- -- --- -- --- --

For the umpteenth time since the WDC, Kaito bemoans the fact that smell is not a sense that can be emulated over the internet, and that the memories of his time in the countryside are mostly faded when it comes to these details.

It makes every search he does on flowers be pretty much useless. But though he knows he needs to get out of his comfort zone to identify what is taking root inside him, he’s not ready to take that step yet. Not that Haruto would let him, with him still not fully recovered and all.

He did look up the meanings of the flowers that had marked his life so far though, and try as he might, he can’t forget certain associations. The negative ones, mostly. Hyacinths, jealousy, and a desire for forgiveness in the case of purple ones. Black Dahlias, betrayal. Buttercups, ingratitude and childish behaviour. Daffodils, respect and admiration.

None of which he had any care for... except maybe the first one.

Chris was, after all, the only person whom he sought affection from that actually apologized for throwing his hopes back at his face. The one who allowed himself to believe in foolish hopes instead of having one last talk. The one who didn’t come for him despite having a second opportunity for it no—

“Niisan, you have a visitor today!” the always pleasant and welcome voice of his younger brother interrupts his thoughts, his tiny steps growing louder as he gets closer. “It’s not Yuma, so I let him in because we both know he won’t bother your rest.” And just as he finishes that, his head pops into the room, sending his brother a smile that should be mischievous, but because it’s only his face, it would never be anything but adorable. “But once you’re all good, I’m inviting Yuma over, I’m warning you!”

Kaito responds to his brother’s wink with a smile, and puts down the book he hadn’t been reading for the past hour. With one last charming laugh, Haruto nods and walks away, telling Orbital to leave Kaito’s room alone for the time being on the way.

With that, someone else walks into the room. Kaito has to fight real hard to keep the tiny smile off his face; speak of the devil, and he shall appear.

“You’re looking well, Kaito.” Chris greets pleasantly as he looks around, eyes settling on the chair resting under Kaito’s desk. “Your glasses do not look nearly as bad as Haruto informed me you keep whining they do.”

As Chris drags the chair near Kaito’s bed without even asking, Kaito deems it fit to tease the man just a little. “Well, we all have our bad opinions. And I don’t mean myself.”

“I’m not the one with the bad eyesight.” Chris fires back flawlessly. His smile looks charming as usual; hard not to with such beautiful features. Even when furious and being pelted by rain, Chris was a flawless example of a human being when it came to looks. Faker’s words of competing with a generations old noble lineage come back to mind, and frankly, Kaito isn’t really sure he can compare.

Yet, there is something... sombre about Chris this time. He’s tired, more than he ever was when Byron was missing, and the confident edge of his voice has come off just a little.

And Kaito doesn’t need to ask at all. But waiting isn’t his strong suit here, so he tries to prod the subject along. “How are things by you? Surprised you have time for a visit and all, given that your family is finally all back together... but Byron still looks like a child. Legally, how do you deal with that?”

There is no actual curiosity behind it, and Chris knows it, shown by the way he smiles teasingly. “Same way your father dealt with dumping both his sons alone in the countryside without getting them taken away: a few bribes here, not reporting certain things there, and suddenly, a lot of the systems that hold society together cease to matter.” Both of them share a bitter look at that, but Chris quickly moves on from that little unpleasantness. “It helps that Faker welcomed him back to the lab. I don’t think I would be able to stand that man if he were stuck at home all the time. He might actually get bored enough to go back to school.” he says, but there’s no frustration behind it; it’s only an attempt to make light of a still very grim situation.

Surprised at the actual joke, Kaito attempts to return it. “He would become Haruto’s classmate, imagine that.”

That actually gets Chris to laugh genuinely, “Haha, ack!” only to end with him holding back a cough and clutching his throat. For that awkward moment, Kaito can do little but lower his gaze.  Mercifully, Chris recovers quickly and continues with as much dignity as he can. “Well, as for everything else, it’s like Thomas’ scar, like our actions before and during the WDC, like my brother’s memories of the orphanage. We just... deal with it.”

The way he says that, betrays the fact that ‘dealing with it’ mostly means ‘ignoring it and pretending this was always our normal’. Which, given everything that has happened, is perhaps the simplest way to do it, even if not the most healthy. “How’s by you?” Chris finishes as he throws him a knowing look.

There’s no need to specify what Chris means by that. The empathy in his tone says it all: ‘How are you dealing with the guilt of being the Numbers Hunter?’, ‘How have you and Haruto internalized the way Faker treated you?’, ‘Will your body ever fully recover?’

To the first two silent questions, Kaito responds with a simple, “Same.” knowing that Chris is the type to know when to let things drop.

For the last, though, he finds that there is no harm in being honest. “Well, turns out photon mode wrecked my body in more ways than just my eyesight. I am on several supplements for the time being due to my natural reserves of essential minerals and vitamins being so low, and will likely have to take calcium for the rest of my life. Unless I fancy a sure case of osteoporosis, and an early one at that.”

“So, no more dashing entrances of crashing through glass and landing on your knees?” Chris attempts to lighten the mood, and for all it would be foolish from most others, Kaito finds that he actually appreciates it when it comes to his former mentor.

Or maybe, now that everything is over, he’s lowering his guard back to the kind person he used to be, instead of the fearful paranoiac. Just a little.

Either way, Kaito answers the joke seriously, “No, much to Orbital’s delight. He always worried about a shard of glass getting into my eye or something... bothersome pile of metal.” he prattles on fondly. “Other than that, it is as you know. I had to go through a lot of physical therapy, and these glasses are here to stay. But all in all, it could have been much worse.”

‘I certainly deserved much worse, given my actions.’ goes unsaid, but as always since he decided to throw his morality aside, the reality of that is always present in his mind, along with endless guilt and self-loathing.

“I suppose, fate can be kind to people like us sometimes.” Chris nods in simple agreement. For a moment, there is nothing but silence as both of them mull over their lives, but it’s eventually broken by the other man whispering, “I do want to apologize to you, though.”

Kaito immediately shakes his head. “You already did so when you extended a hand out during the Barian world.” he assures, then turns to look at him sympathetically. “I get it. Sometimes, our morals must be put aside for more important things. You do not need to say anything more.”

The other throws him a challenging look. “But I want to. And I think... sometimes, we disregard just how important words can be.” and whether subconsciously or not, Chris lightly pats his throat. “It was wrong of me to put you in the same boat as your father, especially when I knew how poorly he already treated you. It was deplorable to abuse Haruto’s trust to then betray him.” he lists, eyes staring off into the distance because it’s painful for him to look directly at Kaito. “And I never meant to make you think I hated you... that you deserved to be thrown away... I didn’t, it’s just...”

Kaito’s  instinct is to once again say that he gets it, maybe even reach out and path the other man on the back. But because of Chris’ insistence that some things must be said, he patiently waits, allowing the other to both collect himself and gather his courage.

“I had to leave many things behind me when I decided to join Tron in his revenge. And given that you couldn’t leave Faker either...” Chris trembles as he clutches his knees. Maybe he’s remembering their meeting at that blasted party, maybe he’s remembering the day their connection was severed by himself. Who can really tell, when so much of their relationship is marred with utter pain. “We just had to be at opposite ends. And it was easier to do that if I convinced myself that I actually did hate you. Even if, deep down, it was always farthest from the truth.”

Well, that’s actually good to know. Given his life so far, Kaito was haunted by the question of what he had done to deserve such hatred (or at least, deserve it before he became the Number’s Hunter). So it was a relief to know that at least one person he trusted, did not actually think he was worthy of such betrayal.

But he’s still scared of showing too much vulnerability. The years of training to become a Hunter, the pain he’s suffered since, is far too much to get over in such a short time. Much as Chris (‘and Yuma’, his mind adds) would love to be able to ‘fix’ him so easily.  So instead, he talks about something else, “Yes. And the scar on your brother’s face, and the fact you hired people to go after a kid who had suffered the same situation as you, proves that I wasn’t a special case at all.” he points out, simply and truthfully. “So unless you feel the need to apologize to them as well, I think we’ve said all that needs to be said.”

Chris, however, does not back down. “I do need to do that. When all parties are ready for it. But I cannot ignore you, and you know it.”

Guilt prickles at Kaito’s chest when he hears those words, the truth that they’re dancing around. Therefore, he can do little but remain quiet, any will to argue back dead on his chest. Eventually, Chris sighs, “Do you hold any ill will towards me?”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. My trust is a very fragile thing.” Kaito answers without even thinking about it, for that is how one can be most honest. Then he chooses to elaborate, if only for his own benefit, “But I’m a very bitter person. It’s an indictment on me, not on you. Especially considering that I did no better.” he sighs. With that realization, some of the bitterness is lifted, and it is with sincerity that he looks up at Chris. “We worked well together, and I genuinely worried over you during that duel. I am sincerely happy that you came to visit me just now. I think those actions speak much louder than my words.”

Chris closes his eyes. “So they do.” he agrees, taking a deep breath. “I don’t think there is any point in delaying things further. Neither of us does well with romanticism, even if I do love the notion.”

It’s like a pin dropped in a silent room. Yet, Kaito doesn’t even have a moment to ready himself, before Chris makes use of his determination to open his eyes, stare at him straight in the eyes, and say, loud and clear, “Kaito, I love you.”

Such simple words, yet Kaito cannot even begin to imagine how hard it was, to allow to them to go free into the world. For all he’s judged people about blowing things out of proportion, now that he’s faced with the reality of things, he can understand them.

Just a little. After all, there is a reason Chris chose to go through with this, and it was the correct choice.

Since Chris has taken such a big step, it’s now Kaito’s turn to reciprocate. So he starts by slowly nodding. “I know.” he admits gently. Then he gathers his hands over his knees, fumbling a little before finally putting this all to an end. “I am sorry. I always just saw you as a close friend, maybe even an older brother.”

There it is. The truth that Kaito always knew, that Chris likely was always aware of. Now as free to join the world as Chris’ confession was.

For a moment, Chris’ expression turns sad, even though there is no trace of shock. It’s somehow horribly poetic, the way his pale, delicate features match the emotion so well. This is the most beautiful Kaito has ever seen the already stunning man look.

Then the face suited of a doll twists into one of horrible pain, as Chris lunges forward with his mouth open. “Accck, cough, haaaaah!”

Though this was the logical end, the extremely violent cough still shocks Kaito with its intensity. The surprise turns into pure terror as the man topples over him, clutching at his chest as if he’s dying. “Chris!”

It’s a lot more painful to just witness this than Kaito ever thought it would be. Though later on he will admonish himself for not having predicted just how excruciating coughing up a whole flower could be, at the moment, it matters little. All Kaito can do is desperately hold onto the other man as he convulses on his bed, hitting him on the back in order to help the flower come up, and stare in wonder as Chris eventually vomits a dried flower, the sight reminding Kaito of how snakes look when they swallow a large egg.

Just as quickly as it began, it’s over. Of course Chris is almost knocked out by that, and Kaito can almost hit himself for never looking up how to take care of someone in this situation, given his whole fascination with these ailments and all. He settles for jumping out of the bed, placing Chris under the covers, making sure the man is still breathing, and dashing out the room in a panic.

He finds Haruto and Orbital at the end of the hall, looking worried. Kaito has no time to even misunderstand matters, for he trusts that they didn’t hear a word, merely the horrible noise that mess caused, and can’t blame them for being worried. A stern look and a nod is all that’s needed to get them to back off, though Kaito is reassured that the two are around to call an ambulance, should things go to worse.

He ends up at the medicine cabinet, unsure of what to do. Taking a few moments to calm down and think, he comes to the conclusion that the worst must be over, otherwise there would be more awareness about how to deal with such a common occurrence. With that in mind, he chooses to just fetch some fever medication, a thermometer, ibuprofen, then goes to the kitchen to prepare some tea. It’s hard to pick between lemon and honey, but he eventually settles for lemon, even if he shakes a little.

It’s almost like he’s twelve years old and taking care of a sick newborn. He sure feels as helpless as he was back then, but it also gives him a reason to settle his nerves. Just like back then, he’ll find a way to work things out.

Once he’s back in his room, placing everything he struggled to carry here on his desk, he hears Chris groan. “Don’t move.” he insists. Ignoring the ‘thing’ on the bed, he moves to take Chris’ temperature, and is relieved to find that, despite how sweaty he is, there is no fever. “Drink this, it will soothe your throat. Take the pill if you need some pain relief.” he instructs after helping the man sit up and fetching his things.

It seems the warmth of the cup is enough to lift Chris’ spirits just a tad. After taking a sip in order to help him get the ibuprofen down, he turns to Kaito, breath still ragged. “Th...ou...” he whispers. A few more sips, and he’s out of breath once again. “Ahhhhn, aah...”

“Don’t force yourself.” Kaito advises gently as he takes the cup from the other and places it on his headstand. As Chris slowly, but surely, gets back to normal, he finally cannot keep his eyes away from ‘it’.

The dried hyacinths on his bed, still recognizable even when withered and covered in fluids. The proof that Chris once loved him, and that those feelings are now gone, due to Kaito’s response.

It’s a strange thing, to look at physical proof of something that should be mostly intangible. “I’ll... I’ll put that in a bag for you.” he adds awkwardly as he gets up once more.

He put on some gloves, just in case, but it’s strange how heavy such a light thing can be. Deep down, he wonders what Chris will do to it; Kaito recalls saying one should just burn the evidence or move on. Will Chris do that, or settle for trashing it? It’s hard to say what outcome would be better.

“This is... no surprise...” Chris struggles to get out in a breathy whisper as he takes hold of something that was once part of him, something that caused him a fair amount of pain. Whatever his thoughts on the matter are, it’s covered by what a tired mess he looks like now. “If it was requited, ah, I wouldn’t have developed... hanahaki.” he finished with much effort.

Kaito sighs in frustration. “You really shouldn’t speak.” he scolds. Because it’s the truth, and yet, he knows Chris will not heed his advice. He has that look in his eyes, the one that betrays the fact he wants to talk, and unlike years ago, it seems he won’t need a signal in order to open up. Kaito can’t judge him, but also, stubborn fool. “And yes. You wouldn’t have.”

It’s the reality of the matter. As simple as Kaito always thought it was. However... something is biting at him in the back of his mind, “Did you not have any hopes though? That maybe, if we had worked out our issues...”

Because that did sometimes happen: that the love was only unreturned temporarily. Or that someone only realized their love after they were confessed to. It was fairly rare, but it happened often enough (and was the subject of many romance/dramas) that most people held out the tiniest hopes. Which Kaito was never that bothered by, as long as it got the afflicted to go ahead and cure their illness in the first place.

Now though, given their rather unique circumstances, he can’t help but be curious, even if the logical part of him tells him that he should drop the subject entirely already.

Either way, Chris finds the question worthy of an answer. And it’s a simple, “No, because I’ve always been in love with you. Ghn.” he clutches at his throat for a moment, swallowing visibly before continuing, “Yet, I didn’t develop it until after the WDC.”

Kaito begins to almost sweat as he connects the dots. As he realizes just how little privacy his own affliction has afforded him. As he realizes how long Chris kept this all hidden. “...”

After recovering from his pain, Chris throws him a... smile. Not a bitter or resigned one, just a kind one. Like he would always don back in the days when things were simple between them. “When you accosted me at that finalist party... your breath was normal.” he informs, as if Kaito needed further explanation. “But when we began working on the portal... it was now sweet and fresh...”

There really is no need for further explanation. Yet, Kaito can do little but grip his knees and look away, unable to put a stop to this. “...”

Taking advantage of his state, Chris leans close, and before Kaito realizes, he’s right over his face... Kaito leans away before anything can happen, surprised, but going by Chris’ eyes, it seems that a kiss was not his intent at all. “Such a nice smell... it suits you.” he assures, again with a smile. “Do you know what flower it is?”

Trying to recover from being caught off guard, Kaito chooses to block those thoughts for now, and replies honestly, “No. I’ve been trying to find out, but with everything that happened, and now being locked in here...”

Chris nods as he leans away once more. “I’ll try to help you then... force you to not ignore it...” he promises. The strain of conversation is too much for him, as he takes the cup from the nightstand and slowly finishes it off. Kaito makes a note to go make more as soon as this conversation is truly done. “I am glad I took after mother and not father... at least this way, we can still be together.” Chris admits after a tiny moment of contemplation.

Once again, Kaito is shocked. “You want us to continue working together?”

Given their area of work, and that Tron went back to the lab, of all people, it makes sense. But given both their bitter natures, and the fact they’re young and not fully locked into careers yet, it also made sense to go for a new start. Once, Kaito would have said that that’s what he would have chosen. Given the still empty countryside house though, that shall remain empty for at least years more, he can no longer affirm such a thing either.

There are some things worth holding onto, despite everything.

Chris, however, adds to it even more, “I want us to be friends.” he states seriously, then shakes his head. “Now... I can be the older brother you wanted.”

There’s little Kaito can say to that but, “I’m sorry.”

Honestly, he’s not sure what for. One cannot help their heart at all. And in the end, this will be but a blip in Chris life, one that won’t have any long term effects on him. If they truly do keep on being friends, it might be something to reminisce about later. Perhaps, he’s truly back to being a decent person who’s open with their kindness, and the notion that he caused a friend pain for some time is enough.

Chris nods in acknowledgement, but doesn’t offer anything else. Perhaps, he found such sentiments to be useless. Instead, he begins to muse out loud, “You know... when I began suffering from this... I was shocked at how quickly it progresses.” he says as he finally looks down at the transparent bag on his lap, lightly poking the dried flower. “Yet, for a moment, I understood my mother. It’s, ahhn, so tempting to just ignore it.” he stops briefly as his throat clearly continues to ail him.

Sparing a moment to finally look at the thing, Kaito recalls some of the more positive associations with hyacinths, blue ones specifically: joy and sincere care. He wonders if all those feelings dried up alongside Chris’ love for him, but there’s no meaning in pondering over bygones. “You can forget about it now.” he reassures.

However, Chris shakes his head. “I’ll press it into a journal. It will be a nice memory.” he states as he runs a finger over the stem. And given that Chris was the one who went through this ordeal, well, far be it for Kaito to argue against him. “Your ailment is so much more pleasant... and rare. Did you ever find out about Faker?” he asks suddenly, looking genuinely curious.

Kaito is getting sick of being surprised at this point. “You knew?” he asks, already guessing at what Chris wanted to get at.

“Tron told me.” the other affirms with a shrug of his shoulders. “It was one of the reasons we were to not feel sorry for him. He didn’t love his own family, so...” Feeling bad for Kaito’s situation, Chris then has to divert his gaze. “I had no reason to think it wasn’t the truth, despite all of Tron’s manipulations.”

At this point, Kaito wants to roll his eyes. Of course the entire Arclight family knew, given that Byron had worked with Faker for decades, before Kaito’s own mother even met him. He can’t even be mad about Tron trying to use such a thing for his advantage, for he’s far too busy being mad at Faker and all his secrets instead “It wasn’t. He told me the same thing after the WDC finals.” he replies, then bitterly bites his lips as he swings one leg over the other. “To think you knew before me...”

Chris suddenly leans over and pats him on the back. “There, there.” he coos gently like a... an older sibling would do to a younger one. Given his smile, Chris wanted Kaito to make that exact same comparison. “Humans can be quite dramatic, don’t you think? This is so easily dealt with... well, this ailment at least. Yet, our parents made such a mess.” he offers as he returns to resting his back against the pillows.

“That is why we’re better than them.” Kaito offers back right away. Then, this time fully on purpose, he breathes into his hand, still unable to identify what is growing inside him... but admitting to himself that the smell truly is nice. “Should I ever begin to spit out this flower, I won’t hesitate to do the same as you.” he promised. Both to Chris, and himself.

Given the fact he has flowers running from both his side of the family, enough to trigger this rare ailment, there’s little doubt it can progress to either hanaki or hanauso. One of which he can’t ignore as easily as this one, and one he really shouldn’t ignore. Might as well ready himself for that reality early.

“I hope it won’t happen.” Chris declares, and nothing in his voice betrays any sort of insincerity. “But if it does, don’t throw it away afterwards. For I am sure it must be a beautiful flower.” he says, more of a plea than anything else.

If this was years ago, when Chris first confided in him about his mother, and the tale made the pain of his own mother’s come back to the surface, Kaito would have rudely called the man a sentimental fool.

As it is now, Kaito blows air up his own nose. It is a pleasant smell. Even if these feelings one day turn against him, even if this flower borne out of his own heart dies...

It will surely be a pretty flower.

“Maybe.” he eventually neither concedes nor denies, and Kaito knows that Chris can feel the full force of his breath even from a distance.

He is the last one to do so besides Haruto, as the next visit Kaito gets, a mask is ready on his face. And never leaves his person, even when he returns to normal society. Politeness keeps even the most extroverted idiots from asking.

Kaito never gathers enough courage to ask if Chris did go ahead and press his own flower to forever keep as a memory, or if the sentiment was all for show and the man did end up trashing or burning the thing. Maybe after pressing it, who knows.

It is no longer his right to know. The two of them return to being friends, and thanks to Hanahaki’s ‘magic’, there is no bitterness on Chris’ end. From Kaito’s end, well, he had become a master at pretending everything was alright these past few years, and this was a much easier affair than having to continue to think of Faker as a father, or that he doesn’t worry about Haruto’s condition still.

Everything is as normal as it can be now. And all it took were a couple of words and some violently scary coughs. Surely, that was the point of the ailment after all; to force Chris to spare himself from prolonged pain and move on, to put Kaito into a position where he could finally be honest with his mentor about his broken trust.

Now that the pain of the moment is past, Kaito is back to thinking humans who choose otherwise are merely overdramatic after all.

And so, Kaito continues to live and ponder about the function of ailments born of feelings, because his own affliction doesn’t make much of a difference in his life. He’ll enjoy it until the feelings that make it bloom naturally fade away at some point.

Simple. Easy. Logical.

But it wouldn’t be the last time one of the ailments would affect his life in more than just his musings.

And Kaito underestimated just how much seeing an affliction up close when he was no longer a child who could not understand it, would affect his reactions to them from then on.