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There was that dream again. Of him killing his own brother. Blood coating his hands and guilt washing over him, like being drowned in water. It was suffocating. Drowning in a guilt that wasn't even real. But it felt real. The warm blood coating his arms as he held his body. Blood digging beneath his nails, and how those hot tears of shame and grief ran down his face. His brother's body was like a watercolor painting through the tears clouding his eyes. Digging his face into his brother's chest, trying to hear some sense of a heartbeat. Something- anything! "Please just wake up!!" He sobbed with a hollow ache in his chest. The cold body of his brother was held limp and lifeless in his arms. This was the price for his sins. He couldn't save his brother. Why?
He had killed his brother, by not saving him. By not being able to show him how things can change. How things can become better for the two of them. And now, he was dead and gone.
The world around him making him drown in grief, guilt, and tears. Water could be compared to how his tears could fill an ocean's amount of this dry and barren land, for how much shame and guilt he had. The amount of fear, grief, and sadness from losing his only brother. His only family. The world twisting its color and shape as he drowned beneath all of it indefinitely.
He wakes up in a cold sweat and hot tears steadily rolling off his face. Shaking and grasping the air to hold his brother's lifeless body. Only to grab nothing. Right, he's not dead. He's been gone from his life for so long. Lips parted to try and intake air. Only to feel like the air itself was drowning him. Suffocating him. Fear an ocean's full, surrounded him. What if he couldn't save anyone? What if he hurt his loved ones? Friends, family, those he cared deeply for. What if he destroyed everything in his wake and himself along with it? Not a shred of life or humanity left. He gasped desperately for air, drowning in only his emotions. Emotions thick and full of panic.
Then he felt a set of warm arms wrap around his body. Pulling him in a direction. A direction he couldn't tell from the dizzying feeling of drowning and anxiety. His body pressed against theirs. Putting a hand to his head and ruffling his hair and rubbing his temple. His body pulled closer to their chest. His back being gently held and rubbed with their other hand. A warm body in contrast to the cold fear he was drowning in. He slowly could feel his gasping for air ease. The fear he would never tell anyone.
Fear of being alone- but being afraid of hurting anyone. Pushing them away instead. But instead, he was pulled towards them. An invitation to be cared for, something that he didn't know he could accept. "There there, it was only a nightmare Angel. Only a nightmare." The familiar voice whispered into his hair. Pressing a kiss to his head. He only nodded tiredly and let himself lean against Nicolas' chest. Being held safe and warm. "Thank you.." "Don't mention it Blondie."