Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

CHAPTER 1

Keisuke liked to burn things, but it was just as simple as that. No, he enjoyed every single part of it, from the moment he lit up the fire until the moment everything was dawn to ashes. He was drawn to it in the same way that bodies are drawn to the earth's surface by gravity. And it’s no surprise that this is one of the first things Chifuyu noticed about him - one of the many things and pieces of information that he would collect like precious stones, like learning about his terrible grammar, his fascination for animals or his obsession with peyoung yakisoba. 

Chifuyu wonders how in love someone has to be to make sure to pay attention to everything the person they’re in love with likes or not, this was something he was only used to reading about, but to feel it so deep in his bones was certainly something new. 

He supposes that this is gravity too, the way he was drawn to learn all of the little pieces that would form the puzzle that was Baji Keisuke.

So, basically Baji Keisuke likes fire, destruction and animals - all of them. He also likes music, mangas and peyoung yakisoba. He didn’t like the cold and jokes that he couldn’t understand. And most important of it all and very different from the first impression some people might have about him, Keisuke hated to be alone.

It was an important detail about him and it was one of the things that Chifuyu was most proud of knowing, it was a secret he enjoyed keeping. He doubted Baji knew this about himself or at least that he would ever admit it for someone else. From Chifuyu’s perspective, it was one of those details about yourself that you didn't realize until someone mentioned it to you and he was sure that no one would ever say that Keisuke felt lonely, not when he had a big group of friends, a gang and a whole division working for him and under him, following his orders, and also by the countless girls that would whisper about him in the school corridors.

But Chifuyu could see it, he could see him. 

By the way Baji tried to do things for himself and how he would rather die instead of asking for help from the others. By the way he was always apologizing to Chifuyu when he would put them in a dangerous position with other gangs, not that Chifuyu cares, he would jump in whatever fight that was necessary if Baji asked him too.

Even if those acts might seem like the opposite, he still could see the truth behind it.

At first, Chifuyu thought this behavior was because he was an only child, Chifuyu was one too so he could relate to it sometimes, but it didn’t seem so simple. 

Chifuyu didn’t hesitate in accepting going home with Baji the first time they met and all the other times his captain had asked him to. He never gave much thought about the first time they met, but looking back, maybe he had fallen for Baji at the first sight. He just wanted to keep him the closest he could and to know everything about him, to memorize it to the point he would know it even if his eyes are closed. 

This was important to him because Chifuyu never knew when someone would show up and steal Baji away from him.

But this was something he had come to be at peace with now, given the amount of letters from girls he had already been asked to deliver to Keisuke. Chifuyu couldn’t deny that he hated receiving those and that he wouldn’t understand it either. Why ask him to do such a thing? If they are too scared of giving him the letters themself, why would they want to date Baji? He understood that Keisuke had created a reputation for himself, being a great fighter and well, trouble, in general. But Baji wasn’t a monster and he had never treated a girl badly in his life, far from it even. 

Even so, Chifuyu did try to deliver one of those letters to Keisuke a few years ago. He remembered how nervous and inexplicably angry about it he felt and how Baji looked at the letter then at Chifuyu as if asking “What the hell am I supposed to do with this?”

But before he really asked, Chifuyu just said, bluntly, “Sumire, class A. He asked me to give it to you.”

Keisuke looked at the name in the letter and then dismissed it, looking extremely uninterested.

“Not interested,” Baji answered him, looking away like this matter wasn’t important for him at all.

“And what am I supposed to do with this, then?”

“You can throw it away for all I care,” Keisuke told him in his normal tone.

“Just like that? Won’t you even read it?”

To be really honest, Chifuyu didn't understand at first the reaction he had himself. Baji not wanting to receive the letter should have sparked a sense of relief within him, but along with that it had also triggered his curiosity.

“I won’t change my mind, so why bother?”

“Someone put effort in this, Baji-san!”

Ah, Chifuyu thought, I can’t help but relate to her.

“Do you really want me to read it?” Keisuke asked, lifting his head from the table and looking directly at Chifuyu.

It’s true that every time Keisuke did such a gesture, Chifuyu felt like he wouldn’t breathe and it was like his captain knew. Like he knew that all the air would escape Chifuyu’s lungs and the rest of the world suddenly didn’t exist. Chifuyu couldn’t answer that question. He just wouldn’t.

“Do as you wish, Baji-san,” Chifuyu said, almost pouting, knowing that it didn’t matter what his answer would be, Baji Keisuke would always just do whatever he wanted to like always.

Baji dismissed the letter again with a simple gesture of his hand and laid his head back on the school desk. 

“What am I supposed to do with this then, Baji-san?” Chifuyu signed.

“Throw away or whatever,” Keisuke said and just by his tone, Chifuyu knew he was putting an end to that conversation, “Next time, don't let them use you as a homing pigeon. You should follow my orders only and not anyone else.”

Keisuke's gaze on him had darkened and Chifuyu couldn't say what exactly had triggered that reaction. At that moment Keisuke seemed to be talking with him like his captain and not his friend, this wasn’t something uncommon. Even though it was a trivial matter about his personal life, Baji did seem to be annoyed. 

“You’re right, Baji-san,” Chifuyu told him and his captain finally seemed satisfied with his answer.

Nevertheless, it wasn’t what Chifuyu did the next time it happened. What he did was definitely something terrible and wrong. He didn't know how to deal with it all and the guilt. Of course, Chifuyu didn't tell any of the girls what Keisuke told him, because how could he do this? He won’t break anyone’s heart in Baji’s name. Instead, he received every single one of those letters and he simply didn't deliver them.

It was cruel. Chifuyu didn’t like to do this type of thing, but again, what other choice did he have?

Baji had no interest in love letters. Well,  as far as Chifuyu knew, he had no interest in romance at all and those were his exact words, not Chifuyu’s. 

But the problem was Chifuyu didn't know how to tell this to all the girls who asked him to deliver their love letters to Keisuke - or to speak well of them to him. So instead of seeing Keisuke just put the letters aside, Chifuyu decided to keep those letters and put them inside a box hidden in his wardrobe.

He wouldn't read them, this was a fundamental rule for it to work and for the guilty not to eat him alive anymore than it was already doing. Those letters weren't for him to read and it would be disrespectful. 

Well, the whole situation was disrespectful already, but this was the least he could do. He wouldn't hand them over to Baji just yet and if one day Keisuke showed any type of interest, Chifuyu would hand all of them over to him. He must. As his friend and as someone who only wants him to be happy.

But later Chifuyu had to admit to himself that seeing how uninterested Keisuke had been about the letters was a bucket of cold water on him. Not because he thought Baji was a monster for rejecting reading the letters, it was his choice if he was reading it or not. But just like those girls, Chifuyu was also in love with him. But unlike those delicate girls, Chifuyu was a boy. 

What would be of him if he confessed? Chifuyu didn’t think he could handle Baji looking at him with such an uninterested look. 

So he couldn’t confesse, the risk of losing Keisuke was too much for him to pay. 

He just wouldn’t.

-

To learn to live with this feeling wasn’t as hard as Chifuyu thought it would be, far from it, really. Loving Baji Keisuke and to be in love with him was the easiest thing Chifuyu ever did. It came so natural for him that it was like breathing. 

But to keep it a secret, that was tough.

Chifuyu felt like he would be able to do anything if he knew that at the end of the day Baji would still be by his side, even if just as a friend. 

Therefore it was bearable that the letters didn’t stop coming, but at least it wasn't that often anymore. And thank be God it wasn’t every week and neither was it every month, but they still would come to Chifuyu, he would still receive them and still keep them, because he didn’t know what else to do.

One day when they were going home together, something unfortunate happened in front of him. Somewhere in the school, a girl he didn’t even know who it was chose someone else to deliver a letter to Baji. 

When the boy announced he had a letter to deliver to Baji, Chifuyu did everything in his power to not drop his backpack on the ground and run away from there.

He could feel his heart in his mouth in a mixture of despair, guilt and pain.

But Keisuke's answer was direct and blunt as always, “Ah? A letter? I’m not interested.” 

And he could have stopped there, but no.

“Why would I accept a letter from someone who can’t even handle it for me in person?”

Chifuyu's eyes widened at that comment, but he figured it made sense. Baji could be difficult to deal with and most girls avoided giving him the letters in person. He must want someone to be his equal in a relationship and someone who knows how to handle him in ways that other people wouldn’t understand. 

He can’t help but wonder what type of person Baji would fall for.

But luckily he didn't have time to get hurt by that thought, because before the boy with the letter could answer, Keisuke was already walking and pulling Chifuyu by the arm.

It was in part a relief to Chifuyu's conscience. A little voice in the back of his head said that keeping the letters was an act of kindness, since Keisuke wouldn't read or be interested in them. But another voice continued to warn him, time or another that could turn against him. But this last voice Chifuyu chose to ignore.

-

It was a fact that had already been established, Baji Keisuke likes to see things burn. Be it a car, a motorcycle or the uniform of any rival gang that disrespect him, but Chifuyu would like to add one more option to this pile of ashes created by him: their dinner. 

It was one of those rare nights that they didn’t have anything to do, no Toman meeting and no First Division reunion, just both of them at night with nothing to do and nothing to eat, not even their traditional peyoung yakisoba.

But hey, they did have some eggs! 

So Chifuyu supposed they should be able to make at least an omelet, a tamagoyaki, to be exact, because it was his favorite and Keisuke had said he wanted to learn.

It was a terrible idea that unfortunately Chifuyu only realized when it was too late and Baji was yelling his name.

“Chifuyu! Chifuyu!” When he looked in the direction of the voice calling him, Chifuyu just saw the high heat in the frying pan. And by high heat, he means high fire, “I think I did something wrong.” Keisuke had the audacity to say.

Chifuyu stared at him in bewilderment as he ran towards the stove to turn it off, “Oh, you fucking think, Baji-san?” 

He wouldn’t believe it, he just has to turn his back on Baji for half a second. 

With his right hand he turned the stove knob off.

Then he threw the first kitchen towel he saw in front of him into the sink and wet it quickly then wrung it out, then tossed it on top of the frying pan.

"Damn, Fuyu" Keisuke was watching him looking both impressed and worried, "Where did you learn to do this?"

He needed a few seconds to focus on the present moment.

The flames somehow seemed to have sparked memories that Chifuyu had long avoided thinking about, which was for the best.

“Well, someone has to, you fucking pyromaniac!” Chifuyu responded immediately due to the adrenaline rush of running and putting out a future fire, but Keisuke seemed to understand clearly that he was just joking. 

The older boy chuckled, “I don’t even know what this word means.”

It was Chifuyu's turn to laugh.

"It's someone who likes to set things on fire," He explained. It wasn't the exact definition, but Keisuke would understand the principle.

“You may be right,” Keisuke said to him with a smirk on his face, the type of smirk he usually does when he's keeping a secret. How was this a secret for anyone? Since when Chifuyu met him, everyone knew he liked to set things on fire.

“Just don’t kill us while doing so, Baji-san.”

 “I can’t promise you this.” 

I know, Chifuyu thought, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he said, “Let’s clean it before Ryoko-san comes back.”

“Wait, I will call her and ask for her to bring us food,” Baji suggested and Chifuyu looked at him in disbelief again that night.

“All of this and you could just have called her from the beginning?” Chifuyu asked.

“Sure, I guess.”

“Really, Baji-san,” Keisuke left the kitchen to call his mother on the landline.

You are really lucky I like you, Baji-san.

-

When Baji's mother arrived with food for them, the three gathered in the living room, with Baji and Chifuyu sitting on the floor watching television while she made herself comfortable on the sofa.

Ryoko brought three portions of peyoung yakisoba, one for each, according to her. Which should have been logical since there were three of them, but while they were preparing to eat, Keisuke opened only one and handed the chopsticks to Chifuyu. 

Chifuyu could only smile at what that gesture meant. He didn’t remember when this became a thing between them, but once again, they would share that same portion and then they would share the second one too. But this wasn’t logical at all, yet he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

This was a little tradition they had created with each other, the act of sharing food it always meant to be an act of love, or at least Chifuyu liked to think so, and it really made it taste even better for him. And of course, he liked that it was something Baji only did with him. But still, Chifuyu wasn't delusional to the point of thinking that Keisuke did that because he liked him, he knew it was because they were good friends only. 

And because of that Chifuyu would do his best to deserve every second of Keisuke's kindness, he would be the best friend in the world to be able to deserve it.

Ryoko didn't continue with them for the second portion, she got up claiming she had to wake up early the next day and also asked them not to go to bed so late. But it didn't take long for both boys to find themselves in Keisuke's room getting ready for bed.

It wasn’t often that Chifuyu slept at Keisuke's house, at least not at night, most of the time when he slept there, it was in the afternoons. When they’d ended up napping together on the bedroom floor after a long study session. But because they lived so close, Chifuyu had no excuses to sleep there. And even when he did spend the night, they normally talked until dawn, so there’s no sleeping at all.

That's why Chifuyu feels so out of place when he comes out of the bathroom wearing his night clothes, shorts and a white shirt too big for him, and realizes that Keisuke is already in his bed.

He looks around and notices that Keisuke has left a sheet on top of the shelf closest to the bathroom. As Chifuyu unfolds the sheet to place on the floor, Baji puts down the manga he was reading and glares at him, "What are you doing?"

“Getting ready for bed?” Chifuyu said, but it sounds like a question.

“On the floor?”

“Where else?” Chifuyu's question makes Baji sound crazy, because this is what he is feeling inside. Chifuyu was about to go insane.

“Here” Baji taps the bed twice, “With me.”

"It's a single bed, Baji-san," Chifuyu established this as a fact.

"We can fit," It sounds so obvious the way he says it. They do fit in there, but not without touching each other, not without Chifuyu feeling so close to Baji that he will be able to feel his warmth and listen to his breathing, and, no. Chifuyu won’t survive until morning.

"I can just sleep on the floor" He tried again to save the little of the dignity that he still has.

"C'mon here already, Chifuyu," Keisuke’s voice sounds tired and serious like he doesn’t want to keep arguing about this and Chifuyu is just too weak for him, “Please.”

For a second Chifuyu even thought that Keisuke was asking that as his captain, but no, that wasn’t his ‘commander’ voice. The ‘please’ let this clear. But even if it’s not a captain's order, Chifuyu goes and lays down next to Baji, in Baji’s bed, in Baji’s room.

Baji moves closer to the wall so he can have more room for Chifuyu to lie down next to him. Only the lamp light illuminates the room and Chifuyu is tempted to turn it off so that Keisuke doesn't see the way his cheeks are flushed now, but he doesn't, he thinks it would be much worse if he didn't see where he was laying down.

Chifuyu tries to lay down on the bed gently, so he doesn’t bother Baji too much when they are sleeping. Just the act of existing so close to each other was enough to set Chifuyu's brain on fire all night. 

What a terrible idea, he should have insisted on lying on the floor, now, with Keisuke's body heat so close to his body, Chifuyu didn't feel like he could sleep a wink that night.

Even his breathing didn't seem to be normal, even with Chifuyu trying hard to make it as smooth as possible, he felt that soon he wouldn't be able to breathe. And all that, with his back turned to Keisuke and not the front.

If Chifuyu turned to face Keisuke right now, he might die.

He felt his captain move, but since he couldn't see him, Chifuyu didn't know if Keisuke had just turned his back on him as well.

“You never told me, you know,” Keisuke's voice ran through not only his auditory system, but his entire body. 

Chifuyu was sure he had felt his breath on his neck and it had to be the universe's sick joke.

“What?” Chifuyu forced this word out of his mouth.

“How did you know what to do in a fire situation,” It didn’t sound like a question, but Chifuyu knew he wanted an answer. 

The best option for Chifuyu was to struggle to find an answer, anything that would make his mind focus on something other than Keisuke and his body, that are so close to his. Why was he so close?

“Ah” Chifuyu remembered, it wasn't a comfortable memory “Do you really want to know? It’s not something crazy or heroic.”

It was one of those memories that had aged like milk out of the fridge. It didn't become something unpleasant for him right away, but with time and the understanding of some things, it had become a painful memory.

“Duh, why else would I ask?” That was just Baji’s curiosity, speaking louder than anything.

But even so, Chifuyu felt like he should just tell him. Maybe it was time for him to speak about it out loud, maybe if he did this, it wouldn’t hurt so much in the future. But he wouldn’t do it without a warning, “It’s not a nice story, Baji-san.”

“I can handle it,” Oh , Chifuyu knew he could. He just wasn’t sure about himself.

“Ok, you win, Baji-san.” 

He would do anything to not overthink this moment, even reopen some old wounds.

Chifuyu took his sweet time to gather his thoughts about what happened that day, it was always difficult to find the exact moment at which to begin a story. But if this had made Baji anxious, he didn’t mention it. He just stayed there waiting for Chifuyu to speak again.

“I already told you that, but my father died when I was very younger” Chifuyu need to point this out for context, he didn’t want to be misinterpreted, “and my mother, well, she was an adult already, but she was still so young when it happens and I didn’t realize it at the time, but now, when I look back to those days I can see it clear, but when I was a child, I don’t know- I just thought it was normal, I guess?”

It wasn't a comfortable memory at all. Chifuyu wasn't able to stop moving his fingers as he spoke and unraveled that story for Baji.

Chifuyu hadn't even gotten to the explanation part or what happened and he already felt his throat tighten, he was already biting his lips to keep the tears from falling.

Maybe he should have just closed his eyes and ignored Baji's question. But who did Chifuyu want to fool? He would have answered Baji even if he was actually sleeping.

“My mother was grieving for most of my childhood. Some days were good, in fact, most days were good, but sometimes there were the bad days and because of that I sort of learned how to take care of her without knowing that I was doing that. There are days that I would wake her up and tell her that I was going to school and that I had made her breakfast and other days that I would be back home and the house was flooded because she forgot the bathtub faucet turned on and things like this, it wasn’t often, but it happened” The words just keep getting out of Chifuyu’s mouth without a filter and he had thousands of exemples to give, but he decided to keep telling the story.

“But I don’t blame her, you know? She did what she could and she was the best mother I could have asked. But there was this day, that I woke up in the middle of an afternoon nap and.” Chifuyu stopped.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to keep going,” Just with Keisuke's interruption, Chifuyu could tell that his voice had already changed. He had a crying voice, maybe he was already crying at that exact moment and he didn't know. Chifuyu was grateful he had his back to Baji, he didn't want the other boy to see him crying over a memory like that.

“No, I want to,” Now that he had begun to tell the story, Chifuyu felt he needed to finish, but only because it was Baji, “I trust you, Baji-san.” 

“I woke up in the middle of an afternoon nap and she was looking at the stove and the fire was so high already, and I don’t know if she didn’t realize because her head was somewhere else or if the pain was so much that she wanted to- I don’t know. I just- I guess I pushed her away from the stove and I turned it off, but the smell was too strong, so I called the firefighters and they said to check the stove regulator and throw a wet kitchen cloth over the pan, to avoid the risk of fire arising again. That was it, I remember everything about that day, pretty depressing, right?”

All the words came out of Chifuyu's mouth in a hurry, when he finished, it looked like he had said it all without pausing for breath.

“Fuck, Chifuyu” Baji said to him and Chifuyu had the terrible thought that he may have overshared and that now he had ruin the moment and probably their night, and fuck. “You can’t say something like this and expect me not to hold you.”

Chifuyu couldn't tell if Keisuke moved closer or if he just pulled him closer, but the next thing he knew, his back was against Baji's body. And his head rested on his arm.

This was even worse than before, but Chifuyu didn't have any strength to fight back (and he didn't even want that). As a consequence, Chifuyu also didn't have the strength to freak out internally, he just accepted Baji's embrace.

"I feel like I'm never going to be enough. I keep thinking that I wanted to do more, that I wanted to be stronger enough to help her, but I wasn’t enough to take care of my mother too and I couldn't do shit to help her and-” 

I am scared that I won’t be enough for you, Chifuyu thinks, but he stops himself from saying it.

“Fuck, Fuyu, you know I can’t comfort someone not even to save a life.” 

Chifuyu immediately turned to Baji, still not breaking out of his embrace, “You don’t need to say anything, Baji-san!”

“There you go,” Baji uses his free hand to wipe the tears from Chifuyu's face, “Don’t go easy on me just because I’m bad with words, damn it. I want to be able to comfort you like you comfort me, it’s only fair.”

“It’s okay now, Baji-san.”

“Listen, I’m not allowing anyone to talk bad about my vice captain, not even you, you hear me? I got a reputation to keep, you are a great son for your mother and you are more than a great for me, you got that? You are more than fucking enough, so don’t fucking cry.”

Despite doing this often, Chifuyu didn't want to contradict Baji at the moment. He didn't know he needed to hear those words so much until that moment, even if he still didn't believe in it 100%, he believed in Baji. His words carried unparalleled weight for Chifuyu.

He would hold those words close to his heart for a long time, maybe forever.

“Ok, Baji-san. I’m going to believe in you,”

“You better, Chifuyu.”

“But we really need to improve your comforting skills, Baji-san,” Chifuyu said, already smiling at Baji, “You can’t comfort someone, threatening this person.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Baji tried to sound offended, but the raised corner of his mouth gave him away, “It’s not like I’m going to comfort anyone else.”

Chifuyu wanted that to be true, as selfish as that was. But he couldn't fool himself, not when he knew that one day, eventually, Keisuke would be comforting someone else and having someone else with him in his bed.

But Chifuyu would allow himself to have that moment, he would engrave it in his brain as the cave paintings were forever engraved on the walls of caves and he would never allow himself to forget that at least once, Keisuke had comforted and held him during the night.

That was enough. It has to be.

-

Chapter Text

CHAPTER 2

When the next morning came, neither Baji nor Chifuyu talked about this matter and they didn’t talk about it in the next week, neither did they talk in the next month or next year or any time soon and for now, Chifuyu was grateful for that. 

While for them, nothing seemed to have changed and Chifuyu really preferred it that way too, he didn't want Keisuke to see him as too weak or too sensitive because of what he told him and he didn't want that to make him treat him differently. They just continued to be as they always were and for now, that was enough for Chifuyu too.

They continued to go to school together, then to go back home together. Chifuyu continued to go to Toman meetings as a passenger on Baji's motorbike, Goki, while he still didn't have the money to buy one for himself. 

And Chifuyu still receives the letters destined for Baji, it's not a ridiculous amount, but it's considerable. Chifuyu isn't that blinded by love yet and so he knows that technically speaking Baji isn't the hottest guy in school, but he was a solid top five, especially after he stopped wearing those glasses and started letting his hair down during the classes.

So Chifuyu had 3 new letters ready to be placed at the bottom of the wardrobe and for that, he wasn't grateful at all.

He had already thought of writing something as well and hiding it among the pile of letters he was keeping for Baji. "Keeping" was a way of saying, if Chifuyu put a letter written by him to Baji in there, he would have to get rid of this pile as soon as possible.

But it didn't matter, Chifuyu tried to convince himself, it didn't matter because they should continue to just be them. 

They continued to hang out with just the two of them and they also hung out when they were accompanied by other people, whether it was a member of the first division or one of the founding members of Toman, like especially Kazutora. Or rather, Kazutora was the most common among the options above.

Kazutora was Keisuke's best friend.  An undeniable fact that Chifuyu has learned to live with. And Kazutora’s position in Baji’s life was as clear as day to Chifuyu since the very first time he met Baji and even if his captain hadn't told him, he would still be able to see it.

Chifuyu had no reason to compete with Kazutora, be it for Baji's affections or for his position and no matter how much Kazutora teased him about it at first, their silly competition soon ceased. Chifuyu couldn’t really explain how it happened, having no idea if he just got used to him or if Kazutora just had gotten bored with it and let it go, but anyway, it didn't last long and Chifuyu was graceful for this too. 

He always attributed the turbulent beginning of their relationship to their level of insecurity. If it weren't for that, perhaps their relationship would take a different shape.

Yet, he couldn’t risk saying they are best friends right now too. But it’s not like they weren't close, they just didn't have a harmonious relationship like Chifuyu had with Baji but also it was nothing like his relationship with Ryusei. And when the three of them were together, it seemed like the worst idea anyone could have.

People mistakenly thought that Chifuyu was the voice of reason among the three or that he was smarter than the two of them, but this was incorrect. In fact, he thought it was the opposite, being surrounded by Baji and Kazutora only made him more reckless. But he does admit that sometimes - and just sometimes, he stopped them just because he doesn’t think he wants to go to juvie any time soon. 

It was also liberating to know that the craziest thought that crossed his mind was a normal thought in their heads. 

Chifuyu also appreciated their creativity in getting into different problems, he sure wouldn't be that creative on his own. He just didn't appreciate it as much when that creativity turned into bruises on his face.

But one thing was unusual, Kazutora showing up at his door before a Toman meeting and demanding his company. And whether or not Chifuyu was sitting at their study table with a pen in hand ready to write a letter addressed to Keisuke, that wasn't the case.

Truth be told, if Chifuyu needs to hide a body in the middle of the night, Kazutora would definitely be one of his first options. Chifuyu just never considered that he would also be one of Kazutora's choice, because from the expression he had on his faces, that's what they were going to do.

Which raised many questions, but one in particular stood out in Chifuyu's mind, why me?

“What did you do?” Chifuyu asked, having no other way to start this conversation. 

He was standing still from the door of his house, it’s been not even a second since he just realized that Kazutora was there too standing in front of him like he was about to commit a crime. Soon Chifuyu noticed that he wasn’t wearing a Toman uniform just yet and that shouldn’t ring a bell, it wouldn’t ring a bell if Chifuyu knew Kazutora a little bit less, because neither was Chifuyu wearing one since the meeting was about 1 hour later, but yet.

“Why are you assuming I did something?” Kazutora had the audacity to sound indignant, but again, as annoying as it was, Chifuyu knows him well and this visit is certainly not good news.

“Didn’t you?”

“Can you just come with me without asking questions?” Kazutora asked him.

It didn’t really sound like a request, it sounded more like a need and Chifuyu was only getting more and more concerned.

“Why would I?” Chifuyu asked, just to be annoying.

He had already made up his mind after all.

“Because I’m asking?” Kazutora looked both nervous and about to lose his temper, which was kind of rare if Chifuyu thinks about it, “C’mon Chifuyu, it will be fun.” 

Kazutora's idea of fun normally would involve some broken bones. Chifuyu just really expects it to not be his.

“Is Baji-san coming?” He asked even if he already knew the answer for his own question. 

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m asking you,” Kazutora said simply, “Come with me, why should you always follow him anyway? Let's get ourselves free tonight, Chifuyu.”

“Because he is my captain! That's why I’m always following him. '' Chifuyu got more defensive than he should have at that insinuation, as if Kazutora was insinuating anything, which may be right or not. It was difficult to tell when Kazutora really meant something or if he was just teasing Chifuyu, but if he had to take a wild guess now, he would say that Kazutora just seemed to be too nervous to joke about it.

“Sure, whatever you say. So?” Or whatever it was, Kazutora decided to step back. A good decision if he really wants Chifuyu to go with him.

“I’ll warn him,” Chifuyu tells him.

“It’s not necessary, I already handle it,” Kazutora made a dispersing hand gesture.

“You sure?”

That sure sounded strange, because if Kazutora needed help and Baji was aware of it, there was nothing in heaven or hell to stop him from being there. Yet.

Something was off, but Chifuyu would give Kazutora the benefit of the doubt this time.

“Yeah, so, let’s go.”

Weird.

Chifuyu followed him, probably, for an imminent death.

At least he wouldn't get any more letters for Baji in his coffin.

-

Essentially Chifuyu knew little about Kazutora, he knew about how restless and annoying he was, he knew some of his mannerisms and how impulsive and fearless he was. But Chifuyu had no idea what was going on in Kazutora's mind, he couldn't read it like Baji's and even his thoughts didn't seem as crystalline as his captain's.

Another thing about Kazutora was that he didn't really talk about his family, but bits and pieces that he spoke about them was enough for Chifuyu to know that they didn't get along so well. Keisuke had once let it slip that Kazutora's relationship with the family had been worse and even though it wasn't perfect now, it was better than nothing.

Another thing Chifuyu knew from the other members of Toman was that Kazutora used to be shy when he first met the founding members, but he didn't have that clear image in his mind, as in his experience Kazutora was overly communicative.

And that prior knowledge of Kazutora was one of the reasons why Chifuyu found his behavior strange that night. 

Kazutora was too quiet, deadly quiet and that usually meant trouble.

When they got off the bike after spending the ride in silence, Chifuyu said, "Where's your vice captain?"

"I don't have a vice captain, you know that," Kazutora looked different and he sounded different too. He wasn’t using his playful annoying tone that he always uses when he is talking to Chifuyu, instead he looked dead serious now, like a whole new person.

"Maybe you should get one," Chifuyu isn’t saying this because he doesn’t like following Kazutora around, but because he thinks that he may need one, really. 

This was a recurring topic between Toman founding members, Mikey had already hinted at it with the kind of subtlety that only he possessed, announcing that the spot was empty in front of all of Toman during a meeting. Which resulted in an argument and a very angry Keisuke with the situation. Despite having Toman on Kazutora's side, Chifuyu knew he agreed with Mikey, just like Mitsuya, Draken and Pah-chin did.

Chifuyu agreed with Takemichi, he had told him once that they should just let Kazutora be Kazutora and that did seem right. Except now, maybe the idea of Toman's fourth division having a vice captain didn't seem so bad after all and worse than that, it made sense.

"I don't need one," Yet, this is the answer Chifuyu gets. 

"Well, this is obviously a lie,” Chifuyu pointed out, “Or why else would I be here?"

"Because I appreciate your annoying personality," He answered, almost sounding like a normal Kazutora.

"Because you need a vice captain! Just admit it!" 

“I don’t fucking need-” Kazutora sound annoyed. Good. "Then just be my fucking vice captain for the night, okay?" Chifuyu sighed, but didn't disagree. He did have a soft spot for Kazutora, it wasn't like what he had for Baji and he would never admit it out loud, but he knew it was there.

“What are we going to do?”

“In my neighborhood there's a bunch of these high school brats, they're attacking and taking money from women who are coming back with groceries from the market. They attacked one of my mother's acquaintances-”

Oh, so this is what all of it is about. This was Kazutora’s way of taking care of his mother, Chifuyu was glad he had come with him now, “Alright, let’s crush them, Kazutora-kun.”

“That’s the spirit, Chifuyu.” 

If it was Baji with him tonight, he would ruffle Chifuyu's hair and smile. 

But it was Kazutora, he didn't do any of those things. Instead, they waited in a dark alley where the nearest streetlight barely reached. And Kazutora didn't give him any instructions other than 'fight' when they appeared.

The boy with the tiger tattoo wanted to wait until they were sure they were going to attack someone, if something went wrong, Kazutora didn't want problems with the police for now. It became evident to them when the guys started to follow a lady carrying the shopping bags.

Kazutora placed his hand on top of his shoulder and started to lower his fingers in a countdown. At zero, he attacked and Chifuyu watched his rear.

Not because he didn't want to fight, but because someone had to keep an eye on the lady who was going to be attacked to make sure she got out of there safely. Chifuyu had a feeling that was the reason Kazutora had called him, he was perfectly capable of dealing with a gang of amateur muggers, but he needed someone to guarantee the safety of the one he wanted to protect. That was probably the reason he went to Chifuyu and not Baji, the first division captain had a similar fighting style to Kazutora, they hardly saw their surroundings while fighting and despite being gentle, Baji wouldn’t ignore a fight where one of his friends might get hurt.

But Chifuyu was different, he just had to trust that Kazutora would be able to handle them while he helped and picked up the lady's shopping bag from the floor and gave it back to her, telling the woman to get out of there as quickly as possible and indicating the most enlightened path for her and then returned to the fight. Because he had the luxury of being distracted for a few minutes, Chifuyu took a straight and accurate hook to his face, he felt the fist hit his face in slow motion and the pain immediately became present.

Chifuyu fought four guys while Kazutora finished cleaning the faces of the other six guys on the asphalt. He finished before Kazutora and left to stop him from hitting the guy in front of him even more, the guy already appeared unconscious and the last thing the two needed was more trouble.

Fortunately, Kazutora heard him and they walked out of there to a convenience store where Kazutora bought two bottles of water, ice and some bandages. He threw the bag at Chifuyu and then studied his face.

“Fuck,” Kazutora complained, “Baji is going to fucking kill me.”

You tell me.

“I thought you had it handled,” Chifuyu answered him. If he was okay with that, then there was no need to worry about Baji.

“Yeah, I asked Mitsuya to tell him I had borrowed his vice captain, not that I would return him falling in pieces,” Kazutora told him. So it was worse than Kazutora had let on, not only had he not called Baji. He hadn't called any of the founding members.

“Why didn’t you call Baji-san?”

“Keisuke-kun would overdo it and they would want retaliation,” Kazutora explained, “You know when to stop, Baji just has way too much fun fighting to know when it’s enough.”

“Like you,” Chifuyu answered and Kazutora only glared at him for a while, but didn't deny it, “You’re a good son, Kazutora-kun.”

“Ha? What are you talking about, idiot?” Kazutora looked away, but Chifuyu could also be beyond what he wanted to show. He just wasn't going to push him.

Keisuke found Kazutora and Chifuyu before they thought about finding him. 

The black haired boy showed up on a motorbike at the convenience store they were at and he was still wearing Toman's uniform, Chifuyu couldn't tell if that meant the meeting was over and Baji had decided to go after him or if his captain didn't even go there.

But one thing Chifuyu could say for sure was that Keisuke didn't look happy at all. 

He looked fucking pissed.

Keisuke walked towards him with heavy steps and as if his body was smoking, he had a hostile expression on his face, the one in which his brows are furrowed and no smile seems to have ever crossed his mind. It's one of those facial expressions that could bring destruction to the world.

That expression was best known to rival gangs and Chifuyu had only become aware of it by the amount of times he paid attention to Baji in a fight. It caused a big impression on the opponents and it was no different with them, Chifuyu immediately got on his feet while Kazutora swore under his breath beside him.

“I can explain!” Kazutora said before Baji could ask anything, which Chifuyu wasn’t sure if it was the best way to start a conversation.

“You better! The fuck happened to my vice captain’s face?” Baji sounded menacing, but they both knew that wasn't exactly his intention. 

Someone who didn't know Baji might get the wrong impression about his way of speaking, but not them.

Chifuyu took a while to understand that Keisuke was talking about him and his injuries. Honestly, he didn't think they were that bad, but he must have been wrong for Keisuke to have reacted that way.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Kazutora said with both arms stretched out over the chairs beside him.

“It’s not as bad as it seems,” Chifuyu tried to explain at the same time.

“The fuck, Chifuyu? How did you get here?” Keisuke was staring at him steadily.

“Kazutora-kun show up at my door!” He yelled like it would explain everything.

“Who did this to you?” He had already eliminated the distance between them and was now right in front of Chifuyu, brushing the ice off his face and analyzing.

“It was already handled,” Chifuyu was avoiding eye contact for some reason he couldn’t explain.

He looked away from Chifuyu and glared at Kazutora, “I should just have handled them myself. Why didn’t you come to me, Kazutora?”

Kazutora stood up before answering and he stood beside Chifuyu, “Chifuyu is better at calculating damages.”

Although the situation had nothing to do with Toman, proof of that was Kazutora not going to face the guys in the gang's uniform, he and Baji seemed to be arguing as if it were a meeting.

It was true that both of the captains beside and in front of Chifuyu despite always arguing about silly topics, they hardly ever actually fought.

“Oh, fuck that. What is this supposed to mean?”

“That I would do a better job stopping Kazutora if I need to,” Chifuyu said before Kazutora gave an answer that would only make the situation worse.

“I could stop Kazutora myself!” Keisuke insisted.

“Yeah, you could, but would you?” Chifuyu knew the answer for this was no.

Kazutora was leaning against the table while Baji was standing and looking furious, Chifuyu stepped between the two of them. He knew neither of them wanted to fight, but he didn't trust either of them not to.

Both were unpredictable, especially when they were hot headed.

It was rare for Chifuyu to face Baji in this way, but it still happened because it was unavoidable, sometimes he needed to get Baji's attention somehow to avoid further conflict.

“Hey, Baji-san” Chifuyu grabbed Baji's sleeve making his captain look at him, “We already solved it.”

He knew Baji was angry, he knew why, but nothing would be resolved if he and Kazutora decided to fight at the convenience store. Due to the adrenaline from the previous fight, he knew that Kazutora would fight without a second thought since it was obvious that he wasn't satisfied with just throwing a few punches at those guys.

Baji, on the other hand, would buy any fight that appeared at the time precisely because he had not participated in the previous fight.

But Chifuyu knew both of them well enough to know that they would regret it before they threw the first punch, but they would still see it through to the end.

Fortunately, Baji listened to him.

“Get on the passenger seat, Chifuyu. Let’s go home,” His captain said and then turned to leave, expecting Chifuyu to follow.

With Baji already at the convenience store door, Chifuyu turned to Kazutora and said, "You know he's not mad at you, right?"

"I know, Chifuyu." Kazutora calmed him down, "Just go soothe your beast, tomorrow we'll sort it out.”

-

Just as the way there had been silent with Kazutora, the way back home had been silent with Baji. Chifuyu was curious to know if that was Baji giving him the cold shoulder because he was mad at him for not letting him know he wasn't going to the meeting.

Chifuyu spent the entire way back home apprehensive and without a word from Baji to clear his thoughts, he couldn't help but overthink the situation. Should he apologize for missing the meeting? Chifuyu normally could read Baji like an open book, but right now, it looked like he was trying hard to be indecipherable to Chifuyu and he didn't like the situation one bit.

As soon as they arrived in front of the apartment building where they both lived, when he got off the motorcycle, Chifuyu immediately bowed to apologize, but Baji didn't even notice him, he just continued walking with heavy steps towards the building's stairs, Chifuyu had to run to keep up with his steps.

“Baji-san, can you stop ignoring me?” Chifuyu asked, a bit annoyed.

“I’m not.” 

Liar.

He wasn’t even looking at Chifuyu right now, as they walked up the stairs.

“No, you just walked past me, I’m trying to apologize here!”

Keisuke didn't answer him, instead he chose to stay in silence and Chifuyu didn't know what to do or say. He stopped walking as soon as they reached the third floor, but Baji continued to climb.

Did that mean they wouldn't talk until tomorrow too? Chifuyu wondered, but Baji stopped on the steps before he completely disappeared from Chifuyu's sight and said, "What are you doing standing there? Come on up."

Chifuyu was not proud of the way his whole face lightened up to his words. Yet, he followed Baji up the stairs to his house and then to his room. Ryoko spoke to them as soon as they entered the house, but she soon noticed the heavy atmosphere between them and didn't say much after that.

Once again, he found himself thinking about what Kazutora said about calming the beast, his beast, by the way, but he won’t give much thought to this part. And apparently, it seems like he had just ended up in the lions' den without batting an eyelid.

The silent treatment was definitely horrible, especially when it involved Chifuyu being silent as well. He was used to talking a lot even when Keisuke wasn’t really in the mood for talking, but now he just didn't feel like he could risk it.

So, he did the only thing he could, Chifuyu sat on Baji's bed and waited. For what? Neither did he know.

But soon Baji appeared with a first-aid kit in hand. He had already seen that box several times due to the constant fights between Toman and other gangs, it wasn’t really something new for him, but it still took him by surprise.

He can only think that his injury didn't look that bad when he saw it in the reflection of the window of the convenience store, but he maybe should check it again if it’s making Baji do all of this for him.

Chifuyu tried to get things out of the first aid box, but his captain stopped him by muttering a "I'll do it" low enough for Chifuyu to barely hear because he was close.

Chifuyu's hands slowly moved away from the first aid box. Slowly, almost in slow motion, this was how this moment seemed to pass before Chifuyu's eyes. He avoided eye contact the entire time Keisuke was inflicting the wound. It was somehow surprising how light and soft his touch could feel against his skin, even though he could feel the calluses on Baji's hands – due to the many fights, and the weight training he did with Draken.

“Baji-san-” Chifuyu whispers, only because he doesn't feel the need to speak any louder.

Keisuke at least looks at him now. 

“I don’t like when you do things behind my back,” His captain finally spoke. 

“I’m sorry, Baji-san. I know I should have warned you, but Kazutora-”

“And I don’t like that he didn’t come to me and I don’t like that you are hurt,” Chifuyu could see how hard it was for Baji to let those getting out of his mouth, the older boy seemed to be in a fight with himself as he speaks, “I don’t like feeling this weak.”

Chifuyu's entire body trembles at those words, because it tastes like everything he's ever dreamed of, but it's not like that. He doesn't like Baji feeling that way.

“You’re not weak, Baji-san!” Chifuyu could listen silently to anything bad people said about him, but he would never tolerate someone talking like that about Baji, not even if it was Baji himself talking, “This ain’t about it! You could totally end those guys, but this wasn’t what Kazutora-kun wanted to do, he just wanted to scare them off, that’s why he called me, not you.”

“Kazutora was right in going after you, I know how I handle those things,” Keisuke admits, “ But I want to be able to protect my friends, I want to be strong enough so I don’t bother you. ”

This was bad. The way Chifuyu’s heart was beating was really bad. If he didn’t know any better, he would definitely ask to go to the hospital.  And here he thought he couldn’t be more in love with Baji than he already is. 

He feels like he’s melting at those words, because it didn't matter if Baji would never return his feelings. Chifuyu was satisfied with just being his friend, he knew how much Baji valued his friends and their connection.

He was such a great person and he had such a big heart. 

How could Chifuyu not be in love with him?

"You're already strong, Baji-san" Chifuyu said gently to him, "You don't have to worry about that and I also don't mind that you 'bother' me about anything, I want you to. I want to be by your side no matter what."

In Chifuyu’s mouth, all of those words tasted like confessing. In fact, he felt like this might be the closest Chifuyu would come to confessing his feelings to Baji in his entire life and he wasn’t sad about it. Despite not wanting to confess his romantic feelings for his captain, Chifuyu needed Baji to know at least part of it, at least a little bit about Chifuyu's feelings for him.

“If I was stronger here,” Baji points at his head, “You wouldn’t be hurt right now.”

“You're already strong in here,” Chifuyu placed his hands on top of Baji's chest, under the palm of his hand, he could feel his heart beating. As vivid and energetic as it should be.

“On my chest?”

“In you fucking heart, Baji-san!” Chifuyu took his hand away immediately and blushed, looking away from Baji.

“I get it, Fuyu” Baji finally laughs at him and Chifuyu feels like he can breathe again, “Just tell me next time, damn it. And don’t follow orders from other captains like this too.”

“But it was Kazutora-kun!” Chifuyu defended himself. Keisuke never had a problem with him following Kazutora before - probably because Chifuyu’s idea of following Kazutora was different from following Baji, but still.

“Damn right, it 's was ‘Kazutora-kun’,” Keisuke said mimicking Chifuyu’s voice.

“I don’t speak like this!” Chifuyu complained.

At least now he understood Keisuke's reaction, he should have noticed earlier. Baji always wanted to do what he could to help his friends, not being asked to help Kazutora, his best friend, must have upset him. And Chifuyu not telling him should have just added to it.

Baji was just a boy who loved his friends too much and wanted to do too much for them, Chifuyu loved him for being like that. (And every day it got harder to hide it).

-

It was not a surprise when Chifuyu became ill a few days after the incident. Not that his immune system was that weak, but over the course of days, he had been feeling a sudden flu and instead of doing something about it, Chifuyu just ignored it as if nothing was happening.

Chifuyu was good at taking care of others, especially since he was good at taking care of himself. Since he was little, in order not to worry or become another burden for his mother, Chifuyu did his best not to get sick and when that happened, he did everything possible to solve it himself.

There were few times that his mother had to worry about it. He ate well and took his vitamins on time, he always dressed warmly on cold days and rarely forgot his umbrella on rainy days.

He also made a point of always reminding his mother to do the same, leaving the vitamins on the table with water and a note. And before going out, he always reminded her to bring an umbrella or to dress for the weather. Chifuyu wanted his mother to feel that someone was looking out for her, even if his father was gone. He wanted to be able to take care of her as well as his father would if he was still there.

It was difficult to live up to a man as good as his father, but Chifuyu was doing the best he could.

He also made an effort to pass this on to his other relationships.

Especially after he met Baji. Chifuyu not only felt the uncontrollable urge to be by Baji's side in fights or among friends, he also wanted to be able to take care of Keisuke. And all of his other friends too, but with Baji it was a little different, Chifuyu suppose that was one of the consequences of being in love.

That morning, Chifuyu fought tooth and nail to get out of bed as soon as his alarm clock went off - which could have just been any other day, but his body felt heavier than usual and his throat felt as dry as the desert. Still, he chose to ignore all those signs and move through the house. His mother was already up and breakfast looked like it was almost ready.

"Good morning," Chifuyu's mother greeted him as soon as she saw him, then her face was taken over by a worried expression, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Chifuyu replied even though it wasn't true. He felt like a bus had hit him, but he could buy medicine on the way to school. There was no need to worry his mother about something like that.

"Ah?" His mother approached, not believing Chifuyu's words at all, taking a good look at her son's face, she touched his face, first his cheeks and then his forehead "Chifuyu! You're burning with fever!"

"I'm fine," Chifuyu told her, without moving from the position he was in, "I'll buy some medicine on the way to school."

"School?" His mother asked, sounding indignant, "You won't go to school like that! I forbid it!"

"Forbid me to go to school?"

"Clearly!" His mother announced, "You should have told me earlier - I'll buy the medicine and you can borrow the stuff from one of your friends,"

"Mom, there's no need," Chifuyu tried to convince her, "I can go buy it by myself!"

"No, you can't! You're going to stay at home, in your room. I'm going to the pharmacy."

That was why Chifuyu almost never told him when he was sick, his mother was amazing and would drop everything for him, but she didn't have to. He could take care of himself.

Defeated, Chifuyu gave up and went back to bed. It wasn't a difficult mission to go back to sleep, as his body seemed to beg for rest and his eyes felt too heavy to remain open any longer. He was also so cold that only covering up didn't seem to be enough.

Chifuyu is awakened with an icy cloth on his forehead. He doesn't know how long he slept, if it was all morning or if he just napped for a few minutes until his mother returned from the pharmacy, but it's not his mother's brown hair that he sees when he opens his eyes. Still with his vision blurred, what he sees with difficulty due to the sudden clarity are long black hair, a pair of naturally arched eyebrows and reddish brown eyes.

He must have slept all day or else he's dreaming, because would he recognize those eyes anywhere and he’s sure Baji is supposed to be at school now.

“Baji-san-”, He tried to say it, but his voice was too hoarse and his throat hurt.

“Chifuyu!” Baji appeared much closer to Chifuyu with a glass of water in hand, "Here, drink it!"

Having no other option besides obeying his order, Chifuyu sits on the bed to drink the water and even that hurts, "I slept all day? What are you doing here?"

“What do you think I'm doing here, dumbass?” Baji is sitting on the edge of his bed holding the cold cloth that was previously against Chifuyu's forehead, “It’s still morning, I’m taking care of you.”

“What about the classes?” Chifuyu asks, the last thing he wants is for Baji to miss classes because of him, it's enough to have troubled his mother, Chifuyu doesn't want to trouble his captain either, “You shouldn’t be here.”

“No shit, Chifuyu,” Baji told him, after helping him lay down again.

“You should be in class, I’m really fine, Baji-san” Chifuyu said to him and Baji just glared at him, almost looking angry.

“The hell you’re fine,” Baji accused him, “I’m taking care of you, obviously. School can wait.”

“But Baji-san-”

“No ‘buts’, Chifuyu. I’m your captain, so listen to me” Baji told him looking proud of himself, he would have rolled his eyes if he had the energy for it, “You are always taking care of me, let me take care of you too, ok?”

Chifuyu doesn't know if it's the medication or the fever, or if it's all of those together, but Keisuke's eyes appear so kind and full of affection in front of him, that he doesn't have the strength to fight back, to insist once again that it's not nothing else. So he just closes his eyes and falls asleep again.

Still intoxicated with sleep, Chifuyu remains in limbo, not fully awake, but aware of the things around him. He sleeps and wakes up several times in this state and every time Baji is still on his side, sitting on the floor on his bed with Peke J on his lap.

At least Baji is with Peke J and neither of them alone, Chifuyu thinks before going back to sleep.

Once again he wakes up and this time he's alone in the room, Peke J stares at him in a curious way from on top of the manga shelf.

From his bed he can hear voices coming from outside his room, maybe from the kitchen. Chifuyu deduces that his mother must have come back and found Baji there when he was supposed to be at school, probably she is scolding him.

Chifuyu decides that he has to step up to Baji's defense, he wouldn't have skipped school if it weren't for Chifuyu falling ill. Still, before he headed towards the living room, Chifuyu faced his study table, the notebook still open to the page he was going to use to write the letter to Baji. The idea now seemed ridiculous, there was nothing written on the paper but his captain's name, but even that was dangerous enough to make Chifuyu's cheeks flush.

He ripped the page out of the notebook only to crumple it up and throw it in the trash.

It was too risky.

Near the door, Chifuyu needs to brace his whole body against the wall so that his knee doesn't give out and he falls to the ground.

Before leaving the room he sees Baji bowing.

It must be worse than I thought if Baji needed to apologize so formally, he thinks.

"Chifuyu has been taking care of me all this time. Please allow me to take care of him too. He always gives me his best, I will do my best by taking care of him too!"

Does Baji have any idea of what he is saying, of what this could sound like? If it was Chifuyu listening, any other person would have the wrong idea of it.

Chifuyu feels that his fever may have risen even more from those words. He knew that Baji meant well, but one day all that kindness would still kill Chifuyu.

His thoughts are interrupted by the loud, booming "Meow" by Peke J that comes out beside Chifuyu in the doorway. Immediately four eyes are set on top of them and then Baji and his mother are surrounding him and guiding him back to bed.

Then Chifuyu remembers what he wanted to do. He wanted to defend Baji.

"Mom, don't scold Baji-san. He just skipped class because he was worried." About me.

The thought suddenly warms Chifuyu's cheeks again, so he forces himself to remember that Baji is like that. A good friend down to the last fiber of his bone.

"I wasn't scolding him, Chifuyu."

"Worry about yourself, Fuyu." Baji said delicately.

Maybe he was still dreaming or close to it, that would explain why Baji seemed so delicate when talking to him now and nothing like the bossy figure Chifuyu had seen the night before.

Maybe that's why he lets himself be convinced by this half-real, half-imaginary Baji, that's why he lets him take him back to his room and make him comfortable in his bed.

Maybe that's why Chifuyu sleeps right away and the next time he wakes up and feels much better. Keisuke is still in his room, the real Keisuke is sleeping on a makeshift bed on the floor with Peke J by his side

That little traitor. He thinks with an affectionate smile on his face.

Chifuyu sits on the bed and grabs the nearest sheet to cover Baji.

Stupid, he thinks, you can't take care of me if you don't take care of yourself first.

How ironic , he corrected himself, I did exactly the same thing.

- 

Chifuyu didn't write the letter to Keisuke the way he had planned, maybe it was for the best.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER 3

Once Chifuyu returned to school, the letters returned with him. 

Chifuyu felt like a drug dealer hiding drugs from the police, except that the drugs were letters to Keisuke and the police, well, that was obvious.

He tried not to care much about it and to become apathetic to them, but Chifuyu wasn’t a good liar and he couldn’t fool himself, especially not when he's such a hopeless romantic, it was in his nature. 

But the truth, the undeniable truth, was that he couldn’t help but relate in some way with all the girls who asked him to deliver those letters. Not when he was also in love with Baji. It's obvious that he understands them, Chifuyu even thought that was what made them trust him with such letters, because even if they didn't know it, to some degree, it was obvious that Chifuyu understood them.

Sometimes Chifuyu found himself admiring them, because he also wanted to be able to share his feelings freely, but his situation was different from theirs. He had been condemned by his proximity and he couldn't risk that much, he couldn’t risk losing it.

The price to be paid was too high for him.

All because Chifuyu had the chance that none of them had, he had seen the Baji that almost no one saw, the one who fed stray cats and set fire to cars in an extremely short period of time. Who was obsessed with animals and sometimes, out of nowhere, would blurt out random facts about whales. Chifuyu thought it was impossible for someone to know all these sides of Baji and not fall in love with him and Chifuyu was only human, of course he would be hostage to that feeling.

And over the course of the week, something curious happened or at least something oddly enough to Chifuyu to find it extremely distressing with a scream he couldn't let go.

Chifuyu's class ran a little late due to a class vote. Baji usually waited for him when that happened and vice versa, but most of the time Chifuyu didn't like to keep him waiting. As soon as the voting was over, Chifuyu saw himself running to the schoolyard where Baji usually waited for him, but stopped before being seen by him.

Baji was talking to a girl with blonde hair, probably from a different class since Chifuyu had never seen her before.

Chifuyu has an immediate idea of what is going on and doesn't like it one bit. 

He just knew he shouldn't be watching the scene and the feeling of guilt that he is so used to by now comes back to haunt him again, but this time around he's started and he just can’t make himself stop. 

He can't turn around and walk away no matter how much he wants to, how much he knows he should. 

Chifuyu has a feeling that this has the potential to break his heart, the wiser choice it would be to leave, but again, he can’t make himself move and he can't hear either what they're saying, but he doesn't have to, because their body language speaks volumes. 

The girl is blushing as she talks to Baji. She's avoiding his gaze and Chifuyu knows exactly what she must be feeling and what it's like to feel that way – he was almost professional at feeling that at this point.

Baji had once said that he didn't want someone who could even confess face to face and that calmed Chifuyu down a bit, but now, now someone had actually tried and Baji could finally say 'yes' to someone.

He wanted to bury himself at that very first sight of it.

"What do you think they're talking about?" A voice behind Chifuyu makes him jump.

He turned to face the owner of the voice even though he would have already recognized it without it.

Ryusei Sato was a member of a rival gang and an unusual friend for anyone to have, somehow he befriended Baji and by extension Chifuyu as well although they were always arguing, Chifuyu couldn't deny that they were friends.

"Why would I know?" Chifuyu tried hard to sound disinterested.

"You seemed so interested in watching, I thought you were trying to lip read," Ryusei, because he was Ryusei, said just to tease.

Chifuyu ended up losing focus from the other people's conversation in the same way he was about to lose his temper with him. As much as it pained him to admit it, the truth was that Ryusei was an extremely tall guy and could be seen by anyone. It was a surprise Baji hadn't noticed they were there yet.

"Oh, fuck. Get down!" Chifuyu pulled him down.

Ryusei gave him an evil smile and that was all Chifuyu had to warn of.

No fucking way.

"Baji-kun!" Ryusei yelled from where they were standing and pulled Chifuyu to walk beside him, putting his arms around Chifuyu's shoulders, "We're ready to go!"

Without noticing, Chifuyu had made himself look smaller next to Ryusei and he could only hope Baji wouldn't notice how devastatingly broken he felt at that moment.

Baji analyzed them with a look that turned from confusion to irritation in seconds. Chifuyu could only think that he didn't appreciate being interrupted and fuck, he didn’t want to be there. 

The girl who was talking to Baji bowed in thanks and ran away with her face down, the girl was clearly blushing even harder even if Chifuyu couldn't even look her in the face as she shot past him like a rocket.

At this exact same instant, Baji's eyes had landed on Chifuyu, as if he expected him to say something. What could Chifuyu say at that moment that wouldn't make him cry in front of his captain?

Lucky for him, Ryusei was talkative enough that he could easily go unnoticed.

“Who is the girl?” Ryusei asked.

“Just some random girl-” Baji replied to Ryusei without taking his eyes from Chifuyu, "What took you so long?" He asked Chifuyu, still looking annoyed.

"We were having a poll for our science fair project," He managed to say.

"And Ryusei was in your class?" 

Such an odd question.

"Ryusei is here and you can ask him, well, me" Ryusei said using his free hand to point to himself, "We just met in the hall, you freak."

Chifuyu had to look up to watch Ryusei, but he didn't meet his gaze. Instead, he seemed to stare at Keisuke more intensely than usual. But he had to admit that for some reason, Ryusei had lied to Baji on Chifuyu’s behalf and that he was thankful for it. 

“Are you coming with us?” Baji asked him.

“And risk creating a gang conflict? No fucking way, I just wanted to see Chifuyu.”

The situation between Toman and Yotsuya Kaidan was stable, but not without conflict. A few years ago, the first division had clashed with Ryusei's gang, but luckily, the conflict hadn't been that serious. And with the first division plus Kazutora's help - which shouldn't be there, but he was bored, they had won easily, but Yotsuya Kaidan hadn't been absorbed by Toman - they would never bow and Baji didn't want them there either.

What was done was the peace agreement. There was an unspoken line that couldn't be crossed and that was best for everyone.

Unfortunately it meant Ryusei couldn't be seen with Baji. Chifuyu didn't know if the rule extended to him, but he had bypassed it several times to hang out with Ryusei, mostly in neutral areas.

“Well, you just saw him, so you can let go now,” Those weren't the words Chifuyu expected to come out of Baji's mouth now.

“Relax, man” Ryusei said, taking his arm from Chifuyu's shoulders and lifting them up in surrender, “Just kidding, I’m waiting for Kojiro, he said he would pass by.”

“How is he?” Baji asked and switched places with Chifuyu to talk to Ryusei.

“Same old, same old” Ryusei replied, sounding bored, "I'm starting to get tired of this gang thing, but he likes it, so…"

Chifuyu was quite happy that Ryusei was able to keep Baji entertained with conversation while he recovered from what he had just witnessed. Keisuke didn't even want to answer who that girl was, but Chifuyu didn't need to know who she was, her intention was obvious.

But Chifuyu would never hate someone for it, not when he knew exactly what she saw in Baji.

As much as it hurt him, when the time came Chifuyu would ignore his feelings and tell Baji to go ahead with whoever he chose to date. He just hoped he had more time before he felt that searing pain.

-

As the days went by, Baji didn't mention the blonde girl from the other day, not even once, which was really fine for Chifuyu. Really. It was extremely positive for him to not listen to Baji speaking about the girl ever again. Of course he didn't expect Baji to tell him everything that happened in his life, no when Chifuyu didn’t do the same thing himself, but he thought that if someone had confessed to Baji, it was at least worth mentioning.

But Chifuyu couldn't blame Baji for that either, he admitted that he had been acting strange the last few days and maybe that was why Baji hadn't said anything, to spare him.

It was one of the reasons Chifuyu's mind was off during the Toman meeting, he was in his rightful place beside Baji as his vice captain while Mikey spoke. Despite the undeniable charisma of the captain of the Toman, Chifuyu couldn't say a single word that came out of Mikey's mouth that night. He screamed when everyone else screamed and bowed when it felt like the right thing to do.

Baji had held his arms during the meeting and asked him with a look if everything was alright, to which Chifuyu just nodded.

At the end of the meeting, Chifuyu sat on the steps of the park while waiting for the meeting between the captains of the Toman to end. With him, Hakkai, Inui and Koko were still waiting. Despite being vice captain of the second division, Hakkai was waiting for his brother Taiju to come home.

Inui and Koko must have been expecting Taiju too since at least one of them should be his vice-captain, except they never agreed on who.

"Maybe you should switch positions," Hakkai suggested, sitting next to Chifuyu with a can of soda in hand.

"Oh?" Inui said, as if he'd stepped on his toes, "I'm clearly stronger, the job should be mine!"

"Muscle is not the only requirement of the job, it also takes intelligence and I think we all agree when I say that I am the most qualified" Koko explained simply while gesturing with his hands.

"Are you saying I'm stupid?"

"No, dear. I'm saying that in comparison-" Koko said in such a passive tone it was weird to listen.

"That I'm dumb in comparison?"

"Inui, dear-"

Chifuyu had heard that conversation at least 50 times and it always ended the same way, with them fighting and making up in seconds. Chifuyu didn't feel that they were really fighting for the vacancy, or it would be much worse, but they both liked to tease each other, it was kind of their way of flirting.

No one even blinked an eye when Koko called Inui 'dear', not even Taiju anymore. It was already part of their routine, whatever their relationship was.

"You've just restarted a war," Chifuyu said.

"And I already regretted it," Hakkai answered, "Now I'm going to listen to this same topic until I get home."

"You could go with Mitsuya-kun." He suggested.

"If I did,Taiju was going to complain afterwards, 'who's your brother, me or Mitsuya?' he would say" Hakkai replied after doing his best Taiju imitation possible, "It doesn't make sense."

"Maybe you should come to meetings on your own motorcycle," Inui interrupted his debate with Koko to comment.

Chifuyu knew that Hakkai had bought his own bike, but he rarely rode it, probably because with a brother in the gang and Mitsuya as his captain he almost never needed to. That was the case with Chifuyu, as he and Baji moved out of the same apartment complex, he never had to worry about it.

But maybe, Inui was right and it was time for Chifuyu to get his own motorcycle and stop bothering Baji about it.

"Shouldn't Koko do the same?" Hakkai directly asked Inui.

Koko always came with Inui too, in fact it was even rarer to see them apart.

"Koko doesn't have to," Inui said, sounding way too proud.

"Like Chifuyu and Baji, the passenger seat on Inui's bike is mine," Koko explained and Chifuyu blushed at being used as an example for this.

Everyone had noticed, right? If Chifuyu had noticed his surroundings, everyone must have done the same.

"And it's also a matter of public health, I wouldn't trust Koko with a motorcycle," Inui said, it was a well known fact too that Koko didn't drive because he had a bad sight.

"Are you saying I don't know how to drive?"

"But, Koko, you don't know how to drive!"

Chifuyu laughed, it was always interesting to see their cat and dog dynamic. They were inseparable and he appreciated that the loyalty to someone was something essential for him.

That's why Toman was so special to everyone there, some bonds came from before the group and others were created together with the group, but anyway, Toman had strengthened those bonds to the point that Chifuyu thought they could be unbreakable.

For all the days to come and whatever the future of them all was, Chifuyu felt that he would always have something in common with all the members of Toman.

“Hakkai!” Mitsuya called for his vice captain at the same time Taiju called for his brother.

“Chifuyu! Let's go home” And Baji called out to him.

That’s how things are.

Chifuyu said goodbye to Hakkai and ran towards Baji.

-

Riding home on the passenger side of Baji's motorbike. Chifuyu enjoyed this habit as much as he enjoyed all the others, sharing food, feeding stray cats, and even the way they slept in the same bed when they were together. All those little habits, little details and pieces of them were special and made Chifuyu feel important in Baji's life. He didn't like to think that one day he would lose it all, that one day Baji would realize that he wanted to do all those things with someone else.

But maybe it was better to prepare for it, so that in the future it wouldn't hurt so much. Perhaps buying a motorbike would be a good place to start.

And yet again, just when Chifuyu was thinking about creating a small distance between them just to protect his poor heart, Baji asked him, "Can you sleep at my house tonight?"

He was a hypocrite, but how could he say no to that?

Chifuyu answered him with the biggest smile on his face, "Yes, Baji-san."

Once they arrived at Baji's house, Chifuyu took off his shoes and greeted Ryoko. Due to the time he spent with Baji at his house, Chifuyu no longer needed to carry changes of clothes, there were already enough of his clothes among Baji's for him to have his own drawer in his captain's room.

At first, Chifuyu's mother worried about the sudden disappearance of some clothes, but even though Chifuyu didn't know where his clothes were, Baji seemed to know well.

Because the situation happened at Chifuyu's house too, his mother didn't worry so much and luckily the two mothers seemed to be friends - interestingly, Chifuyu found out that they actually met before he even met Baji.

The vice captain of the first division followed Ryoko into the kitchen like he followed Baji's commands into a fight - not as well as he should have, but still useful. Meanwhile, Baji was putting cat food in his room.

Peke J was already with them - the cat had come through the window just after Chifuyu arrived. It was funny to see the two Peke J’s pots in the middle of the living room at Baji's house, the pots were identical to the ones in Chifuyu's house, not least because they had bought them together at the same pet shop. These pots were exclusive to Peke J only, and although in theory the cat belonged to Chifuyu, it was as much his as it was Baji's.

Chifuyu wasn't as good in the kitchen as expected, he could get by and survive, but he wasn't confident about the taste of food, so watching Ryoko cook he was impressed.

"Pass me the salt, Chifuyu," Ryoko asked.

Alright, that was something he could do.

"Yes, Ryoko-san" Chifuyu bowed and ran to get the salt.

"You don't have to be so formal, dear. You're already part of the family" It wasn't the first time Ryoko had said something like that, but it always made Chifuyu embarrassed.

He liked the idea of being part of Baji's family, but not for the reasons Ryoko might imagine.

"I already told him that! But he won't listen, this stubborn idiot," Baji said as he emerged from his room dressed in his night clothes. Baggy shorts and a baggy black shirt with a white skull in the middle.

"This is your fault, Keisuke!" Baji's mother said pointing the spatula at him, "Treat Chifuyu better so he doesn't feel like he needs to be so fit!"

"Baji-san already treats me very well, Ryoko-san!" Chifuyu immediately took a stand on the subject and Ryoko looked at him as if he had no help.

"See what I have to deal with?" Keisuke said to Ryoko, "Like I said, stubborn!"

"Baji-san!"

"It's okay, Chifuyu," Ryoko soothed him, "You're cute so you're forgiven. Isn't it, Keisuke?"

Baji nodded his head excitedly but didn't say anything. Instead, he went to play with Peke J who was lying on the living room floor.

They had dinner in front of the television as usual, although they weren't eating the traditional peyoung yakisoba that they always shared, Baji and Chifuyu still shared the meal despite having no need to do so.

Ryoko watched them with a funny look, Chifuyu wondered if in an alternate reality, where Baji returned his feelings, if she would accept him as Baji's partner and lover. It was a useless thought, one that only served Chifuyu to remind him of what he would never have, but I liked to think that yes, she would approve of it.

This time, as he prepares for bed, Chifuyu already knows that he's going to sleep next to Baji that night, in the same bed sharing the same space. He doesn't even bother pretending to go to the ground to spare Baji the scowl he would get if he noticed this, instead he puts on his night clothes and lays down comfortably next to Keisuke. This time, Chifuyu had time to prepare, but still, he couldn't help his heart from beating fast having Keisuke by his side so close.

Chifuyu wonders if he'll ever get used to the feeling. If he's ever going to look at Baji and his heart isn't going to race like he's in a fight.

Despite Chifuyu being the person with the most reason to stay awake, Keisuke doesn't stop moving beside him. 

“Baji-san, are you comfortable?” Chifuyu asked, “I can move aside if you want to.”

“No,” Baji said right away, “The problem is that you’re not closer enough.”

“Oh.”

Keisuke made himself comfortable behind Chifuyu, pulling his vice captain's body a little closer to him.

Chifuyu's mind always went haywire when Baji did that, but Chifuyu wouldn't push him away – of course not, not when it was all he could have.

"Baji-san, what do you think about me buying a motorbike?" Chifuyu brings up the thought that had been bothering him all the way home.

"Why?" It's the only word that comes out of Baji's mouth.

"I don't want to keep bothering you all the time."

There is a pause. Bigger than a period and certainly bigger than a comma.

Chifuyu doesn't like these pauses.

"Do as you wish," Baji tells him.

Chifuyu has the impression that Keisuke's answer was too dry. In fact, he knows it was.

They are silent for a second and Baji's arm rests under Chifuyu's body. Which was suffocating for their feelings in general, but with that awkward silence between them it was even worse.

Chifuyu wants to say something, but doesn't know if Baji is already asleep. Every time he slept there since that first night, he always slept with his body facing the room, somehow it helped him sleep without thinking too much about sleeping, and only sleeping, in bed with Baji.

Keisuke's arm makes a move to move away from Chifuyu, and as a reflex, he stops it by intertwining his fingers with Baji's.

May he be sleeping, may he be sleeping, may he be sleeping.

“Chifuyu” Baji whispered his name. There's something about the way Baji always says his name that makes his whole body shiver. Right now it isn’t different, but still, it’s even worse to hide it.

“Yeah?” 

“You don’t bother me” He said using the words Chifuyu has used before, “Buy your fucking motocycle if you want to, but I like driving you around, you don’t bother me.”

Ah, so this is what that silence was about.

Chifuyu wants to laugh, because Baji it’s so unbelievably sweet that he can’t handle it sometimes. 

Chifuyu lets go of Baji's hand despite his captain's murmurs of complaint, he has to let go so he can turn and face Baji.

Which is honestly his worst decision of the night. Baji looks so cute and comfortable, with his black hair spread out over part of the pillow and his eyes staring directly at Chifuyu.

What a terrible choice for his heart indeed.

"It won't be now, I just thought about that earlier because of what Koko and Inui said. I still need to get a part-time job and save money, but I really didn't want to bother you all the time. Baji-san" Chifuyu tries his best to speak his mind as he always does. 

“Are we having this talk because of Koko and Inui? Since when do you hear Koko or Inui? They don’t know shit. And like I said, you don’t bother me.”

“Ok, Baji-san, you can drive me around as much as you like,” Chifuyu jokes.

“Good,” He just doesn’t expect Baji to agree, maybe he’s too sleepy too, “Is it too much?”

Baji doesn’t look at Chifuyu when he asks this, which honestly is hard work since they are so close to each other. And Chifuyu had no idea what Baji means.

“What?”

“Me, I mean-” Baji looked at Chifuyu with glassy eyes, “Being with me, all the time. Is it too much for you?”

“No, Baji-san, not at all” He denied immediately. Baji is insane if he thinks this is a possibility, “Sometimes I even feel like I need more, like it’s not enough, all the time we have-”

Chifuyu explains himself excessively because he doesn't want Baji to misunderstand him, but he knows that's not the case. Keisuke read it as much as Chifuyu did, their connection was reciprocal in that sense.

“I feel that too,” Baji answered him, “That’s the reason I asked, I keep spending more and more time with you and I didn’t know if you wanted that too.”

“I do! I really do,”

“Ok.”

“Fine”

“Let’s sleep now, Baji-san”

“Wait, I want to try something.”

“What?”

“Can you sleep facing me? Like, not facing but here-,” Baji moves, giving Chifuyu space to turn towards him, “Use my arm as your pillow.”

Chifuyu tries to control his breathing. He tries to control his heartbeat. And he just tries to control himself.

Because of that he doesn't say a word as he turns towards Keisuke. Being in front of him was difficult enough under normal circumstances, but sharing the same bed and sharing the same warmth, Chifuyu felt like he could die at any moment.

He tucked Keisuke's arm between the crook of his neck, so hopefully his captain's arm wouldn't hurt so much in the morning.

“Can you?” Baji asks again and only then does Chifuyu realize he hasn't said anything yet.

He deserves an answer, even if Chifuyu was already completely reduced to his request. Because Chifuyu also usually needed answers, clear, direct and objective answers, preferably without room for interpretation.

“Yeah, I can, Baji-san,” Chifuyu responds to him.

-

Chifuyu wakes up in Baji 's arm.

It shouldn’t be that comfortable. 

Or that warm. 

And it shouldn't feel that right.

Because right now Chifuyu doesn’t think he wants to be any place else, ever.

It 's unfair. Just like his whole situation with Baji. And the older boy doesn’t help him at all. Asking Chifuyu to sleep in his arms? Who does that? 

And the worst of it all, Chifuyu was just too soft for him. He couldn’t say no, he dreamed of it. For Baji it may be a normal night between friends, but for Chifuyu it is everything he will ever get.

Chifuyu tries his hardest to not keep looking at Baji as he sleeps, as a freak. But it’s difficult, everything in him seems to be somehow attracted to Baji.

He looked away from Baji and observed the room around him, the light coming through the window already indicated that it was day and luckily, they didn't have to go to school that morning. Chifuyu could stay there forever, in the arms of the boy he liked on a lazy Saturday morning.

But nothing this good was true, or would last long.

Chifuyu decided to put an end to his own daydreaming, after all it would lead nowhere but heartbreak.

He tried to disentangle his body from Baji's, but it didn't seem to be possible without some effort. Baji's legs clasped his and his arms held Chifuyu's waist tightly. With a sigh Chifuyu gave up being comforted only by Baji's breath in his ear.

"Where do you think you're going?" Baji said between heavy breaths.

"Did I wake you up? Baji-san, I'm sorry!"

"Sleep, Chifuyu. It's still early." With Baji's husky voice in his ear and his arms holding him tight, there wasn't much Chifuyu could do.

That proposal seemed too tempting to refuse - as did almost every one Baji made.

Chifuyu then didn't fight against sleep or against the gravity that made him always return to Baji's side, he closed his eyes again and let himself be devoured by that warmth and comfort.

The second time Chifuyu woke up, Baji woke up with him. That's because Ryoko had been knocking on their door for a few minutes and as no one answered, she went in to wake them up.

"Keisuke! Chifuyu! It's Saturday, but that doesn't mean you can sleep all morning! Oh my god-" She screamed as the two of them were together on the bed.

It wasn't the first time Ryoko had seen them in the same bed, but Chifuyu knew something was different this time. Visually, anyone who saw them might think otherwise.

Chifuyu immediately tried to sit on the bed, but Baji wouldn't let him. In fact, their captain didn't even seem shaken by the situation.

Was Baji really that bad at reading his surroundings or would just never thinking that he was in bed with another man imply something else?

"Stop screaming! We're already awake!" Baji complained.

"At least pretend to be embarrassed, Keisuke! Poor Chifuyu looks as red as a bell pepper."

"What do I have to be ashamed of? We were just sleeping," Keisuke justified, while Chifuyu huddled further and further into the blanket, "We'll get up soon."

"Come soon or else breakfast will turn into dinner," Ryoko said leaving the room, but leaving the door just ajar.

For God 's sake.

"Chifuyu" Baji called him, "Get off of me, we need to get out before she comes back here again."

"Oh," Chifuyu realized then that he was basically pinning Baji to the bed and released him.

Baji got up from the bed and did his morning ritual, went to the bathroom, splashed some water on his face and tied his hair in a bun and then signaled Chifuyu to do the same.

When Chifuyu finally plucked up the courage to leave Baji's room, his captain was already outside while picking up rice from the pot, he said, "Chifuyu, take a look at the eggs."

Wanting to be helpful and avoiding any questions Ryoko might ask, Chifuyu walked over to the stove and watched the eggs.

He took a quick look at Ryoko who was watching them from the couch and then proceeded to look only at the eggs.

There was nothing strange about it.

Sleeping with Baji, in literal sense, and having breakfast with him, there was nothing weird about it.

"Baji-san, what did you do with the eggs?" Chifuyu asked a little too loudly about the egg situation.

Baji had cracked the eggs and left them in the pan without removing the fallen pieces of shell.

"What did he do now?" Ryoko asked to enter the kitchen and pushed both Baji and Chifuyu away from her stove. "Damn boy. Who taught you to cook like that?"

"You! Who else?" Baji accused her and Ryoko shot him a menacing look.

Ryoko tossed the entire contents of the frying pan into the trash as she glared at the two with a disapproving look.

"What am I going to do with you?" Ryoko asked, "When you're living alone I'll have to go there twice a day to make sure you don't die by accident."

"Or by food poisoning," Chifuyu added.

"You don’t need to worry." Baji told her, "After all, I will have Chifuyu with me."

And this was a statement.

Chifuyu widened his eyes at Baji's suggestion, but remained silent. 

This wasn't something the two of them had talked about before.

"You can't expect Chifuyu to come see you every day after you move out," Ryoko told him.

"I won't have to worry about that." Baji told her resolutely, "I'll take him with me, of course."

Chifuyu could no longer pretend he knew what Baji was talking about, he got stuck in his own saliva at the elder's speech.

Baji approached him, "Are you okay?"

"Give him a glass of water! How do you expect to live with him if you can't even take care of him properly?"

Ryoko poured water into the glass for Chifuyu and handed it to him. Chifuyu drank water under the Baji's watchful gaze on him.

"What a troublesome boy," Ryoko asked, "At least ask Chifuyu before you go telling the four corners that you're moving in together."

"Chifuyu, let's move in together." Baji spoke, it didn't sound like a question at all.

"I said 'ask'" Ryoko said, giving Baji a light pat on the head. "Sorry, Chifuyu. Sometimes he looks like he was raised by savages."

"It was you who created me!" Baji complained, but still turned to Chifuyu and looked him in the eye, "Chifuyu, you're going to live with me, right?"

And that still didn't sound like a question. Just as a statement that Baji hoped Chifuyu would agree with.

The idea seemed distant, but Chifuyu understood now what had happened the night before. If Baji was planning for them to move in together, then that must have been what made him insecure.

Chifuyu smiled at him, "Of course, Baji-san. Let's move in together, you have nothing to worry about, Ryoko-san!"

"Look, Chifuyu, you're the one saying you want this problem in your life."

Chifuyu looked at Baji and didn't see a problem, far from it in fact.

"That's not a problem, Ryoko-san. Not if it's Baji-san."

Chifuyu couldn't see it, but he knew Baji was smiling

-

The idea of living together with Baji had never crossed Chifuyu's mind. In fact, any idea of a remote future for him seemed like a novelty, something yet to be explored, and it was a surprise to realize that Baji had already thought about it.

Well, Chifuyu wasn't sure if Baji had really thought about it or if it was just an impulsive idea he had that morning, but that didn't matter, after all, Chifuyu knew him well enough to know that Baji was hard-headed to the point of never change your mind about it.

He didn't know if he should be happy or sad about this decision, of course the idea of living with Baji seemed like a dream, but still, Chifuyu would go through hell when that dream ended.

But that would be a problem for future Chifuyu to resolve, for now, he could allow himself to be enveloped in that breath of fresh air that was having a plan for the future with Baji.

Despite the approaching winter, outdoor activities at the school were still being maintained. Chifuyu had no problem running with the icy breeze that caressed his skin every time he ran, but he knew Baji was about to get cranky as the cold took hold.

Chifuyu wouldn't say he was the best basketball player in his class, but he sure had a decent performance. He made up for his lack of height with his speed and was always good when he and Baji played on the same team because their captain was tall enough to score baskets effortlessly.

However, it was rare for them to play together. Because they were in opposite classes, most of the time they played on different teams and today was one of those cases. Chifuyu had to admit that playing against Baji made things a little more complicated for him, but he stayed steady enough in the game that no one ever talked about it.

At the end of the game, the captain of the Chifuyu team, Barou, asked him to stay a little later to help collect the balls thrown on the court, which he agreed, he just had to find Baji first to let him know that it would take a little longer than expected for them to leave together. It had been a while since Chifuyu had given up on saying that his captain could leave early if he wanted to, Baji never accepted and always seemed to get irritated by the suggestion.

Chifuyu took his shower in the locker room and waited to find Baji as soon as he left, but when he left the locker room, he didn't find the black haired boy anywhere.

He waited a little longer at the locker room door to see if Baji would come out, but he was unsuccessful. Chifuyu thought that maybe Baji had gone without him, maybe something had happened and he had to leave immediately, which would make sense, but it didn't, because Baji was even more persistent in letting him know if he needed to leave sooner or later than expected.

He decided to go to the court to help the captain of the basketball team to retrieve the balls and then go in search of Baji, but when he got there he did not find Barou. Maybe he was still in the locker room too, so he decided to start guarding the balls himself.

Luckily, the day's ball count hadn't gone above 15 and the court wasn't that big. Chifuyu had already retrieved half of the balls when he finally found Baji. And Barou, for some reason.

The two seemed to be talking near the bleachers, the angle was favorable so that Chifuyu hadn't seen them before. He started to run towards him, but it didn't take him long to notice that Baji didn't seem to be having a normal conversation. Although he isn't close enough to hear their conversation, Baji's body language seemed to scream his dissatisfaction and that made Chifuyu stop.

He wasn't afraid of Baji, but something told him that this was something he wanted to work out on his own. Chifuyu didn't know what the argument was about between them, the game's score had ended in a tie and Baji wasn't competitive in school games. If he had been playing with a Toman member, this reaction would be more understandable, but still.

Chifuyu turned around and went back to collecting balls from the court. He trusted Baji not to get into trouble at school since he had promised his mother that and he always kept his promises.

"Chifuyu!" He hears his name called in the distance and before he even turns around he already knows who it is, "Let's go home."

Keisuke was walking towards him with his backpack on his back and Chifuyu's backpack in his hands. That meant they had to get out of there soon, but Chifuyu still hadn't finished collecting the balls.

"Wait a minute, Baji-san," Chifuyu asked, "There are still a few left..."

"You've done enough," Baji said, "Barou can take care of the rest, right?"

Just then Chifuyu noticed that Barou was a little behind Baji, his shoulders seemed to be hunched as if he had received a scolding, which was not common at all. Chifuyu watched the scene curiously as he wondered whether or not to question what had happened.

"You can go now, Chifuyu," It was Barou's turn to speak.

Chifuyu glared at his classmate and then glared at his captain. It wasn't a difficult choice for him in fact, he had already saved most of the balls anyway. He went to Baji's side and threw the ball he had in his hands towards Barou, who with good reflexes was able to catch it without difficulty.

"Then I'm off," Chifuyu said with a smile as he took the backpack from Baji's hands.

"Thank you, Chifuyu." Barou said, there was something in his voice that also made Chifuyu want to ask what happened, but he wasn't going to do that at least not now.

And it didn't go unnoticed by him that Baji seemed to be quieter than usual and certainly more attentive too, as if he was watching him.

"Likewise," Chifuyu replied, "Let 's go then, Baji-san!"

Chifuyu took a few steps forward and when he noticed that Baji didn't follow, he lightly grabbed his captain's arm. He seemed to be having some kind of silent communication that Chifuyu hadn't been aware of yet, but as soon as he felt his touch on his arm, Keisuke turned and started walking.

-

That moment, like so many others, has been put on hold for a long time. In fact, Baji didn't talk about it on the way home or in the days to come, as whatever had happened there wasn't even worth mentioning and over time, Chifuyu also forgot to ask.

He just remembered it when he saw Barou and the way he seemed to avoid him now. He thought about asking about that too, but the times he was actually alone at school were rare so the thought was lost too.

It's near the end of the year again and Chifuyu felt that the year had flown by, he still remembered celebrating the passing of the previous year on the beach with the other members of Toman and now once again that time of the year was approaching again.

The cold had already established itself as a sad and freezing reality, but despite that, Keisuke still seemed to keep his mood steady. Chifuyu deserved a little credit for that, for his captain's birthday a few months ago he had bought gloves and warm clothes, which he saw Baji often wear whenever they went out.

It was already the afternoon, but not exactly at the end of the day, but Chifuyu and Baji had already given up on going out and decided to stay at Chifuyu's house without doing anything, a lazy day was what they deserved.

After the last demonstration of Baji's talents in the kitchen, Chifuyu decided that he would not allow him there unsupervised indefinitely, which included the exact moment they were. Even if the activity taking place in the kitchen was just heating up the food his mother had brought from the convenience store.

“Go help him, Keisuke-kun,” His mother told Baji and Chifuyu was able to hear it from the kitchen.

“Mom, don’t!” He screamed, “Baji-san can’t cook to save his life.”

“Don’t be dramatic, Fuyu,” Baji told him, “You’re only heating up food, what could I possibly do?”

“I don’t know!” Chifuyu answered, “And I don’t want to figure it out.”

“You can’t forbid me from going to the kitchen forever!”

“But I sure can try!”

“When we move out together, you-”

Chifuyu almost burned his hands when Baji said those words, and even though his social filter was broken, Baji seemed to know he had said something he shouldn't. Because it was one thing to say that in front of Ryoko, as a joke, and another to say it to Chifuyu's mother, or at least with her right there to hear.

The two slowly turned towards Chifuyu's mother as if checking if she had heard what Baji had just said there.

And there she was with her hands on her hips and one eyebrow arched as she waited for an explanation.

Chifuyu didn't think of her as a strict mother, but he had never talked about leaving home either. It was something that would happen, of course, it was the cycle of life after all, but they had never had a conversation about it.

He was getting ready to say something, anything, but nothing came out, not even a laugh to lighten the mood. But Baji was faster than him, so he approached Chifuyu and whispered, "You haven't told her yet?"

And what would there be to tell? They were still in high school, they weren't moving in together anytime soon...

Chifuyu just nodded in agreement.

A fatal mistake, he would say.

"Matsuno-san! Chifuyu and I have decided that we're going to live together-" Baji announced as if speaking that he got a job at a big company.

"After high school," Chifuyu felt the need to add, "When we get jobs and money and stuff."

Baji stared at him with a smile at the corner of his lips. Chifuyu knew that he hadn't thought that far ahead, but that he was grateful that Chifuyu had come to his rescue.

Chifuyu's mother bursts out laughing as if she had never heard anything funnier in her life.

"Ryoko told me about you saying something about that too," She said, bringing her hand closer to her eyes as if to wipe away tears, "I wasn't expecting such a formal announcement."

With that, both of them were left feeling a bit bewildered as they panicked and announced it as if it was a big event. If something like that happened around their friends, they would have to endure teasing for the rest of their days.

"So you allow it?" Baji asked before Chifuyu could think of anything to say.

"Well, I don’t know. Are you asking for permission?" She asked looking a little surprised, Chifuyu was a little surprised too. It was unusual to see Baji asking permission from anyone other than his own mother.

Baji just nodded in agreement.

"Well," She seemed to stop to think, "You have to promise to take good care of him, he's my only child after all. But everything else is up to Chifuyu, if he wants to, he'll do it no matter 

what I say."

"This is not true!" Chifuyu defended himself, though he wasn't completely sure about it, "But I want to." I really want this, Mom , "I really want to live with Baji-san."

"Then I won't object," She said, "But of course, if you want to do all this, then it's important that you study hard so that you can work and have some money of your own. That goes for you too, Baji -kun."

“Right!” Baji agreed way too quickly and Chifuyu had no other choice but to laugh.

“Don't make promises you can't keep, Baji-san" Chifuyu said, already feeling lighter, "Let's eat, the food is ready."

Baji muttered something that Chifuyu wasn't able to hear, but soon followed him to the table. He sat where he usually sat, beside Chifuyu and facing his mother. Meanwhile, Peke J hadn't moved and still looked like she was sleeping on the couch.

Chifuyu liked afternoons like that, afternoons when he could imagine what his life would be like if Baji were in it every day. Well, he kind of was, Chifuyu just didn't know for how long. As more time passed, despite Baji's disinterest in romance, Chifuyu felt like he was counting down to the moment when he would find someone he wanted to spend not just the afternoon with, but his entire life.

He would hold tight to whatever Baji was willing to give him until then.

-

Chapter Text

CHAPTER 4

The new year doesn’t bring as much news as expected, but it’s probably his fault for expecting something. 

The beginning of spring marked the end of the holidays in a poetic way that Chifuyu always liked to follow in the stories he read. However, the reality was different. Because when they returned from vacation this year, school looked exactly the same as before. 

Chifuyu was still hiding in the school hallways afraid of receiving any more letters addressed to Baji, but lucky for him he managed to go unnoticed until the fateful Valentine's Day.

As the date approached, he knew there was no escape or at least he supposed there’s no one. Because Chifuyu could be a bit delusional, but he knew what was waiting for him and more than ever he wanted to be ready for it, so when Ryusei asked him to come to the bookstore on the eve of the date, he just accepted.

It had been a troubled start to the year for Chifuyu, with the return of classes and with even more hectic tempers than usual during Toman meetings, this was something to be expected. It was always difficult to balance classes with conflict between gangs, and now that the mood seemed tense with a rival gang, it wasn't exactly news that he had to work harder than usual to keep up with the average. And the work was doubled when he remembered that he had to do what he could to help Baji too.

He supposed it must be difficult work, but not for him. Chifuyu wouldn't trade it for the world. As long as he could be there to help take some of the weight off Baji's shoulders, he would be there with him.

It wasn’t uncommon for Chifuyu and Ryusei to normally meet at the bookstore because it was the safest neutral place they knew. In case someone recognized them, they could just pretend they had met by chance and with the tense atmosphere between their gangs and that was their best option for now.

Yet, Chifuyu hadn't told Baji where he was going or with whom.

Most of the time he didn't feel the need to do such a thing just like Baji didn't always let him know when he was going out with someone. But in that morning, just in case, he told his mother and if Baji asked, she would tell him.

“Fuyu!” Ryusei screamed his name in the middle of the store, this was somehow part of their alib too. Still, Chifuyu cowered even more and covered his face with the hat he was wearing.

“Don’t be that loud,” Chifuyu warned him, “I don't want to draw attention."

Ryusei stared at him from head to toe for about 10 seconds as if wondering if he was serious.

“Nice shirt,” He said.

Chifuyu hadn't really dressed up to leave the house, he had put the first thing he found in the wardrobe and left. Unfortunately for him, the only clean shirt he had at the moment was one with a rabbit with huge ears in the center.

“Oh, shut up!” 

Chifuyu was already regretting his decision, as Ryusei never failed to innovate in his teasing ways against him. Yet, they were good friends. It was a surprise to Chifuyu and he probably would never admit it out loud, but it is what it is. And there was no lie in the way he almost always agreed to go out when Ryusei called him, so that should have meant something.

Despite this, they still had this in common. Normally, Ryusei preferred to go out for a bite to eat, but the bookshop was still something they had in common, except most of the time Chifuyu went with Baji after class.

Now was the perfect time for him to pick a new manga to start reading.

While Chifuyu was looking for something to attract his attention, Ryusei was keeping him informed, as best he could, of what was going on with his gang.

"So this will be the last time we see each other in a while," Chifuyu concludes.

Ryusei stared at him seriously for a few seconds, the amused and relaxed look completely banished from his expression.

"It's for the best," He just replied and Chifuyu nodded.

He'd half expected it and that had been part of the reason why Chifuyu had agreed to leave that day. That, and to avoid thinking about the avalanche of letters that would possibly land in his hands the next day.

Before Chifuyu could allow himself to sink further into his own mind, Ryusei spoke loud enough to draw a few stares, "Oh, I just found the perfect manga for you."

And when Chifuyu looked up to see what Ryusei had in his hands, he couldn't even read the title, because on the cover was a pair of breasts, the biggest Chifuyu had ever seen even in drawings.

It didn't take half a second for him to feel his cheeks burn from the stares Ryusei had drawn towards them with that scene, he didn't even have time to curse, he just lowered his head as if he wasn't the one Ryusei was talking to and started walking towards the back of the store as fast as you can.

In the background he could hear Ryusei's laughter as all the curses possible for him ran through his head.

Chifuyu kept as much distance as possible from Ryusei for the next half hour, it wasn't an easy task as their whole purpose for being there had been to find each other, but it was what he deserved for the embarrassment he had put Chifuyu through.

When he finally gave up avoiding him, Ryusei already looked less agitated and more serene. Chifuyu had already found something to buy so soon they would be out of shelf options to look at.

Chifuyu only stops again when he notices volume 7 of a manga that Baji was looking for the last time they were there on a shelf. He feels like he's found a gold mine, because what are the chances? It had been two days since they had gone to that same place in search of that same volume.

"I didn't know you liked-" Ryusei started to speak.

"I don't like it," Chifuyu explained, "But Baji-san was looking for that volume."

Chifuyu looked at the manga in his hands and analyzed it to make sure the copy was in good condition.

"There's no hope for you when it comes to Baji-kun," Ryusei commented, but it didn't matter, Chifuyu was really happy to have found this and he would have to take it immediately before it sold out again, "You really should tell him, Chifuyu. I'm sure he did too..."

"Why would I if I can just take the manga with me and give it to him?" Chifuyu asked, confused.

"Hopeless," Ryusei walked off ahead while shaking his head, "Completely hopeless."

-

Outside the bookshop, Chifuyu and Ryusei take opposite paths so as not to arouse suspicion and as he walks Chifuyu couldn't help but think about how ridiculous it all was. If meeting on the sly so as not to cause a conflict seemed too ridiculous even for him, things couldn't be that serious.

He thought about turning around to catch up with Ryusei again, but that wasn't possible.

Before he could get ready, he was pulled back by sheer brute force and in the next instant, there was a hand covering his mouth and a strong smell invaded his nostrils causing him to feel dizzy.

He already knew what came after that.

All Chifuyu could think before passing out was "No, not again."

-

Chifuyu's first thought when he opened his eyes and realized that he was bound hand and foot in a school chair was, "This is bullshit" .

But to be honest he was kind of happy about it, because at least it wasn't a gang like Toman or at this point, he would be naked tied to a chair which seemed to be a lot worse.

The knots also didn't seem to be the best made, but they were certainly very tight and would take some work to undo. In any case, it didn't seem like an unprofessional job, which was to his advantage.

Suddenly, he thought of the bag where the manga they had bought were. It was a stupid thing to worry about, but he really wanted to read that manga and the manga for Baji was there too. 

Those fucking bastards.

Chifuyu's head started to ache, or maybe it had been aching all along and he just realized it now. The pain was intense and came in waves, he also felt it stick to his forehead, what he assumed was blood that had already dried.

How long had he been there? Why did he feel himself getting dizzy again?

Chifuyu closed his eyes as soon as he noticed someone approaching, he was never very good at pretending he was sleeping, his mother always said you could tell by the way he breathed so Chifuyu could only pray that it was convincing enough for him to have any idea what to do.

"Are you sure this is the guy?" Bastard 1 has spoken, “He doesn’t look like…”

Do I look like what, motherfucker?

“I’m sure!” Bastard 2 answered, “He helped the guy with the tigger tattoo on his neck.”

Ah?

“But aren’t we looking for the vice captain of Toman’s first division?” Bastard 1 asked again, “Tiger guy wasn’t from the fourth division? Are you sure this is the guy?”

Chifuyu decided to do something stupid. 

Once he got his feet off his feet and with no plan and not even half of one, but he had to do something, he couldn't sit back and wait.

"I'm Matsuno Chifuyu," He announced and his voice wasn't even half as serious as he wanted it to be, but it would have to do, "Vice Captain of the Toman First Division, and I'm going to make you regret it!"

Nice! That's nice!

The two bastards stared at each other for a few seconds as if they didn't believe him, Chifuyu was getting angry. And only then did he realize they were looking at the bunny shirt he was wearing.

"That has nothing to do with it!" Chifuyu screamed as he flailed his arms to try to break free and fight.

“It’s him!” Bastard 2 persisted, “I remember him!”

Chifuyu was starting to remember them too. It was the bastards that Kazutora had given a lesson to last year, the curious thing was that they also seemed to wear gang uniforms, which Chifuyu was pretty sure Kazutora had mentioned earlier that they weren't a part of.

Chifuyu didn't remember seeing Bastard 1 that day, but he didn't look too convinced and still said, "Well, he'll have to do it."

And well, this guy sure looked like he was in a gang.

He landed a sweeping kick on Chifuyu's legs that made him fall to the ground.

Chifuyu was getting too dizzy to get up and was starting to regret opening his mouth to speak, he should have waited until he had a better plan, or well, just a plan.

There's a foot coming towards him and he can't even dodge it, Chifuyu feels the first kick on his left thigh and he doesn't have a chance to protect himself because his hands are still tied to the chair. The second kick comes higher, a little above the stomach and this one makes Chifuyu regret having spoken at all.

The third kick doesn't reach him.

Chifuyu's eyes were already closed due to the pain, but he struggled to open them again. He wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not, if he had passed out and it was just a hallucination, but he was sure he was seeing Baji Keisuke holding a baseball bat.

Chifuyu closes his eyes again just to open them and be sure that the image in front of him is real, that it's still there.

He decided that he needs to keep his eyes on Baji. 

The irony was his eyes were always on Baji, no matter what was going on, but this time was different, he really needed to do it or else he wouldn’t be able to keep himself awake. 

Ever since the first time they fought side by side, Chifuyu always needed to keep his eyes on Baji. Right now, he was doing the exact same thing. First, because he had a promise to keep to Ryoko and second, because Baji was unpredictable. 

He always fought with a smile on his face and Chifuyu is not going to lie, he loves this about him. But still, protecting Baji always comes first for him, even if his captain himself seemed to be against it. Yet, Chifuyu sometimes decided to be even more unpredictable than Baji, starting fighting against even a single mouth who dares to rise against his captain, he could fight his own gang if necessary, that’s how deep his loyalty to Baji is.

But something that not many people may know is that it was reciprocal, that loyalty. 

Chifuyu feels it in small and big gestures. Because that’s Keisuke’s language, more than words, he values actions. He had learned to be fond of those too.

And right now, Chifuyu thinks he is never going to be able to love someone as much as he does loves Keisuke. He shouldn’t be so sure of that at such a young age, but he had no doubts, he will love Baji forever.

His captain looks wild and deadly fighting with his hair down and one thing that Chifuyu noticed is that he isn’t fighting with his usual smile, no. Baji doesn't look happy about fighting, he looks angry and he hasn't looked in Chifuyu's direction for the last 5 minutes, which is unusual.

They must have pissed him off , Chifuyu thought as he tried to untie himself from the ropes that bound him to the chair.

It wasn't fair that Chifuyu had been kidnapped by these fifth-rate thugs, especially if it meant weakening Toman's first division. He shouldn't have let himself get caught, but against a bottle to the head there wasn't much he could do.

After a few more minutes trying to loosen the knot that tied the ropes, Chifuyu finally managed to free his hand.

But there was nothing more that could be done.

Baji punched non-stop the last of the guys that was still standing, the man didn't move anymore and it was obvious that he wasn't trying to fight anymore, but still Keisuke didn't stop.

Chifuyu was starting to worry and wondering if he should intervene, when Keisuke burst out laughing as he landed the last punch.

At least it felt like a normal fight again.

The captain of the first division got up from the man and tried to wipe the blood on his face, but he was unsuccessful, he only managed to spread more blood around the place.

Panting, he said in a loud, clear voice, "Try to capture my vice captain again and this will look like a joke next to what I'm going to do to you!"

Dramatically, Baji spat the blood in his mouth onto the ground and continued, "Spread it amongst yourselves, the vice captain of the first division is off limits, unless you want a war with Toman!"

Chifuyu doesn't think anyone at Toman would be willing to start a war because of him. In fact, he can hear Mikey laughing in his ear just at that idea, but still, none of it seems to matter.

Chifuyu knows for sure that he has never been more in love.

-

"Thank God" was the first thing he heard when he woke up, Ryoko's voice echoed throughout the house.

His hearing was still working, which was good to know. 

And the other senses too, which was also good news for him, but the sensation of pain was terrible. 

Still Chifuyu felt he should be grateful that his situation wasn't too bad, it had already been worse after minor fights in parking lots.

And oh.

His vision was still perfectly good because he was soon able to see the three faces looking at him from the top. He’s pretty sure a lot of his nightmares started exactly like this.

Baji, Kazutora and Ryusei were looking at him like he was a ghost and Chifuyu can’t help but think that they are a hell of a trio, but maybe that was only Chifuyu's humble opinion.

The three of them together could probably destroy Tokyo in one night if they had enough incentive and just thinking about it made his head hurt again and he wasn't sure if it was because of the blow he took.

"What the hell is Ryusei doing here?" Chifuyu managed to speak and it’s probably not what they were expecting him to say.

"Is that your first question? I’m also here and I’m as unexpected as him!" Kazutora spoke too loudly for Chifuyu's ears, so yeah, the hearing was still good, too good even. 

“We belong to the same gang, you’re Baji’s best friend,” Chifuyu could enumerate the reasons why Kazutora's presence was no surprise to him, “It just makes sense you’re here.”

They mentioned you too , Chifuyu thought about saying it, but thought better of it.

From the blow to the head, Chifuyu felt like trash, it was like he was hyper aware of the surrounding sounds and even the little noise from Kazutora's earring seemed to have amplified a thousand times since the last time he heard it.

"You scared us to death," Kazutora said and Chifuyu wanted to make a joke about it, but he could see that Kazutora wasn't joking anymore.

And there was another thing, something that worried him more than Kazutora's seriousness or the guilty expression on Ryusei's face. Keisuke’s silence. His captain hadn't said a word until that moment.

"I came back because I forgot my manga in your bag," Ryusei explained, tossing the manga in the air and catching it back.

Why were they so noisy?

Chifuyu looked around to try to find the bag he was carrying before he was kidnapped.

"Where is it? The bag?" He asked and tried to get up, but Kazutora stopped him.

But what worried him the most at the moment was Baji's alert eyes. 

He stared at him without saying a word. Then, he left the corner of the room he was in, he lifted the bag that Chifuyu was looking for, handing it to him.

At first, Chifuyu couldn't help but think that he was disappointed. But deep down, Chifuyu knew his captain wasn't like that. It was probably something else that worried Baji and he probably wouldn't say what it is now.

Chifuyu took the bag and first took out the manga he had bought for himself, he looked at it carefully and realized that he had only crumpled the corners of the book. At least that. And then he pulled out volume 7 of the manga he had bought for Keisuke, the cover was slightly crumpled, but it would still be readable.

He took the volume out of the bag and handed it to Baji, "Here it is, Baji-san! This time they had volume 7..."

Keisuke first raised an eyebrow and then his face adopted an incredulous expression, he stared at the manga and then faced Chifuyu again. He knew it was a hard edition to find, but Baji was being a little dramatic.

Perhaps realizing that Chifuyu was thinking too much, Keisuke reached over and held his face instead of holding the manga.

" Don't you fucking dare do this thing to me again, Chifuyu." Baji's words echoed throughout the shattered room, the heavy tension that had set in earlier. Chifuyu was sure the whole place had lit up or maybe it was just his head.

Chifuyu didn't mind the glares from Kazutora or Ryusei, in fact, he almost had completely forgotten about them. He couldn't even make himself think what Ryoko must be thinking at the moment. 

Everything he could feel and hear was Baji and his voice, simple as that.

"Did you finish them off, Baji-san?" Chifuyu asked, helding a proud smile on his face. 

He was now sitting down on the couch he had passed out on earlier and a glass of water had been handed over to him. 

"Each one of them," Baji smirked. It was still possible to see the tension in Keisuke's shoulders, but Chifuyu knew he was making an effort so that no one would notice.

If only Chifuyu paid less attention to him. If Chifuyu hadn't memorized all of his captain's mannerisms, maybe he wouldn't have noticed.

"Good," Chifuyu smiled back.

And again, when he was in Baji's field of vision, that was the only place he wanted to exist.

"God, you guys are insufferable sometimes," Kazutora said while putting on a disgusted expression.

He had walked away without Chifuyu noticing and now he was beside Ryusei as if they were good friends, but Chifuyu was sure it was the first time he had seen them together.

That would definitely be a fatal combination, he didn't know if Baji had thought about it, but introducing the two to each other would definitely be a mistake. Chifuyu could feel a shiver run down his spine just at the possibility.

Ryusei chuckled at the comment, "Sometimes? You don't go to the same school as them, I once caught Chifuyu spying-"

Chifuyu couldn't allow Ryusei to finish that sentence, just over his dead body. So he threw the closest thing he could find to shut him up, one of the toys Baji had bought for Peke J.

"Was it a secret?"

Fuck be it Ryusei and his good reflexes.

-

Chifuyu heard some apologies later even though he initially didn't understand the reason for it. It was a funny scene to even imagine, but seeing Kazutora and Ryusei apologizing in person was something new to say the least.

The brief summary that Chifuyu received was that the guys who kidnapped him were the same ones from the fight with Kazutora the year before, but now they were members of the Yotsuya Kaidan. Chifuyu made it clear that he didn't want them to apologize because it didn't make sense, they got into fights constantly for lesser reasons than that, but still, they persisted.

“Just accept the damn apologies or neither Ryoko-san nor Baji will let me step foot in here anytime soon,” Kazutora whispered.

Chifuyu guessed there was a bigger reason behind all of this, if the way Baji stood with his arms crossed in the bedroom doorway was any indicator, he guessed something that happened while he was still unconscious.

He just couldn't tell if it was Baji or Ryoko, particularly Chifuyu found Baji's mother a thousand times more frightening than the captain of Toman's first division.

And there she was, behind Baji and with a far less friendly face. He had an idea why, after all if it was Baji showing up at his house all bruised up after a supposed kidnapping, Chifuyu's mother would be the same way.

Which made him remember, he was fucked.

-

Chifuyu fell silent as he remembered that he would have to tell his mother what happened. He tried not to alarm anyone, especially Kazutora and Ryusei, but it was undeniable that he became quieter as soon as that thought crossed his mind.

And how much the two boys with neck tattoos had left, and Chifuyu still found it very funny that they both had animals tattooed there, he tried to think of something.

If he walked into the house really slowly and went straight to his room, maybe if he skipped dinner and left before breakfast... maybe he could manage to go unnoticed.

It's Baji's voice that pulls him out of his own head.

"Mother, can Chifuyu sleep here tonight?" Baji's voice is steady and gentle, Chifuyu had heard that tone before and every time it had been directed at Ryoko. That was the voice of Baji Keisuke, the devoted son. No matter how hard Baji tried to appear uninterested, Chifuyu could always see the truth.

And he had no option but to stay still because, fuck.

Chifuyu felt as if Baji had read his thoughts, he only had to look at him to know exactly what kind of thing was going through Chifuyu's head.

He felt exposed, almost naked, but beyond that he felt seen. Still, in that moment Chifuyu realized that he wouldn't mind being seen, if the eyes that stripped him of that crudest form were Baji's.

"Keisuke," Ryoko calls Baji by name. Not that Chifuyu had forgotten that was his name, ever. Not when it echoes in his mind more frequently than not. But it's different to hear someone call him that, because the name Keisuke is always on his mind, but never on the tip of his tongue. It somehow feels too personal, intimate. The hairs on Chifuyu's body had no choice but to bristle at this.

“Mother,” Baji looks years younger now in a way Chifuyu only sees when he is with his mother, and he sounds like that too, “Please.”

"You know I can't,” She glared at Chifuyu and then at her son, “If it were you in his place, I'd want to know..."

“We are going to tell her,” Baji sounded more serious, but he still looked the same. Like a child asking to keep a pet.

“Baji-san!” Chifuyu called him and if he even thinks about it, he knows his face looks alarmed by the way Keisuke looks at him.

“We are going to tell her,” He repeated word after word like he wanted Chifuyu to understand it once for all, “Because you’re fucking insane if you think I’m letting you go to school like this tomorrow.”

“I can take care of myself, Baji-san,” Chifuyu insisted, "I won’t worry her about something so insignificant!”

“Hah?” Baji looked irritated now, but he would have to deal with it, "What the fuck did you just say?"

Ryoko steps between them and sits next to Chifuyu, "Your mother deserves to know, Chifuyu. It's kind of our job to be worried about you guys. God knows Keisuke barely lets me sleep at night whenever you guys go with these gang meetings. "

“Mom!”

“And God help me, but Keisuke is right this time. You have to tell her.”

“But I-” Chifuyu tried to argue, but he knew it's a lost cause.

“You can stay.” She decided, “But tomorrow, you will have to tell her, Chifuyu. This is not negotiable.”

“We are going to tell her tomorrow.” Keisuke reassures her and Chifuyu can't hold back the hurt expression on his face, no matter how much sense what they're saying makes sense.

And he has no choice but to nod in agreement.

When Ryoko leaves the two alone, Baji says, “I’ve got you, Fuyu.”

Goddamn right you do, Baji-san.

Chifuyu decides not to pick a fight now and anyway, he can't stay mad at Baji for more than 5 seconds.

He decides to focus on something else, something that didn't go unnoticed by him. The way Keisuke said "We" instead of "You" doesn't leave Chifuyu's mind anytime soon.

-

Right. 

Chifuyu was at Baji’s bedroom again, which was fine, right. It was not like he didn’t spend tons of time there anyway, yet there was something different about being in Baji’s room when the lights of the world were going out. It was different to be there knowing that he will get to sleep there again and it was different when the whole bedroom smelled like Baji after a shower.

It was intoxicating, in a good way. 

Or in a bad way. Chifuyu wasn't sure about that yet.

He had called his mother and asked to sleep there, it was the least he could do not to worry her all night. Baji had taken the phone from his hand and promised that they would stay home, at his house, that night so it had been easy to convince her to stay there.

Still, Chifuyu couldn't help but think of the impending scolding she would hear tomorrow. He already knew it was her concern speaking louder, but he didn't want to worry her, Chifuyu knew how to take care of himself and those injuries were nothing compared to what he had suffered in real gang fights.

Chifuyu was still trying to understand what was different about this time, why Baji had become so serious and determined to tell both Ryoko and his mother the truth, but he didn't want to talk about it right now and he supposed Baji didn't either.

When the first division captain got out of the shower holding a towel next to his hair, Chifuyu had to hold back the urge to ask him to finish drying Baji's hair.

He still worried about maintaining that imaginary boundary he had drawn with Baji, it was a favor for his self-preservation, but torture for every cell in his body that wanted to touch Baji.

He is lying on Baji's bed as his captain has started throwing some blankets on the floor. It takes Chifuyu a few seconds to understand what Baji is doing, but only because it doesn't make any sense.

“What are you doing?” Chifuyu said with no subtlety in his voice.

He sounds more hurt than he should, because the truth was, there shouldn't be any hurt in his voice.

“What do you think I’m doing?” Keisuke shooted the question back.

There shouldn't be any hurt in his voice because that really wasn't his place. He should never have agreed to sleep in Baji's bed that night because he took it for granted but not quite. Baji should want to sleep in his bed and have all the space he normally had when sleeping alone, that was normal.

Chifuyu is about to get out of bed when he feels Keisuke's hand on his bare thigh. He has no choice but to stare at Baji with wide eyes, but he doesn't seem to realize why. Instead, those bloodshot eyes watch him with concern.

“What the hell are you doing?” Baji asked him.

"Why should I answer your question when you won't answer mine?" It's Chifuyu's turn to throw the question back.

He feels the pain of the tension building between them like it's still an inflamed wound, pulsing stronger and stronger since the moment Keisuke promised to tell his mother the truth.

"I'm getting the floor ready for me to sleep here," Keisuke said in a restrained way that makes Chifuyu sure he's fighting his naughty mouth, "What about you?"

"Why would you sleep on the floor?" Chifuyu asked without properly processing Baji's answer, why would he sleep on the floor?

Baji stared at him in disbelief and then pointed at him like that should explain everything. It didn’t explain, not for him at least. 

Chifuyu needed a better explanation than finger pointing and a gesture.

Baji let out a frustrated sigh, but he didn't say anything right away.

He's still trying to come up with an answer that didn't sound rude, which also didn't make sense, he never had to mince words with Chifuyu, he preferred things that way.

"I don't want to hurt you while you sleep," are the words Keisuke chooses to say.

Chifuyu has to convince himself not to take those words literally, unfortunately that information doesn't reach his heart, which races as soon as he hears those words.

"This has never been an issue before," Chifuyu knew he had chosen the wrong words as soon as Keisuke looked at him.

The weight of his hand on his thigh is still extremely palpable, but it didn't come close to the weight of his gaze. For anyone else, it would be easy to think Baji was angry, but Chifuyu knew him better than that, he wasn't angry, he was hurt.

Fuck.

"This was never a problem before, because you never hurt me in my sleep before, Baji-san," Chifuyu rephrased his sentence.

"I-"

"And I won't accept that," Chifuyu decided to speak at once, "If you don't sleep in the bed, I won't sleep either so all your work will be for nothing. And tomorrow both you and I will wake up with a sore back and the least you should have was compassion for my back since tomorrow you promised, against my will, that I would tell my mother the truth. So it's your choice, Baji-san. Either you climb into bed now, or you can prepare my side on the floor as well."

“Fuyu-”

“Baji-san, I’m going to the floor right now!”

“Fine. Fine. Fuck, it’s fine” Keisuke gave up and Chifuyu smiled triumphantly as he made room for him to climb onto the bed. 

Baji always lies down close to the wall with his body turned to the side while Chifuyu lies on the side facing the room, it's better that way, in case he can't stand it and needs to run away in the middle of the night, this is the best way. 

Still, Chifuyu soon understands what's going on when he's not being the heat of Baji's body pressed against his own. He's being careful, Chifuyu knows the reason behind it, but he can't stop his mind from spiraling with useless thoughts.

He desperately wants to feel that surge of electricity that invades his body every time Keisuke wraps him in a hug before going to sleep. Even if it makes his heart leap in a way that it's hard to feign indifference.

That distance is somehow worse, but Chifuyu feels it would be too humiliating to mention. So he just closes his eyes and lets his body give in to weariness.

-

Chifuyu wakes up in the middle of the night and he knows it's the middle of the night because Baji's room is brightly lit at dawn, yet darkness still envelops the room. At first, he thinks Baji is trying to find a better position to sleep, which he could relate to because this distance between them wasn’t comfortable at all. 

But when Baji's breathing starts to become labored, he realizes this is not the case.

He also looks like he's sweating and there's a mixed expression of agony and pain on his face.

Keisuke is having a nightmare.

Chifuyu immediately sits on the bed and turns on the lamp that is closest to him and touches Baji's arm gently. He read somewhere that when someone is having nightmares, it's best not to wake them up suddenly.

"Baji-san" Chifuyu says, but his voice is lower than expected, "Baji-san, it's me! Chifuyu! It's okay! Baji-san!"

Baji's face is creased in a pained expression, Chifuyu touches his face gently so as not to startle him, until Keisuke finally opens his eyes.

"Baji-san! You were having a nightmare, I was trying to-" Chifuyu can't finish what he was saying as Baji's arms are around him and his brain may very well have short-circuited.

He forces himself to calm down, he needs to focus on what really matters. Baji's uneven breathing, the way his heart seems to be racing against Chifuyu's body and their hands gripping Chifuyu's shirt tightly enough that it's hard to move.

Chifuyu doesn't know when he returned the hug, if it took a few seconds or if his hands enveloped Baji at the exact moment he hugged him, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that he is there and that Baji is fine now.

They stay in that position for what seems like an eternity, or at least it's long enough for their heartbeats to come into synchrony.

It's ironic that the distance between them is claustrophobic while this embrace that leaves no room for a single thought feels so right.

Slowly, the moment breaks and Baji seems to get a sense of where he is again. The distance is present between them again, but this time Chifuyu doesn't care, he needs to know how Baji is doing.

In the dark it's almost impossible to tell what's going on in Baji's eyes, it's almost as if the reddish tone has completely disappeared leaving only those black eyes to stare back at him. But still, Keisuke's eyes remain as imposing as ever, staring at Chifuyu as if to devour him.

He didn't want to be the first to say something, but with the weight of that look on him, he feels like he doesn't have a choice.

"Baji-san," He starts, but doesn't know what to say.

"Did I hurt you?" He asks seriously, Keisuke's voice sounds huskier than usual. The harshness in his tone is like a rough touch against Chifuyu's ear.

Chifuyu then notices the way Baji's hands are gripping the mattress as if he wants to dig himself in there. Truth be told, since waking up Chifuyu he hadn't felt any pain, but now that he was reminded of its existence, maybe he would feel it again.

"No," He immediately denied, as it was the truth, "I'm fine, Baji-san. I promise."

Baji seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, his hands released the mattress, but his eyes didn't leave Chifuyu.

"Was it a nightmare?" Chifuyu decided to ask and his captain just nodded, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Keisuke didn't say anything this time and he didn't even nod. He just kept watching Chifuyu as if he was studying him.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Chifuyu offered, he would never make Keisuke talk about something he didn't feel comfortable with.

"No," Keisuke responded immediately, "I want to talk, but, shit. This is hard."

Chifuyu remained silent and slowly laid his hand over Baji's in a sign of reassurance, his captain then opened a slight smile with the gesture and adjusted himself on the bed indicating Chifuyu to do the same.

"I used to have these... dreams," He said, "I had many dreams like these, dreams that seemed too real. Until I turned 15, since then the dream is always the same, a nightmare. I always die in the end. In the middle of a fight with a pain in my abdomen and wearing a uniform that isn't Toman's, which is fine because-"

Chifuyu feels the lump form in his throat, it's maddeningly familiar and he hates it. He hates everything about it. He hates that Baji has nightmares. He hates that in these nightmares he dies. He hates that he didn't realize it sooner.

"It's not 'okay', Baji-san," Chifuyu can't help but get in the way, "You dying will never be 'okay'."

Not for me. Not in this world or in any other.

"It's better than tonight's nightmare, Fuyu," Baji says, and despite the lamp light being on Chifuyu can't decipher the expression on his face, "You died in that nightmare. You were tied to a chair and it didn't- No matter how much I screamed, you couldn't hear or see me."

"But I'm right here now, Baji-san," Chifuyu said, “With you.”

He took Baji's hand and placed it over his face. He took a deep breath to prove his point to Baji and then opened his eyes again, his captain watching his chest. Chifuyu knew very well what he was doing, he did that sometimes too, following the up and down movement of his chest to make sure he was breathing. Chifuyu found some comfort in doing that some nights.

Baji's hands moved down from Chifuyu's face to his neck and he had to try his best not to jump at the touch. Keisuke's hand slipped further back and he was suddenly touching his hair.

"Your hair was black," He commented, "And you still wore an earring, but it was different than this one."

His hand was on Chifuyu's ear now and he could only think that this must be some kind of punishment because there was no way he would survive if Baji continued to touch him like this.

"I shouldn’t dye my hair," Chifuyu said, "Understood."

"No-" Baji hastened to say, "It looks good on you. If you want it one day... The haircut was still the same, by the way."

"Of course it was, Baji-san," Chifuyu replied, "You told me not to change, remember? Bet nightmare’s Baji did that too."

Baji didn't say anything for a while, just stared at Chifuyu. 

They were lying down again, but face to face this time.

He took a deep breath like he was trying to be brave and said, "Come here, Chifuyu."

Chifuyu is sure that it didn't even have an inch of distance between them, yet he did what he was told and he got even closer to him. Baji's arms surrounded him, one in the crook of his neck in contact with the bed while the other one was around Chifuyu's waist.

And Baji was so ridiculously close, Chifuyu could feel his breath against the back of his neck, but he didn't say a word.

Chifuyu just closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep this time while telling himself that it wasn't a problem, that that night he could allow himself to be rocked by that warm, warm breeze that was sleeping in the arms of the boy he was in love with.

-

The next morning Chifuyu didn't have to worry about any letters, when he opened his eyes Keisuke's room was fully lit and he was still entwined with Chifuyu. Peke J was at Baji's study table and was staring at them in a curious way.

That smart cat, always sneaking out the window.

Later, Chifuyu would have to explain himself to his mother, he could only hope that his appearance wasn't as bad as Keisuke made it out to be with all his misplaced worry from yesterday.

He allowed himself to stay a few more minutes in that position. Chifuyu didn't even care about telling his mother about yesterday's events, after all, it was Valentine's Day and at least for an extra period of time, he could enjoy having Baji to himself for a little while longer.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Baji-san," Chifuyu whispered, before starting to get ready to get up.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER 5

The pile of letters hidden in the back of Chifuyu's wardrobe didn't let him lie and the fact that it only increased with time was to be expected. After all, Chifuyu knew that year after year Baji only became more and more attractive and that wasn’t just his love for his captain speaking out loud, no, Chifuyu was sure of it. 

He couldn’t say he was surprised by the increase in the number of letters written to him, because one thing he was sure of: Keisuke was an attractive guy and he was becoming an attractive man. 

And Chifuyu's fatal fate was that he knew the exact moment when that switch turned for other people as well. 

It was right before they graduated from high school and it wasn't just because Chifuyu’s opinion of him was biased.

Many men and women called Chifuyu's attention in terms of beauty, but none held Baji's appeal to him. It was ridiculous, really. How Chifuyu felt like every detail on Baji was put there just to drive him crazy.

But the vice captain couldn't lie, besides Keisuke's long hair - which surely shaped Chifuyu's taste for the rest of his life, Chifuyu was quite fond of the visible veins on his captain's arm and forearm.

Then again, it wasn't a surprise that more and more letters were piling up inside Chifuyu's wardrobe. But he had also learned to live with the guilt and he could almost pretend it didn't affect him anymore. He couldn't help but be quieter and talk less than usual when he received one of those, which was usually the first indication that something was wrong with him, but he did a good enough job of avoiding Keisuke's questions.

And when their graduation finally arrived it was fraught with both sadness and relief all at the same time. 

Chifuyu used to dream of the day he would finally be free of school, but now he realized that something even worse was waiting for him. Whether it was college or the uncertainty of his future, it all seemed terribly worse than the routine he'd had for years and years. But at least he stopped receiving letters addressed to Baji and that he considered a victory. 

But yet, Chifuyu didn't throw any of them away. 

He would keep them a secret until the time was right.

In order to kill time and also to save money for college, Chifuyu had found a part-time job during his final year of high school and right after that Baji also started looking for a job, or well, the job looked for him.

Baji was working at a pet shop, Chifuyu couldn't think of a job that suited him better than this. For the time being, he was responsible for bathing and coughing the animals, which resulted in the wet dog smell he sometimes got at home and various scratches, which he wasn't immune to no matter how much the animals loved him.

"Stay still, Baji-san," Chifuyu said as he tried to clean the scratches with a saline solution he had bought a while ago, "It'll hurt more if you keep pulling your arm!"

"I can take the pain," Baji said, like he still had to prove something to someone. 

But Chifuyu knew better and he could see his face contorted in pain.

"It doesn't have to hurt this much," Chifuyu complained as he dabbed the cotton under the scratches, "If you just stop moving!"

"I can't control it," Baji replied, pulling his arm back towards him.

"What did you bathe today? A lion?"

"Peke J." Baji replied with his face twisted by something other than pain.

"Why did you do it?" Chifuyu asked louder than he should have and in the end, he ended up squeezing Baji's arm hard, "You know he hates it when you bathe him, especially if it's outside."

"He always behaved so well when I did it before..." Keisuke started to explain, but Chifuyu didn't pay attention as he remembered how Peke J refused to enter Baji's room earlier.

That had been a breach of trust between them.

Chifuyu couldn't control himself and laughed.

“Ouch!” Keisuke complained of pain.

"You deserved!"

Chifuyu said in an accusatory tone, "Next time let me know when you take our cat to the pet shop! If only I were there..."

"We'd both be scratched right now." Baji concluded and Chifuyu glared at him.

It was true, but still, Baji didn't need to say it.

Keisuke also had a kind of second job or an outside job, which consisted of walking dogs both in the morning and late afternoon. It was a common mistake people made, thinking that Baji only liked cats, but the truth was that he had an open heart for all animals in the world. Chifuyu suspected he would become fond of the cockroaches that lived in the building if given enough time for them to get to know each other better.

Meanwhile, Chifuyu was still at his part-time job he had gotten during his senior year of high school, but he was working full-time, at least until he knew whether or not he'd been accepted into college.

And Chifuyu didn't want to brag, but he was good at his job. 

At first, he had started out just as a cashier, but soon the owner of the convenience store he worked at had started letting him run the store for extended periods of time. Some days, Chifuyu was even responsible for opening and closing the place and he was even responsible for the key to the store.

He had also paid attention to the difficulties of running a business, which he supposed would come in handy in the future, if he eventually got work to do with what he wanted. But that was a remote and somewhat distant idea for now.

-

A few months later, Baji is the first person Chifuyu calls.

It's not even a question in his head, it's just natural as if it were an instinct. 

After receiving confirmation from the University, with his mother right beside him, Chifuyu had no doubts when it came to who he wanted to call first to tell the news.

His mother would tell their relatives, their grandparents and even their neighbors, but for Chifuyu, Baji was the person he wanted to tell firsthand, not only that, but all things, always.

The phone rings twice and only twice. 

Because Baji knew the result was about to come out and because he looked as anxious as Chifuyu. They didn't talk about it, but Chifuyu knew, knew because he knew himself and he knew Baji almost too well. And that seemed like something big, something that Chifuyu didn't know how it would impact their lives or their dynamics and maybe he was scared to think about it, but none of that mattered.

None of that mattered because the phone only rang twice and Baji Keisuke was on the other end of the line and Chifuyu's hands were still shaking.

"Baji-san," Chifuyu knew it was his own voice coming out of his mouth, but he couldn't feel them, he could hear Baji's breathing on the other side and that, that he could feel, "Baji-san! I got accepted to college!"

He couldn't believe those words were actually coming out of his mouth.

Baji didn't hesitate for a second.

"I fucking knew it, Fuyu!" He yelled on the other end of the line, "Stay right where you are! I'm coming!"

"But Baji-san," Chifuyu tried to stop him, but he knew that wasn't possible.

Not even he had the ability to stop Baji Keisuke.

And he liked it that way.

"Don't move, Chifuyu." Baji spoke and his voice sounded breathless. "I'm on my way."

Chifuyu didn't try anymore. There was no reason for that, Baji did what he wanted and Chifuyu wanted him there, right then and there.

And it didn't take long for him to arrive.

"We have so much to do!" Chifuyu’s mother was speaking and planning and going around the house like a crazy person and Chifuyu understood, he really did, but he was about to go insane. 

"We need to check the timetables, the train lines! The documents! Does the university have dormitories? Or we can see an apartment nearby..." She continued talking as Chifuyu's eyes darted from the door to the clock nonstop.

It was time for him to arrive. Chifuyu knew because he had already counted the minutes for Baji to arrive from the pet shop months ago. It would take him 10 minutes to arrive if he was walking normally and 8 minutes if he was in a hurry.

According to the clock, 6 minutes had passed.

"Mom!" Chifuyu decided to try to calm his mother down and so he would be able to calm down himself, "Mom! Breath with me, we still have plenty of time. Classes don't start until April."

"But Chifuyu-" He held her shoulders and looked into his mother's eyes.

Those eyes were so kind that they cared and watched him all his life.

"We'll see through all of this,” He made sure he was putting on his best smile, “I promise, but for now, let's not freak out yet."

“Fuyu!”

And there was him.

Baji opened the door as if it were the door of his own house - he spent so much time there that maybe it was. Now Chifuyu just wasn't sure for how long.

But he didn't want to think about that right now.

Not when Baji was looking at him with those eyes that screamed beyond happiness. Chifuyu didn't know what it was, but he knew he wanted it.

He didn't feel his feet move, he didn't feel anything until he was hugging Keisuke in the middle of his living room with his mother as a witness.

“You did it!” Keisuke spoke or whispered, Chifuyu couldn't tell the difference, as he lifted his feet off the ground and spun him around.

Of course, Chifuyu knew he was that strong. But still, it took him by surprise.

“Baji-san-” Chifuyu had nothing to say other than Baji's name.

“You are so fucking amazing,” Keisuke told him.

It took Chifuyu everything he had not to stop and confess his undying love for him right then and there.

-

As expected, Chifuyu's mother shared the good news with all the relatives and family in record time and of course Ryoko was one of the first people to know. The four of them had dinner together that night in order to celebrate Chifuyu's approval.

In the next morning, Chifuyu intended to tell the good news to all of his friends, but for now, all he needed was around that dinner table.

Later that night, Baji didn't come home with his mother which was really nothing new, instead he accompanied Chifuyu to his room and threw himself on the bed like he had done a million times before. Peke J soon followed Baji and lay down on the edge of the bed where he used to always sleep.

It didn't go unnoticed by Chifuyu the way Baji had become increasingly silent throughout dinner, not even Ryoko's teasing was making him complain like usual and now, lying on Chifuyu's bed, he sighed as if he had a great weight on your shoulders.

"Did something happen, Baji-san?" Chifuyu could have been more subtle, but he knew there was no need for that when it was just the two of them there and well, Peke J, who didn't seem all that interested in the conversation.

"Hah?" Baji had his head out of bed facing Chifuyu upside down. His hair was down to the floor and he had that confused look on his face that made Chifuyu want to kiss him.

"You've been weird." Chifuyu mentioned while looking away.

He was walking towards the bed but stopped.

"I'm fine." Baji replied simply and then sat up straight in bed, with his hands between his legs, he asked, "Chifuyu, are you moving into the dorm?"

Straight up. 

Because, again, subtlety wasn't needed when it was just the two of them.

"I-,” Chifuyu didn’t know what he was supposed to say, “I don't know."

He stared at Baji as if the answer was in him, but it wasn't.

Chifuyu sat next to his captain on the bed. It's night outside as there have been in many other days and Chifuyu is still beside him, like in all of them.

He doesn't want that to change.

"Don’t go," The words tumble out of Baji's mouth, as if even he isn't quite sure what he's talking about, or what he's asking Chifuyu, "I mean, to the dorm. You have to go to college, I—you know I'm glad you made it through, right?”

Baji doesn't need to explain to Chifuyu what he means, because he knows it. Somehow, he always knows when it comes to Baji.

But it's still nice that he tried.

"I know, Baji-san." Chifuyu tells him smiling.

"We should move in together." Baji says and this time the words don't stumble out of his mouth, but rush in and hit Chifuyu squarely. He tries again, "Do you want to, I mean, move in with me?"

Baji is nervous, he can say that much, but it's okay because Chifuyu feels nervous too. And that seems like a big, big request. But it's not just a request, it's a choice.

One that Chifuyu already chose a long time ago.

But he still needs to be sure.

"Now?" He asked.

And Baji only nodded.

"Do you want this, Baji-san?" Chifuyu asks because this is important too.

Everything about this conversation is important. 

Everything about the future is.

"This isn't about what I want right now, Fuyu,” Baji's voice is hoarse, Chifuyu knows it effortlessly, but in the silence of his room it's as if the walls echo that sound just for him, “It's about what you want. You're going to college, you can go to a dorm or we can move in together like we planned."

Because they planned it, it was true. Baji had been talking to his mother and Chifuyu's mother years ago. That was the plan.

"I can't drag you out of the house because-" Chifuyu started to speak.

He wasn't meeting Baji's eyes, but his hands were feeling cold.

"You can." Baji's tone sounds final. As if he was giving Chifuyu the key to a door he didn't even know existed.

You can. You can. You can. You can. You can. You can. You can.

I can, exactly what, Baji-san?

"I mean, I want it. If you want it, I want it.” Keisuke confesses, “I would actually rather have you living with me than living in a dorm. But I need you to want it too , it can’t be something you’d do just because I want to."

What's going on with Chifuyu's heart today? It's like he can feel it pulsing through every vein in his body, he knows his heart is beating fast and there are butterflies in his stomach and his hand is almost numb and sure enough the vein in his neck is about to burst. And if he didn't know better, he'd think Baji was trying to kill him outright.

But I need you to want it too.

Ha! Like Chifuyu would want anything else other than Baji.

"Are you sure, Baji-san?" He asks again. 

He needs to be sure.

"I already said..."

"Are you sure? Because you won't be able to get rid of me so easily if you say you are," Chifuyu tells him this like it's a threat, but Baji needs to know what he's getting into, "I'll be there all the time. When you go to sleep and when you wake up. And in your spare time too. You won't be able to go upstairs two floors whenever you get tired of me and don't even-"

"Shut the fuck up, Fuyu. We practically live together now, if I'm not working, I'm with you and if you're not at my place, I'm at yours. So just tell me, what do you want?"

I want you. 

I want it all with you.

"Let's move in together, Baji-san."

-

Chifuyu wouldn't lie, the apartment hunt had been fun, but not as much fun as telling their moms about their decision to move in together right after high school. 

Chifuyu's mother hadn't been surprised, or at least not as surprised as Chifuyu expected her to be, because she was used to the idea of him moving closer to the university anyway. But now Ryoko, that was a whole other thing, but he understood her, really. 

In a way or another, Chifuyu was also surprised by Baji’s decision. After all, he knew how close Baji was to his mother and he never imagined that they would move in together so soon, but once again Chifuyu was reminded that he didn't know how much longer he would have Baji by his side, eventually Keisuke would fall in love with someone and would want to live with that person, Chifuyu needed to get what he could while he could.

He would allow himself to be selfish a little longer if it meant having Baji on his side, or is on Baji's side.

The apartment they chose could have been a lot better, but at the same time Chifuyu thought it was perfect for them, especially given the requirements and the amount of money they had at the time, it was definitely the best they could get.

While looking for the apartament, Keisuke didn't seem so interested in apartment hunting, but Chifuyu knew that this was just like he was. Baji still went to every meeting Chifuyu scheduled for them and he always looked out the window of every apartment. 

Chifuyu had once read somewhere that when people were in high places, they had the urge to automatically look for their homes and since the first time he saw Baji doing this, he thought that was what he was doing.

With so many visits to so many apartments and having gone to the worst locations Tokyo had to offer for an almost absurd cost, Chifuyu admitted that it didn’t take long for him to get tired of the hunt. He was willing to sign a lease as long as it was close to the college, the place had good running water, all the lights seemed to be working and the wiring was up to date - he also would appreciate it if anyone had died in there or if there were no reports of hauntings, but that was optional at this point.

Chifuyu decided that this would be the last one they would look at and that it was perfect so far - and that no one had recently died there either. He just had to wait until the real estate agent left to take a call so he could talk to Baji about it. 

It was easy to find him, the place wasn’t big and there were only 3 people in there. Keisuke was right where Chifuyu thought he would be, on the small balcony watching the city below them.

He stood beside him and watched the view from above. 

From there, Chifuyu soon concluded it wasn’t possible to see the building where they all lived for most of their lives.

"Already found?" Chifuyu asked.

Keisuke looked at him for a long second as if seeing him for the first time in a long time, which was ridiculous, Chifuyu was there the whole time.

"What?"

"Home."

Keisuke's eyes lingered for a second, first to Chifuyu, then to the balcony and once again to Chifuyu.

"I-"

"I can't see it from here," Chifuyu commented.

Maybe if the building was taller or if they were a few floors higher...

"I wasn't looking for it..." Keisuke confessed.

Chifuyu watched him for a moment, just long enough for him to understand what was going on in his head and then it all made sense. During all this time, Keisuke wasn't looking for the building they lived in, even if he was looking for a home. 

He was checking if he would still be able to feed his much-loved stray cats from there. That's why he hadn't said anything, it wasn't something you could just ask your real estate agent.

It was ridiculous how easy it was to love Baji and anyone who thought otherwise was just crazy.

"Did you know that this building is also pet friendly?"

No more words were needed, Chifuyu knew at that moment that this apartment would be perfect for them. 

Maybe it was tiredness or maybe it was Baji's smile when he understood what that meant, but the place just felt perfect.

"Can we bring Peke J?" He asked with his eyes sparkling with excitement like a child's.

"Do you think we'd move somewhere where we wouldn't be able to bring my- our cat?" Chifuyu asked.

Baji smiled again and Chifuyu knew what that smile meant. 

It meant that he knew otherwise, that he somehow understood Chifuyu as well.

"You can have as many cats as you want now," Chifuyu ruled, "Or at least as many as our pockets can handle."

Besides Peke J, Baji had never owned another cat that belonged to him. This was one of the rules of the Baji house, established by Ryoko who turned a blind eye to all the cats Keisuke fed through his bedroom window. But that was something that could change now, if Baji wanted to, Chifuyu would never say no to having more cats.

They would just need to have a talk with Peke J first, after all he had been the only cat for many years and Chifuyu feared that he had spoiled him too much.

"No more cats for now," Keisuke said, "At least, until we get used to it."

For now , it was something. It means there was more to come and Chifuyu was looking forward to it.

We can do this, Baji-san.

-

Boxing up all of his stuff and putting it in a moving truck had certainly been one of the hardest things Chifuyu had ever done. The distance wasn't that great, about 15 minutes by metro or 30 minutes walking, but still Chifuyu couldn't get rid of that little voice in his head that said that this was the end of a chapter in his life.

He wasn't a fan of goodbyes and it didn't make sense to say goodbye to his mother when he knew he was going to visit her at least 5 times a week, but still, Chifuyu cried when he hugged her before getting on the bike with Keisuke.

Chifuyu knew for sure the Baji had also had a moment like this at home, Ryoko's red eyes and Baji's stuffy nose wouldn't let them lie, but still, he didn't seem to have changed his mind. Which was good, after all the two had paid the first six months rent in advance so they were moving out now anyway.

Their mothers had both offered to help them move and so had Kazutora, Mikey and Draken, but they knew that if that happened no arrangements would actually be made. And as for their mothers, it seemed important that they at least be able to clean up the house for the first time on their own.

The house they rented already had furniture, or at least it had the essentials. A kitchen with everything inside, a sofa in the living room and a bed and wardrobe in each of the bedrooms. No TV, no mattress and everything else would be on them later.

Chifuyu couldn't say exactly how it started, or maybe he did, but he was sure of one thing: no one of this was planned. 

It started with the end of tidying up the house as they didn't have much stuff beside clothes and objects to store, it didn’t take long for Chifuyu to finish organizing his room.

Of course, they would have to do groceries shopping and see the energy and water costs. Chifuyu had come to the conclusion that becoming an adult, or at least moving towards it, was terribly expensive.

Anyway, that would be a problem for them in the future, for now, that was it.

But even though Chifuyu had finished organizing his part, Baji still hadn't left his room.

"Baji-san,” Chifuyu called after knocking on the door three times. 

“Get in already, Fuyu!” Baji shouted from inside the room.

Chifuyu slowly opened the door only to find large parts of the boxes with Baji's stuff still unopened. There were exactly three boxes open, one that contained his shounen manga collection, another with the gym weights he had picked up at Wakasa and Benkei's gym, and lastly, the box with the animal action figures he had been collecting for years. 

Baji had all the action figures laid out on his former study table, which would now only be used as a desk. He was crouched on the ground and was looking directly at all the animals in front of him.

Chifuyu crouched beside him and watched the animals along with him.

"What are we looking at?" He asked when he got tired of trying to guess what Baji was thinking.

"That doesn't make any sense!" Baji complained and Chifuyu waited for him to continue talking, "This feline does not belong to this biome. This is a jaguar, it belongs to the Amazon, Pantanal, Atlantic Forest, but not the African Savannahs."

Chifuyu looked closely at what Baji was referring to. There was an animal section that included zebras, giraffes, lions and elephants and he had paid enough attention to Baji to know that this was the African Savannah he was referring to.

And together with these animals there was also the jaguar that he had mentioned earlier. Chifuyu also knew that that jaguar was one of the rarest action figures Baji had, it had only appeared in one issue of the magazine he collected and was never re-released.

Baji took the action figure in his hand and sat on the ground, "It's beautiful, isn't it? It's the third largest cat in the world, after the tiger and the lion, and the largest in the American continent! It's so fucking amazing!"

It was then that Chifuyu remembered, inside the box with Baji's other mangas was a book about the Amazon. He got up and started looking for the book while Baji watched him with curious eyes.

When Chifuyu finally found the book, which had the word Amazonia written in all caps and an image of the Amazon rainforest, Baji's face seemed to light up. Chifuyu placed the book on the table and Baji placed the jaguar action figure on top of the book.

"Does it make sense now?" Chifuyu asked.

"Yes, it makes perfect sense now," Baji said happily.

Then Baji and Chifuyu moved on to the next boxes. First the ones with the sleeves since Chifuyu had already taken a look there and then the ones with the gym weights, which were in a corner of the room so that no one would trip over them. And finally, the boxes with Baji's clothes.

As they organized, Chifuyu commented, "That's an impressive amount of black clothes, Baji-san."

"You've never complained before," Baji mentioned glaring at Chifuyu in a funny way.

It took him a few seconds to understand what he was referring to. Chifuyu looked at his own clothes which were black, but besides that, they were much bigger than him, which was nothing new, but certainly something, because that shirt belonged to Baji.

And Baji was smirking at him.

“I- I didn’t know! I didn’t pay attention when I-”

Chifuyu felt Baji's hand on his waist before hearing his voice, "I don't mind, Fuyu. I really really don't mind.”

He couldn't help but blush, but Baji's hand that reached his waist unannounced left just the same, leaving only the ghost of his touch to haunt his thoughts.

And that very first night in the apartment they could now call their own - for the next six months at least, they slept on the living room floor wrapped in all the sheets and blankets they'd taken with them to their new home.

-

After a month, Chifuyu started to wonder why he'd fought so hard to find a two-bedroom apartment for what, exactly? 

Chifuyu started sleeping in Keisuke's room after the second week they were living together.

Why? It was simply easier that way, or so Baji told him after the 5th night in a row that they slept together in the most pure form of the term.

The first time had been that first night, because they still hadn't bought the new mattresses and that would only be resolved the next day. The second time had been because they were too tired to move and ended up falling asleep anyway. The third time, they slept together while watching a movie and the fourth time Chifuyu couldn't even remember what excuse they made that time.

The fifth time, Chifuyu didn't even have to think of an excuse. After dinner as he got ready to watch the TV they had recently bought, some detective series that Baji liked. Before sitting on the sofa, Keisuke entered Chifuyu's room and left with all the pillows under his arm.

Chifuyu watched curiously and didn't say anything until he saw what Baji was trying to do.

Keisuke made a second trip to the bedroom, this time with Chifuyu's blankets and sheets and his toothbrush.

He left the room with an air of mission accomplished, took the remote and turned on the television. Chifuyu stared at him in bewilderment not knowing what to say or if he should say something, he didn't want to say the wrong thing and make Baji put all his stuff back in his room, but at the same time it seemed like something that should be talked about between they.

"Baji-san" Chifuyu called, testing.

Keisuke just stared at him and waited for Chifuyu to continue what he was trying to say.

"Why did you take my stuff up to your room?" Chifuyu asked.

"Ha? To make things easier." Baji spoke as if it were obvious.

"Make what easier?" Chifuyu felt that he was having a serious miscommunication in this conversation, as if he had missed something.

"You've been sleeping in my room all these days," He said, "It's easier if everything is already there, blankets, pillows and toothbrush."

"Toothbrush?" He repeated, confused.

Of course, Chifuyu was aware that he had slept 4 nights in a row in Baji's room. And he was pretty sure Baji had noticed that too, because well, it was obvious. But still.

"You know, to brush your teeth..." Baji spoke slowly and also gestured as if that was the most confusing thing about the conversation.

"So it's okay if I sleep in your room?" Chifuyu tried to make it clear.

"I just took your stuff and put it there," Baji pointed out, well punctuated by the way, "What part of that makes it seem like it would be a problem?"

Looking at it that way, Baji was kind of right, but Chifuyu still didn't look convinced. Something still felt wrong, he was definitely missing something, there was something not quite right and...

"You've always slept in my room with no problems before, why would it be any different now?"

A good question.

Genuinely good.

Chifuyu didn't have an answer for that.

"You're right, Baji-san." Chifuyu nodded, "It really is easier that way."

That night and every other night, Chifuyu slept right next to Baji in bed. It was a pity that they had already spent money on two mattresses, but at the same time, the Chifuyu room served as a study room which was very useful and made perfect sense.

-

Living with Baji was exactly how Chifuyu imagined it and at the same time, it wasn't. Chifuyu had spent a significant amount of time with Baji, whether at home, school, gang, or elsewhere, enough to think that he knew what was waiting for him, but still there was a popular saying that you only really know a person when you live with them.

He believes in that now.

Starting with the things he knew, it came as no surprise to him when he noticed how grumpy Baji was in the mornings - specific mornings where it was either too cold or too early. Keisuke needed to sleep at least 6 hours a night to wake up with his regular mood and 7 hours if he wanted to wake up more energetic than usual. But if he slept 8 hours a night it was the same as nothing for him, he woke up in a bad mood too. Chifuyu still hadn't had the opportunity to find out what happened when he slept for 9 hours straight, but he supposed he would soon.

Keisuke maintained the habit of feeding stray cats and this was also something he expected. Of course, he knew that wouldn't change and to be honest, Chifuyu would never want that to change. That was one of Chifuyu's defining points about Baji, how passionate and dedicated he was to everything he cared about and with him working in a pet shop, Chifuyu certainly didn't wait for Baji's love for animals to wane. On the contrary, at least once a week Keisuke arrived home with a 20kg bag of cat food and promptly put them in their places twice a day, before leaving the house and when he got home from work.

Chifuyu kept collecting those moments and all those bits of information, forming a big mental map that had Keisuke at the center.

Despite all this, every day Keisuke would make coffee for both of them. An unsaid agreement between them. While Chifuyu is tidying the bed sheets, Keisuke is in the kitchen cooking breakfast for them. They had settled into this routine for the first few weeks and it works fine for both of them. 

Most days Chifuyu would get out of Keisuke's room (or was it their room after so many nights they have spent together?) just to find him in the kitchen. If he is done, they would eat side by side and if it's not, Chifuyu would offer to help. Keisuke would always give him the most silly task like setting the table or getting something for him. 

Unfortunately, Keisuke's talents in the kitchen ended at breakfast. Most days they would have lunch somewhere else, but dinner? Those are on Chifuyu, which he thought was only fair. Different from him, Keisuke would absolutely refuse to do something else while Chifuyu was cooking, he would be following Chifuyu around the kitchen like a lost puppy, asking about how to do things that he would never really use. 

But Chifuyu would always explain anything to him anyways. 

Yet, Keisuke keeps making his life a lot more difficult than it already was. 

Chifuyu couldn't say how long he had been in love with Keisuke, if he had to make a guess, it would be since he met him. As if there, in that school room, his destiny had been set forever.

And modestly, Chifuyu thought he did a good job being in love with Keisuke. He went through all kinds of temptations daily every day for the last 7 years and he never overstepped his limits, never took more than he knew Baji was comfortable giving - except well, the letters to Keisuke, but that wasn't important now. Not anymore.

But Baji really tested his limits when he was cooking.

Chifuyu understood, or at least, he thought he understood, Keisuke is touch starved. This is one of the things Chifuyu noticed about him years ago, but living with him really makes it more obvious. 

In the Kitchen, Keisuke would always follow him around and even hug him from behind. 

He always placed his head in the crook of Chifuyu's shoulder and observed what was in the pots on the stove. Sometimes, his hands would go around his waist while Baji asked what was for dinner and that would take all of Chifuyu's energy to not confess his undying love for him. 

Chifuyu's legs would shake and his breathing would become uneven, his face would burn bright red and he would have to do everything he could to get Baji away.

But it didn't end there, no. 

Sometimes when they were in the living room watching something on TV, Keisuke would always mysteriously come closer to him. This took Chifuyu a shameful amount of time to realize. He always noticed that they got close while watching movies and for a long time Chifuyu thought he was the one moving closer and closer to Baji, until one day he decided he wouldn't move. That he would stay in exactly the same place throughout the entire movie, maybe it was random or not, but when Chifuyu didn't move a single inch, he could see how Baji seemed to get closer and closer to him.

Chifuyu then tried one more time, just to be sure and in this last attempt, Keisuke simply laid his head on his lap. And that made perfect sense, this was more of an action that screamed Baji than anything else.

But once again, it didn't end there and Chifuyu couldn't deny that he was happy about it.

But it wasn't anything new either. Chifuyu had slept in the same bed as Baji before to know that he had the habit of sleeping and holding on to something. And after they started living together and sharing the same room, most nights or all of them since they started to sleep together, this something was Chifuyu. 

He couldn't say he hated it, but he knew maybe he should. Because one day Baji would no longer be there to hold him at night and because all the things and those little habits would belong to someone else.

The letters he still had stored at the bottom of his wardrobe were proof of this. Chifuyu felt like he was in a race against time, as each day passed he was closer to losing Baji and the worst part was that Baji didn't even know it. If everything went well, he would never know.

There was a time when Chifuyus favorite place in the world was the stairs where they sat one night and talked until the sun was rising. Chifuyu wondered if his favorite place was Keisuke's room now? 

-

But of course, not everything was rosy and there was definitely trouble in paradise.

Moving out of their mother's house and living together had certainly been a big decision for them and even though they were sharing the costs, it was still a higher price to pay than if they had continued living with their mothers.

As a result, Baji had decided not only to work at the pet store full time, but he also decided to ask for more roles at work. And with Chifuyu feeling like he couldn't stay behind until his classes started, he decided to work full time at the convenience store as well.

And so, they began to adjust to their own routines. Chifuyu knew that Keisuke was like a cat in certain aspects, he liked to have his own things and liked that no one messed with that, but unlike what everyone might expect, Baji also liked routines.

Even when Toman was still active, Chifuyu realized that his temper tantrums against cars that usually involved fire were nothing less than a ritual, included in the routine that Baji had for himself. He never needed to talk about it out loud with Chifuyu, one day he simply realized it and started acting on it.

Now, however, Chifuyu could see that Baji's adaptation process was similar to Peke J's with the new apartment, curious and irritable. So it shouldn't have been such a big surprise that it happened over the days.

And in Chifuyu's defense, he's not an easy person to anger and his tolerance level when it comes to Keisuke is higher than anyone else's.

Keisuke leaves a wet towel on the bed. Which is normal, understandable even. He's tired, both of them are. So it's normal, or at least Chifuyu assumes it is even though he's already tidied up the room and bed and that towel certainly shouldn't be there since there's a hanger just three steps away.

He doesn't want to make a big deal out of this.

Chifuyu takes the wet towel from the bed and puts it on the hanger. Which is easy and takes less than 5 seconds.

But this continues to happen. But this continues to happen. One, then two and three times and then a whole week passed.

And yet, Chifuyu doesn't want to make a big deal out of it. He does not want to. The only way out of this is to resolve this as adults, because that's who they are now and if they want to live together, they need to learn to deal with these little details.

"Baji-san," Chifuyu called, his voice harsher than usual. Baji didn't move, but Chifuyu knew he was listening, "Could you take the wet towel off the bed."

Still silent.

Chifuyu was being ignored.

"Baji-san." He tried again, if his tone was harsh before, now it was even more so, "The wet towel."

Chifuyu was about to say, 'please' when Baji decided to open his mouth.

"Just leave it there, I'll put it away later." He replied.

Chifuyu doesn't know where it comes from, but he says, "But you've been leaving the wet towel on the bed all week and-"

"It's just a towel, Chifuyu." Baji says, "I already said I'll keep-"

"And I cleaned the room just now!"

"Nobody asked you to clean up," The words come out of Baji's mouth like bullets and hit the target hard, "Just fucking go to your room if you don't like it." 

Chifuyu's entire body freezes upon hearing Baji's words. It wasn't like they didn't argue, but there was a limit.  A line that Chifuyu didn't know existed until that moment.  Until the line has been crossed.

It wasn't common for them to fight nor for Baji to sound like that to him, not that Chifuyu didn't know that Baji's words could be harsh, but it had been a long time since he heard them, especially when directed at him.

Chifuyu thought he would handle a punch better than this, but Baji didn't handle things like that anymore.

Worst of all, he wasn't wrong. 

No one had asked Chifuyu to clean the room, he simply decided that that was his job and Baji hadn't asked him to put away the towels in the previous days either, Chifuyu just did it because he didn't want to sleep in a bed that smelled like wet towels. 

But once again, that wasn't his bed, not really.

And Baji was right. 

If Chifuyu didn't like it, he just had to go to his room. 

Because he had his own room.

Chifuyu doesn't know how long it took for him to process all that information.  It could have been seconds or minutes, but to him it certainly felt like hours until he moved again.

He didn't say another word, this time Chifuyu just did what he was told. 

Chifuyu doesn't slam Baji's bedroom door when he leaves, even though his blood was boiling before, now he doesn't feel that way anymore. It's ridiculous that an argument like that has such an impact on him, but that's what he gets for taking something for granted.

Somehow the taste he feels in his mouth is bitter like rejection, which doesn't make sense either, but it does to him. It was rejection because this wasn't Chifuyu's room and yet he acted like it was, because for a second he allowed himself to forget what he really was to Baji.

Back in his room, Chifuyu regrets not getting the pillows back. There were fewer sheets and blankets, he still had several stored at the top of the wardrobe, so it wouldn't be a problem for him.

Chifuyu's room is perfectly tidy, firstly because he doesn't sleep there and secondly because he only uses that place as a study room or an office, yet the room has a somewhat impersonal feel. He didn't have enough time to leave that cozy place or with something that felt like his own because in the first week he had been dragged to Baji's room as if by some kind of magnetism that he had no way of fighting against.

But maybe he should have fought, so he wouldn't be in this situation now.

He closed the window to keep the room as warm as possible, after all, winter hadn't arrived yet, but it was approaching quickly and the nights weren't as warm as they were a few weeks ago. And then he rummaged through his closet for the blankets he knew were in there somewhere.

Chifuyu quickly looked at that decorated box at the bottom of his wardrobe, he admitted that it wasn't one of his smartest ideas to leave that box there, but at the same time, Chifuyu didn't feel like he could stay away from it. He was its protector after all, he had been entrusted with those letters and despite not having delivered them to their recipient, they were still in his care.

He closed the wardrobe tightly this time, he didn't need to feel worse than he already did.

It didn't take long for Peke J to appear in the room. The lights coming from the living room were still on so Chifuyu assumed that Baji was still feeding the cats that appeared in their apartment and if Peke J was already there, that meant that their cat was already fed.

The truth was that Peke J spent more time in that room than Chifuyu himself. It was a curious fact about the black cat, but he loved being close to Chifuyu or Baji when they were studying or doing something on the computer, he was always nearby, either on the counter or in their lap or lying on the bed while watching them.

During the night, Chifuyu knew that Peke J slept in Keisuke's room until approximately 3 am, then he walked around the house and probably slept in the bed Chifuyu had abandoned. That would explain the endless amount of cat hair on the bed, but it didn't bother Chifuyu.

Soon, Peke J jumped onto the bed and curled up on the end of it ready to sleep.

So that was it. Chifuyu decided to accompany his cat even though he knew he wouldn't be able to close his eyes tonight.

And so, with just him and Peke J who was sleeping at the end of the bed, Chifuyu almost feels like he's back at his mother's house, in his childhood bedroom. It hadn't been long since he left there and still, his chest seems to hurt, but it's not from longing.

He doesn't know how long he spends tossing and turning around the bed, only that when his back is turned to the door, he hears the sound of the door opening and feels a pair of eyes burn against his skin.

Chifuyu remains motionless because whatever Baji wanted to say to him at this time of night could very well wait until tomorrow.

So he doesn't move and waits. He waits until Baji leaves or until he speaks at once and Chifuyu doesn't know how long he stays there.

"Chifuyu," Baji calls out to him in a whisper, but Chifuyu doesn't respond, just stays still.

"Fuyu," He tries again, this time the tone he uses is softer. Chifuyu has to bite his own lip to stop himself from giving in, "Just come back to the room with me and we can talk tomorrow."

Chifuyu closes his eyes even tighter as he tries not to move.

It's so much easier to say 'yes' to Baji, but he won't do that now. Chifuyu will no longer fall into the trap he set for himself. He needs to stay there that night.

Baji's voice already indicates that he is calmer and that whatever happened before can be resolved, but Chifuyu doesn't feel confident in himself to do that. He still feels Baji's eyes on him even though he hasn't said anything else for a few minutes.

Why doesn't he just go back to his room?

"I know you are awake, Chifuyu.” Baji said, but Chifuyu didn't hear any irritation in his voice. Quite the contrary, it was as if Baji was trying to control his tone of voice so as not to sound bossy, “I know the way you breathe when you’re really sleeping." 

What was this supposed to mean?

Because Chifuyu also knew the difference between when Baji was sleeping or when he was awake, or when he was having a nightmare or a dream.

Yet, Chifuyu doesn't answer him. 

He hears Baji sigh.

"So it's going to be like this? Fine." 

Keisuke leaves his room and Chifuyu is left devastated. 

He regrets it immediately and part of him wants to call out for Baji to stay, but he w9ny do that.

He needs this, he needs to stay in his own room for the night. 

He needs to detox from Baji's addictive presence.  Need to remember what it's like to breathe out of his air. Or Chifuyu feels like he's going to go crazy, that he's going to say something crazy and end it all.

But Chifuyu doesn't have time to wrap his head around it, not when Keisuke is coming back to his room with his pillows in hands. 

He could try not to look, but it's too late. Baji knows he is awake and knows he has already seen him.

"At least move a little for me," Baji says and there's something different about the way he says it, his voice is rigid, but Chifuyu can feel the tone of question and the curve of insecurity, “You should know by now that I can’t sleep without you.”

And that should mean something.  Chifuyu is sure so, he just can't pinpoint what.

“Look, Fuyu. I shouldn't have said that-” Baji says this as he sits on the bed, Chifuyu still has his back to the room, but Baji's weight next to his on the bed is unmistakable.

“It’s fine. You were right, it’s your room anyways.” Chifuyu tries to be logical about it, but his voice cracks making him sound more like a spoiled child.

Keisuke touches his shoulder as if asking Chifuyu to look him in the eyes, but he knows it's a little more than that.  Baji feels that he is easily misunderstood due to the harsh way he speaks, he usually has to try harder to be understood than most people and he doesn't like that.

Chifuyu turns towards him still covered by the blanket as if that would protect him from being hurt, but he can do at least that, look into Baji's eyes while talking to him so that he feels like he is being seen.

“Fucking no," Baji says and everything about him seems to reaffirm this, the intensity of his gaze and the wrinkles between his eyes, the firm hands on Chifuyu's shoulder as if he would run away at any moment, "Why would you listen to what I say, Fuyu? I’m stupid, remember?” Baji says and Chifuyu hates it.

He hates it when Baki calls himself stupid and hates everything that makes him feel that way.

“You’re not," Chifuyu says with certainty in his voice, "but I’m not in the mood to defend you right now.”

And now that he's looking at Baji, he looks even more intense. His hands left Chifuyu's shoulders and went between his hands.

“Fuck, fucking, Fuyu. Don’t defend me then, just- I took your stuff to my room and it’s not really just my room anymore, is it?" He doesn't know what is the correct answer for this, not after what happened, but Baji seems to know, "It’s ours and I shouldn’t have said that shit to you. And fuck, this is hard.”

“You’re doing good.” Chifuyu tries to make a joke.

“Hah! Don't make me laugh, I'm doing something important over here," Baji touches his hair gently, "I already told you, don’t defend me. I’m not good with this shit, but you should know that I didn’t mean to. What I said before and the way I said it, I mean.”

Chifuyu lets the weight of Baji's hand in his hair comfort him for a few seconds, but he can't forget what just happened. He can't allow himself to forget. Because Baji is a good friend and always gives and gives until he can't anymore, so Chifuyu needs to be the one who draws the line.

But not tonight. Tonight Chifuyu just has to close his eyes and sleep. Whatever he needs to think about can wait until tomorrow.

“It’s ok," He says and it's not true. The lie has a bitter taste in his mouth and Baji knows it, Chifuyu doesn't know what gave him away, but Baji doesn't seem to be buying that excuse at all, "I won’t bother you anymore with this.”

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will do what needs to be done.

“No!" Baji protests, his voice sounds frustrated, which means there's still something Chifuyu didn't get from what he was trying to convey, "You don’t get it. You should bother me, that's what I mean!”

“You’re making nonsense.” Chifuyu blinks slowly in Baji's direction as if that would make him understand the man sitting next to him.

“You can bother me whatever you want, I let you, ok?" Chifuyu has no idea when he ended up sitting on the bed, but it doesn't matter, because Baji's hands are holding his face and those eyes are staring at him as if he were the only person in the world, "You’re allowed to bother me with whatever shit you think I’m doing wrong.”

“But you said-”

“Fuck me.” Baji's response is so immediate and sincere that it makes Chifuyu smile, “Oh god, not like, maybe but that’s not the fucking point-" Baji hides his face and Chifuyu can't help but find it adorable. God help him, because he's hopeless, "Fuck what I said. You were right about the damn wet towel, I won’t let it on the bed anymore. I don’t want you to stay in this room or if you do, I’m moving here too. Yeah, that's about right.”

Chifuyu can appreciate the great effort he sees that Baji is putting into organizing that whole train of thought. But he's not convinced.

“You sure, Baji-san? Because I told you before, you can’t just tell to fuck off everytime-” Chifuyu speaks and his voice sounds fearful, which is good. Even though his heart belongs to Baji, he cannot allow him to have his way with this.

“I’m sure, Fuyu. So fucking sure.”

Chifuyu bites his lip and looks back at Baji. His eyes continue to stare at you insanely intensely.

Chifuyu can't think coherently like that.

“We will talk tomorrow.” He firmly announces.

“What?” Baji looks at him like a child who just got scolded by his mother, “Fuyu, please. Look, if we fight again, you can send me to the couch or-”

It's tempting, but Chifuyu has already got it in his head and isn't going to change his mind.

“No, Baji-san.” He says, “We will talk tomorrow.”

Because I don’t think I can keep doing this.

I'm too weak when it comes to you.

“Right.” Baji grudgingly agrees. “But can I sleep here today?”

And to that, Chifuyu can't say no. He's already there anyway and Chifuyu will use any available excuse on his behalf, because the undeniable truth is that he wants this too, wants to keep sleeping with Baji as if it means something.

Chifuyu moves a little further on the bed, making room for Baji to lie down next to him as usual. The bed is not as comfortable as Baji's, because it had already been softened by the many nights they had slept there, but Chifuyu wasn't going to complain, he could sleep anywhere if he had the weight of Baji's body by his side.

“C’mon here.” He said and Baji's entire face lit up.

He cursed the moment he convinced himself he could do this, that he could live with Baji and control his feelings at the same time. He clearly couldn't do that.

Baji moved on the bed for a while until he managed to find a comfortable position.

“Better now?” Chifuyu asked.

"Not yet," Baji continued to move and get closer and closer to Chifuyu, only when he managed to fit his face into the curve between Chifuyu's neck and shoulder did he seem to settle down, "Now yes."

Chifuyu took a deep breath, that should be his curse. 

Baji was always close enough to his touch, but he could never truly be his.

"Good night, Baji-san." Chifuyu says to no one in particular, after all, he also knows Baji's breathing and knows that he is already asleep.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow we will talk.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER 6

They don't talk about the night before. At least, they don't talk about it in the normal way or in the way that would be expected.

Because when the next morning comes in, Chifuyu wakes up in Baji's arms - which is nothing new, but it would still make his heart race. But it didn’t feel wrong, Chifuyu refused to think it did. This was good, a good thing - or at least, it should be good, it’s what Chifuyu tries to convince himself. 

The tangle of Baji's hair is all over his body and he can't help but smell his shampoo even though an entire night has passed.

He doesn't know exactly what the rules are for this, for their relationship and everything else that goes unsaid between them. 

Because this time they're not in Baji's room, where this proximity was allowed - or was it not? No, they're in Chifuyu's room and things weren't right the night before.

Chifuyu decided to get up sooner and he finds it difficult to free himself from Baji, but once again, nothing out of the ordinary for them.

Peke J greets him with a meow that could mean 'good morning' or 'put food in my bowl immediately, human' and Chifuyu knows as well as he knows all the other facts that the second option is the most likely and yet he whispers a small 'Good morning, Peke J.'

The kitchen looks like a mess, which was also to be expected. Chifuyu and Baji normally tidy up everything together before going to bed, but because their nighttime habits were suddenly changed the night before, neither of them tidied anything up. But he does the job, because he can’t stand seeing all that mess and after tidying everything up, Chifuyu also decided that he would make breakfast and it wasn't what he normally did, however Baji was still sleeping and he was hungry.

However it didn't take long for the boy with messy black hair to appear in the kitchen, following the smell of the food. He didn't say anything, but Chifuyu knew how to recognize Baji's presence even without any announcement like the whole atmosphere changed just because he was there.

Baji sat on the chair facing the kitchen and watched Chifuyu without saying a word, as if he was studying him. It would be good if he got some answers from this study, because Chifuyu had no idea how he was feeling right now.

"Fuyu," Baji is the one who tries to break this colossal wall placed between them.

It has to be him.

"Hmm?" Chifuyu responds this time by turning towards Baji, but without leaving the stove.

"Why are you cooking?" He asked and Chifuyu could hear the 'I'm the one who normally does this' between the lines.

Different from what others might think, Baji was a man of routines and he wasn't a big fan of surprises.

"I woke up first," Chifuyu replied neutrally, "And I was hungry."

"Should I go clean the room?" Keisuke asked.

"Why would you?"

And Baji doesn't seem to have an answer for that. 

Chifuyu can feel his frustration from across the room, he knew he wasn't being fair, but it felt like something he needed to do.

Taking matters into their own hands because if they were to live together, Chifuyu would need to be firm about some things. And also because the taste of rejection still bittered his taste and turned his stomach. It wasn't fair, because Baji didn't even know what he had done and even if he did he had no responsibility for it, but still Chifuyu couldn't help but feel that way.

Chifuyu is startled when he feels Baji behind him, although the sensation is familiar, it doesn't feel right this time.

Was it ever right for him to allow himself to have this? He wasn’t sure about the answer for that question.

But before Chifuyu has the chance to run away, Baji pushes him away from the stove and takes the spatula from his hands and starts stirring the eggs in the pan.

He must have felt too , Chifuyu thought, that it wouldn't be right. Because it wasn’t fair if Chifuyu was the only one being affected by it.

But he is soon taken out of his thoughts when he hears the sound of the toaster letting him know that the toast was ready. 

When had Baji placed the loaves there?

Chifuyu made to turn to the toaster, but Baji was faster than him and in one quick movement took Chifuyu from the kitchen, picked up the bread and placed it on the plate in front of him and placed the scrambled eggs on top.

"Fuyu, just sit pretty in the chair and let's eat." He said and Chifuyu did what he was told, after all what else could he do when he was so hungry?

They sat down and ate almost immediately until there was nothing left. Chifuyu continued to feel the thoughtful look on him, he was probably waiting for the conversation he said they would have the next morning, the problem was that Chifuyu didn't know how to say "I think it for the best to give you a little more space before you get completely sick of me" without sounding pathetic.

“Baji-san.” Chifuyu was just testing out his name in his own mind like he normally did, but in the end he had actually said it out loud.

In front of him, he saw Baji freeze for a second. Chifuyu didn't remember ever having that effect on Baji, but he didn't know if he liked it. He didn't like Baji's body becoming rigid in his presence as if Chifuyu was going to fight him. But it was only fair since Chifuyu’s world always had stopped when Baji had said his name.

"I'll do better," Baji responded immediately, as if it were on the tip of his tongue, but Chifuyu took a little longer to understand, "I'll try harder and I'll pay more attention so I don't give you any more work."

Chifuyu slowly blinks at him.

"Baji-san!" He sounded more serious this time, he needed Baji to understand,  because Chifuyu was pretty sure he was getting it all wrong, "You don't have to do all that! Of course, I would appreciate it if there wasn't a wet towel on the bed and if you closed the bathroom door when you were going to use it... But it's not about that that I was upset about!"

"Are you sure?” Baji sounded confused, “You seemed pretty upset yesterday about the towel..."

"I need you to tell me when you don't want me around anymore." Chifuyu said right away, because there's no other way of saying it.

"Oh?” He took his time to understand Chifuyu's words, “What the fuck are you talking about?"

"We can fight about trivial things around the house and sort it out later, but I need you to tell me when you want to be alone." Chifuyu tried to sound as serious as possible, he needed this for Baji to understand too, "I can't read your mind and tell you when you don't want me around anymore."

Still, the expression on Baji's face gives away that he doesn't seem to understand everything that is being said and if he does understand, he doesn't like it.

"Of course you can't, that never happens." Baji sounds indignant as he says this, but Chifuyu doesn't allow his mind to wander. He knows better than that. Baji probably thinks he's referring to friendship.

"Baji-san-" Chifuyu says without trying to think of what to say next. He just sounded tired.

"What you're saying doesn't make any sense," This time it's Baji who seems to be trying to sound very clear so that Chifuyu doesn't get confused, "If you don't want the towel on the bed, I can take it away, I can close the bathroom door, make breakfast and clean the room too. All because I want you around, that's what I'm trying to say-"

It's ridiculous and stupid. This whole argument is because Baji doesn't see their relationship in the same light that Chifuyu does.

"But yesterday.-" He tries again, but Baji is faster.

"Yesterday I was tired and my day was horrible. I ended up being stupid, but it still doesn't mean I didn't want you around." Chifuyu lets his shoulders slump. 

There's no reason to fight Baji over this now.

"And you're not just saying that out of politeness?" He asked just to be sure and because he needed Baji to be sure about this too.

"When have I said anything to be polite?" That's what he responds to, and in other circumstances this would have gotten a smile from Chifuyu, but that's not the case now.

"I still need you to tell me." Chifuyu was tired, but he still needed to be firm about it.

"Aren't you listening to what I'm saying?" 

"Baji-san." Chifuyu persists.

"I'll say it!” Baji stands in front of Chifuyu and holds onto both of his arms tightly, “I promise! It won't happen, but I promise!" 

Chifuyu relaxes into Baji's touch and feels like a weight is lifted from his shoulders. But the man in front of him still doesn't look satisfied. Baji's hands that used to touch his arms now hold his hands in between the two of them.

"Are you going back to our room now? Nothing against the mattress you chose, but-" He asked in a near whisper.

"I-"

"If you don't want it anymore I need you to say it too." Suddenly Baji speaks loud enough for the entire house to hear, even though there are only them and Peke J there.

"I want it! It's not about that, Baji-san..." Chifuyu answered immediately and faster than he wanted.

"Then don't complicate things!" He could see by the way Baji carried himself that he's serious about this. 

That was Baji Keisuke he knew.

Once again, Chifuyu felt that he could not fight for long against that force of nature in the form of a man that was in front of him.

"Okay, okay. I'll go back to the room, but you can't tell me to leave anymore or next time I won't-" All he could do was stand firm for himself.

"There won't be a next time. It's our room! I'll get rid of the other bed and if anything happens you can send me to the couch or the floor..." Baji continued to speak without ever letting go of Chifuyu's hand.  He wondered if Baji knew, if he even felt a micro-spark.

"You don't need to get rid of the other bed, what if one of our friends needs it?" Chifuyu pointed out.

"Why the hell would I put one of them here?" Baji asked seriously.

"You say that now, but when Kazutora is drunk and doesn't want to drive back home-" Chifuyu continued to fight for the bed he had chosen.

"He can sleep on the floor, he's a big boy now. I'm going to set that bed on fire-" Baji ruled out even that option.

"Why declare war against a bed?"

Baji just laughed like a pyromaniac.

-

Chifuyu was attached to spring, as much as he liked winter and other seasons, spring for him always meant a fresh start and that was what he hoped to have now, a good fresh start. Not that Chifuyu wanted to leave anything behind, no. He wanted to start over in college while carrying all of his past with him.

The anxiety only grew as the day it began approached. Chifuyu couldn't stop thinking that it would be the first time he would take a class without having the comfort of knowing that Baji was right in the next classroom, he still didn't know what to do with that information.

He wasn't the first Toman to decide to go to college, of course. Chifuyu knew that the year before both Pah-chin and Koko had entered college and surprisingly Taiju too. And this year Chifuyu at least wasn't alone, Takemitch was at the same college as him and even though it wasn't the same course it was already a comfort for Chifuyu.

On the first day of school, Chifuyu regretted not buying his own motorcycle all those years ago. College wasn't far away, after all the reason he moved with Baji was precisely college, but still.

Takemichi stopped by their apartment that morning, as Chifuyu felt more confident having a familiar face around at least on the way to college. He was exactly their first friend to visit the place, Chifuyu wanted to schedule something for everyone to go to, but it had become difficult to find a date that fit everyone's schedule.

That morning, as usual, Keisuke had made breakfast and Chifuyu was happy to report that he seemed increasingly capable of handling a stove. But unlike usual, he went to work a little later.

"I can't believe that in all this time, you still don't own a motorcycle," Takemichi commented. He didn't sound angry, just surprised and defeated when he realized that they would have to walk anyway.

"I never had the need," Chifuyu replied. It was partly true, at one time he had even thought about buying one, he even saved up for a few months for it. He just couldn't remember what had made him give up.

"Ah, that 's because of Baji-kun! He spoiled you too much," He said and Chifuyu blushed at an absurd speed.

"He didn't-" Chifuyu tried to defend Baji and himself, but was interrupted.

"Damn right I do, idiot" Baji shouted from his room and just by the tone of his voice, Chifuyu knew he was smiling.

Bastard.

"Don't listen to Baji-san, he doesn't know what he's talking about," Chifuyu said then.

"Can't he take one at a time on the bike?" Takemichi asked and in his defense, Chifuyu knew he had already walked quite a distance to the apartment he shared with Baji, "I'm sure if you ask..."

"Hah," Baji left the room and appeared hiding against the wall, "What makes you think I'd let you sit in the backseat of my motorcycle?"

"You drive Chifuyu up and down all the time!" Takemichi accused.

"He's my vice captain," Baji replied, simple as that.

"Toman is over!" Takemitch protested and Chifuyu tried not to think about the quick look of pain that passed through Keisuke's eyes, "And you've known me the longest."

"He's still mine," Baji said, perhaps too quickly.

Chifuyu didn't know if he had heard correctly, but he must have since Takemichi was looking at him as if asking him to elaborate and Baji looked like he was about to hide his face somewhere.

"Best friend?" Takemichi tried to save the situation.

"This is Kazutora," Chifuyu said without knowing why.

"Roommate?" He tried again.

Keisuke looked like he was about to explode, Chifuyu was trying to go over to him and shake him just to make sure he was okay.

"He's mine," Keisuke repeated with more conviction this time, which made Chifuyu's legs tremble, "That's all."

Chifuyu didn't have an answer for that. Not a question. Or a sentence. Or even a thought. All he had in his head was a scream that echoed in the deepest parts of his being.

"Well, I'm sure that's something Mikey would love to hear!" He mentioned it and Chifuyu had to be quick.

Quickly, he grabbed his backpack and everything he had already separated to take with him. He grabbed the keys that contained more keychains than actual keys and pulled Takemichi from their dining table.

"Let's go quickly, or we'll be late," Chifuyu said, pulling him by the arm while Takemichi had bread in his mouth.

"I'm still hmping!" He tried to speak, but Chifuyu ignored him.

"See you later at home, Baji-san! Good job today! Don't forget to lock the house and drink water, we're on our way!" Chifuyu shouted goodbye phrases until he heard the door close.

With a sigh, he hurriedly entered the elevator while ignoring Takemichi's presence and trying to control his heartbeat. If it were someone else with him, Chifuyu would even try to pretend normality, but the truth was that Takemichi always knew about his feelings. Before Chifuyu told him, which was surprising because Takemichi was extremely slow to understand feelings.

"You should-" Takemichi started to speak, but Chifuyu already knew where this was going.

"Not another word, or neither you nor I will make it to class today." He threatened and Takemichi shut up.

That was what no one understood, maybe if Chifuyu liked Baji less he could talk about it. Confessing as he was expected to do, but after everything they had built together, he couldn't risk it. Not now when everything was so good, not when they were living together.

-

Chifuyu's first week at college turned out not to be what he expected. During the entire first week, he didn't have a single real class, the majority of the program was focused on getting to know the college campus and attending lectures on various topics. They also had activities to help the freshmen feel more welcomed at the beginning, which Chifuyu had to admit was cool.

Apparently it was common in university life for them to get together to eat and drink in bars and restaurants around the university. Chifuyu had attended a few, but overall, he preferred to go home early to meet Baji and Peke J for dinner.

Chifuyu didn't like the hierarchical aspect within the faculties. Just like in gangs, there was a hierarchy to follow and veterans were known to take advantage of this. Fortunately for Chifuyu, the senior who was responsible for him and a few other students from the same course as him didn't seem to be that type. So far he had been nothing but helpful and cordial.

Still, Chifuyu doesn't feel that comfortable with the situation. The only time he had actually followed someone of his own free will was when he met Baji, other than that, he didn't have the same motivation.

Of course he was loyal to other people. Mikey had been Toman's commander and Takemichi was his best friend, Chifuyu had even followed Kazutora based on nothing but loyalty, but each case was different and none were like Baji. Not for him at least.

The very word 'senpai' had a strange taste in his mouth, but he supposed he would have to get used to it.

On Friday, with freshman week coming to an end, Chifuyu had no choice but to accept the invitation to the bar they invited him to, but of course. He wouldn't go alone, so he decided to drag Takemichi with him.

Luckily for him, the Cinema course had also arranged to meet at the same bar which was extremely convenient for him.

"Wait a minute, Chifuyu," Takemichi said, "Let me just send a message to Hina."

"You're right," Chifuyu said, letting go of his friend's arm, "I have to tell Baji-san that I'll be late!"

It was clear that Chifuyu already had some drink in his glass and Takemichi just looked at him suspiciously, but then went back to his connection with Hina.

Chifuyu wasn't old enough to drink yet, but this wasn't his first time on a long shot. During their years at Toman, on some special occasions they shared alcoholic drinks. Chifuyu remembered very well the time when they asked Draken to get the drinks and he went reluctantly, because he said it wasn't the right thing to do.

This moral compass did not affect the first division, as he remembered seeing all the members of the first division drinking, including their captain.

Anyway, Chifuyu didn't consider himself weak to drink either.

So during that night, he drank, ate and chatted with his new course mates. He knew it was important to have a good relationship with these people if he really intended to finish his degree. Which meant he also had to get along with his seniors, so he pushed his discomfort aside and tried.

He tried, tried and tried until he was sick of it. And drinking made everything easier. He felt lighter and it was easier to just let it go.

Chifuyu had already lost sight of Takemichi a few minutes ago and everything seemed to spin when he got up, the voices were already incomprehensible around him and even the smell of the food seemed to make him sick. 

He knew it was time for him to stop.

At a table further away, Chifuyu sat down and asked for water. As he waited, he lowered his head and closed his eyes. It wasn't the smartest choice to make, but Chifuyu was doing his best to avoid vomiting in the middle of the establishment.

Suddenly, Chifuyu feels a hand touch his hair. He immediately thinks it might be someone with the water he asked for, but then he feels a hand reach down and stroke his hair.

His entire body freezes for a second, but in the next instant, Chifuyu raises his head with a defiant look in his eyes towards the owner of the hand. He was a familiar face, but that didn't give him confidence, after all, Chifuyu didn't know him that well.

"Are you well?" The veteran asked.

The guy’s name was Daiki - Chifuyu was pretty sure about that. The veteran that was responsible for introducing him, and a small group of five people, to the university.

He was also the one who invited Chifuyu to the bar.

"I'm fine," Chifuyu responded immediately, moving as far away from his touch as he could.

"Are you sure?" He asked and sat down next to Chifuyu, "I can order you some water."

"I already ordered!" Chifuyu said startledly.

Chifuyu had no idea why he was behaving like this. Whatever this was shouldn't mean anything, yet he couldn't help but feel like there was something he wasn't seeing there.

When he finally saw someone with water walking towards him, Chifuyu thanked the heavens, but not for long. Before the water bottle found his hand, it ended up in Daiki's hand, who, in a quick movement, spin the bottle and placed it against Chifuyu's forehead.

He didn't have much time to think about what was happening.

After all, what the fuck was that?

Chifuyu took the bottle into his own hands and opened it, drinking all the liquid inside in one go.

He needed to sober up soon.

Daiki, who was in front of him, just laughed and said, "Sorry, I should have asked earlier."

"I'm just thirsty," Chifuyu said defensively.

"No problem," He maintained a good mood, "You're a cute guy, Chifuyu."

That was enough.

Was this guy flirting with him?

Whatever it was, Chifuyu needed to get out of there soon. Later, he might blame the alcohol for making him rough, but he couldn't deal with that now.

Chifuyu had never thought about anyone other than Baji, whether romantically or in terms of attraction. Whatever was happening there, it wasn't good. Not good.

And that guy wasn't nearly as attractive as Baji.

Chifuyu couldn't do that.

“Takemichi! Let’s go!” Chifuyu screamed and ran off the bar as fast as he could.

-

Takemichi followed Chifuyu as far as he could, but Chifuyu didn't stop running anytime soon.  He could see that his friend was getting tired, but he couldn't let himself stop.

He still felt his face burn from the way his senior touched him, but at the same time Chifuyu didn't feel proud about it.

Out of breath, he stopped to breathe, which gave Takemichi time to catch up. He still didn't feel sober, in fact it was almost the opposite, his head and steps seemed lighter as if the physical effort he had made now had made him even more afraid.

"Chifuyu!" Takemichi called out his friend's name, "Wait for me! I already called Baji-kun, he's coming."

The mere mention of Baji made Chifuyu calm down, he stopped to observe the surroundings for a moment.

Oh yes. Baji would know where they were. The two of them had been there many times before, a small square where in the morning parents took their children to play and in the evening it was known for being the meeting point for some gangs. Chifuyu had fought alongside Baji against some of these gangs, they had won and were left lying on the ground while they bled and watched the stars.

That was one of the good nights.

Draken had already said something about only being able to observe the sky after being defeated, Chifuyu understood the feeling, but he had never lost being next to Baji. Every time they fought alongside each other, Chifuyu felt like they were invincible. Even grown up, he still believed that.

Chifuyu knew that Baji had arrived by the sound of Goki's engine.

He didn't need to try hard to know that it was Baji or to guess how he was dressed, probably with the leather jacket that was stored behind the door.

Chifuyu didn't move, firstly because he didn't believe he could take many steps now and secondly because he knew Baji would come to him.

"Baji-kun!" Takemichi spoke, calling Baji in the direction where they were. The long-haired man had an almost indecipherable expression on his face. Almost. Because Chifuyu had a hunch about it.

He seemed curious.

"Why are you here?" Baji asked and Chifuyu knew the question was directed at him, however, he still decided to let Takemichi answer, which he did. Takemichi recounted every detail of their day until they reached the bar, Chifuyu could see the frustration growing in Baji's expressions, but he seemed too curious to interrupt Takemichi.

"Then this guy, the senior, got close to Chifuyu's face and put the water bottle like he was feeling sick and then Chifuyu ran!" Takemichi's voice echoed between them, but Chifuyu could only watch Keisuke now.

He couldn't tell what kind of expression he had on his face now, but there was a shadow in his eyes.

"Did he say anything to you?" Baji asked, not bothering to interrupt his childhood friend this time. Chifuyu shook his head. "Did he do something?"

"It wasn't like that, Baji-san," He finally replied, "He didn't provoke me or anything."

"Oh!" Takemichi seemed to understand, "He was flirting."

There is this small moment where the exchange of glances between Chifuyu and Baji seems to pierce a new layer of intimacy. Chifuyu can't decipher with whose eyes Baji is watching him now.

Does he feel disgusted by Chifuyu letting another guy flirt with him or has he just never seen Chifuyu like that before? It's easier to assume the worst, but he would never do that about Baji.

"I want to go home," Chifuyu said.

He can feel the reluctance in Baji's eyes to look away and watch Takemichi. Baji would never leave his friend abandoned in the middle of the night, he knows that much.

Baji leaves their sight for a second when he comes back there is a taxi following him. He puts Takemichi inside and gives instructions to his friend's address. In the end, Takemichi waves to Chifuyu from the backseat of the taxi, leaving only him and Baji at the mercy of the night.

Baji watches Chifuyu for a moment and gives a sigh, he bends down in front of him with his knees almost touching the ground and says, "Come on, come on up."

Chifuyu takes a few seconds to understand what is being offered to him there.

The lines and boundaries of his relationship with Baji seem to be increasingly blurred.

"Baji-san, I don't think that's a good idea," Chifuyu finds the strength to speak.

"It's just until we get to the bike," Baji says and this time Chifuyu agrees.

As he climbs onto Baji's back and feels his warmth, Chifuyu thinks of the thousands of times he has read scenes like this in the romance mangas he likes. Baji of course probably wasn't aware of this, but Chifuyu feared that his heartbeat against his back would give him away.

He got off as soon as they arrived in front of the bike and the cold of the night immediately took over his body, but not for long, because when Chifuyu got on the bike he didn't even wait for Baji to offer.

He hugged him immediately.

They don't talk while they go up the stairs or while they get ready for bed, which Chifuyu is grateful for. He doesn't trust the words that would come out of his mouth to Baji about the influence of alcohol and the influence of his former captain's sharp gaze.

Chifuyu can't think straight to decipher Baji's predatory gaze on him so it's better this way.

As he lies down on the bed, Chifuyu tries not to think about it and just accepts Baji's warm body against his.

Just before he falls completely asleep, he feels Baji's lips against his forehead and in a whisper, he hears, “Don’t go out and let other guys touch your face like that, Fuyu.” 

“Just wait a little bit more for me.”

Chifuyu was sure if this was real or if he was dreaming already.

-

Chifuyu woke up, but refused to open his eyes right away. Whatever had happened the night before, that wasn't something he wanted to deal with right now. Baji's words still reverberated throughout his body and that was all unfair.

Baji was a man who was more fair than unfair most of the time and yet, Chifuyu felt every fiber of his body vibrate with excitement for whatever his actions were.

He had no choice but to leave the man with long black hair lying on the bed to start his day. Chifuyu was out of the house before Baji even woke up.

It was difficult not to think about Baji in everyday life when everything reminded him of the older boy. Chifuyu had the act of thinking about Baji as a second nature that was embedded in his body since when he met the then first division captain of Toman, whether out of admiration or concern, thinking about Baji became natural for him.

Now however, Chifuyu felt that he had to control his own thoughts and force himself in class.

Over time it would get easier, or at least that's what he tried to convince himself.

Classes that morning were normal, as expected when starting college. The nerves in Chifuyu's class seemed excited and anxious, the kind that only exists among college freshmen, who need to belong and make new friends.

Chifuyu understood this in part and at least at the time he felt that he already had enough friends or at least the friends he had were already worth another hundred. Even so, he did his best to fit in, because that also came naturally to him. Chifuyu has had a hard time making new friends and fitting in, but he never took it seriously and when he was introduced to Toman, it was kind of the shock treatment for him.

At the end of the day, Chifuyu had three new potential friends, but that was something only the future would tell him. Upon leaving the last class, Chifuyu looked for Takemichi around the campus, but as he was not familiar with the place, this proved to be a difficult task.

And since it was easier for lightning to strike him than for Takemichi to answer the damn phone, Chifuyu was tempted to leave without him.

Near the campus exit, Chifuyu has a feeling of deja-vu. Near the orange trees where university students normally park their cars and motorcycles, he thinks he is seeing a hallucination.

It is correct to say that sometimes he got lost in his daydreams, but this was too much even for him.

Because he sees Baji right there. He was leaning against the bike in the same way that Chifuyu had seen him do several times and he had his hair partially tied up, which meant that he had probably tried to tie everything up and hadn't liked the result.

So beautiful that Chifuyu could die right there.

He didn't seem friendly at all and a smile didn't even come close to his face until he laid his eyes on Chifuyu.

He captured almost in slow motion the changes in Baji's expression, how he went from that frowning delinquent face to the softer and almost happy look.

It really wasn't fair.

Chifuyu doesn't even process the information properly, in the next few seconds they are already walking towards Baji.

"What are you doing here?" Chifuyu asks when he gets in front of Baji.

"I was passing by and I thought you might want a ride home," Baji said and Chifuyu knew that wasn't the whole truth, but he would accept it anyway. Baji would probably tell him the truth when he was ready.

"I need to find Takemichi," Chifuyu remembered, after all he wasn't going to abandon his partner.

"I saw him a few minutes ago, he's already gone." Baji stated.

"That idiot!" Chifuyu thought aloud.

"Ah, calm down, Fuyu," Baji smiled in that predatory way that Chifuyu liked so much, "I told him to go ahead because I was here." Waiting for you, it remains unsaid.

"So what are we waiting for? Let's go home, Baji-san."

Chifuyu gets on the bike with Baji once again without any worries in sight.

This happens again and again.

Baji appears at the college gates every day with a new excuse, Chifuyu may not be so quick-witted, but even he had noticed and could no longer buy such excuses. And everyday Takemichi would pass by Baji and just laugh before continuing on his way.

Again and again.

Chifuyu didn't mind, but maybe he should. However, he liked the idea of having someone waiting for him at home - it wasn't just an idea, not anymore. And having Baji waiting for him after class always seemed just as good too.

Chifuyu allows himself to be carried away by the comfort of that routine, but things wouldn't be the same forever. One day among many others - he was almost sure that two weeks after the start of his classes, he was surprised by something.

It wasn't common, but every now and then Chifuyu's class would be released a little early. On one of those days, Chifuyu found only Goki parked in the university parking lot, but no sign of Baji in sight. 

Chifuyu hadn't even considered looking for him, since he could simply wait for Baji to return, but still, his eyes caught Baji talking to someone else.

It shouldn't have been as surprising as it actually was, especially given the fact that Chifuyu knew that person. Before those long-dormant feelings of jealousy and insecurity took over him, Chifuyu noticed that the person Baji was talking to was Daiki, the same senpai who had offered him the bottle of water and touched his face that first day.

How did Baji know him? If he really knew him, that's it.

You also didn't need to be a master at reading Baji to guess that he didn't seem happy at all when having that conversation, whatever it was, it made Baji use his ex-captain aura, one that was imposing enough to make enemies tremble before the fight even began.

Chifuyu thought twice before intervening, he held onto the backpack strap tightly before working up the courage to take the first step.

It wasn't like he was afraid of Baji, not now and not ever. He trusted Baji enough not to interfere with whatever his motives were. Still, if Baji's motive was Chifuyu, then he had no choice but to intervene.

Fortunately that doesn't seem to be necessary.

Baji looked threatening while talking to Daiki and despite having him against the wall, he soon walked away. Chifuyu knew how to read his movements, and years of fighting side by his side had taught him that much.

The message was given. 

Or at least Baji believed so.

He walked away from Daiki and took a few steps without a sound. From Chifuyu's point of view, this could only mean that he was walking aimlessly out of anger, but that didn't seem right, maybe it was something similar, but not exactly that. Not knowing exactly what Baji was thinking was disconcerting. Chifuyu didn’t like it.

"Baji-san!" Chifuyu's mouth was faster than his mind and he found himself shouting his captain's name in the middle of the parking lot.

Baji's lost gaze quickly gained focus and he directed his steps towards Chifuyu. He even tried to pretend that nothing had happened.

Baji came face to face with Chifuyu this time and before he could say anything, Baji's arms were around his waist. Chifuyu did his best not to short circuit while Baji's head found rest on his shoulder and his hands pulled him close.

This was unlike anything they had done before. Different because they weren't at home protected by that comforting and familiar environment where things were what they were without needing further definitions. It was different because they were in public and anyone could see them and assume whatever they wanted about that scene. It was different because a selfish part inside Chifuyu liked it, wanted people to see it at the same time as his cheeks burned the brightest shade of scarlet.

"Chifuyu," Baji said almost like a prayer, "Fuyu."

He had difficulty breathing.

"Yeah?" Chifuyu responded, ridiculously.

"I don't like this guy," Baji confessed.

He couldn't contain his laughter.

"Really? I wouldn't have noticed." Chifuyu jokes, because that was the only thing he could do.

Chifuyu didn't know what had changed between them, but all that was an indication that something had changed. He didn't want to occupy his head with worries that weren't useful at the moment.

He could tell that Baji was looking for words to explain himself now, but perhaps Chifuyu was the one who wasn't ready to hear them yet.

"How did you know it was him?" He asked instead.

"Takemichi." Baji answered.

Obviously.

"What did you say to him?" Chifuyu asked, after all, he was the one who would deal with the future consequences, "You know he didn't do anything big, Baji-san. It was just a..."

"I know what it was." Baji told him and left everything else unsaid along the way.

Chifuyu stared at Baji long enough that it seemed strange to anyone passing by. There was something behind those eyes, something that Baji hadn't yet spoken about, but that he had already noticed. None of this was normal. Their relationship was no longer common for two friends.

Whether it was the long stares or the subtle touches. The room they shared, as well as the cat and the apartment. None of Chifuyu's other friends held him in the middle of the night like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Baji had finally noticed.

Chifuyu didn't know what this meant for them yet.

"Let's go home, Baji-san." Those were the only words he could say.

And Baji followed him.

Whatever Baji said to Daiki that day, he didn't go after Chifuyu anymore.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER 7

Chifuyu wished he had more time to prepare, but the truth was, he should have known.

Every year, he visited his grandparents' house in Osaka with his mother, but these visits usually took place during the summer holidays, when they had all the time in the world to plan and spend a few days there.
This year, however, he would have to make the trip during the college term and, luckily or not, he’d only be gone for a weekend.

Festival weekend.

It’s not like Chifuyu had anything scheduled, unlike Baji, but it wasn’t like he had nothing, either. The fun thing about their little traditions was that they didn’t need to talk about them out loud: it was a holiday, and there was a festival, Baji and Chifuyu always did things like that together. It was just how things worked. Things between them were always the unspoken kind.

But that wasn’t all. Traditionally, the former Toman members used to spend dates like this together, like a big extended family, which, in truth, they had become. And traditionally, at the end of every festival, Chifuyu would always return home with Baji, whether it was to the apartment complex where they lived with their mothers, or now, to the house they shared together.

Like he said, tradition.

The good news was that Baji reacted well when Chifuyu told him about the trip, or at least, better than Ryoko did at the idea of leaving her son alone in their house.
“Tell Keisuke to come home during those days, you know how he gets if he’s left alone for too long,” she’d said, after Chifuyu stopped by her place on the way back from visiting his mother.

And she wasn’t wrong. Chifuyu did know how Baji got when left alone for too long. Every time Ryoko went away to visit her parents, Baji’s grandparents, he always refused to go with her, which meant he and Chifuyu ended up spending even more time together.

However, when Baji heard his mother’s message, he said he could very well take care of himself, thank you very much. And he added that if he felt lonely, he’d just call Kazutora to keep him company.

That was a threat in itself.

Now, Chifuyu wasn’t only worried for Baji, but also for the apartment, for Peke J, for the appliances, for the neighbors and of course, for Kazutora.
Chifuyu liked to believe that time had made them wiser, but he feared that wasn’t the reality.

For Chifuyu, he thought this trip might be good for him.
He had always appreciated every moment he got to spend with Baji, but he felt like he was too invested in the whole aura surrounding Keisuke Baji.
The air felt different when Chifuyu was near him, he would even venture to say that gravity itself behaved differently. That had to be the only explanation for how he’d fallen so hopelessly for him.

Maybe having a little distance would help. Maybe he’d finally come to his senses and let go of all these feelings.

Chifuyu felt like he was in a race against time. For what, he couldn’t say. But he recognized the calm before the storm. Something was shifting between them, and Chifuyu didn’t know if he was ready to face it.

Baji had a peculiar way of showing when something bothered him, mainly because he usually said it outright. So when he started walking on eggshells around Chifuyu, it drove him to the brink of a nervous breakdown.

As he packed his bags the night before the trip, Chifuyu could feel Baji’s watchful gaze on him. With his suitcase open on the bed they shared, Chifuyu made little trips to the closet now and then, trying to make sure he had everything. He didn’t want to forget anything. He wanted to prove to his mother that he could take care of himself on his own.

Even Peke J seemed to be rooting for him, the cat sat next to the suitcase, watching each item being packed (or maybe just thinking about climbing in the moment Chifuyu looked away long enough).

Baji was watching him from the bathroom doorway, toothbrush in his mouth. Chifuyu didn’t even short-circuit at the sight of a shirtless Baji after his shower, he was too busy stressing over whether he’d packed enough underwear for three days.

“Fuyu,” Baji said, toothbrush now out of sight. Chifuyu glanced at him over his shoulder. “Are you planning to move there?”

Chifuyu couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, but when he saw the corner of Baji’s mouth twitch into a smile, he had his answer.

“Baji-san! This is important!” he scolded.

“I’m sure it is. Festivals, grandparents, all that stuff. But are five pairs of socks really necessary?”

Chifuyu stared at the suitcase for a whole minute. Yeah... closing it might be a problem.

Baji stepped closer.

Once again, he hugged him from behind and rested his chin on Chifuyu’s shoulder. He seemed to have a special affection for that position and Chifuyu had no complaints. It was comfortable, Baji’s presence made him less nervous. An almost immediate remedy.

“I just don’t want to forget anything,” Chifuyu muttered.

“From what I see, you’re about to take half the house with you,” Baji replied, “You never told me about them.”

Chifuyu could still feel droplets of water from Baji’s post-shower skin on his back. He was still shirtless, of course he was. Baji’s life mission seemed to be making Chifuyu’s life harder every day.

He thought about what he had just said. It was true that Chifuyu didn't talk about his grandparents that much. Every time he had gone to visit them, the routine at his grandparents' house never compared to the adventures that Baji experienced as captain of the First Division of Toman.

“What do you want to know?” he asked.

“Whatever you're willing to talk about,” Baji replied. 

He left the position he was in previously and sat on the bed in the room next to the suitcase. Chifuyu pulled the towel that was around his neck and placed it on Baji's head to help him dry his hair.

Chifuyu forced his memory a little to select what he wanted to tell Baji. What memories did he want to share with him? All of them. 

He always wanted to share everything with Baji.

Then, Chifuyu began to tell the boy sitting in front of him about his grandparents, about the traditional-architecture house they lived in and how Chifuyu loved spending time there when he was a child. Running around the grounds barefoot while his mother screamed at him to put on shoes, or taking a rain shower and playing in the mud. He talked about his grandmother's cooking and how, every time she sees him, she says he's too thin and feeds him like an ox.

“They treat you well then?” Baji listened to everything carefully and asked this at the end.

Chifuyu stopped drying his hair for a second, just to look into Baji's eyes. He wanted to know what kind of expression he was making. Baji's face appeared to have taken on a more serene expression now. Only then did Chifuyu remember a conversation he had many years ago with him.

Just as he didn't talk about his grandparents that much, Baji also acted the same way, but he always refused to go visit them no matter how much Ryoko begged him to go. Once, while she had gone to visit them and Chifuyu spent every day keeping Baji company, he asked why he never wanted to go with her. All Baji had replied was, “They don't like me very much.”

Chifuyu remembered this moment because he had never felt so violent inside as he did that day. How could anyone not like Baji? Aside from anyone else who had been beaten by him, Chifuyu couldn't understand. But it wasn't just that, the feeling, that anger and violence, wasn't due to that. 

It was because of the way Baji had said it.

Like a hurt child.

That was the strangeness Chifuyu had sensed in him about the trip. Baji was worried that Chifuyu's grandparents wouldn't treat him well.

Chifuyu wanted to kiss him. 

This wasn't a new feeling for Chifuyu, far from it, but the motivation was different. He didn't want to kiss him just because he was attracted to him, no, he wanted to kiss him because how could he not want to? How could he not want Baji there with him every moment of the day? What was there not to love about Baji?

Chifuyu wasn't the type of person to hate someone without knowing them, but at that moment he hated Baji's grandparents because they made him think they didn't like Baji.

One day, Chifuyu would ask Baji about this. One day, he hoped Baji would trust him with it.

For today, he took the opportunity to wrap his arms around Baji and hug him. Baji didn't expect this, but he reciprocated anyway, allowing Chifuyu to stand between his legs and hug his waist.

“Come with me next time,” Chifuyu found himself saying. “If you want, of course.”

“Are you sure-” Baji started to speak, but Chifuyu was faster.

“I'm sure. They would love to meet you, you know?” he insisted.

“Ha! No older person is happy when they meet me, Fuyu.”

“They would like it. You. I talk about you every time I go there. They probably feel like they already know you anyway,” Chifuyu confessed as if it didn't matter, but he knew it did. Both for him and for Baji.

Baji pulled away from Chifuyu's embrace only to throw him onto the bed next to him. They didn't have much space due to the suitcases on the bed, so Baji stayed on top of Chifuyu as if that was normal. As if all that was.

“What have you been telling them about me, Fuyu?” Baji asked in a playful tone. “How am I supposed to introduce myself to them if you've already talked about me before?”

“There's no mystery. They already know what you're like.”

“And that should comfort me? Warn a guy, at least. If I'm going to meet your grandparents, you're going to have to take back everything you said about me before,” Baji seemed to be focused on this matter. “You're going to do it this time. I can't let you ruin my image like this.”

Baji was still on top of Chifuyu as he tried not to think about it too much. Baji's weight on him was comfortable, and his hair fell on Chifuyu, as expected. He tucked a strand behind his ear as they continued to debate.

Baji's concern was cute, but Chifuyu wouldn't say that to him. He would just enjoy that moment.

“Who said I'm ruining your image?” he asked, instead.

“What did you tell them, huh?” Baji questioned.

“The truth?” Chifuyu replied in a doubtful tone.

“Exactly!” Baji started smiling like a maniac as he pointed out, “How am I going to make them like me like that?”

“Just be yourself?”

“Ha! Never,” he eliminated the possibility immediately and got off Chifuyu with a red face. “Tell them that I am someone serious, someone trustworthy and serious, and that I treat you very well.” He continued to plan while gesturing.

“But Baji-san,” Chifuyu had more fun than he should have with this, “You are trustworthy, serious, and treat me well!”

“Tell them I'm working hard and we're living well together!” Baji continued the plan.

“Still, Baji-san, it's all true. You're really working hard, and we're really living well!” Chifuyu tried again.

“Well, I’ll think of something!” Baji said as he took the bags off the bed and placed them on the floor.

“Don’t get hurt too much.” Chifuyu settled down on his side of the bed.

“I’ll think about it and tell you tomorrow, and I’ll call you to remind you what to say,” Baji said as he lay down facing Chifuyu on the bed. “That is, if you really want me to meet them one day?”

“I want to, Baji-san. But all this is not necessary...” he reaffirmed.

“Like hell it isn’t. It's your family, you like them, so-”

“And I like you too!” Chifuyu confessed louder than necessary and continued talking as if that would make Baji forget the first part. “So they’ll like you, they already do! Now let’s go to sleep before I decide to pack the kitchen apron too! Good night, Baji-san! Good night, Peke-J!”

Chifuyu covered himself from head to toe while biting his lips. He knew he had said too much, but he couldn’t let Baji continue to worry about something so useless.

It was nothing new, after all. Everyone knew that Chifuyu liked Baji in an unhealthy amount, whether romantic or platonic. Baji himself must have known this too. Chifuyu just didn’t remember saying those words out loud. Maybe when he had started following Baji and shouted to the four corners of the world how he would follow him until the end of days, but this time it was different.

This time it sounded like a confession.

Chifuyu closed his eyes as tightly as if he were a child pretending to be asleep. He didn’t expect to trick Baji—just trick his own mind and convince himself to sleep. But that could never stop him. Baji poked Chifuyu a few times before he decided to answer him.

“Do you want to say something?” Chifuyu asked.

“Just come back home to me, ok?” Baji asked, quietly.

“Of course, Baji-san.”

I would always come back home to you.

-

Chifuyu woke up the next morning to a surprise. A sequence of surprises, to be exact. First, Baji wasn’t at his bedside that morning. It wasn’t that unusual, but it was still a surprise. The second was the peculiar smell that was definitely coming from their kitchen. Baji had already improved his cooking skills, so was this burning smell unusual? The third was what made Chifuyu jump out of bed, Kazutora’s voice shouting, “Get Peke J out of there before he burns his ass!”

That was enough.

Chifuyu drew the line when it came to his cat.

“Why the hell is Kazutora’s voice the first thing I’m hearing this morning?” Chifuyu asked loud enough for the two men in the kitchen to turn in his direction.

“Ah! Hello, Chifuyu. How are you? I’m fine, thanks for asking!” Kazutora, in a more dramatic act, presented a type of conversation they had never had before.

“What are you burning in my kitchen?” he asked instead.

“You want to know something? You’re cute, but I won’t miss you this week!”

It had been a while since Kazutora had called him cute, a few years, in fact. Chifuyu didn’t remember exactly when or why. Maybe it was after that fight when Chifuyu helped him without Baji’s knowledge. Maybe it had nothing to do with it. Anyway, Chifuyu knew that most of the time he did it just to annoy him, but other times he had felt that Kazutora wanted to say something more.

An important detail was that he never said anything like that in front of Baji unless the intention to irritate was clear. Whatever it was, hearing him call it a new era was unexpected, especially in front of Baji.

“Stop this nonsense and turn off the heat!” Baji said, already irritated.

“Seriously, even though he’s pretty, his personality doesn’t make up for it!” Kazutora continued to complain. “I sacrifice my morning sleep and this is how he receives me? Honestly, Baji-”

“Keep talking and I’ll throw you out the window myself!” Baji replied.

“Oh, Baji-kun, I still have eyes, you know,” Kazutora teased. “What happened to bros before hoes? Is our friendship dead after all we went through?”

“Well, thank you, Kazutora-kun,” Chifuyu thanked him even if it was annoying. “But what the hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t listen to what he’s saying, Fuyu,” Baji said directly to Chifuyu. “I called him to help me make breakfast, but I already regretted it.”

“Excellent idea, because Kazutora is known for his quality in cooking, Baji-san,” Chifuyu couldn’t contain his comment. “That’s why Ryoko-san is worried! Goddamn, that’s why I am worried!”

“Don’t you trust me to take care of my best friend?”

“Last time I trusted you to take care of him, you stabbed him!”

“It was an accident,” Kazutora defended himself. “How many times do I have to tell you this?”

“I can take care of myself!” Baji said louder than was necessary.

Kazutora and Chifuyu stared at Baji for a second before ignoring him and going back to arguing.

“Of course I trust Baji-san with my life, but I don’t trust you with him,” Chifuyu concluded, pointing between Baji and Kazutora, “Not him with you. In fact, I don’t trust either of you with my cat or my apartment.”

“Our cat, our apartment,” Baji corrected, “And I can take care of Peke J just fine!”

“Yes, but who will take care of you?” Chifuyu questioned.

“That’s kind of your job,” Baji pointed out.

“Yes, Baji-san, I know!” Chifuyu answered. “That’s kind of the problem here!”

“You guys are annoying. Have you always been this annoying?” Kazutora said as he buttered his toast. “The point is, we can survive a Chifuyuless weekend. Right, Baji?”

Keisuke took a while to respond, so Kazutora had to ask again while Chifuyu raised his eyebrow at them. “Right, Baji?”

“Kazutora is right,” Baji agreed.

“That sounds like the prelude to a tragedy,” Chifuyu said, followed by a sigh.

“That sounds right!” Kazutora said at the same time.

They were lost.

“What the hell is a prelude?” Keisuke asked at the end.

Chifuyu rolled his eyes and sighed. There was nothing else he could do, so he went after Peke J and carried the cat in his arms as he said, “I’m so sorry, Peke J.”

-

Chifuyu decided that the best way to go was without looking back. As he got into the car accompanied by his mother, he said goodbye to Baji and Kazutora while making a silent promise to the gods that no crimes would be committed until his return.

It was a lot to ask of any deity, he knew.  But it didn't hurt to try.

He had also asked Draken to check in on them every now and then just so they would have a trustworthy person with them.

Chifuyu hadn't lied when he said he trusted Baji with his life, that was a decision he had made years ago when Baji were much less trustworthy than nowadays. However, the combination of Baji and Kazutora was a never-ending headache for him, or for Ryoko and even for Mikey - especially when they were at Toman.

Today, Mikey had washed his hands of them, but Chifuyu couldn't do the same.

The trip had been as peaceful as it always was, but not as peaceful as the city they were in.  Osaka was far from being a small city, despite not being Tokyo, but Chifuyu's grandparents still lived in an area far from the center and all the action.

Chifuyu arrived at her grandparents' house on Friday night, close to dinner time. From now on it was 2 days without Baji and he didn't remember the last time that had happened.

But Chifuyu was determined to survive these days without much worry, as soon as he arrived, he spent hours talking to his grandparents and even tried to play a little ‘Go’ with his grandfather, despite him having lost practice in the game a long time ago
After having lost countless rounds and his grandfather was tired of humiliating him, he said "Next time bring that friend of yours."

Chifuyu wasn't expecting the mention of Baji, especially not by his grandfather "What?"

"Your mother said you're living with this boy, the Baji guy?" His grandfather commented as if it wasn't relevant, "Bring him here. To play 'Go'," he added.

The mere thought of Baji playing 'Go' was ridiculous to Chifuyu.

"Grandpa, I don't think it's a good-," Chifuyu tried to say, "Baji might not be the best opponent to play 'Go'."

"Bring him anyway," The man determined, "I will teach him myself. A man who doesn't know how to play 'Go'? Sincerely, Chifuyu..."

Chifuyu held back his laughter for a few seconds. He hadn't expected to have this conversation with his grandfather, but it was refreshing whatever this invitation was.

"I'll bring him next time."  Chifuyu decided. He had already talked about it with Baji anyway.

-

Chifuyu thought it would take longer for Baji to call him.

Night had already arrived hours ago, Chifuyu had already talked to his grandparents, had already had dinner and lost countless games of 'Go' when he finally put his head on the pillow. The traditional architecture of his grandparents' house allowed him to sleep on the floor with an open shoji.

The view was beautiful and the sky was a little more starry than in Tokyo. In fact, Chifuyu couldn't remember the last time he had observed the stars. Maybe it was that New Year's Eve they spent at the beach, but he wasn't sure. Outside, the only sound that could be heard was that of animals, but specifically the crickets that sang throughout the night.  Maybe that's why Chifuyu couldn't sleep.

Or maybe the answer was more embarrassing than that.

Maybe Chifuyu was too used to sleeping next to Baji's heat to remember what it was like to sleep alone.

Chifuyu was questioning the nature of his almost co-dependent, co-living, co-parenting relationship with Baji when his phone rang.

"Mochi mochi?"  Chifuyu answered the phone.

"Did you forget about me, Chifuyu?" It was the first thing Baji said, "It's only been a few hours."

"I thought you would want to enjoy the first few hours away from me, Baji-san," Chifuyu replied with his heart jumping out of his mouth just hearing Baji's voice.

"When have I ever enjoyed being away from you, Fuyu?" Baji asked a little too honestly.

Chifuyu had made the sheets for a hut at that time.

"I don't know, I thought you might need some time alone," Chifuyu confessed.

"Bullshit," Baji responded immediately, "I've said this before, damn it. I never want to be away from you, Chifuyu."

Chifuyu bit his lip before responding. Was there something different about the way Baji was expressing himself tonight, or was it the difference between talking to him in person or on the phone?

"No, Baji-san." He replied after a second in silence.

"No, what?" He sounded different or maybe just drunk.

"You've never said that before." Chifuyu said anyway. It was the truth, after all.

"I'm pretty sure I did." Baji insisted, which was true to his stubbornness, but Chifuyu was sure. He would remember something like that.

 "I'm pretty sure you didn't." I would remember.

 "Maybe not out loud, but I'd definitely-" Baji didn't sound so sure of himself anymore.

 "Baji-san!"

"I don't think I can sleep without you, Chifuyu." Chifuyu felt like he might die at that very moment, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. 

Or maybe not wrong, but definitely different.
"Baji! Baji! Baji-teme! Show up immediately, I promised Chifuyu I would-" Chifuyu still hadn't thought of a good enough answer when he heard another voice on the phone.

He knew exactly who the voice belonged to.

The scenario he created in his head was funny, but mainly it meant that Baji was definitely drunk and hiding somewhere to talk to him.

"Be quiet Chifuyu. I think we've been discovered." Baji whispered as if it was a secret.  

Something only the two of them would know.

"Are you drunk, Baji-san?" He asked even though he already knew the answer.

"What are you doing here, Baji? Give me that phone, who is it?" Draken asked copiously on the other end of the line.

"Draken-kun?" Chifuyu called when he was sure that Baji's cell phone was no longer with him but with Draken.

"Chifuyu?" His former vice commander asked, "That's unbelievable, you didn't last 10 hours without calling him?"

He could hear a small fight going on in the background, he was pretty sure Baji was trying to get the phone while Draken abused the few extra inches he had.

When he heard Draken's exasperated breathing, he knew he could speak again. 

"In my defense, he called me!"  Chifuyu tried to defend himself.

"I know, Chifuyu. I'm talking to Baji right now! This is ridiculous, man." Draken had that gentle tone in his voice that Chifuyu had learned to notice,

"I can't sleep without him." Baji said and Chifuyu felt like he could bury himself right there and now instead of listening to their conversation.

“Look, you're lucky it's me here and not Kazutora, or worse, Mikey." Chifuyu definitely agreed with Draken in that regard. If it was Kazutora, he would probably have a video of this moment being passed around among all the Toman members right now and if it were Mikey, he would be laughing uncontrollably even now. And then maybe he would do something about it. For all intents and purposes, it was better that Draken had found him anyway.

"Draken-kun! You promised you would help." Chifuyu reminded him.

"Oh, believe me, Chifuyu, I'm trying," Draken said, "But I'm not going to spoon Baji tonight just because you asked."

Chifuyu buried his face in the pillow, unsure whether it was to muffle his laughter or his embarrassment. He could still hear Baji’s muffled protests in the background, something about “betrayal” and “sofa sleeping arrangements,” but he tried to focus on Draken’s voice, steady and slightly amused. Chifuyu was conflicted, he didn't know whether to defend himself or drop the argument since Draken had already caught him anyway.
“I wouldn't ask for that,” he answered instead.
“Yeah, Chifuyu. I'm sure not.”
“Like I would want to spoon you, that’s disgusting.”
“And when it is Chifuyu, it’s not disgusting. I wonder why.”
“Cause he's mine.”

The words fell before Chifuyu could stop them. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t strategic, it was just the truth, loose and alive and way too loud for 1:43 a.m.

There was a short silence on the line. Not the awkward kind, more like the kind where someone tries not to laugh too soon.

“This is ridiculous. I’m not being paid for this shit, Fuyu.”
“Don’t call him that!” Chifuyu could hear Baji's voice, “That’s my nickname for him!”
“Everybody calls him that!” Draken replied, clearly done with both of them.

Chifuyu could practically hear Draken rubbing his temples through the phone.

“Okay. Fine. Both of you shut up and go to sleep. You…” Draken pointedly said to Baji, ‘-are sleeping on your own damn bed like a grown-up”.
“But I can’t sleep without Chifuyu,” Baji mumbled again.
“Well, guess what, you’re gonna have to try. You’re a big boy now.”
“Chifuyu, tell him I’m not a big boy,” Baji said, completely missing the point.
“I am not getting involved in that sentence,” Chifuyu muttered, rubbing his eyes. “Draken-kun, please just make sure he drinks some water and lies down. And maybe hide the rest of the alcohol?”

“Already doing that,” Draken confirmed with a sigh. “God help me.”

“Goodnight, Baji-san,” Chifuyu said, softer now.
“Night, Fuyu… Miss you,” He bit back a smile.

“Draken-kun… Thank you.”
“You owe me ramen.”
“I’ll buy you two bowls.”
“Make it three and I won’t tell Mikey.”

The call ended.

Chifuyu stayed staring at the dark ceiling for a while, crickets still singing outside, his phone resting on his chest like a weight and a comfort all at once.

Yeah. Maybe it was embarrassing. But it was also kind of nice. And maybe that was okay.

-

The floor of his grandparents’ house was colder than Chifuyu remembered. The tatami always had that subtle earthy smell, and the open shoji let in the fresh countryside breeze. The crickets were louder here, and the stars clearer. It was peaceful in a way Tokyo never quite managed to be. And yet—he couldn't shake a certain restlessness. 

The quiet only made his thoughts louder and it made him miss the wildness of his regular life. 

And that wildness had a name. 

No day was calm if Keisuke could have a word or two about it. 

Baji attracted chaos as if his life depended on it, and Chifuyu learned to live with it. More than that, Chifuyu began to crave it, the excitement and the adrenaline. Even on the most ordinary days, Chifuyu's heart didn't know the difference between a gang conflict and Baji's hands on his extremities, his heart would jump just as fast.

One of the things about Keisuke that no one would believe if Chifuyu told them is how the older boy yearns for contact, be it physical or emotional. Keisuke would always touch Chifuyu when they were at home together. Subtle touches on his waist when he was cooking. Throwing an arm over Chifuyu when they were watching something on the couch. But there was one thing in particular that Chifuyu liked a lot. When Keisuke got out of the shower and sat on the floor, towel over his shoulders, waiting for Chifuyu to sit on the couch and dry his hair.

That scene had become part of their routine. The way Baji would lower his head onto Chifuyu’s thigh, eyes closed, trusting. The weight of his head, the warmth from his damp hair, the way his breathing slowed down like a cat in the sun.

Chifuyu really liked Keisuke’s hair. It fit him, wild, untamed, a little longer than most would wear it. It matched his energy. Still, he sometimes imagined what Baji would look like if he cut it short. And it terrified him a little. Because Baji would look good, obviously. Too good. Dangerously good.

What struck him most wasn’t the image itself, but how natural Baji made it all feel. As if laying his head on Chifuyu’s lap was the most normal thing in the world. As if it didn’t make Chifuyu almost have a heart attack every time. As if it didn’t mean something.

Chifuyu exhaled, rolling onto his back on the futon, arms folded behind his head, eyes on the ceiling.

Time didn't seem to pass quickly enough. Chifuyu had long since passed the acceptance stage. He missed Baji. His company and discussions, his smell, his conversation, his meals.

Maybe he wasn’t the only one lying awake right now, thinking about stupid routines that had started meaning too much.

Maybe it would be better if he came back a day earlier.

- 

Chifuyu didn't think much before packing his bags and buying a ticket for the next train. Of course, he said goodbye to his grandparents properly and promised to return before the next holiday, this time with Baji, but still, he couldn't wait to be back in Tokyo.

The quick trip had put a few things into perspective for Chifuyu, he felt like maybe it was time... Time for what? He didn't have the answer to that yet, but he was willing to take the risk, for the first time in a long time, Chifuyu felt close to making the biggest bet of his life.

His fingers wouldn't stop shaking in time with the hypnotic rhythm of the train rocking, or maybe it was just his nervousness getting the better of him.

He wasn't sure what to expect if he went back a day early. Maybe he'd find Baji and Peke J buried in the mess their apartment must have become in the last few days, or maybe he'd find the crime scene orchestrated by Baji and Kazutora. Out of all the options, Chifuyu couldn't imagine being sad about any of them, as long as he saw Baji again. He felt more dramatic than necessary, after all, he knew that only a few days had passed. But with everything between them and the lack of a clear answer, the days felt like entire months and Chifuyu didn't want to miss any of it.

The train stopped and Chifuyu got off at the station along with his luggage, the weather was not what he expected and he seemed to be dressed out of season for the cold he was feeling, but that didn't matter since soon he would be back at his apartment surrounded by everything that warmed him.

Since he hadn't told any of his friends that he would be returning a day early, he knew that if he needed them both Takemichi and Kazutora would be willing to pick him up at the station, but Chifuyu preferred to arrive without fuss and have time to do things calmly. So, he opted for the more expensive option of taking a taxi, so he could better assimilate the surroundings.

The taxi driver must have recognized Chifuyu as a local, so he didn't try to make conversation or give any recommendations, which Chifuyu was grateful for at the moment. With his heart almost jumping out of his chest for no apparent reason, he felt like he could vomit out all his feelings if someone simply said 'Good morning' to him.

As the car wound its way through the streets that Chifuyu had driven and bled on before, he let himself appreciate how much this place felt like 'home' to him. The bookstore where he bought his manga and the convenience store he had once worked at, the laundromat where his mother used to wash his clothes and the gas station that had never questioned the amount of underage kids who came to fill up their motorcycles there, the diner where he had eaten after a test and the pharmacy that was always open when he needed a bandage.

But to Chifuyu's surprise, there was something else that was also familiar to him, but shouldn't have been there. Or at least Chifuyu didn't expect it to be there.

He saw the long, unmistakable black hair first. Chifuyu would lose his sight and all other senses before he could mistake that hair.

A few meters away, Baji was on the sidewalk, talking to someone. He was carrying some shopping bags that looked heavy, but he carried them as if they were nothing, but that wasn't what had caught Chifuyu's attention, no.

Baji was talking to a girl, who Chifuyu didn't recognize. He tried to be rational for a second, he didn't know all the people Baji knew, of course not. They were still individuals with their own lives.

But Chifuyu couldn't deny the pang in his heart that he felt at the sight.

The taxi stopped while Chifuyu was still trying to react to the situation. Suddenly, a million scenarios ran through his head, the letters hidden in a box in his closet all this time. How could Chifuyu be so naive to the point of thinking that no one would ever have the courage to confess their feelings to Baji? He got out of the taxi in disbelief, as if his entire world had been turned upside down. Chifuyu didn't even know that he had given the correct amount of money to the taxi driver, but since he had left Chifuyu could only deduce that he had. He couldn't take his eyes off the scene that was happening across the street near the convenience store where he and Baji had shared so many peyoung yakisoba before.

The girl looked to be about their age, with long black hair like Baji's, but more feminine. It must have framed her face with an air of delicacy rather than the wild look it gave Baji.

There was something about her manner that seemed out of place, as if she were nervous or embarrassed. Chifuyu didn't need to be a genius to know what was happening before his eyes.

And then, Baji smiled.

Chifuyu recognized that smile even from across the street; it was one of those small smiles he rarely showed—the kind of smile that came after silence, or after much thought.

It was only for a second and then it was gone, but Chifuyu saw it. He saw it and he hated how it made him feel.

But then Baji put his arms around her.

Chifuyu felt his body freeze, as if the cold of Tokyo had stuck to his skin and refused to let go.

Whatever that was, Chifuyu couldn't see what it was for.

The gentle gaze.

The smile.

The hug.

The dozens of letters buried deep in Chifuyu's closet that Baji never got to read.

It all seemed to come down to that moment.

Chifuyu needed to get out of here. He needed to get out of here now.

He had no right to feel this way, he knew. There were no promises between them, no declarations even. But that didn't stop it from hurting.

Not even a little.

Chifuyu stood there for a few more seconds, before turning back around the corner.

He needed a minute.

Just a fucking minute.

So he run.

-

If Chifuyu had run somewhere else, maybe things wouldn't have ended this way. If Chifuyu had gone somewhere else, cooled off, the ending might have been different. If he had waited...

But Chifuyu felt like he had waited too long. Waited for something useless that he should have known would never happen. Because despite everything, there was still that small voice in the back of his mind that thought it was possible that Baji would reciprocate his feelings.

He couldn't help but dream.

But now everything was clear and only Chifuyu was responsible for the mess that his life had become.

He was back in his apartment. Their apartments, to be exact.

He had finally made it there and now all he wanted to do was leave.

Peke J immediately went to greet him, walking between his legs as his tail passed over Chifuyu's legs, high and imposing.

He picked up the black cat and buried his head in its fur as tears finally streamed down his face. It was ridiculous to think that even the cat that was originally Chifuyu’s, reminded him so much of Baji.

Having Peke J in his arms soothed his feelings a little, but it wasn’t enough. Chifuyu took the cat to the bedroom and then went back to get the bags she had brought with her. He couldn’t stay here any longer. It had been a bad idea from the start. What was he thinking - living together with Baji? Playing house as if his heart wasn’t on the line all the time?

Chifuyu still had tears in his eyes as he threw his suitcase on the bed and stared at the wardrobe. The room he now shared with Baji, but it should never have been like this. He should never have let his guard down and left his feelings so exposed like this.

But a part of him knew that it wouldn't make the slightest difference. He had given his heart to Baji Keisuke as soon as he met him.

But Chifuyu had to do what was best for himself at that moment, and the best thing was to stay away from Baji. He wouldn't be able to pretend when Baji came home excited and wanted to tell him that he had met someone, that he was in love, that he was dating... If he ever told him, Chifuyu couldn't say how long that had been going on. He could have lost it.

Chifuyu opened the suitcase, but didn't have time to see what was inside it as Peke J immediately decided to get in there and sat down, in protest.

He didn't have time to rethink his decision when he heard the sound of the door opening. Chifuyu's heart jumped in his throat, but he couldn't back down now and pretend nothing had happened. Of course, he would need an excuse. He couldn't tell Baji that he had gone crazy at the sight of him with that girl. He couldn't ruin their relationship like that. Chifuyu quickened his pace and tried to hold back the tears that were streaming down his face.

"Fuyu?" He heard his nickname being called by the only voice that called him that, "Chifuyu?"

Chifuyu could hear the sound of his own heart breaking as Baji seemed to search the house for him. He took a large amount of clothes out of the closet and threw them into the suitcase, hanger and all.

When Baji finally entered the room they shared, Chifuyu refused to look him in the eye. Firstly, he didn't want to hesitate, and secondly, he knew that one look from Baji would shatter his conviction. But even without looking, he could picture the expression Baji was making.

He felt the words catch in his throat as he understood what Chifuyu was doing.

"What's going on?" Baji asked from the doorway, “You are back earlier!”

Chifuyu focused his attention on the suitcase as he tried to pull Peke J out so he could close it. His hands were shaking, and he knew his voice would be just as shaky if he tried to speak.

"Fuyu, talk to me!" Baji sounded desperate and soon Chifuyu could feel the boy behind him, "Did something happen? Are you okay? Do you have to go somewhere?" Baji continued to ask nonstop, his hands stopped on Chifuyu's arms, who pushed him away as if his touch burned, "Talk to me! Answer me!"

"You are not my captain, you no longer have the right to order me around." Chifuyu replied more harshly than he intended. He didn't know where those words had come from.

"Something happened," Baji said, and it didn't sound like a question, "Why don't you talk to me?"

By the end of his sentence, Baji had already turned Chifuyu around to talk to him. Even though he looked away, Chifuyu could see the confusion on Baji's face. Confusion and hurt, but Chifuyu couldn't help it, he needed to get out of there right away.

"Let me go, Baji-san!" Chifuyu gathered everything he could to say this, the words seemed to have a physical impact on Baji who took two steps back and released Chifuyu, however he did not give him free access to the door.

Chifuyu was already panting and hadn't even managed to close the suitcase yet.

"Tell me what's going on!" Baji demanded.

"There's nothing going on, but I need to go," Chifuyu replied without looking at his former captain's face.

"At least look me in the eyes before you lie to me, Chifuyu," Baji sounded harsh, "Whatever it is, we can fix it, Fuyu. I just need you to tell me what the hell is going on!"

"There's no way to fix this, Baji-san!" Chifuyu said as he squeezed his own hand in a gesture of trying not to cry and control his emotions, "All this time, I..."

"Fuyu..." Baji approached and held Chifuyu in his arms, "Don't be stupid and tell me what happened? Was it your grandparents?"

Chifuyu allowed himself to cry in Baji's arms and that was exactly what he wanted to avoid, he knew that as soon as he laid eyes on Baji, his certainties would be put to the test.

"You need to let me go, Baji-san!" Chifuyu asked, still in his arms, "You have to, because I can't stand to stay here while..." While you fall in love with someone else, he couldn't complete it.

"I just told you not to be stupid, weren't you listening?" Baji asked, "There's no way I'll let you go, Chifuyu. Especially not like this."

"You have to," Chifuyu insisted, then closed his eyes before asking, "You have to because... Who was that girl?" Baji seemed as surprised as Chifuyu that he had managed to ask that. The implications of asking a question like that were so many, but Chifuyu no longer cared. Baji's silence seemed worse than any answer Chifuyu had prepared himself to hear. "That's why I have to go," Chifuyu summoned up a surge of courage and said, "I can't just sit here while you..." 

"Let me explain, Fuyu," Baji said slowly, word by word, as if he could turn the situation around.

"What is there to explain, Baji-san?" Chifuyu asked indignantly in a tone he had never used towards Baji before. He pulled away from his former captain and stared at the wardrobe.

Chifuyu had always kept his greatest fear at a frightening close proximity. So he would never forget what was at stake, or at least that was the lie he made up for himself, since it clearly hadn't worked.

Chifuyu broke free from Baji's grip completely as he forced himself to stop crying. He had come home early because he had made a decision, he knew he couldn't hold on to all this for much longer. It wasn't how he planned to reveal his feelings, but he feared there was no going back. And as much as it hurt, Chifuyu felt he needed this if he wanted to move on with his life. The decision had been made. He headed to the wardrobe before Baji could wrap his arms around him again, he feared that if that happened, he wouldn't be strong enough to break free from Baji again. 

"Fuyu, don't-"

"Just shut up, Baji-san," Chifuyu interrupted him as he searched for the last secret in his wardrobe. The closet was made of glass, or whatever the saying was.

Chifuyu found the cardboard box that had previously been a gift box with pink and white stripes. He had thought it appropriate at the time to put all the love letters that had been delivered to him in the hope that they would reach his final correspondent, Baji, in it, in a beautiful and delicate packaging. Now, the box no longer looked the same, it had survived the move to the apartment and dozens of pieces of clothing that had constantly fallen on top of it, so it was a little dented and the stripes that were once white had absorbed some of the color of the wood and carried some darker stains. It seemed like a joke that he had prepared himself. 

Chifuyu couldn't help but feel his heart break even more as he saw the object that contained the letters that had tormented him for so long in his hands.

His ultimate nightmare becoming reality.

He made the big mistake of glancing at Baji once more, and the expression of confusion on his face was clear.

Baji didn't stop him from making his next moves, but he watched closely as Chifuyu trembled with the object in his hands. He decided to rip the band-aid off in one go. He opened the box and threw everything in it onto the part of the bed that wasn't occupied by his suitcase or Peke J.

The rain of letters seems to last forever in his head.

Chifuyu kept his eyes fixed on Baji as if that gave him the power to read his mind, but the truth is that he didn't need any trivial tricks to do so, because he knew how Baji thought. He knew that he was trying to understand what was happening as best he could, he knew that none of it would make sense to anyone at first glance.

Baji picked up one of the cards in his hand and asked, "What the hell is this?"

"Fucking letters," Chifuyu replied.

"I can fucking see it, I'm not blind. Is it yours?" 

“No,” Chifuyu tried to answered.

"Then why does it matter?" Baji asked, sounding genuinely confused, "Who gave you these letters? I thought I had.."

None of that conversation seemed to make sense. Chifuyu held Baji's hand that was holding the letter and said, "Listen to me, Baji-san. Those are for you, all those letters. They always have been for you. You said you didn’t want to, but for some reason those girls keep coming to me, wanting me to handle it for you, but you said… Well, it doesn’t matter what you said, I have been hiding those letters from you for years, because I thought that if I did it, you wouldn't leave me for the girls that were in love with you and that was selfish. I'm sorry- I shouldn't have done it and I can’t keep doing it, I saw you with the girl…"

Chifuyu was having a hard time trying to put his feelings into words when Baji had hidden his face in his hands. He tried to remain calm about the reaction, but the truth was that Chifuyu had already exposed himself too much by now, he felt like he was on the verge of death and if Baji couldn't even look at him, he would have to leave immediately.

But the sound that comes from Baji's lips is nothing like Chifuyu expected. 

He laughs. 

An insane laugh that sounds like someone who's just been released from a mental institution. 

He throws his head back and brushes his long hair out of his face as he gives one last laugh.

"Ha. I had twice of your job, dumbass," Baji says.

And, "What?"

Because, honestly, what the fuck?

It’s the only thing Chifuyu can think of. 

"Bet not even once a guy asked you about me in that matter," Baji asked in a challenging tone, his arms crossed and an expression unlike anything Chifuyu had ever seen before.

He tried to think about it, and no. No guys. But that was kind of to be expected, Chifuyu supposed, Baji was the typical straight guy. You only had to look at him to know. Maybe he wasn't that typical, but the way he looked and acted certainly said so.

"No, I don’t think so,” Chifuyu responded a little awkwardly, he didn't understand how that was relevant to any aspect of that conversation and he was almost certain that he had caused Baji to have a psychotic episode, “Not that I remember" 

And he would have remembered.

"Damn right,” Baji said proudly, smiling with his canines showing, “But me? I had to told women and men to fuck off when they asked me about you." 

What the fuck was Baji Keisuke talking about now?

"Someone asked about me?" Chifuyu didn't even know if that was the right question to ask, but what else could he ask? Baji didn't make any sense.

"You got to be fucking kidding me right now, Chifuyu,” Baji was laughing again, but he still looked insane, “Even my own friends had ask me about you! Honestly, what the hell?" 

“Who?”

“Ha! Like I would tell you!” Baji crossed his arms in front of his body.

"I didn't know!" Chifuyu responded defensively,

"Of course you didn’t,” Baji told him, “You want to know why? I told them to fuck off and keep their distance." 

“Why?” He asked simply.

“What do you think?”

Chifuyu swallow hard. 

He knew what was being insinuated, but he didn't know if he should believe it. 

He let the idea sink into his thoughts.

He sat on the bed, letting all that desire to run away leave his body as if it had abandoned him. There was no more space on the bed, so Baji took some letters in his hand and discarded them one by one on the floor as if they were of no importance. Chifuyu wanted to protest on behalf of the letters he had kept safe for so long, but he didn't even have the strength to do so.

"I can’t believe you kept all those fucking letters," He said as the last letter hit the ground. 

"Of course I did,” Chifuyu said immediately, as if the mere idea of ​​not doing so was absurd, “I thought it would be even more wrong to throw them away when people put so much effort and love in them. I mean… If I wasn't giving it to you already, the best I could do was to keep it safe, I guess." 

Baji took advantage of the free space on the bed with the absence of the letters and sat down next to Chifuyu. He held his face and lifted it just by the chin.

"Ha. Cute. You're so cute, Fuyu. I assure you, you won't find a single one of those that they have written for you in my stuff." Baji said, looking defiant.

"Did someone write a letter for me?" Chifuyu asked, surprised.

"For God's sake Chifuyu. You have no idea, do you? Of how many people want to…” Baji sounded like he was about to lose his mind, “Of how many people I had to turn it down for you? You are the perfect boyfriend for girls cause you're all nice and cute and know how to treat them right and you’re just too cute for the other guys too,” Baji had his hands over his head like he was about to pulling of his hair, “I have been through hell trying to keep them away from you! And you don't even know!" 

"You are being dramatic, Baji-san" 

"I burn them all." Baji said proudly.

Chifuyu hadn't yet gotten his bearings, nothing Baji was saying seemed to make sense. It was as if Chifuyu had believed the sky was blue his entire life, and then, one day, out of the blue, every reliable news source began claiming the sky was actually scarlet.

The foundations of Chifuyu's certainty had been shaken, and there was no hope of a readjustment.

"What?" 

"The letters.” Baji smiled the way he only smiled when fire was involved, “I burn it. So I don't have how to prove it to you, but believe me, it was a fucking lot." Baji looked away, but the certainty in his voice was not shaken, "The girl outside too, she wanted me to give you her number. As if." 

"Is that what she was doing?" Chifuyu was sitting next to Baji in pure shock.

"Yeah,” He replied cautiously, “But I'm not giving it to you, just so you know" 

"I don't want it,” Chifuyu felt it was important to point this out, “I thought- I just thought she was confessing to you and that you had accepted because you're hugging and all-" 

Baji smiled subtly upon hearing this.

"I was consoling her.” He explained, “I deceived her, I lied to her, and I would do it again if I had to, but I still have empathy.”

"Are you being for real?" Chifuyu needed to ask, he wouldn't survive if this wasn't all real.

Baji stiffened for a second, then left Chifuyu's side of the bed and moved to stand in front of him, kneeling on the floor. Just like that, Baji was certain Chifuyu was looking him in the eye as he spoke.

"What part of I've been burning letters you received since high school because I don’t want you to date anyone but me haven't gone through your head yet? I'm running out of ways to say this!"

"You never said anything," Chifuyu accused him.

"I kissed you," Baji said in distress.

"In a challenge" Chifuyu justified.

"I asked you to move with me!" He continued.

"I thought you wanted a roommate!" 

"We shared beds," Baji insisted.

"We both have trouble sleeping," Chifuyu said.

"I fucking told ours both mothers that I want to be with you for the rest of ours days!" Baji was begging.

"As friends!" Chifuyu had to say it out loud to realize how ridiculous all of these excuses sounded.

"Chifuyu, please…" Baji cupped Chifuyu's face in his hands as if he were holding something delicate. Baji's eyes, always so expressive, demonstrated what Chifuyu had already discovered: it was all true.

Baji seemed to yearn for him the same way Chifuyu had all these years.

Fear and longing walked side by side with them.

"I'm not good at this, Fuyu," Baji said with difficulty, as if for the first time in his life he was trying to think before speaking, "With words, I mean. So I tried to do it another way. With actions, since everyone says I'm good at it. I thought I got the message across.”

"You thought I knew?" Chifuyu had to interrupt, his hands finding Baji's because the idea of ​​not touching him seemed ridiculous to him now.

Chifuyu's former captain blinked.

"I thought you had a clue," Baji said. "I mean, everyone knew and teased me about it, so I thought you knew too."

"And you thought that I hadn't done anything about it?" He sounded as indignant as he felt.

"You've indulged me enough already." Baji looked away. "I infiltrated myself in your life and made you my vice-captain, I took every hour of your time and I had never ever felt bad about it, I burned every letter you received from who knows who so they wouldn't reach you, I made you move in with me as soon as we were old enough..."

"I wanted all those things, Baji-san!" Chifuyu couldn't let Baji take all the credit for these things. "I did everything I could to be your vice-captain, and I didn't spend all my time with you! I wanted to live with you so much that my biggest fear was that one day you'd decide you didn't want to anymore! I just thought you wanted all this as friends!" Chifuyu finally said.

"Friends don't have a relationship like ours, Chifuyu. Or do you think I hug Draken when I go to sleep? That I fucking hug Kazutora when he's cooking? That I go get Mikey wherever he asks me to go?"

"I—" Chifuyu was speechless.

"I thought I could live like this for the rest of my life, that we could live all this even if you didn't want me this way—"

Chifuyu had heard enough.

Not wanting Baji? What world was he living in?

Chifuyu didn't think twice before staring into the red-rimmed eyes of the boy kneeling in front of him and kissing him.

Chifuyu's lips met Baji's in a shock that would forever be etched in Chifuyu's mind.

The idea of ​​a kiss he had in mind was something chaste, the touch of lips and movement guided by his feelings. But Baji had a different idea. Baji kissed Chifuyu with the intensity of years of waiting, as if the world began and ended in Chifuyu's mouth.

Baji's hands went to his neck, and his entire body burned.

Chifuyu struggled to return the kiss. There was no doubting Baji's words when he kissed him like that.

Reluctantly, they broke the kiss to give Baji's knee some rest. Standing, Baji watched Chifuyu as if he couldn't believe he was real, his hand cupping the younger boy's chin, his eyes dark with desire.

Baji kicked the letters at his feet and pushed the ones on the bed to the floor.

"Baji-san! The letters—" Chifuyu tried to show some empathy.

"Fuck those damned letters, Fuyu!" Baji said in his characteristically unabashed way, "Don't you understand just yet? I only ever want you."

Chifuyu was a weak man. With those words, he pulled Baji by the hand until the boy was close to him again.

"I don't think I've ever heard you talk so much about feelings like this," Chifuyu laughed, pulling Baji even closer until he was on top of Chifuyu.

Baji slowly positioned himself on top of him, as if mapping out the surroundings.

"You left me with no options," Baji confessed. "I thought you were going to leave me for good."

"And I thought you had found a girlfriend and were going to leave me," Chifuyu countered.

"You're an idiot, Chifuyu," Baji retorted.

"It made perfect sense." He defended himself.

"Only if you have the understanding of an amoeba."

"Baji-san!"

Baji's hands reached Chifuyu's waist. It wasn't something new, yet it was completely different from anything they'd done before.

Baji's hair fell with gravity, and Chifuyu had to tuck it behind his ear to see him better.

"I need you to say it," Baji pleaded with his eyes. "I need it, Fuyu."

Chifuyu watched the face of the only boy he'd ever loved, who, luckily, apparently also had feelings for him. He'd always prided himself on being the one who understood Baji more than anyone else, yet he'd been blind to his feelings for years. Baji wore his heart on his sleeve, who for all these years shouted his feelings through actions because he wasn't good with words. Who shared Chifuyu's anguish and fear of being left behind. Who loved fire and burned cars and letters on the way here.

Chifuyu finally understood him.

"I love you, Baji-san."