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*
Akai fell in love with Furuya since they were rye and bourbon, but at that time, he is with Akemi, and it's morally wrong to cheat on his beautiful girlfriend. Akai is also not blind, he sees how Scotch and Bourbon are always in each other's private spaces. Whatever feeling he has, he needs to bury it deep down, He come here to uncover his father’s disappearance, not to have some little romance, although sometimes he feels a squeeze in his heart as he sees how bourbon has some fun playing the instrument with scotch, something never happened if Bourbon with him.
And then, the Scotch accident happened, Akai felt there is nothing he can be done except blow his own cover, and he let himself become vulnerable, as long as Scotch lives. He can't take away something that makes Bourbon smiles. Scotch needs to be alive and that is his mission that night. But then it happened, Akai can see Bourbon's expression that night, it was a split second, but Akai knows he should be the one to be blamed. “It's like killing a ghost, creepy,” even though it tasted bitter on his tongue.
Akai, as Rye understands in Bourbon’s mind he is the perpetrator, he is the one to be blamed. He understood that when he found that Bourbon requested to be teamed with Vermouth, he understood it all. Although his feelings for him never leave even one percent.
Akai finally broke up with Akemi, it's so unfair for Akemi to be with him. His heart is for someone else, his mind is focused on bringing down the organization, it is so unfair to the woman. He did find Akemi's last message to him, about how she wants to be together with him for real. Indeed, Akai is such a jerk. And Akemi died in Gin’s hand. But then, also Rye’s.
*
Akai met again with Bourbon, now as Amuro Tooru, the waiter in Poirot cafe, the detective boy said that he is suspicious, indeed, because that man is obviously dangerous. He plays an innocent man named Okiya Subaru, dropping hints here and there. Akai knows Amuro has been going out as Akai himself, as smart as Bourbon, Akai knows he found his own death suspicious.
Akai knows he plays a dangerous game, he is supposed to be dead, but his little heart wants a little piece of happiness. and he is Okiya Subaru, who is supposed to have a happy life. That is why he started ordering coffee before his class started, and smile at the waiter in the coffee shop. He knows Bourbon will not smile like that, but it may be a little thing he can get, and Akai can't be greedy.
Akai knows sooner or later Bourbon will find out about him, him as Okiya Subaru. It's been a long time since he used his own voice to talk to the men. It's the most embarrassing thing, but this needs to be done. Amuro can't find out that Okiya Subaru is never even alive in the first place.
“You shouldn't let the boy know about your nickname, Zero. Or should I say, Furuya Rei?'' The real name tastes better on Akai’s lips, it's like something he should say from the start.
“About that person, I'm still sorry for what happened to him,” He should say from the first time, that he is sorry for not being able to save Scotch, or should he say Morofushi now?
Furuya Rei, that night, said that name like a mantra. The man he has loved since years ago, he can finally learn his real name, a name that shouldn't be said anymore. Just like Akai's own name.
Akai lets Conan know that he is there to keep an eye on Shiho, Sherry, or Haibara. But he is there so he can keep an eye on Furuya too. Sometimes, Furuya is clouded by his way and he needs to bring him to the right path. Sometimes, Furuya is in danger and Akai lets himself be proud to be the one who helps him. Akai knows Furuya hates him, really hates him, and Akai doesn't want it to change. Because that means at least he is always in Furuya's mind, isn't it? even if it's hatred, it's more like that or nothing. But if he needs to be honest, there's just a small percentage in Akai’s heart that he wishes Furuya did not hate him that much.
*
When Shukichi found out he was actually still very much alive, the meijin demanded to have dinner at least once in a month, even if it as Subaru, it was ok. This time, they were having Yakiniku in the meijin’s personal apartment unit. It was Akai’s 3rd glass of shochu, he didn't like it but still drank it, it should be Furuya’s fav drink, right? That man is Japan first before anything else, “Say, Shukichi,”
“Hm?”
“How is your relationship progress with Yumi, When are you gonna get married?”
Shukichi still grilled another meat, “Just usual, I do love her very much and want to get married as soon as I can, but I want Yumi to be ready too. Also, I want Yumi to meet our family properly and I meet her family properly. I may be born as a Brit, but I want traditional Japanese marriage,” Shukichi said.
Akai just hummed, “You like someone?” and as easy as that his brother asks, like it was as easy as a breeze in the spring, except Akai is more like cold winter.
“Why do you ask that?” Akai takes the meat from the grill.
“Because I can see it in your face,”
“My face shows nothing you brat,”
“Who is it? Akemi? Jodie?” Akai didn't answer, “Are you still grieving about Akemi’s death?” Shukichi asks again.
“No, Akemi’s death is something I already get done with,”
“So, why not go for this person? What could go wrong? except maybe you're not alive,”
Akai laughs dryly, “That one,”
“And?”
“Because I killed his best friend's slash boyfriend?” It was the first time Akai used the correct pronoun, he literally coming out to his brother.
“Did he forgive you?” Apparently, Shukichi doesn't care about gender.
“He wants to kill me?” Akai is not even sure what he talk about
Shukichi laughs, “If he really gonna kill you, will you let yourself die in his hand?” and Akai can't answer that question.
*
It comes precisely a week after the downfall of the organization, Akai is back as himself, Subaru Okiya be damned. He was tidying up his belongings, tomorrow he needs to pull out from Japan, and back to Amerika. He knows someone opens his door, but he keeps still. and a cold barrel touched his temple. Akai smiles, he knows who comes.
It's been a long time since he had a good sparring partner, and it's always Bourbon, No, Amuro, No, Furuya. Suddenly he is on his back and Furuya is on top of him. Oh, how many times he dreamed about this position, except now, Furuya’s hand is tightening in his throat, he can see the full face of Furuya, how the blond hair framing those faces, it's beautiful. Akai smiles, a question from Shukichi a few months ago brings back to his mind, “Will you let yourself die in his hand?” and Akai has the answer.
Akai stops struggling, if maybe this is his last time on earth, he wants that face to be the last thing he sees. He wanted to see Furuya with his dark skin and blonde hair even for his last breath. It's beautiful, he never regrets falling in love with that man.
Suddenly the oxygen comes into his lungs, he can breathe again. He felt Furuya slumped into his chest, and he panicked. “Furuya,” He tried to get up, did another person come and attack Furuya to save him?
“Furuya!” and those shoulder shakes and his shirt feels wet.
“Why do you stop to fight back?” It was merely a whisper.
Akai smiled, “Because it's you, maybe it will end if you truly kill me,” he said.
Furuya keeps silent, Akai may be crazy and lacks oxygen because now he turns to sit, letting Furuya move to be in his lap. Akai let himself engulf the younger one in his embrace, if he is gonna get killed, let it be.
“It's Ok if you want to kill me, Furuya. I consent to that. You said you'd be the one that would kill me, so be it,” He said it.
Furuya kept silent for a few moments, and Akai still embraced him, “I know the truth about scotch,” Furuya said very quietly.
“Why do you let me think you let him kill himself?”
“You need someone to blame, and I was there,”
“Why?” Does Akai need to tell him the truth?
“Because partially what you think it's true, I was there and I can't stop him to kill himself,”
“It's my fault too, you do know that, right?” Akai didn't answer, “My footstep on the stair probably drives him too, right?” Akai still doesn't answer.
“Why do you still want to be blamed, Akai?”
“Because it's still my fault, He was the one that gave you smiles in the harsh world of organization, and I took it away. It's my fault, Furuya,”
“And that's a reasonable reason to die?”
“Yes,”
“That's it?” Furuya asks too many questions, Akai would like to kiss that lips so it stops questioning him.
And he did.
“I love you, You are the most beautiful men I ever see, and if you killing me is something that gonna bring back your smiles, I'm gladly gonna do it,”
Those blue eyes glister, it's become more beautiful in seconds in Akai’s eyes. “You love me? Why? Since when?”
“I don't know, I just know that I love you since like forever,”
“Even me as Bourbon?”
“Since you are Bourbon,” Akai corrected the sentence.
Furuya grows silent, but Akai knows what he was thinking, “Don't ever say you're not worth to be loved,”
“Then why did you never say it to me? Did you think that you're not worthy either?”
“Because it's morally wrong to cheat and love someone else's boyfriend, and it's also wrong for me, an American, to ask for your love,” he knows how Furuya loves Japan so much.
Furuya laughed, finally, “You're American only by papers. And well, its true, you shouldn't cheat on Akemi, but also, I never really have any relationship with Hiro,”
Akai was taken aback. Did he get the wrong idea about Bourbon and Scotch? “I've seen you with Sco… I mean Morofushi-san,”
Furuya chuckled, “Well, I do like him, he’s been with me since I was a child, we grow up together, but, he does also know that I was distracted,”
“Distracted by what?”
“By you, you were such a great distraction,” Furuya chuckled, reminiscing about the old time.
“Hiro knows I have crush on you, he said, I have the same face just a few years before, the time when I have crush on him,” Furuya take a deep breath, “Few days before that night, I said to him that were gonna get married after all of this done, do you know what he answers it?”
Akai doesn't want to know, they were gonna get married and he failed to save Morofushi just days after that proposal, “Hiro said, I shouldn't ditch my feeling just because i feel responsible for this mission, He said, he knows I don't love him like I used to, he knows that me proposing that night is because I feel it was my duty to marry him after everything we've been through. He even said to me, after everything ends, the thing I should do is run to you and kiss you instead of marrying him,”
Akai grows silent, can't believe the man in front of him said he wanted to kiss him, “After Hiro died, I felt so wrong, I felt so wrong. It was meant to be me and him as the end game. But I felt more wrong because my feelings for you are not even subdued. After I found out you actually FBI, I felt relieved, at least I'm not in love with criminals,”
“I'm also a criminal, Furuya,” Akai cut before Furuya could continue.
“Murdered? Yes, Criminal? No,”
“Then why do you hate me that much?”
Furuya is lean his head into his shoulder, “Because hating you is easier than acknowledging that I still like you even after all this time,”
“I’m sorry for what happened to Morofushi-san. I should have said that from the first time, I also feel so wrong to still love you even after what happened with Morofushi-san. I always thought you guys should be together,”
“That was ok for you to die?”
“Yes, You can't be with Morofushi-san, why would you be with me?”
Akai feels Furuya start to embrace him back, although their position is so weird, and Akai is having hard time straining his back, he keeps still, because maybe this is a dream or this is the afterlife, after all, Furuya choked him, right?
“Do you still love me?” Furuya ask
“Yes,” It's loud and clear.
“If I'm gonna kill you, will you let yourself die in my hand?” the same question Akai used to hear.
“Will you?” this time, with smiles, Akai gives back the question.