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Outside the door of the practice room, Yunseong hesitated. Everything was as usual, them practicing together till late evening, then Yunseong getting called on by their CEO to be notified about some event or activity, then Yunseong coming back and letting his ‘kids’ and ‘wife’ know.
But it wasn’t the case. Not this time. This time, he bore news that will shatter them apart forever.
“Oh, what should I do? What should I say? How do I let them know?” Yunseong pondered.
He couldn’t even sit still on the benches outside the room. Pacing back and forth between the door and the corridor was the least he could do, to prevent himself from tearing his own hair out. He should’ve seen it coming, but he couldn’t, and he felt everything was his fault.
But first things first. He still had the responsibility to inform his members; he was still the leader of DRIPPIN, so he decided to fulfil his one last responsibility well.
Yunseong’s aura when he returned from the office was always a joyful one, or an elated one, but that day, he was as dejected as ever. It reminded Minseo of Yunseong’s state immediately following the grand finale of Produce X 101; that lost, dejected and slumped figure he hugged tight and tried his best to reassure. So the moment their eyes met in the mirror, Minseo stopped dancing to focus on his hyung. Others stopped too but none of them spoke for a moment.
“Hyung…” It was Dongyun. “What’s up?”
Yunseong let out a small smile; it spoke of how broken he was. “Guys, I’m afraid this is our last project together. The company is planning to change our group’s line-up.”
Everything went downhill after that fateful Tuesday evening. And to worsen it, this was Junho’s second time going through this pain. It didn’t help one a bit for all of them. Introduction of the new trainees had already started through Woollim rookie Twitter account, and they had quite a lot of hype, thanks to who, none of them knew. But what they knew for sure was that their fates were not entwined any more. They didn’t know who would be interchanged with who and it didn’t help the fact that majority of the group were introverts. Even the extroverts were pretty introverted around them, except perhaps Alex, who has no issue walking into any havoc, making friends and maintaining their friendships for a long time. The same way he still maintained his friendships with his German friends, despite being thousands of miles apart.
“DRIPPIN members, please make way to the 5th floor” came a loud announcement, shattering the silence that stretched like fog between the members, who were all sitting around the table of one of Woollim’s spontaneous meeting rooms.
All the boys looked at each other in dismay. The 5th floor was where the main boardroom was.
The dreadful moment has arrived.
The hyung line and the maknae line were divided into two teams; one of them will continue as “DRIPPIN”, following the addition of some new members, and the other would ‘debut’ within another 9 months. It was ultimately decided that the hyung line et al will continue as “DRIPPIN” while the maknae line’s team will debut within 9 months.
Post meeting chaos was just as Yunseong expected. They all dragged themselves into an empty practice room and cried their hearts out. They cried to the point they couldn’t speak a word. Yunseong tried to calm everyone down but that resulted in the eruption of more tears and sobs at how they were meant to be, how they were supposed to be, but how they were being ripped apart now, how their dreams they worked hard to build were being toyed with, how they were destined to be with each other and so forth. Such words pouring out of the members were as painful as rubbing salt on open wounds to others who listened.
At the end of all the crying, Junho let out a deafening scream that should have been able to be heard by people blocks away, that should have been able to seep into any man’s dreams like a haunting ghost, that resonated throughout the full or empty rooms and corridors in the Woollim building.
Yunseong looked around at his loving members one last time. Everyone was sprawled on the ground. Hyeop was hugging his knees to his chest and crying onto them. Dongyun and Alex were hugging each other and drenching each other’s t-shirts. Junho was lying on his side, head on Changuk’s lap, crying hard too. Changuk, who never liked to show his weak side to the younger members, was crying hard without even bothering to hide it. He leaned back on the large mirror and exhaled, but Yunseong looked away before their gazes met.
Then there was Minseo, who Yunseong was the closest to, who he shared so much memories with, who he almost deemed as his other half. Though Minseo was propped against the wall some feet away from himself, he didn’t dare to meet Minseo’s eyes, should it break him apart further. But it didn’t work at all. Somehow or other, Minseo crawled over to Yunseong, amidst the wails and tears.
“Yunseong hyung?” he tugged at Yunseong’s sleeve.
Yunseong’s face remained turned to the ground.
“Yunseong hyu-ng” Minseo’s voice cracked painfully, painful enough to make Yunseong raise his head and look at Minseo with bloodshot eyes.
Yunseong’s shattered state made Minseo cry harder. He snuggled into Yunseong’s chest and hugged his hyung tightly. Yunseong hugged him back, resting his chin on Minseo’s head, tears cascading down his blank face.
“Hyung, is it really the end?” Minseo asked from Yunseong’s chest.
“I’m afraid it is” came the reply.
The bitter defeat in his voice made Minseo gasp and look up. “You’re giving up on us like that?!”
Yunseong looked away. “What can I do Minseo? I tried everything in my power to keep us going, I did. You can’t blame me for this. I tired, but it didn’t work out. I’m sorry it had to be like this” he said, sincerely.
“Then I suppose we should break up” Minseo’s ice cold words hit home. It felt like a slap in the face.
From then onwards, fate was just a cruel joke to them.
The hyung line had a harder time that the maknae line; they had to befriend a bunch of completely unknown people and prepare for the “grand comeback”, ‘which is supposed to change the fate of the group’, according to their oh-so-fabulous CEO Lee Jungyeop, it being his brainchild and all.
“For fuck’s sake” was what left Changuk’s usually controlled tongue the moment they exited the main boardroom after a briefing of the comeback concept details. “We’re gonna be badasses, and our line-up just changed! What good do they think it’d do to us other than making us perform worse?” he asked Yunseong and Hyeop, who had no answers but heads full of questions.
“Why? Just why did they do that?” Hyeop moaned.
His question was pretty rhetoric, given since day one, from what they ate to how they lived, it all was controlled by the company itself. So quite obviously, the future of the group was in the company’s hands too. Yunseong wanted to say it out loud, but he was sure that the other two knew this very well.
On the other hand, their new teammates were pouring in, to commence dance practice and to start a new journey with them, so he had to leave all the pressing problems and questions be, for the time being.
Much to Changuk’s dismay, Yunseong asked him to be the leader. Changuk felt like it was too much for himself, but Yunseong and Hyeop convinced him he can do it. It was because of their conviction that Changuk took up the leadership of DRIPPIN, but he had no clue what his role called for. Just three days past, he was completely, utterly, extremely broken. And Hyeop and Yunseong weren’t in oblivion.
This one day, while Junho was looking for a vocal room to get in some individual practice, he happened on Changuk, Yunseong and Hyeop, Changuk crying to the elder two, ‘the parents’, and them offering him all possible solace. He saw then through the door, which was ajar. He knew he should go in but lest he goes, they should all be in tears and it would reopen the wounds that he thought were healed, and would bring back the pain he had hastily buried in the depths of his heart. So he turned on his heels and left, his heart as heavy as lead.
These days, they interacted less. They talked less. They were all estranged. It was like being back to the beginning. The hard and rough start wherein they were all beginner and strangers from all parts of the country. They worked hard to build themselves up, to build their relationships up, but one single blow destroyed it all.
They waited in agony. Much agonized to think straight. Hyeop was being interchanged with a member of the “pre-debut” group.
“… too old to be in the pre-debut team…”
“But he doesn’t fit the concept…”
“We’ll interchange Hyeop then…”
When Changuk overheard that while waiting to be called in for some project announcement, he couldn’t believe his ears. He wished the ground would swallow him up. To lose another one of his loved ones to some man’s toxic agenda, was too much for him. He couldn’t handle it again; he had had enough.
Instead of waiting to be called in, he dashed away, straight into Hyeop’s arms. Yunseong too magically appeared and joined the hug, patting Changuk’s back till his sobs subsided.
“Hyung, Hyeop hyung.. is being interchanged with someone… probably…” he sobbed straight in their faces.
They’d been through so many shocks in the past fortnight that Hyeop took the blow upfront, without faltering as Changuk expected him to. He accepted his fate with zero resistance. That left Changuk with only Yunseong, and Yunseong, with only Changuk.
The door opened and a broad shouldered brunette walked into their dorm with a travelling bag. Yunseong and Changuk were immediately on their feet, running to and hugging their little baby Cha Junho.
They were so sad to lose Hyeop, yet so glad to have Junho back. They couldn’t be fully sad nor fully happy.
It was all someone else’s fault.
It had been a week since the ‘grand comeback’. Their songs were charting everywhere but at what cost? At the cost of their loved ones. Yunseong, Junho and Changuk found fame, but there was no Hyeop, Dongyun, Minseo or Alex beside them to witness it and be a part of it. The idea broke all three of them to the core.
It was a Monday night, where they were somewhat freer than other days, because there weren’t any music shows that day, except an occasional performance on Simply K-pop. All alone on the desolate Woollim rooftop, an Iced Americano in hand, Yunseong’s mind was only occupied by one person; Kim Minseo.
It was his birthday. Yunseong had stayed up late until the clock struck 12, to be the first person to wish him, as always. Minseo replied to his “happy birthday Minseo!” with an “I love you hyung”. It had given him a spark of hope. It reignited the flame that died off when Minseo and the rest left him and their dorm for some distant strange place.
Minseo had invited Yunseong to his birthday party, held at his brother’s flat, but Yunseong didn’t feel like going. He knew if he went, he’d just be a partypooper, hanging his face while Minseo twirled around with his new members, happy and jiggly.
“I did the right thing. He’d be happy without me” Yunseong said out loud.
He waited and waited until the door opened and that face he still loved so dearly, appeared, adorned with the pretty bright smile reserved just for him.
To say Minseo was disappointed, was an understatement. He’d replied to Yunseong’s “happy birthday Minseo!” with an “I love you hyung”, expecting him to reply back or turn up or anything. But none of that happened. All he received was a blank space.
So it was Minseo’s turn to take action. If Yunseong wasn’t coming to him, he was going to find Yunseong.
Grabbing the keys of his brother's car, he sped off down the stairs, to the amazement of all the guests. He sat in the car, turned the key in its hole and let his subconscious take the wheel. Before long, he was at Woollim, that cursed place which brought them together some four years ago, only to wrench them apart later.
Just as he expected, Yunseong was there at the rooftop, an Iced Americano in hand, his gaze faraway. Minseo felt like a 21st century Romeo, standing there, listening to Yunseong pour his heart out, confessing his deepest worries into the cold stillness of the night air that will forever protect them as secrets. Until he couldn’t take it any more. He ran up the stairs to the rooftop.
“I did the right thing. He’d be happy without me” Yunseong was saying.
Minseo threw himself at Yunseong and back-hugged him tight. “No, I’ll never be happy without you”
But Yunseong in his arms, started to vanish. “Hyung, where are you going? Yunseong hyung, please don’t leave me. I love you so much! Please don’t go~~”
Minseo had been mumbling a lot of gibberish for the past five minutes or so. It drove Yunseong crazy with curiosity about what he was dreaming. He knew he was somehow involved, because among the torrent of incoherent words, his own name came out nice and clear. A part of Yunseong wanted to wake the boy up but another more dominating part of him, wanted to keep listening to Minseo.
“HELLO BITCHES! WAKE UP!!!” Hyeop’s megaphone of a voice blared through the hall of their shared dorm, but it failed to wake up the poor dreaming Minseo.
“He’s probably Yunseonged after associating Yunseong hyung for too long” said Alex from the top bunk of the bunk beds opposite to Yunseong’s single one.
Yunseong smiled. “He’s cute so there’s that”
“Hello lovebirds! Time to wake up!” said Hyeop, appearing at the doorway with a motherly smile.
“Waking up can wait. Our little Minseo’s still dreaming” said Yunseong softly, gesturing at the mumbling boy.
“Oh, he can dream all he likes after our photo-shoot” said Hyeop.
“Oh, shoot it!” cried Yunseong.
At a non-existent count of three, all three of them, Hyeop, Yunseong and Alex screamed “MINSEO WAKE UPPP!!!”
Poor Minseo woke up with a start and looked around in a daze. “Oh, Yunseong hyung! What are you doing here?!” he cried.
Hyeop smiled again, while Alex cackled away from his place at the top bunk.
“What do you mean what am I doing here? This is our dorm and this is my bed and you’re practically invading it, and you still have the nerve to ask ME what I am doing here!! is this even legal?” Yunseong rambled.
“Lovebirds fighting in the morning?” Changuk asked, peeking in, fully dressed and ready.
“Over titbits, as always” Hyeop said, rolling his eyes.
“No, my little kid is dazed.” said Yunseong, making sure to stress on the last word.
“He better be, because we be shooting for that magazine after 3 freaking years, so buck up unless you want to be left out” threatened Junho’s loudspeaker voice from the opposite room. “And you Kim Dongyun, get away from my lipstick set. You don’t need any of that crap on your pretty lips!”
Yunseong could only chuckle. ‘Now this is what I live for. This is my happiness’, he thought.
He looked down at Minseo, whose eyes were shining with unshed tears. The moment their eyes met, Minseo broke off eye-contact and hid his face in Yunseong’s chest. Yunseong stroked his soft hair but stopped short when he felt his shirt-front getting wet.
“Minseo” he softly called out. “It’s just a dream, whatever you dreamt of. It’s not real”
Minseo, teary-eyed, looked up at Yunseong and spoke in a surprisingly clear voice. “Oh, I wish I didn’t have a reputation of having realistic dreams!”
Yunseong thought he spoke too soon.
A Tuesday evening, the seven of them in the same exact outfits and practising the same exact songs, and Yunseong suddenly being summoned to the CEO’s cubicle. It felt like deja vu.
Outside the door of the CEO’s cubicle, Yunseong hesitated. ‘Is Minseo’s dream about to come true?’
Usually, he’d be overjoyed if any other one of Minseo’s dreams came true, but just not this one. His hand on the handle, he braced himself for the inevitable and stepped in.
Their CEO seemed to be in a better mood that he expected. Not the cloudy, gloomy mood which forecasted a storm, as Minseo said. “Good evening, Mr Hwang Yunseong. Do relax. You look like you’re about to get a bucket of ice dumped over your head” he joked.
‘No, it’s worse’, Yunseong wanted to say, but he laughed it off, as always. “I’ve been summoned here, sir” he said, expecting their CEO to cut straight to the point.
‘If he’s going to disband us, he might as well say it straight without sugar coating or beating around the bush’ thought Yunseong.
“We’ve actually planned out a summer event for you guys…” the man poured out a bunch of details but Yunseong couldn’t get himself to absorb all of it.
‘So they’re not separating us?’ Yunseong’s mind was abuzz with relief. After the CEO’s information overload ended, Yunseong courtly thanked the clueless man and headed out to get to his ‘kids’ and ‘wife’.
This time, outside the door of the practice room, Yunseong didn’t hesitate. He ran in, or more precisely, flew in with a bust of energy and fell in with the others, dancing ever-so energetically. All the others halted, making Yunseong halt as well.
The music played on, the members were statue-still, but Yunseong was smiling like a fool.
“Hyung…” It was Dongyun. “What’s up?”
Yunseong’s grin stretched even wider. “Guys, guess who’s going on a world tour this summer?!”
And the practice room erupted with deafening cheers. After showcasing their own celebratory performances, they all engulfed each other in a group hug.
Over all the heads, Minseo’s eyes met Yunseong’s in happy union.
This was their home, this was where they belonged and no one will ever break them apart.