Chapter Text
The August heat blazed down on Beth as she hauled box after box of her possessions from her car into her new apartment. “I need to start packing lighter,” she huffed as she looked at the trunk of her car noticing the final few totes left. “How can I really have this much stuff?”
“You need a hand?” Maggie, her roommate, asked after closing her own car door.
“Hey!” Beth shrieked, hugging her tightly. The two had been separated for months over the summer holiday and while they spoke often, nothing compares to having your best friend right down the hall.
The two continued to move in Beth while chatting, and shifting furniture around to form their shared space. They filled each other in on the summer’s adventures and all the news from other parts of their friend group.
“Knock, knock!” Jen, the third friend of their boisterous quartet, sang walking through the door followed by Hannah, their fourth.
“Hey!” Beth and Maggie shout popping out of their rooms to greet each other with excited hugs, happy to finally be reunited.
“Your place is already looking so cute!” Hannah affirmed. “What can we help with?”
“We were actually about to grab supplies for the sleepover and the party tomorrow. You wanna come?” Maggie asked excitedly.
The girls had a sleepover every year when they first got back to school; Jen and Hannah had been friends for years before college and held it as an annual tradition. When they decided to get different roommates as freshmen, Maggie and Beth, they wanted to keep the tradition. At first, the sleepover was a way for all the girls to get to know each other and have some comfort as they transitioned into a new place. Now it serves as the fill-in gossip session of the summer. No secret was safe.
The girls returned to the apartment with plenty of booze, candy, and snacks. Several hot secrets had already been shared, including new boyfriends, big breakups, etc. They were just getting down to the newest developments in their friend group.
“No way! You and Andrew are going out?” Maggie squealed with delight.
“I know right!” Jen beamed. “It’s been really great so far but I’m trying to go slow. I mean I don’t want a repeat of last time.” They groan upon remembering the ghosts of boyfriends past.
“Anything else exciting?” Beth asked. Maggie looks around sheepishly. “What is it?”
“Well, I heard Carson is seeing this new girl, Nicole, I think.” Beth feigned disinterest while the other girls sighed in her direction.“I’m sorry, Beth. ”
“No, don’t worry. I mean really, it’s not a big deal. I’ve been over him for months now.” Beth said flashing a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“I wasn’t sure if I should tell you. But I know he’s coming to the party tomorrow and I’m not sure if she’s coming so I didn’t want you to be taken off guard.” Beth could not stand the pity dripping from Maggie’s every word or Jen and Hannah's sorrowful looks. Her ego was already hanging on by a thread given the news and another second of their condolences would send it to the grave.
“Seriously guys,” Beth said, “I mean it was just some stupid crush. We’ve always just been friends.” After a few moments of awkward silence, she piped up again, “Maybe we should watch a movie.” They all agreed and started setting up the tv and picking out the perfect flick. Meanwhile, Beth snuck off to her room to catch her breath.
Before she knew it, her heartache overwhelmed her and tears began to collect in her waterline. She took several steadying deep breaths trying with all her might to hold back her cries and hoping no one noticed her long absence. She knew how silly her situation was, they were just friends and they always had been. But Beth always felt more and thought he might too. Carson checked all the boxes. He was funny, confident, kind, and handsome. He laughed at all her jokes, he always stuck up for her, and she could rely on him more than anyone else. She’d been hoping against hope for so long that their relationship had finally changed in his eyes; especially after the sweet texts and handwritten letters they’d sent all summer. She’d spent weeks hatching a plan to finally divulge her feelings for him, but once again, she was too late.
“Hey, Beth?” Maggie asked, knocking on the door. Beth hurriedly dried her tears and cleared her throat.
“Yes?” her voice wobbled out, exposing her secret.
“Can I come in, hun?” the door opened slowly exposing Beth huddled on the floor, flushed nose and watery eyes on full display. “Are you okay?” Maggie descended, wrapping her arms around Beth in a tight hug, the facade she was trying so hard to keep in place gave way. Beth cried heavy tears into Maggie’s shirt. “I’m so sorry. I know this really sucks.” Maggie cooed.
“Can we join in?” Beth looked up, Jen and Hannah were leaning in the doorway. She waved them over with a weak smile and they collapsed into a pile on her floor.
Party preparations were in full swing by late afternoon the following day. Jello shots were stacked high in the fridge, breakables were placed safely in bedrooms, and Jen had the distinct honor of creating the playlist. As the to-do list dwindled, the girls began to focus on getting themselves ready.
“Did the jello set?” Maggie called from the bathroom.
“Yeah, you want one?” Beth answered over the music as she grabbed a pregame drink. She headed back to the bathroom using all her dexterity to not drop her heap of supplies. She wiggled past Maggie in her bathroom and plopped down to set up her makeup. “I’m so excited for tonight!”
“This is gonna be the perfect kick-off for senior year!” Jen beamed as she walked past them to the floor-length mirror set up in Maggie’s room.
As the sun set people arrived, the closer friends first and the tertiary friends following. A good crowd filed in throughout the night. By the time eleven o’clock hit, the apartment was full of music and loud with chatter.
Beth and Maggie were catching up with some girl friends around the kitchen peninsula when Beth felt a pair of arms wrap around her. She smiled to herself and pulled the arms closer around her. “Hey,” She said sweetly expecting to hear the familiar rasp of Carson’s voice.
“Hey, Lizzie” She turned with a start. The baritone greeting her matched a different acquaintance than expected.
“Rafe, I wasn’t expecting to see you,” Beth blushed, embarrassed by her mistake. She moved to disentangle herself from him
“I’m full of surprises,” He flashed his dazzling smile.
“Rafe!” Maggie cried running over. “Why didn’t you tell me you were heading over?” She brought him in for a big hug. Rafe Cameron was Maggie’s hometown friend who was added to the friend group in their sophomore year after the girls decided he was their ticket into all things Greek Life. He was charming, attractive, and overall an arrogant pig. Beth could count on one hand all the girls he hadn’t tried to get with.
“Hey, Mags.” His grinned as they stepped back from their hug. He left his toned arm wrapped around her shoulder, his easy confidence shifting the conversation.
“How’ve you been, Beth?” Rafe asked blithely.
“She needs some cheering up. Don’t you Betty” Maggie jumped in with a fake pout, already more than tipsy.
“Oh really?” Rafe smirked, ““Oh really?” Rafe smirked, “How may I be of service?”
“It’s nothing really.” Beth contrived, meeting Maggie’s eyes with a settling stare.
“Oh come on Liz. Let me take your mind off of whatever it is” He wiggled his brows before backing himself into the kitchen. “Y’know I make a mean drink. What’ll you have?”
Beth gave a knowing smile, “ Surprise me.”
As the night ticked by Beth's anxiety grew, soon she was unable to dampen it even with the strongest of drinks. All she could think about was the potential entrance of Carson and his girlfriend. While she knew that the chances of them making an appearance grew slimmer as time passed, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she had just been missing them this whole time, that any moment they would appear and her heart would rip apart once more. This time she feared a new wave of tears would overtake her and she would be left to scramble for the privacy of her room before making a complete fool of herself in front of all these people.
Just when she was actually starting to relax, “Beth!” she turned inquisitively searching for the whisper of her name above the crowd. Her eyes finely met with the source, Carson. Her armor slipped for a moment, warmth wrapped through her chest and up to her cheeks, but then another figure rose up behind him. Beth was struck with a searing pain cutting her buzz in an instant. “Hey!” He brought her in for a quick side hug. “Long time no see! This is my girlfriend, Nicole!” He shouted over the music and brought her fully into Beth’s view. She forced a smile on her face as she caught the girl’s eyes.
Nicole was the exact opposite of Beth. Small and meek with wide, bright eyes. She immediately saw how well they suited each other; it cut through her and pulled the breath from her lungs.
How could I have missed it this whole time? She thought as Nicole reached out to hug her. Beth ended the hug quickly and gave Nicole a forced smile she hoped was convincing.
“Carson’s told me so much about you!” Her genuine smile lit up her face. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. I feel like I all heard about this summer was this mysterious friend ‘Beth’,” She laughed melodically.
All summer? He was with you all summer?
“The feeling is totally mutual!” Beth laughed trying to hide her astonishment as her heartbeat lept in her throat. Her eyes finally met Carson’s. Not even a wisp of worry or embarrassment was visible in his deep brown eyes.
Oblivious. He had a girlfriend all summer and he didn’t think to mention it once? Not even in passing? She tore herself from her thoughts deciding to sort through her anger and heartbreak later. As the conversation bore on, Beth kept praying for a good exit but nothing ever came. Before long she decided the giggles and blushes of the apparently not so new couple were absolutely sickening, her artificial smile would not last much longer.
“I gotta go grab something, but I’ll see you around.” She broke away from the conversation giving them a clipped smile and charging toward the kitchen to drown her sorrows.
She spent the entire summer writing to him, pouring over every line he’d return, and searching for the things left unsaid. She’d saved every note. She’d lay up late into the night dreaming of what would happen when they saw each other again. Her heart yearned, all summer, to say the secret she kept so close for so long. Her whole heart and mind feeling with every letter and every word, that he felt the same. That when they met again he would declare his feelings as wholeheartedly as she felt hers. She’d daydreamed the whole thing.
What an idiot.
She took another drink and slipped into the background.