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It was the fifth night after the events leading to Vordenberg and Danny’s dead, and Perry and JP’s disappearance. It was also the fifth time Carmilla had to shake Laura to waken her up between screams and tears, following shaking hands and clenching teeth. After waking up she would stare at Carmilla for half a minute -she counted-, while shrinking in a corner covered with that dust smelly blanket -although it was pretty warm-, before taking away her eyes from the young looking vampire and going back to sleep… or pretending to since being now the fifht day, Laura looked ill and exhausted to Carmilla.
The vampire would keep her distance when Laura acted like this. Then when the day passed, Laura would act like the nightmares never happened. Every attempt from Carmilla to try and talk about it would be dismissed by the young journalist.
“I don’t remember, okay? I just know they are not pleasant. I mean, they’re not pleasant for anyone” she would say after staring at Carmilla for a couple of seconds again and then to LaFontaine, who seemed to be having as much sleep as Laura.
They would avoid to talk with Laura or Carmilla and rather to spend their time making themselves bussy. Either exploring the library floors, passages and stalls, looking for the people that was in there when it disappeared or, you know, talking to the walls.
Carmilla didn’t know what to deal with first. The thought of her mother being alive, the bio major’s schizophrenic behavior or Laura’s stubbornness to not deal with her bad dreams.
“We need to deal with something first, cupcake” Carmilla would say. “If we wanna give a step towards a new plan you need to cooperate. Talk to me, Laura”. But Laura would just take a deep breath and curl in her corner to try and sleep some more.
It wasn’t until LaFontaine and Carmilla found each other in the third floor they told her what the dreams were about -unconsciously, because LaFontaine would never betray Laura’s trust-.
“It’s always the same. She dreams of the moment she killed the Baron. The moment she saved you and that’s what makes her scream” they said. “It is you. I’ve noticed the way she looks at you too. After every nightmare she stares and then avoids you…” They resumed before going back on their quest to find, well, anything in there.
Carmilla kept her distance the next three days. Now the one shaking Laura to wake up was LaF, while she just sat on the other side of the room, looking on the distance, to nothing particular. She wished she could escape somewhere to see the stars and forget about Laura’s suffering after saving her existence.
On the ninth night -the fourth one with LaF shaking Laura to open her eyes-, the ginger seemed to notice something and dissapeared out the room and into the book and shelves.
“Laura?” Carmilla whispered, getting no response. “Are you asleep already, cupcake?” She asked with no response -but she knew Laura couldn’t be back sleeping already- so she just kept talking. “I’m sorry… I am sorry you have to carry with someone’s dead because of me. I’m sorry you have to relive that moment every night now. If I could do something for you to forget it, I would”
Laura tugged the blanket covering her, her back to Carmilla and holding back some tears. They have talked, she had told Carmilla she saved her because she wanted to and yet, the vampire would have rathered to die than see Laura scream and cry every night.
Carmilla thought that Laura would feel better if she’d just go away and give her space. “I think is the best if I find another room to sleep. Or just to be. I think you’ll be better if I just go. Maybe you’ll get more peace if the vampire that corrupted your soul keeps the distance… I’m so sorry, cupcake” she said before getting up and runing on vampire speed out of the room.
Laura realized what those words mean a little too late. She tried to stop her, but damn Carmilla was fast. She knew she was fast. She needed to tell Carmilla the reality of her bad dreams because now the vampire had left and that wasn’t really the best for Laura. “But you didn’t want to talk about it, Hollis” she said to herself before going on the hunt of her ex.
She looked for hours and Carmilla was nowhere to be found, Laura even got worried the library had let the vampire out when she found LaF talking to a weird statue of a skeleton horse and they told her where Carmilla could be. “I don’t remember exactly what door is it, but on the fifth floor, where the astronomy section is? Yeah, there is some kind of planetarium. Maybe you’ll find her there” they said, before going back to their chat with the horse.
Carmilla was sitting on one of the last rows, or better said, she was sprawled over a row of seats, looking at the ceiling of the room filled with projections of constellations when she heard the door open and someone coming in. “Carm?” She heard.
“I’ve spent all day trying to find a way out of here, but this sentient trap won’t let me out. When I found the exit door it led me here, not out. So this is my home now” Carmilla said, not even getting up or stoping the projected stars.
Laura got close enough to see Carmilla in the dark, three seats away from where she was sprawled. Some cat behaviour could be noticed there. “And why would you want to leave?” Laura asked. Only after a few seconds of silence Carmilla sighed and gave an answer. “Don’t act like you don’t know. I know you well enough to remember you don’t fall asleep that easily. Hell if you were able to do it, you’d have had rested better even with all that research you did all the semester”
“You don’t need to leave because I’m having nightmares, Carm. What I did… It was my choice and it is me the one living with it. You leaving us, leaving me will not end the bad dreams”
“I beg to differ, given since the day we met I’ve only brought trouble to your life”
“Carmilla… I brought the trouble myself. You could say it was all the way around. Had I stayed quiet with Betty’s disappearance, you wouldn’t have to fight your mother, lose your sister and being almost decapitated by a creepy old Baron… As I said, I didn’t care. I wanted to save you”
Carmilla sat up and could see Laura’s side. She was looking to the front wall covered on stars. She sat next to Laura with a quick -vampire speed- movement. “And now every night you have horrible dreams about it. You shake and scream because you can’t handle the burden of a murder in your hands… Because saving my existence has cursed your life and-”
“And I shake and scream because in my nightmares I couldn’t save you” interrupted Laura, finally looking at her. “I’m not having nightmares as a punishment for a crime. My subconscious is not filling my head with the terrors I have to pay for taking a life. It is flooding my nights with terrible dreams where you die and I can’t do anything. I’m always late to save you and I can’t ever say anything to you, not even goodbye because you either are headless or just -for some Buffy related reason- turned to dust”
Carmilla stared at Laura’s face before saying “Oh”. The only thing she could think of.
“Yeah… So, I think this will go away eventually. But if I wake up and I don’t see you there, on the other end of the room being all your broody self I’m gonna think the nightmare is true… So please come back with me and LaF and, just be there… Please”
Laura made a move as to take Carmilla’s hand, but hesitated and just stood up to leave. After what felt like another hour, Carmilla stared at the constellations on the roof, slightly relieved it wasn’t her pressence but her abscence the thing worrying Laura. “Still not the moment tho” she thought, getting up and making her way back -easily thanks to the sentient library’s help- to the weird old stack room where LaFontaine was already sleeping and Laura was just getting ready.
“Hey” Laura said upon seing Carmilla passing through the doorway, with what Carmilla thought was a relieved expression.
“Hey” she said back, sitting close to Laura -but not close enough, never close enough yet- and giving her a look, hoping Laura could get the message. “I’m here. I’ll be here”
With that, Laura fell asleep looking at Carmilla, and Carmilla watched Laura getting to sleep. It was the tenth night after those tragic events and the first one without nightmares.