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Darkness.
Darkness all around him.
It was about to swallow him up.
To chain him to never let go.
Forcing him to stay here.
In this nothingness.
Forever.
It terrified him.
Even beyond that.
The panic was like a tight band wrapped around his torso, vicious and restrictive.
He couldn’t breathe.
He couldn’t move.
He was trapped inside his own body.
Paralyzed by fear.
Sweat streamed down his back.
But it was cold.
So cold.
“Vinnie…”
Her voice was like a teeny-tiny sparkle of light at the end of the tunnel.
Was this how dying felt like?
“Vinnie, calm down…”
The light became brighter for a moment.
Green eyes looking at him.
Warm.
Lovingly.
Charley…
His rock.
His reason and his life.
If the war won’t end and I’m looking for a shelter...
Can I stay with you?
He still couldn’t breathe.
He was gasping for air, desperate to fill his lungs with much-needed oxygen.
But the invisible band around his chest only tightened.
Hello, darkness, my old friend.
It pulled him away from her.
Pulled him back into this cold and horrible place between life and death.
Where there was nothing.
Emptiness.
His worst nightmare.
Images of the war forced themselves upon him.
For a moment, he was back on Mars.
A wrecked world.
A pressing silence.
Sand that used to be the most beautiful shade of red.
It was now black.
Saturated with blood.
Where was everybody?
Why was he here, all alone?
He didn’t want to be here.
“Vinnie…”
If there’s a place where I don’t belong...
Can I stay with you?
Her voice broke the world around him.
It made it shatter into a million pieces.
Like a dome made of glass.
Darkness.
Darkness was cold and lonely.
But not as lonely as living in a broken world.
A dead world.
Mars.
Once his home.
Now a graveyard.
Broken.
So was he.
He’d failed.
He’d failed them all.
His friends.
His family.
Everyone.
Dead.
All gone.
Blood.
So much blood…
“Try to breathe, Vinnie. Follow my voice…”
If I’ll never be anything they want me to be...
Can I stay with you?
He did.
He followed her voice.
It brought him nothing.
Nothing but that small light.
He reached out.
To grab it.
To hold it.
To feel its warmth.
But it slipped through his furry fingers and disappeared again.
No.
It was gone.
Just like everything else.
Like everyone else.
So much blood.
Blood-curdling screams broke the suffocating silence.
Screams of those whom he had failed.
It made his eardrums rattle.
It hurt.
It was as if they were calling to him.
To take him with them.
To bring him to a place called death.
He didn’t want to go.
He didn’t want to die.
Despite everything, he didn’t want to leave.
The pain of grief was horrible.
But he needed it to feel alive.
Was he still alive?
Why couldn’t he breathe?
Just breathe.
“I’m here, Vinnie. I’ve got you. You’re not alone.”
Can I stay forever?
Forever and a day.
And please don’t leave me, ever...
You take all my fears away.
Like a miracle, the screams faded.
The band around his torso loosened a bit.
Just enough to get some air.
But the darkness was still there.
The fear still crippled him.
That agonizing fear.
It was horrible.
Terrifying.
He closed his eyes.
He wished he hadn’t.
Blue eyes.
Sad blue eyes.
Full of allegations.
Those pleading eyes.
That both threaten and adore.
Harley.
His eyes flew open, but nothing changed.
She was still there.
Of course, she was.
She would always be there.
Staring at him.
Preventing him from feeling happy.
From feeling free.
Chaining him.
Pulling his strings.
Like a puppet master.
Twisting his mind.
Crushing his dreams.
He wanted to tell her, so badly, how sorry he was.
But he couldn’t.
It was like his jaws were glued together.
His teeth clenched with so much strength he feared they would disintegrate.
Maybe it was for the best.
She would never forgive him.
Deep down, he knew.
He would never forgive himself either.
To hear her say it out loud would probably crush him even more.
As far as that goes.
“Easy now, love. Breathe. I’m here.”
When the darkness comes and I lose my way...
Can I stay with you?
The everlasting darkness in this world of unending night.
It was like a fog.
The blue eyes faded.
But he could still feel the accusing stare.
The pleading look.
It burned.
He wanted to scream.
To cry.
To run.
Run away from this intense pain.
Run and never look back.
But he couldn’t.
No matter how hard he would run, it would merely follow him.
He couldn’t flee from this.
He couldn’t hide from this.
The legacy of war.
He was marked.
Forever.
Guilt pressed its heavy weight on his heart.
His racing heart.
What if it would explode?
Would he even feel it?
Or would he be gone without being able to say goodbye?
Death was such a strange thing.
Scary.
Permanent.
Dark.
Inevitable.
Uncontrollable.
Like drifting off into space without someone to hold your hand.
Disappearing into a terrifying black nothingness.
Forever.
The thought alone made his blood run cold.
He wasn’t ready.
He would never be ready.
To just vanish.
To fade away until there was nothing left.
Nothing but nothingness.
“Try to fight it, Vinnie. Fight this demon in your head. I’m here.”
If the end is near and I’m afraid...
Can I stay with you?
Demon.
A demon.
Was that what this was?
But that would mean that there was someone here with him.
Here, in this somehow blinding darkness.
There wasn’t.
Only whispers in the wind.
Ghosts from the past.
But they weren’t really here.
He could only hear them.
Feel them.
Yet, he was all alone.
Isolated.
Trapped.
Forever.
He would die here.
Maybe he was already dying.
It felt like he was.
All alone.
Choking.
He wanted to curl himself up.
To hold himself.
To feel a bit less lonely.
But he couldn’t.
Still paralyzed by fear.
And he felt more lost than ever.
“You’re not alone. Remember that. Now, breathe.”
If the end is here and I am feeling lonely...
Can I stay with you?
Not alone…
Like an echo, the sound of her voice vibrated through his mind.
His dark mind.
His troubled mind.
Scarred.
He wasn’t alone.
He wasn’t dying.
She was here.
Like she always was.
His reason to fight.
Saving him from his solitude.
From his demons.
Charley...
Perhaps there was a way out after all.
The darkness seemed to get thinner.
Like a fog that was about to clear.
Breathe.
He needed to breathe.
The strap was gone.
Freedom.
He could breathe again.
And so he did.
Short, rapid breaths.
Air swirled into his lungs like a tornado.
It made them burn as if they were on fire.
A tornado with fire.
The pain was unbearable.
But the light was magnificent.
Like a breath of fresh air.
“That’s it… Easy now…”
If a storm is coming and I get afraid...
Can I stay with you?
Slowly, the last of the darkness faded away.
It was replaced by more light.
Air.
Warmth.
A bed.
A blanket lying on the ground, crumpled.
Soaked fur.
Her arms around him.
Still panting, he blinked a few times.
Her auburn hair tickling his forehead.
Her hand on his white-furred chest.
Spreading her warmth and love through his body.
Like wildfire, it rushed through his veins.
Green eyes, looking at him without judgment.
There was only compassion.
And love.
So much love.
It brought him back to reality.
That cruel reality.
But a beautiful one too.
She was really here.
“Hey, you. Welcome back.”
The calming sound of her voice chased away the last of the panic.
He knew now.
He remembered.
He wasn’t dying.
He was troubled.
Plagued by horrific memories.
War.
A panic attack.
One of many.
She had guided him back to the light.
Like she always did.
Charley.
His guardian.
Always watching over him.
If I’m feeling lost and I can’t remember my way back home…
Can I stay with you?
Home.
What was home?
He knew, now.
He remembered.
His home wasn’t a place.
Nor was it a planet.
It was her.
Charley.
She was his home.
She was his everything.
His entire world.
He would be nothing without her.
Probably crazy.
Lost in the darkness.
Wandering.
Searching for guidance.
For a way out.
But he had her to take him by the hand.
To guard him and to guide him.
Charley.
His love for her was endless.
Like the universe.
He would do anything for her.
He would die for her.
He was there for her.
She was there for him.
It was like a circle.
The circle of love.
Unbreakable.
Connecting them.
Both of their souls in one combined.
They were one.
Always.
Can I stay forever?
Forever and a day.
And please don’t leave me, ever...
You take all my fears away.
His white-furred fingers entwined with hers as he rested his head on her shoulder.
Her soft yet strong shoulder.
His breathing slowed down by smelling her scent.
Her love was like a blanket.
Warm.
Comforting.
She’d saved him.
Once again.
Love was the key.
The key to everything.
He brought her hand to his mouth and planted a soft kiss on it.
Feeling the warm and soft skin under his lips, he closed his eyes.
Cautiously.
But the darkness was gone for now.
Because of her.
He was grateful.
Forever grateful.
For her breaking his chains with her love.
For freeing him.
For stopping him from dying.
Over and over again.
For he knew the darkness would come back.
It was still there, simmering in the background.
Waiting to jump on him when the time was there.
When he wouldn’t expect it.
But she would be here.
She was always here.
Charley.
He carried her with him.
Everywhere he went.
Just like the darkness.
Close.
In his heart.
His damaged and fragile heart.
He pulled her closer to him.
His tail wrapped around her leg.
He buried his nose in her neck.
Sniffing up her scent.
He wanted her close.
He needed to feel her love.
Drown in it.
To keep the darkness away.
As long as he could.
Charley…
“Say you love me…”
A smile.
Green eyes, like a bath.
A bath filled with love.
Warmth.
Life.
Where there was love…
There was life.
And where there was life…
There was light.
“You know I do…”
You can stay with me, forever.
Forever and a day.
I’ll never leave you.
I’ll always be here to take your fears away.
-The End-