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much can be said about crushes and unrequited love. more so when one has to deal with it at such a young age.
science says it has to do with hormones; how they basically cause a rampage in a teenager’s body and become the devil on the shoulder, encouraging them to do things prohibited by the adults in their lives.
smoking, drugs, partying late at night — or, god forbid, unprotected sex.
ace cringes. yuck. sex. she exhales loudly through her mouth. ace is above those urges. she believes so, anyway, because she’s never had those thoughts before. not with anyone, not even the pretty lady down the street from their house or the celebrities in those expensive magazines.
regardless of having little to no experience, ace would like to believe she’s smart enough to recognize the distinctions between every emotion written down in their books about teenagers and their development. she recognizes the thirst for alcohol, the itch for lakwatsa, the longing for barkadas and late-night stays in computer shops. she has to, so she can avoid them.
it mostly stems from the fact that she is a student athlete. discipline and all; healthy body, good performance. if she wants to continue playing basketball, she has to keep her body at its best.
on the other hand, ace just wants to stay out of trouble. that’s all.
but trouble has always had ways of following her wherever she goes. this time, she’s not quite sure if she minds the form it has taken.
the deafening contact of a hand against a volleyball pulls her out of her deep thoughts. ace sits on the bleacher with her elbows resting upon her knees, head hanging low between her shoulders.
“hoy, asuncion!”
ace blinks.
“manood ka kasi! wag kang puro tunganga diyan.”
ace lifts her head up, lips pursed in an attempt to hold back the apology already pressing hard behind her lips. it dissipates completely when she meets jana’s gaze, and she’s left with a confusing need to either stand up and jog around the court or stay still lest her captain finds more ways to teach her the ways of this game.
ace decides to stay and observe the friendly game instead.
against her better judgment, ace finds herself smiling while watching her captain in the court. completely immersed, jana doesn’t even look like she’s playing a friendly game. come to think of it, ace isn’t even sure if jana is capable of doing anything friendly — or just for the fun of things.
yet that makes her even more appealing, somehow.
appealing? weird mo naman, ace.
is that even an appropriate word to think of about someone?
for all her confidence about knowing the distinctions of emotions, there’s one thing in life, since transferring to this school, ace hasn’t quite figured out yet.
this… flood of emotions jana evokes in her. whatever this is— it’s weird, bizarre, putangina, hindi ko alam.
jana is intimidating. if she wants something, she’ll do everything in her power to get it. if something, or someone, gets in her way, she will summon a bulldozer and make sure to leave nothing but dust in her trail. she’s a spitfire, unafraid and unapologetic with her words when necessary — sometimes even otherwise.
but jana is… jana is also pretty. she’s tall. she’s beautiful. she looks beautiful with her hair tied up, even more so when she has it down; when the wind fans her hair and makes her look like an overqualified replacement of sandara park in that shampoo commercial.
ace takes a deep breath and places a hand on her chest — over her heart.
hirap huminga.
tapos yung biglang titingin si jana dito. tapos magtatagpo mga mata namin. tapos—
“huy.”
ace drops her hand and straightens up, cheeks heating up at having been caught.
“pulang-pula ka, ah?” myka nudges her, voice teasing. “kita mo crush mo, no? buking mo nga kung sino.”
“wala,” ace insists, the palms of her hands becoming damp against the material of her shorts. “mainit lang kasi.”
“weeeeh,” myka snickers beside her, scooting closer to nudge her even harder. “kita mo lang crush mo, eh. sino ba?” she nudges her again, and ace bashfully scoots in the other direction. in the distance, she thinks she hears someone call out her name again, but myka’s sudden closeness has her attention zeroing in on their touching arms, ears ringing.
myka gasps. “ako ba?”
“luh—”
“ASUNCION!”
a ball bounces off against the wall next to her, jolting ace in place while myka shrieks right next to her ear.
ace hisses as she rubs on her ear. “aray…” she briefly looks at her seatmate, before her attention is finally taken by the looming presence of one jana ramos in front of her, towering over her for a change.
“hi—”
“fifty burpees. ngayon na.”
“opo.” ace promptly gets up from her seat; doesn’t even twice, just wants to get away from the eye of the storm.
“ikaw, myka.”
“cap..?”
“ten laps around the court..”
“hala—! wala naman akong ginawa, kap!”
jana arches an eyebrow. “kaya nga. magdaldal ka lang diyan.”
the rooftop is a sanctuary of sorts for ace now.
she can claim to have profound thoughts when she’s hanging out here but truthfully, this is simply where she gets a break from jana. or thoughts of her. or anything of her.
at least that used to be the case.
“kamusta legs mo?”
ace does a quick internal check of her body. is she okay? is she vibrating? is she staying still like a normal human being?
parang tanga naman.
she slowly turns to where jana stands, nodding choppily. “okay lang. bakit ka pala an—”
“hindi nananakit katawan mo?”
“um… hindi naman.”
“ikaw kasi, di ka nanonood kanina. tinuturuan nga kita paano.”
“sorry.”
“wag ka mag-sorry.”
“.... okay,” ace swallows. “sorry.”
and then, the unexpected happens.
jana laughs.
the air shifts, the pollution disappears, the sky brightens and the general vicinity smells so much better than it did before.
“para kang tanga,” jana mutters, stepping closer to ace. the closer she gets, the more ace clams up in place, fingers fidgeting with each other behind her back. “sorry ka nang sorry.”
“sorry…” ace attempts to laugh it off. “habit eh.”
the silence that follows prompts ace to look up, and while a part of her is ready to admit that she really does have a crush on jana, she really wishes she hadn’t looked up because—
the sun is already setting and jana is standing in front of the glaring star. ace is no poet; never been good with words or charming descriptions, but in that moment — as the orange hue encapsulates the girl and gives her the impression of a halo above her head — ace is overwhelmed with words she’s never heard or read before, bursting at the seams and ready to spill any second now.
she’s filled with butterflies in her stomach and flowers in her head, vines decorated with compliments and confessions of pure love just waiting to crawl out of her trembling lips and finally, finally it comes out as—
“ang ganda mo.”
the world stops for ace. maybe this is the part where she grabs her bag and runs. never to return, never to show her face to jana again.
“alam ko.”
or not?
jana grins, one eyebrow quirking as she seemingly strands a little straighter, a little taller.
“pero mas nice pala pakinggan kapag galing sa’yo.”