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Frerin picked up the squealing dwarfling and spun around. The gleeful scream afterwards of “do it again, do it again!” made him smile as other children tugged at his tunic and pant legs, each wanting their turn. Fili smiled at his Battle Brother. Children always seemed to flock themselves to the Beta, he always obliged to hear them out, play with them, give them treats, it was why he kept a small pouch of honey candy tied his belt.
“Is this usual?” Kili asked softly, his fingers lacing with Fili’s as if to remind the Alpha who he was really with.
“Every city, every town, every village. They flock to him like ducks to a loaf of dry bread.” Fili smiled to the Omega he was working towards courting.
Kili smiled. “If he is not careful they will smother him.”
“He’s been trampled by elven children before, a few dwarflings won’t bother him. He’s an ox.”
“Better than a pig!” Frerin shouted out, referring to the farming incident that happened not too long ago.
Fili felt his cheeks flush and the hairs on the back of his neck bristle. “Shut it.”
Frerin reached into his sweets pouch and made little hog snorting sounds as he passed out the candies, the children laughing and joining in the game. “Sooooueeee-pig!”
“Piggy, piggy!” The kids chorused while snorting.
Fili rubbed a hand down his face trying not to have an outburst that would embarrass him in public.
“You’re all little boars.” Frerin said in a sweet tone, focusing on the kids and not the fact that Fili and Kili were holding hands. “Now go on, you’ve had your sweets and you’ve had your fun.”
The kids waved and said soft goodbyes as they went on their own ways, one little ginger pulled on him until she could place a kiss on his cheek then ran away.
“You’re very good with children.” Kili leaned against Fili, soaking in the warmth and comfort of the Alpha. “You’ll make a good father.”
Fili stiffened. “Kili.”
Kili looked at the prince. “I’m sorry. Um, mother?”
Fili shook his head, brows drawing together in a grieved expression as Frerin’s cheery voice spoke up.
“Can’t have kids.”
“What?” Kili looked to the Beta.
Frerin smile was wide and unfaltering. “Betas can’t have kids. It’s the main reason why Fili’s heir.”
The brunet’s eyes widened. He quickly let go of Fili’s hand to approach Frerin. “I’m- I- I didn’t know. I’m so, so sorry.”
Frerin waved his hand in the air in a dismissive manner. “Don’t worry about it. Hey, um, I need to run some errands and turn in some reports and all that boring stuff. You two, behave yourselves and meet up with Gimli down at the tavern, okay?”
“You sure?”
“Of course I’m sure.” Frerin clapped a hand on Kili’s shoulder. “Just because my life is boring doesn’t mean yours has to be as well.” He laughed. Before they could say more he waved them goodbye and walked off with a bounce in his step. The bounce didn’t last long, the father he got away from them, the slower his feet moved until he stopped. His eyes fixed on the ground in front of him as crowds of dwarves bustled about. He couldn’t have kids because he was a Beta. He couldn’t be anything but a disappointment to his sire because he was a Beta. He couldn’t be of any importance to…. to Fili… because he was a Beta. All he could be was a sterile cock blocker for Lady Dis and the omegas she governed over. At least that was something… and he made a great babysitter. He at least had that and it was strange to him that he was thankful for it. Then again, it was the little things that made a smile worth while and a smile was worth everything.
He picked up his feet, walking on. It was just that the one person he wanted to smile at him like he was the whole world wouldn’t… couldn’t and he had to be okay with that. Great, now he was depressed. He had to get out of his funk before he could do anything else. Any time he seemed to have even the slightest of problems everyone over reacted. In fact the last time he was sad he remembered Fili taunting him. He had to laugh it off even though it hurt his heart to be treated so cruelly, but what was one to do? He was the older one. He was the responsible one… he was the Beta. The one that was always level headed and never went too far into one emotion or the other.
He walked faster until he was up in the royal halls. They were always quieter there, there were areas he could be and not be stared at.
“Frerin?” Thorin’s voice tore him out of his thoughts.
He looked up from his aimless path.
“Sire.” He stopped walking, giving a deep respectful bow to his king. “Forgive me, I did not see you in the halls.”
Thorin watched his son and let his shoulders drop a little. He knew his boy. Knew when something was bothering him. “Son.”
Frerin stiffened. It was rare that he was called that and it was usually when he was in deep trouble. But for the life of him he couldn’t think of one thing he did wrong recently besides not stand at proper attention just now.
Thorin came up to his son, placing a hand on his back. “Frerin.” Thorin schooled his voice to be calm and soft.
The Beta prince felt his throat squeeze. The last time he heard that tone was when he was a dwarfling and was bucked off of a pony and cracked open his head. He had screamed and cried from the pain and his father, for the first time he could remember, was so fast. Picked him up and ran him to the healers. Thorin hadn’t left Frerin’s side until three days later. He remembered his father pale in the cheeks, his eyes always tracing over Frerin for any ill signs. It was the worst and the best days of his life. To have his dad right there, reading to him, telling him stories.
Frerin’s eyes dropped down. Why were his eyes starting to sting?
“My son, what is wrong?”
Don’t care. Please don’t care. Frerin thought. It only makes things worse.
“Frerin?”
He whispered something under his breath, turning his head away to show he wasn’t about to cry.
“What was that? Speak up.” Thorin kept his voice calm.
“I said I’m a disgrace.” Frerin drew in a deep breath. “A terrible, horrible, disgrace.”
“A-” Thorin was taken aback by what his son had said. “You are many things and all of them far from being a disgrace!”
“How am I not one?!” He turned to his sire, hands balled up into fists. “I’m a Beta! I-If I was born an Alpha I could make you proud! If I was an omega then I could be wed to Fili and… and…” He trailed off, feeling fat beads of tears run down his cheeks into his beard. He stopped talking after he realized what he had said. “I’m sorry. That was out of line.”
Thorin’s expression softened as he pulled out his handkerchief and handed it to Frerin. He rubbed a hand over Frerin’s back as his son dried his face, taking deep breaths to calm himself.
“Son.” Thorin wrapped his arm around Frerin’s shoulders and gave him a side hug. “Let me tell you a story. There was once a little dwarf that was learning how to ride his first pony. The pony bucked unexpectedly knocking his young rider off and right onto a rock. Now the boy’s father watched helplessly as his son’s head became red with blood. He ran to his son and you know what that boy said?”
“Cried his eyes out like I am now.” Frerin mumbled, feeling bad.
Thorin smiled. “He said ‘No, father, do not pick me up. I must get back onto the pony.’”
“Strong kid.”
“A strong prince.” Thorin rubbed Frerin’s shoulder. “I had to force you to allow me to pick you up and take you to the healer. And even though I was sick with fear, I couldn’t be any prouder. You only started to cry after we got to the healers, and every day, you still make me proud. You may be a Beta, son, but you are nothing like anyone else out there. And it seems to me that you may be upset right now because Fili is pulling away from you. You have spent over 80 years together and it’s natural to be scared and upset when things like this change. It breaks your heart no matter how close you are…”
Frerin blinked slowly, his bottom lip starting to quiver. “I loved him.” He admitted.
“I know.” Thorin slid his hand to the back of Frerin’s head and pulled him gently to place a kiss to his head. It was easy to see how much Frerin loved Fili. Fili was his world and when Kili came everything changed. Thorin had watched his son with a proud heart for how he accepted the Omega, how he welcomed and nourished with good spirits. But Fili needed an Omega, he needed to produce heirs.
“I loved him.” Frerin said again, pushing fully against his father. He wrapped his arms around him, holding tight as he allowed the truth of his problems sink in; he was heart broken.
“Now, now.” Thorin patted Frerin’s back. “Maybe some time away from him will help. A long scouting mission up north will be commencing soon, finding camaraderie in new Battle Brothers may be the balm you need for that broken heart.” Thorin pushed Frerin away by the shoulders to look at his face. “What do you say?”
Frerin nodded. “Okay.”
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“No.” Fili’s heart stopped.
“It has already been decided.” Thorin wrote upon the parchment in front of him.
“Then I’m going with him!”
“That is out of the question.” Thorin shot Fili a glare to show he meant business.
“What’s out of the question is that you’re sending my Battle Brother out to the north for half a year with a bunch of newly recruited scouts!”
“He will be fine. They are simply going to already cleared areas for further training, he is overseeing their furthered training.”
“The Fiery Forge they will!”
Thorin stood up quickly making Fili balk, his voice booming. “Are you insinuating that my son is incapable?!”
Fili bristled. “I said no such thing! I’m insinuating that anything can happen up in the Grey Mountains!”
“Enough of this.” Thorin sat heavily back down, shifting his parchments. “You are being childish and selfish.”
“Worry is not-”
“Fili, you are wasting time that could be spent more wisely by doing your duties. They leave today.”
Today?
Fili turned on his heel, dashing out of the king’s private study and down the royal halls. He ran as fast as he could down to the ground level where the markets were settled. He wildly pushed through the crowds and burst into the main courtyard. Where Frerin was by his pony and handing Kili his pouch of honey candy.
“Remember to-”
“Frerin!” Fili grabbed a fistful of cloak and pulled on the Beta.
“Mahal’s Hammer! Fili!” He nearly fell, yanked off balance.
“Don’t do this.” Fili’s heart was pounding, his breathing uneven.
Frerin laughed. “Look at this, Kili. Didn’t I tell you, he’s like a mother hen!”
Kili smiled. “You called it.”
“I’m serious. Don’t go.”
Frerin’s smile faltered slightly before pulling back up to normal. He pulled his cloak free from Fili’s grip. “Hey, no worrying. You’ll turn gray.”
“Stop joking around, stay, let them go on their own.”
Frerin’s smile fell this time. His eyes tracing over Fili’s expression. “We can’t always walk side by side Fili. You know this.” He gave a flash of a weak smile, patting Fili’s cheek before turning away and to his pony. He hefted himself up into his saddle. While gathering up the reigns he grinned at Kili. “Take care of him for me while I’m gone, you here.”
Kili smiled back. “I look forward to your return.”
“At least one of you do.” He gave the two a wink before digging his heels into the pony’s sides. The animal lurched forward into a gallop, a line of scouts followed in his wake as they started their journey.
“He took his lute.” Fili said under his breath.
“Is there something wrong with that?” Kili asked.
Fili frowned feeling a bit of jealousy spark up inside of him. “No.” He said sharply. Frerin only played his lute for him. He played it when they were alone together before Fili would lean over and kiss him. He would play it when Fili was sick and needed comfort. He would play it on special holidays. He played it only for HIM and he took it! HE TOOK IT!
“Who needs him anyway?” Fili grumbled.
Kili looked at him confused. “You well?”
“I’m fine… Kili? How would you like to learn to play the fiddle?”
Kili smiled. “I would like that very much.”
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6 months later
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The golden Alpha sighed into his pillows. He blinked dry eyes as he tried to will himself to do something other than lay in bed and fail at sleeping. The past few nights he had been so excited for Frerin’s return that he had forgotten to check in on Kili. He didn’t know why he was so flustered. Didn’t know why he was losing the sleep at the prospect of missing out on Frerin’s arrival. It wasn’t until Kili had been escorted to the royal quarters and the omega chewed him out about the poor care he was giving himself that Fili finally took a bath after a week of reeking like old sweat and unkept clothing. Now he was trying to sleep. Not in his bed. He dragged his pillows over the Frerin’s to try to get some resemblance of rest but the room had been aired out so many times by Lady Dis that all it smelled of was fresh linen. It didn’t smell anything like the honey and leather that followed the Beta.
Giving up, he got up and went to the closet. He dug out some of Frerin’s clothing because he didn’t have enough energy to go to his room and get his own. He dressed in slightly over sized clothes and shuffled his way out to the courtyard. Once there, he silently sat in the cold air and waited and waited… and waited.
It wasn’t until a week had passed in growing silence that Thorin sent out another scouting party. Something was wrong and everyone could feel it. Even the Omegas in their own little world were hearing whispers about how the charming prince, Frerin, had yet to come home. Kili sought out Fili more often and soon they were spending every bit of their free time waiting for the Beta to come home. And they waited and waited as the seasons changed.
Then the morning came that changed everything.
Thorin was out in the courtyard with Dis. The scouts had returned. And it was the first time Fili had ever heard his uncle make such humbled sounds. He held something in his hands, cradling it as if it was the most delicate glass.
Fili tried getting close to see and was intercepted by his mother. His voice stuck in his throat at the sadness in her eyes. His heart stopped beating as the silence was broken by the heart wrenching pain of Thorin’s tender cry.
“F… Frerin?” He looked to his mother who shook her head, tears catching on her lashes.
“In due time.” She said, pushing him to the side.
“No. No, he can’t be… he…”
“Shh, shh. Calm yourself.” She licked her lips, keeping a hold of Fili’s shoulders to give Thorin room. “He’s alive.”
Fili grabbed a hold of Dis’ arms as a great fear was lifted away but it was quickly replaced with a strange pressure. If he was alive… then why was Thorin crying?
He tried to steal a look when Thorin slowly walked by, his thick cloak of fur and feathers were wrapped around the dwarf he held close to his side.
“Frerin? Frerin!” He called out, but they did not stop, only moved forward.
“Time, child. Give him some time before you welcome him home.”
“What’s wrong with him. Tell me.” He clutched to his mother desperately. “Tell me!”
She shook her head.
That night was the first time Kili had witnessed Fili cry. The alpha buried his face in the omega’s lap, arms wrapped around his middle as he cried his woes to the omega he loved. All Kili could do was stroke Fili’s hair and listen. He was worried and scared. What had happened to the Beta that had made him welcome in Erebor like family?
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Thorin sat beside Frerin’s bed. He held a still hand and tried not to look at the twisted scars that bubbled up over once perfect skin. Thin red scars wrapped around the middle of Frerin’s hand from being cut into by wire.
“I am,” he heaved a deep breath, trying to fight back tears. He cleared his throat and looked down to his son. “I am so proud of you.”
Frerin’s tongue darted out to wet his tooth that was slightly exposed from a deep cut that pulled up the corner of his mouth in a permanent smirk. The other fresh scars that peppered his cheek above his twisted lip told the tale of how his face was beat into rocks. His hair butchered with chunks torn out, barely growing past hard scabs.
“I lost my lute.” Frerin said.
“It’s okay. I’ll have a new one crafted for you.”
“Don’t tell Fili I lost my lute.” Frerin stared up at the ceiling.
“I won’t.”
The prince pulled his hand away, sitting up slowly. Thorin got up out of his seat, hands positioned to help as his son struggled to get up. The blankets shifted and fell exposing his chest that had a deep scar puckered diagonally across, a crescent shaped one around one of his nipples where an orc had tried to cut it off at some point. There were thick knots of skin where he had been punctured and pierced. What hurt the most were the ones that were still healing, the flesh tender and in need of new applications of medicine, especially the fresh slice that was hastily stitched up by one of the scouts. It ran over half of his neck, on the right side.
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“He was captured by orcs, that’s what they’re saying.” One of the omegas whispered to the group that was gathered around.
“Wasn’t that area supposed to be clear?” Another whispered. “That was why the king had sent him, because it was supposed to be a safe place for them to train.”
“Orcs will be orcs.” A third added. “We should be grateful that any of them returned at all.”
There was a murmur of agreement before the first piped up, “Kili. You know better than any of us, what happened out there?”
Kili shook his head. “No one is saying. Far as I am aware they are not even letting Fili see Frerin and the other scouts that survived are being held under close observation in their quarters.”
“Isn’t that a bit extreme though? It’s been a week. Poor Prince Fili he was such good friends with Prince Frerin. If any of my friends returned under such circumstances I would want to see them on day one of their return.”
“Do… do you think they were disfigured and thus they are hiding them away?” Kili asked the question that had been on everyone’s minds.
“Let us pray not.”
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Something strange happened a month after the scout’s return. There was an announcement of a new military branch given unto the kingdom. It was a select group, dressed in black leathers, imbued with mythril knot designs. They wore dark masks and quite frankly Kili found them terrifying to look at. This new group, they were being specially trained, they were to be under the direct command of the king. They were the first of their kind, dwarven rangers called Forge Ashes. They were to have the utmost respect.
After the announcement Fili sought out Kili. Kili hugged him tight. “What on earth is happening? Who are those dwarves? How come our King will talk of them but not Frerin?” He asked feeling his body tremble. The Forge Ashes really scared him.
“I don’t know.” Fili held tighter.
“What about Frerin?”
“I don’t know.” Fili squeezed his eyes shut.
“You have to know!” Kili pulled away enough to look at the Alpha he had chosen.
“I’ve tried to see him but when I go to his room he is not there. I ask Thorin and he won’t answer me except say that he’s well. I ask my mother and she knows as much as me! I-I’ve tried to find him. I’ve waited outside his door, Kili, for two days and I could have sworn I’ve heard him playing his lute but soon as I open the door the music stops and the rooms are empty. I don’t… I don’t know what to think.”
“I… I’m sorry. I’m worried.”
“I am too… I just want him back here, with us. Where he should be.”
Two days later Kili found himself pressed up against Fili’s side, feeling his skin crawl once again. Everyone had been whispering about Forge Ashes, how they move like ghosts. They go through every place in the kingdom, and Kili had sworn he had woken up to one leaning over him in his bed but when he lit the candle he found himself alone and very frightened. Fili was beside himself with frustration. Not only was his omega scared, his uncle still won’t tell him anything about Frerin and he could have sworn that last night he heard lute music in his common room. He wasn’t sure if he was going insane, but if he was, insanity was a miserable state to be in.
Kili suddenly stopped walking, he pulled on the arm he was clutching to his chest making Fili stop.
“What is it?”
“There’s a few right there.” Kili nodded in a direction.
Fili looked towards where Kili was indicating and found a group of four Forge Ashes moving through the Market crowds. People parted ways for them.
“It’s creepy… I hear they never talk.” Kili tugged on Fili’s arm. “Let’s go somewhere else. Fili?”
Fili’s brows drew together as he watched the small group. While adults gave them a wide berth the children didn’t seem to care. In fact, they seemed to be rather friendly with the children.
“They’re.. Betas.”
“What?”
Fili felt his heart skip as the children were patted on the heads by the different Forge Ashes, but one in particular was the focus of the dwarflings. He had a sweets pouch. He pulled his arm free from Kili. He couldn’t breathe as he got closer, the different sounds of the world washing out as he watched black gloves hand out honey candies. Then the ranger was walking away, disappearing in the crowd.
“Frerin!!” Fili yelled out.
But he was gone.
That night Fili woke from a long needed sleep to the sound of soft lute music coming from his common room. He threw his blankets off and leapt out of bed. He threw the door open to find the hearth warm with a crackling fire and a Forge Ash sitting in a chair by the fire, fingers strumming out a melody. He stayed by the doorway as the lute fell silent.
The dwarf reached up, slowly pulling back his black hood exposing cropped gold hair that barely held thin braids.
“I had a dream once.” The ranger spoke, taking off his mask. “There was a man in a never ending darkness. The only light was from a great forge. Surrounding the man were crowds of tiny people, no bigger than thimbles. He rose a mighty hammer and brought it down on glowing metal sending a spray of embers to those below. The man at the forge asked me a question as to why I needed to stay. I gave him a truthful answer.”
Fili felt his whole body shake.
The dwarf looked to Fili. His scars showing in the light of the fire. “When I woke, it was because an orc had declared me dead and had thrown me from a steep drop.” He chuckled and started to tune his lute. “I found out later by one of my brothers that I had indeed stopped breathing and they had seen the amount of blood… Mahal sent me back.”
Fili’s hands bunched in his night shirt as he ground his teeth together. He shook and felt tears run down his face.
He smirked. “It took me some time to heal fully. Thorin wouldn’t let me see you, because of… reasons. But when I got well enough I found out you were having trouble sleeping. So, I um… I’ve been sneaking in here every night to play while you slept.” His smirk turned into a sad smile. “You sleep well when you hear music.”
“Why?” Fili’s voice wavered.
Frerin shrugged. “It’s your sleeping habit, not mine.”
“No! Why have you been hiding from me?!” Fili stormed forward. “Am I not your Battle Brother?! Do I mean nothing to you?!”
Frerin looked away and started to play his lute. “I haven’t been hiding from you. I have been… adapting. Plus it is forbidden for a Forge Ash to speak in public. You are my Battle Brother and to answer your last question; You mean everything to me.”
“Stop playing! Look at me!”
Frerin stopped and looked up at Fili. The alpha prince felt like the floor gave way from underneath him. This was Frerin’s face, scarred but still his, the devastating part were the eyes that always twinkled and smiled. There was no joy nor laughter in them. It was like being stared at by… by someone dead. Knowing it was disturbing Fili, Frerin picked back up his mask. He slipped it on before pulling back on his hood.
“I believe my welcome has been worn out. Goodnight, Fili.” Frerin pushed himself up onto his feet. He was almost to the door when he stopped and turned around. That eerie mask caught copper highlights from the glow of the fire.
“Frerin?”
He turned back towards the door and reached for the knob.
“What… what did you tell him? The man at the forge. Mahal.”
“I told him I loved you and I wanted to see you happy even when you do not share the same towards me.” He opened the door. "Goodbye, Fili."