Archive of Our Own

I buried my brother. Alone.

A hand rested on a tombstone. A cold breeze passed by, sliding off the hood, revealing Kaname’s pale face. He kneeled down, legs burying in the snow covering the ground.

He didn’t deserve to end in a dirt hole like this. 

He placed a pink carnation on the grave. Snow was falling, landing gently on his head and shoulders. He made no effort to brush them away.

They said my brother was in Hell. They said my brother was facing punishment for his actions.

A tear rolled down from his already swollen eye. There were dark circles under his eyes, a result of being unable to sleep many nights. It wasn’t because of the shack where he lived under, where he feared the roof falling down on him. No, it was because of the warmth that was once there, the only consolation for him in difficult times was gone. Leaving nothing behind, like a ghost.

Since when did ghosts give warmth, he wondered?

I said to them, if eternal torture is what he deserves, then God may as well not exist at all.

He placed his head on the tombstone, arms wrapping around it tightly into a firm embrace. Tears cascaded from the corners of his eyes before he even knew— and he wept. He wept under the cold night, his tears melting into the snow. He clung onto the tombstone with dear life. Even if the person lying underground was gone, he wanted to accompany him, to provide warmth, so that he wouldn’t be cold for at least tonight.

Just like how he had been with Kaname in the coldest of nights before.

A touch, similar to that of a hand's, could be felt on his shoulder. But he didn't notice it in the midst of his sobs.

He stood up and left. He noticed no one, for he couldn't see anyone.

A rose was placed beside the carnation after he was away.

—

The wooden benches were situated in neat lines, where people sat in await for their case to be called. In the opposite position, facing them all, the place where people fixed their gaze the most throughout the period— was where the judge stood.

“Yuzuru. Next case, please.”

Upon hearing the order, Yuzuru nodded. He browsed the stack of paper placed in front of him, hand reaching out to grab one of them. A short pause. He read with a blank face, and if he was hesitant to call the next case, he succeeded in hiding it. “God and the Kingdom of Heaven and Earth versus HiMERU.”

“Excuse me?” Eichi frowned, but he immediately molded his expression back to normal. He coughed, as an attempt to recover from his initial shock. “Who submitted this?” His eyes wandered around the courtroom, and he soon spotted a hand raising up to the air.

A man in his twenties, red haired, waved to Eichi from a seat afar. He wore a smug expression when he introduced himself, akin to a troublemaker. “Your Honor. My name is Amagi Rinne.”

“Amagi-kun.” Eichi reconfirmed the name, before smiling benignly out of politeness. It was crafted for professionalism, not that he had any emotions felt for Rinne. “I’m sorry, but I must deny this case.”

“Expected that.” Rinne sniggered, waving a piece of paper in front of Eichi. The latter felt his smile drop a bit at it. “I have a writ. You can’t deny me.”

For days and nights, Rinne traveled many places, trying to get his hand on this so-called writ. He didn’t mind sleeping on hay, nor did he mind having to wait many hours for someone kind enough to give him a ride. It didn’t matter at all as long as his case was accepted— which he sure would happen. Even if the judge initially denied it, he had to accept it, because Rinne had the writ. He had to.

It seemed that luck wasn’t on his side. 

In lieu of a response, Eichi turned away, deciding to pay no more attention to him. He called out to the bailiff next to him instead. “Yuzuru, next case.”

The reaction was like a punch to Rinne's face. 

“You’re ignorin’ me now?” He scoffed, walking to the bench where Eichi was at. “I told you I have a writ!”

Eichi sighed, but he did nothing to prove that he acknowledged Rinne’s existence other than that. Rinne glared intently at him, his stare demanding answers, while the other gazed aimlessly to the wooden walls of the room. It was not after a long moment— presumably ten minutes or so, until Eichi faced the burning glare directed towards him.

The smile was still on his face, and seeing the sight made Rinne’s blood boil. It now looked much more strained, however.

“Rinne-kun. You’re a friend of HiMERU-kun, right?” Eichi’s tone could be considered gentle, but to Rinne, however— there was an edge of something dangerous to it.

“Finally speakin’, aren’t you?” Rinne clicked his tongue. “Yeah. What about it?”

“Then you must’ve known about the betrayal of his, then.” Eichi continued. Upon hearing those words delivered in such a casual way, he clenched his fist under the bench, where Eichi couldn’t see it. The latter chuckled lightly, and it was too fake. Hearing it was like grating Rinne's ears. “It’s pretty popular among many.”

But the laugh soon ceased. Eichi leaned on the table to get a closer view of Rinne. The atmosphere around him shifted, becoming more serious and, in a way— suffocating. As if he was a prey that could be devoured at any given moment by the predator that was studying his every move, silently. 

He felt small in front of those calm eyes. He felt helpless when faced with the past that was unchangeable. 

It was not until Eichi leaned away did Rinne exhale a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

“I’d advise you not to speak about it again.” Eichi said. “Your friend betrayed someone that didn’t deserve it.”

Oh. So that was the reason.

Rinne understood now. He understood why despite having a writ, he was being treated like this. It all had to do with that goddamn revolution.

“You’re serious?” Rinne spat out in disbelief. His knuckles were white as he clenched them, but Eichi wouldn’t know that. Even if he did, he probably wouldn’t care. “You’re just goin’ to let him suffer in Hell like that?”

“Am I serious?” Eichi glared at Rinne, which was something he hadn’t expected when stepping into this stifling excuse of a courtroom. He thought that Eichi would continue the composed image— seemed like that wasn’t the case. “I’m very serious, Amagi-kun. When you hurt someone, you will receive the same treatment. That is karma.”

Rinne opened his mouth as if to say something, but he was stopped.

“Kazehaya-kun was crucified because of him.”

He shut his mouth.

Eichi’s gaze lingered on him for a moment, before holding his hand out to him. “Please give me the writ.”

Rinne complied without any further comments. He didn’t say anything either, when he watched Eichi skimming through the paper. His eyes lingered on the sign, and he must’ve recognized whom it was from, seeing how a flash of shock passed through his features. A sigh then escaped his lips, and at that moment, Rinne knew— that the case wouldn’t be accepted. 

Yet.

“I’m sorry, but we cannot accept this case. Next case.” Those words, paired with Eichi’s usual tone, was probably the last show of politeness he gave Rinne for today.

Following that was Rinne’s exit from the courtroom.

—

“You want me to tell God to sign this writ?” Ibara asked, eyeing Rinne with curiosity. “Why should I?”

Rinne was in Ibara’s office now, after his distasteful encounter with Eichi. Perhaps, by getting God’s signature, there would be more chances of the case being accepted. Thus, he went to the person who he knew had acquainted with God before— Saegusa Ibara. He reckoned it wouldn’t be that easy, because Ibara made him doubt his image of what a saint was supposed to be like. Sly, tactical, calculating. A snake. How he managed to become a saint was a mystery to Rinne.

“Probably because it involves your cousin?” Rinne said sarcastically, as he tilted his head slightly to one side, while his arms folded in front of his chest. 

“I wonder how you knew that.” Ibara raised an eyebrow. He switched the topic, however. “Family ties aren't a convincing reason. Besides, HiMERU-shi can’t be saved.”

Seeing the bemused expression on Rinne’s face, he continued. “Kazehaya-shi had forgiven him long ago. However, it was his choice to stay in Hell. He can leave if he wants to— but he didn’t, and that’s the problem.”

“Why would anyone wanna stay in that pit of fire?” Rinne asked, genuinely confused.

“How am I supposed to know?” Ibara let out a short laugh, as if not taking this whole situation too seriously. He had no reason to. Not when his relationship with his cousin was nothing more than a business deal, Rinne assumed. “Maybe you should go to Hell and ask him.”

“What a funny joke.” Rinne rolled his eyes, placing his arm on the table as he rested his head on his palm, lowering his body down for a bit. He was now at Ibara’s eye level, glaring back at him. Ibara's true intentions were shielded behind a cover of blankness, and nothing was to be deduced from his face. "You know mortals can't access Hell by normal means."

"Oh? Are you implying that I should be the one going there?" Ibara replied, unfazed by the menacing aura Rinne was emitting.

Rinne didn't reply. Instead, he continued their stare-down for a few minutes or so. Ibara didn't back down either.

To Rinne, those mere seconds were painful. To Ibara, however, they were enough for him to craft a whole plan in his head by the time he spoke again.

"Amagi-shi." A hint of a smirk was now on Ibara's face, which immediately alarmed Rinne to be careful of whatever he was plotting. "I can help you get a writ signed by God."

Just before Rinne could feel any relief or uneasiness from that, an index finger was raised in front of his eyes. "On one condition."

There it was. Rinne held back his sigh. Ibara wasn't the one to accept a deal where he couldn't gain anything from. 

"I heard that HiMERI-shi was related to… let's just say, a pretty important figure."

Rinne's brow furrowed, and he doubted his ears for a second. Important figure? If that was indeed the case, then why did HiMERU even live in poverty?

"I've been thinking of retrieving some assets." Ibara continued. "And it just so happens that HiMERU-shi is inheriting them."

"You'll have to talk to him about it, then." Rinne shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know much about his family."

"But," He gave Ibara a death glare, which proved to be futile, seeing how Ibara barely held back a snort at it. "Your days are counted if you take any advantage of him."

"Is that so? I'll keep that in mind."

Whether it was a lie or not, all Rinne knew was that Ibara, this damned excuse of a saint, was almost on the verge of laughing. Not out of condescension, no— it was out of excitement for what he was probably going to gain from this deal.

"Don't worry too much." As if reading his mind, Ibara flashed a half-baked attempt of a consoling smile. "Do you think I'd manipulate his mental state to get what I want?"

Rinne almost laughed. Wasn't that what most thought of Ibara? "Sounds like what you would do." He answered without a second thought.

Ibara got up from his seat, and walked over to the door. His back was facing Rinne, even when he spoke again.

"Do you know why I'm sure HiMERU-shi would give all his inheritance to me?" Despite Ibara not being able to see him from his angle, Rinne shook his head.

"Because he doesn't want anything to do with his family anymore."

The door closed shut with a soft click.

—

The prison cell door creaked open. It had rusted away after days, months, or years even. Ibara walked in, no one present in the cell other than him and the person who was hugging his knees while burying his head in his own arms. There was a manacle on his leg, connected with a metal ball.

The cell was hot and humid, and it was unpleasant to breathe in such an atmosphere. The sooner he got what he was here for, the better. Ibara moved towards the man.

The Tojous were a family of saints before, but only God knew fully the reason for their fall. It happened a long, long time ago, and the rumors had disappeared along the tides of time. Ibara didn't care about it either.

His objection was clear: to get the assets inherited for generations, and exit the place.

They were a family related to God, after all. They must have something.

HiMERU didn’t flinch when his footsteps echoed in the area. Even when Ibara coughed to gain his attention, he moved not even an inch. It was as if he was a lifeless corpse, despite his breathing faintly audible. The long silence that stretched on didn’t help easing the uncomfortable atmosphere Ibara was already in. He sighed, deciding that he would be the one to speak first.

“HiMERU-shi.” Ibara called out his name. No response. He kneeled down to HiMERU’s eye level, and repeated his name again. A futile attempt like the last one.

“Can you hear me?” A grunt followed those words. At least Ibara could confirm that HiMERU wasn’t deaf, though the lack of response was draining his patience.

“Good. I’m here to have some business with you. It’s about Tojou-shi.” Upon the mention of his family name, HiMERU raised his head a little. 

“Since you are his elder child, I wonder if you have inherited something from him or not?”

A long pause. Now that Ibara had a closer look at him, his appearance was much more disheveled than he had imagined. Unkempt hair, ragged clothes with holes and patches on them— the sight was pitiful to an extent. He stared at Ibara through the strands of his hair, and the latter noticed how the amber color of them had dimmed to the point of being brown instead.

A small shake of his head was HiMERU’s answer, before his face was hidden behind his arms again.

This could be considered Ibara’s most painful deal to get through, for he had never communicated with someone so akin to a statue. Despite this, a bit of his patience still remained, so he continued on. He chose to get straight to the point, seeing how HiMERU was half deaf to his words. “Then, who inherited his assets?”

It wasn’t a stretch to say that Ibara got caught off guard when HiMERU raised his head up again, but fully this time. His eyes pierced through Ibara without blinking whatsoever. They were bloodshot, and under them were dark circles. His cheeks were hollow, and a single drop of tear ran down on it.

It was red.

“...He abandoned us both when we were still kids.” He croaked. He sounded almost on the verge of tears. “Who do you think still owned them, then?”

It finally clicked. None of the Tojou’s younger generations owned anything of that sort. Ibara went to the wrong person.

He held back a sigh. He wasted his time here for nothing, it seemed. The whereabouts of the eldest Tojou who was still alive— HiMERU's father, was unknown, but it wasn't a part of Ibara's worries. He has enough assets at his disposal to investigate it.

“It was a pleasure working with you, HiMERU-shi.” Ibara stood up, giving him a salute. He exited the cell and was going to close the door, but stopped halfway. Something caught his eyes. HiMERU was looking out of the small window, staring blankly into the bright, blue sky.

He turned back slightly when Ibara placed a hand on his shoulder. Out of pity, of course, not that their relationship was anything more than a tactician and his chess piece.

“Do you want to be freed from Hell?”

HiMERU only stared at him.

“Do ‘I’ look like someone who deserves that?”

Until then did Ibara realize that the chain restraining his legs was not the only thing holding him back from freedom.

—

The gavel banged, the sound echoing in the room.

“Next case.” 

“God and the Kingdom of Heaven and Earth versus HiMERU.”

Eichi froze. He turned to face Yuzuru, who seemed to be as shocked as him, despite none of the two displaying it. “Excuse me?”

“He had a writ signed by God, Eichi-sama.” Yuzuru brought the writ closer to his view, and there it was— the signature from God himself, right at the bottom.

In the midst of the crowd, Ibara was waving at Eichi. The former wore a smug expression on his face, and that was enough to tell Eichi what happened. Not to mention how Rinne was sitting right beside him, crossing his arms as he stared disdainfully at Eichi.

“Your Eminence.” Ibara greeted. “What a pleasure to be seeing you here.”

“Saegusa-kun.” Eichi replied back. In contrast to the bright, jarring smile of Ibara’s, it took him more effort than usual to muster up a smile. He felt the corners of his lips twitch. “I suppose that you decided to help out your cousin?”

“Not for free, of course.” Ibara ignored the scoff of Rinne’s, taking the chance to flash a smirk at Eichi.

If these two had something in common, it would be the fact that both annoyed Eichi.

“Yuzuru, where’s Wataru?”

Before Yuzuru could have any chance to reply, a figure rose up right beside Eichi, his long hair swaying around with panache.

“I’m here!” Wataru said, giving Eichi a bow. “Present and accounted for and absolutely willing to defend with astonishing sagacity the sanctity of the Kingdom of Heaven and Earth, against the traitor— HiMERU, who was tainted by the dark marks of his sins—” He faced the bench where Ibara and Rinne was seated, and continued with visible confidence, “—I, Hibiki Wataru!”

“Please sit down.” Eichi gestured to Wataru. The latter did what he was told, while looking at the other two with intrigue. “The trial hasn’t begun yet.”

“Please excuse me, Eichi. I’m a bit too excited.”

“I understand. This is indeed an interesting case.” Eichi nodded, and turned back to the other two. He focused mostly on Rinne, though, and the subject of his attention knew it. “Amagi Rinne, is that right?”

“It is.”

“A bartender?”

“Yeah.” 

“You are fully aware that HiMERU-kun had led to the crucifixion of someone, right?”

Rinne nodded.

“You do know that your friend is a foul traitor who betrayed his teacher for 30 pieces of silver, right?”

Another nod, but hesitant this time.

“And you’ve probably known,” Eichi lowered his tone, and the atmosphere shifted slightly to become much more suffocating, much more serious, “That your friend’s actions are publicized, and well-known for many? That he will never be found innocent, because his actions are made to be a lesson for the believers, thus making his sins displayed for all?”

“Yes. I know it all.” Rinne answered firmly. “But what I also know is that I won’t let Merumeru suffer in that pit of fire ever again.”

“Is that what he said?” Eichi tilted his head slightly to one side. Though, it wasn’t Rinne who answered this time— but Ibara instead.

“HiMERU-shi is partially catatonic. He also seemed to be resistant to the idea of being released from Hell."

If not for the fact that Rinne was in a court, then perhaps he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from giving this damn saint a punch on the face.

"Rinne-kun, even he himself didn't want to do so. So how could you submit an appeal in his name?"

Eichi's expression was oddly innocent, and Rinne almost gagged. "You think anyone would like eternal damnation?" He scoffed. "Such bullshit."

"You're really persistent." Eichi sighed, shaking his head. "I don't have any hope for HiMERU-kun to be found innocent, nor do I want that to happen."

Rinne bit his lip. Eichi didn't want to proceed with this case, his words earlier were enough to prove so. He was going to be denied again, wasn't he? Even God's signature couldn't help him out this time.

That was what he thought.

"9 a.m tomorrow." Eichi's eyes pierced into his, and his face was without a hint of a smile on it. "Does that work for you?"

Rinne blinked in surprise, and he nodded, bewildered.

"Yuzuru, put it on the docket." The person mentioned did so upon hearing those words. "Anything else you'd like to add, Rinne-kun?"

"No. Nothing else," Rinne added after a second of afterthought, still dazed, "Your Honor."

"Then," Before he could ask the reason for Eichi’s sudden approval, the gavel banged. "Next case."

—

Night had not yet fallen, but the sky was already dark. The sounds of raindrops falling were muffled, providing some background noise to the silent place. In contrast to the cold, gloomy atmosphere outside, the bar was lit up dimly by the warm, yellow lights that hung around the walls. A young man, blue hair shielding his face from the light and hiding it away in the dark, sat near the counter. His head was resting on his palm. He swirled the drink in his glass around mindlessly, deep in thought.

“So, have you decided yet?”

HiMERU glanced up. The bartender had finished wiping the glasses, which meant that his time of thinking had come to an end.

“HiMERU might accept.” Was the answer to the question, delivered hesitantly after a minute of silence. He could hear the sigh of the bartender, and the faint sound of glass colliding on the wood of the shelf.

“Might? Don’t you need money? I’m givin' you a chance here. It’s hard to get a job these days, y’know.”

Silence was his answer. Rinne sat down on the opposite side of the counter, and raised an index finger. HiMERU’s eyebrows furrowed, not understanding what he was trying to say.

“One day.” Rinne said. HiMERU raised an eyebrow, and he continued. “I’ll give you one day to decide.”

It took a moment before HiMERU nodded, and he soon got up from his seat. The place remained quiet, until his hand reached the doorknob. A hand was placed on his shoulder.

“Take this.” Rinne handed him a small sack, jingling with pieces of silver.

HiMERU stared dumbfoundedly at it. “HiMERU can’t accept this.”

Rinne placed the sack in his palms anyway, despite his words. HiMERU sighed and nodded curtly, once again, before turning the doorknob and exiting the bar.

Not before he said something. “HiMERU will return the favor.”

He didn’t see Rinne’s reaction, but he had already imagined how the man wouldn’t accept his money in the near future. Forcefully. As in, threatening him to keep his money. It made him feel uncomfortable, in a way, but he couldn’t do anything much about it. He hated being indebted to others.

He pulled the cloak over his head and stepped out.

The first thing that greeted him once he was outside was the sudden downpour. It hadn’t been more than mere seconds when he was soaking wet, despite having an umbrella in his hands. Though, the state of the umbrella was beyond repair, with holes on them. That explained it.

He rushed through the road, trying to make his way back home without delay. A certain someone was waiting for him at home, weak and bedridden. He must get home soon.

He tripped and fell on the ground.

Water splashed over his body. The umbrella was knocked out of his hands, making rain pour down violently on him. He was now fully drenched, and the rain made it harder to get up without falling over the slippery ground again.

Before he had time to scold himself, an umbrella was held over him. HiMERU glanced up from under his cloak, and amber met purple. The purple of lilac fields, gently casting their gazes on him. Hair, mint-colored, long enough to reach the individual’s shoulder. A smile adorned his face.

“Do you need help?” The voice was as calming as his appearance, and HiMERU surprisingly found himself being drawn to it.

That was the first meeting between him and the Son of God.

—

“Very little is actually known about HiMERU-kun, isn’t it?”

Nagisa nodded. “...It is as Hiyori-kun said. The background of him is hidden in the dark for many years. Even those closest to him didn’t know everything about him.”

“So, he was chosen to be an Apostle, betrayed Tatsumi-kun, and hung himself.” Hiyori said. “That’s all we know. Though, Jun-kun did mention something about how he changed a lot after his sickness.”

“...Something about how he became more distant?”

“You’re right! And how he had adopted that eccentric way of speaking as well!”

 “...It was as if he was an entirely different person.”

“Well,” Hiyori glanced at the door, “Jun-kun is arriving later, so I think we should leave the spotlight to him.”

“...You’re right.”

The gavel banged. The jury instantly stopped talking.

“Next witness.”

“Your Honor!” Wataru replied, gesturing to a bench where the witness in question was. “The Prosecution now calls Tojou Kaname, younger brother to HiMERU, to the stand!”

Kaname stood up, and did what he was told. His skin seemed paler than it was, now that it was exposed to the lights that hung on the ceiling. The cloak that draped on his body was ripped and torn. He took off the hood, eyes trembling as he looked at Eichi.

His mind was a mess, and he could barely pay attention to what anyone in the court had said earlier. This, of course, made Rinne’s gaze on him go unnoticed.

“State your name.” Yuzuru ordered.

“...Tojou Kaname.” Kaname replied, his voice a bit shaky as he did so. 

“Good day, isn’t it, Kaname-kun?” Wataru said with his usual cheerful tone. It caught Kaname off guard, and he hesitated for a moment before nodding.

“It is.” He replied, as an afterthought.

Anxiety was clear on his face, he knew that. Which was why it wasn’t a surprise how Eichi had tried to calm him down.

“There’s no need to worry.” Eichi gave him a smile. “Wataru is going to ask you questions, but I believe that you can answer them.”

Kaname swallowed his own saliva, and nodded. He had anticipated this to happen, after all— there was no reason for him to be in a court other than answering questions.

“Then, we shall begin!” Wataru said. “Kaname-kun, you are the closest to HiMERU-kun, right? Can you recall the reason for why he betrayed Tatsumi-kun?"

Kaname froze. The reaction didn't pass Rinne's eyes, and he immediately stood up, shouting at Wataru's direction. "Already? Isn't this topic too serious to start with?"

"There's no topic that is too serious in a court." Eichi answered, gesturing to Rinne to sit back down. The latter obeyed, but reluctantly. "We'd like to get this over as soon as we can. No wasting time."

"Indeed, Eichi!" Wataru nodded to Eichi, before facing Kaname again. "Though, you can always take your time to answer, of course." 

Many times, Kaname opened his mouth to say something, but he immediately shut it afterwards. In the corner of his eye, he saw Rinne giving him concerned glances— which he didn't expect, considering the demeanor of his brother's friend. He thought it was understandable, though. At least Rinne cared about his dead friend enough to go through the trouble of obtaining the writ.

Something that Kaname wished he had done, but failed to know about until it was too late.

"Onii-chan, well, he…" Kaname gulped, trying to stop sounding so shaky. "...I was very ill once, you know."

The court kept silent as he spoke. "We were in poverty. It was hard for onii-chan to get any jobs to pay for medicine or doctors, because he was a filthy person, and a nobody— according to the rumors."

"Until he heard about the rumors of Tatsumi-senpai’s revolution, and the bounty placed on him."

—

Kazehaya Tatsumi wasn't a stranger to him. But to the other party, however, it probably wasn't the case. The cloak had helped him hide his identity when HiMERU met him in the rain.

He had heard many stories about the Son of God. Mostly from his brother, who was an Apostle. It happened, for reasons he didn’t know, but his brother had once returned home with a beam on his face, saying how he was chosen to be an Apostle. To say that Kaname was Tatsumi’s most devoted believer was no exaggeration. HiMERU couldn’t care less about Tatsumi, but now, seeing how his brother was so attached to him, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy.

It was weird. It was even weirder that he felt happier when Kaname got sick, and had to rely on him instead.

He buried the feeling in the deepest corner of his mind.

The door creaked open. HiMERU stepped inside the pathetic excuse of a house, water dripping from him and falling onto the wooden floor. He hung the soaked cloak on the coat rack, hoping that it would dry when the next morning came. In the corner was a bed— and resting on it, was the fatigued body of Kaname’s.

He called out to him. “Kaname?”

A silence, accompanied by the shuffling of the bedsheet. Kaname sat up, half-lidded eyes looking to HiMERU’s direction. “Onii-chan, is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me.” HiMERU sat on the edge of the bed, eyes softening. “How are you feeling now?”

“I’m just a bit tired. It’s nothing too serious.” Kaname smiled weakly, a response meant to ease his brother’s concern. HiMERU didn’t believe it, but he decided to switch the subject for now.

“I’ll go and make some porridge.”

He walked to the kitchen, poured some rice into a pot and began to rinse it. He simmered the pot of rice and water, stirring it until the liquid had been absorbed fully. The hot air hit his face occasionally, which was uncomfortable, but he was used to it by now.

The meal wasn't grand, and there wasn't anything to eat along with it. HiMERU wasn't able to buy any vegetables, and meat was a luxury. Also, his cooking skills were limited. But it was enough for both of them. They weren't two who needed much.

He brought the bowl of porridge to Kaname. Before he requested to feed him, however, he was stopped by Kaname grabbing the spoon from his hand.

"I can do it by myself."

HiMERU froze, just for a second. He nodded, watching Kaname eat his portion of porridge for a short moment, before walking to near the door. His hand grabbed the cloak from the rack, which caught Kaname off guard. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get some rice." He answered as he put on the cloak— which was still wet. It made him shiver, and this wasn't even counting the fact that his hair was still damp. He was going to have a headache later, that was for sure.

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" Kaname said, not understanding HiMERU's choice to head out in the rain again, while night was approaching as well.

But HiMERU was already gone, and the door closed with a bang— partly because of the strong wind. He began to walk, rain falling onto his face, obscuring his vision.

Despite Tatsumi's kindness and eagerness to help people, rumor has it that he was plotting a revolution. HiMERU didn't know whether it was true or not. Kaname has refuted all those claims, but many said that they— the ones who had interacted with Tatsumi before, heard the words coming from his mouth themselves.

It didn’t matter anyway. To HiMERU, at least. Whether which one was the truth, Kazehaya Tatsumi would be nailed to a cross and to be burnt to ashes in the near future.

On that night, HiMERU went to the chief priests.

“HiMERU is one of the Apostles of Kazehaya Tatsumi’s.” He said, to the chief priests’ shock. “He is here to discuss the payment when he handed Tatsumi over to you.” 

If he must admit something— it would be that money wasn’t the only thing leading him to this decision.

—

"So," Wataru said, listening with great intrigue, "He betrayed the Son of God to have enough money for your cure. Is that correct?"

"Yes, it is." Kaname nodded.

"It was an honorable cause, indeed, but it confirmed that HiMERU-kun did become a traitor." Wataru nodded to himself. “However, your story didn’t explain one thing. How did he trick the chief priests, the Apostles, and Tatsumi-kun himself into believing that he was you?” 

“That…” Kaname trailed off, slightly lowering his voice out of hesitancy. “I used a fake name before, because of the stigma that surrounded my family name. And our appearances are similar, so it was easy for him to pretend to be me.”

“Wait!” Hiyori yelled out, wearing a dumbfounded expression on his face. “So you were both HiMERU? Is that what I’m hearing?”

“Well, yes.” Kaname nodded slowly, taken aback by the sudden increase in volume of Hiyori’s voice. The latter blinked several times repeatedly at him, before turning to Nagisa, who seemed to be surprised as well— though not as much as Hiyori.

“Jun-kun is going to be so shocked about this.” Hiyori shook his head, sighing. Nagisa only stared quietly at Kaname, which made him uncomfortable. The whole atmosphere of this court has made him twitchy enough already— there was no need for him to be more anxious.

Something else bothered him as well— the mention of someone named 'Jun'. If it really was that Jun, one of Tatsumi's Apostles— then he wouldn't know how to explain the situation to him.

“Oh, so not only did he become a traitor, but he committed identity theft as well!” Wataru said. "Thank you, Kaname-kun. The witness is excused."

"Wait." Kaname was on his way back to the bench, but immediately froze at the voice of Eichi's. "I have a question."

"Tojou-kun, what do you think about your brother's actions?"

Kaname widened his eyes. He stared at Eichi, standing there like a deer in headlights. He felt the way his insides twisted at those words.

He had thought a lot about it, to the point of having to forcefully stop the flood of emotions that kept coming. There seemed to be no end to them, it seemed, piling up until tangled. It was also why he didn’t know where to begin.

Before he could react, he was pulled away, and soon found himself sitting beside Rinne. The latter was frowning at Eichi.

"I'm sorry." Eichi plastered on a smile, sensing the hostility. "Perhaps I've asked something that I shouldn't."

Rinne rolled his eyes. He believed that it was an act, like usual. But he still didn’t understand— what was the reason for Eichi’s resentment to HiMERU?

The gavel banged. “Next witness.”

“Yes, your Honor!” Wataru coughed, and spoke, “Prosecution calls the former Apostle of the Son of God, Sazanami Jun, to the stand!”

Kaname didn’t dare to turn back, but he could hear footsteps— which he assumed was Jun’s— getting louder as he made his way to the stand. And when he was in front of Eichi, Kaname could confirm whether it was the Jun he knew or not.

A bead of sweat trickled down on his nape.

It was him. It was really Sazanami Jun, who had once been his friend. Wait, friend? They were no friends, but just mere acquaintances who were forced to interact by the tides of destiny.

That didn’t explain it, though, the reason why he almost smiled at the sight of him. What he could understand, however, was the sinking feeling in his chest.

Jun glanced at him. The feeling got stronger. Kaname almost sighed in relief when he turned away.

“State your name.”

“Sazanami Jun.” Jun answered.

“Jun-kun!” Hiyori called out, waving at him. Nagisa, copying him, waved to Jun as well. Jun sheepishly raised his own hand, and waved back. He could see Ibara watching him at the corner of his eye. Ibara must’ve noticed his attention on him, because he gave Jun a smirk that he didn’t know how to interpret.

“You’ve heard the entire story of Kaname-kun, right?” Wataru rested his head on his palm, and looked down at Jun. “Hiyori-kun had told me about how you’ve wondered why the HiMERU that you knew— Kaname-kun, had changed so much over time. I believe you now have an answer.”

Jun nodded, and glanced at Kaname once again. It was too fast— Kaname couldn’t see what emotion Jun had displayed on his face when he looked at him. He continued listening intently to what Jun had to say.

“Can you tell us what relationship HiMERU-kun— Kaname-kun’s older brother, had with the Son of God?”

“Well, Tojou was pretty attached to Tatsumi-senpai, which was the opposite to what HiMERU was like.” Jun answered, shaking his head while letting out a sigh. “He was rude, and if not for the fact that Tatsumi-senpai said to not worry about it, I would’ve slapped his face multiple times.”

“But… I’m sure that there was something going on between them.” He continued, to which Wataru raised an eyebrow. “They were pretty close, y’know.”

“Is there a chance that HiMERU-kun tried to get closer to Tatsumi-kun so that it would be easier to commit betrayal?” Wataru asked.

“Maybe.” Jun shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever he was planning, it didn’t end really well, did it? It’s pretty clear that he’s guilty, so I don’t know why there’s a debate over this.” 

“There is a debate over this ‘cause he didn’t deserve damnation!” Rinne stood up, shouting behind Jun. “He showed guilt over what he had done, by hangin’ himself on that damn olive tree!”

“Yes, that story is well-known.” Wataru nodded. “But that is a rather weak excuse to reduce his penalty, no?”

“I agree, Wataru.” Eichi said. He gestured for Rinne to sit down, but he didn’t. He was still standing there, a scowl on his face, and a tired Kaname next to him. “What has been done can’t be undone. HiMERU-kun betrayed Kazehaya-kun for money— that alone proves that he deserved his punishment.”

“But the cause for his betrayal was a noble one, wasn’t it?” Rinne pointed to Kaname, “Didn’t Kaname-chan say that Merumeru tried to get money to hire a doctor? I myself am a witness to this!”

“Why would you betray a God just to earn money? 30 silver pieces is a moderate sum, which is incomparable to a God’s life.” Eichi tilted his head, and there it was again— Rinne clicked his tongue— the innocent-like, phony look on his face. “Why do you defend him to such an extent? Do you truly believe that he is innocent?”

“He ain’t innocent, that’s true—” Rinne admitted, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “—But he doesn’t deserve to be tortured continuously in Hell, and I’ll always stand by that. Isn’t the whole thin’ about the Son of God is that he forgives people, even if they’re sinful? Also,” he raised an eyebrow, “You said that I’m defendin’ Merumeru, but you defend Tatsumi-chan even more than I am!”

A silence. Eichi only stared at him, his mouth ajar. He shut it, though, and gestured for Rinne to sit down once again. This time, Rinne finally did so. Eichi ignored his words. “If there’re more details that can be used to defend HiMERU-kun, then I’d advise you to tell it all.”

“However, in the end, it wasn’t us who decided whether he deserved to be punished or not. His own opinions matter as well— even if he isn’t present.” Eichi said, before finally going quiet.

Rinne nodded, biting his lips into a thin line. The trial was obviously leaning to one side— that HiMERU should be kept and tortured forever in Hell.

“It’s my job to question, Eichi!” Wataru coughed, and he spoke directly to Jun, “Can you specify what kind of relationship they had?”

“They aren’t exactly friends, y’know?” Jun furrowed his brows, pondering for a short moment. “HiMERU seemed to have some grudge against Tatsumi-senpai, but it’s not exactly hatred either.”

“It’s like,” Jun said, a sudden realization appearing in his head, “Something that bordered between love and hate.” 

—

HiMERU didn’t hate Kazehaya Tatsumi.

That was what he thought, but he couldn’t help but be slightly cold to this holy being in front of him.

He didn’t put much effort in trying to act like his brother. Their appearances were already similar to each other’s, only with minor differences that none would probably notice. He only took the name– which was his own suggestion at first. It bothered him to act like his own brother, despite the jobs he had taken required him to act like someone else. Something made him unwilling to do so, but he still couldn’t understand why. He deduced it to be out of respect, but he wasn’t sure. Whatever it was, he placed it aside for now. 

The Apostles didn’t even care that HiMERU was being distant to them, aside from one of them— whose name was Jun, he believed. Tatsumi’s demeanor to him wasn’t out of the ordinary as well, which proved one thing— that none of these people were at least friends with Kaname, with the exception of Jun, who he still needed to investigate more about.

Even in a circle of someone so accepting and kind according to the rumors, Kaname was still left out.

Nothing much happened when HiMERU became an Apostle. He spent most of his days following Tatsumi around, listening to him spreading his teachings, watching him heal the injured, and simply gaze from afar as he gave food to the poor. He participated in none of these, being the treasurer, and Tatsumi had never once requested him to. Maybe he forgot about him.

It seemed like that wasn’t the case, because Tatsumi was in front of him, holding a basket of bread towards him. Behind him, the other disciples were in a rush, unlike HiMERU— they were running back and forth, delivering the baskets containing bread that were similar to the one in Tatsumi’s hands to the people nearby. They were in a slum, which explained a lot.

“Can I trouble you to help me hand this over to the people here, HiMERU-san?”

Who was HiMERU to deny? He was an Apostle now, temporarily. With a bit of annoyance, he answered. “Of course.” 

He grabbed the basket before walking away, to where he wasn’t sure himself. He glanced back to see whether Tatsumi was looking at him or not— it seemed like he was helping the other disciples.

HiMERU looked around, and after confirming that no one was watching him, he took the bread in the basket and shoved it in his pockets. He’d save them for Kaname later.

He was about to walk away, but someone tapped his shoulder lightly. A drop of sweat fell down from his nape. His body tensed in alarm, and there was a short pause before he reacted, trying to mold his expression to a composed one. He prayed repeatedly to himself, hoping that whoever was behind him wasn’t Kazehaya Tatsumi.

He turned back. It was Tatsumi. He inwardly screamed.

“HiMERU-san.” There was a hint of upset visible on Tatsumi’s face. He had seen HiMERU’s actions earlier, didn’t he? The thought made his hold on the basket handle tighter. “What happened to the bread in the basket?”

HiMERU decided to admit. There wasn’t any escape from Tatsumi— his face alone proved that he knew, but was giving HiMERU a chance to remorse over his actions by giving him that question. “HiMERU stole it.”

The blunt answer took Tatsumi aback. “Why did you do that?”

“HiMERU needs food. That’s all.” It was the truth. Him and his brother couldn’t live on porridge alone.

He expected Tatsumi to be either mad at him, or to forgive him instantly. It was the latter.

“You should’ve told me. I can give you some bread, so no need to steal.” Tatsumi pulled him back to where the other disciples were, and handed him a basket. HiMERU, now holding the empty basket in his hands, reluctantly took out the bread in his pockets and placed them back into the basket. He then accepted the bread basket from Tatsumi, though hesitantly.

“Thank you.” HiMERU said. It felt like the right thing to say. “HiMERU is grateful.”

Tatsumi shook his head, before smiling kindly at him. “It’s nothing. I’m always happy to help a friend in need.”

When HiMERU got home, his brother, who was watching the birds outside the window, eyed him with curiosity.

“Onii-chan,” he pointed at the bread basket, a hint of a smile on his lips, “Where did you get that?”

HiMERU kept his silence for a short moment, before answering. He smiled back at Kaname, though it was a forced one. “Let’s just say that there was a mysterious donor who was kind enough to give me these.”

—

“Y’know, betraying someone you love ain’t that easy.” Rinne said. “Merumeru’s suicide is the proof of that.”

“I personally think that to betray someone you love is much worse than betraying anyone else.” Eichi commented, giving Rinne a look of disdain. “When you betray them, you’re ripping their trust in you into pieces like it’s worth nothing. You’ve crushed their heart into powder, and yet you have the audacity to say that it wasn’t easy to do that?”

“That only applies when said person loves you back. I said ‘betraying someone you love’, not the other way around.” Rinne rolled his eyes. “How would you know that Tatsumi-chan loved Merumeru back?”

“Kazehaya-kun loves everyone. Everyone. The more important question is how would you know that HiMERU-kun had felt any love for him?”

“Because I’m his friend!” Rinne said, fuming. “He had once poured his heart out to me. I just wanna help him, even for just a bit.”

Eichi clicked his tongue. His eyebrows were a bit furrowed, and the calm, composed mask he wore was beginning to crack, revealing a part of his inner irritation. It must’ve been a rare occasion for him to lose that much composure, seeing how Yuzuru and Wataru exchanged worried glances.

“This is getting nowhere.” Eichi rubbed his temples, and turned to his left side. “Wataru.”

“Yes, Eichi.” Wataru immediately replied, straightening his posture.

The gavel banged.

“The next witness, please.” Eichi sighed.

Rinne was still staring at him. He was standing still, as if frozen. Kaname tugged the hem of his shirt as a way to tell him to sit back down, but he didn’t budge.

“Eichi-chan.” Rinne didn’t care about titles anymore. “Why are you so defensive of Tatsumi-chan?”

A long silence was his answer. Rinne was going to sit back down, the anger he felt earlier evaporating and turning into tiredness. He wasn’t tired physically. Once again, he questioned himself— why did he even bother if nothing was to be changed?

“It was the same as why you defend HiMERU-kun to such an extent.” Eichi finally answered. “In a way, he was my friend.”

—

When HiMERU left his house, he didn't expect to be holding a bundle of flowers on a field while watching Tatsumi in front of him that day.

A laugh echoed in the sky painted in a gradient between blue and yellow. Tatsumi, with a beam on his face, was chasing the lambs around. His hair fluttered along the summer breeze, and he was holding a bundle of flowers similar to HiMERU's, as well.

HiMERU was growing impatient. He just wanted to rest, but this bastard had insisted he come along. Why him, but not the other disciples? He was sure that they were more capable at the job than him. "Tatsumi. You're here to feed the lambs, not to play with them. Pay attention to what you're doing."

A lamb stopped next to HiMERU, sniffing the flowers in his hands. He smiled at it, and held one of the flowers to it. He wouldn't lie, the lambs were cute. He gave it a light pat as well. The scene felt oddly comforting, like the nostalgia one felt from a good memory.

"I've rarely ever seen HiMERU-san smile before." Tatsumi walked to him. He crouched down to the lamb's eye level, and ran his hand on the fur. He smiled to HiMERU, who clicked his tongue in dismay.

"Are you angry at me?" Tatsumi stood back up, the faintest hint of a frown on his face. It disappeared as soon as it appeared, however. "How about we take a break?"

"No need." HiMERU shook his head. He walked over to the other lambs, with Tatsumi following behind him. The lambs ran away as soon as he saw him. A giggle could be heard behind him, to which HiMERU turned back with a scowl.

"What are you laughing at?" HiMERU asked. A tilt of the head, and Tatsumi's innocent-like smile was the reply to it. "I didn't laugh. You must've misheard."

HiMERU rolled his eyes. He halted his steps when Tatsumi ran to the lambs, and somehow led them back to where HiMERU was. The fool wasn't only good with humans, it seemed— but other living beings as well.

The lambs were soon fed, and they've finished their job. It was time to leave— but Tatsumi had other plans in mind, because he grabbed HiMERU's hand and pointed to the sky. His hand was warm, and though HiMERU would normally deny any skin contact— this time, he didn't.

"Look," Tatsumi said, "Doesn't that look like a cat?"

HiMERU looked at where he was pointing to. He saw nothing but a deformed cloud.

He sneered, "You should check your eyes. That looks nothing like a cat."

His hand was tugged at, as Tatsumi started to walk. HiMERU complied. On their way to nowhere in particular, Tatsumi kept pointing to the clouds. Whenever he did that, HiMERU would comment on how childish he was. And yet, he was never discouraged.

They were now lying on the field, the soft grass tickling their skin. HiMERU closed his eyes, feeling the wind brushing on his cheek. He could hear rustling on his side, and wondered what Tatsumi was doing.

His question was answered, as Tatsumi placed something on his head. HiMERU shot him a suspect glare and placed his hand on whatever he had placed on. The soft petals could be felt on his fingertips. He took it down to exam it— a flower crown, made from what he realized to be the remaining flowers that were meant to be the lambs' food.

"What's this?" He asked, when it was obvious, and he had known the answer.

"A gift." Tatsumi answered. He chuckled, seeing the confusion on HiMERU's face. "I just think you would look nice in it."

HiMERU tilted his chin up, a rather arrogant action, even more so when accompanied with his words. "HiMERU looks good in everything."

But Tatsumi didn't seem to be fazed. He continued to smile, a warm, soft smile. God must be so powerful, proved through even his smile, for HiMERU felt his ears heating up.

They laid there, quiet, the occasional chirping of birds becoming the background noise.

After a while, Tatsumi tugged his hand again. "There's this place I'd like to go."

And that was the reason why HiMERU found himself at the beach.

He didn't like beaches. He had never liked the texture of sand, especially when they stuck on his body. He disliked being wet, too, despite experiencing that— mostly unwillingly— for too much. To him, the beach was to be admired, not to be experienced.

"Why did you take HiMERU here?"

"Why not?" Tatsumi hummed, walking closer to the body of water. "I just thought that the beach is beautiful. That's all."

"...There were really no other reasons?" HiMERU stayed frozen in his spot, watching as Tatsumi walked further away from him.

"Well," Tatsumi halted his steps, beckoning for HiMERU to come closer. He did what he was told. "Do you want to know?"

"Of course." HiMERU nodded. He was a bit confused, seeing Tatsumi's attitude. It didn't seem like a secret, so why did he act like that?

Tatsumi gazed at the waves of the beach, as they move in and out of the shore. He then finally looked at HiMERU, after a moment, and that was when he spoke.

"You reminded me of the ocean." His voice was softer when he spoke, but HiMERU missed no words of his. "Lonely, but beautiful."

A silence. It was broken by HiMERU's suppressed chuckle. "HiMERU will admit, there was one characteristic of the ocean that he related to."

"What is it?"

HiMERU smiled, and looked at the sky. "The ocean is the reflection of the truth."

—

Within the four walls, only the occasional clanking of the utensils echoed. The silence was pierced, however, by Tatsumi’s words.

“Tonight, one of you here will betray me.”

Everything seemed to be paused the moment he finished that sentence. No one refuted that claim. One by one, they asked whether it was them who would betray him or not— except for one person, sitting right beside Tatsumi, staring down at his empty plate.

HiMERU broke out in a cold sweat. Staring at his own reflection on the plate only served as a means to distract him from the mess his mind was in, as Tatsumi declared that each of them were wrong.

He could feel Tatsumi’s stare on him.

“HiMERU-san.”

Tatsumi placed a piece of bread on his plate, dipped in gravy. He then spoke again, as calm as ever, “What you’re going to do, do quickly.”

HiMERU looked at him, then back at the bread. He faced the intense glare of the other Apostles, and slowly grabbed it. He bit a small piece, ignoring the suffocating atmosphere.

But he couldn’t do that for long. He stood up, leaving the half-eaten bread on the plate, and headed out. There was nothing else he could do if Tatsumi knew that he was going to betray him— this was the road he had decided to walk on, and there was no turning back.

Gethsemane. As a temporary disciple, HiMERU had memorized the places Tatsumi would often visit. The garden he was in was basked in moonlight, the leaves gently swaying to the faint wind. A beautiful sight. It was a shame that he would commit betrayal right in this very place. Priests and officials had been set up around this area— there was no escape for Tatsumi.

A few drops of water fell from the sky. It soon started raining, and HiMERU shielded himself under an umbrella that he had brought with him. Now, he just had to wait.

He had expected for the other disciples to arrive with Tatsumi— but no. Tatsumi, alone, walked leisurely along the pavement, before stopping right in the center of the garden. He had no umbrella with him, and was soon soaking wet.

The sight was familiar to HiMERU. Was this what Tatsumi had seen, the first time they met face to face? He walked to Tatsumi, holding out the umbrella to him.

“The first time we met, you held out an umbrella to HiMERU like this, too.” Tatsumi turned back to look at him. He was still as calm as ever, with no hint of anxiety nor surprise visible on the delicate features of his face. That did prove one thing, however— that Tatsumi had known that he wasn’t Kaname.

“It really was you.” Tatsumi smiled, without any deceit. “I’ve always assumed that you were that beautiful person.”

HiMERU sniggered. Even at the last moments of his life, Tatsumi could still hand out genuine compliments. It was sickening. “You do know everything, don’t you?” He tilted his head to one side, giving him a look of slight confusion. “So why didn’t you escape? Why didn’t you run away?”

Tatsumi sighed. “It’s because of you that I’m here, alone.”

His confusion increased. HiMERU would’ve expected something along the lines of ‘dying for God’s sake’, or some other noble reason. But no. “What do you mean?”

“What I meant was that, I brought myself here to devote myself for you.” Tatsumi answered. He stepped closer to HiMERU, who should’ve leaned away— but didn’t. “If my death could solve someone’s problems, then I would gladly let it happen.”

“Always a saint bastard, aren’t you?” HiMERU leaned in closer, until their faces were inches apart. He could see clearly the long eyelashes of Tatsumi’s, the way those eyes gazed at him so serenely, and the faintest hitch of his breathing— and for some reason, he felt his cheeks heat up. “‘I’ hate it. ‘I’ hate how you act like that, how you are so eager to sacrifice yourself for someone so unworthy.”

“But you aren’t unworthy.”

When he finished that sentence, their lips met. HiMERU’s eyes shot wide open, and the kiss that was supposed to be a simple greeting, meant to mark Tatsumi’s whereabouts, turned into something more intimate. It was a slow, tender kiss— but it was clumsy as well. The taste of HiMERU was etched on the tip of Tatsumi’s tongue, as it moved aimlessly around the crevice of his mouth— to which he would imprint on his brain forever. He held HiMERU’s waist tightly in his arms, not letting go. The hand that was holding the umbrella twitched as a result, and HiMERU almost dropped it on the ground. He closed his eyes.

And their lips parted. Two priests rushed towards Tatsumi and got hold of his arms, restraining him. He made no effort to break free. HiMERU, frozen in his spot, could only stare as Tatsumi was taken away.

Their eyes made contact. Even at a distance, HiMERU could make out the visible adoration that overflowed from his eyes, dripping down to tears. He was smiling, a beautiful smile that adorned his lips as he marched towards his death. HiMERU couldn’t stop staring.

A priest approached him, handing over a sack of silver pieces. “Your payment. 30 silver pieces, as we’ve planned.”

HiMERU nodded, and grabbed it without saying a word. The priest left, but he couldn’t care less.

He stood there for what seemed like eternity. The night felt darker than ever.

—

The door creaked open. HiMERU walked in, the area entirely dark. It was the dead of night, after all. He could make out the peacefully sleeping form of Kaname, and the corners of his lips raised slightly at the sight.

The smile dropped as soon as it appeared, because there was something on his hand— the same hand that was holding the sack of silver.

Blood.

He blinked. It was gone. Was it a trick of the light? He decided to stop thinking about it, blaming it on his vision. He placed the sack of silver on the table, changed his clothes, and went to bed.

That night, he dreamed. There was warmth. Warmth around his body, the weight of someone pressing against him. He blinked his eyes open.

Kazehaya Tatsumi, the person who he had betrayed, was embracing him. The bed they were on— it was soft like the clouds. He subconsciously shifted closer to Tatsumi. He couldn’t help it. Perhaps the comfort that came along had dulled his mind. Tatsumi sat up, and looked down on him.

With an endearing smile, he placed his hands around HiMERU’s throat.

Those purple eyes looked down on him with pure, unadulterated adoration. When he spoke, his voice was as sweet as honey, as calming as the ocean waves. There was no malicious intent, none at all.

“HiMERU-san. I love you.”

And tears began to trickle down on HiMERU’s cheeks.

He woke up, sitting up straight. His breaths were in heavy panting, and his heart was racing. He glanced outside— the sky was still dark. It wasn’t like he could lay back again and sleep, so he got up from his bed and walked to the kitchen. On his way, he glanced at the silver sack, making sure that there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. 

He poured himself a cup of water, and tried to forget everything that he had just dreamed of earlier.

The next morning, he hired a doctor. Kaname was getting better— which was the only thing he felt happy for, because for reasons he couldn’t decipher, his insides twisted when he gave the doctor the money. It wasn’t because of greed.

When the doctor left, he looked at his hands again. Blood. He blinked. It was gone.

He decided to exit the house to ease his mind.

It didn’t help, because people were whispering about the crucifixion of Tatsumi that would happen soon. It also didn’t help either, the fact that all eyes were on him as he walked by.

The traitor, as they said.

He simply pretended to be deaf.

A crowd entered his view. A cross in the center of attention. He looked upon it. Tatsumi, nailed on the cross, looking down at the people with nothing other than kindness. How benevolent he was. It bothered him, really, to know that people would never look at Tatsumi as the person he truly was— a so-called saint, fooling people into believing something he wasn’t.

But it was none of his problem. He turned away.

He felt his blood run cold, the moment someone burned their gaze on him, and he instantly turned his head back— the sight of Tatsumi, burned by the raging fires, imprinted on his eyes. His flesh, burning slowly into a dark shade of color. And yet, despite all the pain he must’ve felt— Tatsumi made no sound.

Seeing that, HiMERU ran away.

To where? He didn’t know. He let his legs decide, and he was back in his house again.

“Onii-chan?” Kaname asked, to which he flinched. The former gave him a look of concern— perhaps his panic had been visible on his face. HiMERU tried to smile— but it failed, for he could see the frown on Kaname’s face deepened. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head. He knew that Kaname didn’t believe it, but what could he do? “It’s nothing important. I’m just a bit shocked.”

“Shocked? Onii-chan, what happened to—” Before he could hear the last part of Kaname’s words, he closed the door to the bathroom shut. His hands reached to the basin, and gripped it.

The mirror was cracked, distorting his reflection. Panic-stricken eyes stared back at him. He blinked. His reflection smirked at him.

"You killed him because you were jealous," The reflection tilted its head, "Right?"

HiMERU backed up from the mirror. His entire body trembled, and he shook his head, weakly. Even if he knew that his own reflection was speaking the truth.

"You were jealous. You were jealous because Kaname was once dependent on him," it sneered, "And not you."

It grabbed the frame of the mirror, and crawled out from the glass. It flung itself at HiMERU—

—And he shut the door close, leaning against it, breathing heavily. Kaname was still there, still giving him that worried gaze.

He made his way back to the door, exiting the house again.

"Where are you going?" Kaname grabbed his wrist, trying to hold him back from leaving. "Why are you panicking? Is there anything bothering you?"

HiMERU, with all his might, slowly turned back to Kaname. He couldn't, he really couldn't, because the sight of his brother's concerned face only increased his growing guilt.

He also had just realized— Kaname didn't know about Tatsumi's execution, did he?

"I need some fresh air." He broke free from Kaname's grip, and rushed outside.

Luck wasn't on his side. It was raining. But he ran. He ran under the downpour, and he couldn't be bothered if he was drenched in water, and he didn't care when he tripped and fell on the ground. This whole situation— it was too similar to their first meeting.

Except for one thing. No one was there to shield HiMERU from the rain.

He stood up. He looked at where the crowd had once been, and walked towards it. His steps were filled with fatigue, but he managed to get there.

Tatsumi's body was moved away. But, on the platform where the cross still stood— under it, ashes— the remains of Tatsumi.

He took a deep breath, and sighed.

"'I' have messed up, didn't 'I'?"

No answer. He continued. "You knew. You knew that 'I' would've done this. So why?" He gazed up at the cross, voice cracking, "Why didn't you stop 'me'?"

A laugh escaped his lips right afterwards. "Right. It's because you're a saint. You're supposed to sacrifice yourself for the sake of others. But why 'me'?"

The image of Tatsumi burning from earlier reappeared in his mind. It pierced open his chest and pulled his heart out ruthlessly— it stabbed his heart with a needle, overfilling it with guilt. It ran in his veins, dripped from his eyes, his tears melting in with the rain.

A red rope, laying right next to the platform, caught his attention.

He stepped down and took it, before heading out to the nearest tree— an olive tree.

This was the price he paid for betraying the Son of God.

—

The sunlight peeked into the hospital room painted in white. It hit Eichi’s eyes, and he slowly, and tiredly, woke up. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. The days he spent in this suffocating hospital room felt like it was repeated over and over again, as if he was trapped in a time loop. 

He spent most of the time lying like dead on the bed, occasionally gazing outside the window. Not for long, though, because the sight of people on the road stirred something inside him. It wasn’t anything pretty— it was akin to jealousy. Why was he trapped on a bed, but others were blessed enough to be freed? Was he a bird, unlucky enough to be caught and confined in a cage, while others managed to escape in time?

Nothing could’ve prepared him for the voice of the person on the bed aside his.

“Good morning.”

It was just a simple greeting, but Eichi flinched at the sound of it. The bed next to his, separated by a curtain, now had a person on it. A young man, seemingly his age based on appearance alone, was cutting an apple into smaller pieces. He handed one over to Eichi, who accepted hesitantly.

No one notified him that he would have a new roommate. The state of him was rather concerning, too— bandages wrapping around his head, his arms, and, perhaps, his legs as well— though Eichi couldn’t see that.

But his features weren’t as imitating as that. They were soft. His eyes a purple shade, looking at Eichi with no hostility nor suspicion, but with a glint of something similar to curiosity. The corners of his lips were slightly curved upwards. The tips of his mint hair that fell gently down his shoulders looked like they were burnt— a fire survivor, it seemed.

“My name is Kazehaya Tatsumi.” Tatsumi said, “What’s yours?”

At that moment, Eichi didn’t know that the one sharing a hospital room with him was the Son of God himself.

He answered, unsuspecting of Tatsumi’s identity.

“Tenshouin Eichi. Nice to meet you, Kazehaya-kun.” He smiled out of politeness. “I hope we can get along.”

—

The snow was piling on top of Kaname’s head, but he kept digging without stopping.

A hole. Large enough for a body. That was what he was spending his efforts on. He stopped digging, glancing at the corpse that laid next to it with bloodshot eyes. He regretted it soon, because he could barely face the lifeless figure of the one he had once cherished so much.

That wasn't to say he hated him now. But Kaname's feelings towards him had been somewhat of a mess recently.

His hands were shaking. Was it because of rage, or because of his anguish?

He reckoned it might be both.

He grabbed the shovel again, and dug, pursing his lips into a thin line. The knuckles of his gripped the shovel handle so tightly, to the point they became white. 

Like his hands, his voice shook as he spoke.

"Idiot."

He stabbed the dirt with the shovel.

"Idiot. You're an idiot."

There were tears in his eyes. They fall, one drop to two, until they surge like waterfall down from his face. The cold of winter made some of them freeze on his face, but he couldn't care less for now.

"Onii-chan," he said, calling out to someone who wasn't there. He turned to the corpse, but couldn't look at it fully. His gaze made its way to the red rope that hung from its neck instead. That didn't help.

"You—" he stuttered, "Why did you do that?"

The corpse didn't answer. It couldn't. Kaname continued speaking— croaking, more like. In this deserted town, his voice was the only thing echoing in the night sky.

"You betrayed him!" He increased the volume of his voice. "And after all of that, you left me! You're a fool! An idiot!"

He couldn't speak any more. He wept.

A long, long silence. It stretched on to no end, until Kaname regained a bit of his calm. "...Why must you go so far just to cure me?" He stumbled over his words, choking up his tears, "Am I that much of a valuable thing for you to betray the Son of God for me?"

"Onii-chan. I admired him. I admired Tatsumi-senpai." He swallowed back the urge to gag and ran away at the sight of his brother's corpse, and sat next to it. "But I admired you, too."

"Was I too mean?" He questioned, desiring an answer, when he knew that none would come. "Was I too harsh? Did those words I said hurt you?"

He held the cold hand that was once his brother's, warming it with his own. "Onii-chan. If I say I miss you, will you come back?"

A delusion. Kaname wanted to drown in it. "Please. I miss you. Please come back. I beg you—" he was practically shouting now, the tears kept cascading, "Please come back, even just for a moment!"

There was no reply. He couldn't bring himself to bathe in any kind of delusion at all. Not when reality had slapped him so hard in the face, so hard that he would never forget it.

"...Idiot."

He didn't know what to feel, what to think. His body acted on its own accord, and he found himself digging the hole again.

He placed HiMERU's lifeless body in it, trying so hard not to look at it— even just for one second. He buried his brother in the dirt, alone, no friends, no family members. It was only him.

The sun began to rise when Kaname finished making the grave. He was exhausted, undeniably so.

He somehow had the strength to carve HiMERU's name on a nearby rock, and somehow carried it to the grave. He placed it there.

And for when Kaname wasn't sure, he slept while leaning on it, dreaming of a warm embrace.

—

Tatsumi crouched down at the grave. He placed a rose on it, and hugged the tombstone. A tear rolled down from his eye.

—

Kaname hurriedly walked out from the courtroom, pulling the hood back on his head. He passed through the long halls, making his way out of the building as fast as possible. He was escaping, escaping from a specific individual— his dark-blue hair and light-golden eyes came to Kaname's mind.

The trial ended. HiMERU was found guilty. It was over.

What was he running for? Out of fear of having to face his former friend, perhaps. Having to explain something that he himself couldn't fully understand— that, was also what he feared.

A hand gripped his shoulders, stopping Kaname from walking too far away from the building. Internally, he hoped that whoever was behind him wasn't who he had just dreaded to meet.

He turned back, and almost let out a sigh of relief, before recognizing who the person was.

"Yo, Kaname-chan.” Rinne swung his arm around Kaname’s shoulders, who tensed up as a reaction. “In a hurry, aren’t ya?”

“Yes, I am.” Kaname tried to break free from the grasp, but it was futile. He glared at Rinne, “Release me right this instant, Amagi.”

The response to that threat was a laugh. “Not yet. I wanna talk to you, y’know? We didn’t have many chances to talk earlier, so why not do that now?”

“I don’t want to talk to you.” Kaname could predict what their conversation was going to be about if this continued. “It’s over. You can’t help him.”

“That judge was pretty biased. He didn’t even give me a chance to defend myself!” It seemed that Rinne had decided to ignore him, for he just kept talking. It was annoying. Kaname was running out of patience. There was nothing he could do, so why did he keep trying? What was there left to save?

“But he was right. My brother was in the wrong.” Kaname shook his head. “Even if you continued to submit his case, he would always be found guilty every time.”

“Yeah, sure, he wasn’t innocent,” Rinne said. There was a slight shift of his tone, to which Kaname almost couldn’t notice. “But you’re just going to let him be like that?”

Kaname pursed his lips. Rinne dropped his smile, and loosened his hold on Kaname. He spoke in a voice much quieter, much gentler. “Maybe I can’t save him. But there’s no harm in tryin’, y’know? Besides,” He looked into Kaname’s eyes, and patted his shoulder. “I realized that I can help him with somethin’ now.”

As fast as he dropped it, Rinne returned back to his earlier playful-like self. He smirked, “Wanna work at my place?”

Kaname blinked several times at him, dazed. Before he could answer, though, someone ran towards their reaction. He widened his eyes at that person. Jun, panting, stopped his steps the moment he got to them both. He stared straight at Kaname, who tried to avert his eyes away.

“You,” Jun pointed at him, “I wanna talk to you.”

“What do you want, Sazanami?” Kaname said, head still facing another direction that wasn’t Jun’s.

A pause. Jun breathed in and out heavily, before speaking again. “You kept me in the dark.”

Kaname didn’t reply. He continued to listen to what Jun had to say, instead. There was an edge of something to his tone, something like… hurt? “I thought I was forgotten. I thought you were my friend.”

He understood. He understood it all. He knew what Jun must’ve felt when he heard the news of HiMERU’s death, believing that it was his friend. He lost two of the people he was close to, and now, seeing that one of them was still alive and well— what reaction would there be, other than anger? And that, was precisely why Kaname couldn’t face him.

He said none of this, however. “...Do you hate me, now?”

“Yeah.” Hearing it was much worse than imagining it. “Yeah, I hate you.”

Jun’s voice softened, to his surprise. “But I hate your brother more.”

The way those words were delivered— it was much lighter than before. It was as if the anger in Jun began to stop igniting. Slowly, and hesitantly, Kaname faced him. He was smiling.

“I can’t be fully angry at you.” Jun sighed. “It’s weird. But I suppose you were never fully at fault, weren’t you?”

Kaname lowered his head. His shoulders shook, and he let out a small laugh. He hid his face in his palms—

“Thank you,” and started crying.

He must’ve alarmed Jun, for he could feel his hands on his shoulder. “Hey, don’t cry.” His voice was full of concern, which made Kaname cry even harder. Not out of sadness, no— but out of relief.

“Were you hurt? I didn’t mean to hurt you with my words, y’know.” Jun weakly, and awkwardly, wrapped his arms around Kaname. He placed his hand on Kaname’s head, though he wasn’t sure whether that was the right thing to do or not. “No need to cry.”

Kaname stared at him through tearful eyes, and managed to crack a smile. “No, idiot. I’m very happy right now.”

Jun only stared at him, eyes filled with confusion. He turned to Rinne, who was watching them with a small smile atypical of him.

The sky had never looked more bright than it was now, to Kaname.

—

It was a sunny, bright day— the opposite to the mood in the court earlier. Eichi leisurely walked along the pavement in the park, surrounding himself in the array of trees. He watched as the children played with each other, the elders enjoying their time of peace, how the leaves and grass rustled as the summer breeze passed by, and the white, fluffy winds that decorated the blue canvas of the sky.

He sat down on a wooden bench, beside him an important person. The sounds of bird chirping entered his ears, and he listened to it for a moment, before turning his head to the right.

“Kazehaya-kun.” He smiled, much more genuine than the ones he usually displayed. “Long time no see.”

Tatsumi, now with his hair cut shorter, smiled back at Eichi. A basket of flowers laid on his lap. Eichi recognized most of them— the baby’s breath, the red and pink carnations, the pink camelia, and the odd one out of them all— the purple hyacinth. He didn’t comment on the flower choices, though, but he was sure that they were intentional.

“Eichi-san. It has been a long time.” Tatsumi said. “A few years, I believe?”

“Two years, actually.” Eichi replied. 

Tatsumi nodded. He studied Eichi for a while, before speaking again. “You seem to be better than the last time I met you. I’m glad.”

“I’ve recovered, though not fully. Of course, I’m better now than before.”

Eichi took a look at Tatsumi’s appearance, seeing his change over the years— which wasn’t much, really, except for the haircut, and that the bandages were gone, his wounds healed. His features were still as benign as ever, and the robe that he draped on his body was spotless, in contrast to the bloody one he wore on the first time they met.

“I’ve just realized that I haven’t thanked you properly.” Eichi’s voice softened. This was the least he could do for the person who had once been his company on those lonely hospital days, when Wataru wasn’t there. “Thank you for being with me on my bedridden days.”

“There’s no need for that. It was a mere coincidence how we met. You should thank God for this, instead.”

Eichi expected that answer. If there was one thing he knew about Tatsumi, it was how humble he was.

“How was the trial?” He didn’t anticipate Tatsumi to ask so, but he presumed that news about the trial must’ve been leaked outside— otherwise, there was no reason for him to have known about it. It was understandable for Tatsumi to question that, after all— the trial has his traitor as the center.

“HiMERU-kun was found guilty.” A simple answer. Tatsumi only nodded, and showed no surprise. It was clear that he expected that. Even the Son of God himself understood that HiMERU was unsalvageable, so why couldn’t Rinne get it through his thick skull?

He looked back at the flowers again. “Who are you giving them to?”

Tatsumi chuckled, looking at the flowers with adoration that Eichi had never seen before in his eyes. He knew the answer to his own question, and wasn’t surprised that the answer Tatsumi gave was as he thought. “I’m going to visit someone later. I miss him, and I hope the feeling is mutual.”

A sigh escaped Eichi’s lips. Until now, he still didn't understand— the reason why Tatsumi never showed even a single shred of resentment to HiMERU. “Why did you forgive him?”

The children’s laughter from the distance became the background noise, filling in the silence between them. Eichi continued, seeing how Tatsumi wasn’t going to reply soon. He was busy looking into the distance, perhaps deep in thought. Maybe he didn't know the reason, either. “If someone caused me to be crucified and tortured, then I would keep the hatred I felt in my heart for eternity. But why didn’t you?”

"Have you ever heard how love could make us blind?" Tatsumi took out the red carnation, and gently caressed the petals. His voice was light, and it felt like his words were about to be carried away by the wind. "HiMERU-san is no innocent person. I know that, and he deserved punishment. But—" He placed the rose back into the basket, and looked into Eichi's eyes. The latter opened his mouth as if to say something, but was interrupted.

"—I suppose I'm unworthy to be God, because I found myself loving him despite it all."

Eichi shut his mouth, and kept his silence. A weak smile bloomed on his lips, as he began to chuckle to himself. He stood up.

"Are you leaving already?" Tatsumi asked, seemingly a bit surprised at his sudden leave.

"I suppose you can't really hate anyone, can you?" He faced Tatsumi, letting out a soft laugh. A sigh soon escaped his lips afterwards, and he shook his head. "I think that's something only God has— agape love."

"But the love I felt for him isn't agape love at all, isn't it?"

Eichi shook his head. "It isn't." He had never thought that someone so holy would be restrained by the chains of Eros— but, Tatsumi was never fully God. "To me, you're much more akin to a human than you are to a God."

Tatsumi gave him a sheepish smile, as if his mischief deeds had been discovered. That was enough of an answer to Eichi.

“I have to go now. There’s work waiting for me.”

And he walked away, leaving Tatsumi smiling to himself like a fool.

—

The door opened. His steps, as light as a feather's touch, approached HiMERU. He crouched down next to him.

Tatsumi, still with that serene smile, still with those affection-filled eyes, and the calming aura that never seemed to leave him— now faced his traitor. He studied HiMERU's ragged appearance, the hints of his sorrow becoming visible over time.

It was painful, seeing his state. He wanted to cure them all, the scars and bruises that littered HiMERU’s body, but he was late. Too late.

"HiMERU-san." Tatsumi placed the basket of flowers beside him, gently placed his hands on HiMERU's hollowed cheeks, slowly raising his head up. "You look horrible.”

HiMERU, waking from his catatonic state, opened his eyes wide for a split second. They were almost lifeless, and seeing them made Tatsumi flinch. HiMERU immediately schooled his expression into a scowl, recognizing the person who was in front of him. "...Tatsumi. What are you doing here?"

Tatsumi didn't reply instantly. Instead, he took his time to run his fingers over every nook and cranny of his face, taking in every detail of the one he hadn't met for so long. He caressed HiMERU's hair, tenderly and carefully, and finally spoke. "I miss you."

HiMERU didn't reply. Tatsumi repeated his words again. "I miss you. A lot."

The reply to those words was a glare, accompanied by an aloof tone. "Go away."

Tatsumi understood it all— the demeanor, the unwelcoming atmosphere, and the words meant to pierce his heart like a knife. An effort to defend oneself, a tough mask displayed to fool him.  

But he didn't budge. "Do you really want that?"

HiMERU let out a humorless laugh. "Right. HiMERU forgot. You know everything about him." His bloodshot eyes, piercing into those calm ones. He raised his voice, but it cracked as a result. "Since you know everything he's feeling, every thought of his, even his identity— so why don't you use 'my' name already? 'I' dare you!"

"I've never earned the right to it." Tatsumi said. He wiped away the tears that cascaded from HiMERU's eyes. He didn't even notice he was crying. "I'm sorry."

"...Kazehaya Tatsumi. You're a bastard."

"I'm sorry." Tatsumi repeated, and held him in his arms. The position made HiMERU's head rested on his shoulder, and Tatsumi's arms weakly wrapping around his body. HiMERU didn't pull away.

He continued between his sobs, which he tried so desperately to hide. "A saint bastard at that."

"I'm sorry."

"'I' hate you."

"I'm sorry."

HiMERU raised his head to stare at Tatsumi, clearly not pleased with his answers. "Stop saying you're sorry. Shouldn't it be HiMERU who had to apologize to you?"

Tatsumi didn't reply. Instead, he placed a kiss, as fleeting as the breeze, on HiMERU's forehead. He could feel the other tensing up at the touch.

"How can you forgive someone who has betrayed you?" HiMERU croaked. "HiMERU was the reason why you were nailed to that cross!"

"Because I love you." Tatsumi chuckled, to HiMERU's shock. "It's because I'm in love, that I couldn't care less about what you've done to me. Isn't it pathetic, HiMERU-san? I became a blind person for you."

HiMERU held his breath as he listened to the words, staring without blinking at the person holding him. "If you're a sin, then I've fallen for the temptation. How ironic, isn't it?"

For a moment or two, only the sounds of their breathing echoed in the cell. Tatsumi's gaze wandered to his leg that was chained by the manacle, and caressed the spot. "Does it hurt?"

"...Go away." HiMERU said through gritted teeth, ignoring the pain. He also ignored the guilt that swelled up in his heart, that reminded him of how he didn't deserve any of Tatsumi's kindness. “You aren’t supposed to be here. Go back to Heaven.”

“But what about you? Will you go with me?” Tatsumi said, with only pure fondness apparent in his eyes. It was too much for HiMERU.

“HiMERU can’t.” That much was obvious. But Tatsumi wasn’t known for being compliant. He was stubborn, but at the same time, patient— he would crack down the walls, one by one, so natural to the point HiMERU didn’t know that his true self, the ugly parts, all of them— were all now exposed to Tatsumi’s eyes. And he would accept it all, like the saint he was.

Sometimes, HiMERU wished Tatsumi wasn’t so holy. If it wasn’t for that, then he would’ve plunged Tatsumi into the mud with him.

“Please.”

A drop of tear fell down HiMERU’s cheek, and he realized, dazed, that Tatsumi was crying. It wasn’t anything surprising, really— he had once seen the tears of his. He let HiMERU see his vulnerable state, but the other party didn’t.

And that only made his guilt worsen.

“Do you really love HiMERU that much?” He said, but it came out unintentionally as a whisper. 

“I love you. Not HiMERU. I love you, I love everything that you are.” Tatsumi’s voice cracked. It was like begging now. “Please, stop avoiding me.”

His hand reached HiMERU’s, and he gripped it tightly. And at that moment did HiMERU realize— that the so-called ‘Son of God’ would do anything for him. He would gladly become a sinner, if it meant being with HiMERU.

He had become too weak to Tatsumi, for reasons he couldn't decipher. Perhaps he had been too affected by his emotions, the same ones that he had been trying to protect himself from by chaining himself in this cell. No, it would be more appropriate to say that he was running away from them. 

“Then stay.” HiMERU said. His voice kept its neutral tone, but his heart was racing. “HiMERU can’t leave. So stay. Please. Don’t leave ‘me’.”

Tatsumi laughed in the midst of his tears, and he had never seen such a beautiful sight before.

"Alright." A hand was placed on HiMERU’s heart. “I will never leave you.”

HiMERU rested his own hand on it, the warmth of Tatsumi's hand too unfamiliar for him— the result of being isolated from any kind of warmth for a long time. But it wasn't unpleasant, not at all.

"Stop crying, now." A thumb reached towards Tatsumi's eye, and he wiped the tears away. Before he could take his hand away, Tatsumi got hold of it— and he kissed his palm.

"You know," Tatsumi ran his fingers through HiMERU's hair, "I saw your brother."

HiMERU frowned, but he didn't say anything. He didn’t expect the sudden mention of his brother, at all. Tatsumi continued, "He seemed sad about your death. I could see his sorrow— it was clear as day. He was crying on your grave."

"Tell him to not do that." HiMERU said. "Tell him," he hesitated, biting his lip, feeling the cold tear rolling on his cheek, "That I'm not worthy of his respect."

Tatsumi shook his head. “I don’t think my words will change his mind.”

HiMERU could feel his tears swelling up again. He tried to hold them back, and managed to not make his voice crack. “Is he doing well?”

“He wasn’t before.” Tatsumi caught the faintest change of HiMERU’s expression, and added, “But he will. Thanks to your friend.”

HiMERU widened his eyes, doubting what Tatsumi had just said. “Amagi?”

Tatsumi smiled, and nodded. It was meant to reassure him, and it succeeded in doing so. “Rinne-san took him in.”

HiMERU, unexpectedly for himself, let out a weak laugh. He didn’t mean to, but it was a laugh of relief, the relief that Kaname was at least safe and in great hands.

He failed as a brother. This he knew clearly. But this joy he felt— the joy for his younger sibling— he would store and cherish it in his heart, for eternity.

HiMERU felt himself reverting back to his catatonic state, and he tried desperately to keep his eyes open. But there was no need for it— Tatsumi’s hand gently closed his eyelids, and the grip around his body was much firmer.

“I’ll be here, until you wake up.” He cradled HiMERU in his arms, and his voice was as soft as the floating clouds in the sky, lulling him to sleep. He blanketed himself in Tatsumi's warmth, something that he didn't know he had desired so strongly until he finally made contact with it.

Mustering up all his final strength, HiMERU whispered, “‘I’ am sorry.”

And he shut his eyes peacefully.

“Good night, HiMERU-san.”