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''I promised myself I wouldn't write you anymore, I promised you that night, on our last night, that I wouldn't write you anymore, but here I am, sitting alone at the kitchen table that used to be ours. I remember each morning that I woke up still sleepy after a night on duty at the hospital and you were sitting here, after spending a sleepless night writing your songs, you would kiss me and I would hug you, I would take the milk the fridge and you the cereal, we ate together while I read your papers, the same paper I use now to write you one last letter, using the same pen you used so many times to write me love lines, but this is still a letter of love Gun, there's still love in goodbyes, and I understand that now.
I realized I needed to write to you one last time, to tell you what I couldn't say on our last night, it still hurts me to remember our conversation, it hurts to remember that neither of us screamed, it hurts to remember that we both knew the answer when we sat down in our sofa, in the living room we spent months planning, it was days going to stores to choose which wall paint color would go best with our plush sofa, the same sofa we both used to finish what I thought would be forever. That night the two of us faced each other, in the dark of a Saturday night, the windows were closed and there was no alcohol in the fridge, we were both sober when we said we wanted this to be over, you didn't cry, I don't cry, we just agreed, you said you were going on a trip with your band the next morning and I said I would get my stuff and leave before you got back on wednesday morning.
Gun, today is Wednesday, exactly at dawn, I still haven't been able to leave your apartment and I want to confess that that night after I closed the bedroom door I cried, I cried looking at our sheets, I cried looking at our paintings, I cried looking at the walls that were our greatest confidants, I cried thinking about the vows and promises we made under the duvet, the mornings feeling you by my side, your mouth on mine, your face in my dreams, your feet in my future, I cried thinking that I would have to leave you in the past. That night I confess that I slept hugging one of your blouses and even now I confess that I'm wearing that yellow blouse that you like so much, forgive me, I think I need it more than you do, it's still hard to let you go even if I want to.
Forgive me if I don't hear your next album, I know I told you I'd hear you sing forever, but I'm not ready to hear you sing about what we were, I'm not ready to see you take the stage without our ring , I'm not ready to see you without having to wait anxiously for you to come back, maybe I still imagine that you'll walk through the door of my new apartment and tell me that you missed me, I'm sorry to tell you all this, I know I'm not making things easier for both of us, but I still don't know how to lie to you. Gun, all these years by your side were the best I could have, thank you for giving a chance to that stupid boy who sighed just hearing your name, you made that boy sigh many times in all these years.
One day, I promise I'll give you back your shirt, when I don't need to feel you anymore to sleep, one day I'll throw away the letters you wrote me and tear up the passionate notes you left in the pocket of my lab coat, one day I'm going to throw away the photos that are in the frames that I'm taking away, maybe your photo will make way for a new guy, I hope that my photos are replaced by some nice guy who will help you with what you need, I hope that he will make sure you never have to leave him and I hope you are as happy as we were all these years. I hope one day you get to be the wonderful dad you always wanted to be and I always knew you would be, but please I don't want to hear your son call me Uncle Tinn, because I always wanted to hear him call me father too.
I'm sorry for not being able to make you stay, I don't know if we can find a culprit in our goodbye, maybe none of us is to blame, maybe it's fate to take you away. Thank you for loving me all these years, I will forever cherish the memories we made together because I know these I won't be able to throw away, I love you Gun, we made history, our history, but I'm leaving you for you to build a new story without me...
Tinn."