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Chapter Text

Her parents named her Airi, choosing the two Kanjis that meant favorite - because they had been waiting for her - and Pear Tree - because her father had planted one the day they had gotten married.

Her father, a member of the Nara clan, had inherited the laziness and the looks, but not much of their genius. Her mother, unwilling to fight, had focused on healing to help the village and what she lacked in talent she made up for in vigor.

All they wanted was a simple life, an average life.

They died early.

Growing up alongside her cousin Shikaku, Airi realized three things early on.

First, she would always be two steps behind, whether it was in age, constitution, or talent.

Second, love was not often given freely in the world of Shinobi but it was cherished.

And third, she needed to be able to pick her battles and pick them well.

-

The door to Shikaku’s house isn’t fully closed.

You push it open and call out for the family of three.

“We’re in the living room,” Yoshino calls out and Airi follows the noise.

It is no surprise to see Shikaku sprawled out on the Couch, most likely on his third nap of the day. It is no less surprise to see Shikamaru napping on his chest, an ever-growing bundle of sass and genius.

“Tuckered out?” You ask and Yoshino nods, not bothering to rise from where she is going over her needlework.

“Shikaku has been teaching him Shogi. I’ve never seen him so focused before.”

Whether it is the mention of Shogi or just the usual time for his nap to end, Shikaku groans, shakes his head, and peers at them.

“Airi,” He says and you know immediately that he has been informed. You nod, ignoring Yoshino’s curious looks.

“I thought it would be better to discuss this here,” You say, an apologetic smile on your lips. “Would you care for a walk in the woods?”

Shikaku nods grimly and pulls his son from his chest. Shikamaru whines but settles instantly on the soft cushions, already fast asleep by the time you make it to the door leading into the backyard.

“We won’t be long,” Shikaku tells Yoshino, a tone in his voice that keeps her from questioning.

-

The sun hadn’t yet gone down fully but dusk was settling quickly and below the trees, it was almost dark, soothing to your left eye.

“Yori said that you agreed to everything. That’s not the Airi that I know.”

“Which Airi are you referring to?”

He huffs. “The Airi that fought tooth and nails to marry the man she loved? True love conquers all, wasn’t that your life’s motto?”

“Do I have to remind you that he died?” Your voice is low and calm but Shikaku tenses as if you’d slapped him.

“Just…” He starts again. “Why are you agreeing to an arranged marriage?”

“So far I haven’t agreed to anything. I’ve been minding my business, doing my work until Yori decided to pop in on one of her surprise visits. You know how she is, she’s got her ears and eyes everywhere and…” You stop, swallow, and force the words out of your mouth. “She mentioned that Aburame-san has been a widower for two years now and that his son needs a mother. The Aburame’s have always been open to arranged marriages and she’s not wrong. My chances for remarrying have significantly dulled since the injury to my eye.”

“I understand that, but Shibi? Are you sure?”

“I haven’t met him yet. I knew Yori would tell you immediately and I was hoping I could talk to you first but I see she’s beat me again. I am asking you as my Clan head and not as my cousin for your honest opinion on this case.”

He is quiet for a while as he walks next to you through the woods that had been your home for so long.

Finally, he speaks.

“Shibi is not a bad man. If you are serious about this, I’d give you my blessings but I want you to meet him first, and talk this through. Don’t marry that man without knowing him, especially his family's jutsu.”

“You’d have to officiate.” You remind him and he groans in annoyance.

“What a drag.”

-

Shibi is tall. You cannot tell much more because his clothes seem to swallow him whole. Dark glasses cover his eyes and his hair is a mess of brown that almost seems to defy gravity but other than that, you can only see his long fingers wound around the teacup in front of him.

You wonder briefly if he’s cold. Maybe less than perfect blood circulation?

“Why don’t you tell us about your son?” Yori’s voice cuts through the quiet of the room but you barely flinch this time, the tips of your fingernails digging into the flesh of your hands instead.

Yori is one of the elders of the clan. What she lacks in size she makes up for in volume.

“His name is Shino.” Shibi offers politely. His voice is calm. “He was born four years ago, therefore he is as old as Shikamaru.”

“What are his hobbies?” You ask, your voice a whisper in comparison to Yori.

Shibi’s left eyebrow raises and he seems to ponder your question for a moment.

“Currently, he is learning about honeybees. Why? He is very interested in bugs and insects of all kinds.”

There’s so much more you want to ask.

Does he miss his mother? Does he like to cuddle? Does he cry or does he hide his tears like Shikamaru sometimes does because he’s embarrassed?

“Well, it sounds like you’re getting along,” Yori exclaims happily to your utter embarrassment. You can feel the blood rush to your cheeks and unlike Shibi, there’s no way to hide your blush.

He clears his throat pointedly and you fear the worst.

“Would you like to take a walk? We are not far from our grounds and I would like to show you the Aburame estate.” Just as before he adds a question and its answer to his sentence. “Why? Because you should know the place you’d be going to live in.”

It is almost endearing and you wonder if he’s aware of this mannerism.

Yori all but pushes you out the door. You’re not really dressed for a walk in today’s weather, the pretty Yukata Yori had demanded you put on is no match against Konoha’s fall winds.

But you soldier on.

The streets are busy as ever, but no one pays you any mind.

You’ve never stood out before but since your injury, people tend to look away when the notice you. Shibi seems to share your fate but he doesn’t seem to mind.

He’s quiet as he walks. You want to ask more questions but you don’t know what you should ask. Or if you’re allowed to.

Eventually, he turns to the right and through a tall, wooden archway.

Even in the fall, the Aburame estate is beautiful. There’s a multitude of trees dipped in various shades of red, yellow, and the dark green of conifers. Where the Nara estate is a dense forest with a few clearings, the Aburame estate is a cultivated garden.

It’s a feast for the insects, you realize, as you follow him down a path.

Wild vine covers the house you are walking towards. A door opens and a woman steps outside, a boy next to her. She’s old, her grey hair in a long braid.

“Father.” The boy greets Shibi and he looks nothing like you thought he would but nothing like that at all. He’s about the same size as Shikamaru but he wears long wide clothing and a tiny set of sunglasses that cover his eyes. His hair is a shade darker but just as wild.

“Shino. Chiasa-san. We have a visitor.”

“Hello.” You wave your hand awkwardly and they both greet you politely. Their eyes may be shielded by their sunglasses but you can tell that they are watching you curiously.

“I would like to borrow a coat, Chiasa-san. Why? Because Nara-san is here to learn about our estate and she is not dressed for the weather.”

“Can I come?” Shino asks. There’s a moment of Silence as you watch Shibi, trying to guess his answer. You want him to say yes just as much as you want him to say no.

“You can come. Why? You can tell her about the honeybees.”

There’s something like a smile tugging on little Shino’s lips. Chiasa is back, a heavy coat in her arms. It’s the same unassuming greenish-brown that seems to be the colour of the Aburame’s uniform. You take it, eager to slip into something warmer. As you move to put your arm into one sleeve, Shibi lifts the coat for easier access.

It’s a simple gesture but it’s attentive and you suppose it’s more than you could have asked for.

Shino is a determined guide. He lists all the plants that usually grow as well as the bugs that feed from them. Whenever he has nothing to say he falls silent. If he grows tired, he doesn’t say, he just trudges along on short legs.

Shibi halts in between the trees. It’s darker here but not as dark as in the Nara forest. Still it soothes your left eye.

“Before an Aburame engages in an arranged marriage, it is custom to show their eyes.” He exclaims. “If it frightens you, you will not have to see it again.”

Without any further explanation, he pulls the sunglasses from his face.

His eyes are a light shade of amber and you wonder if they would glow gold in the sunlight. Below each eye is a line of black dots. Before you can question if they are painted on or tattooed like the marks of the Inuzuka, the dots begin to move.

Quickly, you realize that they are bugs. Hundreds of them move out of tiny holes in his face, the most prominent ones below his eyes.

On instinct you take a step closer, your left eye not much help in distinguishing one bug from the other and something akin to surprise passes over Shibi’s face but you could be mistaken.

“Does it hurt?” You ask as you watch, transfixed.

“It does not.” Shino exclaims to your feet. “Should I show her too?” He asks his father.

Shibi seems to hesitate for a moment and you take it as a sign to take the lead, dropping down to be on eye level with the boy.

“If you want,” You tell him. “You can show me.”

Shino’s eyes have a blue tint, probably inherited from his mother. He watches you intently as the bugs march across his nose. This close you can tell how many of them there are and how small they are.

“Does it tickle?” You ask.

Instead of an answer, Shino lifts his hand and points at your left eye, his hand so close his finger almost pokes your skin.

“Does that hurt?” He asks bluntly.

“Only when the lights are very bright.” You tell him honestly.

“Why don’t you wear sunglasses?”

“I haven’t found a pair that I liked yet.” It’s not the whole truth but he seems satisfied with it.

“How did it happen?”

You swallow thickly, your brain rushing through various explanations.

“He only wants to know what caused it,” Shibi explains softly.

“Why? Because it looks like poison but none that I am familiar with.” Shino expands further, copying his father’s style of speech.

It is endearing to see parts of the one in the other.

And as Shino is not asking for much more but the most basic details of your injury, his question is quickly answered.

The boy stifles a yawn as you finish and Shibi, his glasses back in place, picks him up with ease.

“It is time for you to sleep. Why? Because your hive needs to regenerate.”

You walk after them, feeling a bit like a spectator to their home life as Shino melts into his father's hold, content to be carried.

Chiasa is already at the door when you arrive, accepting Shino into her arms.

“I will be home soon,” Shibi tells his son. “Do not wait up.”

You move to slip out of the given jacket but Shibi stops you quickly.

“I will walk you home. There is no need to give it back just now.”

The walk back is as quiet as when you started but it feels a lot less heavy now.

You can tell that Shibi is not much of a talker. This marriage would mean a quiet life and after having spent so much time around Yori, you can’t say you’re against the change.

About half a mile from your house, Shibi stops in the soft light of a flickering street lamp. He looks up at the sky where one cloud chases another, the strong winds pushing them further and further away.

“I’d like to know your opinion.” He says and you wait, already anticipating what will follow. “Why? Because it is important what you think about this.”

You hadn’t expected this particular kind of reasoning, another blush working itself into your cheeks.

“I-” You start, unsure of how to phrase your thoughts. “I’d like to try.” You shudder under the weight of this decision. “You seem a calm man. I don’t have much to offer but if you’ll have me-”

It sounds like you’re proposing to him, in some way, but Shibi doesn’t react. He’s quiet, almost frozen in place. You wonder what he’s thinking.

Eventually, he speaks again.

“How soon do you want to be married?” He asks.

-

Your wedding is small.

As the Clan head of the Nara, it is Shikaku’s duty to officiate any wedding inside the Nara Clan. But as you’re marrying someone from another Clan, he’s found just another reason to duck the responsibility.

You are wed in the Hokage office instead of the Nara forest as you had planned that your first wedding. The one that never happened.

Shikaku and Chiasa are your witnesses and Yoshinori is standing to the side, holding an already snoozing Shikamaru while Shino is a stiff spectator to her side.

Everything is done and over in less than twenty minutes.

There is no party after, no honeymoon that’s just the two of you in a shabby hotel.

While you were getting married, everything you’ve packed has been moved out from Yori’s house to the Aburame estate and is now waiting for you to unpack.

Less than a month ago Yori had approached you with her grand idea and now you were no longer a Nara but an Aburame by name and residence.

The walk toward your new home reminds you of your first walk with Shibi.

You’re both not dressed overly fancy, the change from work clothes to something more casual the only visible sign that this was not a work visit to the Hokage.

No one sends you any looks as you make your way through the village, Shino in your middle, refusing to be carried.

The fact that you look like his mother now, like you’re one family, hits you like one of Maito Guy's punches. Because, legally, you are his mother now. You are family.

It just doesn’t feel like it.

The wine-covered house is Shibi’s.

It’s slightly bigger than the others on the compound and as you step through the door you are surprised by the well-chosen interior. Light, earthy colors are interjected with the dark green of plants.

“Can I play?” Shino asks as soon as you are inside.

“Yes.”

Shino slips out of his shoes and into the living room. Before you can wonder what he considers playing, Shibi points towards the first floor.

“Let me show you your room.”

Your room, as he calls it, is a small bedroom that fits one bed, one dresser, and one small desk. There’s a door leading to a bathroom.

“It used to be my study.” He explains, his voice soft. “I thought you might want your own room. Why? Because we are not yet well acquainted.”

His words offer a look into the future. When you are better acquainted you will share his room. A shiver runs down your back, but you’re not sure why. You knew this was going to happen.

Quite frankly you hadn’t even thought it possible to have your own room. You were married now, after all.

The bathroom connects his room with yours. There are two more rooms on the other side of the hallway, Shino’s bedroom and another small bathroom.

“Are you hungry?” Shibi asks. “I will prepare something. Why? Shino is going to be hungry soon.”

“I am not hungry yet. Do you want me to help?”

“It is your choice. I will not mind your help nor if you choose to unpack instead.”

He leaves for the ground floor after that, leaving you to decide for yourself.

The day moves by quickly after that. Unpacking doesn’t take as long as you would have thought.

You come back down right on time for dinner only to realize that the Aburames do not talk during meals. It’s a quiet, yet tasty, meal. The small bug in your pocket, carved from an antler, is burning into your skin. But not once does it feel right to pull it out and gift it to him.

This is your wedding day but it feels different than what you had imagined.

After dinner, Shino and you help clean up the little that is to clean.

Shino settles in the living room soon after, a book roughly his size on the floor.

He puts his finger on the page and follows the words, sounding them out aloud whenever he has trouble.

He is four years old yet he can read almost as well as Shikamaru. You wonder how you’ll ever be a mother to him.

“I have to leave,” Shibi announces shortly after, gourd already on his back. “I’ll be back before morning.”

Shino nods in understanding and Shibi turns towards you. There is an awkward pause, roughly two heartbeats long, as you wonder how you should say goodbye. Do you hug him? Kiss him? Nod at him as Shino did?

“Shino will go to bed at his usual time. If there is any problem, Chiasa lives in the house closest to ours.”

He leaves after that with a curt nod, while you ponder the fact that it is now “our” house instead of “theirs”.

-

“I will go to bed now,” Shino tells you. “Why? Because I am tired.”

“Do you want me to take you?” You ask, getting to your feet.

He freezes in surprise. “How?”

“How?”

“How do you take one to bed? I do not need to be carried.”

You smile. “When I was your age, my mother would sit by my bed until I fell asleep and tell me stories. And my father would give me a good night kiss so that I would have good dreams.”

He ponders that for a moment until he nods in resolution.

“I would like to try a story. Why? I assume that those are educational.”

“They can be.”

When he has settled in his bed, his glasses on the nightstand, his bugs freely moving across his face, you pull the carving out of your pocket.

“What is it?” He asks and you hold it up for him to sea.

“It is my present to you. It is a bug made from antler.”

He takes it from your hand, holding it up as well.

“It is not anatomically correct.” He tells you. “It is much too big to be real.”

“It is not meant to look real. It is meant to be cherished.”

He ponders that for a moment before he puts the carving on the nightstand next to his glasses.

“Do you have a story about antlers?” He asks.

You smile. “Of Course. I come from the Nara Clan after all.”

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

It had been another quiet evening, the two of you going to bed without mentioning the discussion that was still very much on the table.

After not being able to fall asleep you wake up later than usual, your mind still a mess as you arrived downstairs.

Shino is drawing in the living room and you bend down to ruffle his hair softly.

“Good morning.” You greet him and he nods, too focused on his drawing to look up.

You follow the noise into the kitchen where Shibi is cleaning the dishes, the table still set for you with your usual breakfast.

“Good morning.” You greet him softly, suddenly unsure if your kisses are even wanted. Maybe it is a bit much to kiss his cheek every morning, night, and whenever he leaves the house.

“I have to leave around six for the night shift.” You remind him and take a seat. “Will you be home by then?”

“I’m not sure. Why? There’s talk about a new mission.”

“I’ll talk to Chiasa then.”

He falls quiet behind you, something you’re already growing used to.

Shibi is not much of a talker and neither is Shino.

After living with Yori for the last few years where every quiet minute had been cherished it feels almost unnatural at times for it to be this quiet.

Sometimes you wonder if they communicated through the bugs but it felt rude to just ask outright. It’s their Kekkai Genkai after all and if they want you to know, they’d let you know. Or maybe that’s just your inner coward talking.

“Chiasa said she’ll be here at half past five if that’s okay with you.” Shibi interrupts your thoughts and steps closer to the table to offer you more tea.

“I-” You hesitate. “How did you-” You swallow thickly, wringing your hands underneath the table. “When do you have to leave?”

“In a few minutes.” He pours you the tea, looking down at you over the collar of his coat.

“I have thought about your arguments,” He tells you quietly. “I’d like to talk about it.”

“You’re not home for lunch today, right?”

He shakes his head.

“Tomorrow?” You ask, chewing your lip in thought. “I usually try to sleep until lunch if I can after a night shift, but I can get up earlier if you’re free in the morning.”

“I’ll make sure to be home for lunch tomorrow. I’m sure Chiasa will be able to take care of Shino tomorrow morning as well.”

To your surprise, he leans forward after you nod, his lips brushing your cheek this time.

It’s the first time he initiates it instead of just letting it happen to him.

His lips are softer than you would have thought, his beard tickling your cheek as he moves away.

“Have a good day.” He tells you quietly, “I’ll say goodbye to Shino now.”

You look after him for a second, watch his tall body move towards the living room, until your mind and body reconnect and you press your hand against the cheek he kissed, the skin hot underneath your touch.

Maybe it’s because he’s so quiet and reserved that a gesture like that feels that much more important, or you’re just growing delusional from touch starvation.

Your free days have spoiled you.

You dread going to work again, especially considering that it will make you miss the best parts of the day, Shino going to bed and Shino waking up.

Right now he’s in a different world as he copies a sketch from his beloved book and you use the time to do the laundry and water the many plants around the house.

When that is done, an interruption can no longer be avoided.

“Hey, Shino.”

You sit down on the floor next to him.

He stays quiet but stops drawing, your sign to keep talking.

“I have told you of my cousin, right? Shikaku is the head of the Nara Clan and he has a son that’s as old as you. I have to go over to the Nara compound today and pick up some antlers to grind down from my grandmother and I thought we could go together and visit my cousin and the deer. What do you think?”

He starts drawing again but now, bugs crawl from his sleeves and his collar.

“I guess that means you’d rather keep drawing, right?” You guess and the Kikaichu stop increasing in numbers.

“Well,” you hum a little as you ponder the right choice of words, “Okay, it’s like this. I have to go over there and I can’t let you stay back alone. But I’ll give you a choice. We can ask Toshiko if she can come over until I’m back or I’ll make us some lunch to take with us and we’ll leave after you’ve finished this sketch. What do you want to do?”

It’s quiet for a while as you wait for a response. When he starts drawing again you bite back a sigh.

“Shino, honey, you have to use words with me, okay?”

He huffs. “I’ll finish the drawing. I don’t want Toshiko.”

“Thanks. I really want Shikamaru to meet you. I hope you’ll like him.”

You get up to make the promised lunch when his voice stops you.

“What is Shikamaru like?”

You look up at the ceiling as you ponder the question.

“He’s pretty lazy but very smart. He likes to nap all the time and he looks like his dad so it’s like seeing my cousin be a child again. But he’s a quiet kid and he likes to read too so I think you’ll get along.”

Shino finishes the drawing faster than you finish lunch and now he’s always one step behind you, watching closely as you prepare Onigiri and cut apple slices into bunnies.

At some point his left hand fists itself into the fabric of your skirt and you let him.

You’ll take every bit that he gives willingly.

-

“If you get tired, you can tell me. I can carry you.” You tell Shino and he crosses his arms in defiance. “Not that you’d get tired easily,” you soften your words, “But if it should happen, you know that you can ask me.”

You offer him your hand and he glares at it, making you laugh.

“The streets are pretty busy and I don’t want us to get separated. You can hold onto my skirt if that’s better.”

Almost instantly you can feel the tug on your skirt where his hand has grabbed the fabric and you smile.

“Let’s go then.”

It’s not a long walk but Shino manages to stretch it further by stopping at almost every tree to look for insects that he knows or doesn’t know yet.

You’d rush him if it wasn’t so endearing.

Besides, you’re not in a rush to see Yori, knowing full well the effect she usually has on your mood.

-

Your hand is on Shino’s shoulder and you absentmindedly wonder if it’s to reassure yourself or him.

Yori opens the door, takes one look at Shino, and pulls a face. You should have left him home for this.

“Shouldn’t he be with his father?” She asks, her voice a bit shrill.

“I am showing him the Clan I come from.” You force your voice to remain calm and level. “And I don’t have much time today, I’m afraid. If you’ll hand me the antlers, I’ll be back in two days.”

She huffs in annoyance but retreats back into the house. When she comes out, she hands you not only a bag of antlers but a second bag as well.

At first glance, it looks filled with fabric but before you can ask, Yori’s already talking over you.

“Ayame asked for those to be mended. Have them back in two days as well.”

You grind your teeth to keep calm.

“I’m working the night shift this week, that’s nowhere enough time.”

“Well, it’s not my problem if you can’t manage your time well.” Yori’s voice has that awful sweetness that makes you feel ungrateful even when you’re in the right.

Maybe you’d given in, well, who are you kidding, you’d given in for sure if not for the sudden movement to your right.

Kikaichu crawl from Shino’s sleeves, a mass that looks like black, constantly moving clumps. Some of them make the distance to you and the feeling of thousands of tiny legs on your skin is unsettling.

You don’t have time to worry about that, though, when you realize that he’s focusing on Yori. She’s noticed the Kikaichu too, her mouth going slack as she watches the bugs start to take flight.

“Ayama can come to me herself if she wants things altered,” you press out in a rush, dropping the bag with fabric and grabbing Shino’s hand instead, pulling him back and away from Yori’s front door.

“We’ve got to go.” Shino stumbles, threatening to fall back. You force yourself to ignore the bugs now covering almost your whole body, and grab the boy under the arms, lifting him up as you move even faster.

Somewhere behind you, the front door slams shut. You don’t look back, only stop when you reach the street.

Shino’s slack in your arms as you put him down and face him, crouching low enough to be on his height.

“What was that?” You ask. “You can’t attack people.”

“I am allowed to defend myself. Why? Father has allowed that.”

You heave a sigh and rub your temple.

“Yori wasn’t going to attack you, Shino. She’s not very nice, I know, but she’s an elder and we have to respect her. That doesn’t mean we always have to do what she says but we still have to be respectful. Can you promise me not to unleash your bugs on her?”

“What if she attacks me?”

You hesitate for a moment, weighing your options.

His safety is your top-priority. His understanding of attacks is still a little vague, however.

But your encounter today will most likely keep Yori far away from Shino.

“You can use your bugs to defend yourself but you should try and do it in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone.”

He doesn’t speak but the Kikaichu crawl back into the confines of his clothes and you suppose that’s the best you can hope for right now.

Two houses down from Yori is a bench that you use to pause and gather your breath.

“I’m sorry Shino.” You sit down next to him and follow his eyes to the trees lining the streets.

“I wasn’t a good mother right now Right down that corner lives my cousin with his son. What do you think? Should we make a short visit for tea and some cookies or head straight home? They live really close to the deer so if we want to go and pet them we have to walk past them anyway.”

“We can visit.” Shino agrees. “Why? You like cookies.”

You can’t help but laugh at that.

“I seem to be very predictable. But I do love Shikaku and Shikamaru as well. Maybe even more than cookies.”

It’s meant as a joke but Shino turns his head to look at you and something in you snaps into place, making you ruffle his hair and tell him. “Not as much as I love you, though.”

He doesn’t respond, neither verbally nor physically.

You’re not really surprised. He’s only four after all and a quiet kid.

-

“How’s my favorite little cousin?” You ask Shikamaru who’s sitting on the porch, looking like he’s just woken up.

He eyes you carefully. “I’m your second cousin.” He reminds you and you laugh.

“You’re right. Is your dad home?”

“No. But Mom is inside.” He points at the open door behind him, raising his voice barely to call for her.

Shino is quiet next to you, his grip on your skirt tight.

“Oh, how nice!” Yoshino smiles when she spots you. “You brought Shino. Shikamaru, where are your manners? Get up and say hello.”

“They’re coming up to the house anyway,” He mutters annoyed, “Why do I have to get up?”

You turn away from their bickering and toward Shino who’s staring at them, his pale hand going white from how tight he’s holding the fabric of your skirt.

“Hey, Shino.” You lower yourself carefully, glad that you’re wearing shorts beneath your skirt. You’d be flashing everyone otherwise.

“I know they’re a bit loud.” You tell him, keeping your voice low so that no one else hears you. “But I promise they are really nice and I want them to know you because you’re important to me. How about we try for thirty minutes? That’s as long as we need to drink one cup of tea. We’re leaving right after, I promise, but if it’s too loud, you can tell me, okay?”

He nods softly, his high collar almost swallowing the movement. You put your hand on his.

“Can you hold onto my hand?” You ask, aware that Yoshino has finally gotten her son of the porch, the two walking toward you. “That way you can tell me when everything is too much. You just press my hand twice.”

He hesitates for a moment before letting go of your skirt, his fingers curling into yours.

“Thanks.” You brush your other hand over his hair again and get up to face your friends.

“Shikamaru, Yoshino. This is Shino. He’s my son.”

Shikamaru has the decency to lift his lips into a lazy smile.

“Hi Shino. Do you play Shogi?”

Shino does not let go of your hand the entire time you’re at Yoshino’s house. Not one word comes past his lips but he listens carefully as Shikamaru explains the rules of Shogi and moves his pieces around quietly with his left hand, his right hand securely in yours.

It’s a bit weird watching two four-year-olds play Shogi, especially considering that you’ve never really figured out how to actually play that game and win.

Shino’s a quick learner and you can tell that Shikamaru enjoys the challenge up until the end. It’s no surprise to you that Shikamaru wins.

As Shino realizes his loss, however, a fresh wave of Kikaichu starts crawling up your arm, the movement drawing the attention of Shikamaru and Yoshino.

The feeling is unsettling, but you manage to keep calm.

“You’re right, Shino. It is time for us to leave. I did say thirty minutes.”

As if following your command instead of his, the Kikaichu move back toward their owner, leaving only a few crawling around your wrist. You let out a breath, glad you were able to divert the danger this fast

Yoshino hugs you carefully goodbye, whispering a “You’re very good with him,” into your ear. Your answer is a shy smile.

It’s one thing adoring your little cousin. It’s another thing being thrown into the role of a mother. You can only hope you’re doing this right.

-

There’s a fawn that has taken a liking to Shino, nudging his shoulder with its nose.

“It’s a boy.” You tell Shino as you pet the fawn, rubbing it’s shoulders softly. “He was born in May. He likes you.”

He looks up at you as if asking a question, no words coming out.

“The deer know that you’re not a Nara. Normally they are very careful and shy around strangers but this one came directly to you. That means he has accepted you as part of my family and decided that he likes you. If you want, we can bring some food next time and you can feed him.”

Shino neither accepts nor refuses the offer, but he pulls a face, clearly stifling a yawn.

“I think it’s time we make it back home, don’t you think? I could use a nap.”

He nods, taking the hand you’re offering him when a sudden sound surprises the two of you.

“Did you hear that?” You ask. Shino nods slowly.

You wait a second and there it is again, a soft mewling noise.

“Where do you think it’s coming from?”

Shino points at a shrub near you, following you closely as you move toward it.

You can feel the Kikaichu swarming your arm again and turn back to smile at him.

“Don’t worry. It sounds like a cat. There’s nothing dangerous about that.”

Your assumptions are right. The kitten seems to be a few months old and is completely black save for its white stomach.

It blinks up at the two of you, mewling softly.

You crouch down to pick it up and it melts into your touch instantly, purring up a storm.

“I don’t know anyone around here who has a cat,” You wonder aloud, “Maybe Yagushi but that’s on the other side of the compound.”

Looking down at the kitten there are only two possible options. Taking it with you or leaving it here.

It’s too small to survive alone, even in the calm Nara forest, but can you really bring back a kitten when there’s still so much unclear and left to discuss?

Shino yawns again and you make your decision.

-

You’re growing accustomed to the feeling of Kikaichu crawling over you.

Shino’s on the floor next to the Couch you’ve just napped on.

The kitten, currently nameless, is investigating the various plants in the living room, sniffing every corner only to come back crying the moment it encounters a stray Kikaichu.

“Do you want to name it?” You ask and Shino looks up at you.

“Name it?”

“It’s custom to name your pets. It makes it easier to bond.”

He looks back to the kitten that’s running around the table now, trying to catch a Kikaichu.

“Okita.” His voice is low but you’ve heard him.

“That’s a nice name.” You reach out your hand to push it through his hair.

“How was your nap?”

“It was sufficient.”

You smile.

“You know a lot of big words. Do you want to make some pills with me or play with Okita?”

He’s quiet and you lean your head to the side as you watch him, trying to unravel his thoughts.

“Do you want to do something else?” You ask softly and he nods slowly.

“I want to draw the Pear Psylla.”

“Ah.” You nod. “From the trees today. Good idea. Do you want to sit at the table with me or stay on the floor?”

“I will sit at the table. Why? Okita will not distract me there.”

He sits close to you, close enough that he almost ends up as your distraction instead, Kikaichu constantly moving up your arms and legs.

-

Chiasa is as quiet as a mouse, nearly scaring you to death when she suddenly appears at the door to the kitchen.

“A kitten?” She asks and you heave a sigh as you close your Bento Box.

“We found it with the deer and I couldn’t leave it behind. If Shibi is against keeping it I’ll ask around. Someone at the Nara compound must know which cat has given birth recently.”

“Did you have a pet growing up?” Chiasa asks, seemingly out of nowhere, as she sets up tea water.

The way she moves around the house as if she’s the one living here has not stopped being unsettling.

“We’ve always had the deer. My father used to bring in the fawns if they were too small and we’d bottle feed them and let them sleep in the living room.”

“When will you be back?”

“Somewhere between fix and six in the morning, it depends if we can get out early.”

She nods and turns back towards the tea, leaving you to slip out of the kitchen awkwardly to say goodbye to Shino.

Where Toshiko has welcomed you to the Clan with open arms, Chiasa is a closed book to you.

She’s the first person you’re supposed to ask if you need someone to look after Shino and she’s comfortable enough in Shibi’s home that you suspect she might be his mother. But neither of them has ever confirmed it to your face.

-

You’re already tired when you arrive at the hospital.

That’s never a good start for the night shift.

You haven’t done all that much today, but the day still feels like a riddle of worries and tasks, like you’ve run yourself down.

“Hey, I heard you got married.” A voice calls out to you.

You pull the hospital scrubs over your head and turn to look.

Masumi, one of your coworkers, is standing at the door.

“I did.” You tell her calmly. The two of you are not close by any means.

“That’s surprising. I didn’t know you were dating anyone.”

Someone snorts from behind you, a locker closes to show another face.

“Didn’t you hear?” Ryo asks, her voice too bright for the words it carries. “It’s an arranged marriage. The Aburame only do that kind of thing.”

“Oh well,” Masumi laughs, “I guess if you can’t find love any other way, why not try it that way?”

You slip past them right when Kazue turns the corner, clipboard in hand.

“We’ve got a late one in room five. Four years old, fell on the playground or something like that.”

“I can take it,” You offer but Masumi interrupts you with a snort.

“You?” She asks. “The kid is going to start screaming the moment it sees your eye. You know you’re supposed to stick to the older ones.”

Kazue turns a blind eye toward the comment, or rather, a deaf ear. She hands Masumi the clipboard and looks at the next one, ready to assign you a different job, when Masumi speaks up again.

“Nevermind, it’s Naruto. You can have him.”

The Clipboard is thrust into your hands and you take it, not willing to stick around any longer.

Naruto is sitting on the examination bed, dangling his feet, while chomping down on a lollipop. His bright yellow hair and sunny smile are a trademark of his but his arms and legs are covered in scrapes and bruises.

There’s a teenage boy sitting next to him who turns his head when you walk in.

“Iruka, Hi.” you greet him easily, eyeing the scar over his nose for a second. It’s been about six months but it could have healed better.

“Naruto, hi.” You offer him your fist to bump. “I heard you fell?”

Naruto, bless his little soul, doesn’t stare at your eye. He doesn’t cry either, just tries to talk around the lollipop in his mouth.

“Ah.” You put your fingers against your lips. “Not talking with your mouth full. Can you take the Lolli out first and tell me?”

He pulls the sweet out of his mouth with a wet pop, before he tells you the whole story in all its detail. He’s an animated talker and more than once you narrowly avoid getting hit by the Lolli in his hand.

Iruka, however, seems dead on his feet.

“Well, let’s clean you up, right? Do you want to help? I can show you how to clean up scrapes, it’s really easy. You’d be the youngest doctor in Konoha.”

“I’m going to be Hokage one day.” Naruto exclaims.

“Really? That’s awesome. But it won’t hurt to know how to treat wounds as a Hokage, don’t you think?”

You lift him off the examination bed and towards the little chair in the corner, nodding your head in the direction of the now empty bed.

“Take ten minutes, Iruka. I won’t tell anyone.”

“I- what? I shouldn’t-”

“Ah, naps are important, don’t you think Naruto?”

“I don’t like naps.” The boy tells you earnestly. “I want to play all the time.”

“I’m sure you do but it’s really important to take a nap if you want to grow tall. How about we let Iruka take a quick nap so that he can grow even taller? We can go look for more sweets too.”

As usual, you wish you could do more for the two of them when they leave.

But, as you hand Iruka your Bento Box when no one’s looking, you realize that maybe, you can do a bit more, now that you’re married.

“Hey,” you touch his elbow to halt him in his movements, “I live at the Aburame compound now. I know money’s tight at the end of the month, so come by whenever, okay? Shino’s the same age as Naruto, they might get along.”

Iruka looks surprised but relieved.

He’s only seventeen and already caring for a kid that’s not his own.

Sure, everyone likes to say that there’s the orphanage and Naruto has nothing to worry about but Iruka wouldn’t pick him up from there and spend time with him almost daily if life at the orphanage was really that peachy.

“Aburame, room 7.” Kazue calls from somewhere behind you and you stiffen, your new last name still unfamiliar.

“See you around.” You press Iruka’s elbow and bend down quickly to ruffle Naruto’s hair. “And you too, future Hokage.”

Chapter Text

Exhaustion has settled heavy in your legs as you walk through the door. Shibi’s gourd is leaning against the wall next to his shoes, telling you that he’s home.

You want to do nothing but fall into bed right now but your stomach is painfully reminding you that you haven’t eaten in hours.

If you sit down you’ll not get up again so you locate some leftovers from dinner and a bag of gummy bears and scarf it down standing, leaning against the wall for support.

A few Kikaichu fly past your face as you open the door to your room. You take two steps and drop down on your comforter, too tired to bother with closing the door or slipping out of your clothes. 

Sleep is pulling you in fast, the only thing keeping you awake is the feeling of your belt buckle digging into your stomach. 

You’re fighting yourself, trying to gain enough strength to turn on your side or back, when a a low noise comes from behind you.

“Airi?” Shino’s not wearing his glasses or his usual overcoat and you can see the growing redness on his milky white arms as he stops in front of you. “My skin is itchy. Can you bathe me?”

“Shino?” You raise your head slightly to glance at your alarm clock. “It’s half past five. Why are you awake already?”

“My skin is itchy.” He repeats, his annoyance made visible when bugs start crawling over his skin. “You’ve got to bathe me.”

“Can’t your father do it? He’s going to wake up in half an hour anyway.”

Something dark moves over Shino’s features and the truth cuts through your exhaustion like a hot knife through butter.

Shino might be an Aburame, quiet and polite to a fault, but he might also be the first to show you his real self, accepting you as part of this family the only way he can. 

He’s four years old. He wants your attention and, more importantly, your help. 

You wanted to be a mother for so long and today is just another day where you have to prove that you can do it.

“Alright.” You move to get up. “I’m coming. Does your skin get itchy often?”

“Sometimes.” He pulls you forward by the hem of your skirt and points at the array of tubs and bottles in the tiny bathroom that he uses. 

“Normally the blue bottle is enough but when it gets really itchy, I have to scrub down with the red one and lather the skin with the green one.”

You grab the two tubs, the height of the shelves telling you that he’d not been wrong in calling you.

Well, he could have called his father, but you suppose this was Shino’s thing. Finding ways to have skin-on-skin contact without ever asking for it directly.

Grateful for the little stool you sit down and wait until he’s stripped out of his sleep wear before lathering your hands in a body scrub that smells faintly of lavender and honey. 

“Can you do me a favor?” You ask softly as you start scrubbing his back, noticing the texture of his skin, soft yet covered in tiny holes barely big enough to see, holes the Kikaichu use to move through.

“Can you talk to me? I’m really tired and you need to keep me awake.”

“Okita was really loud last night,” Shino tells you, too awake for this early hour. Your brain needs half a second to register what he said and even longer to connect the dots. 

The kitten. You’d forgotten the kitten. You’d put it in your room with food and a makeshift toilet before you left, hoping against all odds that you’d be able to tell Shibi in the morning instead of him hearing it from the other two.

“Yeah?”

“I was already in bed but Okita was so loud that I got up and went to see if it was hurt. But it just wanted to escape the room. Father was downstairs.”

“What did he say?” 

“He was surprised. Annoyed when Okita did not want to stay in your room. He sent me back to my room. Why? It was late and I needed to sleep.”

“Did you have a nice evening with Chiasa?”

“What were you doing at work?” 

He avoids the question two more times until you give in and let him direct the conversation.

Eventually, you’d massaged the last drop of lotion into his skin and sit back.

“Now… Do you want to go back to bed for a little bit longer?”

He nods and walks out of the bathroom only to walk into your room instead of his, climbing onto your bed.

“Shino?” You’re too tired to argue, too exhausted to question his need to be closer each day.

“Okita doesn’t like being alone,” Is his reasoning and you suppose it’s good enough, climbing into bed next to him, offering him your arm to slip under.

His hair tickling your chin is the last thing you feel before you finally succumb to your exhaustion.

-.-.-.-.- Shibi -.-.-.-.-

He wakes to a weight on his chest that’s vibrating in harmony with his hive.

When he opens one eye, he can see the faint outline of black fur in the dim morning light. The kitten has curled into a ball on top of him, purring loudly as if to make up for the noise it had been making the better part of last night.

Shibi never had a pet. Why would he? He had his Kikaichu to take care of.

He couldn’t name one member of the Aburame Clan ever having a pet and even his mother could only name one distant cousin who once tried to tame ravens but failed to do so.

Everything in him wants to put a stop to this notion as quickly as he can.

Mother had been surprisingly reluctant to voice her opinions, only offering vague answers until she had decided that she did not want to be disturbed anymore, forcing his Kikaichu from her house and thereby ending their conversation, leaving him to his own devices.

He tried putting the kitten out onto the patio but the tiny feline had been yowling so loudly only seconds after he closed the door that he had been forced to let him in again.

It does not feel good to be so helpless against the whims of an animal, especially one that wasn’t even fully matured. 

It feels even worse knowing that he’d have to let you handle it in the future, no matter what they would decide.

He heaves a sigh. 

What they would decide. He, the Clan Head, is too weak to make his own decisions.

But is it really a weakness? 

No one has ever called him weak for listening to Zoka when she was alive, instead praising his empathy and understanding.

He loved Zoka before she loved him and he knows without a doubt that he is already falling in love with you, not knowing if you’d ever love him.

When he gets up eventually, the kitten curled up on his arm, tiny claws attaching themselves to him whenever he dares move it, Shino’s bedroom door is wide open but the boy is not inside. 

He finds him in your room instead, squinting at him over the top of your arm that’s curled around his chest, your face pressed into his hair.

Wordlessly he orders his son to get up. You need your sleep.

Shino refuses, the furrow of his eyebrows and the emotion in his eyes clearly visible without his glasses on. Shibi’s eyebrows rise. This is unusual.

With a tiny mewl, the feline rises from its place on his arm and jumps onto the bed, settling in the tiny space where your body doesn’t touch Shino’s, eyeing Shibi as if to ask him what he’s still doing there, standing up.

He’s questioning it himself, not sure if this isn’t just a weird dream.

After all, in the reality he knows, he does not have a kitten or a son that does not listen to what he was told. 

One of Shino’s Kikaichu crosses him, telling him to please close the blinds and the door and Shibi gives up, following his son's orders instead of enforcing it to be the other way around.

He does, however, inform him that he’s making breakfast and wants him down to eat with him.

But he’s no fool. He can only hope his son will grow hungry instead.  Why? He will not risk waking you up in favor of dragging Shino down.

-

By the time you come down for lunch, Shino’s been acting as well-behaved as ever for hours. 

Shibi had not enjoyed the lecture he had to give, probably even less than Shino enjoyed listening to it.

But he seemed to understand as much as a four-year-old could understand that there was a difference between sleeping at night and sleeping during the day. That a nap was different than catching up on the sleep you’d missed because you worked through the night.

All self-restraint seems to fly out the window, however, when your feet hit the last step of the staircase.

Shino’s by your side in a second, his eyes roving over your face as his Kikaichu already claim your arm.

“You look tired.” His observation is spot on, but you stop to smile.

“I am tired.” You tell him honestly, “But that’s something I have to deal with during night shift week. It would be unfair if I’d be the one who never had to work night shifts, you know?”

“Did you sleep less because I was there?” 

Shibi flinches at the question and avoids your eyes when you look at him.

“You were not a distraction if that’s what you ask. But I never sleep well after a night shift. That’s just how it is.”

“Can I help?” Shino’s face is open, his attention completely on you. 

Shibi can’t look away either, not when a warm smile lights up your face.

“I feel like I missed out on taking you to bed last night. Can we hug a bit while the coffee brews?”

She opens her arms for him and he steps forward cautiously, letting out a surprised gasp and a cloud of Kikaichu when you lift him up easily, your arms crossed under his legs to hoist him up.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” You smile, his face close to yours. “Now, tell me what you did all morning without me, would you?”

Shibi’s mind is split in two. One half is happy, can’t stop watching the way Shino relaxes against you. It reminds him of different times when Shino was clinging to him instead. 

You’re good with the boy, allowing him to be a child with all that entails.

But he can never stop worrying. 

Isn’t Shino too heavy to be carried around this much? Should he get used to it again now that he’s four? He’s going to start advanced training soon and falling back into old habits won’t do him any good there. If he won’t stop clinging to you, it will affect all of them negatively when you have to leave for work.

Right after lunch, Toshiko knocks on the door, asking politely if Shino wants to come with her and Muta for the day. There’s work to do at the pumpkin patches and Muta promises to play with him as well.

Shino seems hesitant, torn between the idea of playing with Muta and staying with you.

“You should go.” Shibi tries to encourage him. “We need to have a grown-up talk anyway.”

As if on cue, Shino’s rebellious streak from this morning returns, his lower lip jutting forward in a pout. Before he can speak, however, you lower yourself to his height and whisper something into his ear. 

Shino considers it for a long moment before he nods and turns to Toshiko.

“I’ll get my shoes. Did you know that we have a cat? His name is Okita.”

Toshiko looks surprised, even more so when Shino does not only bring his shoes but Okita as well, the feline mewing loudly in protest at being woken up.

“We found her yesterday.” You explain, taking the kitten from Shino’s hands. “We’re not sure if we can really keep her or if she already belongs to someone. But she seems to like Shino.”

The truth, Shibi has already understood, is far simpler. Okita, like everyone else in the Aburame household, likes you. All the other people are just there to be used as pillows or food dispensers.

--.-.-.-.- Airi -.-.-.-.-

When Shino has left and Okita has settled in one of the arm chairs, the house falls silent.

It would be so easy to let yourself fall into that silence, to let it carry you away.

But this is something you have to talk about, even if you’re used to keeping your head low and your questions to yourself.

“Chiasa,” you ask because it’s been on the tip of your tongue for some while, “Is she your mother?”

Shibi looks up from the tea he’s been pouring, surprise evident on his features even without his eyes being visible.

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

“No one ever introduced us that way.” You explain, trying to keep your voice light. “And I can’t go on assuming things, can I? You- Do you communicate through the bugs? The Kikaichu, I mean?”

Shibi nods again. “Yes. We can hold complete conversations through them. It’s difficult for Shino. Why? He has not many people around that need him to use words. He is not used to explaining himself.”

“I’ve noticed. Do the…” You stop for a second, the incident from yesterday still fresh in your mind. “Do the Kikaichu only respond to commands or would they respond to something less formulated as well?”

“What do you mean?”

You explain quickly what happened, both at Yori’s house and with Shikamaru. Shibi’s shoulders are squared when you end, his hands tight around the tea cup he’d been offering you.

“You should not have gone outside the complex without help. I’ve noticed today how he used his Kikaichu to keep you close but this was highly dangerous. You have no expertise in stopping him should he lose control.”

“Then show me.” You interrupt his agitated speech calmly even though your own heart races. Thinking how it could have turned out instead is not good for you nerves.

“I don’t think you-” You interrupt him again, this time with a quick movement of your hands.

“Please hand me my tea.” You instruct him but he does not move.

“What?” His voice is strained now as he tries to fight the shadow bindings.

“I am not helpless. I just need instructions.” You explain. A cloud of black Kikaichu erupts from his sleeve instead, carrying the teacup towards you.

“And you misunderstand the danger of the Kikaichu.”

“If Shino’d really be this dangerous, you would not have let me be alone with him at all.” You remind him softly and accept the tea, cutting the shadow bindings as you do so.

“Let’s sit down.” You feel tired again but this discussion isn’t something you can escape from. “You wanted to tell me your opinion on the matter.”

-

Shibi is quiet for a long moment and you let him gather his thoughts.

“There are four things we need to discuss today.” He begins, his hands resting on his knees, palms down. He looks calm and collected but you’re starting to realize that there might be hiding more under the surface.

“First, I have thought of unwritten rules you need to know to keep up a united front. I did not think Shino would ever rebel against a rule until today. He was instructed to let you sleep and yet he must have woken you at some point.”

“I wasn’t asleep yet when he came by. He told me that he was itchy and needed my help to bathe.”

Shibi looks surprised. “He did not complain about it at all the night before. But I have noticed that he’s looking for reasons to spend time with you. As much as it pleases me that he likes you, you cannot give in too easily and spoil him. He used to be like that with me when he was about two years old. He was clinging to me every minute I was home and when I had to leave for work or missions, he’d cry and be inconsolable.”

“Shibi.” He looks up from his hands that are now gripping the fabric of his trousers. 

“He’s four.” You remind him softly, “If he wants to cuddle, he should be able to do so. I know we have a lot of work to do but suppose…” You hesitate and let the thought form itself properly, thankful that Shibi gives you the time and space for it.

“Suppose we arrange half an hour a day where he gets to cuddle us. Individually. Just like we told him that nap time was important if he wanted to be able to stay up longer. I did agree to cuddle with him before I had to leave for work so maybe that would help?”

“Half an hour?” Shibi’s voice sounds contemplative. “Just cuddling? What would that entail?”

It’s the way he asks, suddenly so unsure of himself, that makes you reach out and close one of your hands around his, your eyes fixed on his glasses. 

“It’s about skin-to-skin contact. Hugging, holding hands, just sitting next to each other and touching as you work. Whatever you both feel comfortable with.”

You move to release his hand but he tenses for the tiniest fraction of a second and you stop, unsure how to proceed.

Shibi is your husband. As far as you can tell, he’s a nice man. One that’s probably even more touch starved than his son. Maybe, just maybe, the Aburame Clan isn’t just as touch starved as any other Shinobi. Maybe it’s even worse.

Softly you lifted your joined hands from his knee and place them on the couch cushions between you, smiling encouragely at Shibi.

“So, cuddling hour… what else?”

Your hands are still entwined when he agrees to the cat.

He pulls back, however, when he addresses the third thing on his list. His wife.

“I have thought about it.” He admits, his voice low. “And I do understand your reasoning. But I have no idea how to introduce her into Shino’s life like nothing happened.”

“It will come up,” you promise him, “And when it does, you can try and answer as truthfully as you possibly can. If you want it to come up when you’re ready for it, bring out something that used to be hers. Shino’s a curious kid. He will ask.”

“Did you have something like that?” Shibi asks. “You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”

“My mother died first.” You tell him softly. “And she left me this quilted blanket made from all my old baby clothes. It grew with me, you could say. There’s a story attached to every square of this blanket and in the short time between my mother’s and my father’s death, it soothed both of us to sit there and look at every square and talk about it. I still have it and like to look at it when times get rough.”

“I do not want to undermine your position in this household.” Shibi’s voice is scratchy now, tick with feeling too.

You freeze for a second, realizing what he’s talking about.

“Wouldn’t she want you to be happy?” You ask, your voice mirroring his now. “Because if the roles were reversed, I’d want Jurou to be happy. I might have to remind myself sometimes that I’m allowed to be happy without him, but I know he’d want me to be happy. And I think it’s important that children know that their parents ultimately want them to be happy.”

After that conversation, the two of you fall quiet again.

It’s a heavy, but comfortable quiet, like a thick wollen blanket in winter.

Even though the topic feels fit for a late night or a rainy afternoon, the sun outside is shining bright and you can hear birds singing outside, Okita perched at the window to watch them fly.

Your eyes always come back to Shibi.

You think that even without the high collar and the sunglasses it would be hard to read him, his face not giving much of his thoughts away. 

Maybe it’s the time spent with Shino that makes you more attuned to him, though, seeing features and behaviors repeated in this smaller version of him.

Their eyebrows are the same and even though their angle suggests that they’re always annoyed, you’ve come to notice how they look when they truly are annoyed.

You wonder how much longer it will take you to read Shibi like a book and if that’s ever going to be possible.

He pulls you out of your reverie when he leans forward and puts one large hand on your right, entwining his fingers with yours.

“The last point,” he starts and you can hear it, the little quiver in his voice, that tells you that he’s nervous. 

“This has been a quiet house. Why? Partly because we have been communicating in a different way, but we also do not speak if we feel we have nothing important to say. It has changed since you arrived. Shino talks a lot more. But you might still need a lot of patience with Shino and me. Why? Shino wants to talk to you but he is not used to verbal communication. He will tell you what he’s learned again and again and again. And I…”

He stops, his mouth a tense line. 

You can’t help but assume that like in most things, he’s like his son too. He wants to talk, but he doesn’t know how or what about.

“I like talking to you.” You realize just how true these words are when they slip from your mouth. Shibi is always calm and patient, never one to judge your words before you’ve got a chance to explain yourself. The past years and experiences might leave you tense in most conversations, afraid to ask questions, but Shibi’s calm presence is like the ease you never knew you could have.

“How about that…” You offer softly, “I will ask any question that comes to my mind and you will do the same? That way we’ll obviously have to talk more.”

There’s a hint of a smile on his lips. Only a heartbeat later he opens his mouth again.

“What is your favorite snack?”

You can’t help but laugh at that question. “I… Gosh, I have no idea. But I usually go shopping like this…”

Chapter Text

Chapter 6 - Airi -

Two weeks pass and you’re at the end of a work cycle. 

Every single shift has its advantages and disadvantages, leaving you unable to decide which one you would ask to cut.

Shibi’s recommendation - to cut two days off each week - gets blocked the second you bring it up. 

“You can’t work less.” Kazue hardly looks up from her charts. “We need you here.”

“I have a son now, he needs me.”

Kazue levels you with a glare. “How old is he?”

“He’s four.” 

She snorts. “That’s old enough to be alone for a few hours. Besides, he’s got a father too, doesn’t he? He can train with him when you’re at work like every other child here does.”

Kazue ends the conversation after that, assigning you the task that everyone hates - the autopsy shift.

It’s less draining on your Chakra than any other shift but it depletes what good mood you had left over from the morning. When you finally clean up, more than eager to get home, Kazue crosses your path again, handing you a scroll.

“Urgent mission. You need to get ready in half an hour.”

“But-” You start and she glares at you until you close your mouth and nod.

“Your shift tomorrow is covered but in case you come back earlier than expected, report to your usual shift.”

Half an hour is not nearly enough time for what you need to get done. 

You race home and send a shadow clone to fetch Chiasa when Shibi is nowhere to be found.

She arrives in a cloud of Kikaichu and striped sleepwear.

“Shibi’s on a mission.” She explains, her tone dry as always.

“I have to leave for one as well.”

“Ah.” She eyes the bar of chocolate you’re wolfing down in between packing your stuff. “When are you going to be back?”

“Estimated time is up to twenty hours. I’m on late shift rotation and if I’m home earlier I have to report back anyway. If Shino asks for me tomorrow…”

“He understands what missions are about.” Chiasa sounds clearly annoyed now and you suppose she’s right. But you can’t help thinking about your own childhood and how it felt to stay behind when your parents had to leave for missions. Especially the one they never came back from.

“I’m telling him goodbye.” You rush past her before she can stop you, climb the stairs knowing full well you’re going to be late to the meeting point.

“Hey, Shino…” You shake his shoulders softly and he grumbles, a wave of Kikaichu crawling over your hands in response. Whatever they tell him, it wakes him up and he blinks blearily up at you.

“I have to leave on a mission,” You tell him quietly, “Chiasa is here and looking after you. I won’t be home tomorrow when you wake up.”

Even in his sleepy state, he grasps the meaning of your words immediately, his hands following suit. He’s hanging off your shoulders now, face pressed against your neck.

Shino does not speak, he does not need to. The Kikaichu crawling over your body tell you more than enough and you keep talking to him, your voice quiet and soothing until he lets go of you again.

You kiss him on the forehead one last time and sneak a piece of chocolate into the top drawer of his nightstand for him to find in the morning.

-

Haruno Mikio’s bright pink hair is clearly visible even this late at night.

Your heart leaps at the thought of having him on your team but when you approach him, he wipes sweat and dirt off his forehead and grins apologetically.

“Sorry dumpling,” he flicks your forehead, “Just got back. Maybe next time.”

You roll your eyes at the age-old nickname. Mikio, Tsume and you had been Genin-Team 8 years ago and while you wouldn’t call the three of you best friends, there’s still some fondness left for each other.

“Say hi to your kid for me,” you tell him off and march over to the other group of Shinobi waiting at the gates.

Ohta Masashi and Ota Minori are both Jonin, who are, ironically, not related.

They might share almost identical looks and fighting styles and even their last names are almost identical, but everyone who’s spent the better part at the Academy with them in one class - like you - knows better.

“What are you doing here?” Masashi asks, annoyed as usual in your presence. “This is an A-Rank Mission. You’re still Chunin.”

“All Missions above and including B-Rank Missions should include a Medi-Nin.” You remind Masashi as calmly as you can. You’d rather be at home anyway.

“Who’s leading the mission? The information I got was pretty dire.”

“Some Aburame,” Minori shrugs, “Or was it Asamune? Didn’t really care. Didn’t you marry lately? I heard something.”

“I did.” You have no intentions on discussing your life with your school bullies but Minori seems to have other plans. 

“Heard it’s an Aburame. Didn’t know Deer and Bugs could be sexually compatible.” He snickers as if he’d just made the best joke ever and Masashi joins in when someone clears their throat directly behind you.

“It seems we’re all here.” You’d recognize that voice anywhere by now and turn, hoping against all odds that Shibi hasn’t heard anything that Minori has just said.

Just half a second later your head registers something more important.

“You’re the team lead?” You ask, your head spinning with thoughts. “Chiasa said you’d gone on a mission, what about-?”

He nods, cutting your rambling off. “She’s been informed. Shino is taken care off.”

Relief washes over you but that never lasts long with the trouble twins near you.

“Wait a minute.” Masashi, always the smarter one, connects the dots. “You guys are married?”

“We are. Do you have a problem with that?” Shibi’s voice is cold when he speaks, something you haven’t heard from him before.

An almost sadistic grin grows on Minori’s face and he shakes his head.

“Nah. Just surprised the Hokage thought that would be a good idea. Oh well, if one of us two dies we’ll know it’s because the princess couldn’t take her eyes off her husband.”

“You can leave.” Shibi’s voice cuts through the tension, “I’ll have no problem finding someone else for this mission. Someone more suitable.”

Masashi is the first to come to his senses, shaking his head. 

“Nah.” He slaps one hand onto Minori’s shoulder. “We’re good. We’re good.”

Twenty minutes later Konoha lies far behind you.

Shibi has all of you moving at a breakneck speed and soon, the ‘terrible twins’ fall behind. 

You don’t really know how you keep up, your focus narrowing on just the next tree and the tree after that.

When Shibi stops, you don’t notice until you slam right into him, cutting your chin on the rough exterior of his gourd. He doesn’t move and the impact throws you back, the only thing keeping you from falling off the tree is Shibi himself, who grabs your arm.

“Why did you stop?” You ask, breathless and embarrassingly wheezy.

“Your Chakra signature has started to fluctuate. Are you alright?” 

You wipe the blood from your chin and focus again, your hand glowing with Chakra as you move it across your body only to let out a heavy sigh.

“I’ve started my period.” You explain lowly, hoping against all odds that the terrible twins are still way behind you.

Shibi tenses immediately, much to your surprise.

“I’m fine.” You tell him. “I just burn out quicker. Can I take a quick break, though?”

“I’ll keep watch.” He speaks stiffly and you can’t fault him for that. He’s spent four years without a woman in his house and who knows how involved he was with that business before.

You assume that he means well, but the cloud of Kikaichu following you as you make your way over to a few narrow bushes makes you feel like he’s watching you instead of whatever enemies the forest hides.

Rushing through the task you climb back up the tree minutes later.

“How long until we set up camp?” You ask. “Have we located them already?”

As it’s an A-Rank Mission you got only a slimmed down version of the mission briefing in the scroll Kazue gave you. 

What you do know is that you’re following a group of Kiri-Nin who’ve been suspects for months. Only now they’ve given Konoha a reason to hunt them down - they stole sensible documents.

“We’re making good time. We should come close to their camp in about three hours. We cannot attack before sunrise though. Why? We know that at least one of the Shinobi is weaker in the light, using the darkness to their advantage.”

“Three more hours?” You squint at your watch in the low light of the moon. It’s pretty unnecessary, your exhaustion alone is telling you that you’re already way past midnight. 

You pull a pillbox out of your bag and flick the lid open, squinting at the content.

“What is it?” Shibi steps closer.

“Just Soldier Pills.” You explain and successfully spot the version that’s a little bit weaker than the regular version. 

You don’t want to be awake for three days straight. One is more than enough.

“Why are you looking at them?” There’s a weird undertone in Shibi’s voice and you look up at him. He’s standing with his back to the sky, his face covered in darkness.

“I was trying to pick out the version I make for myself. It’s a bit weaker than the regular ones.”

“Why are you looking at them?” He repeats, again with that weird undertone. 

“You can pick up Chakra Signatures. You should be able to tell why I need them.”

“I’ll carry you.” 

You laugh at the absurdity of it.

“I am perfectly capable of making the distance myself. It’s your speed that’s giving me trouble. But I will be fine. There’s nothing wrong with Soldier Pills.”

“Yes there is. Hiding your exhaustion behind stimulations is not the way to go.”

“Shibi.” You’re deeply annoyed now. “I am not a child. Furthermore I am a Medi-Nin and qualified to tell you if these things are bad for you or not. I’m pretty sure almost every Shinobi in our ranks has taken them at least once by now. What’s gotten you so riled up?”

He’s quiet for a while.

You’re not sure why you wait for his answer instead of just popping one of the pills and getting this all over with.

Eventually, he speaks.

“You do not like being away from Shino.” He starts and moves his head slightly, his glasses reflecting the moonlight for a moment. “Neither do I. It makes me worry more. Is he alright? Did I prepare him for everything should the worst happen? I have not thought about the possibility of worrying about you but now I find myself wondering if I am a good team lead if you need stimulants to keep up with the mission.”

“How about a compromise?” You can hear yourself say. 

“You can carry me until we set up camp - under the requirements that no one sees or hears about that, ever - and I’ll save the soldier pill for when it’s really necessary, in case of a fight or an emergency. I know what I’m doing with them, I even make them myself, but if it will ease your mind, this would be an arrangement I’d be comfortable with.”

“It’s acceptable for me as well.” He agrees. “I’ll let Ohta and Ota know which direction we’re moving in.”

Only when you’re on his back, arms slung around his shoulders and your nose buried in his hair, you realize how idiotic this compromise is.

You might conserve energy through this, but he’ll tire out much faster if he has to carry you for three hours.

If Shibi has realized that as well, however, he does not show. 

And you might not know him that well yet, but you’ve already realized that he’s stubborn.

Finding another compromise might take you hours.

-

It speaks for your exhaustion that you doze off almost immediately and need a few seconds to orient yourself when you wake up with your nose pressed into his hair.

“Shibi?” You ask, struggling to move out of his grip. “What’s going on?”

“We’ve located them. They’ve set up camp and I’ve called Ota and Ohta to pick up speed so that we can rest before attacking them. Why? We’re up against someone who’s strongest in the darkness. We will use the morning light to our advantage.”

You nod. “I’ll set up camp then as well.”

He opens his mouth to disagree but you stop him with a hand on his elbow.

“Shibi.” You put as much emphasis as you can on his name. “I am fine. I am a Chunin, not a child.”

He doesn’t respond to that, just gives you a tense nod and you make your way down the tree.

Overhead you hear the rustling of leaves and the telltale sound of someone approaching through the treetops. 

You can’t see them but you can hear them. Minori is cursing under his breath but Masashi’s the one addressing Shibi.

“Can you call back your bugs? We got it the first time, you don’t have to push and pull us here.”

“We should attack.” Minori sounds restless. “They’re only three, we could take them down easily, they’re only Kiri-Nin.”

“No.” Shibi’s voice is filled with so much authority you can feel it even down here on the ground.

“Where’s the wifey?” Minori asks, followed by the sound of a slap and him cursing softly. “What was that for?”

“It’s Aburame-san, idiot.” But there’s a teasing lilt to his words that tells you he’s going to give you shit later when Shibi isn’t around to hear it.

“She’s setting up camp. You should get down as well. I will take the first watch, we still have some time before sunrise. Why-”

His sentence is interrupted by a rumble you can feel in your bones.

It’s the only warning you get.

Even though you’re immediately on high alert, the attack comes out of nowhere. 

You barely dodge the blade moving towards you and can feel the faintest sting on your cheek where it cut you. Down here where the moonlight barely reaches you, you have to act on instinct instead of sight, especially when a well-aimed kick against your flashlight renders it useless.

You throw your shadow at him, glad that no matter how many training sessions you’ve missed in the last weeks, your Kekkei Genkai does not lose its strenth. 

The guy curses in your hold and you move slowly, step away from him to bring distance between you before you reach into your belt and bring some light into the situation.

The lighter, an old heirloom from your maternal grandfather, hisses to life. It gives only the barest of lights but you can see the face of his attacker.

“Release me.” He spits at you. 

“Why would I?”

“My friend might show you mercy if you do.” 

“Is your friend the one who has the scroll on him or is that you?” 

He curses again and you lower the lighter to check how he’s holding his weapon before you attack.

You leave him bound to a tree, unconscious and relieved of any weapons. 

The others must have moved further away during the attack and you make your way up a tree to look for them.

What you find is a crater. Big enough to fit a house inside. 

You swallow your nerves and move away from it, following the line of trees that have been cut in half.

After all these years as a Shinobi, the darkness isn’t scaring you any longer. But the Silence does.

There’s no sound of fighting, nor the movement of fleeing feet. Not even the animals make any sound as you move, faster and faster. 

At one point you cave and pop a soldier pill, hoping against all odds that you won’t need the extra Chakra. You tell yourself that this is how it will play out. You wide awake back at home because the others have already won the fight and the cut on your cheek is the only thing in need of healing.

But then you find the body.

-

The legs are the first thing you see, the right one covered in blood, the pant leg shredded.

It’s the standard uniform pants of the Konoha Shinobi and you hurry forward, heart lurching in your chest.

Please don’t be Shibi, please let it not be Shibi. You pray silently as you move, ears strained for a waiting enemy.

It’s Masashi.

“What happened?” You’re dropping down next to him, getting to work immediately.

One Shadow Clone appears next to you, keeping watch for any attacks as you assess his injuries.

His left side is sliced up badly and he’s lost a lot of blood. 

But he’s still conscious.

“There are two of them.” Masashi croaks. “One of them uses the darkness like a knife. We got a few good punches in but he’s too fast.”

“I captured the third one.” You tell him. “He did not have the scroll. Do you need something against the pain?”

“I’m good.” He huffs but his face is pale and you press a different pill against his lips.

“Chew this. You lost a lot of blood and I need you up as quickly as possible.”

“Missing your husband already?” He jokes.

“I’m thinking of Minori.” You snap back angrily and he shuts up immediately.

-

You have to move slowly, you and your shadow clone supporting Masahiro on either side. 

Above the trees, the sky is slowly getting brighter and you pray that morning comes fast enough.

At some point, a cloud of Kikaichu finds you, curling around you like a hug.

“What’s he doing?” Masashi asks, clearly disgusted by the tiny little bugs crawling over his and your skin.

“He’s checking us for injuries, I think. If he can spare this many Kikaichu, he’s captured the attackers.”

Shibi meets you halfway.

Next to him, carried on another cloud of Kikaichu, is Minori.

His face is pale, his clothes painted red.

You know he’s dead before Shibi speaks the truth into existence. 

-

Coming home from a mission gone wrong is always the hardest part.

Masashi refuses to take a break, refuses to let anyone else carry Minori. 

It’s almost noon when you arrive at the gates, the guards blanching at your appearance.

Masashi and you are covered in blood, even Shibi’s coat spreckled with it.

The walk through the backstreets of Konoha is quiet.

The Hokage offers you the tired compassion of a man who has seen this too many times to care. Reports are to be handed in tomorrow. 

As Medi-Nin of this team, Masashi is still under your care and Lord Third orders you to take him to the hospital, Shibi staying behind for questioning.

Masashi, usually loud and annoying, is quiet. 

He’s quiet when he moves, quiet when you order him to strip off his blood-stained clothes in exchange for a hospital gown.

You’re afraid of what’s hiding behind this quiet, too much of a coward to ask him how he’s feeling. 

The two of you were never friends, more of the contrary.

But losing someone is always hard, no matter how much of a dick you’ve been before.

-

Shibi finds you outside of Masashi’s room, checking his charts one last time.

“You’re not hurt?” He asks and you feel his eyes moving across your body.

“Just a scratch on my cheek.” You point to it. “It’s healing already.”

He nods. “Let’s go home then. Why? Shino will be waiting.”

You open your mouth to remind him of your rotation when Kazue rounds the corner.

“Oh good, you’re here. You have the autopsy shift today and we got notice that we need to look for poisons in some bodies.”

She offers you a clipboard and you begrudgingly stretch out your hand to take it, only for Shibi to push it back towards Kazue.

“Shibi?” You ask, surprised.

“She’s not working today. Why? She’s been at work for over 24 hours.”

“That’s not my problem.” Kazue snaps back in her usual fashion, not realizing that she’s not talking to one of her subordinates but a Clan-head.

“It is now your problem.” Shibi’s voice is as cold and cutting as a Kunai. “If you cannot take care of the ones working under you, you won’t have people working under you for long.”

“Is this a threat?” She bristles and he nods.

“Aburame-san will be back at work tomorrow.” He tells her and leads you away with a hand on the small of your back.

There’s a remark on the tip of your tongue, but you make the conscious decision not to open your mouth. It’s the second time you see Shibi act like the Clan Head and respectable Shinobi he is. As his wife, you’re supposed to follow him and if he’s willing to take on Kazue, you’re sure as hell not going against it.

Chapter Text

You don’t speak on the way home.

He wonders how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking about.

His own mind can’t stop circling around the sight of you, your hands red from blood, your eyes wide open.

He’d never thought about being on a mission with you, let alone one this difficult.

If you hadn’t been able to rest, if you hadn’t been on the ground when they attacked, if you hadn’t been able to counter the first attack, conveniently being attacked by the weakest member of the enemy team, you’d be dead.

He’s done the math.

The only reason Masashi is carrying home Minori’s dead body and not yours is because of sheer luck and the fact that you let him carry you.

He doesn’t want to think about it but he cannot stop thinking about it, his hive angrily buzzing inside of him.

If only he could read your mind, know what you’re thinking or tell how you’re feeling about it.

.

“Do you think I’ve gone too far?” He asks when you step through the archway, your house coming into view. 

“With Kazue? I’m not sure. I could have kept working. It’s not the first time I’ve done it.”

“You won’t do it again.” The words slip out of his mouth before he even realizes that he’s said it. Shame floods through him when he sees the furrow of your eyebrows. 

He barely remembers when he last lost his self-control like this and he can instantly tell he could have worded it better.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Shibi bites his tongue, searching for words to convey his feelings only to come up empty-handed. He knows what he wants to convey but how can he phrase it that you will understand?

You wait for him to open his mouth and where he’s usually thankful for your patience, he feels now pressured by it.

Some of his Kikaichu reappear to tell him that Shino is in an awful mood and his mother would not mind taking a break from babysitting.

Shibi sighs. “I regret to inform you that Shino is taking too much after me. He’s holding a grudge.”

“A grudge?” 

“You will see.” He gestures towards the house but you cross your arms instead, sending him a pointed glare.

“As soon as we go back in, Shino’s going to want all my attention and you’re going to conveniently disappear. Say what you want to say. I can take it.”

He furrows his brows, trying to decipher your words.

How do you feel about Shino’s need for your attention? Was that annoyance in your tone?

You accuse him of disappearing, do you think he’s not a good father or do you want him to be around for your own sake as well? Do you want to spend time with him?

His mind reaches your last sentence when you take a step forward and move your face up, giving you the perfect angle to stare right into his eyes.

“Talk to me, Shibi.”

“You could have died on this mission.” The first sentence slips out on accident and he can feel it loosening his tongue. But he’s better than this. He’s got the self control of an Aburame.

“We should go inside.” He clears his throat and turns towards the house. “Shino is waiting for you.”

“Not just for me.” You correct him and he nods, unable to look back at you..

-.-. Airi -.-.

Shino refuses to speak to you. 

Shibi refuses to speak about what’s bothering him.

The use of the soldier pill has left you both exhausted and riled up, hungry but too nauseated to eat.

You’re barely able to stomach some of the lunch Chiasa has prepared and when Shibi asks if you want to lie down, you agree easily. 

Up in your room, the walls seem to suffocate you. 

You open your windows and put your head out to smell for the rain that’s sure to come today.

The stone wall separating the compound from the street is not far and you can see the trees of the Inuzuka compound behind it, it’s former lush green now a mix of yellow and red. 

A longing swells in your chest, the need to be where you’ve always felt most at home.

Your left leg is out the window before you’ve finished the thought and you hesitate only for a heartbeat, your right leg following suit.

You don’t leave through the archway but swing yourself over the narrow stonewall, your mind already mapping out the fastest route home.

A part of you almost wavers at the thought. Where is your home, you wonder, but you catch yourself and move forward anyway.

It doesn’t really matter what you call it. When you swing yourself over the stone wall surrounding the Nara compound, you know you’ve done the right thing.

The fawn that had taken a liking to Shino joins you on your way to the heart of the forest until a light rain sets in.

This deep in the forest, there’s not much light getting through the trees. 

At this time of the day and the rainclouds swallowing the last bit of sun, it’s almost as dark as it was tonight. You can’t help yourself, your mind wanders back to it, adrenaline already pumping in your blood.

It had happened so fast. Just thinking about it, your hands form the signs, your shadow flowing into darkness of the forest, connecting to it. 

You release it and force yourself to walk on.

At some point, you start to cry. You wipe away the tears at first, laughing at yourself for mourning a person you’ve never liked. Your laughter turn into sobs and your tears mix with the rain until you let gravity do the rest and you sink into the wet, moss covered floor.

You let your body be heavy, let your mind sink with you into the ground.

Closing your eyes you listen to the beat of your heart, marvel at it’s power.

You’re alive. You’re thankful but you feel guilty, you’re glad but you feel ashamed.

Minori had been a Jonin, known for training every single day.

You barely made it to Chunin, happy if you remember to train once a week with all the other stuff going on.

Once, during your times at the Academy, Minori had looked you in the eyes and told you that you had inherited all of the Nara’s laziness but none of their genius. 

You’ve never been able to disagree.

Maybe, if they’d picked a different Medi-Nin…

At that thought, you pull yourself up until you’re seated. You’ll not allow your mind to go down that road.

You might not have the Nara’s genius but you have your determination, a trait that has kept you going year after year now.

It’s not going to fail you now.

A noise makes you turn your head. 

Shikaku’s favorite stag is looking down at you with warm, intelligent eyes. He lowers his head and you loop your arms around his neck, allowing him to pull you up.

.

Shikaku’s sitting on his porch as you step out from beneath the trees, the stag still by your side.

“Tea?” Shikaku pours some without waiting for your answer..

You take your seat next to him and fold your hands around the warm cup.

No one talks for a while.

“If you want to come back home…” Shikaku starts eventually, pushing one of his Shogi pieces forward. You glare down at the board instead of his face.

“It’s harder than I expected it to be.” You admit. “But it’s not Shibi or Shino that’s the problem. It’s me.”

“Huh.” Shikaku taps one of your pieces, urging you to play.

You heave a sigh and move the one he had tapped. 

He moves one of his own.

For a while there’s no other sound but your breathing and the clacking of shogi pieces on the board.

You have no idea what you’re doing, just move them around on a whim.

“I might need to retire.” You tell him eventually and take a sip of your tea, burning your tongue. “I shouldn’t go on missions when I don’t have time to train.”

“You could make time to train.”

You huff. “I hate training.”

“You’d miss the missions.” He taps the board again. “You lost.”

You huff again. “You could let me win at least once.”

“You wouldn’t learn anything that way.”

Three Kikaichu land on your knee and he eyes them curiously.

“Is that a sign or just the fact that you smell like Aburame now?”

“No, those are Shino’s Kikaichu. They have a more blueish tint to them than Shibi’s.”

“Look at you, already a bug expert.” He sends you one of his lazy grins. “Made your decision?”

“Yeah…” You look down at the board and back up at him. “Thank you for listening.”

“Anytime.”

You get up to leave but there’s still something swimming around in your chest.

“You’ve been on missions with Shibi before, right?” You ask, eyes locked on the trees in the distance.

“Hmm.” He agrees and moves the Shogi pieces back to their original position.

“How was he? Did you ever have him as a leader?”

“Sure.” He nods and moves to look at the same trees you’ve been staring at. “To put it simply, he never underestimates an opponent. Not ever. I don’t know if that’s something that all Aburame do but it has saved our asses more than once. He wants his orders to be followed and he does not allow carelessness. I think he’d rather be called an hardass than to leave a colleague behind.”

A heavy weight settles in your stomach, followed by the slightest pinch just above your left knee.

You look down at the Kikaichu crawling over your skin and chuckle softly.

“I should get going. Shino wants me home.”

“Come by again. I’d like to play against Shino.”

-

When you slip back into your bedroom, Shino’s sitting on your bed.

“Hey.” You approach him and to your relief he looks up, no longer refusing any and every contact to you.

“You did leave. Why?”

“Our mission did not end well.” You tell him openly and take a seat next to him.

A trail of Kikaichu starts walking up your legs and you offer them your hand to walk onto, a silent offer to Shino as well. He moves closer, knee knocking against yours.

“Why did you have to leave?”

“As Shinobi we have to be ready to fight whenever we are needed. We cannot plan when that is.”

“I don’t like it. Why? I want you to be with me.”

He moves closer, his ankle crossing yours.

“I understand that and it’s a good thing that you’re telling me openly..” Your left hand softly rests on his back, you feel the warmth of his skin through the heavy cloth as he pushes back into it. “I don’t like it either.”

His head snaps up, surprise evident on his small face.

“But you are still doing it. Why?”

“Come closer.” You tell him softly and he moves, swings one legs over yours until he’s perched on your knees, holding onto your arms as he gazes up into your face.

“One day you’re going to be a Shinobi too.” You remind him. “And you’ll figure out that it’s not a nice job. There are parts of it you might enjoy but there are others you will despise. It’s like beekeeping. I know you love when the bees fly around you but you hate when you have to work with the honey. Why do you do that, though?”

“It is used for medicinal purposes and the rest is sold.”

You nod, your finger brushing hair from his face.

It’s ridiculous how much love you’re already feeling for him. 

He’s so smart and yet so naive, trusts you so much when you feel like you can’t trust yourself.

“We do it for other people. Do you see the little cut on my face?” You point to your cheek.

When he nods your hand lights up green with Chakra, his Kikaichu crawling closer with his curiosity. You move your hand over your cheek to reveal it unblemished.

“I can heal. Other’s can’t. If I had not gone on this mission, another Konoha Shinobi would have died. How can I stay home knowing that I can change something?”

“Will you always come back?” Shino asks and your eyes burn at the question.

“I don’t know Shino,” you tell him, your voice cracking, “But I know that I’ll always try my hardest.”

“Why?” He asks and you know he asks because he wants you to say it, not because he doesn’t know yet.

“Why? Because I want to see you everyday of my life.”

He allows you to pull him closer, resting his head on your chest only to mutter with indignation: “You are very wet.”

-

When you walk down the stairs fifteen minutes later, Shino is firmly attached your front, his legs crossed behind your back as you carry him. His head rests on your shoulder as he tells you about his day.

Shibi’s at the kitchen table drinking tea and you send him a smile that’s supposed to convey gratitude and calmness.

“I’d like to bake something.” You propose when Shino takes a break to sort through his conversation topics. “If Shino wants to get down he can help, but if he wants to stay up, maybe you’d like to lend a hand?”

“I don’t want to get down.” Shino declares, trying to cross his hands behind your back for emphasis as well. 

Shibi gets up from his seat instead, face as passive as possible on him.

“If I can help, I will.”

In the end, Shibi has to do most of the tasks, as you can only use one hand at a time and even that range of motion is limited.

Shino falls asleep about ten minutes into the process, his body heavy on your chest.

It rouses a memory in your mind and your mind supplies the words to it.

“They needed someone at the orphanage.” You hear yourself say and can’t stop the flow of words coming out of you, the story alive now, craving to be told. “Right after the Kyuubi attacked. I’ve often volunteered there in my spare time and I was young and unmarried, yet, so they called me in. He was so tiny, yet feisty and he clung to me when I carried him like this. I taked Jurou into adopting him as soon as we got married.”

Shibi’s looking at you, the dough in front of you forgotten for the moment.

“I think that kept me alive, when Jurou died, because there was this boy that needed me. He did not care that my face looked like it had been mauled or that I could only feed him with a bottle. He was just so happy to be held, to be loved.”

You stare down at the dough through your tears, force yourself to move.

“You have to knead it a bit more.” You tell him, your voice heavy with emotion. “We can transfer it to the baking sheet soon.”

“What happened?” Shibi’s voice has never sounded as warm as it does right now, like a blanket that’s been draped over your shoulders.

“Turns out,” You’re interrupted by a hiccuping sob. “Turns out there’s a law. You can’t adopt an Jinchuriki because it would upset the power balance of the village.”

“Naruto.” 

You nod, swallowing down another bout of tears. Your period is sure turning you emotional today.

“Yes.” You say, sounding almost breathless. “They wanted me gone as soon as I asked but there was no one else who was willing to look after him. I had to stop as soon as he was about three years old but by then I knew that Iruka was looking after him.”

Shibi is quiet as you wipe your eyes and instruct him on how to put the bread into the oven.

As soon as the ovendoor closes behind it, you clear your throat again.

“I’ve been thinking about the mission.” You tell him. “And I know I’m not a great Shinobi. I still can’t believe sometime that they made me Chunin with how little I get to train. I just…” Your voice breaks again as a fresh flood of tears runs down your face and your arms tighten around the still snoozing Shino. 

“I don’t want to leave him.” You admit, your nose pressing into the mess of his hair before you look back up at Shibi.

“If you think I should quit the missions I will do it. I trust your opinion.”

Instead of answering he steps forward and pulls you into an embrace, Shino safe in the middle of it.

“I heard what you said to Shino. I’ll ensure that you’ll always come back.”

-.-.- Shibi -.-.- 

Shino does not want to go to bed today.

As a father and Head of the Clan he’s supposed to be strict in his orders but Shibi can’t make himself send the boy to bed.

Especially when he’s not sure who needs it more, Shino or you.

Instead they drink tea and play Shogi, with Shino and you playing as a team.

The sight warms his heart because it is clear that you have neither interest nor care for the game but your hands are wandering, smoothing down invisible lines in Shino’s shirt or braiding tiny braids into his hair. 

Eventually, he falls asleep on top of you, Okito cuddled against his legs.

“I will carry him up.” Shibi offers.

You stand with him, following up the stairs to press one last kiss on Shino’s forehead.

There’s a whisper of jealousy in his chest, a hint of something he does not like in his mind when he watches your closeness.

How can it be, that it’s so easy for you to love Shino but not him, when everyone tells him that they are so much alike?

He knows why. Loving a child is different from loving a man.

His heart still lurches when your hand brushes his, yet another sign that you’re growing comfortable around him.

“We will train tomorrow.” He tells you as the two of you clean up the living room. “I want to assess your skill level.”

You heave a sigh but nod.

“Very well.”

You kiss him goodnight as usual and he wonders what is worse: To have you kiss his lips instead of his cheeks and not feel it or to have you kiss his cheeks for eternity.

Is it worse to have you physically but not emotionally or not to have you at all?

He does not sleep well that night.

-

Shino has brought Okita with him like a living toy, the cat is more interested in its surroundings than its owner.

Their personal training field is huge, laid out for the usual long-range attacks of the Aburame Clan. Today they will be training in something different.

You don’t lunge at him like an inexperienced Genin and at first it's just the two of you, toeing around each other, waiting for the other to strike.

Eventually, you strike, and he regrets his decision to train with you right away.

He’s fallen in love with the tender side of you, the one that cares and nurtures.

But there’s another side to you, one that’s fierce and fearless and it makes his breath catch in his throat, his Kikaichu thrum with anticipation.

When you manage to throw him onto the floor, your hair a messy halo around your head, your chest moving with rapid breaths, he thinks he needs to get some space between the two of you.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

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“Mom.” You find yourself back in your house, Shino in front of you.

“Shino.” You blink. “I’m okay.”

He doesn’t look convinced but lets you get up from the Couch.

Your knees are wobbly and you could use something to eat, but otherwise, you’re fine.

Torune is sitting stiffly on a pillow not far from you.

“Hey, Torune.” You keep your voice soft as you kneel down next to him.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.” His voice is as stiff as his posture.

“It’s okay to be sad.” You pull Shino closer to you and he lets you, leans into your touch and looks over at Torune, a boy he’s only learned to know as strong and talented.

“I need to stay strong.” Torune whispers. “I need to be ready for the burial.”

You stretch out your hand, wanting to touch him, to comfort him. Torune moves back on instinct, brows furrowed now.

“Don’t touch me. It’s dangerous.”

“Okay. I’m sorry. No touching, I promise. Do you… Want to eat something?”

Torune looks at you in silence for a long time before he nods slowly.

.

This is where Shibi finds you. 

At the kitchen table, making Onigiri with the boys.

Your eyes find his. Even with his eyes hidden behind sunglasses you can see how affected he is by the sudden death.

“Sit.” You point at the chair on your left. “Eat.”

He doesn’t object, his body falling heavy into the chair. His arm meets yours as he moves to grab an Onigiri, his shoulder barely grazing yours.

But you push into the contact, hope that he understands.

You’re here. Ready for him to lean onto you should he need to. 

Now that Shibi is by your side, it feels like you can take a breath, can take a step back.

.

Shino and Torune are quiet, but it’s not the awkward silence you’ve seen when Shikamaru comes around. Shino doesn’t seem uncomfortable, not confused by the grief.

Instead he leans in almost eagerly, watching Torune work with steady hands.

Torune’s stiff limbs seem to warm under Shino’s attention. He gingerly offers one Onigiri to the younger boy, blushing faintly when Shino bites into eat with a nod of thanks.

You smile and look back at Shibi, surprised to see him nodding into the direction of his bedroom.

“One minute.” You tell the boys and get up, following Shibi up the stairs.

.

“Torune’s mother died shortly after he was born.” He relays calmly to you as soon as the door of your bedroom clicks shut behind him. “His closest relative is his grandmother, who was my mother’s cousin. She’s willing to take him in, but age hasn’t been kind to her and Torune’s type of insect isn’t easy to handle.”

“So we take him in.” You offer and Shibi halts completely.

“What?” He asks, voice suddenly hoarse. You must have taken him by surprise completely.

“I’ve been in his shoes. Having someone taking him in is far better than what most kids experience but just handing him over to the closest relative can go really wrong really fast.”

“As the Clan head it’s my responsibility to look after him,” Shibi starts but doesn’t end his sentence.

You look at the room in front of you then back to him.

“He can take my room.” You offer. “We can take him in.”

“Airi.”

“Isn’t that why you asked me up here?” You ask back. “You knew how I think about the topic.”

“Naruto can’t come over. Why? Because Torune cannot be touched. Skin on Skin contact is deadly with his kind of insect. Shino is well aware of it, but other children his age might not understand.”

You swallow thickly and nod. “I understand. I can still help Naruto in a different way, but… Torune needs us now. Unless there’s someone else you think would be able to give him a home?”

There’s a beat of silence before Shibi shakes his head.

“But are you really… okay with sharing my room?”

“Are you?” You ask back, surprised to watch a faint blush appear on his cheeks.

-

The burial is held at night. It’s hard to tell in the dark but it seems like every member of the Clan attends it, holding a candle up to pay respect, as Shiruko’s body burns.

A few of the poisoned bugs have been taken off him, quarantined for further examination, but all the others, Torune’s and Shiruko’s alike, burn in the flames, to dangerous to keep alive.

Torune stays at your side and no one seems to question it.

When Shibi comes over to stand next to you, you lean into him.

His body, warm and strong, is like an entirely different fire, licking up your skin. 

You’ve never been so aware of him as you are now, knowing that in a few hours, you will share a bed with him for the first time.

But before that, you take the boys to bed.

Shino’s so tired, he falls asleep in your arms just moments after you started telling him a good night story. You tuck him in and press a kiss to his temple, relieved that he seems so unaffected by what’s been going on. 

He’s not shown any jealousy toward Torune once, shared your attention amicable like you’ve never seen before. 

“You’re the best boy,” You murmur into his soft hair, heart swelling with affection for him.

.

Torune’s wide awake in your old bed, the few belongings he brought over fitting in your night stand.

“Here.” You pull a Quilt from the closet and spread it over his legs. “This is my present to you.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a blanket that my mother made for me when I was little. My parents died when I was about your age.”

“Why do you give it to me then?”

“I want you to know that you’re loved. So much. The whole Clan is watching out for you. And… because we can use it to cuddle.”

Torune cocks his head in confusion. “How?”

“Well, if you wrap the Blanket around you, I can hug you without touching your skin. So I gift it to you, to use it wisely.”

Torune rubs the fabric between his fingers, falling quiet.

You settle on the chair next to his bed, watching him patiently.

“I’m going to sleep now.” He points out eventually. “Are you going to stay here until I fall asleep? Like you did with Shino?”

“Do you want me too?”

He looks away for a moment.

“It’s okay if you want to. It’s also okay if you don’t want to. Two things can be okay at the same time.”

“Five more minutes?” Torune asks and you nod with a smile.

“Sure. Do you wanna hear a story?”

“Yeah.” 

“Alright, settle in then. You comfortable? I’ll tell you the tale about the little bear and the moon.”

You wait for him to curl into the sheets, his gaze intense on you as you smile, recalling the story your father told you so many times before, every time you felt sick with worry about them going on a mission.

“There was once a little bear, who was friends with the moon. He was about your age and just as smart too…”

-

“The kids are asleep.” You tell Shibi when you step into his room.

You have been in here before, moving some of your stuff into his drawers.

Some of the shyness you had felt right after the wedding takes hold of you, but you force yourself to keep going.

This is Shibi. You know him. You might even love him.

“Do you want to sleep closer to the wall?” He asks, putting down the book he’d been reading at his desk. Even now he’s wearing his glasses. 

You wish he’d pull them off, the longing for it so sudden and strong, it surprises you.

Your hand twitches with the need to pull his glasses off his face, just so you can see his eyes again and you turn away from him to bite into the soft inside of your cheek.

“Airi?” He asks and you take a shuddering breath. 

“Where do you sleep?” You ask, keeping your voice steady.

“I’ve slept near the window before. Why? It was simply easier.”

You smile, his usual way of talking setting you at ease instantly.

“I’ll sleep closer to the wall then.” 

You move, grab your sleeping attire and change in the bathroom, press your temple against the cool tile to combat your thoughts. It doesn’t help much.

-

“Hey.” You’re on your side, hands folded under your head in the hopes that it will keep them from Shibi. “How are you feeling? About Shiruko? And today?”

He’s settled in bed, sunglasses still on, posture a little stiff like you know him to be.

Shibi sighs. 

“I am not sure.” He admits finally. “How are you feeling?”

“Weird.” His eyes flicker to you and you send him a small smile, still itching to touch him, to see his eyes. “It feels like it’s been a week instead of just one day. I’m glad Torune seems to be relatively okay for now, and so is Shino, but I’m worried. To be confronted with Death so early…”

“It’s a testament to the growth of your Village that they’re not fighting yet.”

You swallow around the unsaid words. “Yeah.”

Silence falls over you. At some point, Shibi seems to think that it’s time to sleep as he turns off the lights.

You hear him move, guess that he’s removing his glasses now, at least.

The urge to touch him is so strong now, it makes you jolt.

“Are you-” He asks at the same time you speak. “Shibi?”

“Yes?” 

“Could I touch you?”

“Of course.” His voice is smooth, but it carries some worry.

You lean forward, your eyes straining against the dark. Your fingertips find his jawbone and you can feel him tense under your touch. But he doesn’t move away and you pull yourself closer.

Your thumb ghosts over his cheek, the slight stubble around his jawline, finds the line of holes under his eyes. 

“I miss seeing your eyes.” You whisper, unable to stop yourself. His cheeks warm under your touch and you realize that he’s blushing.

Something tickles your fingertips and you realize that some of his kikaichu have moved out from beneath his eyes.

“Hey little guys…” You whisper in greeting, almost missing how Shibi’s breath catches at your words.

“Could I…” You swallow thickly, barely daring to say it out loud. “Kiss you?”

Instead of words, his hands find your shoulders and hold you steady. 

For one terrible moment you think he’s stopping you, but before you can speak again his lips touch yours.

It’s the softest of all touches, his lips barely grazing yours and you move to return the kiss instantly, your mind flooded with all of him.

Shibi smells good, so distinctly him that you think you’d notice it everywhere, even without the nose of an Inuzuka. His lips are dry, but not chapped and his hands, big and warm, are cradling you close.

You dig one of your feet into his blanket, find his and graze your toes against the underside of his foot, giggling as he jerks away in surprise.

“Sorry.” You can’t stop giggling. “Are you ticklish?”

“Don’t tell.” You move to follow him, not willing to let go of him yet. Not when it feels so good to be so close to him.

“Never.” 

It’s quiet for a moment, a comfortable Silence that you hate to break but he’s too far away for comfort.

“Shibi? Can you kiss me again?”

-.- Shibi -.-

Shibi wakes with your face pressed against his shoulder, your legs tangled with his, your arms slung around his midsection. You are holding onto him just as much as he’s holding onto you. 

This is new. New for the two of you, new for him entirely. Zoka had always had trouble sleeping and more often than not she’d slept in a separate room so that he would not disturb her sleep. And even when sharing the same bed he’d kept his distance out of respect, knowing how much she feared his Kikaichu.

You do not seem to share that sentiment.

Still, he calls back the Kikaichu that have escaped him in his sleep. 

They tell tales of exploring the soft skin of your neck, of tasting the edges of your Chakra. 

His Kikaichu are curious about you, consider you a part of him just as much as Shino even with how little they still know.

.

You move when he does, eyes blinking against sleep trying to pull you back under.

“Shibi?” You ask, your voice as soft as your skin. You hold onto him with a strong grip. “Where are you going?”

“Go back to sleep.” He asks. “Why? It’s still early.”

“Are you leaving?” There’s something in your voice he cannot translate into words. But it sounds like he feels, needy for your affection, but unwilling to admit it. 

“I’m meeting up with Kenji and the others. If we want to catch the one who did this to Shiruko, we’ll have to act fast.”

You lean in and press your lips to his. He can feel the emotion simmering beneath the gesture, too much to decipher in the short time he has.

His hands are in your hair, holding onto you like he’s drowning and you’re the shore, as he kisses you back.

It’s only when his Kikaichu remind him - painfully - that he needs to go, that he pulls back, breathless and dazed. He can’t look at you, overwhelmed by the response of his body to you but you pull him back, press your temple against his shoulder.

“Come back safe.” You urge him, allowing him to hide his face in your hair.

“I will.”

-

“What’s your favorite fruit?” Shino’s voice rings loud and clear through the house as Shibi steps inside.

“I love pears.” Your voice answers calmly but there’s an edge to it that keeps him at the door, listening intently.

“I am named after them.”

“You are?” That’s Torune, his voice a little deeper and lower.

“Yes, the name Airi is written with two Kanjis. One means favorite because I’m my parent's favorite child and one means Pear Tree. They planted one when I was born because my mother loved the fruit so much.”

“Where’s that tree now?” Torune asks as Shino interjects with a rundown of the insects that love pears. 

You wait patiently until Shino has exhausted his knowledge about pear-loving insects before answering Torune.

“It’s still in the garden of our old house. When my parents died I moved out, just like you did.”

“Would you recognize it?” Torune is surprisingly interested in that tree, Shibi thinks, but your answer distracts him from that thought. There’s that edge again, this time it’s more pronounced. You sound like you’re just short of crying.

“I carved my name into the bark when I got my first kunai. I’d recognize it everywhere.”

Before you can say more, a Kikaichū crosses Shibi’s path and he clears his throat, intent on making himself known before Shino realizes he’s already here.

“I’m home.” He calls out. “Where is everyone?”

.

It’s not a conscious thought until he lays awake at night, unable to forget.

He should be thinking about other things. the slow going process of gathering information, the possible suspects responsible for Shiruko’s death, the fact that he’s going to have to leave tomorrow for who knows how long…

But somewhere on the Nara residence is a tree that means something to you. Something you had to leave behind not because you wanted to but because you were forced to as a child.

He slips out of bed, careful not to disturb you, and leaves the house.

All he wants is to find the tree, that’s what he’s telling himself.

But when he finds that the tree is infested with Pear Psylla, clearly not properly cared for, his Kikaichū get to work.

.

You don’t rise when he gets back into bed but he wakes up hours later - much too early for his liking - when you get out of bed.

He keeps his eyes closed to give you privacy but his ears are way too sensitive not to hear you gasp when you look out the window.

“That’s not-” He can hear you turn, unsure if he should open his eyes under your gaze.

“Shibi.” Your voice has that edge to it again and he blinks to look at you. Tears are already forming around your lash line. “Did you really-?” Your voice breaks and he nods wordlessly.

You don’t need more, already spinning around, rushing out of the room in your sleepwear.

He follows after you as quickly as he can and passes Shino and Torune playing quietly in the living room.

“What’s going on?” Shino asks, not as quick as Torune to get up and follow the procession out the door.

The tree is at the back of the house, shielded from the streets outside the Aburame compound but placed just right - to get enough sun and to be always in view of the bedroom window.

It’s not a massive tree, it’s stumped growth a sign of a lack of care, but you’ve wrapped your arms around it, sobbing into the bark.

“Why is Mom crying?” Shino asks.

You turn around with tear-stained cheeks and a smile.

“I’m sorry. I always cry when I’m happy.”

“You’re happy?” Torune’s voice is full of disbelief. “Why?”

“Why? Because this is my pear tree! Come, see!” You usher them forward, showing them the crude drawing in the bark.

“How did it get here?” Torune, always the voice of reason, is not done with his questions, while Shino is already examining the leaves in search of insects, carefully balanced on your shoulders.

“I found it and brought it here,” Shibi explains and you turn to look at him, an emotion in your eyes he hasn’t seen before. It’s warm and all-compassing, like the first sun in spring.

He doesn’t want to leave. Not now, not when it’s like this. 

But when you press a little closer as he hugs you goodbye, he knows that you’ll be okay. Torune’s a steady presence by your side, watching everything with careful eyes.  

“Stay safe.” You tell Shibi, words heavy with emotion. “Please.”

“I will.”

Chapter Text

You’ve shared a bed for only two days now, and it’s ridiculous, but you cannot fall asleep.

Shibi is missing, it’s as simple as that. 

And it’s not just that you want to kiss him, because you want to, constantly if possible, but the loss of his quiet presence is unsettling.

Toshiko doesn’t seem to be worried about Kenji’s absence, but she’s also not a Shinobi.

And she’s preoccupied as well, sending the boys into the garden to play to pull you into the safety of her kitchen.

“I’m pregnant again.” She tells you, voice filled with warm excitement. “We’ve been trying for a while now and I’m so happy it worked, but could you… take a look? I don’t want anything to happen now that we’ve got this far.”

She’d been pretty young when she had Muta and you understand her worries, appreciate that she came to you. Work does a lot in keeping your mind occupied.

And there’s a lot to do, just as Shibi had foreseen. 

-

Hisoka, for example, is just about ready to give birth, her belly swollen.

“A few more days.” You conclude after you’ve taken a closer look. “But the boy is healthy.”

She’s not the only pregnant member of the Clan. And not the only one in need of your help either. 

Shino doesn’t seem to mind that there’s a constant buzz of people coming and going. He’s content to stay by Torune’s side as long as you’re close by.

-

Two days after Shibi’s departure, Yori knocks on your door. 

You’re a little surprised to see her, and not in a pleasant way. Breakfast is on the stove, Shino is chasing after the cat and you’re supposed to be at Hisoka’s in an hour to check on her.

But Yori is not just your grandmother, the woman who raised you after your parents death, she’s also a clan elder and respect is all but etched into your bones.

“Come in.” You say after a moment of silence. “I’ll make tea.”

She inspects the rooms she walks through, a habit you’ve always hated about her. 

“When’s the last time you cleaned this room?” She points out, like you expect her too, dragging a finger through the dust on the windowsill. “It’s filthy in here.”

There’s no point in arguing here, so you bite your tongue and prepare the tea, plate breakfast and step out of the kitchen long enough to hand it to Torune, beg him to consume the meal in the living room for once and make sure that Shino’s out of earshot.

“Is this how you treat guests?” Yori asks when you come back in, arms folded in front of her. “Leave them alone in the kitchen?”

“The children-”

“Children are there to be seen and not heard. They can live without breakfast for a day. Haven’t I thought you properly?”

You bow your head and serve tea, serve it with slices of apples because you know she likes them. She still admonishes you. A host has to have cookies at hand, treats that are made freshly every day. It’s a good thing you didn’t bring out the chocolate, because she comments on your weight next as you fold your hands in your lap and endure it.

“I spoke with Shikaku.” She points out when the apple slices are gone. “You’re a disgrace to the Clan with how you’re acting. I expect you to bick your duties back up at the hospital.”

“I-” You dare to speak up but she silences you with a look.

“Don’t forget who you owe this opportunity too. You’d still be unmarried and unwanted without my interference. I put in a good word for you. They’ll take you on without questions and you can work up to your delivery date.”

You swallow your comment at that. It’s better for you if she thinks you’re pregnant.

“Well, I’m off.” She gets up from the table. “I was supposed to drop this off with you.”

She hands you a scroll. You recognize the shape and pattern, know what it is before you open it.

“A mission? I cannot take-”

“Have you forgotten your duty?” Yori might be smaller than you, wethered by age, but she’s always possessed power in her eyes, her stare mightier than any sword. If it’s a Kekkei Genkai you’re glad you didn’t inherit it.

“No.” You answer quietly, bowing your head. There’s a spark of something in you, a flame of hope and devotion licking up your spine. You don’t dare to look up into her eyes as you speak, but you dare to speak.

“It’s just- Shibi is on an important missions, and my children-”

“They are not your children.” Yori’s words are like ice water, dunking you under until you’ve lost sight of the surface.

“I expect you to take that mission.” She leaves after that, leaving a tremor behind, a shiver that runs over your body like you’re freezing even though the sun is warm outside, especially for a winter day.

-

Shino cries when you pack your things, digs his feet into the ground when you move toward the front door. 

Torune is frozen and you can’t blame him. He’s just lost his father, Shibi’s gone and you’re about to leave as well.

Chiasa is quiet, a watchful presence from the safety of your kitchen.

You don’t know wether she’s pleased or not with your departure. 

“Hey.” You grab Shino, pull him up and into your embrace, let him hide his snotty face against your neck. “I won’t be gone for long. I promise. I will come back.”

“I don’t want you to go.” He whines. “I don’t-”

“I know. But I’ve got to go. I love you.”

“I don’t.” He untangles himself from you in one swift move, drops to the floor and leaves for his room. You cannot go after him, there’s simply not enough time.

“Torune.” You turn to him, your heart heavy. “I will come back, okay. I promise.”

He nods, swallows thickly. You’ve never wanted to hug him close more than you do now.

“Shibi should be home sometime today or tomorrow.” You recall his plans. “Chiasa will look after you. Everything will be fine.”

“You should go.” Chiasa points out from the kitchen. 

Torune steps forward, drops something into your hands. “Good luck.” He whsipers. “I’ll look after Shino.”

You peer down at the assortment of medicine he handed you. Green pills for poison, capsules filled with purple powder for blood loss. Tiny yellow things that thwart infections, one of the biggest dangers after cuts or broken bones.

-

The mission is straightfoward.

There’s word of a delivery, a scroll snagged from Ishigakure, said to be transported to Yugakure, or possibly Kirigakure.

But it seems you’re not the only one’s who heard about the thievery.

You run into a group of Kiri-Nin first, lose one member of your team instantly. Reduced to four, you stay close to Iruka, who’s the youngest.

“Regroup.” Your team lead decides when the other team splits up. It might be a cowardly thing to do, but it’s more important to get that scroll than to prove to some Kiri-Nin that you can best them in a fight. 

“Aburame-san.” Iruka stays close as you race through the forest. “Should you really be on this mission?”

“Should you?” You ask back, watch him pale under your gaze.

It’s a wild goose-hunt after that.

There’s at least another team out there, you suspect from Ishigakure, because you stumble upon dead Kiri-Nin’s with no time to examine them. Whatever’s in this scroll must be important and you curse whoever thought it was a good idea to put two Chunin - you and Iruka - on a mission like this.

You manage to get a hold of the scroll once, but loose it soon after in a fight that’s essentially a blood bath.

You’ve long lost track of time from the hours you’ve spent awake and the distance you’ve travelled. You’re pretty sure you’re no longer on familiar ground, lush forests having given way to naked rock and deep caves.

Iruka’s got a nasty cut on his arm, pulling the bandage closed with his teeth. Your team lead is worse for wear, blood trickling out of his mouth as he tries to speak.

“Don’t speak.” You order him, the decisions you have to make are hard enough. You can’t save both of your teammates, must choose between Daisuke, a thirty-year-old Jonin with no children or Akane, a 25-year-old who had a son last year, went back to work two weeks after birth. You’d done a check up on her, couldn’t remember her name until she reintroduced herself but the swell of her toddlers cheeks. He’d been cute, big eyes and bushy brows. 

The rules are pretty clear for a situation like this. 

The team lead is more important than a single team member. All of your lifes combined is less important than fulfilling the task at hand.

But you cannot stop thinking about that toddler, his big eyes looking up at you, not at all scared of your eye. You push yourself up and to her side, examine her situation.

They’re both critical, won’t survive without at least half your Chakra poured into them.

“Help me.” You order Iruka, pop a soldier pill and empty a capsule each into both of their mouths. You cannot bring yourself to defy orders, but you cannot bring yourself to rob a child of its mother even less.

“I should go back out.” Iruka realizes as you’re working, shivering in his boots. “We need- the scroll… I-”

“If you got there alone, you will die. What would I tell Naruto?” You ask him, your voice unnecessary harsh as you can feel your Chakra drain. 

Akane, coughs weekly under your care. She hasn’t gained consciousness ever since you dragged her into the cave. Her kid’s called Rock Lee, you remember too, looking more like his father than his mother.

Daisuke dies under your hands. You wonder if you could have done more for him if you hadn’t tried to save Akane too. She’s much more stable now and you lean back to catch a breathe, replenish yourself as much as you can.

Iruka’s looking up at you, his face so pale it reflects the moonlight.

“When I die…” He says, voice unnaturally hollow. “When I die, Naruto will mourn me.”

“Of course he would.” You sidle up to his side, mistake his shock for something else. “He loves you.”

“I wanted to kill him.” He whispers. “When I went to the orphanage for the first time. I’d spent years mourning my parents, plotting revenge for their attackers, until someone mentioned it in passing - that it hadn’t been someone from outside like I was made to believe, but someone from within. That the murderer was allowed to live in Konoha, unharmed.”

You freeze, fear choking your heart.

“But he was so small.” Iruka’s heart cracks. “He was just a little kid. And they left him alone in his room with nothing to play but his blankets and a stuffed toy that was clearly made by someone with no crafting talent.”

You shiver. You had made that toy, painstakingly learned how to sew until the lump resembled some kind of animal. A frog, perhaps, for the only fabric you could find had been a vibrant green. You wonder briefly if he still has that toy.

“He’d been so happy to see me. And I couldn’t bring myself to tell him why I was really there. And ever since then I just came back, again and again, hoping I’d bring myself to revenge my parents. But I’ve let them down, haven’t I?”

“Were your parents kind?” You ask, your voice quivering.

“Incredible so.”

“How could you let them down then, when all you’re doing is being kind too? Naruto never chose to be a Jinchuriki. He just wants to be a child.”

His elbow knocks into yours. You realize what he’s doing a little too late, but you don’t pull back when his hand takes yours. 

“What are we supposed to do?” He asks. “We cannot come home without the scroll.”

You press his hand as a eery calmness washes over you.

“Stay with Akane.” You decide. “I’ll take a look.”

“But, it’s dangerous-”

“I promised to come back alive.” You say. “I intend to keep my promise.”

-

It’s an inherent Nara trait, to be able to walk in the shadows, unseen and unheard. At least that’s what your father told you when you collected subpar marks for weapon handling and the likes, but excelled in sneaking around the house, always able to get the last piece of cake your mother had put to the side for later.

It comes in handy now, decades later.

Not far from your cave you find another team, beaten and bloodied.

A woman is trying to save her comrade, hands caked with his blood as she uses chest compressions to keep his heart beating. She’s not a medic, you realize at the same time you recognize the scroll attached to her hip.

It’s probably a trap, you think, even though she’s hidden away in yet another cave, not out in the open. But it would be too easy, especially with your shadows, to capture her and get that scroll. Nothing’s been too easy on this mission so far.

“I’ve noticed you.” She presses out. “Take one more step and I’ll obliterate you.”

“But that would mean you’d lose him.” You point out and notice the way her brows tighten and her spine straightens at the prospect. So she cares about her team members.

“Like you’d save him. He’s just scum to you.”

“Would you be willing to give up the scroll if I saved him?” You offer.

“How could I trust you?”

“I’m married too,” you point out, guessing correctly. “Two kids that want me back in one piece. Is that enough for you?”

“What are their names? How old are they?”

“Shino’s turning five in two weeks. Torune is eight.”

She huffs, considers it, before she nods and releases whatever Jutsu she had prepared.

You make sure to walk slow and calm even though your heart thunders in your chest.

“I’m a medic.” You point out as she eyes you, back to doing chest compressions. “I cannot promise you anything but my best, but it will be more than what you’re doing.”

“Just get on with it.” She snarls as you kneel down on the other side of him, your hands above his sternum.

He’s severely wounded, but his heart is in one piece.

“Keep doing what you’re doing,” you point out, pulling Torune’s gift out of your bag. You empty the last of his blood loss capsules into the man’s mouth before getting to work.

“His stomach ruptured.” You point out. “And his spine is damaged. He might not be able to walk without crutches.”

“But he will live.” She summarizes when you breathes on his own, when his heartbeat is strong under her hands. There’s a relief in her eyes that is palpable. It transforms her face, makes her suddenly recognizable.

You know her, deeply so. She’d been on the team that night you lost your fiancé and your looks. She seems to recognize you too, throwing herself over her comrade as if to shield him from you.

“The scroll.” You point out with teeth that seem to stick together. “As promised.”

She blinks up at you. “You’re not going to get revenge?”

You shake your head. “I’ve never been keen on revenge, even right after it happened. I just wanted to understand… why it happened, I guess. Why it had to be him instead of me.”

“We didn’t-” She starts and stops, as if realizing how it sounds. “We didn’t aim for him, if that’s what you thought. They gave us this new weapon and told us to use it. That’s all it was, just a mission-”

You nod curtly, can’t listen to this any longer.

“The scroll.” You repeat. She nods, releases another Jutsu that you had anticipated and hands it over.

“Don’t follow me.” You point out and she grimaces.

“We’re not the ones you have to fear.”

Chapter Text

The track back to your cave isn’t long, but you have to tread carefully. The shadows seem alive around you, the darkness a beast, intent to swallow you whole.

You barely have any Chakra left when you leave some shadow clones scattered around the area, slip into the cave in the hopes of going unnoticed.

Iruka’s welcoming you with wide eyes, voice skittish. 

“Where were you?” He asks. “Akane’s not doing good.” 

You lean over her. She’s gotten a fever.

“I found the scroll. It took me some convincing to get it.”

You take one look at him, calculate the chance of someone attacking tonight.

“Get some rest.” You tell him. “I’ll take care of Akane. You’ll have to bear the brunt of any attack if it happens and we need you at your best.”

He doesn’t object, but you doubt he’s resting well, with danger licking at his heels and a dead comrade by his side.

Akane’s fever breaks two hours later and you allow your eyes to close - not to sleep, but to take a breathe and listen, to replenish your Chakra the best you can. It will be a difficult trek home. You’re not safe yet.

-.- Shibi -.-

He’s never been more glad to see the familiar walls of Konohagakure. 

His gourd is strangely light on his shoulders, his Kikaichu decimated to the point that they all fit inside his body. It’s been a long time since he felt this empty.

“Ah, I’m looking forward to get home.” Kenji mutters, looking as exhausted as Shibi feels. “Toshiko’s not been feeling well lately. The pregnancy is freaking her out a little.”

“Has she talked to Airi?” He asks but is interrupted by his own Kikaichu before he can elaborate. His brows furrows and Kenji watches him with observant eyes.

“Everything good?”

“Hisoka has given birth. They’ve been waiting for our return to start the rituals. It seems to be a healthy girl.”

“Oh, that’s good.” Kenji laughs. “Hisoka was hoping for a girl. But you’re worried. What is it?”

“Airi isn’t home. Let’s check in first.”

“The Hokage-”

“The Hokage can wait.” Shibi orders curtly. Kenji follows him quietly.

-

His mother is working diligently at the kitchen table, teaching Torune how to fill capsules and press dried herbs into little pills.

Shino seems to be working on something similar, still clumsy in the way he handles the tools that are a little too big for him. It has always been his mothers approach to let children get acquainted with work as soon as possible.

Shino looks up, recognizes him and stubbornly lowers his head again.

Ah. It’s like that again.

Torune, however, jumps from his place at the table, draws as close as he dares to.

“Hello, Shibi-san.” The boy greets him calmly. “I’m glad you came home safely.”

“How was the mission?” Chiasa asks, eyeing him carefully. “How long will you have to stay put.”

Her question addresses the obvious lack of Kikaichu and he puts his gourd away, takes the few steps to the table and offers his hand to Shino who considers it for a second, before taking it, pressing his face against his arm for a second.

“Where’s Airi?” Shibi asks, directs the question at his mother.

“Left for a mission two days after you left. She’s supposed to be back today.”

“A mission? Why?”

“There was an aunty.” Torune points out. “From the Nara-Clan. She came in the morning and Mo- Airi had to make tea for her. She gave me breakfast and told me to eat with Shino in the living room and not come into the kitchen while the aunty was there.”

“It was the mean one.” Shino points out. “I tried to defend myself against her once and Mom didn’t like it. She’s very mean.”

“Who is?” Shibi asks. Shino looks up at him, blinks once as he recalls the name. “Yori. Mom called her Yori.”

Ah. He’s going to have to do something about that. Talk it through with you as soon as you’re back.

“I’ll have to meet with the Hokage.” He points out, notices how Shino immediately pulls away, hiding his pout behind his collar. “Is there anything special I should buy for Airi returning home today?”

“Chocolate.” Torune points out quickly. “There’s hardly anything left.”

“Pear Flavored Candy.” Shino comments now too. “But I want to buy them for her. I didn’t say goodbye.”

“That is a good idea. Mother, will you take them to the store after this?”

Chiasa eyes him for a second, clearly debating if she should allow him to spoil the kids. But she nods in the end. 

-

You do not return that day. 

Shino had been hopeful when he went to bed, Candies set out on the kitchen table as a way of greeting for when you returned..

But you don’t come home that night.

Shibi can’t even blame his son for the mood he’s in the following day, cranky and skittish.

He’s on strict rest to regain his Kikaichu as fast as possible, but he still takes the boys out for a long walk around the compound before dropping in with Hisoka for a visit. 

She asks after you and he swallows around the lump in his throat as he tries his best at a calm, reassuring voice.

You’re fine. He’s made sure you’re capable of defending yourself.

He still would have liked for you to be present at the ritual. You’re usually so interested in all things Aburame and he would have loved to explain the intricacies of it. How the bond between human and bug starts and how it is maintained.

He supposes that there will be another time for this, especially considering that Toshiko is pregnant as well, but still - he misses you.

The next day, Shino’s foul mood has turned into something even more devastating. 

He hides for the better part of the morning, does not eat breakfast and only comes out of hiding when Okita needs to be fed, demanding for him to move.

“You are upset.” He points out as Shino hides his face in his father’s coat.

Torune watches him over his cup of tea, face equally torn.

“Shino did not say goodbye.” Shino whimpers at Torune’s words, but allows Shibi to lift him up.

“I said I do not love her. Why? Because I did not want her to leave!”

“I understand.” Shibi holds his son close and opens his arms, a sign for Torune to step closer as well. He does so carefully, leans into the hug as best as he can. 

“You’re Shinobi. You have to understand that each mission could be your last. We should always consider that our words  will be parting words.”

“What did you say when you left?” Shino asks.

“I told you all that I would stay safe.”

“Mother said that as well.” Torune remembers. “She promised she’d come back.”

“She’s not one to break a promise.”

-

Two more awful days pass. 

There are no news of your mission status, no matter who he asks. 

He drops in with Shikaku, explains the situation as best as he can.

“I wasn’t aware of that mission.” Shikaku shakes his head. “I thought she would start working at the hospital again. Yori was pestering me about it. She probably could have dropped out if she asked for it, especially since you were away.”

“Not if Yori asked her to do it.”

“Ah.” Shikaku nods slowly. “So you’ve noticed the power Yori holds over her? I mean, you owe that witch your marriage, in a way, but I would advise you to keep out of her way.”

“How are you talking about an elder?!” Yoshino yells from the kitchen.

“I’m just being honest! You don’t even like her yourself!”

A strange feeling takes hold of him as he watches them fight.

It won’t leave him, not when he excuses himself a short while later, nor when he stops in front of the house he knows Yori lives in.

How would he act, if confronted with that woman? 

For a moment, as quick as a heartbeat, he considers the possibility of your death.

Its implication surges through him like lightning, leaves his hive buzzing in panic.

He forces the thought away immediately, cannot allow himself to pursue it further.

But its impact lingers. Your absence is too obvious.

It’s in the way Tsume’s voice is only half as loud when she talks to him. In Mikio bringing over Sakura to keep Shino occupied. It’s in Naruto’s eyes when he passes him on the street. The boy is searching for someone and he cannot fault him for that one bit. Shibi’s searching himself.

-.- Airi -.-

Your right foot has not stopped hurting for hours.

Your pretty sure your ankle is sprained and it does not help that you’re supporting Iruka’s weight with your right side. He’d taken the brunt of your last fight and it’s a testament to his quick thinking that he not only made it out alive but managed to draw the fight closer and closer to the borders of the Land of Fire. 

It’s been days since you’ve got the scroll. You’re always on the move, living off whatever you can find. Today it’s been a type of moss you recognized as edible, a very skinny rabbit and as much water as you could possibly drink. 

“As soon as we cross the border, we can send out a Messenger Hawk.” Akane grinds through her teeth. She’s still awfully pale, tires easily in fights, but she’s doing her best. 

“Not yet.” You shake your head, the pain in your ankle intensifiying when your foot knocks against a stubborn branch. “We cannot stay put just because we’ve crossed the border. I don’t think the other Shinobi care that much about the border anyway.”

Akane glares at you. There’s something like respect in her eyes, but she’s not giving it to you lightly. It had been hard for her to accept that not only did you, a Chunin, procure the scroll she failed to get, but that you also called the shots since Daisuke died. 

Jonin pride is something you’ll never fully get.

“When we get back.” She points out, taking her time to talk just like you, preserving her energy as much as she can. “You will get promoted to Jonin.”

“I’d rather not.”

Her head snaps around.

“Why not?”

“Why would I take a slightly higher pay just to have a higher chance at getting killed every day?”

“You are obviously skilled enough to be a Jonin. We need more Jonin. Would you really be this selfish? What about serving your country?”

“What is it with you people that you think serving your people means to offer yourself up to get killed?” Your voice has turned sharp. “I understand that the life of a Shinobi is a short and dangerous one. I understand that we serve to keep those alife who cannot fight. But I shouldn’t have to fear for my loved ones every single day because the teams are small to save money and they send Chunin’s out on missions that require Jonin.”

Akane’s mouth has turned into a thin line. She is not a friend of you, no matter how many times you’ve saved her life on this mission and your words are dangerous if taken out of context. But there is something that the two of you have in common.

“I am a mother.” You say with conviction. For a moment you see Yori’s face in front of you and you repeat it with vigor. “I am a mother. It is no longer my sole duty to serve my country and die a honorable death. It is now my duty to keep these boys safe and to make sure that when the time comes and they’ll have to go out, they know how to stay alife. I serve the following generations and not those who came before me.”

“I agree.” Iruka coughs and blinks. You check his vitals quickly but he’s doing good. Well, as good as he can with two broken ribs and a lot of internal bruising.

“Every time I go out on missions I don’t know if I’ll come back. And I want to do my best, but I will probably never make Jonin. I just don’t have my parents skill. But I… I think I am… good with kids. Naruto-”

“You should be a teacher.” Akane speaks like it hurts her to pull the words from her mouth. “Both of you. If you cannot see yourself out in the field for much longer, you should teach the following generation. Because you have skill, obviously. Otherwise you would no longer be alive. I’ve seen you fight.”

Iruka laughs and you wonder if he’s got a fever as well.

“I’m a poor Orphan who failed his first Chunin exam. They will never let me become a teacher.”

“They will. I have an idea.” A shiver runs down your back. “But we need to find cover now. There’s someone following us again.”

-.- Shibi -.-

Four days after you should have returned a search party leaves Konoha. 

Tsume is on it, as well as Kenji. They have nothing to go off but the original mission instruction and their Kekkai Genkai.

Shibi longs to be part of that search party, but even without the fact that he’s missing half of his Kikaichu he cannot bring himself to leave his boys behind.

Only half an hour after the search party has left the village there’s a sharp knock on his door.

He opens, surprised to find Kakashi, no Anbu mask in sight.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes. I’d like you to appoint me as a secondary Search Party.”

There’s a moment of silence. None of them speak. 

Somewhere behind Kakasi another figure appears.

“Me as well.” Might Guy declares with too much enthusiasm for a topic like this. “Asuma and Kurenai want to come as well, they are currently packing their things.”

“This is a nice offer.” Shibi steps outside and closes the door behind him. “But the first Search Party is very well suited for this mission. Enthusiasm alone will not make your talents match those of an Inuzuka or an Aburame.”

“We have information-” Kakashi starts but is interrupted by Might Guy who grabs his friends shoulder like his life depends on it. “My friend here-” “Rival.” “My Rival here has vested interest in the return of Iruka Umino. I myself have gotten pestered by the young Rock Lee about the whereabouts of his mother. We want to help and we might just have gotten information that the original Search Party lacks.”

Shibi turns to look at Kakashi who’s doing his best at looking as bored as possible.”

“Explain yourself.”

“It is about the child.” Kakashi presses out. “I have promised my Sensei that I will look after the Child. You have probably noticed that Naruto has been looking for Iruka.”

Shibi fights back a sigh. “Very well. Let’s take a short walk and discuss the matter.”

-

It’s not a small sum that he has to pay to employ four high-class Jonin - one of them still mostly part of the Anbu - on a second Search Mission. He doubts they will have more success than the team made up of Shinobi who are trained for Search and Rescue. But if there is something he can do, no matter how small, he has to do it.

Chapter Text

-.- Airi -.-

They have been able to escape multiple times, slip out from under their grasp at the proverbial last second, but they’ve also been running in circles. 

Whoever is following them is as stubborn as an Inuzuka. 

Your foot is almost useless by now. The pain is so intense that it brings tears to your eyes when you cannot avoid putting weight on it. Iruka can mostly move on his own, if a little short on breath. Akane looks so pale she’s practically glowing in the growing darkness. They are in need of a resting place for the night, preferably one where they will not be found.

As they burrow themselves in a narrow opening beneath the roots of a giant tree, rain sets in. It’s the last thing they need on their already awful day. 

Their little nook is damp and cold, water drips in from too many places to count. 

Akane has first watch and you huddle into the corner, intent on getting the most of the few hours you have. Something crawls over your neck and you pause, fighting down your instinct to fling it away. It’s probably not one of Shibi’s bugs, but you’re training yourself to adapt to all kinds of bugs, to be gentler with them. You offer your hand and feel it crawl onto your finger. You cannot see anything in the darkness, so you tell yourself what color you want it to have.

If only it would be one of Shibi’s. If only it could lead you back to him, or lead him back to you.

“I want to go home.” You tell the bug, whisper it as quietly as you can. The rain swallows the sound but not the feeling of the insect lifting off your finger. It does not return.

-

“Wake up!” You’re shaken awake. Your ankle screams in pain when you sit up and grab your things. It’s still pretty dark outside, and you grab Iruka’s hand so that you don’t get lost. Akane must be at the front. The cold rain wakes you up sufficiently, soaks through your clothes in minutes.

Somewhere above you, lighting strikes. You duck your head instinctively but there’s no thunder. Again, another bolt of lightning and no thunder.

“Is that-” You ask as you stumble over roots. “It’s Kakashi!” Iruka yells back. “Akane recognized him just as we were about to be attacked.”

Kakashi. You have no idea how he got here, and just in time too, but you have no time to ask. The ground moves under you and you stumble, lose your hold on Iruka’s hand. 

Your head smashes into something. You pull your hands up, ready to defend yourself when you realize you cannot get up again, your right leg useless under you.

There’s not enough light to see, the rain swallowing almost any noise. You try to use your shadow, see flashes of steel, and then, suddenly, a warm, furry body right in front of you.

“Need a ride?” Tsume’s grin flashes in the eerie light of Kakashi’s lightning. You’re so relieved you could cry and maybe you do, the tears mixing with the rain pelting your face.

-

Kotetsu and Izumo are on guard when you arrive at the gates in the morning. You sure are a sight to see. Eight Shinobi have been sent out to find your team and the three of your five-person cell that remained alive.

You wonder what is in that scroll that it warranted such intense fights. You will probably never know.

All you want is to rest, to lay in your own bed, preferably with Shibi on one side and the kids on the other. Forget what happened. Play pretend, just for one day.

But this is Konoha, a village built by and for Shinobi.

Death is honorable. Injuries are inevitable. It’s all part of the job. 

You’re ushered to the Hokage tower because none of your injuries are life-threatening at the moment. Sure, your leg is broken in at least one place and you have a concussion, but that’s just a normal Monday.

There’s no chance to check in on your family but at least you know that Shibi is safe and home with the kids. It had been one of his bugs, if you understood correctly, that had alerted the Search Party in the first place. You wonder if it was the one you had found on your neck that last night. Or if it had been one hidden in your hair, deciding that enough was enough.

-

“Thank you for your work.” The Third takes the scroll from you and hands it to someone on the side. That could have been done without your attendance.

As quickly as you can the three of you summarize what happened in the time you’ve been away. It’s been over a week, a time period you still cannot fully comprehend. 

“How did you obtain the Scroll.” The Third’s eyes are on you now and someone clears their throat behind you, a clear sign that you zoned out for a second. 

It’s getting harder to focus with the hammering pain behind your eyes that makes your stomach jolt every time you dare to move your head.

“I asked nicely.” 

Another awkward throat clearing.

“I wasn’t aware we had such good connections to Kiri-Nin.” Another voice points out. Your neck-hairs raise at the sound and you turn your head slightly to spot Danzo standing near the door. He must have slipped in after you arrived.

“They were not Kiri-Nin. I think they were from Yugakure but they did not wear any Hitai-Ate.” 

Silence follows your correction.

You blink against the growing fog. Your head hurts so much.

“They had been hit by another team as well, only two remaining Nin. The female Shinobi was trying her best to save her comrade’s life and I bargained his life for the scroll. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to save him, but she accepted it eagerly.”

“And who gave you the authority to propose such a bargain?” Danzo’s standing right in front of you now. You have to put your head back to maintain eye contact and another wave of nausea rolls through you, strong enough to make bile creeping up your throat. You press a hand to your mouth as you swallow saliva. Whatever you do, you cannot throw up on Danzo. 

“I did.” Someone says to your right. You don’t dare to turn your head, but you don’t seem to have to. 

“Akane was barely conscious, Daisuke was dead, so I was the next in line as Team Lead.” Iruka declares firmly. “We discussed our options and I decided that this strategy would serve us best.”

“You’re telling me that you anticipated that not only would a team of Yugakure-Nin obtain the scroll but that they’d be in need of a Medic as well?”

Danzo’s voice is filled with condescension. Iruka doesn’t falter.

“Of course not. I’m not clairvoyant. But we agreed that if it came to it, it would be a valuable bargaining chip.”

“You’ve barely made Chunin and-”

“That’s enough.” Akane’s voice slices through Danzo’s words like one of her knives does through flesh. It’s a clean cut and he stops talking immediately.

“Iruka has shown commendable use of strategy. Even after I gained consciousness I did not feel the need to take over the role as Team-Lead. While I think he’d make a fine Jonin, I’d like to see him as a teacher at the Academy, perhaps. If anyone can teach my boy how to use his head instead of his fists, it would probably be him.”

“A fantastic idea to consider.” Lord Third declares and claps his hands. “I will look into this after you’ve all submitted your reports. But I think you all need to check in at the hospital first. Tsume, would you be so kind? I don’t think they can walk the distance.”

To your left and right, people start shuffling around. Danzo’s eye is still on you, holding you in place on the lone chair someone had pulled up for you and your useless leg. 

A hand places itself on your right shoulder and you whip around, nerves still on edge. The movement is too much for you, Might Guy’s shocked face the last thing you see before you lose consciousness.

-

Your body feels heavy when you wake like someone had poured lead into your joints while you slept.

You try to blink yourself out of your daze, annoyed when the room keeps spinning. You can’t move your head, not that it would help much with how everything blurs, so you clear your throat awkwardly.

A face pops up over you, a young woman grinning down at you.

“Hello again! This is the third time you’re gaining consciousness. This time you’re in an actual hospital bed. Do you remember me?”

“No.”

“No problem. I’m Rika. I was training under you, but I changed my hair recently, so you might not remember me.”

“Hi Rika, can you tell me what’s going on right now?”

“Of course!” Her cheerfulness is almost too much for you. “We fixated your neck and treated your concussion, now we’re going to work on your leg and-”

“YOU LITTLE-” A shrill voice cuts through her explanation. You try to turn your head but fail. It doesn’t really matter. Something clatters loudly to the floor followed by the voice of a child you’d know everywhere.

“Naruto!” You can hear Iruka, his voice a little breathless. “Behave!”

“They won’t let me through!” The boy wails. You manage to grab Rika’s arm and pull yourself up, her protest falling on deaf ears.

Naruto’s standing in the middle of the busy room, snotty-nosed and dirt smeared over his face. Behind him, a nurse picks herself up from the floor that’s covered in the contents of a tray that had fallen over.

Iruka’s on the bed opposite of yours, shirt gone as two medics have their glowing hands pressed against his torso. He’s a little pale but otherwise fine.

Akane is nowhere to be seen, but your vision’s still blurry, so you could be mistaken.

“Naruto.” You try a little calmer. “Come, wait with me. Iruka’s fine, but they need to move around him and we don’t want to get in the way.”

“You look bad,” Naruto tells you plainly. “Are you going to vomit?”

You want to say no when you do just that.

-

Rika takes charge after that. The last you see of Naruto is his yellow hair burning brightly by Iruka’s side. 

Your bed moves, or maybe that’s just your head. 

At some point, the room falls quiet around you and you blink up to the ceiling to find that while it’s not spinning anymore, this is definitely a different ceiling than before.

“Where are we?” You ask.

“Surgery.” Rika smiles down at you again. “Nothing serious, but we need to set your ankle right. You won’t feel a thing.”

“Rika,” You pull on her scrubs. “My husband. Have you seen him?” 

“Oh?” She looks surprised. “I didn’t know you were married. I will ask the head nurse right after we get out of surgery, alright?” 

You suppose you can’t do anything about that right now.

But you wish Shibi was here. You wish Shino was here too, and Torune, even though you’re probably still covered in vomit and dirt and blood. 

Something buzzes above your face. You blink against the bright lights to find a single Kikaichu flying above your face. It settles on your temple and rests there and you imagine the lingering touch to be from Shibi’s lips.

-.- Shibi -.-

Hana finds him just a few feet from his door, brimming with joy. 

She’s only eleven and to be chosen by her mother to bring him the news of Airi’s arrival means the world to her. 

“I have to go pick up Kiba.” She dismisses herself straight after. “Tell Mom I did a good job when you see her.”

She leaves him with a difficult decision.

Does he grab Shino and Torune or does he leave them behind? He knows Shino won’t stay home knowing you’re finally back, but what if you’re not in a condition to be visited? 

Before he can lose himself in the what-ifs he lifts his arm and sends out his Kikaichu, just a few of them, with the mission to find you. He’d do it himself, curses his self-control that makes him consider his children before himself.

But would he be himself, the one you care for, if he’d be any different?

-

The door closes behind you just as he arrives at the hospital.

“I’m here for Airi. Aburame Airi.” He exclaims, Shino to his left, Torune to his right. 

“Oh, she’s just gone into surgery.” The nurse explains, squinting through her glasses. “Her leg’s broken and she’s got a concussion, but otherwise she’s fine. Are you friends or family?”

“Family. Why? I am her husband and these are our sons.” 

Torune blushes vividly, even more so when Shibi puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

The nurse coos. “Of course, of course. I’m sorry, we’ve had some problems with our paperwork ever since Kazue left. We didn’t even know Airi was going to be on a mission, we expected her to show up for work last Wednesday.”

“Show up for work?”

“Oh yes. But why don’t you grab a hot chocolate for the boys first and meet me back here in ten? We can go over the details then. Maybe you can do something about that mess of a child too.”

He follows her pointed finger to find Naruto sitting in the waiting room, gnawing on some kind of long gummy worm like it’s a bone.

“He came to see Iruka and wouldn’t leave.” The nurse explains with an air of condescension. “Thankfully Kakashi was still here and had the idea of bribing him with sweets.”

“Where are they? Kakashi and Iruka?”

“Iruka’s in surgery as well. I don’t know where Kakashi went, that boy is like the wind.”

“Come,” Torune says softly to his right and offers his hand to Shino. “Let’s comfort Naruto while we wait.”

“Do we have to?”

“Mom would be happy. I am sure he’s worried about Iruka.”

Shino huffs softly, lets go of the piece of his father's cloak he’d been clinging to.

“Fine. But I want to see her as soon as we can. Why? I need to give her my present.”

“I will call you as soon as she’s out of surgery.” He promises.

-

His Kikaichu alerts him minutes before the nurse even knows that you’re out of surgery. 

She’s still going over your data, explaining in neverending circles how Kazue seemed to have mistakenly left out the fact that you’re married as if that changes anything about the fact that you’re the one to be offered a position.

They probably bank on him being too relieved that you made it to care for these obvious mistakes. But he’s an Aburame. He might forgive, but he never forgets. And he might stay silent now, but that doesn’t mean he will forgive this lightly.

To offer you a position is one thing, to ask your grandmother, an elder of your former Clan, if you’re able to take it, something entirely else. 

When he gets up, the nurse looks up in surprise.

“Do you-”

“Airi just got out of surgery.” Shibi does not care to explain how he knows. “We will see her now.”

Behind him in the waiting room, Torune is quietly explaining something to both Naruto and Shino, the small boys transfixed by his story.

A shadow peels itself from the doorframe, silver hair falling over one eye.

“Hey, kid.” He points at Naruto when all three boys look up. “I was just going to get some Ramen. Do you want to come? I think there’s still some time before they’re done with Iruka. We could bring him up a bowl when we’re finished.”

“Who are you?” Naruto asks for a second, cocking his head to the side.

Kakashi falters visibly but doesn’t get a chance to explain himself before Naruto shrugs and gets up.

“Ramen is fine. You’re paying. I want three bowls.”

-

The door to your room is open. Shino’s steps falter to the point he’s dragging his feet. 

Torune’s the first one to step inside. You’re sitting in bed, a neck brace keeping your head in place but you seem to sense them, stretch out your hand as if to call them.

“Shino?” You ask softly, interrupting the medic who had been explaining something to you. “Is that you? Torune? Shibi?”

“I will come back in a moment.” The medic excuses herself with a smile, leaving them. Shino’s still frozen in place by his side but Torune steps forward and takes your hand into his gloved one, shakes it softly.

“I am glad you’re back.” He says calmly, but his voice carries more emotion than can fit in his words. 

“Oh, Torune, I missed you. The pills you gave me saved so many lives.”

“Mom.” Shino pulls away from Shibi, taking the few necessary steps urgently until he’s barrelling into her. “Mom, I’m sorry!”

“Oh, Shino, I know. I know.”

Shibi steps forward, lifts Shino to make sure he doesn’t hurt your injured leg in the process of climbing up.

You smile at him, telling him without words what he wishes he could say.

I love you. I missed you. Don’t you ever dare leave.

-

Hours later when he’s managed to take you home he carefully lifts you into the bathtub to wash off the grime. The boys are downstairs, recalling the events of today to the cat. 

“Hey.” You tell him softly, hand cradling his cheek. “How are you?”

Shibi huffs softly. “You’re asking me that?”

“Yeah. You’ve been different. Quieter. Are you okay?”

“I almost lost you.” He whispers and you respond by leaning forward, pressing your temple against his.

“I love you.” You say and he admires how easily the words seem to come over your lips. He’s been thinking it for so long, yet he can’t bring himself to voice it. Why is it so much more difficult now that he knows you reciprocate? Is it because he knows what could be? Because he knows just how fragile this is?

He pulls away first, busies himself with making sure the cast around your leg is safe from any splashing water. 

Taking care of you like this brings back memories of his first marriage. You must sense his distress because your hand finds his shoulder. That is what grounds him first. Your hands are what defines you, he thinks. Your hold is firm, your skin calloused from hard work, yet you are never harsh. 

“Stay.” You say. It doesn’t sound like a question, but he can read in your eyes that it is. You’re not demanding. 

He washes your hair, watches quietly as dirt and blood wash off your skin. He could almost convince himself that nothing has happened if he blends out the cast on your leg or the brace around your neck.

“The night we were found,” your voice is soft, does not cut through the Silence but rather pinches it, like one does carefully with a filled balloon, “There was a bug on my neck. I could not see it because it was dark, but I wanted it to be one of yours. How many did you leave with me?”

“Ten.” He recalls. “They like to hide in your hair.”

“I like that.” You carefully turn so that you can face him. “I like to have you with me.”

“I love you.” The words stumble over his lips awkwardly and he needs a moment to realize that they came from him. It’s the blooming smile on your lips that tells him the truth.

“I know.” You lean into him. “I love you too.” 

“We need to talk. About the mission.” His mind won’t let it slip. There’s still so much to consider.

“And the hospital.” You agree simply.

“Yes. And-”

“Shh.” You kiss him softly, lean further into him. “Not today, okay? Today, I just want to be home with you and the boys. I just want to love you and be loved.”

Chapter Text

-.- Shibi -.-

Shibi has always cherished early mornings. Everything feels different in the hours and minutes before the sun rises when the world is bathed in a grey light, the air heavy and light at the same time. 

He likes the morning when you wake him up, when you fail to be quiet as you get ready for an early shift. Sometimes he humors you and pretends to be asleep while you tiptoe from one room to the other, dropping a kiss on Shino’s hair or sidestepping a playful Okita.

He likes the mornings when you blink sleepily at him at the kitchen table, not awake enough to listen or to speak yet, but eager to get up with him, knowing you have the whole morning for the things you want to do.

He likes the mornings when he gets up just as you get home, when there’s no difference between good morning and good night for you and your lips brush his cheek on your way to bed.

So far he’s never been sure which kind of morning with you is his favorite.

Today he seems to have found his answer.

The world outside hasn’t woken up yet, but he’s wide awake already, his hive humming. They’ve grown slowly but steadily, suppported by his rest but held back by the uncertainty of your absence. But now that you’re back, safe and sound, they are just as eager to have you here as he is.

You’re not lying on your side as usual, but on your back, head supported by your neck brace. your plastered leg resting on a pillow. But your arms are wrapped around him, holding him close as if he’s the one who’d been gone for too long. There’s no barrier of clothing between you and he has to call back his Kikaichū multiple times. They already know you, from your chakra signature to your scent, but they respond to his emotions just as much as they do to his commands. And his need to touch you, to caress your skin and taste your warmth, does not go unnoticed by his hive. 

You’re so warm next to him, your chest moving with every deep breathe you take. Your hair is a mess under his nose. If he could stay here, unmoving, for the rest of his life, he suppose he’d be happy with it.

A single Kikaichū enters the room through the keyhole, meeting the top of his outstretched hand.

Shino tells him that he’s awake, anxious to be with you again. He sends the Kikaichū back with one of his own, telling his son that he will be with him shortly.

When Shibi moves to untangle himself from you, your face falls into a frown. He halts, hesitating. He doesn’t want to wake you, but he shouldn’t stay longer, even though he wants nothing more. Your eyes blink open as he’s still battling himself. 

“Shibi?” You ask, your voice hoarse. “What time is it?”

“Too early. You should go back to sleep. Shino’s awake.”

“So?” You yawn.

“He wants to cuddle but you’re very much naked.”

You groan but your eyes close again and he takes it as a sign to move again, to slip out of bed fully, looking for his clothes. 

Seconds later he can hear the bedsheets rustle and turns around to you sitting up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

“Where’s my shirt?” You ask before yawning again. “Never mind, just give me one of yours.”

“You should sleep.” He tells you, but his voice is too soft and he allows his hand to wrap around yours when you stretch it out toward him, reach for him like he always wants to reach for you. Your fingers entangle with his. His hive hums appreciatively.

-

Fifteen minutes later he’s making tea while Shino is curled up on your lap on the living room couch, your plastered leg resting on the coffee table.

“Do you want to nap on the couch?” You ask Shino softly. He’s grown even more in the last months, at almost five years old a heavy weight in your lap. 

“I don’t want to sleep.” He complains. “Why? I missed you.”

“I know, Shino, I know. Do you want to tell me about the bug you discovered this week instead? That will keep me awake.”

Shibi serves the tea on the little table in front of you, unsure how to fit his own tall body on the couch now. You sense his eyes roaming over the space and pat the place next to you.

When he sits, you lean back into him instantly, your head resting against his collarbone. He can’t resist the temptation and drops a kiss on the top of your head when Shino is distracted by his own story, counting down all the different species he’s learned in the last week alone.

“When did you wake up?” A voice asks from the staircase. Torune’s peering down at the three of them.

“Just a few minutes ago. Cuddle with us?”

Torune hesitates for a moment before nodding. He pulls the giant comforter you bought him from the basket in the corner, wrapping himself until there’s no point of skin visible that one of you could touch on accident. He crams himself into the space on your left and Shino stretches out his legs to rest on top of Torune’s.

You laugh softly and when Shibi looks down at you, your eyes are closed in contentment.

“This is perfect.” You hum. “My little family.”

-.- Airi -.-

When Muta comes to collect the boys for training, neither of them wants to leave.

“No, no, I understand.” You dry the tears that Shino sheds as he stubbornly insists that he needs to stay back with you. “I know you want to make up for lost time. But I need to catch up on a lot of work, take loads of naps in between, so you won’t be missing out an anything. And when you get back from training, we can make a cake together and cuddle some more.”

“Come,” Torune tugs on Shino’s coat. “You can help me train today.”

True to your word you fall asleep on the Couch just minutes after the front door closes. 

When you wake up, Okita is nestled against your side and you think you can hear Shibi in the kitchen.

“Shibi?” You ask, pulling yourself up. “Are you there?”

“I am. Why? Do you need help?”

“Yes, kinda. Can you help me up the stairs? I need to pee.”

You suppose you could tackle the stairs on your own if you had to. But you don’t have to, not as long as you have Shibi at home.

“Why do you need to rest again?” You ask through the bathroom door, knowing that he’s on the other side. “I know you told me some of it yesterday, but with the boys hanging off me and everything-”

“It’s okay. You went through a lot. We were ambushed and while we got out victorious in the end, we suffered heavy damage. Most of my swarm was killed.”

“Oh.” You say because what is there to say, really?

When you open the door again, wobbling on your good leg, nothing betrays what he’s feeling. Or so one could think. But you can tell that there’s a difference, like a quiet kind of grief for the Kikaichu that died.

“How are you feeling?” You ask, your hands wandering over his body a little more than necessary. Shibi leans into your touch until you’re fully embracing each other, him carrying your weight, you carrying his sorrow.

“Empty.” He whispers eventually. He does not explain himself but he doesn’t need to. You might never fully understand what it means to be an Aburame, but if you care this much about the ten Kikaichu living in your hair, you can imagine how he must feel for the thousands upon thousands living inside of him. You’ve seen him tend to them. 

-

At one point you find yourself back on the Couch, leg propped up. Your neck brace is getting annoying, especially when Shibi is sitting next to you and the brace is restricting your movements. 

You tell him about the mission, from Yori’s visit to the initial report made to the Hokage. 

He’s quiet the whole time, listens intently, only interrupts to urge you to drink a bit more tea.

“I’ll write your report,” Shibi says when you’re finished, dark sunglasses reflecting your surprised face. “Why? You need to recover.”

“But the report will be falsified.” You repeat. “If you write it for me, you’ll make yourself an accomplice.”

“I understand. But if you write it yourself and we will be questioned, I’m already an accomplice. You told me the truth.”

“Shibi-”

He leans forward, presses his temple against yours. “I will not lose you.” His voice is more sincere than you’ve ever heard before. You swallow thickly.

“Okay.” You nod. “I will… I will dictate you the words.”

Normally, reports are exaggerated for personal gain. One’s own role is presented as far more important for the success of the mission than it had been.

You aim to do the opposite.

While you, Akane, Iruka and now Shibi know the truth, Konoha will only ever know what you decide to tell them. It’s better this way. 

This way, Iruka can become a teacher and hopefully live a long life in the safety of Konoha. This way, you won’t become a Jonin, won’t be ripped away from your family again and again.

But there’s one thing you haven’t told any of them. Yet. 

You wait until Shibi declares the report finished. When the ink has dried and your eyes are slipping closed again, you nestle yourself against him to tell him the one thing you’d trust no one else with.

“Those Shinobi from Yugakure. I recognized them. They’d been under the attackers when… my eye was hit.” And my fiancé died, you add in your mind.

“I understand.” 

“You do?” You try to turn your head to look at him, but the neck brace won’t allow it.

“From the day we got to know each other, I’ve admired your compassion over everything else. You’re the only person I know that’s strong enough to help someone who’d previously tried to kill you. Not because you’re too weak to say no or from a strategic standpoint. You knew you’d help them the moment you realized that she cared for her companion.”

You swallow against a bout of tears. Maybe, just maybe, Shibi already understands you better than you do yourself.

-.- Shibi -.-

While he hates to admit a weakness, especially during a Clan-Head meeting, Shibi’s decided he will if it goes on for yet another hour. He’s already missed Dinner as well as Shino’s bedtime. You’re probaby crawling up the stairs on your own right now, not willing to ask Chiasa for help.

“There’s one last topic to address.” It’s Fugaku Uchiha’s turn to lead the meeting and he’s surely enjoying it. “A new teacher for the Academy. Aburame-san, do you have anything to say on this topic?”

Fugaku’s smile is less than friendly. It makes Hiashi look like he’s beaming with joy. 

“If you’re referring to the events of my wife’s latest mission, I have nothing to add to that.”

“No?” Fugaku’s brows furrow aggressively. “So your wife isn’t doing anything in her power to make Iruka Umino, an inexperienced Chunin, an academy teacher?”

“Hey now.” Takeo Lee clears his throat pointedly. “My daughter in law was the one who proposed it! I trust Akane’s judgement completely.”

“Your daughter in law hasn’t been friends with Iruka for years.” Fugaku points out, but Tsume is quick to catch him on that.

“Exactly. If Akane proposes Iruka as a teacher, it’s from an unbiased stance. Also, Akane’s a hardass. If she thinks he’s good, I’d trust him with Kiba any day.”

“I won’t let my children be taught by a Clanless Chunin!” Fugaku bristles.

Hiashi Hyuga clears his throat, effectively silencing the table.

“I propose that we vote. Everyone in favor of making Iruka Umino an Academy Teacher should raise their hand.”

“Wait.” Shibi stops before anyone can react. “I won’t vote. Why? If Fugaku is concerned that I might be biased, I will hold back my vote.”

There’s murmuring, some of the voices sounding clearly impressed by his decision.

Hiashi nods and glances at Fugaku who seems to have gotten his self-restraint back.

“Alright. Everyone in favor of Iruka Umino becoming an Academy Teacher should raise their hand.”

Even without Shibi’s vote, the decision is a clear yes. 

Shielded from the eyes of others, Shibi’s mouth quirks into a smile. He cannot wait to tell you this.

-

The house is quiet when he arrives. 

He finds Torune in the living room, petting Okita. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?” Shibi asks, fondness evident in his voice.

“Mom is upstairs,” Torune explains instead of answering his question, taking a seat with him at the table, watching him eat. “She says it’s a shorter distance to the toilet.”

“How was training today?” 

“It was fine,” Torune looks over at Okita, avoiding his eyes. 

“Really? Tell me more.” 

It takes effort to get Torune to talk. But now that he’s being listened to, the words seem to flow from his lips.

There’s training, today and the day before, the new techniques he’s trying to master and the ones he’s set his eyes on after that.

Eventually, as it always does, they circle back to Shiruko.

It’s been about two weeks since he died yet it feels like months have gone by.

“How are you?” Shibi asks, “You can be honest.”

“Mom asked about that too.” Torune rubs his gloved hand over the table. “Is it okay that I call her Mom?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” 

A soft blush grows on his pale cheeks. Torune buries his face in his arms as if trying to hide himself against the table.

Shibi stretches out his arm, rests his hand on the boy's shoulder.

“Your parents would want you to be comfortable and feel loved. You do not betray their love by reciprocating ours.”

“How do you know?” Torune asks, voice muffled through the fabric.

“When my father died and my mother eventually remarried, I had the same question. My mother told me what I just told you. Now that I am a parent, I understand. Why? If something would happen to me, I’d want you to have someone in your life, someone who loves and cares for you. And I would want you to be able to reciprocate.”

“Even Airi?” Torune asks. The words cut through him like a burning knife.

Shibi swallows thickly at the thought.

If history would repeat itself, if you’d lose him through a mission or yet another war, would he want you to find love again?

He’d never had to think about it from this perspective. He’s always been the one left behind, left alive.

But what’s the alternative? You turning into him? Scared of love, hanging onto the ghost of a person? 

“It hurts to think about,” he finally manages, “But I’d rather have her happy with someone else than have her turn away from life. What do you think about that?”

Torune hesitates.

Shibi, having picked up one or two things from you, offers him an out.

“If you need to think about an answer, that’s okay too.”

-

“Hey,” you greet him with a smile, “Welcome home.” 

Shibi leans down to kiss you but what’s meant as a quick peck on the lips turns into something longer, more urgent, your hands digging into his coat, holding him close.

He’s half laying on you, half crouching on the floor, trying his best to not put his full weight on you. 

“What was that?” Shibi asks, a little breathless when you let go of him and smooth out his hair. 

“I missed you,” your calm voice betrays the thunder of your heart.

He undresses quickly, changes into a simple shirt and trousers just in time.

There’s a soft knock on the door. Shibi opens it to reveal Torune in his sleepwear, glasses discarded.

“I wanted to say goodnight.” The boy’s hands are folded in front of him.

“Oh, no, let me take you to bed,” you push yourself out of bed and hop through the room on one leg before Shibi can fully register what’s going on, “Come on. Like I’d miss that.”

Torune’s blushing, but there’s a content smile on his face too, as he lets you lead him back to his room, Shibi in tow.

He carries you back, begs his heartbeat to stay calm when you let your head rest on his chest. 

Shibi slips into bed with you. He’s not tired enough to go to sleep yet and he can tell you’re too, but with you more or less bound to the bed, he’s content to share that sentence.

“Iruka got the job,” he tells you as you move around, trying to find a comfortable way to sit. “I pulled myself out of the vote because Fugaku thought it was my idea and I was pushing  some kind of agenda.”

“Oh, that’s great.” You’re finally satisfied, leaning into him as you sit, smile on your face. “As soon as he’s a bit more comfortable in that position, he can apply for adoption.”

“About that,” Shibi sighs as he watches your smile waver. “He can’t adopt Naruto and teach him too. But the orphanage is pretty full so I think they wouldn’t be opposed to sending Naruto off on his own.”

“At barely five years old?”

“It’s called assisted living. It’s not an adoption and in all technicality, Iruka wouldn’t be Naruto’s dad, but instead a grown-up looking out for him, making sure he’s got enough money, food and whatever he needs, living nearby in case of any problems.”

You ponder it for a moment.

“Danzo wouldn’t be able to do much about it, would he?”

“I don’t think he’d like it, but there’s not much he can do about it. I’ve looked into it, it has been a thing in Konoha ever since the first War when the orphanages were filled to the brim.”

“I’d rather have him adopted,” you chew on your lip as you think, “But I trust your judgment. We should talk to him about this as soon as possible.”

Shibi pulls you closer. He can’t help the pleased hum of his hive when you cuddle into him. You giggle. 

“Was that your hive?” You ask. “I didn’t hear them before.”

“They’ve grown bolder.”

“How are they, anyway?” You press your ear against his chest. “How much longer are you put on rest?”

“A few more days.”

“Oh.” 

“You sound disappointed. Why?”

Your cheeks turn hot, he can feel it even through his sleep shirt.

“It’s nothing.” You mutter. His hand, previously rubbing distracting circles on your back, stills. He’s still debating whether he’s supposed to ask or not when you speak up again.

“Rika came by today.” You’re not looking at him. “We just talked, but it was pretty enlightening. She’s not been at the hospital for long, but she caught the tail-end of Kazue’s tyranny. From what she’s gathered, they’re looking for someone to take up Kazue’s job. It’s less medical work and more bureaucracy, making sure that there are always enough doctors and nurses on hand and so on.” 

You pause. He can sense that there’s more to it, but you don’t open your mouth again, still hiding your face from his eyes.

“Do you want to take it?” Shibi asks, hopes that the warmth of his hands lets you know that he’ll be supportive, however you need him to be.

“I said…” You hesitate, “Well, I said… I’m not sure I could take it and that I would have to talk to you about it.” You lean back now, but even though your face is in full view, you avoid looking into his eyes. “Since I wanted to ask you… What you think about having another child…”

One, two heartbeats long Shibi forgets to breathe. When his lungs remind him, he takes a shaking breath.

“Are you sure?” His voice is just as shaky, breaking in between.

You nod, your eyes finally flickering up to his. “I mean, it doesn’t have to happen. Not now or not ever. This is a joint decision, after all. But you make me feel… loved… in a way, that I…” You fall silent again, your hands playing with the hem of his shirt, your eyes yet again unable to meet his. “If Shino’s going to start training soon and Torune’s training progresses with the same speed, why not try for it? It’s probably not going to happen quickly anyway, I’m almost thirty after all. I could go back to work until it’s time for me to take a step back and depending on what my work entails I could keep working part-time, if needed. Like one or two days a week or something like that. What do you think?”

“Are you sure?” His voice is barely above a whisper now. There’s a tone to it that he can hardly explain. He’s less asking if you want this than asking if you really want this… with him.

You seem to pick up on it because your features soften and you pull him into him. 

It must be uncomfortable for you, sitting like this, your leg still very much useless. But you don’t complain, mold yourself against him instead. 

Your hands are warm on his skin, gifting him the soft caress of a lover, not just a woman who agreed to marry him.

“What do you think?” You ask yet again.

Something loosens in him, a knot he never knew he tied up. His tongue responds in kind, telling you a secret he’d never thought would see the light of day.

“I always wondered what it would be like to have a daughter.”

Chapter Text

The change in your household is subtle yet obvious. 

Tsume smiles every time she sees you, a knowing, teasing smile that dances across her lips. So far you’ve managed to keep her silent, but you doubt her self-restraint will hold much longer.

Yori has yet to reappear on your doorstep, giving you some time to come to terms with your conflicting feelings toward her.

As a Clan-elder, you’re expected to show her respect. But, as both Shikaku and Shibi have pointed out, you’re no longer part of the Nara-Clan. 

You owe her gratitude, for bringing you up when no one else would and for arranging the marriage that has brought you so much happiness, but you no longer owe her your blind obedience. Maybe you never did.

-

Shibi has started to get up later in the mornings. 

He quite enjoys staying in bed as long as he possibly can, awake yet unmoving, holding you close until one of the boys or both start making noise.

You’ve been trying to make him see the sweet joy of taking a bath together, quietly planning a short trip to the Onsen for when Shino’s advanced training officially starts. It’s slow progress, but it’s progress.

You started working one week after your return from the mission, your leg still in a brace. It’s only two mornings a week so far and you can take Shino with you if you want, though he seems less interested in the hospital every time you take him with you.

Rika’s been a godsend, never once batting an eye when you flinch at loud noises or Iruka comes in with Naruto for a private check-up that’s mainly just a chat and a shared lunch box. 

Even Akane stops by once, her face still pretty pale.

“I heard you started working again.” She looks at your leg brace that’s peeking out from under the table. “How are you doing?”

“It’s good.” You nod at your little office. “Quiet, too. But I think I owe you a thanks. I’m sure I wouldn’t have this job without you.”

Akane shakes her head. “I didn’t do anything for you. I know your husband. I knew he’d pull the necessary strings. The Hospital can’t operate without the generous donations coming from various Clans. I’m not an expert on that matter, but I think the Aburame Clan donates quite a substantial amount.” 

You narrow your eyes at her. “I don’t believe you.”

“Then don’t. I did what I could do for Iruka. He deserves it. Tell him so when you see him next.” She gets up again. “Oh, by the way… did you take a look at the scroll when you had it?”

You furrow your brows. “No? Why would I? I don’t even know what it was supposed to be.”

“Hmm.” Akane doesn’t look convinced. You sigh.

“Don’t tell me I got the wrong scroll.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because that would be typical. Going through all the hassle of getting that scroll and then I didn’t even check if it was the right one. Not that I would have been able to make sure of it anyway with my limited knowledge.”

“Well…” Akane clears her throat. “I’m no expert either. But I was questioned about it this week. I did take a look and from what I could tell I thought it was the right scroll. But Danzo’s convinced it’s a fake.”

You sigh. “Well, there’s nothing we can do about it now, right?”

Akane nods, the movement tight. 

“Are you okay, though?” You ask. “You’re still very pale. Are you getting the rest you should?”

“Oh, yes. I’m fine. I’ve always been rather pale.” She sends you a tight smile. “By the way, Rock was asking if he could come over sometime and meet you and your kids. I told him a bit about you.”

“Oh, of course. Shino’s not that keen on making friends and Torune’s not to be touched for various reasons, but I’d love to meet him. I’ll talk to Shibi and get back to you, is that okay?”

She nods, taking one last look at you before she leaves with a wave of her hand.

There’s something strange about her visit, but you can’t put your finger on it.

Two days later you hear about her departure. All you know is that she’s sent out on another mission.

“Much too early,” her husband bemoans when you talk to him. “But you’ve met Akane.” He tells you with a smile. “She can never sit still.”

You only hear of her death a week after it has happened. There’s no more talk about Rock Lee visiting. 

-

“Have fun today,” you brush your hand through Shino’s hair, wondering absentmindedly if you’re clinging to him for his comfort or yours. “I’ve got a surprise for you later.”

“Can you come with us?” Shino asks. He’s very proud of the new coat he’s gotten, he’s told you all about it three times today.

You look at Shibi for input, but he shakes his head. 

“Today it’s just us.”

“You can tell me everything when you come back, okay?” You press a kiss to Shino’s temple. “I’m very curious. I still remember my first training with my Dad.”

“Can you tell me about it?” Shino asks. You can tell he’s trying his best to waste time.

“Sure, when you come back. Come on, give me a hug and then it’s time to go.” 

He hugs you tight, sniffles a little into your neck. 

“I’m very proud of you.” You tell him when you see him off. 

Twenty minutes after he’s left there’s a knock on the door.

You half expect them to be back already, that Shino’s stubbornness won out in the ned.

It’s Chiasa instead.

“Shibi took Shino out for training,” you explain. She nods and points in the direction of the kitchen with her chin.

“Oh, sure, come in if you need anything-” She sidesteps you and you bite back a sigh.

Chiasa is never rude, but her quiet assertiveness is sometimes hard to take. You suppose you could have worse mothers-in-law, but you often wonder what she sees in you. If she likes you or just deals with the fact that you’re here.

“Ah,” another voice calls out, sending a shiver down your back, “You’re home.”

You turn to see Yori march up the path to your house. You haven’t seen her since that dreaded mission. It’s been almost a month but you could have taken a longer break from her.

“Hello, Yori.”

“Your leg’s all healed, I see?” She asks. “Can I come in?”

Considering her usual way of greeting, that’s almost nice. 

“Sure,” you say, because there’s only Lunch to prepare today, as well as the laundry and you can’t run away from her forever, “Chiasa is here too.”

“Ah,” Yori pushes past you with the grace of a hungry deer sniffing food. “How nice. I was wondering when we could all have tea together.”

“Chiasa?” You turn toward the kitchen. “Yori is here. Would you mind having tea with us?”

“That’s not the way to ask, Child!” Yori points out. “Aburame-san, how nice to see you again. How’s your health?”

Chiasa nods instead of speaking, her dark sunglasses reflecting Yori’s forced smile.

“I’ll make tea,” you rush forward, eager to get your hands busy. “Does anyone want something sweet? I’ve made Honeyglazed Apple.” 

“I suppose it’s understandable that you’ve got a sweet tooth with your condition.”

Chiasa’s eyes flick over to you at Yori’s words. You can feel sweat forming at your collar. Right, just what you wanted. Your grandmother and your mother-in-law discussing your fertility.

“About that,” you start, unable to look one of them in the eyes, “I’m not actually pregnant. It was just a silly rumor.”

“Well, just because you’re not pregnant now doesn’t mean you won’t be pregnant soon.”

You tense. Somehow Yori’s even worse to handle when she’s trying to be supportive. All you feel is dread as you wait for the other shoe to drop.

“Maybe we could talk about a different topic,” you ask quietly, not daring to raise your voice. 

“Please speak up,” Yori orders immediately. Chiasa must have heard you, however, because her eyes are on you. You can feel her stare despite the sunglasses hiding her emotions.

“How is work?” Chiasa asks so suddenly you almost drop the teapot you just picked up. 

“It’s uh, nice.” You swallow thickly. “Plenty of stuff to do. They’ve asked me to come in two more mornings if possible.”

“Well, why wouldn’t you?” Yori asks. 

You think about the disappointment you’d felt days prior when you’d gotten your period. You think about Shino showing off his new coat he got for training. You think of Torune’s who’s going to be home in a few hours, trailing after you like a shy cat. 

You lick your lips and say something else.

“It’s going to be Spring soon enough. I need to talk about it with Shibi first to make sure I won’t leave work here unattended.”

“Sure, sure,” Yori huffs, clearly displeased by your answer, “You need to talk with your husband. But your job at the hospital is a prestigious one. You shouldn’t swap it with playing housewife.”

“No one said I was.” You point out, hurt clawing at your throat. Maybe you’d love to play housewife. Would that be so wrong?

“And don’t forget about your Clan,” Yori soldiers on. “Ayame just asked yesterday when you’d be back around. There’s no one as talented as you when it comes to her therapy.”

You blink in surprise. Next to you, Chiasa seems busy with her plate of apple slices though. You wonder if this is a test. At least on Chiasa’s side. She’s just letting you blunder on, judging you silently behind those dark shades.

But even if she wasn’t there, you’d be hard-pressed to say something.

You can’t go on like this forever, with Yori. You have to put up some boundaries someday. 

Your heart beats thunderously as you take a seat.

“Yori,” you start, focusing on a stubborn stray hair in her eyebrows to keep safe from her stare. “I am no longer a Nara. I am an Aburame now.”

“Nonsense,” Yori waves her hand around, “You’re both. That’s what this marriage was for. To bring our Clan’s closer together.”

“Maybe. But I am also human. I cannot fulfill the duties of two Clan members. I have to prioritize one. If Ayame wants to continue her therapy through me, she’ll have to see me at the hospital like everyone else.”

Yori falls silent. She has been remarkably well-behaved up until now, probably because Chiasa’s in the room with you. But how far does that self-control go?

“Are you really this ungrateful?” Yori’s voice has turned cold. Your already tense body stills completely, the muscles in your neck screaming in pain. “You wouldn’t be married at all without me, still hoping for some fool to notice you. And how are you repaying me for all the work I took on, for all the good I did for you? Just because you can play mother and wife now doesn’t mean you’re suddenly someone new! You’ve always been lazy, good for nothing, like your father-”

“Leave.” Your mouth is dry and your voice sounds rough around the edges, but there’s enough determination in the single word to stop Yori’s lecture. 

“What did you say?” She asks, her face full of surprise. Chiasa next to you is silent. Your hands are shaking, but you know you can’t go on like this. Should she be opposed to your decision, there’s nothing you can do about that but trust that Shibi will have your back.

“I am grateful. You have brought me up when I had no one else and you were the one who pushed for this marriage to be possible. But I will no longer let you treat me like a doormat. Leave. You are no longer welcome here.”

“I-” Yori’s speechless, a rare occurrence. She grabs her coat and storms toward the door nonetheless, something you’re incredibly thankful for. You don’t know how long you’ll be able to keep up the strong facade, how soon you’ll break down crying. 

“Shikaku will hear about this!” She crows and slams the door shut.

Silence fills the room after her departure. 

You can feel Chiasa’s eyes on you just as the first tears trickle down your cheeks.

“Did I do the right thing?” You ask before you curl into yourself at the table. 

Chiasa does not speak for a while, but she rests one hand on your shoulder. It’s the most reassuring she’s ever been since you moved in.

“I was the one who approached Yori,” Chiasa eventually says when your tears have dried and your hands no longer shake.

“What?” You turn to look at her, but her face does not betray any emotion.

“Shibi was very lonely. He’s still young enough to have more children and I remember how it was when my husband died. It’s easy to settle into a quiet life, but it’s not necessary.”

“But Yori said…” You trail off. It would be on brand for Yori to present someone else’s idea as her own.

“It doesn’t matter in the end. To me, at least. Shibi would not have acted on it without Yori pushing for it. Why? He does not listen to his mother as much since he’s become a father.”

“He listens to you a great deal,” you tell her and you might be wrong, but you think you see her lips twitch into something like a smile.

“You are trying to get pregnant?” Chiasa asks after a few more minutes of silence. “Right?”

“How… How do you know?”

She raises her hand to show off a few of her Kikaichu. You’ve seen them before but never up close like this. They are more of a reddish color, different to Shibi’s stark black ones or Shino’s with their blueish tint.

“There are no secrets when you’re an Aburame. If you have trouble conceiving, there is a tea I can recommend. Why? It has helped me conceive Kenji after I’ve had trouble.”

You can feel your cheeks heat at the topic but you swallow down your embarrassment and nod. “That would… that would be nice, thank you.”

-.- Shibi -.-

Shino’s hanging off him like a sack of potatoes.

Every person they pass sends him a knowing smile. They’ve all been there.

They meet Torune just shy of the front door.

“How was it?” He asks, peering up at Shino. The younger boy does not answer. Shibi suspects he’s fallen asleep.

“He did very well,” he says, a quiet pride coating his words.

Torune pushes the door open for him and there you are, hands already stretched out to welcome them all.

He could get used to this, coming home to your smiling, eager face - he could do without the dried tears on your cheeks he will have to ask you about later -  and the way you pull him in for a shy little kiss.

“I packed some things for us,” you declare, “So we’ll just have a quick snack and then leave for the Onsen.”

“The Onsen?” Torune asks, clearly confused. “What are we doing there?”

“It’s a family trip. Like a mini vacation. Come on now, I made us some salad. Does anyone want tea?”

-

You’ve already settled in the steaming water, a little too quick for his hungry eyes, laughing at the way they’re all standing there, peering cautiously into the water.

“I am wearing so few clothes,” Torune complains, keeping a safe distance from the others.

“It’s fine,” you tell him again, “I talked to Chiasa and some of the other elders. Your bugs don’t like water. So as soon as you settle in it, everyone will be fine. You can even sit on our lap if you want to.”

“Really?” Torune’s face lights up and he climbs into the pool, dipping down for good measure too.

“Do I have to?” Shino sounds less pleased at the prospect.

“How about you put your legs in first?” You offer. “You too, Shibi.”

He swallows a sigh. This is just like taking a bath, he reminds himself, just a little hotter.

As he takes a seat at the edge, legs dipped into the hot water, Torune climbs into your lap, arms slung around you like a little monkey.

“You all look really cute in your bathing trunks. I wish I could have taken a picture of you, all lined up there before. But that would be a little weird, wouldn’t it.”

Shino settles into his side. He’s tall for his age, but slender, which is often forgotten under those bulky coats.

-

Eventually, they both make it fully into the water.

But it doesn’t take long for the heat to get to them, especially Shino.

Shibi picks him up and lifts him out of the water, lays him onto the cool stone tiles.

“Everything okay?” You ask, worry in your voice.

“It will be. We’re not used to this kind of heat,” he explains. “We’ll just be taking a break.”

“Oh, you point at the paper screen door he had noticed before. “This door should lead into a small garden. Don’t stay out too long, but I guess you both will find something of interest in there.”

And you’re right. It doesn’t take Shino long to find two different kinds of beetles and one fat caterpillar who curls up on his palm as he shows it to you and Torune.

The older boy doesn’t seem to mind the heat. It’s not hard to tell that he would endure much more than a little heat if it meant being able to touch and be touched without risk.

After an hour or so Shibi slips back into the pool. 

“If you want,” he offers Torune quietly, unsure of it himself, “We can sit together a little as well.”

Torune nods shyly and climbs into his lap, folds his long legs to fit perfectly, not unlike Okita who’s spotted a new, albeit small box to sit in. His head rests perfectly on his chest and even though it breaks his heart in a new, fresh way, Shibi can’t help but think that this might be the first time someone’s got to touch him like that since his father’s death. 

And even before that… was Shiruko a man who held his son close? He doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to pry. All he can do right now is offer to be what Torune needs.

Chapter Text

Winter turns into Spring. As the seeds sprout in the ground, life does too. 

He can tell that something has changed way before you figure it out. He should have known from Tsume’s smile too, the knowing, teasing tilt to it.

“It’s a girl,” you tell him quietly one night after you’ve checked your belly, hands glowing. So far it’s hard to tell that something is growing, even less under the bulky Aburame Coat you’re wearing.

He still leans in and presses a kiss to the soft skin covering this unborn life. It’s a little cheesy and his cheeks burn when he moves back, but he can tell that you’re touched.

They tell the boys soon after.

“What are you worried about?” You ask, noticing the quick glance the boys share. 

“Where is she going to sleep?” Torune asks, voice timid.

“If we’re going to be three kids,” Shino raises his fingers, “And we only have two parents, there’s always one person not getting cuddled.”

“Those are both good questions,” you agree, “Why? Because it shows you care. For the first month’s she’s going to sleep in our room. Now for after that we have a few options. You boys could share one room or we extend the house a little. Make some space for another bedroom and an office, maybe?” You look at Shibi who nods slowly.

“We’re looking at you too for suggestions,” he explains, “You are getting older, and it’s good to practice making decisions and finding a compromise.”

“And for the second question,” you hesitate, “I guess we’ll have to cuddle each other all the time. I know it sounds a little abstract now, Shino, but you might want to cuddle your sister too when she gets here.”

Shino doesn’t look convinced, but Shibi can’t blame him. He’s gone from being an only child to being a younger brother to becoming an older brother in less than six months.

He’ll need time to figure this out. And guidance. But he has both at his disposal.

-

Spring turns into summer. Your bump becomes visible when your coat is off.

There has been no greater joy, lately, to feel it under his fingertips at night, in the mornings, when he comes home from work - casually slipping his hand under your shirt to find it.

Naruto has moved out of the orphanage by now and there are afternoons where the house is empty when he comes home, and he doesn’t have to look for a message to know you’ve went over to his place to cook and clean. 

The situation itself is not ideal. 

A five year old kid, left alone for days on end. Naruto’s endless amount of energy and tendency for mischiev is making things worse, but you ensure him that they are figuring things out. 

In a little while, you tell him at night, Iruka will have figured out this new job.

In a little while, he will have more time for Naruto after school, will have enough money to afford decent food, will have-

It’s always at that point that you hide your face in his neck, that your voice tapers out. 

Sometimes it’s hard to enjoy what you have, knowing others are missing it.

-

-.- Airi -.-

Old habits die hard.

Without the boys asking for Cuddles, you wouldn’t have a reason to sit down all day. There are the Aburame gardens to tend to, the sick - and pregnant - that come knocking on your door. Two days a week you find reprieve in your little office at the hospital, cramming a quick nap in when finally no one’s asking for you.

You love being needed. You love being pregnant. 

Shino thinks it funny, the way your stomach is growing. He knows what’s happening, is smart enough to get that early on, but he still puts his hands on your belly each day, incredulous about the size.

“But where’s the Baby in there?” He asks. Or “How big is she now? Like a lemon? How?”

Torune’s a little quieter about it. You fight for time alone with him, for chances to ask him what he’s thinking or feeling. He’s hesitant to touch the little bump, but eager to come up with names.

The harmony at home makes up for the heartbreak you feel whenever you look after Naruto. 

Iruka’s doing his best. You know that. But you wish you could do more.

-

Shibi is as attentive as ever, even more so when no one is around.

“I brought you chocolate.” He tells you when he arrives late from a mission.

The boys are already in bed and while your body craved a nap your mind wouldn’t let you rest. 

Summer is in full swing. There’s work at the Aburame compound, hospital work, housework and, occassionally, work for the Nara Clan. You wouldn’t call your current relationship with Yori warm and welcoming, more like a ceasefire. All tasks are now handled through Shikaku which makes it a lot easier to decline… if only you’d be better at saying no. 

“You didn’t have to.” You tell him, leaving the grounded antlers on the table to meet him at the door. Kissing him is still as thrilling as the first time, your lips finding his, knowing that he’s yours.

“I know. I wanted to. Apparently, the village is famous for it.”

“Do you want to share?” You ask, pulling him to the table. “I need to finish this recipe before we can get to bed but I’ll be quick.”

“I don’t need one. Why? I will taste them on your lips.” 

You blush furiously at these words but can’t deny that he’s right.

.

The next day starts early, the hospital shift kicking your ass.

It’s probably selfish of you not to slip out of bed quietly as soon as your alarm goes off, but if you have to decide between five more minutes pressed against Shibi or work, the decision is easy.

“You’ve got to get up, love.” He mumbles into your shoulder.

“Hmm…”

“Do you want me to call in. I would. Why? You could need a day of rest.”

“I’m fine. I’m fine. I just need five more minutes pressed against your chest.” You grumble, arms curled around him.

“You smell really good.” You tell him, breathing in deeply. “Why do you always smell so good?”

He doesn’t answer, already having learned that you don't need answers in a state like this.

“Do you want to take a shower together?” He asks when you feel yourself falling asleep again.

You huff out a breath and blink up at him, his face a mere outline in the darkness. 

“When did I ever say no to that question?”

-

“You look… good.” Yori eyes you over the table. “Did you put on a little weight, maybe?”

“I don’t know.” You answer truthfully, peering over the menu. You haven’t told her of your pregnancy yet, the wide cloak you’re wearing hiding any signs.

It’s not the first time Yori has asked to meet. You’d been hesitant at first to agree, supported in your decision by Shibi and Shikaku. But Yori claims she wants to work on your relationship and you’d like nothing more than it to work out. So you’ve eventually agreed, a café chosen as neutral ground.

This café is probably your favorite. It’s close to the academy and serves some of the best desserts you’ve ever tasted. And since you haven’t been able to eat more than some leftover apple slices since breakfast, you’re eager to try something new.

“You know, just because you’ve settled doesn’t mean you have to show it.” Yori points out with that well-known edge to her voice that you’ve grown to hate.

“What are you hinting at?”

“I’m just saying. You’re lucky I got you this arrangement. But if you blow up in size so short after the marriage Aburame-san might regret his decision.”

It’s a low blow and from everyone but Yori you’d be able to deflect.

But the older woman has always been able to cut right through your defenses.

Dessert suddenly doesn’t sound so appealing anymore.

“We’ve been married for over a year now,” you remind her and close the menu.

A waiter appears at your table just seconds later.

“Hello there. Have you already decided?”

“Green tea, please.” Yori purses her lips in a disappointed pout as she looks the waiter up and down. She doesn’t like men in “female jobs” as she calls them.

“For me as well. Could you pack me some of your desserts to go? I want to bring them back for the children.”

“That’s no problem. You’re Aburame-san’s wife, right? You should try the Honey Kasutera and the Shibuya toast. We make them with your honey.”

“That’s a great choice. Please also add the Strawberry Daifuku and the Mitarashi Dango.”

“That’s quite a lot of dessert.” Yori points out as soon as the waiter is out of earshot.

“The boys have been very well-behaved and deserve a treat.”

“But two for both of them? You don’t want them to look like the Akimichi’s.”

You swallow your anger at the comment and smile. 

“You’re doing well, I hope?”

The house is empty when you come back. 

In about half an hour, Muta will bring Shino home from a playdate with Kiba and some other kids and Torune, who’s training with some of the older Aburame, will be home around the same time.

You put the sweets into the fridge, already looking forward to sharing them. The burning hunger you had before your meeting with Yori has crumbled into a state of light nausea and you’re searching the kitchen for something easy and filling.

As you take your pot from the bottom drawer and get up, a sudden spell of dizziness hits you. You stumble, your hand shooting out to catch yourself, but the cabinets are too far away.

A sharp pain shoots through your head. After that, nothingness cloaks you like a heavy blanket.

…

“Mom! Mom!”

You're shaking. Your head hurts. You’re looking through blurry lenses up at something dark.

“Mom! Wake up!”

You blink, your vision clearing enough to recognize Torune who’s cowering next to you, touching you only with his gloved hands, shaking you.

“Torune. Torune, stop, I’m awake.”

He’s sobbing now, loud, wrenching sobs that shake him just as much as he’d just shaken you.

“Hey, hey, everything’s okay. Sit down, breathe.”

Torune falls back onto his ass, drawing in one shaky breath as snot runs down his face. He wipes it away with his sleeve and you look up at him in concern. Your head still hurts and you wonder what frazzled him this much that he came to wake you up. What time is it anyway?

As you move to get up, you realize with sudden concern that your muscles don’t work the way you want them to. Your hands feel like jelly and your legs like nothing at all. At best you can feel your head but what you feel is pain.

“Tell me what happened, Torune.” Your voice is calm but you’re panicking on the inside. What just happened?

“I came back because I wanted to go to the bathroom and ask you if I could stay out training a bit longer and when I came in… you… you were lying on the floor and there’s blood. Look!” He reaches for the floor and pulls his hand back up, his gloved fingers red from blood.”

“Oh, I must have fallen. I was a little dizzy. Why don’t you help me up, honey.”

“Are you sure? What if you hurt yourself?”

“If you help me get onto the Couch, I can take a better look. I don’t want Shino to find me like this and he’ll be here soon.”

“You’re right.” Torune nods and takes another shaky breath. 

Pulling you up is harder than you thought it would be. Torune has to be careful how he touches you and your arms and legs are as useful as cooked noodles. Somehow, with a lot of dragging and pulling and pushing, you make it to the Couch.

“Honey, can you get me a glass of juice first? We can clean the kitchen later but I haven’t eaten in a bit. Pour a glass for you and Shino as well, okay?”

You watch as he pours, his hands still shaking, the juice spilling everywhere.

“I’m sorry Mom.” He calls out, his voice already on the edge of breaking again.

“Ah, don’t worry. Just come here and cuddle with me a bit, okay? Careful with the glasses.”

“You’re still bleeding,” he tells you when he puts the glass in front of you.

“We’ll look at that right away, but first, we need something to give us energy.”

You urge him to drink his juice, slowly sipping on your own glass.

Your hand is shaking and you spill juice over yourself twice, but the sugar helps significantly. 

If you weren’t so focused on keeping Torune calm, you’d probably laugh at the sight of the two of you, sipping juice in stained clothes on the otherwise pristine Couch.

In the middle of it all, there’s a light knock on the door before Muta steps in.

“Hello.” He greets warmly before zeroing in on the scene before him.

Before he can say anything, Shino has already stepped past him, kicked of his shoes and approached the Couch.

“Someone wanted to throw my Kikaichu at the girls today.” He tells you with the air of someone who has had great injustice happen to him.

“Really? That’s awful. Torune poured you some juice, honey. Drink some, it’s still cold.”

“Are- are you okay, Aburame-san?” Muta asks cautiously from the door.

“I have fallen,” you tell him as calmly as you can, Shino’s eyes now zeroing in on the blood dripping from your face. “Do you happen to know where Shibi and Chiasa are?”

“I will get them right away.” He dips out of the door before you can tell him not to make a fuss about it. Before you can do anything else, Shino’s already reaching for your head.

“You’re bleeding, Mom!”

“I know, honey. Do you want to get the emergency kit from the bathroom? I hit myself on the head.”

Where Torune is still clutching his glass and staring into the distance, Shino is level-headed and calm. But that’s understandable. Torune has lost two parents to serious injuries whereas Shino doesn’t connect your situation right now with anything serious. 

If you said you’ve hit your head, you’ve just hit your head, that’s all.

“That’s it, right there.” Shino places the bandage as instructed, nodding to himself.

“It looks good. Do you have any other injuries?”

“Not right now, but I am a bit weak because I haven’t eaten much. Why is that bad?”

“Because we need the nutrients. Why haven’t you eaten?”

“Why? Because I had so much to do.”

“Why is Torune sad?” Shino asks, switching topics seamlessly.

“I scared him. I was lying on the floor when he came in and he was scared that it was something worse.”

“Like an attack?” Shino looks at you and back to Torune.

“Torune, did you think Mom got attacked?”

“I don’t know? Maybe?” Torune sniffs loudly. “You would have been scared too.”

“But she’s fine now, right? Shino turns to you. “You are fine now, right? Because you’re not bleeding anymore.”

“Ah.” You say and attempt a smile. “I will still see what the doctor says. It’s always better to double-check.”

At that moment, the door flings open. Shibi’s out of breath and doesn’t even bother to slip out of his shoes at the door.

“What happened?” He uses his Clan-leader voice, the tone demanding of answers.

Both boys sit perfectly straight in a second, staring up at their father.

“I found Mom in the kitchen on the floor and she was bleeding.”

“I put the bandage on her head.”

“I had a spell of dizziness, tripped and hit my head.”

“Were you unconscious?”

“Yes, but not for long.”

Shibi sinks to his knees to look up at you. His brows are furrowed as he takes you in.

You put your hand softly onto his shoulder.

“I am not downplaying it. I will check in with a doctor as soon as Chiasa is here to look after the boys but I doubt that it will be anything serious.”

“I want to come with you.” Torune’s voice is shaky again and his gloved hand curls around your elbow. “Please.”

“Me too.”

Torune and Shino sit in the two small chairs by the window, distracted by your latest game of  who can find the most bugs outside. They have one pair of binoculars that they use to inspect the tree tops from above and are quite content, while Shibi stands next to your bed, stiff as a board.

You reach out your hand, softly brushing your fingers against his.

“Sit with me?” You ask. He takes your hand but he doesn’t sit down. You’d love to know what he’s thinking about but he doesn’t want to talk.

Eventually, one of your colleagues steps into the room.

“Hey boys. Do you want to come with me for a minute? We’ve got some ice cream we want you to try.”

You nod when Torune looks at you for directions. “Take your time. And be careful, honey. Wear your jacket.” He nods and slips back into the long coat he wears around non-Aburame’s.

Your colleague leaves a clip board on your bed and winks at you before she ushers the boys outside. 

With an experienced eye you take in the test results, stopping only once to take in a breathe. 

“What is it?” Shibi asks, now finally sitting down on the corner of your bed, trying to see what you see.

“Well, I fainted because of my blood sugar and blood pressure. Also my iron-levels aren’t that good. Which wouldn’t normally be a problem, but since I’m pregnant…” You put the clipboard away to look at him. “Shibi,” your voice is low and serious, “talk to me, please.”

There are many emotions you could have expected. The unabashed fear on his face is not one of them.

“Are you-” He swallows thickly. “Is it safe?”

Your first reaction is surprise, followed by a sudden, heart clenching understanding. Of course. He lost his first wife to a pregnancy. Why wouldn’t he be worried?

You take his hand and put it on your stomach, right where the little one is growing right now.

“It is safe. I am healthy. I just need to look after myself a little better. Nothing is going to happen to me.”

There’s still fear in his eyes, a deep insecurity that can’t be tamed by words alone. You smile and kiss him softly. 

“I love you.” You tell him softly. “Everything will be okay. I promise I will look after myself better. I promise I will be okay.”

Two hours later, after an iron and multivitamin infusion, Shibi has placed you on the Couch and ordered the boys to guard you.

“No getting off the Couch.” He tells them.

“What if I have to pee?”

“You can get up to pee. But nothing else. I will clean the kitchen and be back in a minute.”

“Oh. There are sweets in the fridge. How lucky that I bought them. Now’s the perfect time to eat them, don’t you think?”

Chapter Text

As hard as it is, you have to change some things.

You cut your hours at the hospital even more, down to one day per week that you use to train someone as your replacement.

With the help of Shibi and Chiasa the entirety of the Aburame Clan is informed about the regular hours you will take patients, making sure that you have enough rest each day even if an emergency should occur.

-

The last part is the hardest. 

You sit down Iruka, cry silent tears the whole time you’re explaining what’s going on.

“It’s okay,” he promises, grown so much in the few months he’s been a teacher now. “It’s okay.”

But it’s not, you can’t help but think. 

Naruto deserves so much more than he’s getting and you’ll never be able to give him all you want to give. 

Explaining it to him seems a little easier, though who knows how much of it he understands right now.

“You can always come over,” you promise. “Have Dinner with us whenever you and Iruka feel like it, okay?”

Curiously, the boy touches the swell of your stomach. 

“There’s something growing inside?” He asks, clearly confused. 

“Yes. A girl. Her name’s going to be Natsu. Torune picked that name.”

“Natsu.” Naruto grins. “That’s a cool name. Hey Natsu, you need to get out of there fast, so that we can play together.”

-

You politely decline Yori’s next invitation for lunch, delivering the overdue news of your pregnancy through Shibi.

For a whole week everything turns blissfully silent on her end. It’s clear that she’s mad. As a Clan elder you should have informed her earlier, but you can’t feel guilty. It has become clear that you need to limit contact.

Her next invitation comes through Shikaku, his tired eyes telling you more than his words. 

“Don’t agree to it,” he follows up. “I didn’t tell you that if anyone asks, but you really need to rest. I can see how much good it has been doing so far.”

Natsu chooses that moment to kick you and you flinch.

“I’m not sure if the baby agrees or disagrees with you, but I’m not in the position to waddle all the way to the Nara compound anyway. Not in this heat at least.”

Shikaku grins. “I’ll let her know. If she wants to see you, she’ll have to come over during business hours.”

“Something like that. I’m sure Shibi will be delighted to see her again.”

The door opens, Torune peaking through.

“Hey,” you smile, waving him over, “You’re home already? Come here.”

“I don’t want to disturb.”

“Nonsense,” Shikaku straightens a little, watching him with a smile. “Airi mentioned you’re showing great progress. Have you ever played Go?”

“A little,” he admits, leaning into you now, careful not to touch you with any bare skin. “Shino showed me.”

“Great. Are you up to a game? Your mother always gets distracted.”

Torune blushes a little at that, like he always does when someone calls you his mother. But he slides into the chair next to you, leaning close as he plays. 

Soon, he’s going to be signed onto missions, gone for days or weeks on end. You don’t want to think about it, want him close a little while longer.

“What do you think about going to the Onsen on the weekend?” You ask when the first game ends and Shikaku sets up the next. “Just the two of us?”

Torune smiles. “I’d love that.”

-.- Shibi -.-

Natsu is going to be born in the winter. 

With everything else going on, the renovations aren’t going to be done in time for her birth but he agrees with you that next spring is going to be just as well.

After all, he still remembers how tiny Shino had been those first months, the crib too big for him.

Still, planning everything is taking a toll and he’s starting to understand why you left that to him, going to the Onsen with Torune instead.

“Do you want to have your bedroom downstairs?” He asks Shino, going through the sketches. “We could have you and Torune sleep downstairs. Natsu could take your room and Torune’s room turns back into an office.”

Shino considers that for a moment. “Someone has to sleep downstairs, right?”

“Yes,” Shibi nods. “Someone will have to sleep downstairs.”

“Natsu should sleep downstairs. Why? I had my room first,” Shino begins, stubbornness audible in his voice. A knock on the door cuts him off before Shibi can do so.

“We’ll talk about that,” he tells his son before making it over to the door, surprised to see Yori standing there.

“I am here to visit my great grandchild,” she announces with that air of arrogance Shibi has always disliked.

“Shino,” he calls for his son. “Your grandm-”

“Not-” Yori’s face turns red with barely concealed rage. “Your unborn child. My great grandchild.”

“Ah.” He doesn’t move and confusion appears on her features.

“Well? Aren’t you going to let me in?”

“No.”

“What’s that supposed-”

“You are not welcome here,” he tells her with the authority of a Clan Head and a Shinobi, stepping forward and closing the door behind him, keeping this conversation from Shino’s ears. “Until you change your ways. You are belittling my wife and you are belittling my Clan. Your great grandchild will be raised as the Aburame it is and as you don’t seem comfortable around insects, I suspect you should cut your losses now.”

“It will be half Nara-”

“So?”  Shibi stares her down. “This child will know that it is loved and cherished. If you cannot do that, you are not wanted here. Goodbye.”

“You cannot do that!”

“Watch me.” He closes the door in her face this time.

The Aburame Clan might often be forgotten, but they have learned to turn the tables.

-

Your cheeks are glowing when you return, Torune’s just as pink as he trudges next to you up the stairs, hair mussed and limbs loose.

“Was it nice?” Shibi asks, hugging Torune and kissing you as long as his children’s watchful eyes allow. 

“Very,” you beam before flinching. “But Natsu’s just as energetic as ever.”

“I am beginning to think she wants more attention. Why? She only kicks when we’re seemingly forgetting about her.”

“That could be true,” you agree with a grimace, rubbing a hand over your stomach. “Though she could be a little nicer about it. Are you guys hungry? I think we’re going to take a quick nap before Dinner.”

“Rest,” he agrees, kissing you again even though Shino’s already groaning in the background. “I’ll prepare the food.”

-.- Airi -.-

Kaede Aburame is born on a sunny morning in September, your legs numb from being up for hours.

Toshiko’s sweaty and teary-eyed, thanking you profusely as you hand her her second child.

“Look at him, oh, look at him Kenji,” she whispers, sinking into her husband’s chest as he brushes a single finger over Kaede’s plump cheeks.

And it’s not your first birth but it hits different this time.

Maybe because it’s Toshiko, who’s quickly turned into your best friend, who’s your sister in law and so much more, or Natsu’s birth drawing closer.

You long for Shibi’s hand to hold, surprised to step him into the room only half an hour later.

“Muta is awake,” he announces quietly, Torune and a sleepy Shino by his side. “The elders will be here soon.”

Shino cuddles into you, arms wrapping around your torso to press his face against the swell of your stomach, a greeting you’ve grown accustomed to.

“The Ritual,” you guess and Shibi nods, leaning into brush his lips across your cheek in greeting. 

“You can go home if you need to rest,” he offers quietly but you shake your head. “I am fine. I want to be here.”

“It’s my first time attending too,” Torune admits just as Shino nods as well. “Mine too.”

“Oh?”

“They’re family,” Shibi explains briefly. “Family members should always be present if possible, each of them offering one of their own insects to the new host.”

“So Kaede could become host to any of the insects that are present?”

“Or a different one,” Torune adds quietly. “My father’s and my Rinkaichū were not part of our family before.”

You want to ask more, but the Elders arrival disrupts the bubble of calmness you had occupied.

Soon enough, you find yourself pressed against the wall in the small room, Torune to your left and Shino to your right, both boys holding your hands.

Toshiko’s resting, watching Kaede who’s being offered as a host, alone, in the middle of the room.

You can’t help but think of yourself in her position.

Soon you will be, watching as Natsu is presented, your family members surrounding you and the baby.

You wonder if Toshiko is afraid. Does she think about the possibility of Kaede taking to Torune’s Rinkaichū? Becoming a host that cannot be touched? 

Are you afraid?

You squeeze Torune’s hand at the thought and he squeezes back as if he knows what you’re thinking.

Then, all of a sudden, Kaeda squirms, letting out a wail. Just a few steps away, Kenji lets out a sigh and Muta, usually so calm, presses his hands against his mouth, breaking his posture.

You want to ask but you don’t dare to break the tense Silence, don’t dare to step forward even as Kaede starts to cry.

Anxious, you watch as Shibi eventually moves forward, picks up the baby and delivers it to Toshiko’s arms.

“The Ritual is complete. Kaede has become host to the Shōkaichū.”

“That’s Muta’s kind, Mom.” Shino explains as Muta crosses the distance, settling next to his mother, reaching for his little brother. “I wonder if he’s proud.”

“Would you be proud?” You ask. “If Natsu got your kind?”

Shino considers that for a moment. “I don’t really want to share,” he eventually admits and you can’t help but bark out a laugh.

“You’d only have to give them two, though.” Torune points out. “They will take it from there. They’d be your Kikaichū’s children.”

“I’m to young to be a father,” Shino points out and you’re fighting the laughter that wants to spill out.

“What’s so funny?” Shibi asks, walking over.

Instead of answering you move to kiss him. 

Later, when you’ve rested and the two of you are alone, you will tell him that you can’t wait. Just a bit longer and he’ll hold Natsu, will present her like he did with Kaede. You can’t wait for him to meet his daughter.

-

Snow comes early this year.

A thick white blanket covers the Aburame Compound, weighing down your steps as you make the distance to check in on Kaede, Shino sometimes traveling after you. 

Muta’s often training with Torune, but his free time is now filled with looking after his little brother, so Shino responds accordingly, watching his youngest cousin with curious eyes.

“Is Natsu going to do this too?” He asks often, when Kaede burps or ends up covered in spit up.

He doesn’t seem to mind though, Kaede’s quiet character making him easy to love.

-

Shino’s old crib gets refurnished, Naruto almost making enemies when he proposes to paint it a bright orange on one of his visits. 

The world outside has fallen into an almost peaceful slumber, the mission count going down in both risk and quantity.

You’re almost ready to burst by the time it’s ready for the yearly celebration of Konoha’s founding, but this time you get there early, stuffing yourself on the buffet next to Chouza while Shibi talks to the Clan Heads he needs to talk to alone.

“When is it due?” Chouza asks over Yakitori. You’ve begun to eat meat when you’re eating out, at least until the baby is here. Your iron levels have thanked you.

“In two weeks,” you tell him, flinching when Natsu kicks. “She’s ready to get out.”

“Ah,” Chouza nods. “An overeager one. Now, I know, Shikamaru took his sweet time coming out, but I still remember how we felt safe knowing Chouji’s due date was still a few weeks away only to have him surprise us a few days later. The little guy just wanted to taste real food, I’m sure.”

You laugh.

“I am keeping an eye on it, but her position isn’t right yet.”

“Ah,” Chouza smiles. “Like that would stop a determined baby.”

“Aburame-san!” Takeo Lee interrupts you at that moment, stepping closer. “My, how you’ve changed. Have I told you about my grandson before? Let me show you some pictures.”

-

Shibi’s quiet on the way home. 

The peace outside of Konoha’s walls doesn’t seem to bring piece to the inside. The tension between some Clan’s is stifling and you wonder if he’d like to talk about it. 

He hasn’t, so far. You know it’s safer for you that way, but you wish you could take those worries away from him, if just for one second.

“Do you wanna take a bath?” You ask, despite the late hour and the fact that you both showered in the morning. “I want to hold you.”

Shibi stops on the stairs, emotions flickering over his face before he nods.

It’s a quiet thing, these moments between you, the warm water kissing your skin with every movement

Shibi’s hands find your stomach, protective even when his mind is muddled. You draw a path into the mess of his hair, scratching his scalp softly.

“In case I haven’t told you yet, I am so so so glad that I got to marry you,” you tell him in the dim light of the bathroom. “You are the love of my life.”

-

The next morning brigns a fresh wave of snow, the paths the boys shoveled yesterday no longer visible. 

You send them all of with a kiss and a Bento Box, too restless to read yet not willing to step outside and make the short trek to Toshiko for second breakfast.

You change the sheets on all the beds, fluff up more pillows for the living room and the master bedroom before finally lowering into the bathtub with chocolate and the book you’ve been wanting to read.

Five minutes in you realize something’s wrong.

Natsu’s coming, but she’s still not turned the right way.

You try to get out of the bathtub, panicking. This isn’t the moment to be left alone.

But the water has made everything slippery and you almost crash onto the tiles, catching yourself at the last minute. 

“Breathe,” you tell yourself, “Breathe. You’re a doctor. You can do this.”

Dressing yourself in a towel you go through the options you have.

You can’t very well perform a C-Section on yourself, so you will have to try and turn her. You’ve only done that once before, the theory of it still in your mind even though the process hadn’t been successful back then.

“Who can help?” You mutter before realizing the obvious, creating a Shadow Clone. “Get dressed and get Chiasa. Tell her I’m giving birth and I need her help.”

-

Natsu is unwilling to move, her stubbornness already reminding you of Shino. 

Chiasa’s calling your name from the hallway and you never felt as relieved to hear her voice than today.

“Bathroom,” you call out weakly. She enters without knocking, something you would have hated on every day but today.

She takes one look before crouching down next to you, pressing a hand to your stomach.

“She won’t turn,” you explain, fighting against another panicked sob. “I can perform a C-Section if you help, but-”

“She’s an Aburame,” Chiasa cuts you off. “She will listen. Why? It is in her blood.”

“What’s that supposed to-” The baby’s movement cuts you off. Whatever Chiasa is doing seems to work.

“Even though she is not a host yet,” Chiasa explains calmly and this time, just for your sake, your sure, “Natsu is already responding to the hive. Were you bathing? She probably didn’t like the water.”

You sigh. “Fussy Aburames,” you joke. 

“Now that you’re out of the water and she’s turned, it might take a while until she is ready to come out,” Chiasa offers but you shake your head. 

“Nope, this girl is already on her way out. She’s an impatient one.”

And you’re right, less than an hour later the squirming bundle is resting on your naked chest, wailing at the injustice of a world that dares to bath her right away.

“Shibi is on his way,” Chiasa announces. “Do you want me to bring you clothes?”

You sigh. “That would be amazing.”

-

Now you’re in Toshiko’s place, resting on the bed as Natsu is offered as a host. She’s not the least bit like Kaeda, squirming and wailing and just overall unhappy about it all.

Shino and Torune are pressed against the wall next to Muta, both of them wearing serious expressions.

You should have known, you realize, that you would not be scared.

Wether Natsu receives the Rinkaichū or not doesn’t really matter. She’ll be loved either way.

“The Ritual is complete. Natsu has become host to the Kikaichū.”

“Which one?” You ask as Shibi move to sit on the bed beside you, not yet willing to give Natsu back. You lean into him instead, cradling her tiny head as she raises her fists, her face a dark red.

“Chiasa’s,” he explains quietly as the people filter out of the room, one after the other. You know most of them will be back tomorrow to congratulate you.

You catch her eye as she moves to leave and you shake your head, beckoning her to stay.

“Thank you,” you tell her as Shino climbs onto the bed as well, peering down at Natsu as Torune hides behind Shibi. “For everything.”

To your surprise she flashes you a rare smile.

“Of course.”

“Do you want to hold her?”

To your surprsie, Shibi pulls Natsu closer. You laugh. “As soon as Shibi is willing to let her go, I mean?”

A soft red bloom on his cheek. “Just one more minute,” he asks and as you catch Chiasa’s eyes you know she doesn’t mind.

-

-.- Shibi -.-

He doesn’t sleep that night, his body restless next to yours. 

But he doesn’t mind, content to stay awake and listen.

Natsu moves in her crib, the Kikaichū inside her multiplying by the minute. His mother’s kind is strong, resilient. Shibi has no doubt his daughter will be the same.

Would he feel different if she had taken to his kind? Would he be able to feel more joy than he already does? He doesn’t know. 

You sigh next to him, your body warm and pliant against his.

You are alive. Still, even after today’s events. Yes, you are tired and recovering, but you’re already laughing, teasing, living just like before.

You turn to your side and fart and he can’t help but laugh, rub your back as you snore softly.

Shino is sleeping on the other side of the hallway, Torune one door further down. His family is safe and he can’t hep but marvel at its beauty.

With a sudden sound, Natsu wakes, wailing. You move to rise but he stops you, already out of bed.

“I got it.”

But it’s not that easy.

Natsu keeps on crying, loudly, as he takes her down the stairs and into the kitchen, away from the sleeping members of the family, prepping a bottle for her.

She latches onto it with fervor, drinking it down only to spit up on his shoulder the moment she’s done, crying softly as he rocks her to sleep.

Shibi thinks back to Shino, the first year after his birth. He’d been a quiet baby, only letting out a noise when his hunger seemed unbearable or his diaper needed urgent changing.

He has a feeling that Natsu will be different.

Shibi kisses the crown of her head as she falls asleep in his arms.

“Welcome to the family,” he tells her and feels her Kikaichū respond in kind.

Chapter Text

-.- Airi -.-

Torune is calm, Shino is reserved. Natsu is neither of these things.

Even at two months she quickly figures out when something’s going on without her, demanding to take part as loudly as she can.

Swaddling her in a different room is almost impossible and heaven forbid there’s ever a moment where she isn’t being touched. 

Coupled with her seemingly unstoppable appetite everyone has a hard time adjusting, but most of all you.

“Rest,” Shibi declares in the mornings. You’d been up twice to feed her, barely able to calm her down when she realized that no one else but you was paying her attention.

You don’t have the energy nor the will to talk against that offer, watching with tired eyes as he picks her up with ease, her small body fitting perfectly into his arms.

The boys have figured out a way to keep her happy during breakfast, you’ve learnt. 

The trick is to keep her moving, from one arm to the next, always a different face above her. If you’re quick at it, you have the bottle ready before she starts wailing.

A warm body slips under your blanket, not big enough to be Shibi and not small enough to be Natsu.

“Mom?” Shino asks. “Are you awake?”

“Barely,” you sigh, slinging an arm around him to pull him close. “Why?”

“Can I stay home today? I don’t feel so good.”

“What hurts?” You brush a hand over his temple. He doesn’t have a fever.

Shino doesn’t answer for a moment and you blink yourself a bit more awake.

“Shino?”

“Yeah?” His voice is a bit too high. So that’s what this is about.

“Do you want to skip school because you miss spending time with me?”

“Maybe?”

You sigh, turning onto your back. “How did you get this past your Dad?”

“I left with him and turned around half-way there.”

You sigh again, thinking it through.

“You can stay home today,” you offer finally. “But I need to nap for an hour before we do anything and after that we figure out a way to spend more time together, that doesn’t involve skipping school, okay?”

Shino snuggles into you, his voice a little too pleased for breaking the rules. “Okay.”

- - -

Four months after her birth Natsu has finally learned to sleep a bit longer, but now she’s picked up talking - or rather making noises - and the quiet hours are no longer quiet.

“Brrrrr,” she makes from her seat at the table, louder and louder until she finds enjoyment in a different sound.

Torune is a willing companion, sitting and listening for hours.

He has to be covered completely if he picks her up because her Kikaichu are just as nosy as their little host, not understanding that her big brother is not to be touched.

She loves to be carried, prefers being tied to the front over being tied to the back, reaching her plump little fingers for everything she can spot - Kunai, kitchen utensils, a nosy deer.

Having a child is everything you thought it would be and nothing like it at the same time.

Sometimes you find yourself remembering Naruto, curled up on your arm after a meal, his small body full of energy. Othertimes you watch Shibi carry her around, the two of them in a constant conversation that doesn’t need words and wonder if it would have been the same way if your life had turned out different.

If your fiancé hadn’t died, you wouldn’t be here. 

And it’s easy to think that you wouldn’t miss Shibi if life hadn’t brought you here, after all you’d have had a different family of your own, but it’s so much harder to think of him, without you.

“What are you thinking about?” He asks as you pull him a little closer at night after Natsu has finally fallen asleep.

“What would have happened to you if life had turned out differently,” you explain, rubbing a hand over his chest, looking for his steady heartbeat. It calms you down, the sound of it, the warmth of his skin, that unique scent he carries.

“I don’t like thinking about it,” Shibi admits. “There are so many roads we could have gone on, so many steps we could have missed. What use is there in worrying about the road not taken?”

“I think it makes me appreciate the one I am on,” you reply and he kisses your temple.

“Even when it’s hard sometimes?”

“Even then.”

-.- Shibi -.-

Shino has the hardest time adjusting to his new sibling.

He’s always been a bite more prone to jealousy, shutting himself out if he deems himself forgotten.

And it’s hard for him, Shibi can tell.

It’s hard for all of them, on some days, when they’re running on too little sleep, still not quite used to the fact that Natsu is everything but quiet.

“You’ll be staying home today,” Shibi announces irregularly before handing Natsu off to Chiasa. “I’ve got a special training planned.”

Shino nods, his quiet demeanor betraying the joy over this decision. Everyone knows he’s struggling in school, the noise, the many people, the time spent apart.

You take him to the forest at least once a week now, train him in the duties of a Nara. 

Shibi suspects that it’s not the appeal of the work or the deer that keeps Shino coming back to it, but the time spent just with you and you alone.

You regularly visit the bathhouse as well, spend hours there with Torune, just the two of you.

In less than two years their family has grown exponentially, just like the hive inside Natsu’s body.

“Ne!” Natsuo craws out, wobbling a little where she’s seated on a blanket on the floor. She’s pointing at Torune, crying with joy.

Her older brother hides his face behind his hands before opening them wide, calling out a “Peekaboo!” and laughing with her.

“Ne!” She calls him again, the shortest version of his name before recognizing Shino coming in from the front door.

“In!” She calls out, trying to scoot toward him. “In! Ne!”

“Hi,” Shino drops on the floor next to Torune, leaning in to let Natsu take charge of his face, her chubby fingers patting his cheeks. He’s always fondest of her after a time apart. 

“Where’s Mom?”

“She’s at Toshiko’s,” Shibi explains calmly from the kitchen. “Kaede’s sick.”

“Is it bad?” Shino asks, blowing up his cheeks with air and releasing it whenever Natsu touches them, resulting in her laughter.

“No, she thinks his teeth might be coming in.”

They fall quiet again, playing with Natsu until the food is ready.

It’s easy, Shibi finds, to get sucked into a routine, to shut off your head just to get by.

He can’t get frustrated as easily when Natsu spits out her food for the umpteenth time, redecorating the table and everything surrounding her with little greenish globs. 

But it would make him miss the great moments too, and they are plentiful.

“Open your mouth!” Shino pleads, spoon leveled with his sisters mouth. She goes crosseyed in her defiance.

“Can I try?” Torune asks. “You can make a figure out of your kikaichu, like you’ve learned. She might respond to that.”

They work as a team, Torune fake feeding the kikaichu lookalike of Natsu until the real Natsu gets impatient, begging to be fed instead. The first spoon safely makes it behind her lips and she swallows, crying out for more.

“Good job,” he praises them, careful not to distract Natsu too much lest she might disagree with her food again. 

“Hey,” Shibi calls your name over the head of his sleeping children, all of them huddled up in his bed - and in Torune’s case encased in a sleeping bag - with you on the other side of it. “Are you still there?”

“Barely,” you groan back, wriggling out of bed. “Living room?”

He pulls you back a little on the way down the stairs, relishes in the scent of your shampoo and the feel of your skin against his.

“Do we need a bigger bed?” He asks once you’ve snuggled up on the Couch, eyes on the stairs in case one of the kids wakes.

You laugh. “Imagine we get another one.”

He tenses in surprise. “Another one?”

You shrug, mirth visible in your eyes. “I’m not proposing it, it just came out of my mouth like that.”

He smiles. “I mean we built two rooms downstairs and I don’t need an office that badly.”

You hesitate. “Are you sure? Natsu’s a handful and Shino was pretty jealous. It would be worse with another kid.”

Shibi pulls you in. “I’m willing to take what you’re willing to offer. Or, we can just let it happen. It’s not like we know what the future will bring.”

“Okay,” you nod slowly, a smile working its way onto your face. 

He knows he’s done for way before you pull him in for a kiss.

- - -

“Something’s up,” you point out after the annual meeting. “And not like the times before, something’s really fishy.”

“Yes,” he agrees solemnly, “I felt it too.”

“Where do you think it’s coming from?” You hesitate at the front door of your house, leading him around it instead. Inside, Chiasa is looking after the kids and he wonders if you feel the same way he does - intent on protecting their peace for as long as possible.

“I think there’s something going on with the Uchiha’s,” he points out quietly, watching the skeleton-like branches of your pear tree move in the wind. “And while we always have to keep an eye out for Danzou, I think he’s preparing something. I just don’t know what.”

“Should we leave?”

Your question has him suck in a surprised breath.

Your face is open, looking at him for guidance.

“The Aburame… The Aburame used to be a nomadic Clan, right? We could be again.”

“What about the Nara? You’re bound to these forests.”

Tears brimm in your eyes as you step closer, let him pull you in as if the safety of his arms is worth anything.

“Promise me we’ll keep the kids safe,” you beg, clutching him tighter when he doesn’t answer.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to. It’s that he can’t.

Not when Torune is just shy of making Chunin and Shino’s path looks very much the same.

It happens exactly five days after Natsu turns one year old, a crude drawing of their family pinned to fridge thanks to Naruto’s visit.

They’re out back training, Torune teaching Shino under Shibi’s guidance, calmed by the knowledge of having you near, just on the other sie of the trees where Natsu’s having her afternoon nap.

Shibi recognizes the first guy, but not the second, not that it matters.

Danzou is quick to follow.

“You are in luck, Aburame-san,” he tells him instead of a greeting. “I’ve been looking for a Shinobi worthy to be a part of Root and I believe that I’ve found it in your son.”

Without a word, both boys step closer to him, following his soundless instructions.

Danzou chuckles dryly. 

“Now now, don’t be shy. Shino it is, right? It is a great honor to be appointed this young. You’d be on par with any Anbu after your training.”

“We decline, thank you,” Shibi tells him through gritted teeth.

“I am afraid there’s no such thing,” Danzou tells him off. “I have the authority to recruit whoever I choose and I’ve chosen Shino. Do you really want to go up against my authority? Do you think that the Aburame are strong enough to counter all of Konoha?”

Something tugs on his sleeve, a movement so tiny he only recognizes it a moment too late.

“You should pick me instead,” Torune declares, stepping out of Shibi’s shadow. “My father was Shikuro Aburame and I carry his Rinkaichu.”

“Is that so?” Danzou’s smile seems to be too wide for his face now. “Well, I agree. Aburame-san, it’s your choice. Shino or Torune, who will leave with me?”

It’s an impossible decision, really. 

But Torune seems to know that, reaching for his hand. “Let me do it,” he whispers. “Shino will never have to live a life of loneliness like I do. I’ll be fine.”

Shibi all but chokes on the words, the unfairness of the world as he tries to speak.

“When does he have to leave?”

“Right now,” Danzou declares almost bored. “I don’t have all day.”

“Please,” Shibi begs, all pride forgotten. “Let him say goodbye to his mother.”

For a moment all hope of that seems lost but then he nods, just once, before turning. “We’ll pick him up tomorrow at sunrise. Don’t try anything.”

Shibi finds you praying by his bedside that night, your lips moving without any sound.

Shino’s fallen asleep in their bed again, curled around Natsu, not quite understanding the severity of today’s events.

But Torune, always the calm one, had retreated to his own bed as if already resigning himself to a life without his family only to call for you at the very last minute.

They’ve barely got more than a year together, barely figured out how to juggle all of the things on their plates, barely found themselves happy and safe and at peace only to be plunged into chaos again.

Shibi leans forward to kiss the top of your head, half expecting you to move away.

But you let him in, let him feel the grief that’s already encasing you.

Tomorrow, hours before Shino or Natsu wake, Torune will leave this house as if he’d never been a part of it.

Torune leaves with one last hug, one last brush of his gloved hands through Natsu’s thick hair. He leaves without tears, a pendant carved from antler pressed into his hand.

Shibi knows he’ll have to give it up soon, but he hopes he’ll be able to savour it at least for a moment, the memory of the life he’s had.

The door closes behind him and something in you shatters, so visibly it terrifies him.

But you don’t cry and you don’t sink to the floor, you just nod once and turn for the stairs.

“Where are you going?” He asks, terror still lacing his voice.

“I need to sleep,” you answer him, your voice empty. “I’m tired.”

And you stay tired, day after day after day until you only leave bed when he begs you.

- - -

“You can’t go on like this,” Chiasa points out just seconds before he makes it into the room to stop her.

You’re still in bed at three in the afternoon, Natsu playing on the blanket covering his part of the bed.

“Mother,” he calls out to her, but she’s stiff as a board, ignoring him.

“You’ve got two more children who need you.”

“Mother,” he insists again, pulling her out into the hallway. “This is not helping!”

“Letting her continue isn’t helping either!” Chiasa admonishes him. “She’s hurting everyone, but most of all herself.”

“She’s doing her best!”

“Not eating?” Chiasa fires back. “Not moving, just sleeping and withering away? If I didn’t know better I’d think it’s Zoka in that bed.”

He takes a step back, feeling very much like he’d just gotten punched in the stomach.

His mother’s face is apologetic but it’s too late for that.

“Please,” he asks. “This has been hard for her.”

Chiasa’s features soften. “I’ll take Natsu this afternoon. Please try to make her eat something. Or take a bath.”

Bath’s, he’s found out, are not to be offered. Because bath time was something you shared with Torune.

But he manages to coerce you into the shower, your body frail under his hands as he soaps you up.

His mother is right. You have turned into a shadow of your former self and there’s not much difference between you and his former wife.

If only he’d knew how to pull you out of this, how to breathe some life into you at least if he can’t bring Torune back.

The Uchiha massacre comes and goes without you being aware of it.

It’s the only time he’s glad of your catatonic state because he can only wonder what that knowledge would do to you otherwise.

He reaches out to help the best he can, but just the thought of adopting Uchiha Sasuke is met with disdain. He’s going to live alone at six years old, with nothing but a grown up to check on him from time to time.

What has Konohagakure come to?

-.- Airi -.-

Your eyelids are heavy. It’s almost impossible to keep them open, so much easier to slip back into sleep.

But your bladder rallies against it until you finally manage to crack one eye open and find the door. The distance is terrifying. Maybe the urge to pee will go away if you keep lying here long enough.

The door creeks open under your tired gaze, a head of blond hair slipping through the open crack.

“Are you asleep?” A voice asks and then two shockingly blue eyes are trained upon you.

It takes you a second to recognize Naruto. You blame it on your exhaustion.

“Not anymore,” you answer.

Without asking he climbs onto the bed, his knees digging into your stomach once.

“You smell weird,” Naruto points out once he’s lying next to you. His own breath isn’t much better, carrying the faint scent of Instant Ramen.

“Sorry.”

“Shino said you’re sick,” Naruto explains, lifting your blanket to peek under it. “You look sick. Did you eat something wrong?”

“No,” you swallow around your dry tongue. “I’ve lost my son.”

“Oh?” Naruto blinks. “I can help you find him. I’m really good at hide and seek.”

“He’s not lost like that.”

Naruto nods as if he understands. “Okay. But Kiba can smell people like, really far away. He can help us look for him. Or, if he’s lost outside of Konoha, there are squads for that kind of thing.”

“He’s not lost like that, Naruto.”

Naruto nods again, slipping under the blanket with you.

“What kind of lost is he then?”

“The kind that never comes back.”

“Like my parents?” 

Your breath shudders in your chest.

“Yeah,” you choke out. Naruto curls into your side. 

“You know,” he tells you quietly, nose curled against your aparent smell. “When I grow up and become Hokage, I’ll make sure no one ever gets lost like that again.”

And it’s nothing more but the dream of a child, a dream you wish you could see come true.

Somehow though, it lights a first spark in your chest, then another, blinding spots of light behind your closed eyes until you remember a conversation that seems to have happened almost too long ago to remember.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” You ask, letting the dough settle.

Torune, watching you as always, hesitates for a second.

“Not lonely. Or, at the very least, I want to make sure that no one else will have to be.”

“Naruto?” You ask, your limbs prickling with the need to move, to rise, to live. “Can you help me to the bathroom?”

You’ll never be quite able to explain it, that sensation that gained momentum in your chest.

But if you can do anything in your life, you want it to be the fulfillment of Torune’s dream.

Chapter Text

- 5 years after the Uchiha Massacre -
Natsu hasn’t spotted him yet, too distracted by a flock of birds.
“Oi, Shino!” Naruto points out, as usual too loud for the situation he’s in. “Someone’s waiting for you.”
Most of the kids turn to look at Naruto now instead of Shino, who’s slipping out of the crowd almost unnoticed. His shoulders are tense as he walks over, the tension not letting off even as Natsu does her best at climbing up his leg.
“I missed you!” She tells him. “It was boring at home.”
“Did you do your training?” Shino asks and she pouts.
“Course! I’m so strong I can totally kick your butt.”
“Ah,” you drag a hand through her hair which usually makes her let go of whatever she’s clinging to.
“What?” She asks, turning back. “I didn’t say ass.”
Shino grins into his collar, you can tell. You sigh.
“What did you do today?” You ask over Natsu’s chatter as you make your way home.
Shino’s classes run later than Natsu’s and although picking him up is a rather untimely break, you don’t mind doing it once or twice a week. Natsu’s easily distracted as it is, and that little break is often what she needs to focus for two more hours
“They told us what teams we’ll be getting into,” Shino tells you quietly, his hand slipping into yours as you make your way through a quiet alley, a gesture reminding him of how little he used to be.
“Really?” Natsu squeaks to your feet. “Who’s going to be your Sensei?”
“Kurenai.”
You furrow your brows. Kurenai’s known for her use of Genjutsu. Not the first choice for an Aburame.
Shino senses your hesitation. “I’ll talk to Father about it,” he replies.
“Who else is going to be in your team?”
“Kiba Inuzuka.” He pauses. “And Hinata Hyuuga.”
Ah. You can tell by the arch of his shoulders where the problem lies.
Natsu, not the least bit attentive, doesn’t. She rambles on, jealous that he’s going to get to be in a real Genin Team now while she’s just started attending Academy, that he’s going to be spending time with an Inuzuka - they have dogs! - while she trains with Kaede of all people.
But you know your son. Sometimes better than his father, it seems.
-
“What’s the problem with it?” Shibi asks after Dinner in the privacy of his office, the kids doing their homework on the other side - or rather Shino’s helping Natsu do hers.
“It’s Hinata. Hinata Hyuuga. He has a crush on her.”
Shibi drops his pen. “What?”
“Yeah, didn’t you notice?” You lean into him until he moves his legs a little apart, lets you take a seat on his lap. Over six years of marriage have not made you long less for his touch but even you’ve noticed that you’ve been exceptionally cuddly these past weeks.
“No,” he admits, pulling you a little closer. “Did he tell you?”
“Well, yeah.” You close your eyes for a second, reveling in the closeness. “I figured it out and talked to him about it. She’s really sweet, but apparently she’s head over heels for Naruto.”
“Poor Shino,” Shibi sighs. “I know that feeling.”
“Excuse me?” You lean back again to eye him. “When did you experience that kind of thing?”
“Well,” he pulls a face. “I did have a life before Zoka. There was this girl in my class… Looking back I can only be glad she never knew I liked her, but she was really into…” He stops, furrowing his brows. “I forgot his name.”
You laugh. “Well, let’s hope Shino will experience something similar. Do you…” You hesitate. “Do you plan on arranging a marriage for him as well?”
Shibi’s head knocks heavily into yours. “I was thinking about it. Chiasa brought it up. It’s too early for that yet, but I might talk to him about it, just so he knows.”
“He might not take the offer.”
“Yes,” Shibi nods. “He might not. But it’s his decision. Why? I won’t force him into something he has no desire for.”
You sigh. Your eyes wander over his desk, not really looking for anything but a distraction until they catch onto the picture pinned to the wall. Natsu, barely six months old, had wanted out of your hold so bad her arms and legs are blurry from the movement, but it’s not her your eyes latch onto. Behind her, body covered from head to toe, is Torune, smiling at the camera.
You still wonder about him daily, but the pain has lessened over time.
Shibi, sensing the shift, leans in to kiss your temple.
“How about we take a nice bath after the kids have gone to bed?” He asks. “Celebrate the fact that you put on some weight again.”
You laugh despite yourself. “That’s not usually a thing to celebrate.”
“It is to me.”
And you know what he’s thinking about, the time of your life you barely remember, when all you did was sleep and cry.
You suppose he’s right. Sometimes these things are worth celebrating.
- - -
It’s a rare treat to go shopping on your own and not just for necessities.
Shibi’s on a mission that should only last one day, Natsu’s training with Chiasa right after school and Shino’s training with his new Genin Team, leaving the house quiet except for the purring of Okita
Sure there’s things to do, like there always are. The laundry needs to be folded, the garden needs tending, but nothing is urgent and you’re craving a little window shop.
They say to never go shopping on an hungry stomach, but the same might be true for the opposite.
You find sweets for you and Natsu, a little trinket Toshiko will cherish, and the most practical gift you could possibly get Shibi - a multi pack of new boxer briefs - until you make your way through yet another store, remembering that you’ll need new toothbrushes soon.
You take a turn to the left and stare at a display of pregnancy tests, all but snorting at the price.
With a little bit of Chakra you can do that for free and since the aisle is empty, you do just so, proving to yourself that you might be a little rusty at the edges, but not that much.
The result has you freeze in surprise, hands still splayed out over your abdomen.
You try again. The result doesn’t change.
-
And it’s not like you changed your mind about having more children after Torune was taken away, but it had not been on the forefront of your mind anymore.
Grief had been. And then getting better.
The tea Chiasa had gotten you had moved to the far end of the cupboard, replaced by other, more needed things. A tea to soothe Natsu’s upset stomach or the fever she ran when teething.
To find out you’re pregnant again, at a time like this, in a place like this… You can’t help but laugh.
-
Natsu looks at you weird when she returns from her grandmother.
“Why are you smiling like that?” She asks, stomping adorably through the room to join you in the kitchen.
“I’m happy. Are you not?”
She harrumphs before taking a seat at the table, launching into a detailed explanation of today’s training, the bugs and birds she had seen and all the reasons why she needed to get a puppy.
Shino, much like his sister, halts at the door to eye you.
“You seem very happy,” he points out, sliding out of his shoes.
“I said that too,” Natsu exclaims, eager to show off.
“I am,” you explain simply, inviting him to the table. “Can you help me with the beans?”
“Did you get to pet Akamaru today?” Natsu asks before Shino’s even sat, disappointed when his answer is no.
You eat Dinner without Shibi, sadly a not so rare occurrence.
Natsu settles on the living room floor after Dinner to play with a lazy Okita while Shino curiously sidles closer on the Couch.
“Did something happen?” He whispers, mindful of his sisters nosiness.
“Yes,” you agree. “But I will have to tell your father first.”
Shino watches you for a second, his sunglasses giving nothing away. Then, just barely visible, his mouth quirks upward before he leans in to whisper even quieter into your ear.
“I hope this time I will get a quieter sibling.”
You snort, waving it off as a bad joke when Natsu perks up immediately.
“I know a joke!” She exclaims at that, sitting upright. “Where do the cows go to have fun?”
“Where, Natsu?”
“To the Moovies! Get it? Because they Moo!”
You laugh along with her, praising her for it.
She goes back to Okita after a while but Shino sticks close until he falls asleep with his head on your shoulder.
He’s grown so much, but he’s still your little boy after all.
- - -
Shibi takes one step into your bedroom before he halts.
“What happened?” He asks, his coat half open.
You laugh. “Why does everyone ask me that today? Is it hat obvious?”
“You’re glowing,” he comments before flinching back. “No!” He gasps. “Can it-”
“Yes,” your smile turns shy now, a hand pressed to your belly. “I went to the hospital to triple check. I’m two months along already.”
The sound Shibi makes sounds both like a sob and a sigh and he rushes over to cradle the barely there bump in his hands.
“So that’s the weight you put on,” he points out quietly, hands caressing the skin above the new life growing.
You rake a hand through his hair, overcome with too many emotions to talk.
He understands nonetheless.
“Do you want to call him Torune, if it’s a boy?” His voice is quiet, unobtrusive.
“No,” you shake your head, your voice tight. “No, I don’t… I don’t want to replace him. Torune will always be my son. If it’s a boy, he will be his own little person.”
Shibi nods, pressing a kiss to your stomach.
“Welcome,” he whispers. “We’re very eager to meet you.”
“Shino already knows,” you tell him once he’s settled in behind you, one hand cradling your belly.
Shino huffs out a laugh. “He’s too perceptive.”
“Do you want to tell Natsu?”
He laughs louder. “No, I know my limitations. That’s all yours.”

-.- Shibi -.-
Hito Aburame steps just as quietly into the world as he’d slipped into your life.
One day you’re still pregnant, your belly heavy, the next he’s there with you, watching the little carved antlers move above his bed.
You gave birth at night, a quiet, quick affair, Shibi’s hand tight in yours as Chiasa watched.
Hito has his fathers Kikaichu, your eyes and Shino’s quietness, charming his way into everyone’s heart, even that of stubborn Natsu who had been adamant not to like him.
“He’s very cute,” she admits just two days later, carrying him from one room to the next. Every thought of a puppy is forgotten when he blows bubbles at her, holds onto her pinky with his tiny fists.
-
Hito’s presence is sorely needed.
He’d been worried sick these past months.
The third Hokage has been killed, the attack almost taking Shino as well.
You’d watched him for days until the poison left his system, one hand on his, the other on your growing belly.
It had been a new fear, though not unfounded. He’d almost lost you over Torune, he doesn’t want to think what losing Shino would do to you.
The life of a Shinobi is hard, every mission might be your last.
But Shibi can’t help but think that the life of a parent is harder, knowing that no matter how hard you train your children they might not make it home one day.
And what world, he can’t help but wonder, what village, expects their children to fight the battles of grown ups?
- - -
The years pass.
They celebrate Shino making Chunin by visiting the bath house, a rather ironic celebration giving the fact that both Shino and him have to stay out of the water lest they overheat.
Hito doesn’t seem to mind the heat but you don’t dare risk it at his young age while Natsu dives into the water from every angle possible.
“Torune would be proud of you,” you tell Shino after Dinner, your voice thick with emotion.
Shino’s hand curls around yours and his, joining them together.
His son rarely smiles but tonight, he seems content.
-
Natsu’s Genin team consists of her, a quiet, massive Taijutsu User named Kenta Akimichi and the stubborn Genjutsu prodigy Umeda Daisuke, a clanless boy Natsu never stops complaining about.
“She’s got a crush on him,” you comment one rainy afternoon after Natsu’s stormed out to train, her tirade over Daisuke still ringing in their ears. “She just doesn’t know it yet.”
“Poor Daisuke,” Shino comments from where he’s packing his bag for a mission. “He doesn’t know what’s going to hit him until it’s too late.”
You laugh, both at Shino’s comment and Shibi’s awkwardness, his unwillingness to think about his little girl growing up.
“How about you?” You ask, pinching Shino’s cheek, lifting Hito up so he can do the same, the toddler clinging to you every waking hour. “Any girl worth crushing on?”
Red dusts Shino’s cheeks and Shibi straightens, trying not to pry.
“I’m fine as it is,” Shino points out. “I want to make… I want to make you guys proud.”
“I am proud,” you tell him, conviction heavy in your voice. “So, so proud.”
“Still,” Shino shakes his head. “I’m only eighteen. Who knows what’s going to happen in the next year or so? Naruto just came back and you know how he makes everything…”
“Interesting?” You offer at the same time Shibi mutters a quiet “Complicated?”
Shino shrugs.
“If you want me to look for someone-,” Shibi offers but Shino waves him off. “No, no, I’m fine.”
Shibi catches your eye. He knows that look and sighs. A little looking around won’t hurt.

- - - After the Shinobi war - - -
Shibi finds you at the hospital, not surprised to see you up and working even at midnight, a sleeping Hito tied to your back. He’s too old to be carried around like that, but the times are rough and he knows you wouldn’t leave him to sleep in some room when there might be a new attack any minute.
You pull him in for a hug the second you see him, your clothes just as drenched in blood and dirt as his.
“You’re alive,” you cry into his chest and he nods, eyes closed, relieved to be just for one second.
“Who did we lose?” You ask moments later, voice shaky as you brace yourself.
“Muta,” he watches you crumble at the name, holds you tight as you cry into his chest. All the other names will follow, but this one hurts the most. Toshiko’s your closest friend and Muta nothing less than your nephew, just another big brother of Natsu.
Shibi hasn’t heard of Shino yet, just knows that he’s alive.
-
Konoha does what it does best.
They rebuild itself from the dirt and the ashes, from the tears and the blood.
Natsu is quieter now, a constant companion to a grieving Kaede, sitting hours on end with him and little Hito as she ponders the injustice of the world.
Muta had been a person she knew, one she loved dearly. It’s the first death, the first loss she can really grasp.
Torune’s death hits you much harder, though not as hard as him saying goodbye all those years ago.
So much has happened in so little time that it seems almost comical that their house is still standing, their garden’s almost untouched from all those fights.
-
“Let’s come together,” you ask one Sunday morning, the first you get to spend at home after doing double shifts at the hospital all week. “Under the pear tree.”
The Blanket you spread out on the ground is one he knows well, the one you gifted Torune all those years ago, the one your parents made for you.
Hito settles quietly in your lap, the others following shortly.
Chiasa, Toshiko, Kenji and Kaede arrive as if pulled in by your shadows, settling in the soft shade.
It’s quiet outside, just the rustling of the wind in the leaves, not even Natsu utters a word as she lets Kaede sit close, shoulders brushing.
A shadow brushes past the edge of the house, blindingly blond hair reflecting the sun.
“Hi,” Naruto stands there awkwardly. “I wanted to- Is it okay if I-”
“Sit,” Shino motions toward a free corner to his right and Naruto waves at someone behind him who turns out to be Iruka.
The blanket is pretty much full now but you look around as if waiting for someone. Maybe you are.
“When I was dreaming in the Infinite Tsukuyomi,” you say into the quiet of the morning. “When I was dreaming, I saw us like this. Sitting together under this pear tree. My parents were there as well. Jurou and Zoka, Torune and Muta.” Toshiko sniffles loudly and you smile at her, taking her hand to squeeze it.
“And we didn’t have to do much. We just were and we were happy like this. And I think we can be like that, still.” Your eyes find Shibi’s and you smile, sad and happy at the same time.
“After all, no one’s truly dead unless they are forgotten.”
- - -
It’s only hours later, in the quiet of the night, that you shuffle close, your head coming to rest on his chest.
“What are you thinking about?” You ask.
“Everything and nothing,” he admits. “Torune, Muta, Shiruko. Zoka, too. The girl… The girl I found for Shino, if he wants it. Who’s going to be Hito’s Sensei when it’s time. Should he even become a Shinobi?”
“I thought you didn’t like thinking about the road not taken?”
“I don’t,” he sighs. “But my mind won’t let it rest.”
“Would it help you,” you ask then, “If we went down it together?”
He considers it for a second, your hand in his, his hand in yours.
“Always.”

THE END!