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Seungmin was taking a long sip of his cold water when Felix tapped him on the shoulder. They were taking a water break during dance practice, and everyone else was lying on the floor, exhausted despite only running through a few songs.
“Seungminnie,” he mumbled, “don’t freak out, okay?”
“What is it?” he whispered back almost frantically. That was so out of the blue.
Felix leaned in closer to whisper in his ear. “I think your period started.”
Seungmin’s eyes widened. He had thought that something felt a little weird, both inside of his stomach and inside of his pants, but he hadn't thought much of it. He had run out of his prescription for birth control and was never able to get it refilled, but he was told that he shouldn’t get his period for at least a month after he stopped taking it. It had only been one week, though, and he was planning to get it refilled in one more week.
Seungmin gasped and immediately rushed out of the room, his water bottle fallen and forgotten on the couch. The others sent Felix questioning and concerned looks.
“Seungmin isn’t feeling well. Keep practicing, I’ll check on him,” he lied. The members accepted it, staring with worried eyes as Felix left the room with both his and Seungmin’s bags. He had a feeling they wouldn’t be returning to practice.
He entered the bathroom and saw that one stall was occupied. “Seungmin?” He heard a hum. “Do you have a pad in your bag?”
“No.” He sounded scared. “Wasn’t… Wasn’t supposed to come soon.”
Felix assumed he meant his period. “That’s okay. Should I go get one from a noona? I can say it’s for someone else.”
Felix listened to Seungmin’s shaky breathing through the stall door before the younger boy whispered, “Yes, please.”
“I’ll be back in a few minutes, I promise.” He slid Seungmin’s bag under the stall door before he left to find someone. It didn’t take long, as he soon saw a familiar noona walking down the hallway. She didn’t suspect anything, thankfully, and praised Felix for being so kind. He blushed when she said it, even though he had lied to her.
Felix quickly went back to the bathroom and heard Seungmin hiccuping in the stall.
“Shh, it’ll be okay, Seungmin,” he comforted. He held the pad underneath the door until Seungmin took it.
“Lixie, I… I need clothes,” he said quietly. His voice was so upset that it broke Felix’s heart.
“I don’t have any, Min,” he said apologetically. “Some of the members always bring extras, though. Should I ask them for some?”
Seungmin whined through the door. “Lixie…”
“I know, Seungmin. I don’t have to tell them, but they’d be suspicious. I don’t know what else to offer you.”
Seungmin hiccuped again and sniffled. “Just… Okay. Please.”
“I’ll be right back, okay? Do you need both underwear and pants?”
“I… Boxers won’t work. Just pants.” Felix assumed Seungmin would wear his soiled underwear until they got home because the pad couldn’t fit properly on boxers. His chest clenched.
“Okay. I’ll be back soon, just hold tight.” He spoke softly for the younger boy before he left the bathroom again. When he entered the practice room, the members were in the middle of God’s Menu choreography. They all paused when he entered.
“Does anyone have an extra pair of pants I can borrow?” Everyone looked at him in confusion.
“What, did Seungmin wet himself or something?” Minho joked. When he noticed Felix’s serious expression, he relented. “I have some sweats?”
Felix nodded quickly, so Minho went to his bag and pulled them out. Minho’s legs were thicker than Seungmin’s despite being shorter, so they should fit him fine. Felix had to ask for one more thing, though.
“Does anyone have extra underwear, by chance?” He winced as he spoke. Everyone was confused now - did Seungmin actually pee himself?
“Um… I have boxers?” Changbin offered. Felix shook his head.
“No, it has to be briefs.” He looked at Hyunjin when he said that. They tended to wear boxers while dancing, but Hyunjin was the only one that wore briefs often.
Everyone was more confused. “I have an extra pair, but… Why?”
“I’ll tell you later. Can you hurry up, please?” Felix sounded desperate so Hyunjin quickly pulled out the underwear and handed it awkwardly to Felix.
“Thank you,” the younger boy rushed out before leaving again. The members were left in confusion and worry, but that was the last thing on his mind.
“Minnie,” he called as he entered the bathroom. “I got you briefs, too.”
Seungmin sniffled. “Really?”
“Yep.” He held them under the stall door for Seungmin and the younger boy took them gratefully.
“Can you… Can you leave for a minute?”
“Of course, Minnie.” He took his own bag and sat on the bench outside of the bathroom until he heard a toilet flush and a stall door open. He went back into the bathroom and pulled Seungmin into a hug, not minding the dirty clothes in his hands.
“I’m sorry, Seungminnie.” He rubbed Seungmin’s back as the younger boy hiccuped into his shoulder.
“Not your fault,” he murmured. Felix just hummed softly.
At that moment, Seungmin’s whole body tensed, and his breathing became shallow and harsh. Felix tried to pull him away but Seungmin was too stiff.
“Seungmin?” Seungmin let out a gasp after a few more seconds before his body relaxed again. “Are you okay?”
“Cramps,” he whimpered. Felix ran a hand through his hair. “I wanna go home.”
“We will, Seungminnie. I just have to call the manager to get us a driver, okay?” Seungmin nodded, and Felix pulled out his phone, his other arm still tight around Seungmin.
The manager was the only one other than Felix who knew that Seungmin was transgender. He had to tell the manager when he was accepted into the company, and luckily he was still able to train and debut. Not even Chan knew; Seungmin was too nervous to bring it up with anyone.
The manager was understanding of Seungmin’s situation and immediately sent a driver, who would be there any minute. He told Felix that he would find Seungmin’s prescription details and get it for him as quickly as possible, and Felix thanked him profusely.
“Come on, Seungminnie,” he said, grabbing Seungmin’s bag as well before guiding the younger boy out of the room. Seungmin’s clothes were bundled in a ball, and he made sure that the dirty parts were hidden for any passerby to see.
Their driver was there when they exited the building, and they both climbed into the car quickly. Seungmin stared out the window while Felix held his hand, and he squeezed impossibly tight when he felt another cramp. Felix didn’t complain and just rubbed his thumb over the back of Seungmin’s hand.
The younger boy still didn’t say much when they entered the dorm. Felix texted Chan that he and Seungmin were back at the dorm because he was sick, and Chan didn’t question him.
Seungmin went to his room immediately, and Felix gave him a few minutes to himself. Seungmin had never gotten his period before while he was at JYPE, so Felix didn’t know what would help him the most. He knew what his sister preferred for hers, though, so he settled on grabbing light snacks, water, pain medication, and a heating pad.
“Seungmin-ah?” he called, stepping into the younger boy’s room. He saw Seungmin curled up tightly in bed underneath a thick blanket, his face shoved into his pillow. He wasn’t moving.
Felix sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed Seungmin’s back. “I got some things for you.”
Seungmin looked up, and Felix’s breath caught when he saw the red eyes, wet cheeks, and sadness on the boy’s face. Seungmin’s eyes fell on Felix’s supplies.
“I wasn’t sure what you wanted, so I just found what my sister likes. I can get you anything else you want, just tell me and—“
“Lixie,” Seungmin whispered, sniffling. “Thank you.” Felix gave him a smile and Seungmin sat up with a grimace. He hated the feeling in his pants, but he couldn’t bring himself to shower or clean up. Or see whatever was happening down there.
Felix set the heating pad on Seungmin’s lap and plugged it in, setting it to medium heat. It was the heating pad that Minho bought because of his joints, but Felix knew he wouldn’t mind him borrowing it just this once.
Seungmin brought it underneath the blanket and his shirt to press it against his stomach, and he shivered at the cold sensation. Maybe he should have waited until it warmed up.
“Take these, Min.” Felix gave him the cold water bottle and pain medication, and Seungmin swallowed it immediately. He hadn't cried too much, but he still felt the headache and thirst that came afterwards - not to mention the upcoming cramps. Felix put the snacks on Seungmin’s bedside table for now. “Do you want anything else?” Felix asked after Seungmin set the water bottle down.
Seungmin just opened his arms, surprising the older boy. He didn’t hesitate, though, as he sat next to Seungmin and held him close.
That was how the members found them a few hours later: Felix’s arm around Seungmin’s shoulders while the younger boy curled into his side and rested his head on Felix’s shoulder, tired and stressed.
All of the members came to Minho's and the maknaes’ dorm rather than their own because they were worried about Seungmin. None of them noticed anything off about him except for Hyunjin, who thought he had seen something dark on the thigh of Seungmin’s joggers. He had assumed it was a shadow.
“Hey,” Chan greeted softly, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Seungmin. He noticed the heating pad snuck under the blanket and was immediately worried. “Are you hurt?”
Seungmin shook his head, but his eyes were nervous and pained.
Chan reached his hand out to gently feel Seungmin’s forehead. “Are you sick? You’re not very warm.” Seungmin gulped.
“I’m not sick,” he said quietly. Everyone was more attentive at that, curious and concerned.
“What’s wrong?” Chan asked. He glanced at Felix and said, “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to.” Felix looked worried and uncertain, and Chan wasn’t sure what to do.
“No, I… I do.” Felix looked at Seungmin, and the younger boy sat up straighter, wincing. Everyone noticed his expression and saw how Felix squeezed him tighter. He looked down at his fiddling hands, using his wrists to apply pressure to his stomach.
He took a deep breath and leaned into Felix again. “I’m trans,” he whispered.
“What?”
He closed his eyes. “I’m transgender,” he said, voice shaking.
Everything paused.
Seungmin squeezed his hands into fists at the unnerving silence, but then he felt someone embracing him.
“Thank you for sharing that with us, Seungminnie,” Chan assured. He sounded shocked, but his words helped Seungmin know that he wasn’t upset.
But Chan and Felix were both from Australia. Korea was much stricter with these untraditional concepts.
Chan rubbed his back and lifted his chin to make eye contact. “You’re still our Seungmin. That’ll never change, okay? You’re so brave for telling us.”
“Yeah,” Jisung piped in. “I mean, I’m shocked for sure, but it doesn’t change anything. We know you a little better now, but we love you all the same.” He gave Seungmin a smile when their eyes met and Seungmin returned it. His eyes went to the others.
“It’s okay, Seungmin-ah,” Minho said quietly. “Like hyung said, you’re the same person you were yesterday. I’m glad you trust us enough to tell us.”
Hyunjin sat on the end of the bed. “I love you, Seungminnie, and that’ll never change. I support you fully.”
“I love you too, hyung,” Jeongin told him. “You’re always there for me. I’m here for you too. Always.”
Seungmin gave him a small smile before looking at Changbin. The older boy had a contemplative look on his face as he stared at Seungmin, his arms crossed and unmoving. Seungmin gulped.
“Hyung?” he whispered, tears brimming. His watery voice must have knocked Changbin out of his head. Changbin saw how Felix held Seungmin a little tighter and the scared look on his face, and he realized that he messed up.
He quickly sat next to Felix and reached out to hold Seungmin’s hand. “Sorry, Seungmin, I’m not upset. I promise.” Seungmin relaxed slightly. “I was just surprised, and… I helped my cousin a lot when she came out as trans. I was just reminded of her and thought about how I can help you.”
Seungmin let out a sob. Screw his period and the emotional hormones that came with it.
Felix pulled him close and shushed him while Chan rubbed his back and Changbin held his hand. He was so relieved, and his jumbled body showed it through his emotional output.
He let out another sob when a harsh cramp hit him. He dug his nails into his arm to try to relieve himself of some of the pain, but Felix immediately pulled it away and intertwined their fingers.
“Shh, don’t do that, Minnie.” Seungmin hiccupped, his body tense until the cramp ended.
“Are you okay?” Jisung asked worriedly. They probably didn’t realize what was happening.
“His period started during practice,” Felix supplied, carding his hand through Seungmin’s hair. “That’s why we left. His cramps are pretty bad since he hasn’t had it in a long time.”
“His period?” Chan asked, confused. “Does he normally get it?”
Felix sighed. “He can’t refill his prescription until next week. He wasn’t supposed to get it for at least a few more weeks, though, that’s why it’s hitting him so hard. The manager said he’d get his prescription as soon as possible.”
“Oh,” Jisung mumbled. “What… How can we help?”
Felix looked at Seungmin, who was wiping his eyes. “I don’t know… I just need to lie down, I think. To sleep.” He was exhausted.
“Okay,” Chan said. “Can we talk to you later about this?” Seungmin nodded. “Let me know if you need another day off, okay? Does the manager know?”
“Yeah,” Seungmin mumbled. “Thank you, hyung.”
“Of course, Min.” Chan stood and the others followed. “Let us know if you need anything. We can make something easy for dinner if you’d like.” Seungmin just nodded, so Chan ushered the others out of the room - except for Changbin.
“Can I stay, Seungminnie?” Seungmin looked at him and nodded, so the older boy moved to sit on his other side.
“I’m tired.”
“Let’s lie down,” Felix suggested. “Do you still want the heating pad?”
Seungmin shook his head; it had been on for too long already, and over time it lost its effectiveness. Felix took it and turned it off before he threw it on the floor. When Seungmin shifted forward to lie down, he paused.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” he said.
“Do you have everything you need?” Felix asked. Seungmin nodded. He had a couple of pads in one of his dresser drawers despite never needing them, but he kept them there just in case. He was glad that he did.
Seungmin stood up slowly and walked over to the dresser, digging through his old pajamas to find them. He wrapped his hand around the green square, trying to hide it despite the others already knowing. He didn’t look back at them as he left the room.
The feeling when he walked made him sick to his stomach.
He didn’t look down as he quickly changed his pad and cleaned up, but when he got it on his hand, he couldn’t help but gag. He hated it so much.
He immediately washed his hands and stared into the mirror. He felt nauseous.
He kneeled in front of the toilet and spilled his guts, which only fueled his aching stomach. Someone must have heard him, because he heard a knock on the door after a few productive heaves.
“Seungmin? Can I come in?” He coughed and hummed affirmatively, his hands clutching the toilet bowl. The door opened quickly and closed again, then Hyunjin kneeled at his side. “What can I do?”
Seungmin just shook his head and coughed, spitting into the toilet. He rested his elbows on the toilet to hold his head in his hands, his eyes closed as he panted, then one of his hands left to search for Hyunjin’s. Hyunjin took it immediately, but Seungmin brought it to his stomach. Hyunjin caught on quickly and lightly rubbed his stomach, and Seungmin applied a little more pressure. Rather than pushing more bile up his throat, the movement kept his insides intact and reduced the ache.
Seungmin’s hand went back to his head, and Hyunjin continued his ministrations.
“Did you take any pain medicine?” Seungmin nodded, and Hyunjin hummed empathetically. “It sounds like it hurts. I’m sorry.”
“‘S okay,” he mumbled, closing his eyes. Hyunjin took a wad of toilet paper and gently wiped Seungmin’s face with his free hand.
“Let’s get you to bed, hm?” he suggested gently. Seungmin nodded, and Hyunjin helped him stand, flushing the toilet. Seungmin paused for a moment and insisted on brushing his teeth, at which Hyunjin smiled and didn’t argue. Then he guided Seungmin back to his bedroom where Changbin and Felix were conversing quietly. They looked up when they entered, and Hyunjin brought Seungmin back to them.
“He threw up,” he whispered, and Changbin and Felix’s faces contorted in sympathy. Changbin helped Seungmin climb in between him and Felix, and the younger boy lay down immediately. Changbin followed suit, but Felix stayed upright.
“Rub his stomach,” Hyunjin told him, “he likes it.” Felix gave him an appreciative smile before Hyunjin patted Seungmin’s head and left the room, leaving Seungmin with the two most knowledgeable about his situation.
Seungmin hugged Felix’s leg and rested his head on the older boy’s thigh while Felix gently ran his fingers through his hair. Changbin spooned Seungmin and carefully touched his stomach, relieved when Seungmin sighed. He rubbed it gently and felt the younger boy sink into the mattress.
“Sleep well, Seungminnie,” he whispered, kissing the back of his head. “We’re here for you.”
Seungmin slept one of his best sleeps before he was woken up for dinner, the reassurance of his members relaxing him.