Archive of Our Own

Aguni liked the early mornings. It was quiet, like the world was still just starting to wake up, and it was peaceful. And especially after six years of little feet trampling through the house and loud voices screaming and laughing, he valued the peace of the early morning and enjoyed it when he could.

It was even more enjoyable when he wasn’t in bed alone, he thought as he looked down at the man in bed next to him. Arisu lay snuggled up next to him, his head flopped onto Aguni’s chest and skinny arm splayed over his torso. He had latched onto him at some point during the night, which Aguni knew because he woke up in the middle of the night to find him like this. Arisu’s hair fell over his eyes, and his jaw was slack. He looked beautifully tranquil.

Aguni was unable to stop a soft smile from creeping over his face. This wasn’t the first time Arisu had spent the night at his house. But last night, something different had compelled Aguni to invite Arisu to come home with him. It felt right, like he should. Like Arisu was meant to come home with him.

He quickly shut the door and pressed Arisu against the wall, devouring his lips in another kiss. Arisu moaned into his mouth and threw his arms around his neck, hands fisting at his shirt. “Mmph, you’re,” he feverishly kissed him and giggled, “you’re really hot.”

Aguni grinned. “Yeah?” He looked over Arisu’s form, his clothes showing off how skinny he was. “So are you.”

Arisu’s face flushed pink and he giggled nervously. “Shut up…”

“Nope.” He threw his arm around Arisu’s waist to pull him closer. “You’re fucking sexy.”

He watched Arisu’s eyes dilate and heard him laugh from arousal before kissing him again. He heard and felt Arisu moan as he licked his way into his mouth. He needed this, needed him so badly. The younger man fit so perfectly in his arms, like he was meant to be there. He wanted to keep him in his arms like this for—

“Well, isn’t this nice?”

And then the moment was rudely interrupted. Aguni lifted his head away to glare at Takeru, who simply leaned against the foyer entrance with a wide grin. “Do you mind?“ he ground out.

“I’d say get a room, but this is your house,” Takeru snickered. He nodded at Arisu. “Hi, Arisu.”

The younger man ducked his head, blushing sheepishly. “Hi, Takeru.”

“Are the boys okay?” Aguni asked, hoping to change the subject. Also because he needed to know if he would have relative privacy while he spent the next two hours with Arisu’s legs wrapped around his neck.

“They went down about two hours ago. I wore them out with a little dance party.” Takeru laughed. “My mini doppelgänger has some good moves. He must’ve gotten them from his mom.”

Aguni huffed while Arisu laughed quietly next to him. “But they’re asleep?”

“Like rocks.” Takeru’s wide grin appeared again. “So you won’t wake them up with the little dance party you’ll be having. Hey, Arisu, you should give Mori-chan a dance. Like a lap dance—”

“Shut up,” Aguni growled. “And get out.”

“Alright, alright,” Takeru laughed. “I’m leaving.” He quickly threw on his shoes and moved past them to leave. “Have fun, kiddos,” he sang.

Aguni huffed as the door closed behind him. “Sorry about him.”

“It’s fine,” Arisu laughed. He grinned up at Aguni and rubbed his chest. “I could give you a lap dance if you want.”

“Fuck,” Aguni groaned as he immediately imagined it. He grinned down at him. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

Arisu laughed and kissed him again. “Take me to bed?”

“Of course.”

And when he laid Arisu down on his bed, he couldn’t help thinking how it looked like he belonged there. So he captured his lips in another fiery kiss.

Aguni smirked a bit as he caught sight of the hickeys poking out from under Arisu’s shirt (well, technically his shirt that Arisu had thrown on before getting into bed). He wrapped his arm around Arisu waist and kissed his head, then laid his head back comfortably against a pillow. He felt… relaxed. It was strange, feeling this way. Ever since childhood and then during his time in the military, he’d had to stay alert, tense, aware of his surroundings at all times. But after spending so many nights with Arisu, after waking up to Arisu’s limbs wrapped around him so many times, he decided he could get used to relaxing.

He felt Arisu stir, stretching out his legs. Then he heard Arisu’s quiet, sleep-roughened voice. “Hey.”

Aguni smiled up at the ceiling. “Morning.” He let his hand play idly with Arisu’s hair. “Sleep well?”

“Mm hm,” Arisu grumbled. Aguni glanced down in time to see him yawn widely. “‘M sore…” He lifted his head to squint accusingly up at him, his face adorably scrunched up. “Don’t look so smug.”

“Sorry,” Aguni said with a wide grin.

“No, you’re not,” Arisu grumbled.

Aguni chuckled. “No, I’m not.” His fingers stroked Arisu’s hair. He wanted to whisper to Arisu that he was happy he stayed. He was always happy when Arisu stayed over. They’d been together for nearly two years now, and it was already disappointing when Aguni had to sleep alone.

Arisu grumbled softly, rubbing his cheek against his chest. “‘S it early?”

“Yeah.”

“So the twins aren’t up yet?”

As childish as it seemed, Aguni’s heart couldn’t help fluttering at how casually Arisu had said that. “They should still be asleep.”

But it seemed he’d spoken too soon, because two seconds later, they heard a thump outside in the hallway. Aguni sighed. “Or not.”

Arisu laughed sleepily. “I summoned them,” he mumbled. “‘M a wizard.”

Aguni chuckled and rubbed his shoulder. “A very pretty wizard.”

His smile widened as Arisu’s face blushed pink before he hid it in his chest. “Shut up…”

Aguni laughed. Then he turned to the door as he heard the doorknob turn. The door slowly swung open, and as it did, little whispers came from the hallway.

“You gotta be quiet!”

“Im trying! The stupid door’s too loud! Hey, don’t poke me!”

“Daddy said stupid’s a bad word!”

“But Uncle Takeru said it’s okay if it’s true!”

“Is Daddy in there? I’m hungry…”

Aguni smiled as two dark-haired boys slipped into the room, still clad in their pajamas. “Daddy?” one said aloud.

Aguni sat up, looking fondly at his sons. “Good morning, boys.”

“Daddy!” Takeru ran over to the edge of the bed, his brother scurrying after him. “We’re hungry! We wanna eat!”

“Pancakes!” Satoru exclaimed.

“Yeah, pancakes!”

Aguni sighed, but smiled. “Is that why you’re up so early? Because you’re hungry?”

“Yeah!” the boys chorused.

Aguni chuckled. “Okay. I guess we can have pancakes.”

Arisu chose that moment to lift himself up, propping himself on an elbow with a tired smile. “Can I have some pancakes?”

At the sight of him, Takeru and Satoru’s faces brightened even more. “Ryo!” Takeru shrieked happily, rushing to climb up onto the bed. He jumped over Aguni’s legs to excitedly fling himself at Arisu. “Hi, Ryo!”

“Hi, Takeru,” Arisu laughed, hugging him.

“I want a hug!” Satoru piped up as he struggled to climb up onto the bed. “I want a hug too!”

Aguni chuckled and bent down to lift him up, then watched him hug Arisu’s other side. “Did you have another sleepover with Daddy, Ryo?” Satoru asked.

Arisu laughed. “Yeah, I did.”

“How come we can’t come to the sleepover?” Takeru complained. “I wanna have a sleepover with you, Ryo!”

“Me too!” Satoru nodded his head wildly, his mop of hair flailing around.

“It’s a grownups only sleepover,” Aguni butted in. “No kids allowed.”

Arisu grinned at him. “Yeah, Daddy.”

Aguni scoffed and poked his side. Arisu jerked and giggled. “What? That’s your name. Right, boys?”

“Yeah, Daddy’s Daddy!” Takeru agreed.

Aguni rolled his eyes at Arisu’s smug grin. “So how about pancakes?”

That immediately had the twins’ attention. “Pancakes!” they shouted happily.

“Is Ryo gonna stay with us, Daddy?” Satoru asked, eyes shining hopefully.

For some reason, a funny look flashed across Arisu’s face. Aguni raised an eyebrow at that.

“Can he?” Takeru asked excitedly, bouncing in Arisu’s arm. “Can he, can he, can he?”

Aguni chuckled. “You’ll have to ask him.”

Satoru turned back to Arisu, looking at him hopefully. “Can you have pancakes with us, Ryo?” he asked sweetly.

Something strained in Arisu’s face seemed to relax, and his bright smile returned. “Of course I’ll have pancakes! I love pancakes.”

Satoru gasped happily and hugged him again. “Yes!”

“Okay, okay,” Aguni said, reaching over to take Takeru into his arms. “How about you go race to the kitchen?”

“The winner gets to pick the toppings!” Arisu added.

“I’m gonna win!” Takeru leapt out of Aguni’s arms and—in a move that nearly gave Aguni a heart attack—jumped off the bed.

“No, I’m gonna win!” Satoru quickly pulled away from Arisu to climb down and dash after his twin.

Aguni snorted and shook his head. “They’ll probably tie and make us do a tie breaker for them.”

Arisu laughed. “Yeah…”

It sounded so half-hearted. Why? He’d been so happy to see them a minute ago. “Is everything okay?” he asked. “They didn’t overwhelm you, did they?”

“No, no, they didn’t. I just…” Arisu rubbed the back of his neck. “There was a second where I thought…” He laughed awkwardly. “It’s stupid…”

“What?”

“I… I thought for a second that… they were asking if I was going to… stay stay. Like… stay forever.” Nervousness began to creep onto his face and he laughed. “But no, they were just asking if I was going to stay for pancakes.”

Aguni wanted to laugh with him, he really did, and a smile even began to form… But then he began to seriously think about that. What if he did stay?

He remembered how right it felt to bring Arisu home with him, like Arisu actually lived there instead of his apartment. He remembered how Arisu looked like he belonged in his bed, like he was part of it somehow. He remembered how perfectly Arisu fit in his arms when they were cuddling earlier. He loved Arisu so much. Agreeing to go out with him had been the best thing to ever happen to him, second only to his sons.

And then there was Satoru and Takeru. They loved him, too. Even shy little Satoru had warmed up to him faster than he ever had with anyone else. They were always asking when they would see him again, always crowding around him and telling him about their day or demanding he play with them. Would his sons be okay if Arisu stayed forever?

Arisu swung his legs over the side of the bed to stand up. “Let’s go see who won the race to the kitchen.”

“You could.”

It fell out of Aguni’s mouth before he could stop himself. Because he couldn’t stop imagining it now—Arisu staying with him and his sons, Arisu joining their family, Arisu being a father to the twins and his partner.

Arisu turned to give him a confused look. “I could what?”

“Stay.” Aguni sat up. “I mean, really stay.”

Arisu blinked at him, dumbfounded. “Like… move in with you and the twins?”

“Yes.” Aguni stood up and went over to him. “If you wanted to, you could. You could live here.”

Something hesitant and nervous began to fill Arisu’s face. “I… I don’t know if…” He swallowed hard. “W-Would Takeru and Satoru want that?”

“Ryohei, they love you. I bet they’d love to have you here.” Aguni slowly let his fingers brush Arisu’s, taking hold of them when he didn’t pull away. “I’d… love to have you here too. I always see how good you are with Satoru and Takeru, and I’m glad because…” God, if there was any time where he needed to actually be good with words, it was now. “I didn’t want to introduce someone to them that they wouldn’t be comfortable with, or not be around forever. I—Well, you know that.” He’d told him when he first thought about introducing his sons to him.

“I do,” Arisu murmured, his gaze turning down to their hands. “I do know that.”

“It doesn’t have to be now.” Aguni squeezed his hand. “I know you want to graduate before thinking about anything else. But… Would you want to live with us someday?”

Arisu didn’t speak for a second. Then he slowly lifted his head, and the hope that had swelled in Aguni’s chest began to wilt when he saw the hesitation on his face. “I… I don’t know if I…” His expression changed into anxiety. “That would mean I’d be… a… f-father… to them?”

Aguni’s hope died even more. What did that mean? “I suppose it would.”

He watched the anxious look turn into the one he’d been dreading—fear. “I—M-Morizono, I don’t… What if I’m not good?”

“But you’re amazing with them.”

“I-I know, but… playing with them is different than raising them. I don’t… I don’t know if I can be a good father. I-I don’t know how…”

Aguni’s heart sank. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to live with them. “So you don’t want to.”

Arisu’s eyes widened. “M-Mori, I—”

A shriek suddenly came from the kitchen, along with the sound of something crashing to the floor. “You broke it!” Satoru’s voice yelled.

“No, I didn’t! It’s not broken!”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

Aguni sighed as he wondered what was happening. “We—” No. “I should go see what’s going on.” He looked apprehensively at Arisu, wondering if him knowing he didn’t want to stay with them was why he looked so upset. “You can still stay if you want. But they’ll be disappointed if you leave without saying goodbye.”

He wished Arisu didn’t look like a kicked puppy when he was upset. “Okay…”

Aguni closed his eyes and took in a slow deep breath. He had to pull himself together. He couldn’t lose his head over this. He had to be strong, if not for himself, then for his sons that were probably about to lose someone they really liked. When he opened his eyes, he would leave the room and go see what was going on. And whatever happened next was purely Arisu’s decision to make.

He opened his eyes and headed out of his bedroom to go see what had crashed. He felt Arisu’s eyes following him the entire time.

To Satoru and Takeru’s delight, Arisu did end up staying for breakfast. As far as the boys knew, nothing had changed since they left them in their father’s bedroom. But Aguni saw how quieter the younger man was, how there seemed to be an undertone of sadness when he looked at the boys… how he wouldn’t look at him.

After the twins finally stopped saying goodbye—in which they pouted and whined and begged Arisu to stay longer—Aguni walked him to the front door. “We need to talk about this more,” he said, miraculously able to keep his voice level and calm. “Because if you don’t want to stay, then we need to talk about what’s going to happen between us.”

Arisu’s face crumpled briefly before he pulled himself back together. “I… I need to think,” he said quietly. His head lowered to look down at the floor, and Aguni couldn’t help thinking he looked so scared and distressed. “I need time to think.”

Aguni closed his eyes to take another deep breath. “Okay,” he nodded. “Think about it. We’ll talk later.”

“Okay.”

Then Arisu opened the door and left. As the door closed behind him, Aguni couldn’t help wondering if this was the last time he was in their house.

Arisu swore despairingly as his fingers fumbled with his keys and his apartment door lock. His hands were shaking too hard to keep everything steady. His vision blurred with tears as he finally got the right key and shoved it into the door, unlocking it and falling into his apartment. He tugged a few times until the key came out, slammed the door… then sank down to the floor to bury his head in his hands.

Aguni’s hopeful eyes flashed in his head, the memory replaying of the hope slowly dying. Arisu sniffled and hugged his legs to his chest. Guilt and shame grabbed his heart and tore it to shreds, while fear devoured the rest of his insides.

It had all been going so well. He’d been so happy—stupidly happy, almost. He should’ve known it was all too good to be true. He should’ve known he would ruin everything. But he never thought he would… until Aguni told him he could live with him and the twins.

He felt so stupid. He knew what he was getting into. Aguni had made it very clear when they were moving forward in their relationship that no matter what, he had to think about his sons. He’d told Arisu he would be part of their lives, that they would know him as the man their father was dating. And if he wanted to stay, then this wouldn’t be a casual relationship anymore.

He knew all of this. And he’d nodded his head and told him he wanted this.

But when Aguni told him he could live with them, and Arisu thought of how Satoru’s hopeful eyes made him think he was asking him to live with them—it suddenly all hit him like a train. He wouldn’t just be their father’s boyfriend anymore; he would be their second father. He would be raising them. He would be taking them to school and helping them with homework and comforting them when they were upset and disciplining them when they got into trouble and taking responsibility for the adults they grew up to become—

Arisu sobbed and pressed his face to his knees. He couldn’t—surely, he couldn’t. He wasn’t fit to be a father. He was a former college dropout who’d quit after the pressure added to his mental issues made him have a nervous breakdown. It’d taken him ages to get his life back together and re-enroll in school. He thought of what he’d been doing when he first met Aguni—two years into his child psychology degree, working a night job at a convenience store, living alone in this small apartment after leaving home and cutting all contact with his own father. It’d been almost a year of progress that he was so proud of. Maybe he hadn’t expected learning the attractive older man that asked him out was also divorced and had two little boys, but he hadn’t minded.

But was that enough? Did that make him qualify to be a fit parent? No, it didn’t. Satoru and Takeru needed someone better than him, someone who had a college degree and a stable job and didn’t have so many mental problems.

What would his own father say if he was here?

“Of course you’re not fit to be a father, Ryohei. You’re so young, and you can barely manage to take care of yourself. You’ll never be able to take care of two little boys. You were a lazy parasite in my house for so many years when other people your age were making something of themselves. You’re pursuing a useless degree and a career you’ll never be successful in. You even decided to turn your back on your own family when you moved out, suddenly deciding I was the problem. How could you possibly be a good father to those boys? The best thing you could do for them is leave and never come back.”

He’d heard his father say things like to him for years; that he was useless, a failure, a slacker, a parasitic leech. And he knew it was wrong, he knew that wasn’t what parents should tell their children. But that was all he knew when it came to being a father. What if the twins grew up hearing those things?

Arisu cried even harder at the thought of Satoru and Takeru. Satoru was so shy and quiet but opened up and became lively and energetic around people he trusted. He held Aguni’s hand and stayed glued to his side when they were in a huge crowd, and then one day he’d shyly asked Arisu if he could hold his hand. Takeru was loud and outgoing and protective of his shy twin. He loved to play practical jokes, but never on his brother, and had asked Arisu a million questions about his job and his college studies before solemnly declaring that he thought Arisu was really cool. Those two little boys who stole his heart and refused to give it back… How could he be so cruel to them? How could he disappoint them and hurt them so much?

Still sobbing, Arisu fumbled around in his pockets for his phone. He yanked it out, went into his contacts, and called the one person he could think of to call.

He heard two rings, then a click. “Hello?”

Arisu sniffled. “K-Karube?”

“Arisu? Hey! What’s up?” Arisu heard a faint voice in the background that sounded like Chota. “Yeah, it’s him. Wait, hold on.” There was a pause, then he said, “Okay, go ahead.”

“Hey, Arisu!” Chota gleefully say. “Karube put you on speaker!”

“I thought I was Daikichi,” Karube said sulkily.

“Not to Arisu. He’s not your boyfriend, I am.”

“I bet Arisu would call me Daikichi around you.”

They probably would have bickered even more, but a fresh wave of fear and shame crashed over Arisu and he began to cry all over again.

“Arisu?” Chota’s voice immediately grew concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“Dude, are you okay?” Karube asked.

Arisu tried to speak, but was crying so hard that all that came out were incoherent babbles. “I-I—M-Mor—t-the—f-fucked up—f-fath—”

“What the hell is he talking about?” he heard Karube mumble in concern.

“I—” He struggled to get out something understandable. “I—I fucked up—don’t know what to do—!” He began to wheeze for breath.

“Arisu,” Chota said soothingly, “take some deep breaths, okay? Do that thing your therapist told you to do.”

“Just calm down, man,” Karube added. “It’ll be okay.”

Arisu managed to put his phone on speaker before dropping it to the floor. He lowered his head and put it between his knees, closing his eyes and taking in the slowest deep breaths he could. He tried to count steadily as he breathed, in for eight, holding for eight, and out for eight.

When his crying had finally gone quiet, Chota spoke again. “You feel better?”

Arisu sniffled and nodded. “U-Uh huh.”

“Good.”

“What’s wrong, man?” Karube asked. “What happened?”

A large, uncomfortable lump reformed in Arisu’s throat. “M-Morizono… M-Morizono w-wants me to live w-with him and his sons.”

“Really?” He hated how happy Chota’s voice got. “That’s good! You love them!”

“Chota,” Karube said aloud, “I think him freaking out so badly over it means it’s not good.”

Arisu sobbed quietly. “I-I don’t know…”

“Why not?” Chota asked. “What happened?”

“B-Because… B-Because th-that w-would mean I’d b-be a father… I-I’d be like Satoru and Takeru’s father, and I—I panicked b-because I—I—” Arisu sobbed loudly. “I don’t know how to be a father! B-But then I said I didn’t know if I wanted to live with them and—and M-Mori looked so disappointed and—and—” Fresh tears flooded down his face as he cried. “I really fucked up!”

“Arisu, it’s okay,” Chota soothed. “It’s going to be okay. Just breathe.” He waited until Arisu had taken more deep breaths and stopped crying. “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” Arisu sniffed.

“So let me get this right,” Karube said. “He asked you if you wanted to move in with him and his kids, and you realized that would mean you’d become a second father to them, and you panicked. Is that right?”

Arisu nodded. “Y-Yeah.”

“Didn’t he tell you going into this that he had to know if you wanted to be serious, because he needed to think about what was best for his kids?”

More shame tore at Arisu’s chest. “He did…”

“Then what’s the problem? Why did you panic?”

“B-Because suddenly it all f-felt—real. Like I didn’t fully understand how serious it was.” Even though he should have fully understood. “W-Why didn’t it really occur to me until now? W-Why did I not take it so seriously?!”

“But you did take it seriously,” Chota pointed out. “Remember? You thought about it for a really long time before you decided you wanted to keep seeing him.”

“Arisu, you’re head over heels for Aguni,” Karube stated. “Seriously. You’ve spent so much time with him—and with his kids, too. You keep sending us pictures of them and telling us about stuff they’re doing. You almost cried when the shy one—”

“Satoru.”

“When Satoru asked if he could hold your hand while you were out with them. It was so fucking sappy, dude.”

Arisu managed a wet laugh. “Y-Yeah...”

“Point is, you love those boys just as much as you love their dad.”

“B-But—B-But I—” He sniffled and tried to take more deep breaths. He had to calm down. He slowly blew out a breath, then went on. “I don’t know anything about being a parent. M-My father… w-was barely a father.” More tears blurred his vision. “W-What if I end up like him? W-What if I’m horrible and I h-hurt them and m-make them hate themselves and—and—” He gasped for air as he sobbed miserably. “I don’t want to be like him! But he’s all I know! I-I’m going to be a bad father!”

“I mean… Arisu,” Chota said gently, “it sounds like you do want to be their father.”

That caught him off guard. “H-Huh?”

“Well the way I see it, if you didn’t want to be their father, you’d be upset about committing too soon when you wanted to do more things first before having a family. But instead, you’re worried that you’ll be a bad father. To me, the fact that you’re more worried about the kids than yourself means you want to be their father.” He paused. “Did that make sense?”

“Made sense to me,” Karube replied.

“Yeah, but did it make sense to you, Arisu?”

The tears rolled down his cheeks as he thought about it more. Because Chota was right—he did want to be Takeru and Satoru’s father. He wanted to never leave them—he really did want to stay with Aguni and his sons forever.

“Y-Yeah, it—it did.” Arisu scrubbed his eyes. “I-I want to. I… I really want to…”

“But you’re worried you’ll hurt them,” Chota supplied gently.

Arisu hiccuped and nodded. “Y-Yeah…” He sobbed quietly and rubbed his hands over his face. “What am I gonna do? M-Morizono, he—he thinks I don’t want to…” Fear suddenly shot through him and his voice shook yet again. “What if he breaks up with me?”

“You just told him you didn’t know and left?” When Arisu didn’t answer, Karube groaned. “Dude! You can’t do that!”

“I-I told him I needed to think,” Arisu protested weakly.

“You need to talk to him!” Chota insisted.

“Yeah! I dunno, send him a text saying you want to talk later or something. Just don’t keep him hanging like an asshole!”

“Daikichi, he’s not an asshole,”

“Hey, at least I’m Daikichi again.”

Arisu sniffled and laughed shakily at his two friends’ bickering. He picked up his phone and went into his messages, shakily crafting a text to Aguni.

Can we talk later tonight? I really need to talk to you.

“O-Okay. I sent it—”

His phone suddenly vibrated with a response from Aguni. Arisu’s heart leapt hopefully at how quickly he’d responded. Maybe he hadn’t completely ruined things after all.

“What?” Karube asked. “What happened?”

“He responded.”

“Damn, that was fast. He must really love you.”

“What’s it say?” Chota asked.

With shaking hands, Arisu opened his messages to read the message.

Okay. You can come over after the boys go to bed.

Arisu’s heart leapt again. “He said okay.”

“Nice!” Chota cheered. “That’s good!”

With still shaking hands, Arisu began typing again. Sounds good. I’ll see you then.

He sent it, then paused, and was unable to help typing out another message. I love you.

“You gonna be okay, Arisu?” Karube asked.

Arisu took a shaky breath and wiped his eyes. “Yeah… Yeah, I think so.”

“Okay. We gotta go now—”

“No, we don’t?”

“Yeah we do! I was gonna take you to the park! And do that dumb thing where you feed the birds and I sit with you.”

“It’s not dumb,” Chota pouted. “The birds are adorable.”

“Sure, the things with the claws and beaks of death are totally adorable.”

Arisu laughed. “I’ll let you guys go feed the birds.”

“Okay. Don’t worry about it too much, okay? Just talk to Aguni and tell him what you’re scared of. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“Okay…”

“Alright. Bye, Arisu.”

“I love you guys,” Arisu said sincerely.

Karube sounded like he was smiling. “Love you too, man.”

“Love you too, Arisu!” Chota yelled. “Call us if you need us!”

Arisu laughed wetly. “I will, I will.”

“Alright. Talk to you later.”

Hanging up the phone, Arisu sniffled and wiped the rest of his tears away, then slowly got up off the floor. He needed to eat something, then think about what he would say to Aguni.

His phone vibrated again, and he quickly opened it. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the text message.

I love you too.

Aguni hated this heartache that strangled his chest. He hated how devastated he already was. Arisu’s messages from earlier had given him some hope… but as the hours ticked by and they came closer to the evening, that feeble hope began to die.

Why was this happening? Why was Arisu acting like this? He’d told Arisu what he’d be getting into if he wanted to have a relationship with him, that he had to think about his sons before anything else, and that he couldn’t introduce someone who was just going to be a casual hookup. Why had Arisu stayed if he didn’t want to be part of the twins’ lives?

No, he couldn’t think that. Arisu never said he didn’t want to, just that he didn’t know. But that still seemed like a no.

What was he going to tell the twins if Arisu’s answer was no? Satoru didn’t trust many people easily, didn’t attach himself to many adults, but it had come so naturally with Arisu—he would be so scared to trust someone like that again. And there weren’t many adults that had the patience to keep up with little Takeru’s energy and attention span, but Arisu was so patient and kind with him—Takeru would be devastated to lose someone who understood him so well. They would be crushed if he left.

Aguni sighed softly as he watched the boys play from the couch. They were playing a video game—Mario Kart, was it called? Arisu had taught them the game.

“Keep your hands steady, Takeru,” Arisu encouraged.

“I’m trying!” Takeru complained.

“Focus on the track and your car. You’re doing great.”

Aguni watched with a smile from the couch at the three of them. Takeru sat in Arisu’s lap, tongue between his teeth as he tried to do as advised. Satoru sat next to them, staring intently at the screen.

“I’m doing it!” Takeru exclaimed happily as his racer began to advance places in the race. “I’m doing it, Ryo!”

“You’re going great, Takeru!” Arisu said, his proud smile making Aguni’s heart flutter. “You’re doing great too, Satoru!”

“Thanks, Ryo,” Satoru said, too focused on the game to turn his head. “Am I doing good, Daddy?”

Aguni chuckled softly. “You’re doing great, son.”

Arisu looked over his shoulder to smile at him. Aguni’s breath suddenly left his chest at the sight; Arisu smiling with Takeru in his lap.

After a couple minutes, Takeru whooped happily as he crossed the finish line. “I did it!” he cheered, throwing his controller to the floor. “I did it!” He threw himself up and whirled around to look at Arisu, jumping up and down. “Ryo, did you see? Did you see me? I won!”

“I did!” Arisu laughed. “You were great!”

“No fair!” Satoru sulked, tossing his controller to the floor and pouting. “Ryo helped you!”

“It’s okay, Satoru,” Aguni reassured. “Ryo can help you next round.”

Satoru turned to Arisu hopefully. “Will you help me, Ryo?“

Arisu smiled fondly at him. “Aww, of course I will, Satoru!”

Satoru’s face brightened and he ran to hug him. “Yes!”

Laughing, Arisu hugged the little boy close. Until Takeru grabbed his arm. “Hey! I want a hug!” he whined. “I want a hug too!”

Aguni sat there on the couch with a smile as he watched a beaming Arisu bring Takeru in for a hug.

“Daddy?”

Aguni turned from the spot on the floor to see Takeru standing by the couch, holding Satoru’s hand, both of them in their pajamas and Satoru holding a book. “Yeah, buddy?”

“Can you read us a story?” Takeru asked. Satoru presented the book to him with a hopeful look.

Aguni smiled affectionately at his sons. “Did you brush your teeth?”

The twins nodded. “We said the ABC’s twice!” Takeru said proudly.

“Then sure. Let’s go to bed.”

Satoru let go of Takeru’s hand and went over to lift up his hands. “Carry me, Daddy,”

Shaking his head with a chuckle, Aguni stood up and lifted Satoru into his arms. “Ooof, you’re getting heavy, bubby.”

Satoru giggled tiredly and leaned his head on his shoulder. Takeru tucked the book under his arm and reached up to take Aguni’s free hand, and they all set off to Takeru and Satoru’s room.

“Will Ryo come over again, Daddy?” Satoru asked quietly, his thumb hanging out of his mouth.

Aguni’s heart clenched. “Well…”

“Is Ryo gonna stay with us, Daddy?” Takeru suddenly asked.

Aguni almost froze on the spot. But he caught himself just in time as they entered the twins’ bedroom. “Well… would you want Ryo to stay with us?”

Takeru grinned and nodded. “Yeah! I really like Ryo, Daddy! He gives nice hugs and—and he knows a lot of stuff and he—he smiles really nice and hugs—and hugs us a lot and—”

“I like Ryo’s hugs,” Satoru chimed in, smiling like he was remembering Arisu’s hugs as he spoke. “I love Ryo, Daddy.”

“Me too! I love Ryo too!”

Aguni had never wanted to cry too many times in his life. The last time was probably a few years ago, when the stress of his divorce became too much and he broke down after putting the twins to bed. But now… now, he just wanted to hold his sons tight to his chest and cry. How was he supposed to tell them they might never see Arisu again?

“W-Well… that’s up to Ryo, boys,” he decided on as he set Satoru down on his bed.

As expected, their faces fell. “Why?” Takeru whined. “I want Ryo to stay with us!”

Satoru nodded with a sulky frown. “Don’t you want him to stay, Daddy? You like his hugs, right?”

Aguni sat down next to him and hugged him. “I love his hugs. I love him so much.”

“More than us, Daddy?” Takeru questioned, climbing up to sit next to him.

Aguni chuckled and brought him under his other arm for a hug. “Not more than you. Just as much. But we can’t just make him stay with us. Even if we really want him to live with us, he has to decide he wants to live with us too.”

Takeru frowned, thinking, before brightening. “I bet he will! He really likes us, right?”

Aguni couldn’t help a soft laugh. “Yeah, he does.” At least, he hoped so.

“Then he’ll wanna stay!”

Aguni couldn’t help wondering if Takeru was about to have his little heart broken. But at that moment, Satoru tugged his shirt and whined. “Story!”

Chuckling, Aguni nodded. “Alright, alright. Get in bed, you two.”

He couldn’t help wondering if he would have to tell Takeru that Arisu was never going to stay with them. That heartache feeling seized his chest again as he read to his sons, trying his hardest not to imagine how perfect it would be if Arisu was there with them.

Arisu stood in front of the door to Aguni’s house, feeling incredibly pathetic. It was just a fucking door. He’d knocked on this door so many times. How did this have to be any different?

But it is different, he thought fearfully. This could be the last time I ever knock on this door.

He had to do this. He had to. If he didn’t do anything, if he didn’t explain himself and why he panicked, he would lose Aguni, and the twins, forever.

So with a hard swallow, he lifted his hand and rang the doorbell.

There was a pause, then Aguni opened the door. Immediately, Arisu’s heart clenched—he looked haggard and drained. He wondered if he looked any better.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Hey,” came a quiet response.

“Are… Are the twins asleep?” He had to fight back a smile as he pictured them asleep in their beds, space nightlight on, Takeru hugging his stuffed Totoro plush, and Satoru unconsciously sucking his thumb.

“Yeah.” Aguni stepped aside. “You can come in.”

Arisu wordlessly went inside and took off his shoes, unable to help looking down at the little identical pairs of sneakers and Aguni’s larger ones. He imagined his shoes placed on the other side of the tiny sneakers and his heart clenched. He wanted that—he hadn’t realized how much he wanted that until he saw the empty space where his shoes could go.

“Well?” His head snapped up to find Aguni looking expectantly at him. “I thought you wanted to talk.”

“Y-Yeah.” Arisu quickly nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

With a jerk of his head, Aguni led the way into the living room. He gestured for Arisu to sit down on the couch, and Arisu hesitantly did so, nervously fiddling with his jeans. Aguni sat down on the other end of the couch and crossed his arms. “Okay. Let’s talk.”

He looked incredibly tense and had a stony look. Arisu recognized it—he was trying to put on an unbothered, intimidating look. He didn’t want to let on his true feelings. Arisu’s heart clenched guiltily; he’d caused this.

“I-I’m… I’m sorry about this morning,” he began. “I didn’t mean to make you think I didn’t want to stay.”

“Really?” Hurt flashed across Aguni’s face for only a millisecond. “Because it sure seemed like it did.”

“No!” Arisu moved closer, shaking his head. “Morizono, no. I did panic, that’s true, but not for the reasons you think.”

Aguni didn’t speak for a moment. Then he said, quietly, “Do you have any idea how hurt I’ve been all day? I’ve been questioning everything I did. I’ve been wondering what signs I missed, if any, that said you didn’t want to stay. Do you…” His voice became strained. “I keep wondering what I’m supposed to tell Satoru and Takeru. You were willing to be introduced to them. You play with them. You’ve bonded with them. And now, you might leave. What am I supposed to tell them?”

Arisu’s throat felt tight. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I left. I should’ve talked to you then, I should’ve told you…” He swallowed hard. “I want to explain. I want to fix my mistake. Please… let me try to fix what I’ve done. And… And tell you what I want to do.”

Aguni’s face softened. “Okay.” He sat back. “Explain.”

He had to do this. It was now or never. “I want to stay.” The way hope immediately flickered in Aguni’s eyes encouraged him to go on. “I really do. I… When Satoru asked if I was going to stay with you all, a-and I thought he meant staying like moving in with you… I suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted that. B-But then—I panicked because I knew how much responsibility that meant having for the twins and—and being a father and…” Tears stung his eyes. “I-I don’t know if I… will be a good father. I mean—my father… was horrible to me. He always told me I was useless, and a failure, a-and… and a parasite, and it was to the point where my brother felt like he had to be successful at everything and call me a parasite too—a-and I don’t want Satoru and Takeru to hear that. It’s all I ever heard in my house… What if it’s all Satoru and Takeru ever hear? I don’t… I don’t want to do that to them.” Arisu felt a tear roll down his cheek. “I’m sorry, I—I was going to run because of things that might not even happen—I want to stay with you forever so badly, but…” He sobbed and lowered his head. “I’m so scared I’m going to hurt them… and you… but I already have hurt you…” He began to cry as his heart started breaking. “I’m so sorry, Morizono!”

He hugged himself while he cried. There was nothing but silence from Aguni. He hated to think about what that sound mean.

Then he felt arms encircling him and drawing him into a hug. Pure relief crashed over him and he hugged Aguni tightly, crying into his shoulder.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Aguni asked. His voice seemed to be a little unsteady. “I… I understand. More than you think. You could’ve just told me.”

Shame clawed at Arisu’s insides. “I-I’m sorry… I was scared you wouldn’t think it was worth worrying about. H-He didn’t… He never hit me or abused me physically, he—he made me think I would never be good enough, that I was a leech and a failure, and—and my whole life I’ve been scared I actually am. I—I hate my father. I haven’t spoken to him in three years because of it and—and people keep telling me I should forgive him, because he’s my father, but…”

“But you can’t ever forgive him.”

Arisu sniffled. “Y-Yeah…” He looked up at Aguni, remembering his words that he understood. “Your father…?”

Aguni nodded. “He did hit me. He was an abusive drunk. He hit me and my mother. And as much as I’ve heard people say you should forgive people for hurting you… I can’t ever do it. Especially not now, after having my kids.” His hand hesitantly reached out and wiped a tear from Arisu’s cheek. “So I understand. When Takeru and Satoru were born, the thing I was afraid of the most was turning out like my father. But instead, what I’ve learned is that I would never forgive myself if I did hurt them… and so I can never forgive my own father for hurting me.”

Arisu sobbed, his heart swelling with love. “I want to stay,” he wept out. “Mori, please let me stay. I promise I’ll never hurt you or the twins again. I want to stay. I want to try. I… I love them so much. I love Satoru and Takeru like… like they really are my kids.”

“Ryohei, I…” Aguni looked so hesitant, it made Arisu’s heart break even more. He caused that. “I need to know you won’t run away. No matter how much doubt you have… no matter how afraid you are of becoming your father… you can’t run away. C-Can you promise me that?”

Arisu hiccuped and grabbed his hands. “I promise. I promise I won’t run away. If you let me stay, I promise I’ll spend every day for the rest of my life making up for what I’ve done.”

Aguni seemed to be searching his face, looking for any insincerity. But Arisu had never been more certain of anything in his life. He wanted to stay. He wanted to be a father to the twins.

Aguni’s hands rose to cup his face. “Then stay. Stay with me, and Satoru, and Takeru.” A wry smile flitted across his face. “Stay with us forever.”

Arisu laughed tearfully. “I’ll stay with you forever.”

With a soft laugh, Aguni gave him a soft kiss. Arisu closed his eyes and hugged him tighter. He wanted it to always be this way, sitting with Aguni on the couch after the twins had gone to bed. He could see himself doing this for years.

When Aguni broke away for air, he looked down at him breathlessly, like the very sight of Arisu had taken his breath. “I know I’ve asked a lot of you… but could you also stay the night?”

Arisu laughed and kissed him again. “I’d love to.”

With a soft laugh, Aguni kissed him again, took his hand, then rose to lead him out of the living room and down the hall to his bedroom.

Aguni liked the early mornings. And he loved them even more knowing that he wouldn’t have to wake up alone ever again.

Arisu lay beside him, blinking blearily up at him as he slowly woke up. His hair was rumpled from sleep, his eyes were crusted and bleary, and his face scrunched up as he yawned. He was the most beautiful thing Aguni had ever seen.

With a soft smile, Aguni kissed between his eyebrows. “Sleep well?”

Arisu hummed groggily. “Yeah…” He looked up at him, and his face slowly morphed into regret. “I’m sorry…”

“For what?”

“For yesterday. I still feel horrible about what I did.”

Aguni shook his head, brushing hair from Arisu’s face. “Don’t be sorry. You promised you’d stay. That’s enough for me.” He gave him a stern look. “So don’t feel sorry anymore.”

Arisu smiled impishly. “Yes, Daddy.”

Aguni scoffed and pinched his side. “Brat.” Arisu giggled and moved to get away from him. “Ah ah, where are you going?” He wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him in closer, tickling his side.

“Stop!” Arisu laughed, feebly struggling. “M-Mori—!”

Aguni chuckled and let up, letting go of Arisu so he could fall back onto the mattress.

“I…” Arisu laughed breathlessly. “I hate you…”

Aguni smirked at him. “I love you too.”

Arisu looked up at him with a smile, his eyes sparkling. He wanted to kiss him so badly. So he moved in to lean his head down…

And then there was a rapid knocking at his door. “Daddy!” Takeru yelled from the hallway. “Are you in there? Daddy!”

Arisu giggled and moved to sit up. Aguni sighed and turned to the door. “Boys? You can come in.”

The door opened, and Takeru and Satoru ran inside. Their eyes lit up when they saw Arisu in bed smiling at them. “RYO!” Takeru shouted. “You’re back!” The two dashed to the bed and jumped up, then landed on top of Arisu in a hug.

“Oof!” Arisu laughed and hugged them back. “Good morning, you two. Sleep well?”

“I had a really funny dream,” Satoru piped up. “I dreamed we—we were all in Mario Kart, and—and Daddy was alone, but then you got in his car! And you raced together!”

“Wow, really? Did we win?”

Satoru thought, then shrugged. “I don’t know, I don’t remember.”

Arisu laughed. “It’s okay. It sounds like a fun dream.”

“It was! I beat Takeru!”

“Nuh uh! I bet I beat you!” Takeru looked up at Arisu. “Will you play with us, Ryo? I wanna beat Satoru again!”

Arisu glanced at Aguni. Aguni sat up. “Satoru? Can Daddy give you a hug?”

Satoru smiled brightly. “Sure, Daddy.” He crawled over and let Aguni pick him up to hug him, giggling.

“Boys,” Aguni began, “I’ve been talking to Ryo, and… how do you feel about him living with us?”

Takeru’s eyes widened. “Ryo’s gonna stay with us? Really?” He looked up at Arisu. “Really, Ryo?”

Arisu beamed down at him. “I would love to stay with you. But only if you want me to.”

“YES!” the twins shouted. “YES!”

Satoru bounced happily in Aguni’s arms. “Ryo, please stay with us! Please please please!”

Arisu laughed, smiling so hard it looked like his face would start to hurt. “Then I’ll stay!”

Satoru laughed joyfully. “Daddy! Ryo’s gonna stay with us!”

Aguni chuckled and kissed his forehead. He’d never seen Satoru so over the moon with excitement.

But Takeru, oddly, had gone quiet, looking up at Arisu with a questioning look. Arisu looked down at him. “What’s wrong, monkey?”

Takeru blinked up at him. “If you’re living with me, Satoru, and Daddy now… does that make you another daddy?”

Arisu looked stunned. Aguni’s heart swelled at the question.

“I…” Arisu said slowly, “I can be. I’d…”

He glanced at Aguni with a longing look. Aguni remembered what he said last night about loving the twins like they were his own sons. He nodded.

Blinking gratefully, Arisu turned back to Takeru. “I’d really like to be. If that’s okay with you and Satoru.”

“Then…” Takeru looked hesitantly up at him. “Can I call you ‘Papa’?”

Arisu gasped softly. Aguni’s heart swelled even more, and he hugged Satoru tighter as he watched tears gather in Arisu’s eyes. “Of… Of course you can, monkey,” Arisu said tearfully. He glanced at Satoru. “You can too, Satoru, if you want.”

Satoru beamed happily. “Okay, Papa!”

Arisu laughed, but Aguni heard a sob somewhere in there. He hugged Takeru and nuzzled his head. “Takeru? Can I give you a kiss?”

“Sure, Papa!”

Looking close to crying, Arisu pressed a kiss to Takeru’s head. He glanced over at Aguni again, his eyes shining with pure joy. He gave Takeru another kiss, then another, until he was kissing all over his head.

“Papa!” Takeru squirmed, laughing. “No! Gross!”

Arisu broke away, laughing. “I’m sorry.” He hugged Takeru and nuzzled his head. “I just love you so much, monkey.”

Takeru giggled happily in his arms. Aguni chuckled, his heart bursting. He leaned down and pressed kisses all over Satoru’s head.

“Hey!” Satoru whined, giggling. “Daddy! No! That’s gross!”

“Oh, gross?” Aguni pulled away to grin at Arisu. “They think we’re gross.”

Arisu grinned back, laughing. “I guess we’re gross. If we’re so gross, then does that mean I can kiss you?”

“I don’t see why not.”

The twins groaned as they kissed. “Ewwww!”

“Daddy, stop kissing Papa!”

“You’re gross!”

Takeru’s stomach growled, and he whined. “Daddyyyy! I’m hungry!”

“Me too!” Satoru nodded. “I’m hungry too!”

“Oh?” Aguni smiled as he and Arisu parted. “Then let’s go make breakfast.”

“Papa! Papa, will you carry me?”

Arisu laughed and hugged his arms around Takeru. “Sure, monkey.”

After securing his arms, he swung over the side of the bed and got up, lifting Takeru with him.

“Daddy, will you carry me too?” Satoru asked hopefully.

Aguni ruffled his hair. “Sure, pal. Hold on.”

He lifted him up, then swung them both out of bed. “Whoa!” He flipped Satoru upside down, then back up, making the little boy shriek with laughter.

“Food!” Takeru said, bouncing in Arisu’s arms. “Food, food, food!”

“Food, food, food!” Satoru joined in.

“Food, food, food!” they both chanted. “Food, food, food!”

Arisu laughed at them both, then grinned at Aguni. “Should you get the hungry boys their food?”

“You mean ‘we’,” Aguni said, grinning. “You’re stuck with us now.”

Arisu laughed. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”