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The second Maria steps foot into the apartment, it’s absolute chaos. She can see that from the doorway and she has half a mind to turn around right then and there and hide out in her office for the remainder of the night.
No. She can’t. Because that will make it worse.
Groaning, Maria shuffles into her apartment where she can immediately see the living room in disarray. The throw blankets and pillows are scattered about, a coffee table is toppled over, and she swears the couch is off center at least a good three feet. The only thing that resembles normalcy is Liho tucked in her favorite spot on the windowsill.
“Babe?” Maria calls out carefully, turning her attention to Liho who is watching her with disinterest. “Did you have something to do with this.”
Liho simply yawns and goes back to more important things like ignoring Maria’s entire existence. The commander can’t help but roll her eyes at the ridiculousness of it all. Doesn’t matter how long they’ve all been living together, she’s fairly certain she’ll never be on that cat’s good side.
“Nat?” Maria tries again as she takes the time to right the coffee table.
“In here!”
The hissed response causes Maria to frown and she makes her way towards the kitchen. Her eyes widen when the kitchen is in just as much, if not more disarray than their living room. The icing on the cake is one red haired assassin perched meticulously on the top of the refrigerator. Natasha’s hair appears almost as wild as her eyes as she clutches her knees to her chin. In her hand, gripped tightly, is a cast iron skillet poised at the ready.
“Nat, what the fuck is going on!?” Maria exclaims, wildly looking around the kitchen. “Is someone here!? Are we in danger!?”
All of the questions are moot points if she really thinks about it. It wouldn’t make sense that an assassin of Natasha’s history and caliber would be hiding away like this. On top of the fucking fridge no less.
Not leaving her post, Natasha simply tightens her grip on the a skillet and extends a shaky arm. “L-Look!”
Maria’s frown returns as she follows Natasha’s finger. She moves closer to the sink and examines it, frown deepening as she scans the counter tops for what exactly Natasha is pointing at. When she comes up empty, she shakes her head and turns back to the fridge.
“Natasha, I don’t see anything. What—”
“Look closer! I know it’s over there! I’m looking right at it!”
This time Maria leans in further to try and find the source of her girlfriend’s stress.
“Don’t get too close! It’s right next to your face!”
It’s then that Maria’s eyes focus on just watch Natasha is talking about. Her eyebrows drop and her lips settle into a perfectly thin line. She straightens up and looks back towards the fridge once more.
“Natasha, are you fucking kidding me?”
There by the sink is a spider, no bigger than Maria’s pinkie nail. It’s currently hanging idle from a line of webbing suspended from god knows where. If it weren’t for the subtle way one of its leg’s moves, she’d think the damn thing was dead.
“Maria! Don’t take your eyes off it! It’ll move again!”
Maria can’t help but chuckle. It’s then that her eyes focus on something beyond the spider and her eyes widen in alarm.
“Nat are-are these bullet holes!?” She screeches, noticing the pair of marks in their backsplash. “You tried to shoot it!?”
Natasha huffs and flings the arm with the skillet. “What else was I supposed to do!? Clearly you can see that didn’t work. It’s immortal.”
Maria groans rubbing her forehead. “Or you just missed.”
“Look are you going to do something about it or am I going to have to call someone else who will? I’m sure Tony would be more than happy to—”
“No no no.” Maria waves her hands, already imagining repulser holes in their kitchen to match the bullets.
Crossing the kitchen, Maria retrieves a paper towel and keeps her motions slow. “I’m getting it. See?” She carefully cups the spider in the paper towel, stilling its wiggling and attempts to get free. “See? All taken care of.”
Natasha breathes a sigh of relief but it is short lived when she sees Maria walking towards the trash can. “What are you doing!?”
Maria freezes and blinks dumbly. “I’m…throwing it away?”
“Not in here! What if it’s not dead!?”
“Nat it’s dead.”
“Throw it outside!”
“Natasha, I’m not gonna just—”
“Outside!”
“Okay, okay!” Maria holds her hands up in surrender and proceeds back into the living room where she opens the window and deposits the crumbled paper towel outside. She watches as it drops four stories to the streets below and shakes her head before closing the window once more.
“Oh don’t look at me like that,” she murmurs to Liho who she had roused from her lounging spot. “I have to put up with her too.”
Maria barely has time to straighten up before a solid body collides with her own and she finds herself being squeezed tightly.
“My hero…” Natasha hums quietly, burying her face into Maria’s shoulder.
Maria returns the embrace, resting her chin atop Natasha’s head while enjoying the familiar smell of her shampoo. The moment is ruined, however, when Maria’s shoulders start to bounce. Natasha frowns and it takes her a moment to realize Maria is laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing it’s just,” Maria pulls back, her grin wide as she reaches up to wipe a tear that’s actually formed in the corner of her eye. “You’re the Black Widow.”
Natasha frowns, wondering what her moniker has to do with anything. “Yeah. So?”
Maria bursts out laughing, no longer even trying to hide it. “Nat. The Black Widow is a spider. You know that right? Like, the deadliest spider out there?”
Natasha blushes a shade of red that rivals her hair and she shoved herself out of Maria’s embrace. “That is so not the same thing.”
“Isn’t it! You literally rock the hourglass! That’s the spider’s staple!” Maria’s laughter is interrupted and she doesn’t have time to move as a pillow comes flying at her head. “Oof, okay okay. But what about the kid? You know, the one Tony’s mentoring? Patrick?”
“Peter,” Natasha corrects her before she grimaces and shudders. “He’s Tony’s problem for a reason. Christ, he even crawls around like one.”
“Aww, baby. C’mere,” Maria coos as she steps forward to pull the other woman back into her arms despite her standing there defiantly with her arms folded. “I didn’t know you were scared of spiders.”
“I’m not scared,” Natasha’s voice is muffled by the fabric of Maria’s jacket.
Maria arches a brow. “Those two bullet holes in our kitchen I think would disagree.”
Natasha huffs indignantly as she finally settles back into Maria’s embrace. “It should be an easy fix for you. You always talked about wanting to change that backsplash anyway.”
Maria’s eyes go wide. “Why do I have to fix it!? You’re the one that shot it!”
“There might be more spiders in the kitchen,” Natasha shrugs as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Besides, I’ve got a mission starting tomorrow. Gone for two weeks. I’d say leave it and I’ll fix it when I come back, but knowing you, the perfectionist in you won’t let you do that.”
For the second time that night, Maria’s lips fall into a thin line. “Who’s the jackass that made your schedule…” she grumbles.
Natasha grins wickedly. “I don’t know, Commander Jackass. Who was it?” She stands on her tiptoes to press a quick kiss to Maria’s nose before she sets out to restore the living room. “Come on. If you’re nice to me for the rest of the evening, maybe I’ll reward you for saving me.”
Maria sighs and shakes her head as she moves to help with the living room. All that commotion and the thanks she gets is a kitchen she needs to fix and ‘maybe’ a good time tonight. She’s about to voice how unfair the trade off is when Natasha surprises her with a deep kiss, and as her hands settle at her girlfriend’s hips, she starts to think that being the one to save the Black Widow for once isn’t half bad.