Chapter Text
Never know how much I love you
Never know how much I care
When you put your arms around me
I get a fever that's so hard to bear
Living with Dally was harder than Ponyboy thought it would be. Not that Dallas was a bad roommate, or that things were awkward between them. In fact, despite the fact that they shared a bedroom and even a bed, it felt almost natural to wake up beside Dally and have a chance to get ready for the day. Today, Ponyboy woke up with warm arms around him. It was always appreciated when he got to wake up surrounded by the warmth that Dally had. To others, this would be sinful. To Ponyboy, this was his nature. He was used to sharing a bed with someone, it kept the nightmares away and it was cheaper than buying two separate beds.
The hard part about living with Dally was the butterflies Ponyboy got when he woke up every morning. The moments when he caught himself staring a bit longer than necessary when he watched Dally get ready after eventually waking up. There was this heat that flushed to his cheeks and the tips of his ears whenever he got a glance of Dallas exiting the bathroom after a shower, the short distance from there to the bedroom was just enough to bring a blush to Ponyboy's face, though he honestly didn't know why.. He wasn't the smartest when it came to social situations. He didn't know why it felt like there was this fever in his heart when it came to Dallas, but it was something he wouldn't give up for the world.
You give me fever
When you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight
Fever! In the morning', a-fever all through the night
There was this feeling that Ponyboy couldn't name whenever he was alone with Dallas. Was it peace? Was it comfort? It had been so long since he felt content with not doing anything, but he was able to just relax when it came to Dally. The midnights when one, or both, of them would be woken up from a nightmare only to hold onto the other. That's how Ponyboy rationalized the nights where he laid with his head on Dallys chest. It was warm, it was safe. When he was holding onto Dally, then it meant Dally was safe. There would be no stray bullets to tear him away, no fires to crush his back and burn his lungs. He found that when they slept like this, holding onto each other as if a stray gust of wind would blow the life they were building together away, Ponyboy felt that fever again.
Ponyboy feels that fever when he wakes up in the mornings. When he remembers the fact that the life he has is thanks to Dallas. They got out of Tulsa, they live in an amazing apartment in the heart of New York, and he gets to live with someone he cares about. They get to live off of a teacher's salary and whatever job Dally picks up. They could spend time at a bar that Dallys aunt owns. Life with Dallas was something that Ponyboy once couldn't dream of, but he loved every moment of this life. They spent off days doing whatever whim they wanted, be it watching a movie at a local theater, reading a book together, or watching some of those stupid medical dramas that are all over tv.
Ponyboy feels the fever as they dance to a song on the radio, it had been too long since they had both had a chance to relax and they decided to drink in celebration. It was the end of Ponyboys first year of college while they danced, the sunset leaving a golden hue in their apartment. The radio played some song that years ago, Ponyboy would have scoffed at and called it trashy. Now though, it reminded him of the time he spent with Cherry, the one friend he had left in Tulsa after Dally left. He figured that's what this beating in his heart was, a mix of alcohol and nostalgia.
There was no way this was love. He didn't know what love was, though based on what he heard from Sodapop when they were younger, this was pretty close.
Sun lights up the daytime
Moon lights up the night
I light up when you call my name
And you know I'm gonna treat you right
The days and nights seemed like nothing when it was with Dally. Every moment seemed like an adventure, and even the repetitive dull days of school felt new and alive. That fever never left, it was every day with Dallas that made Ponyboys' hearts start racing, every time they spoke softly with each other or even the times they fought. Ponyboy just felt things differently around Dally. He hated their fights more than he hated getting into them with Darry, and when they were happy it felt like the colors of the world turned this neon color that was overwhelming but amazing all at the same time. He never wanted to lose this feeling.
So when Dallas brought home two girls from the bar, Ponyboy felt his heart drop. Why did it feel hard to breath all of a sudden? His chest tightened up as he turned the TV off and went to go say hello to the girls. He thought he recognized them from the bar, however he couldn't place a name on them.
“Oh, I wasn't expecting any company, would have cleaned up a bit if I knew guests were coming over.”
Ponyboy didn't mean to seem bitter, but he was sure it came across in his tone. He didn't want to have to give up those moments of closeness with Dally for even a moment. He felt jealous of these girls, his mind thinking back to the times in Tulsa where Dallas would talk dirty to just about any girl that caught his interest, and quite a few of them did. He wondered if these girls even knew how lucky they were to be in the apartment.
“Ah, don't worry Pone, they're staying in the other room, they're the cover up.”
Dally said nonchalantly as the two women looked around the visible apartment, and then found their way to the empty room. They weren't there to have fun with the boys, they just needed a place to stay.
Ponyboy thought he saw the women holding hands as they walked away, though he was glad that they were in the other room. But he didn't get what this ‘cover up’ was for, what were they covering up? Did Dallas get into trouble again? He decided to not think about it and make a glass of water before going back over to the tv and turning on that stupid medical drama he got sucked into. He thought it was stupid, but that's why he liked watching it, cause he could say how stupid it was.
He’ll figure out whatever the girls were covering up eventually, for now he just hoped that they wouldn't take away the soft moments he had with Dally.
You give me fever
When you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight
Fever! In the morning', a-fever all through the night
It was when Ponyboy came home from school the next day that he realized what the girls were a cover up for.
He saw them, cuddled up on the couch and watched tv and realized where he recognized the girls from, and then suddenly many things clicked into place, and he felt very stupid at not having realized what had been going on the past 2 years.
Dallys aunt owned a gay bar, that's why it was hidden. It's why so many guys hit on him at first, which confused him but didn't bother him. Curtis' parents raised him right, to not judge others for things as silly as who they love; so he never questioned it. He realized why days with Dally seemed so much better than days with anyone else, because it was with him. So many questions and answers ran through his head, wondering what exactly was going on with his relationship with Dallas Winston.
They lived together, in the same apartment. They shared the same bed. They danced and drank at celebrations, such as milestones for how long Dally had been out of jail or at the end of finals week. They were closer than he had seen any other group of friends, and it hit him.
They were gay. Or at least, the signs pointed to that. Had they been dating this whole time? Is that why he got so flustered whenever Dally used to make dirty remarks to the girls they hung out with but not when Soda or Two-Bit would make those same remarks? Is it why the world seemed so much brighter whenever Dally was around.
He was in love with Dallas Winston.
…
Shit. He was in love with Dallas Winston.