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“Ah Toya, it’s so great outside today.” Akito Shinonome sighed.
“Right.” Toya Aoyagi agreed. “But it’s hot.”
They were talking and sharing a slice of cheesecake together at a nearby cafe— it was fairly hot out, the sun blazing onto them as no cloud was in sight of the azure sky. Akito nodded, eating a piece of cheesecake, “You don’t have anything planned after this, right?” He asked.
“I don’t think so…” Toya hesitantly replied.
“I sure don’t. Ena strangely hasn’t asked me to run any errands for her lately. A relief.” Akito huffed.
“Right.” Toya was a bit distracted— he was a little bothered by the heat, but also he was mesmerized by how the sun shone on Akito’s messy orange hair, how it made it look golden, how it glowed— Akito sure had a thing for fashion. Those piercings were nice… did he always look so good?
“…Toya?”
Toya blinked, setting his fork down in embarrassment. “Sorry. I’ve been distracted.”
Akito grinned. “What, by me?”
Toya smiled. “I know you wanna go somewhere. Where to today?”
The other wondered for a moment as he used one of the prongs on the fork to swirl the cheesecake and the strawberry syrup into a sweet concoction. “Hmm. I know it’s hot out, so what about the beach?”
The beach? Toya thought.
The thought made his skin crawl peculiarly.
“I mean…” Toya looked down at the plate of half-eaten cheesecake. He ate another small bite. “Sure, if you want to go, I’d be happy to follow you.”
Akito glanced at him. “Ya know… you don’t have to go if you don’t wanna. It would be nice to go though since it’s fairly warm out.” He suggested. Toya hesitated.
“Okay.”
“Why, do you not know how to swim? That’s okay.”
Toya flushed, “That’s not what I’m implying.”
“Then… what?”
“It’ll be okay.” Toya reassured him, and he took his hand as they finished the cheesecake. “I’ll come. I have some things I can bring, too.”
“It’ll be nice to cool off, Toya.” Akito grinned.
Toya smiled back.
But why was it weak?
After some communication with his father, Toya was able to go. As he packed all of his beach items in a bag and was about to go out, his hand hovering over the door knob, he felt nervous. Dread piled in his stomach suddenly.
What am I waiting for? Toya asked himself, and he forced himself to go out.
It was still pretty hot, and the day was still perfect. Maybe even better than it was at the cafe.
After arriving at the beach, he took his phone out and called Akito:
“You’re already dressed?” Toya said incredulously. Akito’s laugh still sounded sweet through the phone.
“Yeah. I don’t mind waiting for you to change. Just… I have a bright orange umbrella with a white towel under it. Once you’re done you can use that to find me. Got it?”
“Okay, that’ll be fine.” Toya responded as he entered a changing stall. “I’ll see you, Akito.”
“Right, love you…”
As Toya ended the call, his face felt hot. Akito said it so easily… and he liked it whenever he said that.
Toya’s eyes focused on the swim-shorts he had gotten from his closet. The giddy feeling in his stomach ultimately turned into a slight anxiety as he stared at it.
What am I doing? Is this all I’m wearing?
He took the waist of the shorts and looked at it. He swallowed.
Ah…
There’s no way he’ll like seeing me in this.
Toya frowned.
It’s so revealing. Do I really have to wear this?
People are going to stare.
Toya placed the shorts down and took in a deep breath— what was he thinking? It would be fine. Everyone else currently at the beach were basically wearing the same things.
As he hesitantly got dressed, his eyes away from the mirror and onto the ground, his thoughts seemed to consume him. Akito… would Akito mind? There was nothing unflattering about him, right?
Suddenly, his eyes had an urge to look at the mirror.
Toya stared. His hands slowly roamed up to his chest, covering it with a feeling of fear— he frowned and looked back down. He felt so vulnerable. But he wanted to be with Akito, and it was a beautiful day out…
Goodness…
Do I look okay? Toya thought to himself.
This looks awkward on me.
Toya shook his head and ruffled his hair, sighing as he slowly got out of the stall with his things. His heart-beat felt anxious and rapid. Half of his brain didn’t know why he was freaking out so much. The other half was trying to cover his body. Two completely different halves that made his thoughts swirl around like how Akito did with the cheesecake and the strawberry syrup.
Akito…
“… I have a bright orange umbrella with a white towel under it. Once you’re done you can use that to find me. Got it?”
Hm. Orange umbrella and white towel…
A lot of umbrellas and chairs were spread out all over the sand. Kids were wearing goggles as they waddled in the ocean. There was a lot of people.
A lot of people…
Toya forced himself out of that mindset— he saw an orange umbrella in the distance, and he began to go to it.
A woman in a bathing suit made a sand castle with her daughter, laughing as she used a mold— they looked like they were having a lot of fun. Toya had to admit he was a bit jealous. A guy was drinking a lemon soda on a bench, enjoying his time watching the sun.
So many people, simply enjoying the moment and not caring about a thing in the world— Toya wished he was like that.
As his feet hit the soft sand, he saw a familiar figure right under the orange umbrella—
“Toya!”
Toya glanced at the direction the voice came. He saw Akito, waving.
His heart felt heavy. What was this feeling? Why was he so nervous?
There’s nothing… nothing to be scared about, Toya.
As he approached Akito, his breath hitched in adoration and shock. Akito’s smile was bright. “Toya! I thought I’d die from the heat… you ready to swim soon?”
His orange hair was showered with the sunlight, making it glow profusely in the most angelic way possible— his smile, kind and genuine. Akito was so perfect.
Toya’s smile melted.
Oh, right. Himself.
“…Toya? You good?”
“Yeah.” Toya said, but he lowered his head. “Give me a moment…”
Akito tilted his head in worry. “Toya. What’s up? You can tell me, dude.”
“It’s nothing,” Toya waved off, “It’s just—“
He paused. Suddenly, the feeling of dread seemed to overwhelm him and he swallowed, trying to keep calm. Akito’s bright presence faded. “What? Are you okay?”
Toya stared at him. “Do I…”
“Do I look bad, or anything?”
Akito looked stunned. “Bad? Toya, you look perfect. Don’t say that crap to yourself.” Akito insisted.
“I just…” Toya felt distracted. “Are you sure?”
“Toya, I’m so sure.” Akito whispered.
Toya fell silent. A ringing sound started humming into his ears. “I don’t know, Akito.” He mumbled distantly.
“Toya. Believe me. You don’t look bad.”
“But I feel so—“
“You’re perfect, Toya.” Akito grasped his shoulders. “Please don’t think like that. Please.”
Toya felt like the world froze and quieted.
Ah…
His hands roamed to his forearms, trying to cover himself. “I’m sorry.” Toya murmured. His eyes felt watery. “I’m sorry for acting like this.”
Akito shook his head frantically, “No, It’s fine. I get it. Toya, sit down.”
Toya felt like he would cry. He didn’t want to. He would look bad.
“Toya.” Akito said.
“…Yeah?”
“The ocean looks nice, right?”
Toya glanced at the ocean. The sunlight flowed onto it, like it did with Akito’s hair. “It does.” He mumbled.
“I know, right? Let’s go swim. Come on.” Akito extended a hand out to him.
…
Toya took it, his hand cold and Akito’s hand warm— they trudged to the ocean and Toya felt the sand turn damp under his feet. Akito sighed. “It’s so cold. Nice when it’s hot.”
Toya nodded distantly. They were holding hands as they went further into the ocean, until half of their torsos were submerged in water. The water felt cold and relaxing.
Akito smiled in relief. Toya looked at the ocean, spreading far and wide, in all its glory. “Akito.”
“Yeah?” Akito’s voice was faint, like he might sleep. The commotion from the beach was like a blur.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize for anything, Toya.” Akito said quietly. “You look so good.”
Toya was silent. Akito curiously glanced, and—
“…Toya. It’s okay.”
Toya didn’t feel the tears rolling down his already damp face. He lowered his head. Akito floated to him. “Toya…”
“I feel nervous,” Toya whispered, locking eyes with him. Akito grasped his hand underwater.
“Please… it’s okay. I’m here.” Akito reassured.
The other wiped his tears, but it was no use— more fell down. Why was he like this?
He hoped Akito didn’t feel any worse by staying with him. First, his body. Now, his feelings.
“Toya?”
Toya’s breaths were labored, followed by slight hiccups. The ocean felt cold. He was so cold. What was this feeling?
“Toya, listen…”
Toya looked down at his body. A sense of dread surrounded him. He felt worried.
I need to stop…
Akito’s voice felt far.
Why am I crying?
His arms ached to cover his body, and—
“Toya!”
Toya blinked rapidly.
“You don’t look bad. You look so good, please listen to me.” Akito whispered. “Please… I think you look good. Isn’t that all you need?”
Toya looked at him, and saw tears lining the bottom of his eyes.
That’s what snapped him out of it.
“You’re perfect.” Akito insisted. “All of you. The outside and the inside.”
The ocean revived itself, and he was aware of all of the small things— the water feeling like jello, his surroundings turning into a flurry of orange and red as the sun set.
Akito wiped Toya’s tears away. “It’s fine.”
Toya came forward and hugged him.
“Thank you…”
Akito grasped him, hugging tightly. “Don’t ever think that crap again. You’re beautiful.”
Toya felt shaken. But… Akito’s words were sincere. Did he really think Toya was pretty?
“You’re perfect. All of you. The outside and the inside.”
Akito… thinks he is pretty. That he is perfect.
And that’s all he needed.
Akito grinned weakly. “Smile, makes you look even prettier.”
Toya smiled.
But this time, it was genuine.