Archive of Our Own

A/S/L?

Aha! So, there is still someone who would use such an old slang?

Well, you are talking to an Ouija board, so. What millennia of spectre did you expect?

Truth be told, since this was supposedly bought at a toy store… I kind of expected it not to work at all!

I see. Does that mean I should retract my entrance and wish you on your merry way?

No, no. You’re already here, so.

Age, sex and location? Please.

Haha. Fine. (Beat) Wait. Can’t you just confirm by seeing me?

You cannot confirm someone’s gender just by looking, you know. And also, I am not inside your house right now. It wouldn’t be right to invade someone’s privacy just because they were bored enough to tempt decades worth of ghost stories.

Oh, you’re progressive. Does this mean you haven’t died that long ago?

Depends. I only answer to really hot people, and I’m reaaaaal picky about that.

(A soft huff) You did pick up on my Dead-People-Dial, so I will take that as a compliment. But yeah, I’m twenty-six. Born a male and perhaps would die as one, depending on your generosity and how much you want a partnership. Location, well, we are in Liyue as of right now, though maybe you could not see as well since the box I got was pretty much in a bad shape. Customs, am I right or am I right?

You… Did you ship an Ouija board from overseas?

Correction: I am from overseas.

I can already tell that from the fact that you’re white, my guy. It’s no secret.

Hey now! What happened to you cannot confirm a person’s ethnicity by looking?

Seriously? (Beat) Only white people would risk their family line by playing with spirits.

…Okay. Maybe you’ve got a point there. (A shake of head, slight laughter) Does it matter?

Not really. (In all lowercase) I am also quite pale.

As in… you’re a ghost in the way a person has a white sheet over themselves?

As in, pick your words carefully or I will try to drag your legs off whatever bed you’re on.

Not whosever bed?

Please, I have manners. I wouldn’t want to intrude on such… precious human experience.

You speak a lot of guts for someone who may be an eighty-four-year-old unnamed spectre I am conversing with through a resale Ouija board.

Thank you, twenty-six-year-old male, who happens to be in Liyue.

(A chuckle) So you’re not going to give me an age range? Seriously, I am down for older people too you know. I don’t mind the age gap. You were the person who asked “A/S/L?” as if we were on a messaging app, you know?

Let me consider it.

Okay.

…

…

Are you going to tap on the board all night long?

Oops. Sorry. Didn’t realise you were, well, entangled with the object.

I am not, but it’s more like someone is tapping repeatedly against a microphone just to say nothing at all. It’s mostly a pet peeve, I guess. Used to be around someone who always drummed out the silence without anything worthwhile to add. He was cute, though old hatred dies hard.

(Smile) Your humour.

What about it?

It helps to narrow down your age. I’m assuming you were born in the same decade as I was, am I right or wrong?

I can’t tell. But I do fall around twenty-something, despite wanting you to regard me with more seniority since you were the fool who decided to reach out to a ghost.

Then I will behave as such. What honorifics would you prefer?

(Beat) Maybe gūniang since we are in Liyue after all.

Oh, so you’re unmarried?

It’s none of your business, but yes I was not wedded at the time of my demise.

I see. (A pause that is accompanied by a soft smile) Was it a relief?

I’m sorry?

Was it a relief to have not been married in your past life?

Oh. Well, no one has ever phrased it like that before. I guess I wouldn’t have minded the life intertwined with a partner, but alas, nothing really came from my inactions. I never gave matrimony much thought, really, since you can still love a person without the need to prove it to some governments. It wasn’t a high priority for me.

Makes sense. I think I am pretty much the same on that subject. Give or take, to have someone to come home to is great, but I don’t mind solitude on most days. And besides, it’s not likely to find a spectacular company like yours if I was busy with someone else.

Exactly. Now why on Earth did the man whose solitude doesn’t bother him—seek out a Ouija board?

Haha. Wouldn’t you like to know?

(Beat) Yes. That is precisely why I am asking. You know, for someone who seemingly wants to be such an open book, you’re quite guarded. Don’t make me point out that you haven’t given me any information beyond short courtesy either. I don’t even know your name.

Hm. Isn’t it best to not give out a name when talking to something unknown?

Yes, but in my defence, you rang me up from the dead.

Touché. I can’t get myself out of this one, can’t I? (A wide grin) (Beat) It’s Childe, but since I’m in a small village in Qingce, people at work tend to just call me gōng zī.

And?

And?

Does the name fit? Are you a son of some official or noble men?

(A short laughter) Ah, so you do know your Liyue alphabets. Tsk, tsk. And here I am, talking to a local with my limited pronunciations in foreign spellings!

It wasn’t that bad, honestly. I’m not a local by any means either.

Oh? Where were you from?

Really? Are we really going to do that question?

What?

It’s the question every white person pulls out whenever they encounter someone whose origin they can’t pinpoint. Mostly people of colours. Well, only people of colour sometimes. Are we really going to drag that into my afterlife as well?

I see. I see. My bad, gūniang.

… Okay somehow that’s worse. Let’s talk about something else. I did live in Mondstadt for most of my life if you wanted to know.

Got it. (Motion as if writing down air on the back of his hand) And what name do you go by? How many must one go through until they can strike a deal with you?

Bold question from someone who just gave me a work nickname rather than his own name.

Haha. Okay, I can see how that’s unfair.

It’s fine. You need to be more guarded around spirits. You guys have more to lose anyway, right?

Not quite. But I get what you mean.

(Beat) Yeah.

So. Let me get this straight. If you were to die, well, we can skip over the if part in my opinion, but—

Thanks. Appreciated that.

—Sorry. Right. But you told yourself that if you were to die, you would follow your favourite band for free on tours?

Well, not following following perse. I would still very much want them to have their privacy! It’s more like… Getting free barricades every single time until they stop touring. Making sure things go well on their way. That sort of things.

And what happens after that?

After what?

The band. What would happen if you can… no longer follow them?

(A long pause, the air is too quiet)

Hello?

Yes. I’m still here. Well, I would consider other people to haunt. Now I see that look on your face, and I do understand that tailing people isn’t the most appealing thing to do when you have all the time in the world, and people can get really annoying after a while. My first thought when I died was, would this be a forever after? I have seen ghosts haunt places, splitting an apartment complex into condo like how we would when we were alive, except a haunted apartment sells for very little and that also means no upkeep. I would like to be accommodated even after death, don’t you agree it sounds like a much better non-life?

You’ve got a point. But whom are you haunting exactly?

… None of your business.

Oh man, the band must be really, really bad then?

No, it’s—It’s my brother’s, okay? Only I can make fun of their progress.

You’ve got siblings?

Just one. We are—well—we were twins. Therefore, it’s just one but it’s also not really. I don’t know how to explain it. He used to call me Lu all the time. Sometimes I think he seriously has forgotten the rest of my name. (A long pause) Anyway. You?

Hm, and here I am, thinking that all supernatural creatures are all-knowing.

Ha. Ha.

My god, two has? Did you just roll your eyes but it’s affectionately done?

And here I am, thinking that all standup comedians would know better of their audiences.

(A laughter, soft) Fine. You got me there. If we are talking about siblings—

Which we are.

—Then I have around six.

Around? That doesn’t sound too sure.

Yeah, well. (A sharp breath) I haven’t really kept in contact with my older brothers as much as I would like. Going to war does that to people, I guess. Drifting away is just a natural part of what may take orders in the in-between.

… I’m sorry to hear that. (Beat) Is this… war you’re speaking of, still going on? Sorry, I didn’t mean to probe on such headlining news, but spectres experience time differently than humans do, and I can’t seem to tell what’s an ongoing event from what has already passed.

It’s okay, Lu. Ah, wait. Can I call you Lu?

Yes. It’s… been a while since anyone even acknowledged my name anyway.

That can’t be good. We should celebrate you more often.

Please, what is there to boast?

(Squint) Well for starters, you must be a really, really beautiful ghost in all of Teyvat nations.

Says the man who can’t even see if I’m in front of him.

Please, I can tell a beautiful soul from kilometres away.

(Beat) You’re a horrible suck-up.

And you’re beautiful. Both can be true.

Well, Childe, I assume you do know how to end this call without selling your soul to the dark side forever and end up married to the undead.

What if I don’t?

Then I will regretfully inform you that I have no need for a spouse.

(A chuckle) Oh man, even after I just did that awesome backflip for you to see?

What backflip?

Sorry, I just did it again. Lightning-speed kind of flips.

… Again, I must inform you, with and without lightning-speed backflips, that the dead do not need more sacrificial objects in the forms of someone who is physically well enough to do trick, but not mentally well enough to entertain his own solitude.

I don’t care about the others, really. What do you need?

I need you to hang up this thread between us safely, and maybe reach out to your brothers when the wars subside and you’re no longer stuck in Liyue. The border should be opening up soon at North. Please go home.

How would you know this? I thought you were not supposed to be an all-knowing being?

Like I said, I experience time differently. I know your family is missing you as well, Ajax. It’s just facts that anyone with half a logic can tell.

… Ajax?

Huh?

You just called my name out a second ago. Ajax. I never gave you my name, Lu.

Ah.

Lu… You do know who I am, so you do understand why I can’t just sever our connection, right?

It’s… It’s not your fault.

Lumine.

No, I’m serious. It was never supposed to be your fault. You didn’t know they were going to use you to orchestrate the event of that day. It was not your fault that the capital’s harbour went down due to a sudden attack. I’m okay, can’t you tell?

You’re dead. You’re fucking dead.

And you’re talking to a ghost, Ajax. We can’t both win at this game. I know Aether shipped this thing to you, some sick sense of closure since it was the only thing you had been asking him to forward. But you need to let me go, Ajax. It’s been four years. You can go home now.

Can you just… stay on here for a little while longer? Please?

… Ajax.

I should have proposed. We should have gotten married.

What?

If I did, they would have let me be buried with you. You wouldn’t be alone forever here.

Ajax.

Don’t.

You didn’t know. It’s,., There’s not much we can do.

You know why I’m here in Qingce, right?

I do. I don’t support it. But I do. (Beat) You can’t just, ask some shaman to tie your soul to a ghost for eternity. What about your family? What will—

—What of it? You’re still checking up on Aether, can’t I do the same?

You’re stubborn. And stupid.

You’re dead.

I know.

….

Ajax.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—

It’s alright, Ajax. I know.

Yeah. I guess you do.

Mhm.

Please don’t… go away just yet. I know what I’m asking but, can we please just stay here on the line for a little longer?

… Of course.

Thank you, Lumine. (Beat) I love you.

Two more minutes, better count down and prepare yourself, alright? (Beat) I love you too, Ajax. I do.

Yeah. (A smile) I know.