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Regina knew she had a soulmate out there somewhere. She’d known since she was nineteen, when Tinkerbell used pixie dust to show her an image of her true love. Suspended in mid-air, tinted in the gaudy green of fairy magic, was the clear image of a silver swan pendant. 

Regina couldn’t identify the person; only the hint of a pale collarbone and a distorted blonde curl could be seen behind the charm. The ambiguity fed her curiosity, and she quickly became obsessed with finding the mysterious man. She searched every inch of the realm, driving herself mad with lust for this imaginary stranger. 

She imagined what he would look like: picturing beautiful knights with gorgeous long blonde locks tucked expertly under steel helmets, skilled writers and tradesmen who valued their families, and noble kings who were fair and honest with their subjects. She dreamt about what his voice would sound like as it called her name, as it whispered love into her ear, as it sang a sweet lullaby to their newborn. She envisioned their days together in his palace, his manor, his hovel, and the adventures they would have. 

She thought about her mystery love so often that she could practically see his face whenever she closed her eyes. In her mind, he was angular and strong, with a hint of blonde stubble and piercing green eyes. 

After six long years of secretly scouring the lands, she reluctantly gave up hope that she would ever find her true love. The disappointment fermented into resentment and then into anger, and, after the kingdom was given over to her following the tragic death of the late King Leopold, into evil. At first, she blamed the fairy - she had surely led her astray, for if the pendant existed in her, or any, realm, she would have found it. The cruelty and devastation she dealt never quite healed the hole left in her heart, but it did help to numb it, and as far as she was concerned, that was good enough. 

Still, she never forgot. The image of the pendant, and the imaginary man that wore it, plagued her every night as she lay to sleep. She often dreamt about him, although by now the adventures were less sweet and more brutal, usually ending in heartbreak for all involved. She would always wake with a sweat, just as devastated as she was all of those years ago when she was unable to locate her soulmate.

And so imagine her surprise when, 40 years later, she stood face to face with that same swan pendant, resting against the same pale collarbones and framed by the same blonde curls, hanging from the neck of the woman who stood awkward on her porch. 

“Henry, where have you been?” She shouted to her son as he advanced towards the house. 

“I found my real Mom!” He yelled as he ducked passed her. Regina was too shocked to care that he had run in with his shoes on as she stared, dumbfounded, at the young woman in her doorway. 

“You’re Henry’s birth mother ?” 

“Hi,” the stranger smiled. She ducked slightly, sheepish, and there it was. Her necklace bounced lightly on her chest and caught the bright light from the porch, and Regina couldn’t speak. She steadied herself on the wall, suddenly lightheaded, and discreetly cleared her throat in a desperate attempt to compose herself. She took a deep breath and smiled her dazzling mayoral smile at the stranger in her yard.

“How would you like a glass of the best apple cider you’ve ever tasted?” She asked. 

“Got anything stronger?” The stranger quipped as she followed Regina into the house. 

By their third interaction, Regina was sure there had been some mistake. The pendant she wore was the one she’d seen, that was certain, but given she couldn’t even tolerate the woman, she had no idea how she was supposed to love her. She thought that perhaps Tinkerbell had conjured an image of the woman to taunt her, as some sick, twisted, extremely long-haul prank. There was no way she was destined to fall in love with Emma Swan.

Still, the shining silver swan around her neck taunted her every time they fought. It always seemed to catch the light, no matter the time of day or location, and if Regina didn’t know better she would have sworn it was enchanted. She fought hard to ignore it, focussing instead on the hard, green eyes of her foe. They always looked at her with such hatred, and anger, and indignation, and they were an easy target to fuel her own rage. Once, Regina was sure she saw lust in the woman's gaze - subtle, hidden away behind years of betrayal and distrust - but she didn’t want to think about how that made her feel. Instead, she focused on destroying her, running her out of town, ruining her day. Her hatred gave her a renewed purpose, and she enjoyed torturing the woman she was supposedly destined to love. 

The first time Regina felt any semblance of warmth towards Emma at all was when Henry, in his fearless ten-year-old way, had ventured alone into the old mining tunnels under the town looking for evidence of the curse. Firefighters were pulling boulders from the entrance to the mine, sending ripples through the ground with every displaced rock. 

“Stop! You’re making it worse!” Regina yelled. The newly appointed sheriff deputy stood nearby, giving only slightly panicked orders to the rescue team. 

“I am trying to save him!” Emma snapped, turning aggressively towards Regina. “You know why he went in there in the first place, don't you? Because you made him feel like he had something to prove.” 

“And why does he think he has anything to prove? Who’s encouraging him?” Regina was furious. How dare Emma blame her for Henry’s recklessness? She felt the familiar anger rise inside of her. 

“Do not put this on me.”

“Oh please, lecture me until his oxygen runs out.” Regina cried. By now her anger was laced with desperation. She was exhausted, and terrified, and it tumbled out of her in whines as she spoke.

Emma sighed. “We have to stop this. Arguing won’t accomplish anything.”

“No, it won’t,” Regina admitted, defeated. She felt like crying. 

“What do you want me to do?” And there it was. For the first time, Regina was shown a side of Emma other than her blind hatred, and it immediately set her belly alight. She angrily fought the fire, determined not to let those feelings blind her judgement of the clearly intolerable woman in front of her. But, as she watched Emma’s eyes soften slightly - only slightly, mind - she suddenly felt an unfamiliar desire for her. 

“Help me,” she begged. It came out small, almost a whisper, and she cursed the lump in her throat. She coughed inwardly, determined to keep her composure in the presence of her foe, and swallowed hard, lifting her chin slightly the way her mother always had. 

The pair locked eyes, and Regina couldn’t read what Emma was feeling, but there was something more behind the familiar steel. She felt as though she was seeing Emma for the first time, a tiny glimpse shining through the layers of armour, and for just a second, nothing else in the world mattered. 

After a moment, the ground rumbled again, and the urgency of the situation caught up with her. She quickly shook off the desire and returned to the mission, heart beating wildly in her chest. 

Regina felt it again, later, when they were preparing to descend into the air shaft:

“Lower me down,” Regina said.

“Oh, no way, I’m going,” argued Emma.

“He’s my son.”

“He’s my son, too,” Emma reasoned, and Regina could have sworn she heard an inkling of apology in her tone. It was hidden behind a defensive stance, but Regina appreciated it nonetheless. 

“You’ve been sitting behind a desk for ten years, I can do this,” Emma said. Her tone was suddenly softer, almost caring, and Regina was taken aback. She stepped closer to Emma, almost on instinct, and caught sight of the ghastly Swan necklace that had haunted her for the last forty years. For the first time, instead of triggering her walls, it drew her in, and she continued to advance until they were breathing the same air, their chests barely inches from one another. 

Emma looked almost panicked, but it was muddied with something else, something unreachable and hard to place. The unusual vulnerability drew her in closer. 

The same spark returned, and Regina felt suffocated by its smoke. She searched Emma’s face for a similar emotion, but she was unreadable. She refused to meet Regina’s gaze, cold, vulnerable eyes trained on the ground. 

“Just bring him to me,” Regina said at last, and Emma offered a tight smile and nodded.

Regina watched her walk away, terrified of the flames in her belly. She swallowed down the panic and ignored the heat rising under her collar, worried eyes fixed expertly on the air shaft in front of her. 

Much to her appal, Regina’s warmth towards Emma only grew. It was small, typically closely guarded with obscene levels of frustration and anger, but it made frequent visits during their arguments. 

When Regina discovered that her lover Graham had kissed Emma outside Granny’s when he was drunk, she seethed with rage. She told herself it was because Graham had been unfaithful, because he had broken her trust, but their relationship was hardly exclusive, and a small part of her knew there was jealousy underneath that betrayal. When he stumbled into her mansion that night, she kissed him more forcefully than she ever had, allowing all of her anger to funnel into passion. She refused to acknowledge the envy, didn’t want to work through why she was so angry that he’d kissed Emma. Or, more specifically, that Emma had kissed him. 

The next day, when she found the pair standing outside her vault, she allowed all of that jealousy to overtake her, pummeling out of her mouth in scathing insults towards the blonde. She was devastated, though not in the way she wanted to be devastated - the truth was, she was entirely indifferent towards the Sherriff - and that truth infuriated her. She spat at her foe furiously, and eventually all of that anger and confusion boiled over into violence, and Regina landed a punch on Emma’s temple with a satisfying smack. She stumbled backwards, shocked that she had allowed herself to act so childishly, and felt a similar wack to her chin. She cradled the wound, wincing at the blood dripping from her lower lip, and smiled smugly at Emma. 

“Not worth it,” Emma sniffed. Regina felt her heart break in her chest, anger melting into anguish, and watched as the pair walked back towards the road. She threw the vault open angrily and immediately located Graham’s heart. She lifted it carefully out of the box, relishing in the familiar, cool weight of the organ, and contemplated her actions carefully. 

She wanted him out of Emma’s life, that she knew for certain, but whether she wanted to kill him was another story. Unwillingly, she imagined Emma and Graham going back to the station, exploring the parameters of their new relationship behind closed doors, and Regina squeezed the organ with rage. The power was intoxicating, and before she could think about what she was doing, her hand was coated in a fine grey dust. She quickly dropped it to the floor, as if it was ash from a fire that was burning just moments before, and felt her eyes well with tears. 

She’d just killed Graham in order to get back at Emma for kissing him and not her . The reality of the situation set in and she panicked, bile rising in her throat. She wasn’t sure if she was more distressed over her first murder in 28 years or because of what it meant for her feelings for Emma, and she tore at her hair in frustration. 

Regina’s subtle warmth and intrigue - that was all it was, intrigue - towards Emma continued to grow steadily as they found themselves in various altercations over Henry, and the town, and Emma’s job. However, their relationship really started to change after the first curse broke, when Emma vowed to keep Regina safe from the angry mob and defied her parents to do so. She knew it was for Henry, but the lengths she went to to protect her warmed her heart, and she felt safe under the watchful eye of her foe. 

At Granny’s after Emma and Snow returned from their accidental excursion in the enchanted forest, Regina watched as townsfolk mingled. She’d had a sweet moment with Henry over lasagna, but now he was occupied with pie and way more soda than she’d usually ever allow him, and she sat to the side as he listened to a particularly vulgar conversation between Grumpy and Doc. Feeling rejected, she quietly slipped out of the diner, though not without attracting the attention of Emma, who trailed after her quickly.

“Archie made a cake,” Emma yelled as she ran down the stairs behind her. “You don’t want to stay for a piece?” 

Regina was unsure how to respond. She stumbled over her words for a second, both flattered and confused by Emma’s concern.

“I’m fine, thank you,” she settled on, though her voice was weak, strained. She silently cleared her throat.

“Okay,” Emma sighed, and she sounded almost disappointed. Regina watched her turn around and instantly wanted her to stay. 

“Thank you,” Regina repeated quickly.

“You just said that.”

“For inviting me.”

Emma’s face softened. “Henry wanted it,” she said. “I’m glad you guys got to spend some time together.” 

“Me too. I’d like to see him more.” Regina smiled. She paused. “Maybe you’d consider letting him stay over some time, I have his room just waiting for him.” The friendliness of their conversation was refreshing.

”Oh,” Emma chuckled awkwardly, “I’m not sure that’s best.”

Regina’s smile instantly dropped, as she felt the familiar heat gather under her collar. 

“Because you know so much about parenting in the five minutes you’ve been with him,” she snapped. “Talk to David, at least he took care of him while you were away, like I did during the ten years you were away the first time.”

She regretted her bite instantly, perhaps only because the friendliness in Emma’s expression re-hardened into steel as soon as her voice was raised. She worked hard to soften her own features, hoping to convey regret without actually saying it. 

“Okay, thanks for coming,” Emma said. Her tone was even but her face remained icy, with dark eyes and a stiff, straight mouth. The all-too-familiar flash of hatred marred her gaze, and Regina inwardly sighed. Emma turned to leave again. 

“No, wait, I’m sorry,” she begged. For some reason, it was important to her that Emma didn’t leave on a sour note. She shocked even herself. “I am, I’m sorry,” she repeated. She tried her best to sound sincere, unusually desperate to break through Emma’s hard armour. “Snapping at you, I shouldn’t have done that. Will you accept my apology?”

Emma softened again and held Regina’s gaze for a few long moments before she spoke. 

“Okay,” she said through an exhale. “You’re right. Archie said you were trying to change, and, well, you are.”

“Dr Hopper said I was trying?” Regina tried hard to conceal the re-emerging rage within. 

“He said you’ve been going to see him, that you’re trying not to use magic, that you’re trying to be a better person. You understand I was hesitant to invite you? I asked him, and he thought it was a good idea.”

Regina smiled gratefully at her. “Thank you, it was.” 

Emma offered a tight smile back.

“I should be going,” Regina said, and as she walked away she felt nausea rise in her throat, anger and betrayal and lust all at once. No, not lust, something entirely different. Affection? She wasn’t sure, but it made her insides ache with longing as she strode down the street. 

Two days later, Regina was summoned to the Sherriff’s station by Emma. She sat in the dark interrogation room, stomach swirling with the same feelings as the night before. She thought about her rage, and her hatred, and the niggling tenderness that she felt towards the blonde woman. She thought about how her anger didn’t quite rise the same as it used to, about how her newfound affection dampened the flames and suppressed her bite. She considered how Emma’s hard exterior no longer fuelled her anger but instead simply hurt , about how each scathing insult no longer bounced off of her but instead tore into her skin. She shut her eyes tight, willing herself not to cry, and took a deep, shaky breath. 

“Glad to see the Sheriff’s station is now a family-run business.” Regina quipped as Emma and David walked through the door. She quickly steeled her gaze when Emma didn’t reciprocate the light tone. “Why am I here?”

“You know why you’re here,” Emma said solemnly. Regina had never seen such an air about her, and she started to get nervous. “Because of Archie.”

Regina scoffed. “Oh, it’s now against the law to get into an argument with someone?” 

“It is if you go to their office later that night and kill ‘em,” David bit. 

“Archie’s dead?” Regina whispered. She suddenly felt regret for their last altercation - a quick argument about him sharing her secrets - and swallowed hard. 

“Stop it, Regina! Ruby saw you going into his office last night.” David said. His mocking tone infuriated her. 

“Then she’s lying.” Regina snapped. “I was home all evening.” 

Emma sat on the desk and Regina felt her breath hitch. She leant closer to Emma, working to suppress the panic in her throat. 

“After everything I’ve done to change, to win Henry back, why would I toss it all away now?” Regina said, eyes wide. “And if I did, and I was going to kill Archie, you would never know it. The fact that he’s dead and you caught me shows sloppiness.” She maintained eye contact with Emma, smiling as a twinge of understanding flashed across her face. 

“You’ve been caught before,” David sighed, exasperated. Regina rolled her eyes at his insufferability and returned her gaze to Emma, who was unreadable. “Cmon, Emma, who d’you think is lying? Ruby, or her? She’s incapable of change, no matter how many times we’ve given her the chance.” He leaned over the desk, so close to Regina she could smell the coffee on his breath. She wrinkled her nose in disgust. 

“Why should this time be any different?” He spat. 

Regina trained her eyes on the far wall, determined to keep her emotions intact. She was furious at David for bringing up her past mistakes in front of Emma. She was trying to change, and she felt the tips of her ears burn red hearing about her Enchanted Forest misdeeds. For the Charmings, mere weeks had passed since she cast the curse, but for her, it had been 29 years. She’d evolved, mellowed. She’d become a mother, she’d successfully run a town, and she’d developed feelings for Emma-

She cut herself off, squeezing her eyes tight in an attempt to silence the realisation. She had feelings for Emma. She had always known it was a possibility, they were soulmates after all, but her hatred had always clouded any semblance of fondness she felt for her. But now, as they began walking tentatively towards each other, she felt it. Her heart pulsed, and suddenly, as though a faucet had been opened, huge, overwhelming waves of affection flooded her body. She watched Emma leave the room with an unfamiliar pining, and suddenly her heart ached. She scolded herself for such childish thoughts, but as the butterflies rose in her stomach, she smiled slightly, relishing in the fizz. 

She spent the rest of the day in a joyous haze, relishing in the clarity and the excitement that her new revelation allowed her. She was nervous, of course, but she spent the ride home from the station analysing Emma’s body language towards her, and she was almost certain that it was reciprocated. So, she allowed herself to enjoy the lightening of her heart, indulging herself in an afternoon of baking pastries to give to Henry and drinking expensive wine. When a familiarly heavy knock rattled her door, she sauntered over to the foyer with ease, dancing on her toes and, for the first time, excited to see the woman she knew would be standing on the other side. She allowed the fluttering of her stomach to rein in her flounce, checking her posture and demeanour right before she got to the entrance. 

Regina smoothed her hair in the mirror and pulled the door open just a crack, ready to drape herself over the frame in a way that she hoped looked lightly seductive. She smiled at Emma when their eyes met, though she was disappointed to be faced with the same hard exterior she was used to. She suddenly realised that she had made the fatal assumption that Emma's hostility was exclusively reciprocal to her own, and that, if she greeted her with warmth, she would be shown the same. She was privately mortified and pushed her smile wider to hide her red cheeks. It was then that she looked beyond Emma to see her parents, steely-faced as always, and swallowed down a deep sigh. 

“Ms Swan,” she smiled. Her voice was lighter than she intended, and she inwardly winced when Emma’s eyes didn’t soften in the way they usually did. “I assume you’re here to apologise.” 

“I saw you do it,” Emma said, and Regina’s heart deflated immediately. She took deep breaths and tensed her brow to maintain her neutral face. 

“What?” Regina said. She winced at the slight wobble in her tone. 

“I saw it. You choked the life out of Archie.” Bitterness flashed across Emma’s face as if she herself had been betrayed. 

“What are you talking about? How is that even possible?” 

“Magic,” David said, and Regina bit her tongue. 

“You-”

“I saw what happened, and it was you,” Emma said, and though her tone was tight, Regina thought she saw a hint of disappointment in her stature. 

“Gold,” Regina spat. “He helped you.” The sting of betrayal caught in her throat, and she raised her voice. “You’re going to trust him, of all people, when he’s probably the one behind this?” 

“We didn’t trust him,” Snow added. “That’s why Emma used magic instead.” 

Regina looked back at Emma with wide eyes. “You can use magic?” 

Emma grinned, almost smugly, and Regina felt her heart leap again. It wasn’t often that she saw Emma’s smile, and she lapped it up as much as she could. 

“The Saviour. Of course.” Regina said, though it came out breathier than she had hoped. “Well, I can only assume he warned you then.”

“About what?”

“That magic always comes with a price,” Regian parroted, and she immediately felt guilty for her snark.

“Yeah, well that’s a price we’re both gonna pay.” 

“How’s that?” 

“Henry. He believed in you. His heart’s gonna break. That’s both our prices.” 

“No,” Regina begged. “I will not let you poison Henry against me!” Her chest felt tight, constricted, and she took deep, strangled breaths. Her vision started to cloud, and she felt heat rise on the back of her neck. 

“It’s an interesting word choice, since you already did.” Emma started to walk away, and Regina couldn’t help but charge after her.

“I wanna see him,” Regina said, and suddenly all of her confusing feelings about Emma were replaced with yearning for her son. If she couldn’t have Emma, she needed Henry, and she was furious that she was being kept from him. “He deserves to hear my side of the story! He’s my son!”

“He’s not, he’s mine!” Emma roared. It was a ferocity that Regina had never seen, and it momentarily pacified her. “And after this, you’re not getting anywhere near him. Do it!” 

The Blue Fairy appeared out of nowhere, shooting a pitiful restaining spell at her. She caught the magic in an outstretched hand with a smug grin. 

“Did you really think that would work again?” She turned towards the Charmings, who were clutching each other in fear. She threw the magic at their feet, causing them to jump, and turned back to Emma. No longer love-sick, she was blinded by her rage, and all she could think about was how to destroy her foe. 

“You,” she growled. Her jaw was tight, her nostrils wide, and the heat on the back of her neck spread to her ears and cheeks. “You will not keep my son from me!” She tried her best to stay grounded, to stay angry, but the thought of never seeing Henry again caused her voice to wobble. Her embarrassment fuelled her temper, and she threw Emma down the path with a wave of magic. She tumbled across the stone and landed with a loud thump and a shout, and Regina felt almost guilty. She stopped herself from running towards her, pressed her heels firmly into the ground, and worked hard to renew the fury. 

“So much for fairy dust,” she said, and she strode over to Emma, who was being held up by Snow. She stepped into her warmth, faces inches from one another. She meant it to be intimidating, but it left her weak at the knees. “Maybe some of your newfound magic can save you now,” she said bitterly. 

“I don’t need it. I already won,” Emma said, breathless. “There’s no way Henry will swallow your lies about Archie now.” Regina felt her stomach sink and spun on her heel, determined not to let Emma see her cry. “You can pretend all you want, but we know how you are. And who you will always be.” 

Regina’s world crashed around her. She knew the rest of the town saw her as the Evil Queen, but Emma had always given her a chance, had always believed in her . Losing Emma’s support was devastating, and she could no longer compose herself. She felt tears clog her throat and quickly poofed herself away, devastated. 

Even after Archie was found alive, Emma and Regina’s fight set their relationship back almost to the beginning. Where there was once a tentative semblance of budding friendship, there was now curt civility and passive hostility, and Regina resented it. As bitter as she was over Emma’s aggressive accusations, she missed their growing warmth, and she found herself longing to see Emma at various points in her day. 

The first real, genuine interaction between them after the fight was in the face of death. After Greg and Tamara activated the trigger to destroy Storybrooke, Emma accompanied Regina to slow down its progress. 

“There it is,” Regina pointed as they turned the corner. The black diamond-cut jewel was suspended in the air by blue swirls of light that shimmered on the walls of the mine. As they moved closer, the light crawled slowly up Emma’s features until her face was highlighted with gorgeous wisps of magic. The gentle movement of the light as the gem slowly turned made Emma’s skin shimmer, and Regina drew a long, shuddering breath at the sight. 

“Once it stops glowing its destruction is achieved, and then, well, we’ll see the real carnage,” Regina said grimly.  “I’ll try to contain its energy as long as I can.” 

“It won’t be long,” Emma said quickly, “they’ll have the bean soon, and then we can get the hell out of here.” For the first time since Archie was assumed dead, Regina saw warmth in Emma’s eyes. It was bigger than before, no longer shining through cracks in her guard, and it reached her whole face. Regina knew it was in awe of the magic - she couldn’t quite get over how amazed Emma was with every trick - but nonetheless, she felt her heart pulse quickly in her chest, heat rising slowly up the back of her neck. 

“Slowing the device,” Regina said slowly. She paused to take a shuddered breath, the stale air of the mine catching in her throat. “It’s going to require all the strength I have.” 

“You’re not going with us, are you?” Emma said quietly. “When you said goodbye to Henry, you were saying goodbye.” Regina didn’t miss the devastation on her face, and it sent bile up through her stomach. She took a moment to laugh inwardly at the cruelty of fate, which allowed Emma to warm up to her only now, right when she was about to sacrifice herself for the good of mankind. 

“He knows I love him, doesn’t he?” 

“Regina, no, there has got to be another way.” It was almost a beg, and Regina had to act quickly to stop herself from wrapping her arms tightly around the woman. She took a deep, shaky breath and settled on eye contact instead. Even that felt electrifying, like she was seeing Emma for the first time. It sent pulses through her body, and she shuddered.

“You were right, you know.” Regina said. “Everything that’s happening, it’s my fault. I created this device. It’s only fitting that it takes my life.”

“What am I supposed to tell Henry?” Emma’s voice was raw, uneven, and completely out of character. Regina tried not to notice the tears welling up under glassy green eyes.

“Tell him that in the end, it wasn’t too late for me to do the right thing.” 

“Regina, please-” 

“Everyone looks at me as the Evil Queen, including my son” she continued. “Let me die as Regina.” Emma’s face dropped, and, if the fate of the town wasn’t in jeopardy, Regina would have given anything to hold her, to wrap her in her arms and comfort her. She almost did, an unconscious lean forward and a tiny rock in her step, but then Emma turned to walk away, and hot, silent tears spilt onto Regina’s cheeks. She took a steadying breath and prepared her hands. 

“Regina-” Emma started again, but before she could finish, she was cut off by loud pulses of light rushing from Regina’s hands. Regina felt it immediately - the magic from the jewel travelled up her arms in fizzy waves, long tendrils forcefully tugging her energy away from her body. She stiffened under the strain and worked to control the force. After a few seconds, she settled into a steady rhythm and opened her eyes to see Emma standing before her, horror and sadness and a little bit of awe etched into her face. Regina let the tears continue to flow as Emma ran back down the mineshaft towards town in her heroic attempt to save her. 

When they eventually teamed up to destroy the trigger, Regina felt Emma’s magic shoot through her veins. It was revitalising, refreshing tingles climbing her arms like tiny sparks. It was unlike any magic she had felt before, and the look of awe and quiet satisfaction on Emma’s face sent the same tiny sparks jumping through her heart. 

Regina’s lingering affection increased tenfold throughout the journey to Neverland. She wasn’t sure if it was the forced proximity, or the tension in the air, or the slimy pirate that kept eyeing her up, but Regina suddenly found herself intoxicated. On more than one occasion she caught herself staring across the deck at her, enjoying the way the moonlight highlighted the contours of her face, and the muscles in her arms. She tried her best to stay focussed on the task at hand, but allowing her feelings for Emma to grow was a worthwhile distraction, and the fleeting looks she got back sent her dizzy.

And so, with her heart growing fonder every second, when Emma jumped ship, she felt as though her world was collapsing. 

“Hey!” She heard Emma yell. Regina’s arms were braced in a tackle with Snow, the pair swaying to and fro with the aggressive throwing of the ship. Her face stung where Snow had punched her, the cold spray of the ocean prickling at the bruised skin. 

“Stop!” Emma yelled, “You need to listen to me!” But Regina was bent backwards over the side of the ship, arms flailing as she tried to wrap her hands around Snow’s neck. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Emma turn on the opposite edge, and before she could respond, Emma braced herself to jump. She tried to push Snow off of her as David cried out, and all four of them ran to the edge of the ship. Regina’s heart stopped as Emma disappeared under the foam, a metal clasp following her down into the waves. There was a deep clunk, and Emma’s struggling body went limp, disappearing completely under the surface of the water. 

“Emma!” Snow yelled again. 

“Idiot!” Regina said, but it ended in a stifled choke as the magnitude of the situation settled. 

“Regina, get her up here!” Snow cried.

“I can’t, not in this storm!” Regina said. “I can’t even see her. I’ll just bring up water and half her leg!” Regina purposefully neglected to mention that, in such a panicked state, her magic was entirely unpredictable, and she didn’t trust herself. 

David climbed up onto the edge. 

“Wait!” Yelled Killian. 

“She’ll drown!” 

“So will you!” said Killian. “Let me help!” They tied a rope around David’s waist and he dove into the water after Emma. 

After a few seconds, David emerged again, arms wrapped around an unconscious Emma. The rest of the crew pulled them up with the rope, and Emma was back on the deck, laying unconscious in her mother’s arms. 

Regina looked at her lifeless body and felt her world collapse. She squeezed her eyes tight, turned away from the scene, and slowly tried to compose herself. How was she to explain how distraught she was if - when - Emma woke up? She allowed the tears to fall for just a second before she aggressively wiped them away, head ducked towards the ground to hide the redness around her eyes and cheeks. 

She spun on her heel to the sound of Emma coughing, murky water spilling out of her mouth and onto the deck. Regina drew a deep breath, still fighting the now relieved tears from falling from her eyes, and walked away to the other side of the ship. She gripped the side of the boat with whitening knuckles and watched as the waves slowly settled, aggressive froth dissolving into gentle spits. 

“I told you,” she heard Emma say, and she followed her gaze up to the sky. Sure enough, the clouds parted to reveal a serene moon. Regina pretended not to notice the way it lit up Emma’s face, illuminating her in a gradual silver spotlight as it peered from behind the mist.

Neverland was difficult. Not only because Regina was constantly in a state of longing for her son, but because something about the heat and the tension made Emma mad, and Regina couldn’t get enough of her icy tone. It fuelled her forward as they battled in tests of wit and lightly burning comments, bouncing off of each other’s faux-hatred. Well, Regina’s faux-hatred, anyway. She still wasn’t sure how Emma felt about her. 

From the moment they arrived on shore, Emma made it clear that she intended to lead the troops. 

“It’s time for all of us to believe. Not in magic, but in each other.” Emma said sternly. The rest of them were lined up on the beach in front of her, soggy and cold from the storm. 

“You wanna be friends?” Regina asked. She tried her best to add snark to her tone, but it came out unintentionally soft as she thought about the prospect. “After everything that’s happened between all of us?” 

“I don’t want or expect that,” Emma said quickly. Regina’s heart sank. “I know there’s a lot of history here, a lot of hate.”

“Actually, I quite fancy you from time to time, when you’re not yelling at me,” said the pirate, and Regina suppressed a groan, a green pang of jealousy biting at her chest. She smiled inwardly when Emma gave him a blank stare and continued with her speech. 

“We don’t need to be friends. What we need to know is the only way to get Henry back is cooperation.”

“With her? With him?” David said. Regina rolled her eyes - as if David would be able to defeat Pan alone. “No, Emma. We have to do this the right way.” 

“No, we don’t. We just need to succeed. And the way that we do that is just being who we are: a hero, a villain, a pirate. It doesn’t matter which, because we’re gonna need all those skills, whether we can stomach them or not.” 

“And what’s your skill, saviour?” Regina asked. She suppressed another eyeroll - as much as she was infatuated with the blonde, her superiority complex and condescending tone was not her favourite trait. 

“I’m a mother,” Emma bit. “And now I’m also your leader, so either help me get my son back or get out of the way.” 

And with that, Emma unsheathed her sword and marched across the beach, her parents following close behind. 

When Hook suggested going to Tinkerbell for help with getting into Pan’s camp, Regina panicked. Terrified that Emma would find out about the prophecy, she protested the fairy’s involvement, but it fell on deaf ears. Instead, she begrudgingly followed, a sticky lump swelling in her throat. 

As they trekked through the dense jungle, she contemplated her options: running away would launch the others on a side quest to find her, which would distract from saving Henry; confessing to Emma before the fairy could spill her secrets wasn’t an option, not if they were going to work together to save Henry; killing the fairy before the rest of them got to her was possible, but she’d promised Henry she would be good. These thoughts clouded her brain as they trudged through the humid forest. 

“Hey,” Emma said. Regina was pulled out of her worry cave. 

“Hey,” she replied. She tried to pretend she hadn’t, just seconds before, considered throwing herself off of a cliff. 

“You’re falling behind,” Emma said, “Hook thinks her place is right up ahead. Come on.”

“If she still lives there,” Regina stammered. “You go waste your time searching and I’ll wait.”

Emma walked closer to Regina, and, though turned away, it sent shivers down her spine. She exhaled deeply. 

“What did you do to her?” Emma asked.

“What? Why would you assume I did something?”

“You met her before, right? In the enchanted forest? What d’you do, kill her brother? Steal her halo?”

“She’s not an angel,” Regina said quickly. 

Emma gave her a stern look, and Regina silently cursed at how well it worked on her. 

“Okay,” she sighed. “We have a complicated history.” 

“I knew it,” Emma said snidely. 

“You don’t need to know the details, but if she sees me, she won’t help.” Regina said. “And if she is the way in, well then, trust me, my staying out of her sight is probably best for Operation Henry.” Regina sat down to accentuate her point of staying behind. 

“Operation Henry?”

“That’s what I’ve been calling it in my head because-”

“He’d call it that.” 

Regina laughed softly. “He’d have a better name, but, it’s the best I could do.”

Emma smiled down at her.

“Okay,” Emma said. “We’ll get her and come get you.”

Regina panicked again.

“No, don’t bother.” She said quickly. “It’s better if we never see one another.” Regina swallowed thickly. “And if you don’t find her, keep going. Just get Henry, don’t worry about Tinkerbell.”

“What the hell did you do to her?” Emma asked, and Regina felt the all-too-familiar bile rise in her throat. She sighed.

“What I always do.” 

Emma walked away with a tight smile. Regina waited until she was out of sight to let out a deep sigh of relief. She barely had the chance to relax her shoulders, however, when she was interrupted by a rustling in the trees behind her. 

“Let’s get this over with, shall we?” Regina groaned. 

Tinkerbell emerged from the foliage, arms raised in a fighting stance. Her fairy attire had been replaced with dark, practical fabrics, and Regina suppressed a gasp. 

“‘Complicated history?’” Tinkerbell mocked, “That’s quite a diplomatic way of describing it.”  

“You look terrible,” Regina said sadly. Her niggling guilt swelled tenfold.

“You trying to provoke me?” 

“Come and get me, Tinker Bell.” 

“You think you’re so smart,” Tinkerbell snided. “But you’re all gonna fail.” 

Suddenly, a puff of red powder filled the air, and Regina felt overwhelmingly heavy. Her eyes blurred and she collapsed onto the soft mud below.

When she awoke, she was bound on the floor of a cave, the disgraced fairy leaning over her for her perch on a rock. Her body felt like lead and she groaned, groggy and disoriented. 

“About time you woke up,” the fairy said. “I’ve been looking forward to this chat for quite some time.” 

Regina sighed as she tried to sit up. “Look, you don’t know why I’m here,” she said softly.

“Oh, I know exactly why you’re here. You’re trying to find your son.” 

“I take it by the restraints, you’re not helping?”

“Hell no. You’re the last person I’d ever help after you burned me.”

“Burned you?” Regina asked. “You’re the one that interfered with my life.”

“And threw away my own in the process.”

“And whose fault is that? You’re the one with the weak magic.”

Tinkerbell scoffed. “Are you serious? I tried to help you and when it didn’t go your way, you had me exiled.” 

“It isn’t nice to make promises you can’t keep,” Regina sneered. 

Regina stood and broke the restraints around her wrists. Tinkerbell advanced, holding a dreamshade-dipped arrow against her throat. 

“How the hell did you get like this?” Regina asked, mockingly. 

“I met you,” Tinkerbell said, and she pressed the arrow tip harder against her skin. 

“Okay, you wanna kill me?” Regina said. “I can make it easier.” 

She plunged her hand into her chest, wincing at the familiar pull, and retrieved her heart. She presented it to the fairy, who eyed it wearily. The dark organ thumped quickly in her hand. 

“You wanna kill me? Oh, don’t let the poison do it. You should do it,” Regina egged, and she held the heart out to the fairy. “Go ahead, crush it.” 

“You think I won’t take it?” 

“No, I’m counting on it,” Regina said. “Show me who you are, Tinkerbell.”

“Gladly,” she whispered, taking the heart from Regina’s hand. She dropped the arrow and Regina winced, rubbing her neck where the metal had been pressed. 

“Do you know what you cost me?” Tinkerbell asked. Her grip on the heart was tight, and Regina could feel a dull ache in her chest cavity. The fairy turned and walked away, and Regina felt a sliver of panic rise within. 

“Your wings,” Regina gasped. 

“Why?” The fairy asked. 

“Why what? Why did I hand over my heart?”

“No, why did you tell?” The fairy yelled, and her grip on Regina’s heart tightened. “Why did you tell Blue that I stole her pixie dust?” Tighter again. “I’ve been over it a million times, and that spell worked!” Tighter still. “It wasn’t my fault that you couldn’t find him.” Tighter. “I tried my best, why couldn’t you have left me alone?”

“Because you tricked me!” Regina yelled, and Tinkerbell’s grip on her heart got so tight that her voice shuddered. She let out an involuntary grunt and took a deep breath, fuelled by her rage. “You told me there was someone out there for me. Someone who would love me unconditionally, who would always be there for me. Who would get me.” Regina sighed. “And guess what? They don’t exist.” 

“You couldn’t find them so you ruined my life?” Tinkerbell scoffed. “Where did that get you? ‘Cause I’m holding your heart in my hand and I’m not hearing one reason not to squeeze it into ash.”

“Alright, you want a reason? Here you go.” Regina said. “You think I did the wrong thing? Well, fairy, right now you’re making the same choice. I picked revenge over hope, and you’re holding the result.” Regina grabbed Tinkerbell’s wrist to demonstrate. “A small, hard, dark heart.” Regina’s voice shuddered. “If you make the same choice I did, then what you’re looking at is your own future.” 

Tinkerbell yanked her wrist from Regina’s hand forcefully.

“I’m not gonna tell you what to do,” Regina continued. “The choice is yours. Kill me, or act like the fairy you are.” 

“You said I was a terrible fairy.” 

“Well then prove me wrong. Pick hope over anger. Choose love and help me get my son back.”

“You love your son?”

“Very much. With Henry, I finally got something right. Don’t you want to be able to say the same thing?” 

“It’s too late for me.” 

“Only if you kill me."

Tinkerbell walked closer.

“I won’t kill you. But I won’t help you either.” And she handed back the heart. 

Alas, after a sickly hope speech from Snow and the promise of a fresh start in Storybrooke, she agreed to help them anyway. 

Back at the camp, Regina sat herself away from the others, behind a large tree that she had taken to many times over the last few days. It was close enough that the others could see her - that way, no one would come looking for her - but far enough away that she wasn’t subjected to listening to their conversations or watching the pirate throw himself at Emma, who by now had stopped aggressively rejecting his advances, instead brushing them off with a playful smirk. Regina couldn’t watch it, felt sick thinking about their progressing relationship, and thus had found solace behind her tree. 

On this particular night, Snow was wrapped in David’s arms by the fire, and the captain was using his hook to pierce unsanitary holes into coconuts. Their new addition, Tinkerbell, clearly hadn’t gotten the memo that this was Regina’s Alone Tree, and came over to sit with her. Regina sighed, willing herself to be calm and civil, acutely aware that their entire rescue plan relied on Tinkerbell’s expertise. 

“Did you ever find him? The man with the swan pendant?” The fairy asked. 

Regina hesitated. “No.” The lie felt sour on her tongue, but the truth was undoubtedly more bitter. 

“Unreal.” Tinkerbell scoffed. A pause. “Do you think I’m stupid?” 

Regina looked at the ground, suddenly ashamed. She continued to play with the ring she had been twirling between her fingers, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw the fairy soften just a touch. 

“Does she know?” Tinkerbell asked gently. 

“No, and she isn’t going to,” Regina said quickly. She spoke in hushed tones, extremely aware that Emma was sitting not ten feet from her. 

“Why not?” A beat.  “Do you know how selfish that is?”

“It’s a lot of things,” Regina scoffed, “but how is it selfish?” 

“Because you’re not just ruining your life,” Tinkerbell said. She turned towards Regina for effect. “You’re ruining hers.” 

Regina sat for a moment, considering the possibility. Would Emma thank her for telling her about her destiny? She quickly shook it off. 

“It doesn’t matter, she hates me.” 

“But you don’t hate her?” 

Regina tried to give Tinkerbell a pointed look, a warning not to pry, but for the first time she allowed the reality of her situation to set in, and instead, it looked almost like a plea. She collapsed back against the tree, defeated.

“You’d be surprised,” Tinkerbell said gently. “She seemed quite concerned about you earlier.”

Regina quickly shook her head. She couldn’t believe she was talking about this, didn’t want to talk about it, but verbally admitting for the first time that she had feelings for Emma was surprisingly cathartic, and she found she couldn’t stop herself. It wasn’t as if she was spilling secrets that the fairy didn’t already know. 

“She just wants to get to Henry,” Regina said, and by now her voice was thick, as though jammy tears were welling in her throat. “Who can blame her? That’s all I want too.” 

“She can want two things.”

“Yeah, and I’m neither,” Regina said dryly. “Trust me, she wants nothing to do with me.”

“I just can’t believe you’re sat over here whilst your soulmate is over there being fawned over by Captain Hook.” Tinkerbell laughed softly, though it wasn’t malicious.

“Did you not hear me?” Regina said pointedly. She was getting frustrated. “She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Then give her a reason to.” And with that the fairy stood, giving Regina time to stew her thoughts. 

Tinkerbell’s words swam through Regina’s head for the rest of the time in Neverland. The phrase “give her a reason to” haunted her when she caught herself being too harsh with Emma as they practised magic, and influenced the way she held herself and spoke around the blonde. She aimed for an air of authority - poised, formal, and stern - without being abusive or mean, and she found it a lot harder than she anticipated. Even now, as butterflies tore her stomach apart every time Emma smiled in her direction, the heat and the incessant chatter from her parents made controlling her outbursts difficult. 

When she regrouped with the family after her stint with Rumple to find both Neal and Hook throwing themselves at her, Regina felt sick. She watched as Emma pushed them off, denying their advances and rolling her eyes at their petty squabbles, and inwardly winced. If Emma wasn’t open to romantic gestures from Neal , the man she was in love with, then Regina had no chance at all. She couldn’t help but feel rejected, and she tried hard to keep her emotional distance from the elusive blonde as they executed their final plan. She swallowed down every loving impulse, distracted herself every time she felt the all-too-familiar pang of jealousy or longing, and tried her best to stay out of her way wherever possible. 

It was going well, so well, in fact, that Regina was able to keep a clear mind as they stood at the entrance of skull rock. She hardly even noticed the way the moonlight highlighted Emma’s toned biceps, didn’t even flinch at the way her face, creased with worry, shone under the silvery stars. All this until they teamed up to cause an eclipse: Emma’s brand of magic was endlessly intoxicating and, as Regina lead her in throwing pulses towards the sky, she felt the familiar tingles rush to her heart. They pulled her in, igniting every spark within her, until she was once again helplessly infatuated with the woman. She cursed under her breath as she found herself gazing fondly at her, equally annoyed and ecstatic to be once again yearning for her. She wasn’t able to push the feelings down again. 

Back in Storybrooke, she was able to distract herself from her feelings by the magnetic pull of her son. She was overjoyed that he wanted to spend time with her, and for a night she almost forgot about her feelings for Emma. The distance helped, as did the tolerable temperatures, and she threw herself into spending time with her son. 

It didn’t last, of course - Henry was trapped by Pan, and he created a curse to enslave the population of Storybrooke. 

When Henry - her Henry - handed her the scroll of Pan’s curse, a powerful electrical current ran through her body. She felt it first in her hands - a low, soft buzzing - and then all at once it travelled up her arms and throughout her body. Her knees weakened and her vision blackened right as a large bright light engulfed her, and she felt her body fall limp on the tarmac.

When she awoke, she opened her eyes to see Emma’s face hovering over her own. She heard her calling her name, and it was sweet, and natural, and when she saw the worry in her eyes she all but melted. 

“Emma,” she breathed, and suddenly she was being hoisted up by several pairs of strong arms. She stumbled to her feet when they let her go, and her heart dropped. She didn’t know how, but somehow she knew how to stop the curse. She looked at Henry, so much love and concern in his eyes, and cradled his sweet face with her hands. 

“Mom, are you going to be okay?” he asked, and she smiled tearfully at him. 

“The important thing is, you will be.” 

After Rumplestiltskin sacrificed himself to save the town, the rest of them panicked. Green smoke could be seen rolling in from every side, engulfing the metropolitan area with crackling electricity. 

“Regina, what’s the price? Gold said there was a price. What is our price?” Emma asked quickly. She was breathless, panicked, and Regina felt a tightness swelling in her chest. 

“It’s not our price,” Regina said slowly. “It’s mine.” Every word was a lead weight, each one piling on top of the last until she felt as though she may collapse. 

“What are you talking about?” Emma asked. 

“It’s what I felt when I first held it.” Her knees all but buckled under the weight. “I have to say goodbye to the thing I love most.” 

Emma reached out to pull Henry close. “Henry?” 

And you , Regina thought, and she shut her eyes tight to block out the realisation.

“I can never see him again,” she said gravely. “I have no choice. I have to undo what I started.” 

“The curse that brought us to Storybrooke?” Snow asked.

“That created Storybrooke. It doesn’t belong here, and neither do any of us.” Bile pooled in her stomach. 

“Breaking the curse destroys the town,” David said. 

“It will wink out of existence as though it were never here.” Regina turned to Emma. “And everyone will go back to where they’re from, prevented from ever returning.”

“You’ll go back to the enchanted forest?” Emma asked. 

“All of us, except Henry. He will stay here because he was born here.” 

“Alone?” Emma asked. 

“No,” Regina said. She stepped closer to Emma. “You will take him because you’re the saviour. You were created to break the curse, and once again, you can escape it.”

“I don’t want to, we’ll both go back with everyone else.”

“That's not an option,” Regina said, and Emma looked at her horrified. “I can’t be with him. If I don’t pay the price, none of this will work.” 

A loud clap of thunder rattled the street, and Emma looked at Regina, panicked. 

“I’ve known you for some time,” Regina said, “and all I wanted was for you to get the hell out of my life so I can be with my son.” Her voice broke. “But really, all I want is for Henry to be happy.” And Regina gave a look that said ‘ and you ’, though Emma was so distraught she wasn’t sure if she caught it. 

“We have no choice. You have to go.”

“Okay,” Emma whispered, and the tears welling in her eyes tore at Regina’s heart. 

After saying their tearful, heartfelt goodbyes at the town line, Regina reached out and grabbed Emma’s hand at the last second. 

“Emma, I…before you go, I have a confession to make,” Regina said. “The reason I didn’t want Tink to help us in Neverland was because she knows a terrible, terrible secret about me that I didn’t want you to know.”

Emma looked confused. “What?” She was casting glances back to Henry, who was already stood next to the car, eyes fixed on the incoming storm. 

Regina took a deep, shaky breath. “When I was married to Leopold,” she said slowly, “it was a terrible marriage. Tink, she-” Regina coughed down a sob. “She tried to help me get out of it by using stolen pixie dust to conjure an image of the person I was destined to be with.” Another deep breath. “I spent years searching for them, but I never found them.” Regina’s voice trailed off. By now, large tears were rolling down her cheeks, and she made no effort to clear them. 

Slowly, tenderly, she reached forward, holding the swan pendant between her fingers. She traced the outer circle with her gloved thumb and swallowed down a scratchy lump. “Until now,” she whispered. She heard Emma gasp and looked up to meet her eyes, floored to find that, perhaps for the first time, they were filled with something that looked a lot like love. Love .

Emma’s face remained still, eyes glassy and lips parted, and Regina cleared her throat awkwardly. She smiled sadly as a fresh wave of tears bathed her cheeks, and dropped the pendant. It bounced lightly on Emma’s chest, and for the last time, Regina watched as it caught the light, its details bathed in the artificial orange glow of the street lamps. 

Another clap of thunder sounded behind her, alerting them of the incoming curse. She sighed heavily and moved to step back, gasping as Emma’s hand kept her in place. 

She had only a second to register the warmth in Emma’s teary eyes before soft lips crashed firmly into hers, Emma’s free hand cradling the back of her neck. Regina slowly brought her hands up to Emma’s jaw, gently deepening the kiss as salty tears mixed between their cheeks and caught in their mouths. It was the kind of kiss that Regina wouldn’t ever dream of having in front of others, nevermind her son , but, considering it was the last kiss she was ever going to share with her soulmate, she leant into it, allowing Emma’s warmth to meld with her own. It wasn’t the most passionate kiss, not by a long shot, but there was so much emotion in it, so many what if ’s and maybe ’s and if only's , and as their bodies fell into one another, the entire world dropped away. 

When they pulled away, Regina held Emma’s forehead against her own, teary eyes locked. Emma coughed out a dry laugh and offered a watery smile. It was radiant, and wide, and more genuine than Regina had ever seen. 

“I love you,” Emma whispered, and Regina felt the wind leave her lungs. Glorious tingles climbed up her spine, and she grinned up at Emma with as much love as she could muster. 

“I love you too,” she whispered back. They stood there like that, foreheads touching, eyes locked, bodies inches apart, for several moments, until the fizzing of the air reminded Regina of the time pressure and she reluctantly pushed Emma off; instantly she missed the warmth. They shared one last tender smile before Emma met Henry at the town line, spinning on her heel as she opened the car door to cast a sad look at her family. 

As the car drove over the line, Regina collapsed onto her knees as visceral sobs shook her body. For the second time, she felt the wind leave her lungs, except now there was no air to replace it with. She drew deep breaths, gasping at the breeze, and cried out as the car disappeared over the horizon. She wrapped her arms around herself, as though to hold herself together, and shook violently under the suffocating fog of the curse as it washed over them. 

-end-