Work Text:
London, 1665
In the middle of the rising storm tired little women, obviously like most citizens, entered an
old church. She was clutching a small dirty blanket with something inside - neither alive nor
dead.
- Father, please! She’s barely breathing! - women shout as she spotted a lonely vicar who
was reading the Bible with great care as any good vicar shall do to the Holy Book. He turned
around on his heels with confused face, nearly dropping the book.
- Greetings, my child! How can I help you?
- My daughter! Please, pray or heal her or ask God to do something! She’s not breathing.
It’s not a Black Death, I’ve heard rumors, no poxes or anything else. Please, father! - she
reached out to grab the vicar's hand and show him her baby. And the baby looked almost normal
- cute rounded red face, ungainly moving hands, except her chest that seemed motionless
and she was silent. And silence is a very worrisome sign for babies for sure. Azieraphel
sighed and took the baby with the same care he holds his books - no doubt it was Black
Death, an unusual case, but he clearly saw the mark of Satan on this poor child. All he could
do was chanting. And his soft voice was the only hope this heartbroken woman have at the
moment.
- You should call a doctor while I bathe her in the Holy Water! - that was useless anyway.
Azieraphel struggled from inner conflict pretty much the same he had in Job’s situation - he
just can’t watch this tiny essence of human being fading in his own hands. But The Plan is
set and who’s he to interfere?
- Oh, no, no, no, you didn’t say she is *here* ! - muffled voice bounced back from church
walls.
- I beg you, Doctor! Vicar said you might help me!
- Do you smell that? Amount of incense here is excessive even during plague times. it’s
almost unbearable even for my mask! - harbinger of the plague - classic plague doctor
avoided the woman who tried to push him into the church. And he did it with a strange grace.
Woman looked at him puzzled and suddenly burst with tears.
- How come God does not hear us? Father, tell him! You both are supposed to fulfill His will.
And His will is to kill my daughter? What have I done? What is my sin?! What is it, tell me?
Why does this doctor refuse to enter the Church? Are you a satanist or what? - she pointed
her bony finger right into the doctor's mask. The doctor hissed like a wounded snake and
took a step forward to enter the church.
- I’m deeply offended by your statement, madam. Such an accusation implies medicine
being at church’s service but in fact medicine is at human service. Neither god nor devil have
any power over science! - At the same time the doctor approached the vicar in a very weird
manner like he was about to dance which looked absolutely inappropriate in the situation.
- Sir, are you alright? Maybe we should call another doctor? You seem very nervous - said
Azieraphel with a worried voice. The baby by the way was perfectly still in the improvised
bathtub of Holy Water.
- You did what?! - barked out the Plague Doctor and jumped away from the baptistery.
The unnamed woman chuckled for a moment but her face quickly was covered with a mask of
sorrow.
- Excuse me? - Azieraphel cocked his eyebrow and gave the doctor a judging look from tip
to toe. - Your incense burns too hard, doctor. Are you able to see through that smoke?
- It’s not an incense, angel! - Crowely could hardly keep his body still. Holy Land burned worse
than lava-tea in Hell and yet he had to stay covered.
Azieraphel froze astonished narrowly able to comment on a sudden appointment which no
one really appointed in any way.
- Madam, would you kindly leave us alone for a moment? - finally the angel spoke and the
woman disappeared in silence with a light glance of amusement.
- Dear Satan, why am I even here? She’s dead, angel. Well almost dead you see the mark.
Do your magic, I close my eyes and I’m getting hell out of this place!
- Crowley, I can’t!
- Why not? Job 2.0 thing? Another bet? - the demon wiggled around the angel with hardly
audible swearing.
- Could you stop that? It is His house for God`s sake!
- Really, angel? How about putting you in a honey tank, dropping it inside a wasp's nest
and setting it on fire? This is how it feels of course I’m swearing!!! - Angel blushed for a
moment, haunted by visions of Crowley covered in honey, but in the blink of an eye a more
troublesome occasion distracted them both from their little game - the baby started to cry.
- Crowley, do something! I can’t… we can’t let this human child die!
- Oh here we go again. Last time a was caught for my “good” deeds I really didn’t like it
thank you very much. My task was to bring rats and guide them to avoid such situations!
What can I do if some of them decided to improvise on their own? - Sad blue eyes pierced
Crowley even through his plague doctor coverage.
- Please…you hear that too, don't tell me you can ignore it! I know you can’t!
⁃ You know nothing! - growled the demon and jumped over the church's bank - just to
distract himself from the pain and self-indulgence. Deeply inside his burning soul he knew -
the angel is right. But wounds of punishment remain fresh in his memory. Azieraphel should
not know it.
- What exactly do you propose, angel? To cure this…little thing? I’m sorry there is no cure
from Black Death otherwise your Daddy didn’t call that “ Control population plan”. They
breed too fast like tumors! And she’s too young to even suffer properly. Will be in Heaven
anyway, so what’s the deal? - Azieraphel hesitated for a moment : on the one hand getting
an almost free ticket to Heaven was a good thing, on the other hand - this woman asked for
help and she would be totally demolished by her grief.
- I propose only a tiny bit of a miracle. Tiniest one. Just to help me, it will not be your
responsibility. You can always say you miscast it or even that you have to confront me and I
used my godly powers to reverse it. Anything! For the record it is your words "folks out there
never check our reports" so why backing off on it now? - Crowley can’t resist such a devious
plan, especially if Azieraphel has given him that much credit. The devil should be proud of
himself - it was his bad influence after all.
- Foine. But I won’t touch her. My plans did not include death from the Holy Water today.
- Thank you, Crowley! Put your hand on my shoulder! - At this moment Azieraphel started
to glow almost literally. He was happy to be useful and get an opportunity to save a child
even if he was not allowed to interfere with the Plan - he knew he’s not the only one who
breaks the rules.
- Hear that? - Crowley looked around the church suspiciously
- What exactly?
- That’s the point! Nothing! Nothing at all, no alarms, no demonic howling- not a single thing!
It worked! - of course the angel could not see bright smile on Crowley's face hidden by his mask
but his voice was smiling too. Baby have started to cry again but it was a cry of a normal healthy
child which can be translated to normal language as : “ I just pooped!”
- Oh what a little sinner she is! Relieved herself in the Holy Water! I’m so proud of you, girl! -
said Crowley with that amount of adoration he usually bestows to his favorite wine bottles.
- Dear Lord… come here, baby, let me carry you to your mother!
***
- When will it end?
- 1666 ironically - the angel made a large gulp from his wine bottle. The demon did the
same.
- Not at all, it was Satan`s idea, He likes these little symbolic gestures nor less than God.
- I`m tired of drinking this - Azierafel stuck out his tongue in disguise.
- Hey, this is my best wine and I even shared it with you, pay some respect! " said Crowley in
an indignant voice and finished his bottle - Haah, okey, this is bad.
- Accept my gratitude for this shitty parody of wine, demon Crowley - the angel bowed his head with pretentious
reverence. The demon laughed, taking away the rest of the wine.
- You`re doon angel, you`re soooo doon. You said "Shitty!"
- It is a fair characteristic for this kind of liquid, I admit. Give it back.
- Nope, you can`t desecrate the temple of your celestial body with *shitty* whine. This
burden is mine to care!
- Oh, you`re unbearable! Why do I even talk to you! - Crowley gave him a cocky smile and
pushed angel`s shoulder.
- Because you like me.
- No I don`t! You`re evil! - to make it clear Azieraphel took a seat a little further from Crowley.
But not too distant. Just in case of...anything.
- No you do, angel whom you`re trying to cheat? A demon. The demon! Straight from the
Heavens to the depths of Hell! That's who I am. And you like it! You like the difference.
Because it makes you feel better. That's why.
- I...I`d better go home. It's late and...Good night, Crowley.
The demon Crowley as always didn't stop Azieraphel. Personal crisis or something. He didn't
like to hear such things either. But he wouldn't mind someone telling him why he continues to
talk to this angel again and again, for God's sake?....
Written by totally NOT a demon, I swear!