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Azul had always been secretive.
Sure, you would never know it by the way he acted; he was always extroverted, always saying kind things, the whole shebang.
However, his true secret?
That he hasn't eaten much at all?
That he cries himself to sleep every night without fail?
All of that is hidden behind a radiant smile. A practiced smile.
He hid all parts of himself away; what else could he do?
He couldn't bear it if people thought he was weak. Not again.
And so he put up a front.
Even when he said "Love you," those words weren't a complete truth.
He did it to get what he wanted, to get it when he wanted.
Did that mean he was lying? Perhaps.
But the thing was... He wanted to be in love.
He was never good at loving others, and he mostly shut others down.
After all, who would accept him as who he was? A disgusting octo-mer? He'd laugh in their faces.
He's not the prettiest. He's not special. He's just... Him.
He tries hard, yes. He has to. Otherwise he'll go back to his child self. And he couldn't have that.
No one figured all of this out; not even Floyd or Jade. (Though they could come close with their guesses, especially Jade.)
The lies slipping out of his lips, sweet as honey. The overly practiced smile. Everything was perfected. It had to be perfect, after all.
Still, he couldn't help it when he fell in love with you. But he was terrified, to say the least.
He had said "Love you" to others. He knew that. He knew it was all a lie. But once he started to feel these... Things toward you, he wasn't sure what he could do, if anything.
Was this all a lie? Maybe. Was he lying to himself? He almost hoped that that was the case. Because if he was in love... What then? What could he do?
These thoughts plagued his mind. Day in and day out, it was all he could think.
He was so nervous in approaching you. Though he hid it well, almost teasing you, his heart was racing. If you knew him better, you would see the flash of panic in his eyes that happened ever so often that he so desperately tried to hide.
Still, he hid his weakness. Made sure no one, not even the twins, knew about it.
Azul knew that he had to be the strongest. He couldn't let this ruin all of his plans.
Still, he found himself being lenient toward you. Sometimes giving you a drink free of charge while you were at Mostro Lounge, sometimes just going out of his way to talk to you. Often, he would find himself ordering Floyd to get rid of the noisy guests while you were there so you could have some peace and quiet.
He was greedy. He knew he was being greedy. But he couldn't stop.
He wanted to stay with you; to be your partner, to make you happy.
But he was too afraid to make that final leap and open himself up to you.
To tell you his true feelings.
Until one quiet night at Mostro Lounge, when most of the patrons had left.
He worked up his nerve before slipping into the seat beside you.
You seemed confused, but it was okay - or so he told himself.
He opened his mouth for a moment before closing it again. He couldn't speak.
He was scared sick.
But still... He managed to say, "I am in lo- I care for you a lot, kantokusei-san. Would you... Would you go out with me?"
He met your gaze after a moment, hands shaky, breath catching in his throat. He said it. He actually said it. And he didn't stutter that much, either.
But as he waited for your response, he hoped you would feel the same way. Then, perhaps he could say "I love you" for real. And maybe you would know that these were the words that would never be lies - not to you, anyway.