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Kanghan was determined to prove his value to his father he wanted to score good in exam so that his father can trust him and keep expectations from him. The very next day after making the promise kanghan started to study diligently. It wasn't a surprise that everyone around him was shocked to see this sudden transformation in him specially sailom but he was happy to see him working hard.
They met in evening for tuition when sailom told kanghan about the english test and suggested that they visit the foreigner bar to practice english speaking to which kanghan agreed.
Next day after their visit to the bar they went to a roadside food stall. While sitting & waiting for their food to arrive Sailom questioned " Kanghan can I ask you something?"
Kanghan looked up from his phone and nodded.
"Why did you suddenly started studying? I am sure there is a reason for this sudden change."
Kanghan kept looking at sailom for a while and then keeping his phone aside he opened his mouth to talk about the promise he made to his father but suddenly he felt he is trusting sailom too much and too fast. Why should he talk about his father to him when he has never spoken about him even to his best friends and so he simply tries to avoid the topic.
"Just.... " he said and shrugged his shoulder " forget this. Let's talk about you. Have you paid this month installment to those loan sharks?"
Sailom wanted to know the reason but he realized maybe kanghan is not yet comfortable with him and it was understandable so he did'nt push him and simply replied to his question " Yes thanks to the fees I received by tutoring you." He said it with a smile.
Kanghan heavied a sigh of relief " Thank God. See thats why i say Money is so important. It can buy you anything and for now it even brought peace in your life." He said as he took the first bite of food that arrived a moment ago.
Sailom shakes his head and says slowly "I never said money isn't important all I say and believe is Money is not everything and those who have it shouldn't use it to harm others." He says and starts to eat his food when Kanghan counters him "If I can get whatever I want by throwing money why shouldn't I do it? And well I don't know about others but I haven't harmed anyone unless they provoked me."
Kanghan says it so casually that it takes sailom a moment to make sure he is same person who bullied him and his friends few days ago.
As kanghan notices him staring he asks " What?"
" How did Auto provoke you that made you bully him so much?"
"He took my money but didn't finish the work. There is no freebies in the world Mr. He deserved it."
"Kanghan" Sailom raised his voice a little. How could he endure kanghan not feeling any regret after hurting his friend so much. " you could have talked it out. No matter what violence or bullying can never be justified."
Kanghan chuckled at that.
"Sailom are you serious? My father told me a dog needs to be punished if you want to tame it or else it won't listen to you. If I had let go Auto he would have started taking me lightly and would have stopped fearing me."
"So you want people to fear you? And what will it give you in return?" Sailom said now frustrated. " You know what..If you really want to have a good life try to be nice to others and earn their respect. Because fear will only make people be nice to you when you are around but the moment they get a chance they will pull you down but if they respect you they will try to genuinely help you, understand?"
"So why are you helping me? You are here because of money right or else you would have never sit with me." Kanghan said in defense, now equally irritated.
Sailom closes his eyes for a moment taking a deep breathe he says " I know what you did to me and my friends was awful but I also can't ignore how you saved me when those loan sharks came to my house. Instead of running away you fought for me and... that was the moment you earned, even if little, but my respect."
Sailom's answer took kang by surprise. Kanghan didn't know what else to say while sailom continued " I am here right now with you not just because I received money to tutor you but also because I saw deep down you are a caring person someone who goes out of their way to help others and I hope you see yourself like that too but..." sailom took a pause and looking at kanghan with all seriousness and said " It will be a lie if I say I am not disappointed to see how you don't have an ounce of remorse to what you did to me and my friends. "
And with that sailom started getting up and leaving the place Kanghan ran behind him calling his name. He stood infront of him stopping him in his way " where are you going? We haven't eaten our dinner. I will drop you home too."
Sailom shook his head and took a step back "Its okay I will manage."
And just like that he left leaving behind a confused and anxious Kanghan.
**************
Next day in school there were few times when Kanghan and Sailom path crossed but Kanghan could see how everytime Sailom tried to avoid interacting with him infact he didn't even look at him. It made him restless. Kanghan knew it was stupid. He hardly knew sailom he wasn't even his close friend but still he couldn't deny how sailom's behavior was bothering him.
In the evening kanghan reached the library before time. It must be the first time kanghan had reached for the class so early. As he took a seat he kept shaking his leg or fidgeting with his pen. He kept looking at the door waiting impatiently for sailom and soon he saw him entering through the door.
Kang couldn't help but shout the other ones name only to be glared by other students and the library teacher but he hardly cared.
As soon as sailom reached for his seat he took out some notes and said " today I will teach you maths. First let me teach you the concept and then we will practice..."
"Are you still angry?" Kanghan said cutting the other one in between.
Sailom didn't answer as he looked blankly at the notes on the table.
Kanghan couldn't take it anymore. "Why are you acting like this? I never said I am a good person. I never gave you false hope that I am a changed man then why are you so upset with me sailom? Why are you ignoring me?" He exploded.
For a moment there was a pin drop silence. Kanghan waiting for sailom to say something anything but to end this quiteness between them. Soon sailom replied looking at kang " I know its my fault. That night when you helped me and then you were being nice with me I thought maybe just maybe you also feel bad for what you did in the past but I was wrong.... it's my mistake I started having expectations from you. I started thinking that this anger, this attitude is all to show the world and from inside you are a soft person. I made those assumptions on my own i was wrong. Give me sometime I will be like before."
Ex--expectations? Did sailom said he had expectated something from him? It's what kanghan always wanted to hear from his father but instead it's a boy who hardly knows him, a boy whom he could have called an enemy a few days ago who said he wished something from him.
Kanghan was too stunned to speak but he had to. He couldn't just end up things between them, between him and sailom like this.
" Sailom" He started softly "We are two different people coming from completely different world having completely different thoughts and opinion. You can't expect from me that I change myself overnight. What happened in past right now I have nothing to say but I promise we will talk about it...just give Me some time."
Sailom heard him patiently. He knew what kanghan meant, he understood his situation so instead of arguing further he just nodded and they started their class.
***************
"Oh God it's already 10? We are the only ones left now." Kanghan said trying to make the atmosphere light as they started packing their bag.
Sailom smiled slightly.
"I will take you home today but before that let's go and have something."
And with that they went to a nearby restaurant and had a dinner together.
**********************
After the dinner they reached to the parking lot where kanghan had parked his bike. He gave one Helmet to sailom while wore the other one. As they sat on the bike sailom was confused as to where to keep his hand when he felt kanghan pulling his hands around his waist and saying " i ride the bike very fast it's safe like this" and with that he started his bike.
The way to his home was enjoyable as The weather was pleasent. Sailom didn't realize when he had put his chin on kanghan's shoulder until they reached his house. He quickly lifted his chin and got up from the bike. If kanghan noticed his awkwardness he didn't comment.
"Thanks I will go now." With that as soon as sailom turned to leave kanghan held his hand. Sailom eyes immediately fell where kanghan was holding him and then he looked up. Kanghan then handed him a plastic bag and said " I bought some food for your brother too I hope he likes it."
"Hey, it's not needed." Sailom protested.
"We are friends right?" Kanghan said tentatively. " So I can give you this."
Sailom opened his mouth again but stopped. He didn't know how to oppose anymore so he quietly accepted it.
He turned again to leave but then looked back at kanghan and said " If We are friends, are you now okay to share why are you suddenly interested in studying?"
Kanghan couldn't help but to laugh " are you still there?"
" I am just curious. "
Kanghan thought a bit and then looked at sailom and replied "For you."
It's stupid.
It's really really stupid. Sailom knows. He doesn't even want to admit it that how his heart skipped a beat as soon as heard kanghan's reply.
He felt weird. A feeling he didn't recognise crept inside his heart. He had to say something, something to break the silence which followed after kanghan's answer. A silence which was hardly of a second or two but felt like hours to sailom so he shouted " WHAT?" and looked at kang in disbelief.
One
Two
Three
And kanghan burst into laughter as if he has seen the funniest comedy show of his life.
" Sail...sailom why.... why are you panicking? I was just joking." Kanghan said between his laughter.
Sailom took a breathe of relief but glared at kang for making a foolish joke with a pout.
After composing himself kang said quietly " I... I want to do well for my grandmother. I want to make her feel proud of me." He said and gave a gentle smile to sailom.
And it was moment like this when sailom wants to show kanghan how innocent he looks. Moment like this which make sailom believe that kang isn't as bad of a person as he shows to the world. But he doesn't say anything. He just nods and leaves for his house.
As he reaches the gate and tries to open it his eyes fells on the food packet and a small smile makes its way on his face.
************************
An evening as Sailom was busy tutoring Kanghan, kanghan's phone rang. It was from home. Kang excused himself and as he picked up the call he heard a panic voice from the other side asking him to come home immediately.
Kanghan immediately started packing his bag when sailom held him by his shoulder and asked him " what happened Kanghan say something? "
"Grand...Grandma..." that's all he could utter.
Looking at the situation sailom decided to accompany kang to his house. They called a cab and left for home.
As soon as they reached inside the house Grandma, kanghan's father and kang's friend started singing "Happy Birthday ".
It took them few minutes to realize it was a prank and that kang's friends wanted to give him a Birthday surprise.
"Are you all crazy? And Grandma how could you joke about your health with me?" He screamed.
Grandma tried to calm him down as she said " I am sorry kang but your friends wanted to give you a surprise and I couldn't think of a better plan to call you home quickly. But I am glad to see sailom has come too."
With all the attention on sailom now he immediately greeted granny.
"But I would like if this relation stays only up till tutoring and nothing more." Nawa interrupted.
One could easily feel the bitterness in his words. Kanghan was about to give him a reply when Pimfah distracted him "okay now cut the cake kanghan."
And as kang blew the candles and cut the cake everyone present sang him a Birthday song again. Once he gave a piece of cake to everyone his father said " and now it's time for me to give a gift to my son."
Excited to see the gift , kanghan and others followed his father's step.
"Here it is kang for you... the bike you wanted so much." Kanghan's father said with a bright smile.
"Wow isn't this the latest model?" Nawa said as he looked carefully at the bike.
And while everyone congratulated him kang couldn't utter a word. His eyes filling with water he silently left the place.
****************************
"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you" 🎶 sailom sang and came to the swimming area where kang was sitting alone. With a Birthday cake in his hand sailom asked him to cut the cake. Kang smiles and after making a wish he does as he was asked.
Once settled a comfortable silence took over.
"Are you okay?" Sailom asks after some time "You didn't seem happy with uncle's gift."
Kanghan keeps looking blankly at some distance as he shares " Remember you asked me why am I studying so hard suddenly? Ofcourse I want to make my Grandma proud but.... The real reason was my father. " his voice chokes at the last word as he tries to calm himself down sailom quietly listens to him.
" it's said parents unrealistic expectations ruins a child but you know what if your parents don't have any expectations from you it's worse." A lone tear drops from kang's eyes " my father never expected anything from me. He always says I should enjoy my school life. He only hopes I do not repeat my class, that's all." He says with a laugh, a pain filled laugh sailom can feel it.
"Am I so worthless, sailom? Am I so useless that even my father do not have any hope from me? I told him if I bring good marks he will buy me a bike but guess what..." He looks at sailom tears now dropping non stop " It already gifted it to me." Raising his voice he continues " Why am I living I don't understand. I don't have any motivation I don't have any goal. Why am I studying for whom? What am I doing? I don't know I don't know anymore." He screams and cries covering his face from his palm.
Sailom had never imagined that kanghan who walks around as if the world revolves around him could have been hiding his own struggle his own pain deep inside himself. He slowly starts to pat his back. And as if all kang wanted a little support from someone he immediately hugs him hiding his face in sailom's chest.
Sailom too covers him in a tight hug and speaks calmly "You can still make your grandma proud Kanghan. You can still make your father realize that you are worth his expectations. Sometimes when life don't give you reason you have to make your own." He then slowly holds his face and wiping his tears from his thumb sailom says " and in this journey... I am with you."
Silence follow after sailom completed his words. And as kanghan keeps looking into his eyes sailom realizes they are too close... their faces inches apart and it makes his heart beats faster. So he immediately tries to move a little back and realizing this kanghan too sits up straight.
They are quiet now. Kanghan isn't crying anymore. But the silence is comforting. The mere presence of each other is comforting to them and somewhere they know today something between them has changed. They still don't know what to name it but what they surely know is they have taken a step closer to each other tonight.