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"Where is your lovely wife?" Jack asks, as the clock ticks towards 9 o'clock and people begin to show up for the clinic.
"She's unwell." Maya answers simply.
"Too bad, hopefully nobody pregnant shows up."
"Ben can ultrasound and she said to pass them her number and she'd answer any questions they had," Maya supplied the answer Carina had given her that morning when Maya asked how to manage the clinic. She seemed to have come down with a stomach virus. The day before had been stomach cramps and a fever. This morning had been vomiting. Maya hadn't liked the idea of leaving her a whole 24 hours to go to work but Carina had made the convincing argument that she had managed to deal with illness long before they were married and whilst it was nice to have someone look after you it wasn't necessary. Little did Carina know Maya had organised to just come in for the clinic hours and would be back to look after her from 630 with Tom Sanchez timetabled to take over for her then.
"Is this pregnancy related?" Jack asked, dipping his voice to a whisper, pulling Maya off to the side.
"No, no we've only just had the IVF appointment. No this is regular sickness and I'm sure if she could see us talking instead of setting the clinic up she would be shouting."
"Send her my well wishes," Jack said, disappearing to carry on setting up.
Maya smiled and then continued to set up again until someone else interrupted her with a question about her wife. "Captain Herrera said Carina's not in," Peggy said, as Maya set chairs out for waiting patients.
"She's not, anything I can help with?"
"Scheduling an ob appointment," Dana said and then purposefully put her hand on her wife's stomach.
"What! No way congratulations guys," Maya hugged each of them, "she's ill today but just shoot her a text and she should get back to you. Or call ob at grey sloan and get set up that way."
"Thanks Maya, you two next," Dana said, holding up her hand with crossed fingers.
"I hope so," Maya gave them a slight smile, "are you two set for us to open," at the nod of the couple she said, "Great. I'll check with Jack and Ben and then we'll get this show on the road!"
"Hi my poorly girl," Maya whispered quietly, as she kissed Carina, one hand on her pillow the other hovering over the stomach that she knows has been giving her wife grief all day, "everyone's been asking after you today," she continued, as the Italian opened her eyes, "hi sunshine," she took the hand from her stomach and caressed her cheek, thumb smoothing over red creases where fabric from the pillow case has left a mark. Carina appeared confused for a moment before her face contorted and she started to sob. "Hey, hey," Maya said gently, sliding a hand under Carina's shoulder, pulling her into a hug, "its okay. I'm here, I'm here, sono qui," she hopes it's right, she's heard Carina say it before when comforting her, "I've got you."
"Maya," she sobs, the blonde pulled back and looked at her, using one hand to brush a tendril of hair off her forehead, "aiuto. "
"I don't- say it again, in English, babe."
"aiutatemi, mi fa davvero male la pancia."
"I don't know, I don't know," Maya repeated. She had lowered Carina down in case it was that that was bothering her. Maya is a little frantic, wiping tears off Carina's cheeks, "mi dispiace, mi dispiace."
"Aiuto, Maya. Pancia. Stomaco."
"Stomach!" She shouted triumphantly, "stomach," she repeated softly, pulling back the covers, "hurts?"
"Sì."
"Okay, okay, I'm gonna press."
"appendice o ovaio."
"Appendice?" Maya repeated, stuck, "Appendice? Appendix," she looked up at Carina for confirmation but the Italian was in too much distress to respond, "and ovary? I'm going to see if the aide cars in," Maya told her, as she abandoned her assessment before it had even started, Carina's Italian and her facial expression enough to tell her they needed to go to hospital regardless of the cause. She carefully climbed over her and sat on the bed next to her. She dialed Andy's number rather than calling it into 911 and offered Carina a hand, as they waited for her captain to answer. "Hey. Look, Car's taken a turn for the worse. She's writhing in pain saying appendix. Yes, thanks Andy. Okay see you soon." Maya looked down at her wife and said, "Andy's calling it into control, Ben and Vic will be less than ten minutes. Can I pack you an overnight bag?" Carina let go of her hand and curled in on herself. Maya stroked her hair again so it was all off her face. She first got Carina a wash cloth and laid it on the back of her neck. She lifted Carina's top and saw there was already a tens machine there so she didn't bother with a hot water bottle. She did pack it though, along with a change of clothes and a little worn out Teddy that had belonged to Andrew that sometimes joined them in bed when grief was big. She packed a bottle of water and Carina’s documents. Finally she got a bobble and quickly plaited Carina's hair for her, as she continued to fidget in pain. "Sono qui, baby."
"Maya," she rolled over and buried her face into the side of Maya's leg. The blonde pouted and rubbed her back as she muttered anything she remembered in Italian that Carina had used to comfort her in the past.
"Maya?"
"Its open," she shouted, having heard Vic knocking, "in the bedroom."
"Hi," Ben said, as they entered, gurney in tow.
"Hi, so Carina's had a cramping stomach pain since yesterday at 11am that persisted through the day, little relief from paracetamol or ibuprofen," Maya wasted no time explaining, hand still circling Carina's back, the Italian still sobbing in pain "Started with persistent vomiting at 3am this morning. Frequency was every 30 minutes to an hour. But changed at around 7am to longer stretches, two to three hours I think. She's been home alone today but text at around one pm that she was only dry heaving. Struggling to keep liquids down. No appetite for the last 72 hours. Oh she's had a fever that hasn't really dropped below 101.6. I came home and she's just writhing in pain and sobbing. She's only speaking Italian but I've worked out she's got pain and she thinks it's her appendix or ovary. I'll keep trying to translate. She's responding to English just answering in Italian," Maya explained then had a stroke of genius. "Car, I'm calling Gabri, tell Gabri what's wrong whilst Ben and Vic assess you."
"We'll start with observations, Carina," Vic said, attaching the blood pressure cuff to her arm as Maya leaned out of Carina's grip to find her wife's phone.
"Ciao tesoro, oh Maya hello."
"Ciao Gabri, Carina's quite sick and she's only speaking Italian are you able to translate for me?" She asked, showing Gabriella on facetime Carina. "I think she's saying appendix."
"Sì, sì, sì."
Maya nodded at Ben, as she physically turned Carina onto her back to her protests, well what Maya thought were protests as she was speaking in Italian. "Go for it."
"Where does it hurt, Carina?" Carina pointed to the right side of her stomach.
"And has it always been there?"
"Sì."
"And was your vomit normal? No blood or anything?"
"Sì."
"What does the pain feel like?"
"Costante. Dolorante. Affilato."
"Constant," Maya translated the first, though was stumped by the other two.
"Sì," Gabriella agreed, "and achy and sharp."
"Yeah she's very feverish," Vic said, showing the thermometer to Ben and Maya.
"How about going to the toilet?"
"fare pipì bene. Altro, stitico. Non diagnosticarmi erroneamente una UTI."
"Peeing fine, constipated. She said don't misdiagnose her with a UTI."
Maya chuckled she had heard how many gynae consults she had been called for that ended up being an unhappy appendix.
"We won't. I think that's all I really need to know. I'm going to take these off," Ben pointed to the tens stickers, have a good look, listen and feel, Carina." This was absolutely the worst part, as Carina almost screamed out in pain at Ben's light touches. It took a lot of effort on Maya's part not to pull his hand away and tell him off for hurting her.
"Maya, Maya," she sobbed, "non più." [no more]
"Sì," Maya said, "Ben's done."
"Sorry, Carina. So, I'd agree appendix as primary, Carina, and then torsion or a cyst as secondary. We'll cannulate and give pain relief and an anti-emetic. Then get going. Last sickness, Carina?" Carina held up her hand with one finger sticking up, "an hour?" She nodded, "okay and any allergies?"
"Yes, penicillin. She comes out in hives," Maya answered, thinking back to two years ago when Carina had got tonsillitis and had antibiotics and Maya had woken up to her covered in hives and scared the life out of her, "and it upsets her stomach," she added because then Carina had vomited everywhere.
"And medication," Ben asked, as he got a cannula in Carina's arm without so much as a reaction from Carina.
"Yes. Sumatriptan for migraines. She has tablets but also an injection if she can't take it. She had one yesterday, sub cut, right babe?"
"Sì."
"And she's on a super low dose of levothyroxine for hypothyroidism, they just found that out 6 months ago but that's under control. Oh and her stomach is super sensitive so she has a gastro-restraint tablet, omeprazole. And you're not on any fertility stuff at the moment."
"Do you have any heart problems with the thyroid stuff?"
"No."
"Okay, and last paracetamol dose?"
"Tempo, Maya?"
"Its 7:25."
"Sei."
"6 hours ago," Maya translated after a pause where she counted through the numbers, "sì."
Carina nodded, hiding her face back in Maya's thigh. "Sorry you're feeling so crap, babe," Maya mumbled scratching her scalp lightly, she hadn't expected her early dip from station to end in seeing Ben and Vic and going to hospital.
“You’re a good wife you know,” Vic said, as Ben got Carina situated in the back of the ambulance.
“Hmm?” Maya was concentrating on her wife, even from her place outside of the ambulance. She seemed to be doing marginally better.
“You’re a good wife, Maya. You knew all of her medication off by heart and not just her allergies but how she reacts. Most people we go to their partners are crap about that. But you knew, and you also knew when to call for help and you understood loads of what she was saying. Go easy on yourself Maya.” Maya wasn’t sure if Vic could read her mind but she was feeling so guilty for leaving Carina that morning particularly, as they were now on their way to hospital in an ambulance rather than just in her car if she had recognised it earlier. If she had been there.
Maya sighed and climbed up and for the first time in her life she was the relative sat in the back of one of these. As they got going she had a new found appreciation for how her patient’s families felt. This was miserable and heart breaking and the only thing she could do was just hold Carina’s hand and hope.
“Ben,” Carina said, “its not a cyst, I had a comprehensive scan four days ago.”
“I’ll pass that on,” Ben replied, noting it in the paperwork.
“Are you feeling better, you’re not speaking Italian any more?” Maya pointed out, rubbing up and down her arm.
“A little, the painkillers took the edge off.”
“Good,” Maya shuffled up the bench seat and kissed her head, “we’ll get you sorted. Gabri said to call when you feel up to it.”
“Can you talk about work, distract me?”
“mmhmm. You might not have heard me earlier but lots of people were asking after you today. Jack thought you were pregnant. Er Peggy and Dana asked after you with some news, I said to text, but it sounded very happy.”
“Do you know too?”
“Yep and Ben.”
“They’re having another baby,” Carina grins, “that’s gonna be us soon," she squeezed Maya's hand. Even after 15 months of trying for a baby Carina was still full of hope.
Maya nodded, she hoped so, “we actually had a man in with suspected appendicitis, so Warren and Vic are shit hot on that today. I sutured, well I did two stitches, a small lac. Ben supervised so you’ll have to ask him how it went.” She and Jack had been on a week long intensive suturing course and now just had to be signed off by a doctor for 50 procedures before they could independently suture.
“It was very neat, like Jackson Avery neat.”
“Wow.”
“Mmhmm. Er what else? Ooh I met Andy’s new boyfriend and he cooked for us and it was almost as good as when you cook. I had brought you some home to try but I think that might have to go in the freezer. He is also very, very lovely and a step up from Sullivan and on par with Ryan but you never met him.”
“Double date.”
“Oh absolutely, ah, Pam brought in Marshall to see you so I told her to come in next week but you might want to text her once all this is figured out, set up a coffee date or something. We had one job which was a child stuck in a tree."
"Isn't that a firefighting thing?"
"That's a cat, love."
"Sì, you're right, un gatto bloccato nell'albero. I think these medicine are working very well."
"Yes," Maya chuckled, "we've fixed you. They've fixed you."
"No my tummy still hurts."
Maya stuck her bottom lip out and put her hand on Carina's head gently. "What's tummy in Italian?"
"Pancia."
"Not stomaco?"
"Both, they're," Carina waved her hands.
"I see. Well we'll get your pan-cha," she said mimicking the word her girlfriend had just taught her. She sounded very staccato and robotic and it made Carina laugh which turned into a shout of pain. "Sorry," Maya said into her forehead, lips pressing into the warm skin there, Maya hoping it was comforting, "sorry, baby. We're nearly there."
"Who's going to do it?" Carina asked, after Meredith confirmed that her appendix wasn't looking brilliant and needed to come out urgently before rupture occurred.
"Uh, Meredith, babe," Maya said, her anxiety had tripled with the knowledge that her wife would be needing surgery.
"No, it's the perfect intern surgery. It was Andrea's first. So who's the lucky intern?"
"Mika. Yasuda," Meredith answered, "she's bouncy and full of excitement for the job and she's good. She's already gone to prep. And I will be there to assist. You're in safe hands Carina."
"I know."
"We have her now Maya."
"Can she come with me?"
"All the way to pre-op."
The walk, and ride in Carina's case, up to pre-op is quiet. Carina had been given stronger pain killers, which were making her sleepy and Maya was just plain scared. She trusts the doctors implicitly, she knows Carina's surgeons are the best in the business and this is a routine operation but she can't help but feel terrified. Her mind is full of what ifs bouncing around and her anxiety feels like a dripping tap, constantly there. Her tolerance is like the container, as her anxiety drips away. The release valves for the container are stuck on closed because there is no way to escape this. She's going to have to sit in this anxiety until Carina is through surgery and back with her, hopefully free from any more illness.
On the other hand Carina is showing no signs of being scared despite the fact that she is about to have major surgery. Maya wonders if this is just because whatever they have her on is dulling her senses or she really isn't scared. Whatever the reason Maya is relieved. She didn't think her heart or brain would be able to cope if Carina was still as upset as she had been earlier. Maya didn't want a repeat of that. Ever.
Once in pre-op there was a little wait for the operating theatre to become available. A nurse got Carina settled, and then left them too it. Exhausted from the pain and almost too relaxed from the medication Carina's eyes were getting heavy and she was starting to fall asleep. That and it was nearing eleven at night and the Italian often fell asleep much earlier than this, even when she felt well.
"Maya?" She blinked slowly, waving her hand around trying to find her.
"Careful, your IV," Maya stood and came to the other side of the bed, where Carina was flapping her arm, "you have antibiotics going through this one," she reminded her gently, taking hold of it and laying it gently on her stomach.
"No penicillin."
"No penicillin," Maya reassured, "it's doxycycline."
"Maya," she held her other arm out now.
The blonde walked around the foot of the bed again, settled in the chair they'd given her and took hold of it, "I'm right here."
"abbraccio, Maya." [cuddle, Maya]
"I don't want to hurt you or lie on any of your wires," Carina currently was on cardiac monitoring, and her blood pressure was cycling every fifteen minutes to keep an eye on her, as her infection was fairly severe.
"Just," Carina let go of her hand and put the side of the bed down, "lie here," she patted her shoulder, moving all of the wires out of the way.
"I-" Maya went to argue but Carina burst into tears. She moved her chair forward and put her head where Carina suggested but remained sat. This wasn't what Carina was intending, so she tugged on Maya's jumper, getting her to move. Tentatively Maya climbed onto the bed and laid on her side, arm over Carina's chest, trying to avoid her stomach. Carina tipped her head onto Maya's and her free hand patted Maya's bum. Soon enough Carina had fallen asleep again. Her hand fell from Maya's back and her head dropped the other way. Carefully Maya lifted herself away and off the bed, choosing to just hold Carina’s hand instead. She just sat there watching the brunette before it was time for Carina to go back. Maya walked with them to the doors then quickly pecked her and kissed her forehead before she was being wheeled away and a nurse was guiding Maya to the waiting room.
Maya sprung up at the touch of a hand on her shoulder "Carina."
"She did beautifully. We got it all out laparoscopically so she has three small scars. She's pretty bloated from the gas we put in and naturally she's going to be tender for a few days. She's around in recovery. Dr Yasuda will take you," Meredith said, as Maya stood up.
"Thank you, both of you, so much."
"Do you want to come with me?" The younger surgeon, Yasuda, asked.
"Yes," Maya gathered all of the things up. They walked through the quiet halls of the hospital, it being just past 4am. Maya was feeling much better after finding out Carina's surgery had gone off without a hitch, but knew the anxiety wouldn't leave her until Carina was right in front of her. They got to a bay of beds and the doctor pointed Maya in the right direction. Maya thanked her again and then walked to the corner bay, the only with the curtain closed, evidently Carina was the only emergent surgery at that time.
"Hi," Maya said to the nurse.
"Hi, it's Maya right?"
"Yep."
"Maya you can pop her things down here. She's still coming around, Sophie's in with her. She's on a little bit of oxygen because she's de-saturated slightly following anaesthesia although this is very normal and most people's body's need a little support so that's nothing to worry about. She's bloated from the gas they use in surgery. She has two IVs in and she's got antibiotics running through one and she's set up for a morphine button in the other which I'll show her how to use when she's more with it. Oh she had a little reaction to the 'mustache' they used to hold her tube so we're in the process of getting a doctor to prescribe her a topical steroid but she's had an antihistamine through her IV in the mean time, as it looks itchy. I'll let you go in and see her," she said and opened the curtain for Maya.
"Maya, you can sit right here," Sophie, the other nurse said, vacating her seat, "we didn't want to leave her to wake up alone so I've been sat. Dr DeLuca is one of our favourite doctors."
"Thank you," Maya mumbled. She took her seat and immediately held onto Carina hand. Her wife looked so fragile just lying there and all Maya really wanted to do was scoop her up and take her home so she could take care of her. Maya took the teddy she had been holding for the whole surgery and tucked him into the crook of Carina's neck, "There's Otto for you."
Carina was sleeping and Maya could see what the nurse meant about a reaction. There were pink and red welts along her upper lip and onto her cheeks. Maya gently reached a hand up and stroked over one of her cheeks. It felt hot and Maya hoped that the cream arrived soon. Then Maya spotted a tear roll down Carina's cheek from under her closed lid. She quickly swiped it away with the pad of her thumb, as she whispered, "oh babe," another tear fell and Maya caught it, "we've got you," it was becoming a little bit like a mantra. She wish she knew what it was in Italian but she was lost so she just said, "sono qui, Carina." She alternated between wiping tears and stroking her hair, which had been taken out of her plait. Every so often she found herself glancing up at the monitors, reassuring herself that Carina was okay. A cough and a groan alerted Maya that Carina was waking up.
"Va bene, sweetheart, va bene. Ospidale. Appendice. [it's okay, sweetheart, its okay. Hospital. Appendix.]" Maya thought some broken Italian might be more comforting. She pulled out her phone and pulled up the phrases she had looked up whilst waiting. "Hai avuto un'operazione. [you had an operation]"
"Maya?"
"Sì, its me."
"You can speak Italiano?" Her voice was very croaky and she lifted the arm with all the IVs to rub her throat.
"No, Google translate can. Hi beautiful, how are you doing?"
"What's this," she pulled at the nasal cannula in her nose that was delivering her oxygen.
"A little oxygen," Maya pulled her hand down, setting it on a pillow they had put next to Carina, "try not to touch it," Maya said, as she went to lift her other hand, "it needs to stay there."
"Why's my face wet?"
"You were crying. In your sleep."
"I was? That's sad."
Maya nodded, gently stroking her hair, studying her wife's face, "okay?"
"Water."
"Yes," Maya saw a cup with a straw so quickly stuck her head out and checked with the nurse that Carina could drink. After confirming this was okay, she brought the straw to Carina's lips. Carina took a few sips before pushing it away. Maya wiped the little dribble from her chin with her hand and then put the cup down. She quickly sanitised her hands and then looked over to see Carina in tears, holding her stomach with both of her hands. "Oh no, what's wrong? What hurts?"
"Did I forget I was pregnant?" She sobbed. It felt like someone had ran through Maya with a knife. She understood exactly why Carina had asked, her usually flat stomach was big and bloated and could easily be mistaken for the bump they both so desperately hoped for.
"No, no sweetheart," Maya leaned and kissed her forehead, "no, they've put a load of gas in your tummy and made it really bloated. It must feel really unpleasant. No, no baby yet, soon though, hopefully. Have you got pain in your," she hesitated, "in your pancia?" She tried, hoping her pronunciation was at least a little better.
She shook her head and cried further pulling her covers down and her gown up, lifting her head to look at her stomach, "I really want a baby. What's this?" She had just encountered one of the three dressings.
"You had surgery and they removed your appendix, and you have three little scars that are covered. Do you remember? You were quite poorly."
Carina blinked slowly at her, looking confused. Her tears had stopped, thankfully. Maya lifted her hands and pulled the gown back down and the sheet and blanket back up, "my appendix?"
"Yep."
"Oh."
"I know, it's all a bit confusing eh babe," she tucked Carina's hair behind her ear, "how's your pain?"
"Okay."
"Good, that's really good."
"Itchy."
"Yeah," Maya pulled her wife's hand down before she started scratching, "you had a reaction to some adhesive, we're waiting on cream for it." Carina nodded and just turned her head to look at Maya, her eyes a little gazed over from the sedation. "I love you," Maya reminded her, "so so much." Carina nodded and continued staring. Maya kept one hand on Carina's, keeping them in place and had the other on Carina's head. She watched as her wife's eyes started to get heavy again. "You can sleep, I'll be here."
Carina nodded and then her eyes flew open in alarm, "Maya," she whisper-shouted.
"What sunshine?"
"Maya there's something up my, in there."
"You have a catheter, is that what you can feel?" There was more slow blinking and confused faces but then Carina nodded and closed her eyes. She tried to turn onto her side but screamed in pain, "you can't move yet," Maya said, catching some tears as they fell.
"I want to be on my side."
"I'll get a nurse."
"No stay."
"Okay, okay, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."