Chapter Text
Shoyo Hinata is not a bad student. At least that’s what he claimed. His poor grades, teachers and classmates would say otherwise.
If you looked at his grades it would suggest that he never tries, never studies, and doesn’t care about school at all.
If asked his teachers, they would say he had become synonymous with behavioural issues. They would claim that he never listened nor paid any attention to the lesson and despite the numerous amounts of times he’s been reprimanded and punished for this behaviour he hasn’t stopped.
His classmates would say he is a constant disturbance. He couldn’t sit still for a moment, always restlessly fidgeting and taking up all the teachers' time repeating themselves because he couldn’t grasp the lesson, not on the first, second or even the third time.
All of these factors painted a picture of Shoyo being a truly abysmal student.
But if you asked Shoyo, he would say that he isn’t a bad student. In fact, he was trying incredibly hard, harder than anyone could imagine. He tries really hard to listen and pay attention, he tries really hard to sit still, he tries really hard to study. Shoyo really does try despite what everyone thinks or says, He really does try.
So why has all his effort and hard work amounted to nothing? Why does no one acknowledge the fact that he does try?
Can’t anyone see he is really trying?
Shoyo is always being told to pay attention, to sit still, to stop being lazy, to not slack off, to try harder.
Everyone says it’s his fault for his poor grades and disruptive behaviour but it’s not! He swears it’s not his fault!
It's not his fault school is so distracting.
How is he supposed to pay attention and listen when he has a million thoughts come to him all at once, when some of his classmates are having a hushed conversation, when the lights are making that god-awful buzzing sound, when one of his classmates is repeatedly clicking their pen on and off, when the white board marker makes that horrid squeaking sound.
How is anyone expected to listen, to pay attention, to sit still when all these irritations are happening?
And it's because of these irritations that he finds himself in the situation he’s in now.
His teacher has once again asked him to stay behind after class to talk about his behaviour.
Shoyo knows all too well the lecture he’s about to receive. He’s heard it countless times. While it's usually worded differently each time it generally goes like this:
‘Your behaviour is disappointing. You need to try harder to pay attention to the lessons.’
As his classmates filed out of the classroom, he sighed, mentally preparing himself for the next 15 minutes of being lectured about needing to try harder, and he also contemplated how to explain to Daichi and coach Ukai that he was late to practice again because his teacher was scolding him.
‘Hinata, I think you know why I’ve asked you to say behind.’ Her expression was one of disappointment and her tone tinged with frustration and annoyance.
‘What do you gain from disrupting the class? I’ve had this talk with you several times already. Why do you continue to act out? Is it for attention?’
‘No that’s not it. I don’t mean to act out, I’m trying to stop.’ His voice is small. He already knew that whatever answer he gave to his teacher she wouldn’t believe.
‘I don’t think you are Hinata. If you really were trying, I would have seen some improvement in your behaviour.’
Shoyo repressed the urge to yell at her that he is trying! That he does try!
It frustrated him immensely that no one could see he is trying.
'Your behaviour isn’t just affecting you, it affects the whole class, which is why it’s such a big issue. You take away time that we could have spent on something new because you weren’t paying attention when we learnt the previous topic. You are holding back the entire class because you refuse to focus.’
Shoyo felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He really doesn’t mean to be such a problem. He really does try to listen, but he gets confused, and the words get all mixed up and then he gets lost.
‘You need to try, to actually try not just say you do, to get your behaviour sorted out. Because this is a big issue.’
He wanted to scream ‘I am trying!’ But instead, he said ‘Yes Ms, I’m sorry I’ll try harder.’
And with a few more words and promises that he'd try, she finally let him leave.
Shoyo raced down the hall to get to the gym. He hoped Daichi and coach Ukai wouldn’t be too mad at him for being late.
It wasn’t his fault he is late. His teacher is the one who held him back.
There was one thing that he couldn't get off his mind.
Why isn’t anyone else bothered by these irritations? Why does it seem like it’s only affecting him?
He feels like there is some secret that he is being kept out of because how on earth could anyone stand all the irritations?
Why is it just him that’s affected? Why can’t he ignore the irritations like everyone else?
He had thought about this over and over again and he could never find an answer.
After placing his bag in the club room and getting changed into his athletic clothes he made his way to the gym.
Once he arrived, he took a deep breath before opening the gym doors.
‘Well, well look who finally showed up.’ Tsukishima remarked.
‘Would you like to explain why you are almost 20 minutes late?’ Daichi asked while walking towards the redhead.
His eyes immediately fell to the floor. ‘My teacher had me stay back after class to talk about me not paying attention in the lessons.’
He heard snickers and hushed giggles. Shoyo didn’t dare to look up, he didn’t want to see their reactions.
‘Again? Didn’t your teacher hold you back for the same reason a few weeks ago?’ this was Sugawara asking with slight concern in his voice.
He nodded. He heard someone walking closer to him.
‘Kid you need to get this under control. I understand the lessons are boring and it's hard to pay attention to something boring, but could you try to pay just a little bit more attention? We can’t have you missing out on important practice because your being told off by your teacher.’ Ukai said.
No, they don’t understand. They have it all wrong. That’s not the reason.
‘If you actually bothered to pay attention in class maybe your grades wouldn’t be so bad.’ Tsukishima taunted.
‘No that’s not it.’ It was a weak argument, he knew that, but for some reason he felt the need to defend himself.
'What's not it Hinata?’ Takeda asked.
'That's not why I’m not paying attention.’
‘What do you mean ginger?’ Puzzled Ukai clearly not understanding what Shoyo was saying.
‘The reason for me not paying attention isn’t because the class is boring. I am trying to, but it's just too much.’ He had hoped this would clarify his reasoning for everyone but when he heard his teammates snickers, his hopes had been washed away.
‘Too much? What is learning too much for your brain to handle?’
No
‘Hinata just because you don’t like the subject doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay attention.’
They’re not listening to him.
‘You think you can slack off just because something is too much?’
That’s not it!
‘Guys stop-’
Why won’t they listen?
‘Is it really that hard to pay attention?’
It’s not his fault!
‘Maybe if you actually tried you-'
‘I AM TRYING!’ He snapped. His voice echoed throughout the gym, immediately shutting up his teammates.
‘I have been trying really, really, really hard! Why can’t anyone see that?’ and then all his pent-up anger and frustration came spilling out of him.
'It's not my fault! It’s the irritations! There's too many sounds, there’s too much happening, it’s too fast! I can’t focus, I can’t keep up! And everyone gets angry at me, blaming me but it’s not my fault!’
‘And I try so, so hard but it does nothing! I’m still failing. And no one ever listens to me when I say I am trying! They never believe me because if I was trying, I wouldn’t be failing! But I am and I don’t know why.’
‘It’s not fair! Why am I the only one struggling? Why is no one else affected? Why won’t anyone ever listen to me?’
For a few seconds the only thing that could be heard throughout the gym was Shoyo’s quick and frantic breathing.
Everyone was still in shock at the ginger’s outburst. The team did not expect their resident sunshine to blow up like that.
Sure, they’d seen him angry before but never to this extent. This feels more like a long-term anger, something he’s been bottling up for months, possibly years. It was at its capacity and all it took was for someone to say the wrong thing and the bottle exploded.
Surprisingly it was Nishinoya who spoke first ‘Oh Shoyo.’ his voice laced with sympathy. Then he was rushing straight at the redhead and pulled him into a tight hug.
Shoyo didn’t return the hug. He stood frozen in place.
Oh no
Panic surged through him. He blew up at his teammates. He unleashed his anger and frustration on them. What are they going to think?
He felt a comforting hand land on his shoulder.
'Hinata breathe.’
Inadvertently, he sucked in a breath he hadn’t been aware of holding.
Shoyo looked up to see a very worried Sugawara. He noticed most of his teammates were crowding around him.
‘Geez kid I didn’t know you felt that way.’ Ukai said plainly, his face expressing clear concern.
‘Hinata, I think it's best if you sit out for now.’ Takeda suggested.
For the first time in his life he didn't feel like playing volleyball, so he just nodded.
The team’s concern only growing with the lack of argument from him.
Noya pulled out of the hug and let Takeda guide Shoyo over to the bench.
Ukai exchanged hushed words with Ennoshita and Daichi before beckoning Takeda over.
As Takeda left, Ennoshita appeared on Shoyo's right, handing him his water bottle and asking him if there was anything else he needed.
Daichi addressed the rest of the team explaining that Ukai and Takeda would be stepping out for a moment and that practice would resume as normal.
Shoyo sat watching his team continue practice. In that moment, he wished he could go home and pretend that this entire day had never taken place.