Chapter Text
Trust was much like handing a blade to someone and praying that they don’t scrape your heart out with it.
Something precious like childhood’s innocence you don’t realize its worth until you lost it.
Lyney had learned this lesson the hard way when he’d made the wrong choice to place their future in the hands of people who promised safety and peace, not knowing that Lynette almost became the prize for his mistake.
It had rained the day they left their childhood behind and followed the path of blood their Father paved for them to the House of the Hearths.
And it had rained the day he traded the traveler's trust for the sake of his mission.
He didn’t blame Lumine for the way she had started to weigh each of his words after that day, carefully dissecting them for the faintest traces of another lie. And though he knew that it was nothing he didn't deserve when he remembered how hurt and confusion had wrestled on her face after learning the truth, the constant walk on the tightrope of Lyney the masterful magician, Lyney the future Harbinger and plain, old Lyney hidden away from the world, was something he started to wish he could abandon whenever he was near her.
It was a small miracle in itself, that Lyney had managed to catch Lumine alone while she was finishing her commissions of the day and not wanting to waste this chance presented to him, he’d invited her for a small stroll outside the city walls. The sunset had begun to descend after hours of walking and talking about her adventures, putting on a magical show of rosy gold and crimson across the wide plains stretched in front of them. Wind rose, ruffling through their locks as Lumine motioned for him to sit down next to her.
He knew that it was a selfish notion to yearn for her trust when he couldn’t even trust himself around her but when a small smile curved on Lumine’s face as he handed her yet another Rainbow rose, Lyney couldn’t help but feel enthralled by her once more. For a moment he could only stare at her in quiet wonder and the way her eyes were gold with traces of power dancing in her irises to the point his longing almost became a physical ache.
“Just how many of these roses do you carry around every day?” Lumine asked, and while there was no strain in her voice, Lyney couldn’t help but wonder if there was something else she meant to ask.
“I only brought one,” he replied.
For you alone, Lyney thought but when the flicker of a shadow ran over Lumine’s face at his words before she schooled it back into a look of lazy amusement he knew that his words failed to reach her in the intended way.
“An answer as expected from a magician,” Lumine smiled and though there was tenderness in the way her fingers brushed against the delicate petals, Lyney couldn’t help but feel as if she branded him the skillful liar that he was once again.
Lyney knew that someone as frank as Lumine would value honesty more than any of his pretty lies wrapped in ribbons, but at this point he’d tangled himself far too deep into his own web of deception that it was hard to escape himself. After all, if you lived a lie for too long you will become said lie sooner or later.
And by now he‘d long forgotten what it was like to be truly honest with anyone, including Lynette. Including himself.
So why was it that the traveler he’d only known for mere weeks made him want to unravel everything he’d so carefully built around him? Made him want her to see the real him and not the image he showed to the entire world?
Especially when he was being honest with her but couldn’t reach through the walls she’d built in response to protect herself?
Of course, Lyney could have simply told her that it was the truth but he knew that saying it plainly like that would hold no weight for her, so instead he smiled and smoothed back some strands of hair that clung to her face.
“I’m not on a stage to perform a show right now,” he said, relishing in the softness of her skin under his fingertips and the way she didn’t lean away from him.
His pulse surged when Lumine leaned her head into his lingering touch, her own hand reaching up to ghost over his.
“Isn’t your life a stage of its own though?”
There was no accusation in the way she looked at him, eyes wide and free of any trickery but only straight curiosity he realized mirrored his own interest in her. But even so her words cut into him and for a moment he struggled to calm the torrent of thoughts rushing through him.
“Every show comes to an end eventually though,” he said when he finally found his voice again. “And for this week I think I’ve already earned myself some rest from any more shows.”
Lyney couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so vulnerable as he waited for her answer, his free hand wounding into his sleeves.
“I suppose it can get tiring,” Lumine hummed in agreement and before he knew what was happening she had already pulled his head down on her lap, fingers smoothing around the edges of hair falling into his face.
“Since we’re both done with our work for today, you don’t mind if we rest here for a little longer, do you?”
There was a gleam in Lumine’s eyes as she looked down on him, head tilted and studying his face, that briefly took his breath away. His eyes and ears were closed to anything but her and only after a painfully long silence did he manage to breathe again.
“You’re spoiling me a tad too much in exchange for one simple rainbow rose,” Lyney joked in an attempt to mask the embarrassment boiling hot under his skin.
If he hadn’t been staring at her anyway, he might have missed the way her expression shifted between hesitation and confusion as she regarded him across the small space between them before she settled for a faint smile.
“I was told to take care of this rainbow rose though.”
“Lumine,” he started before his voice choked off momentarily, realizing how close she was to unearthing his true emotions he wasn’t ready to face just yet. He hoped that the setting sun masked the way his face was turning thirteen shades between crimson and mauve. Even if Lyney had witnessed Lumine fighting before, her cuts swift and deadly, it was nothing compared to the way she dismantled him so quickly in his own game.
“Honestly, you have much more of a natural talent when it comes to magic than I do,” Lyney muttered under his breath. He tried to ignore the way his head was still unable to lift itself from the comfortableness provided by her lap as it moved along with her when Lumine chuckled good-naturedly.
“Paimon and I already have an idea for a trick of our own actually, though that would require me borrowing your hat if you don’t mind. And well, Paimon. Oh wait, I’m already spilling the beans too much right now.”
There were in fact not that many things Lyney minded when it came to her, but even in his dazed state he knew better than to dwell on that thought for long.
“I’m going to be in the first row should you ever perform,” Lyney promised. “In fact, I would love to be the first one to witness your performance.”
“Already asking for a private show? I didn’t think a well-known magician swimming in applause like you could be so greedy,” Lumine teased.
Despite the way his face kept burning, Lyney couldn’t stop a smile curving his lips, elation spreading through his veins at the lighthearted glimmer in her eyes.
“I’ve always been under the assumption that there was something charming even about that. Although not as charming as you are when you cut down those Tainted Hydro Phantasms earlier.”
“You’re a hopeless romantic indeed, if you can turn my hunt for materials into something that’s worth praising.”
“Well, you did save my life there and I am quite attached to said life,” he said.
At this Lumine laughed, her hand still resting on his forehead shifting to ruffle his hair the way only siblings would do to one another and with it came the numb realization that perhaps she didn’t see him the way he wanted to be seen by her. Perhaps the only reason she was so at ease with him was the fervent wish to remember what it was to be with her brother.
He knew she was a twin like he was and that it was perhaps this fact that had kept her partial to him even after the trial, that she was searching for her brother – and perhaps saw their relationship mirrored in him and Lynette.
And for the first time since they’d met Lyney wondered how he would feel if they had traded places. Lynette standing opposed to him, leaving him behind to mourn the missing half of his soul, while he had to watch someone else have what he had lost.
It was a thought he didn’t want his mind to entertain again.
And while he couldn’t blame Lumine nor dare to speculate the true depth of her emotions, Lyney knew that he didn’t want to be someone else’s shadow – not even for her. He was greedy like that, after all.
The ghost of a smile, bitter and sweet, passed over his face at that thought and when the back of her hand against his cheek stilled, Lyney realized that she must have felt the change going through him.
“Are you okay?” Lumine asked, her lips compressed in confusion.
“It’s nothing,” he said and regretted it the moment the words left his mouth when he met her gaze, a wistful look crossing her face he realized was not against but for him.
“Don’t you hate it,” Lumine said. “Not ever saying how you really feel?”
Of course he hated it, Lyney thought. But once you’d started burying your own feelings for so long to survive you also lost the ability to actually feel or put them into words. Lyney had lost plenty of things in his life, almost none of them on his own terms. And what he’d gained in return, he knew he could also lose one day until there was nothing left. So it was easier to tell lies no matter how much their poison ate away at him.
But when he looked in Lumine’s eyes - kind, tender and golden against the darkness of the night sky, Lyney forgot how easy it was for him to lie.
So he didn’t.
“I do. That’s why I’m being honest with you right now,” he said, lightening his tone with obvious effort to mask his unspoken wish.
Please trust me this once.
“With you it’s easy to be honest,” he added after a moment short just to realize with late horror that it was the closest he’d ever been to showing his true, vulnerable self to anyone and the weight of that reckless realization made him jolt upright and turn himself from her.
Lumine didn’t let him fester in his own thoughts for long though, and instead laced her fingers through his, her warm pulse thrumming against his own where their wrists touched in silent agreement.
And for now that was enough.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
Lyney didn’t realize how much of a fool he must have seemed until they parted ways at the city’s gate, the urge to reach for her almost physically painful when Lumine turned away from him with a soft good night and a smile that broke what was left of his walls into ruins.
He stood there for a long while, blind to anything but the sight of Lumine slowly disappearing from his view before he managed to calm his racing heart and remind himself that he was supposed to keep his cool in front of her.
Unfortunately for him, the look his twin shot him when she rounded the corner and met his gaze, clearly having waited for him to return, made it clear that there was no time nor meaning in attempting to rebuild any semblance of composure. And though Lynette didn’t say a word on their walk home, he could feel her judgment radiating from her despite his wordless plea not to mention it.
Their home was quiet, still as the city without its dazzling lights save for the quiet snoring coming from Freminet curled on the giant couch. It was clear that he had waited for them come home and seeing his little brother curled so tightly in himself, Lyney couldn’t help but feel a deep ache of love turning inside his ribs.
It made him think of his little brother, always so quiet and reserved, giving him his first smile many years ago when Lyney had performed a magic trick just for him and the way his heart had surged at the childlike joy on Freminet’s face; of his smaller hands that always seemed so restless when there was nothing for him to fix and the way they’d soften whenever Lynette placed her own around his, telling him that he was doing enough for all of them.
If Lynette was the other half of his soul, then Freminet was the heart keeping their family together.
And speaking of other half, despite wanting to ignore it for the sake of his own dignity there was no way Lyney missed the leveled gaze Lynette shot him across the small space that separated them. He sighed in defeat, steeling himself for what he knew his twin would throw at him with sharp precision.
“I know you think I’m acting like a fool for her,” he whispered, quietly as not to wake Freminet who seemed completely undisturbed by his siblings. “But I thought you liked her.”
“I do, very much at that and that’s the main reason why I’m worried for both of you,” Lynette replied. “You know what we are, that she knows as well and how that kind of happiness isn’t something we can carelessly strive for like normal people.”
He knew that she was right, that she’d only spoken the words he already knew to be true but didn’t want to confront just yet and so he chose to fall back into their little game.
“Can't you show a little consideration for your own twin and only attack me like this after a good night’s rest?” Lyney whined in mock hurt but the deadpan stare Lynette sent him only made it harder to fight the smile off his face.
“It’s exactly because you’re my twin that you won’t get any,” Lynette simply replied before lying down on the couch, one hand reaching out to caress some strands of hair out of their brother’s face and a tender look smoothing out her usual straight face.
“The favoritism is starting to get out of hand,” Lyney whispered half-bemused as he pulled a blanket over the three of them and fell asleep like that, with Lynette on one side of him and Freminet on the other as the moon neared the summit on its way.