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"Dear control freak, I will talk to you when I want to talk to you. Until then, have a nice life hurting the people that you love" Nicole had read that message at least fifty times in the last hour since that message had arrived. When it had first arrived she had thrown her phone on the sofa and had angrily paced the floor of her apartment.
Control Freak?
Hurting the people that you love?
Did Waverly really think these things about her?
Yes, ok. She had made a huge mistake in keeping the results from Waverly but it had really been a spur of the moment thing and she hadn't made the decision over when she was going to tell Waverly. She knew she needed to tell her but she hadn't wanted to do so when she knew they were having their pool date in Shorty's and then it had spiralled ... God! She was so stupid. When Waverly had told her she should have come clean but she didn't. Was that her being a control freak? Was she right?
She sighed and flopped down on her sofa, grabbing her phone again. She reread the message, wishing she wasn't so glutton for punishment. The words hurt just as much as they had the first time. She started to type a response, then deleted it before trying again. This happened several times until she finally fully deleted the response she was going for. Telling Waverly how sorry she was and that she was going to tell her, that she just wasn't sure when the best time was hadn't helped. In fact it had only made things worse, bad enough for her to send that text. She also realised that she was actually keeping a big secret from Waverly that wasn't just being unsure about when to tell her about the results. She hadn't yet told her she was technically still married. She hadn't seen Shae in over three years. They texted occasionally and called each other even less but she had finally brought up divorce before she moved to Purgatory and Shae had insisted that she would handle it, that she just had to wait for the paperwork. She had then met Waverly and all thoughts of her, she hoped to be soon ex-wife, completely vanished from her mind. Until this mess happened.
She stood suddenly and walked over to the cabinet where she kept her booze. Nicole wasn't one for drinking when she was alone but she had started to make sure her cabinet was fully stocked as when Waverly and Wynonna were at her house, whiskey was definitely drank to excess. She took a long drag from the bottle, scrunching her eyes at the burn that she felt in her throat from the neat alcohol. She coughed slightly before taking another long drag and putting the bottle back. She didn't want to get drunk she just wanted something to take the edge off.
Distractions that's what she needed. She pushed her sleeves up and set about cleaning her house.
Hours later she stood in a spotlessly clean house and decided she was done for the night. She picked up her phone and was not surprised to see no further messages from Waverly so she trudged upstairs to get ready for bed. She settled in not too long after and she glanced at her watch before throwing her arm over her eyes. 1:30.
Luckily she was on a later shift tomorrow ... well, today. She didn't need to be at work until 12.
She tossed and turned and eventually she fell into a fitful sleep before waking up far earlier than she had intended with her late night. She forced herself to get out of bed and start her day.
It was only when she heard a knock at her front door that she finally allowed a smile to stretch across her face. That had to be Waverly. She had decided to come and talk about the results, finally give her a chance to explain. She opened the door feeling hopeful but that was immediately squashed.
She didn't remember much about the upcoming days. She vaguely remembered fighting Widow Mercedes, she remembered Waverly's voice telling her to hold on and she remembered speaking to Wynonna in the hospital and then talking to Waverly. The rest was a blank until she woke up feeling almost back to normal, her and Waverly had a brief tear filled conversation that was essentially both of them apologising to each other but neither had discussed what they were actually apologising for before Wynonna came almost running into the room with a shit eating grin that turned into shock, then happiness and finally betrayal before Waverly ran out of the room in tears.
Looking back now on the time she was 'spelled' she had felt so lonely. She has the vague memories that were part of the spell where the only bright part of her days were when she could see Waverly, when she brought her lunch to the station and sat and had a chat with her. When Gretta had temporarily lifted the spell and her love for Waverly and the memories of all their time together came rushing back, the relief she had felt staggered her.
Seeing Waverly and Wynonna again at the Homestead as she stood in her singed hospital gown she had relief flood through her. They were both ok. She loved Waverly with her whole heart and Wynonna had basically forced her way into her heart too, the fondness and irritation she felt for Wynonna was what she imagined she would have felt for a sister. When Wynonna had approached her about finding a way for her baby to get to Gus to be cared for and had asked her to keep it a secret because she couldn't bear to tell Waverly she had warily agreed, not wanting to keep anything from her girlfriend. She could see the irony of that now after her keeping her soon to be ex wife secret and not telling her about the DNA results right away but this at least hadn't been her secret to tell.
She and Waverly seemed to come to a silent agreement that they would talk about everything after the immediate crisis had been dealt with. When she, Waverly and Wynonna finally made it back to the Homestead after Alice had been sent to safety, Wynonna went straight for the stash of whiskey and took a long drag from the bottle as Waverly and Nicole shared concerned looks.
"Wynonna ... are you ok?" Waverly asked hesitantly.
"Am I ok?" Wynonna repeated as she took another long drag. "Let's see. I've just had to give birth on a pool table with my little sister as my midwife after my baby daddy's girlfriend tried to steal my baby and then said baby flew away in a helicopter. I'm swell!" She took a third drag from the bottle.
"She's safe, Wynonna. Perry won't let anything happen to her and when she reaches Gus he's promised to make sure she had everything she could want." Nicole said as she took Waverly's hand in her own.
"Except me." Wynonna said, tears now pouring from her eyes as she continued to drink from the bottle. "I know I'm a piece of shit but I would try to be better ... for Alice." She finished the bottle that had been a quarter full and reached for another.
"Alice?" Waverly asked as she took a step closer to Wynonna, pulling Nicole with her.
"After Doc's Mum," Wynonna nodded before collapsing on the sofa, the alcohol starting to catch up to her, "And Michelle after ours." Wynonna locked eyes with Waverly, "Because you are my sister, Waverly. Whether Ward Earp is your dad or not YOU ARE my sister and I will do anything for you." She opened the new bottle and drank some more.
"Please don't ..." Waverly started
"I am drinking myself into a coma. I just don't want to deal with anything else tonight Waves. Please don't make me deal with anything else tonight." She took another drag and went to stand up but fell back on to the sofa and giggled. "You two are far too sober." Wynonna slurred.
Waverly looked to Nicole in alarm. Wynonna had barely been drinking for a few minutes and was already drunk, months of no alcohol, her lack of food and her emotional state was clearly having an effect. "Wynonna, why don't you have a shower and get cleaned up, I'll make some dinner and then we will drink with you and not be sober too." Nicole said, taking the bottle from Wynonna's hand.
"Urgh! Fine!" Wynonna grumbled, stumbling a little as she stood. "But I want bacon Haught Shit." She walked over to the bathroom, shedding clothes as she went.
Nicole turned to Waverly, "Go with her. It's the first time since the baby was born and it might hit her" She said softly. Waverly nodded and walked after her sister, picking up the discarded clothes as she went as Nicole turned towards the kitchen. Bacon sandwiches it was.
It didn't take long for Wynonna to collapse on her bed after eating and then drinking herself into oblivion. Waverly gently covered her with a blanket as Nicole put a glass of water on the bedside table.
They made their way into the living room and sank onto the sofa wrapped in each other's arms, sitting quietly for a few minutes before Nicole spoke up.
"Do you want to talk things out now or tomorrow?" Nicole asked.
Waverly hesitated, "Yes, we need to talk." She turned to face Nicole whose face had fallen at the words 'we need to talk'. "Nicole I ..."
"No, me first Waves. I'm so sorry about everything. It was all my fault and ..."
"No, it wasn't all your fault. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did and I should have given you the chance to explain but I need to tell you that ..." Waverly wanted to tell her about Rosita but she wasn't making it easy with her trying to take all the blame.
"Baby, it wasn't your fault. You had every right to feel that way about the results and I should have told you about Shae but I ..."
"I kissed Rosita!" Waverly blurted out. Nicole instantly froze. "It meant nothing but I have to be honest. We went to the spa and I was so angry at you and she was just being such a good friend and then the next thing I know we're in a hot tub and she's talking about how Champagne bubbles are made and I kissed her."
Nicole pulled her hand away from Waverly's and stood up to create distance between them. "You ... kissed her?"
"Yes but it meant nothing! The second it happened, we both pulled away because we knew it shouldn't be happening."
Nicole turned her back to Waverly and pushed her hands into her hair and gripped it tightly. Waverly had kissed someone else. The woman she was completely in love with had cheated on her. She had wanted to punch Rosita before but now she wanted to tear her apart. The anger filled her up, the frustration, the disappointment.
"Nicole ...?" Waverly asked as she hesitatingly came up behind her and reached out her hand to gently touch her shoulder.
"Don't touch me!" Nicole spat causing Waverly to quickly pull her hand away. "Just ... please ..." Nicole closed her eyes tightly as tears threatened to fall. She needed to think rationally, to get a cool head but all she could see behind her closed eyelids was Waverly kissing Rosita and hands travelling places that she couldn't stand the thought of. Her control snapped and with it her eyes opened wide and her hands left her hair to punch the wall in front of her.
"Nicole!" Waverly exclaimed, as she moved to the side of her. She didn't touch her but she looked anxiously at her hand. "Please don't hurt yourself."
"I don't have to!" Nicole suddenly burst out, shouting loudly as she turned around to face Waverly. "You've already done that!" she yelled.
"I didn't do that to hurt you!" Waverly snapped back, before she looked towards Wynonna's bedroom. "We can't do this here, we can't disturb Wynonna now we've got her to rest."
"Well where the hell do you want to do this?" Nicole snapped back.
Waverly didn't answer. Instead, she grabbed Nicole's uninjured hand and pulled her out of the house and into the barn. They stared at each other for a few minutes before Waverly sighed. "I'm so sorry Nicole. I would never hurt you intentionally but the minute that kiss happened I knew that it would. When we pulled away I said, "I'm with Nicole." Because that's what I want, to be with you."
"You kissed someone else Waverly!" Nicole shouted, "Cheating is a big problem for me, it's happened before and really fucked me up!"
"Well, what about you?" Waverly threw back. "You're still married for God's sake! Is that not cheating?"
Nicole scoffed, "Shae and I have been separated for over two years. We just haven't actually signed the papers. She's a good person, we're just not good as a couple."
"You didn't think you should have told me that? That you're still married?" Waverly asked, trying to cool the conversation down. "Instead I found out by her coming into town when you were dying." Waverly couldn't help the hurt in her tone.
"Yes, I should have. And I was going to but Waverly we haven't been together for that long, there are things about each other that we haven't found out."
Waverly closed her eyes for a second, took a deep breath and laid all her cards on the table. She wanted Nicole to understand that what happened was out of character for her and that she was just as disappointed in herself as Nicole was in her. "I never thought that I would cheat on anyone. Champ used to cheat on me all the time and I swore I never would. I understand if you can't move past it but please Nicole I would sacrifice anything for you. I nearly did." Waverly looked down in guilt before she looked back to Nicole. "When Wynonna told me that she would save you, that she would find a way, I believed her and had it been my life on the line I would never have made that deal but it was your life. You told me you have never loved anyone the way you love me and baby, I feel the exact same way. Yes, we haven't been together that long but every second I'm with you I feel like I'm finally becoming who I'm supposed to be. When I found the DNA results in your bag I was so angry because I didn't think you would ever keep things from me. People have done that my whole life and there I was feeling so angry at you that I wrote that horrible message and then I ..." Waverly felt tears fill up in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. This was her own fault and if Nicole wanted to end things because of her mistake she had to let her have that.
Nicole sighed, some of her anger finally dissipating. "I wasn't going to keep it from you, Waverly. I promise I was going to tell you but they had just arrived that morning. I wanted to know what they said so I could be there for you if they did show that you weren't genetically an Earp. It was wrong to do that I realise that but I had to know and then when I did know all I wanted to do was protect you."
"I don't need protecting." Waverly replied firmly.
"I know but baby, I will always try to protect whether you need it or not. That's just who I am." Nicole took a deep breath and stepped towards Waverly, reaching out to take her hand. "I have to know." She said so softly that Waverly could just hear her. "Please tell me that it was just a kiss, that it ... didn't ..."
"Oh baby," Waverly sighed, cautiously reaching out to take Nicole's face in her hands so she could look Nicole right in the eyes. "It was one kiss that barely lasted. We were both in shock when I kissed her. I honestly don't know why I did it. I can't even tell you that it was because I liked her like that because I barely wanted to be her friend before the baby shower happened. How I feel about it now and how it's made you feel, I can guarantee it will never happen again ... with anyone. I never want to see you hurt like this again. You're it for me."
Nicole finally felt the grip on her heart loosen. "You really mean that?"
"As angry as I was with you I always knew that we would work it out. After I kissed Rosita I was so angry with myself because it was almost like I was self sabotaging from the best relationship I had ever had. Me saying it meant nothing is not just me trying to minimise what I did, I cheated I get that but I hope you can see past what has happened so we can give each other another chance. You, Nicole Haught, are the best thing to happen to me."
"Waverly, you are everything to me. I think that's why this hurts so much. Logically I know that it was just a kiss that nothing further happened and you've told me about it, you haven't lied about it, as it would have been so easy for you to never tell me but I don't know if I can move past the fact that it not only happened but that you initiated it." Nicole looked down, away from Waverly's eyes that were now unable to stop the tears from falling. Her hands fell from Nicole's face and she took a few steps back.
"I understand." Waverly choked out, trying to keep her voice steady. "You can take my jeep since your cruiser isn't here."
"What? Why?" Nicole asked, confused.
"Well you're breaking up with me so you won't want to stay here so I thought ..."
When Waverly had thought that Nicole was leaving, her mind overruled seeing her kiss Rosita and instead she saw the life without her. Her mind suddenly cleared and she stepped forward, took Waverly's face in her hands and kissed her softly. "Waverly Earp. I made you a promise that as long as you want me I will be by your side. I just need some time for my mind to wrap around it. Our time under the wish showed me that in any universe we will end up together." She looked into Waverly's eyes. "Unless ... do you still want ..."
"Yes!" Waverly exclaimed, her arms wrapping around Nicole's waist and pulling her into a tight hug. "I will spend the rest of our lives trying to make this up to you." Waverly spoke into Nicole's shoulder where her face was tightly pressed.
It was this moment, with Waverly in her arms and her thoughts a few minutes ago she finally pushed through all the hurt and anger, helping her think clearly for the first time since Waverly had told her about the kiss. She wanted to be with Waverly for ever if she'd have her. She wanted to wake up every day with her, argue over the best things to watch and cook dinner with her. She was in love with Waverly. Waverly's only relationship prior to Nicole had been Champ and he had not shown Waverly what a true partnership was.
"Ok, this is what we're going to do." Nicole started and led Waverly over to the bed to sit down so they could look at each other. She took Waverly's hands in her own and looked her in the eyes. "We have both screwed up in the last few days but instead of talking to each other about it you got angry and refused to talk and then I got defensive which just lead to a spiral of things going wrong. If we want this relationship to work we need to talk to each other about how we're feeling. Even if we're angry or hurt. Let's wipe the slate clean from what's been messed up so far and put it down as mistakes that happen early on in a relationship. I won't bring up the kiss and hold it against you if you don't keep holding the DNA results and me not being totally honest about Shae against me."
Waverly sagged in relief. "You mean it?" she whispered.
"Absolutely. I want to do this with you. Where you go, I go, remember?"
Waverly lunged forward and kissed Nicole deeply, straddling her girlfriend. "You are amazing." She smiled against Nicole's lips.
The words, the three big words were on the tip of her tongue but now wasn't the right time. They were both a little raw from their conversation so she went for light. "Want me to show you how amazing?" she wiggled her eyebrows as she gripped Waverly hips tightly.
"Make up sex is the best sex right?" Waverly giggled, echoing words from their first fight and pushed Nicole down onto the bed.
Nicole knew they would be ok. This could easily have gone down as a kicking and screaming fight that had them not talking to each other for days and holding onto the anger for weeks, threatening their relationship. Her anger tonight had almost done that but her love for Waverly far outweighed her anger. She'd never had this type of relationship herself, one where you talked things out. Her marriage to Shae had started in a drunken bang and ended on a whisper where Shae had moved out and left her ring on the kitchen side with a note apologising.
She looked up at Waverly who was looking back at her with so much love that she knew they would be just fine.