Chapter Text
Rule #1: There shall be no prank wars between Sirius Orion Black and James Fleamont Potter within Marauders Records or the surrounding neighborhood
Marlene opened the back door of Marauders Records early on a Saturday morning and walked into a wall of fake spiderweb, complete with fake plastic spider rings. For some reason beyond her comprehension, there were also a handful of plastic vampire teeth entangled in the webs.
She pushed her way through the webs none too gently and practically bellowed into the shop as she removed any lingering debris or plastic spiders from her hair.
“SIRIUS ORION BLACK!”
She heard the distinct sound of a wheeled chair rolling over hardwood and saw Sirius’ head peek around the corner, a shit-eating grin on his face despite the wrath of Marlene about to come down on him. “Yes, dearest Marlene?”
“Would you care to explain why there is a wall of web across the back door? It’s April.”
“I would have thought that was self-explanatory: it’s April 1st, April Fool’s Day.”
Marlene groaned, knowing how dedicated James and Sirius were to pranking and constantly one-upping each other’s pranks for the entire month of April. She had hoped owning a business would have distracted the pair from their long-standing tradition, but no such luck. Not even being small business owners could stop them.
“Okay, but why spiderwebs?” she asked as she removed her coat and checked her makeup in the large antique mirror she and Sirius insisted be included in the decor.
“Spiderwebs give James the heebie-jeebies,” he responded with a shrug, “Everyone knows that. He apparently ‘feels like a bug’ and feels like an over-large spider will find him and suck his blood if he walks into one.”
Marlene froze, looking at Sirius through the mirror. “That’s…imaginative? Also that’s rude as hell, he’s going to be useless all day because of this!”
As Sirius opened his mouth to reply, a high-pitched shriek came from the back door. His eyes lit up with a devious sort of glee as he reclined in his chair and tented his fingers, waiting for James to emerge.
He didn’t have to wait long. James came around the corner with webs and plastic spiders in his unruly hair while attempting to remove webbing from his mouth from when he screamed.
“Sirius. Orion. Black.” James’ tone was deceptively even as his eyes narrowed watching his best friend casually recline in the chair.
“James Fleamont Potter. So nice to see you this fine April morning! I take it you’re fully awake now based on your ever so manly shout. Oh, you’ve got something in your hair, by the way.”
Sirius’ nonchalant attitude must have been the last straw, because James lunged forward and tackled Sirius out of the chair and onto the ground. The commotion broke two wheels off the chair and it careened wildly across the shop, knocking over a lamp and eventually coming to a stop just before it collided with a shelf full of records.
Marlene took a deep breath and strode over to the two grown men wrestling on the floor. She yanked them both up by the collars of their shirts and shook them a bit for good measure. Sirius, ever the sore loser, wiggled his fingers at James. They were all adorned with the remaining spider rings and James yelped as he tried to free himself from Marlene’s grasp.
“Oh no, you’re not going anywhere Mr. Heebie-Jeebies. I’m calling an Emergency Meeting.”
There had only been one other Emergency Meeting in the three months the shop had been open for, and it was to decide what kind of desk chair to get. Marlene advocated for a wheeled chair while James wanted a stationary but spinny stool. After the loss of her desk chair, it seemed that James was going to get his wish. Marlene thought this was far more of an emergency than getting Sirius to break a tie.
“I’m establishing a ground rule for the shop: no pranks, prank wars, or the like between the two of you. I mean it, I’ll quit if I stumble into another prank or a customer gets caught in the crossfire or you inevitably flood the street and ruin the neighborhood.”
She could see they were about to argue their point, but her fierce gaze must have quieted any objections. Sirius sighed in defeat and got a sharpie and piece of notebook paper, writing down Marlene’s rule with her specific stipulations and slid the binder onto a shelf underneath the register.
I hope we don’t need too many more rules,
she thought to herself as she ordered Sirius to remove all webs, spiders, and teeth from the premises.