Work Text:
i find a lot of problems with my father, not all necessarily his fault, not all necessarily my fault. i think quite a few of the problems stem from before i could even form thoughts, when i was too young to think but old enough to thirst for parental validation but he wasnt there and i know it was for a just reason, we were in recession and there was more money down south so in order to provide for his family he drove 6 hours away and would come back for the weekends, and during that time i think the rift started to form.
The large assault on the rift came from the lack of boundaries respected when i was old enough to think for myself but too young that it was brushed off, when it became obvious of my dislike towards a certain thing it became a fun game to push me as far as possible and while yes i'm guilty of this as well, i would like to remind myself my father would have been 40 or more and i not even an adult, i hate to think that all his children went through this or worse that my mother also laughed, that our discomfort was all to their amusement.
As i grew older i could form my own opinions, detached from my parents thinking, not consulting them would put me at odds with them. thankfully for me i wasn't the only one, unfortunately for him the same graces don't apply and his own rift was ever growing. Perhaps one of the worst reasons for the problems was my own opinions, however i think most people would agree with me and when you have the majority isn't it always the other person that is wrong? i have said things in the past which have been misconstrued whether for comedic effect for through genuine misinterpretation but i don't think i can offer the same apologies which follow, to him.
I have seen a nasty side to this man and i have seen a nasty side of my mother, of course i have its hazard of living with people for as long as children do, you see the parts of them they love to hide away, to deny, to have come out only when not fully in control, its these nasty parts that make you hope for some form of mixup that your not truly supposed to be here, that you have a different family waiting or mourning you that you could eventually reunite with, but for now you're with these people