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“Are they gonna be here soon?” Atsushi asked.
Dazai grinned down at the small boy. “Don’t worry, Fyodor is always on time. They’ll be here.” he waved in the direction of Atsushi’s momentarily forgotten coloring book. “Go color some more while you wait, okay?”
Atsushi grinned back, forever believing Dazai. “Okay!” he went back to coloring clumsily in his book, his little tongue sticking out as he did.
“Ahh, I see you’ve been waiting for me, Dazai,” a cool, accented voice said.
Atsushi looked up, and his eyes widened with a huge smile.
“Fyodor!” Dazai exclaimed, opening his arms to him, which Fyodor did not accept. He simply sat down at the table, across from Dazai. “So nice of you to come.”
“Of course. I had promised Sigma.” Fyodor glances at the little boy, who was already playing with Atsushi.
Dazai grinned at the two little boys, his head tilted almost lovingly. “Yeah, I couldn’t say no to Atsushi’s constant requests to play today.” he looked back up at Fyodor with a now shit-eating grin. “And, of course , I had to carve out some time to talk with my bestie!”
Fyodor gave him a blank look. “We aren’t besties. But I’d say we have some interesting conversations, Dazai.”
At this, Dazai giggled and laced his hands together. “Awhh. Good enough for me!”
“Hi, Atsushi!” Sigma said, waving at his friend.
Atsushi waved back, a big grin on his face. “Hi, Sigma! I’m coloring a tiger right now, wanna join?”
Sigma nodded eagerly and pulled out his own little coloring book and crayons from his backpack.
Atsushi caught sight of the backpack and gawked. “Woah, that’s a fancy backpack! Did Mr. Feyda buy it for you?”
Sigma nodded. “Mhmm. He said it was only for school, but since I’ve been really careful with my stuff he said I could bring it today and show you!” He lifted up the backpack, which was a deep navy color, and covered in detailed stars. “And look!” he waved Atsushi closer.
Atsushi leaned in close next to him, watching as Sigma cupped his hands over a star and leaned over it.
“They glow!”
Atsushi’s multicolored eyes lit up like stars themselves. “Wow!! That’s so cool!!”
Sigma grinned and giggled, happy that his friend liked his pretty star backpack.
“Look at mine!” Atsushi lifted up his own backpack onto the table.
It was Sigma’s turn for his eyes to light up. “It’s a tiger!!”
“Yeah!!” Atsushi unzipped the tiger’s mouth. “And see? You can put stuff in his mouth!”
“Woah, that’s cool!” Sigma said, sticking his finger in the mouth pouch.
Atsushi giggled at Sigma sticking his finger in the tiger’s mouth. “It might chomp your finger off!”
Sigma retracted his hand, like it was actually going to take his precious fingers. When he saw Atsushi’s grin, the fear left his face and he smiled, letting out a little laugh.
“Cute, aren’t they?” Dazai said, sipping his tea.
Fyodor nodded, sipping his own. “Yes, it’s astounding how alike they are.”
Dazai nodded, then shrugged. “For all we know, they could actually be siblings. They even kind of look alike.”
“That’s a possibility, yes,” Fyodor answered.
“Anyways, what’s been up with you, bestie?” Dazai asked, his voice going up high.
Fyodor gave him another blank stare. “Don’t call me that.” he took a sip of his tea, looking at Dazai over the brim of his cup. “But, I have made significant progress in the Decay of Angels’ plan.”
“Oh?” Dazai raised an eyebrow, tilting his head. His caramel eyes narrowed. “I hope it won’t hinder the Detective Agency too much, I have a job and a little guy to maintain here, you know.”
Fyodor smiled slyly. “It won’t be anything you can’t handle. You constantly surprise me, even when I can read over 80% of your intentions anyways.”
Dazai leaned back in his chair, giving him a satisfying smirk. “Mm, yeah, I’m like that. You’re too easy to read, Fyodor!”
Fyodor set his chin on his hands. “Am I? I find that hard to believe.”
“Oh, come on, I can tell what you’re thinking,” Dazai purred, leaning over his teacup and looking directly into Fyodor’s eyes. “Like how you’re currently thinking of what to make for dinner tonight, but Sigma is probably going to ask to eat out, seeing as how it’ll be dinner time soon, and we’ll still be here talking.”
Fyodor gave no reaction. Instead, he kept gazing at Dazai calmly. “You, Dazai, are planning to go out for dinner because Kunikida isn’t going to be home to make you two anything. Probably at a ramen house, but you won’t eat ramen, and neither will Atsushi. He always eats tea on rice whenever you go out, even when you’re at home. You eat almost nothing.” He tilts his head and frowns a little, almost as if he were concerned for Dazai’s well being. “Which is a shame, really. Atsushi could take after you in a way you don’t want him to. He must grow up to be a healthy, strong boy, now, yes?”
Dazai was silent for a moment, simply staring at Fyodor. He shook his head, huffing. “You never make this any fun , Fyodor!” he whined.
Fyodor simply blinked. “Is it time for happy group counseling hour already?”
Dazai’s eyes narrowed and he giggled. “Yes, Fyodor, I think it is.”
Sigma looked over at the two adults, a confused and curious look on his face. “What do you think they’re talking about, Atsushi?”
Atsushi glanced over at them, then returned to his drawing. “Probably world dominination.”
Sigma squeaked. “World dominination?!”
Atsushi nodded. “Yeah, but maybe they’re talking about Dazai dad’s problems with ladies. He has those a lot.”
“Problems with ladies? Do they chase him an’ stuff?” Sigma asks, drawing big stars on his paper.
“Mhmm,” Atsushi nods. “He chases them and then they chase him. An’ sometimes he’ll see one for a while, but then do something dumb, and then they’ll chase them ‘cause they’re mad at him. When this happens I go to Mr. Kunikida’s house.”
“Is Mr. Kunikida fun?” Sigma asked.
He shrugged. “Eh… kind of. He makes me do my homework before I get to do anything fun. But he makes really yummy food and is really good at reading! He does all the voices an’ stuff.”
“Oooo,” Sigma hummed, his eyes sparkling. “That sounds so fun! Kolyalych does that, too. He acts out the story like he’s actually there! But… sometimes he’ll break things because he gets crazy, and then Feyda shakes his head and sometimes pins Kolyalych to the wall and tells him not to do that anymore…”
Atsushi blinked. “That sounds scary…”
Sigma shrugged. “It’s not that bad… I just go somewhere else when that happens, but they’re loud…”
“Dazai is loud too when Mr. Kunikida comes over to cook and help clean… his voice gets all high and stuff.. Like he’s acting like a girl. It’s weird!”
Sigma nodded. “Yeah! Feyda’s voice does that too! Maybe they like playing house and they always end up mama?”
Atsushi nodded in agreement. “That’s gotta be it, yeah.”
“Yeah.” Sigma nodded again, firmly, and then the two of them went back to drawing.
“You go first, Dazai,” Fyodor said, gesturing to him with an open hand. “I’m sure your problems are much more urgent than mine at the present moment.”
Dazai sighed dramatically. “Well, I just can’t seem to get through to the wonderfully captivating muse who teaches Atsushi’s class… she has a voice like chocolate and the way she uses her hands are wonderful…” he sighed again, resting his chin on his hand. “Alas, no matter what I try she won’t let me take her out!”
Fyodor shook his head. “Give her a reason to need you, it's simple. Women constantly crave emotional support. Find a way to help her out, or, if you wish to stoop this low, simply use Atsushi to get closer to her.”
“Ahhh, you always have the right answer for these things!”
“That I do,” Fyodor answered, smiling softly in humble pride.
“All right, your turn, Fyodor!”
Fyodor hummed softly in thought. “I have many things I need advice for regarding Sigma, but I’m afraid your answers will only hinder me more.”
“What?! I’m hurt,” Dazai whined. “I raise Atsushi just fine!”
“Yes.. it could be much worse, I suppose,” Fyodor answered, glancing at the two small boys chatting away at the table next to them. “Anyways, I have a rat problem at home. With real rats, not the Rats in the House of the Dead. They keep finding their way into the pantry, and won’t go after the food in the traps I’ve set. How do I keep them out?”
“Hrm…” Dazai tilted his head in thought. “What have you put on the traps so far?”
“I’ve tried peanut butter, nuts, marshmallows, chocolate… even gumdrops.”
“Simply use rat poison if you haven’t, then,” Dazai answered.
“See, I won’t use rat poison because I don’t want Sigma getting into it by mistake. He goes into the panty quite often to make snacks for himself, and I’m afraid he’d see the rat poison and mistake it for something else. He gets quite curious sometimes…” Fyodor glanced over at Sigma as he saids this, a slightly concerned look on his face.
“Awhhh, is this the Demon Fyodor having concern for a child like his own?” Dazai teased, a glint in his eyes.
Fyodor gave him a blank look. “Please, simply tell me how to get rid of these rats. I’m tired of chasing them out.”
Dazai raised his hands in surrender. “Fine, fine. Rats are smart devils, they can see through a generic trap usually. Try using something with a strong smell, like bacon. Then set up a sort of obstacle course to get to it, ending in the trap. Or, you could use a strong citronella oil and spray it all over the cracks and siding on the pantry. Rats find it repulsive, so they’ll stay away from the area.”
Fyodor leaned back in his chair, nodding in approval. “That seems like it would work. Thank you. Poor Sigma found one munching on his pastila and screamed so loudly I thought he was being assaulted.”
Dazai laughed, despite the situation. “Oh, that must’ve been a sight!”
“It most certainly was… he cried over it so violently, and I couldn’t help but make more for him.” Fyodor sipped his tea, acting as if what he’d just said wasn’t horribly affectionate of him.
Dazai simply sat there, shaking his head. Fyodor was really a very thoughtful person when he wanted to be. Not nearly as heartless as he was advertised. Cold, yes. But in a strange way that the spring has a coldness to it and an underlying warmth, because summer is coming, and the bitter air won’t last forever.
“Feyda,” Sigma whispered, coming over to Fyodor and tugging his sleeve.
Fyodor looked down at him. “Mm? What is it?”
Sigma looked from side to side before saying, “I’m hungry…”
Fyodor looked up at Dazai, and his eyes then drifted downwards to see Atsushi telling Dazai he too was hungry.
“Well,” Fyodor started. “I suppose we should be going, Dazai. They’re not going to be civil about their hunger for much longer.”
Dazai chuckled. “Quite right, Demon Fyodor. All right, Atsushi, go pack up your stuff and then we can go get some dinner.”
Atsushi grinned, his face gleaming. “Yay! Oh- can we eat dinner with Mr. Feyda and Sigma??”
Dazai looked over at Fyodor, raising a suggestive eyebrow. Fyodor looked down at Sigma in question.
Sigma looked from Atsushi to Fyodor. “Please, Feyda? Can we eat together?”
Fyodor’s shoulders visibly sagged with a sigh, but he nodded. “All right. We can. But, Dazai is paying.”
Dazai groaned. “Really? After I went through all the trouble to put this play date together?”
Fyodor grinned, his purple eyes narrowed. “Consider it return in me paying for everyone’s tea.”
Dazai sighed. “All right, fine. Fine.”
“Yay!” Sigma and Atsushi cried, rushing to pick up their things.
“I’ll get you back for this,” Dazai muttered to Fyodor.
Fyodor simply grinned again. “I openly welcome any attempts.”