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Faux wasn’t sure what to do about Felix.
He really couldn’t get a read on him. Not like he could be forthcoming himself, but he still wanted to at least know better who he was working with. Felix had a habit of only showing up when there was only graffiti to be done or to show they had the rep to make other crews back off. It’s like he preferred a solitary life, not like Faux didn’t understand. He spent a lot of time also not letting people in, and if they knew about his father, they’d certainly kick him out.
Yet when Felix was around, he always felt seen. Felix always had a way of complimenting his skill. Faux wondered if it was just his way of blowing smoke, but every time he turned to face him, Felix always had this warm glow, a smile that was burned into Faux’s mind. Faux always stuffed the thoughts down, it’s not like he could really entertain the idea, but sometimes he wondered if Felix would turn that smile to him rather than his art. He asked himself why he had these thoughts, it’s not like he and Felix were that close besides how they worked together, but he was always intrigued by Felix. Just what was going on with him? How did he even do anything without a boostpack? He always said he just needed his one wing and point to his tattoo, but what meaning did that have? What did he look like without his beanie on? And if he really thought he was better solo, why did he even give Faux the time of day?
Faux sat over the edge of the building, looking over all of Versum Hill. He leaned against the billboard that stood over the building, looking as the sun set. This area was theirs, no one would be that dumb to move in on the Big 3’s territory at this point. He picked up his phone, idly scrolling through his old messages. He looked through Felix’s old messages, seeing pics of prime spots for graffiti and work that reminded him of Faux’s own graffiti. Was this really all their relationship was? Just a makeshift crew working together? Then again, it’s not like it could be much more. This was just the nature of things, Faux kept people at a distance to prevent them from knowing his roots, and that would just have to include Felix. He felt conflicted. Why did he want Felix to be so much in his life?
“Yo,” Faux heard someone call from the side. “So you also wanted to take in the sights?”
Faux turned the voice’s way to see Felix, mask set to the side and skateboard in hand. He leaned back against the billboard, replying to him, “And? You make it sound like this is your spot.”
Felix only chuckled. “It is, but I can share.” He moved to sit down beside him, propping up his skateboard against the billboard. He leaned back, taking in the city from above. “We haven’t even tagged up here. How’d you find out about it?”
“It’s not like we haven’t analyzed this city,” Faux responded, turning to look at the city below them. “Even spots that aren’t perfect for graffiti can still be used.”
Felix smiled, “You’re not wrong.”
The two sat in silence for a minute, just letting their surroundings soak in. What was Faux supposed to say? They’ve spent time more like coworkers than friends, a makeshift graffiti crew that were powerhouses all on their own and could split at any time. They kept their distance, but why not? Faux needed the space to make sure no one would learn about him, learn about all the people that have taken the fall in his place. But there was something about him that wanted Felix closer, even though he shouldn’t. What was so intriguing about him?
“Y’know, you’re not much of a talker,” Felix spoke up, not even looking at Faux.
Faux shot him a look. Honestly, what was he expecting? “I could say the same to you, you know. What are your messages half the time? Just pictures of places we can tag.”
“Hey, that’s not all. I like to think I send you some pretty good inspiration.”
“Wow. Truly going all out.”
Faux was pretty sure he saw an eyebrow raise under Felix’s beanie. “You don’t sound satisfied.”
Faux sighed, leaning forward and running a hand through his hair. “Not sure what you’re really wanting here, Felix. We’re not even really crewmates. We aren’t close.”
Felix leaned in closer to him, trying to see the expressions on Faux’s face. “You kinda look upset over that. You know this is a give and take sort of thing, right?”
Faux shot him a look. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“C’mon, you haven’t seen the messages you also send me? Hell, if you ever message me,” Felix responded, pulling back his beanie some. “Not sure what you want from me.”
“We don’t have to be close.”
“Do you want to?”
Faux stopped. There was an obvious answer. He remembered his situation, how Felix would probably drop him on the spot if he knew the truth. Yet when he turned to Felix, he saw a look of concern. What did Felix want out of this? He saw a few strands of hair start to fall from under his beanie. Wait, was his hair long under there?
Faux had to back away to regain a sense of personal space. He couldn’t be this close to Felix, but that didn’t stop Felix from leaning in even closer. He really wasn’t letting this one rest. There was something about being this close to Felix that really set him on edge. It wasn’t anger, at least he didn’t think. It was more like nervousness. Just what was it about Felix that did this to him? He honestly didn’t know what to do.
Felix stopped his thinking. “Hey. Do you like me?”
“Loaded question. I wouldn’t work with you if I hated you.”
“Not what I meant, man.”
Faux considered jumping off the building. Just what was he implying? He turned away from him as best he could. Something in his mind just went blank, like he was unable to process the situation.
Felix ended up backing away, taking the hint and looking back at the sky above them. “Well, I guess you don’t have to answer that one if you don’t want to. You just send a lot of mixed signals.”
“What? You’re telling me you want to be closer?”
“Yeah, actually.”
Faux was surprised. He turned to face Felix, shock apparent on his face, but Felix looked as cool as always as he looked up at the sky. If Felix really wanted to be close to him, he hardly showed it. His actions almost contradicted his words.
Felix turned to him, ignoring Faux’s stunned face. “Then again, it’s probably my fault. Should’ve moved sooner.”
Faux desperately tried not to fumble over his words. “So what? You want to be friends?”
Felix laughed, “You’re kind of dense, man.”
Now what was he talking about? Faux was just confused at this point. Enough about what Faux wanted from Felix, what did Felix want from him?
He didn’t really have time to think that one through. Felix was now back in his personal bubble, probably an inch away from his face. Faux felt frozen in place, watching in shock as Felix moved closer and closer to him. He didn’t even have time to process what was happening to him before Felix’s lips crashed on to his. Faux couldn’t even get lost in the feeling. He was too stunned. He could feel his mind going through twists and turns to decide how he should feel about this. Should he be enjoying this? He knew how closely he was now treading the line, how Felix couldn’t really know a thing about him if he wanted to stay in this makeshift crew.
But then again, could he really deny the part that screamed in his mind that this was something he wanted?
Felix pulled away, looking at Faux’s face. He smiled, not cocky, just happy. “Alright. It’s my fault. I should’ve talked to you more off the bat if I wanted to be in your life.” He didn’t let Faux’s silence or stunned face stop him from continuing, “Well, if you’ll let me in your life that is.”
Faux didn’t say anything, just stared at him. He wasn’t sure what was on his face, only hoped that it didn’t give away how mixed up he felt inside.
Felix’s smile dropped at first only to chuckle, “Hey, c’mon. Don’t look at me blushing.”
Faux quickly turned away. Was he really blushing? He tried to collect his thoughts, but in Felix’s presence, he could feel his mind deflate. He could see out of the corner of his eye Felix noticing his hair leaking from his beanie. He didn’t act like it was a big deal; he pulled back his beanie to brush back his hair and collect it, putting his beanie back on once he was sure his hair would fit under it. Faux had to fight back every urge to stare. So this is what was under the beanie. It was like a question long answered, except now he thought more about seeing him without it.
The silence hit them again. Felix didn’t let that affect him, he only noticed it and commented, “Hey, you can say something. Don’t leave me hanging.”
Faux took a breath, trying to collect himself. Felix still wasn’t clear to him, he wasn’t really sure what to do about him, and now he was saddled with new knowledge of him of what he looked like and what he kissed like. He still couldn’t let him in, not fully. There were many sides to him that Felix absolutely could not know about, lest he wanted to be cut off completely.
But there was something nice about this feeling, something that Faux hadn’t considered his feelings to be like. Maybe he did and just stuffed down the feeling. He wasn’t really sure what he could do at this point. He knew that he was at a crossroads, he knew he couldn’t risk everything in order to get closer to Felix, but also if Felix was going to bring him closer, who was he to stop him?
For now, at least a lie would suffice.
Faux stuffed down his feelings, trying to keep a genuine smile as he looked up at the sky. “Alright. I can let you in.”