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The fingers snapping in front of her face are the third set that day. Caitlin turns towards Cisco, who is mid eye roll as he pulls his hand back, smiling at him in apology as a blush creeps into her cheeks.

"Sorry," she says, sending one last glance across the cafeteria, eyes falling on football team captain Ronnie Raymond for a second before she forces herself to look away.

"You gonna apologize to Raymond for molesting him with your eyes?" Cisco asks, eyebrows wiggling up and down. Caitlin kicks his shin under the table.

“That’s not funny,” she says, though she can’t stop herself from looking back again.

She knows that at this point (almost June of her senior year) her crush on Ronnie Raymond has shifted into the creepy zone. Sure, it was cute when she was a freshman, and still kind of cute as a sophomore, but by now she should be over it. She knows that.

Still, despite never having held a conversation with the boy, she can’t seem to stop. Every time he enters a room she’s in, her heart skips a beat. If he’s anywhere in the vicinity she can’t tear her eyes away. She’s been going to every single football game since he was named quarterback in junior year, despite not knowing a single member of the football team or caring an ion about the sport.

Honestly, it’s kind of pathetic.

“Speaking of which, how’s Operation Bucket List going?” Cisco asks, once again drawing her attention away from Ronnie.

“Going the same way it always goes – not.”

“That’s because you spend all day staring at him like a creep instead of actually going over and talking to him,” Cisco says, leaning across the cafeteria table and pushing at her forearm, “I bet if you’d just go over and introduce yourself he’d be asking you to the prom in minutes.”

Her bottom lip slips between her teeth as she glances Ronnie’s way again. He’s currently sitting in the middle of a table full of football players and cheerleaders, telling some story and gesturing wildly with his arms. His gorgeous, amazingly defined arms. Caitlin just wants to wrap her entire body around them.

“I don’t think so,” she says, not looking away, “I mean, what would he want to do with me? I’m the girl he cheats off in math class, not the girl he takes to prom.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Cait,” Cisco says, his foot tapping hers gently under the table, “You’re a lot more than your brain – although that part of you is pretty spectacular, if I do say so myself.”

She finally turns to face him, giving him a half smile, “Stop, you’ll make me blush.”

“This early in the day?” Cisco pretends to check his watch. Caitlin scoffs and looks down at her tray, realizing she hasn’t eaten any of her lunch yet. She starts digging into her sandwich, forcing herself to stare at it instead of letting her gaze wander back to the football table.

She and Cisco eat in silence, although Cisco’s phone does beep several times throughout. When her plate is empty Caitlin looks up to see Cisco tapping away at his phone and furrows her brow. “Who are you texting?”

It can’t be her, obviously, she’s sitting right here. And it can’t be Barry, Linda, or Felicity, seeing as all three of them are currently in a mathletes meeting. And if it’s not any of them… well, honestly Caitlin wasn’t aware that Cisco had friends other than them.

“Laurel,” he replies, and she notices his cheeks reddening. Her eyebrows skyrocket and her jaw drops a little.

“As in Lance?” she can’t help but ask. He glares at her over his phone briefly, then goes back to texting.

“Yes, as in Lance. What other Laurel do we know?”

“We don’t actually know this Laurel. How did you even get her number?”

He shrugs, and she sees the corner of his mouth tick up, “She gave it to me.”

“Why?”

“Hey,” Cisco puts his phone down and sticks his finger out at her, “That’s mean. Why wouldn’t Laurel Lance give me her number?”

“Well, one, because she’s a cheerleader,” she says, ticking a finger off, “Two, because you’re the president and only member of the Harrison Wells fan club,” she ticks off another finger, “Three, see my first two points.”

His expression softens slightly, “Those are fair points.”

“Yeah, so why did she give you her number?”

He grins, “Because I asked her to prom and she said yes.”

“You – What?!”

“I don’t know, it just sort of happened! We got paired up to do that roller coaster thing in Physics and I just blurted out that I thought she was super cool and asked her to go with me.”

“And she said yes?!”

“Okay, this disbelief is kind of starting to hurt my feelings.”

“Sorry,” she says, wincing, “Um, congratulations, I guess?”

“There’s the response I was looking for,” he says, grinning. She smiles and reaches across the table to squeeze his hand. He squeezes back.

“I do have to say,” she says, pulling her hand away, “I’m a little disappointed.”

“What? Why?”

She shrugs, “I was kind of hoping we could go to prom. You know, as friends. We went to our grade eight graduation dance together, I was thinking we could keep up the tradition.”

“Wait. I was going to be your backup prom date?”

She raises both eyebrows, “I don’t have a first choice prom date.”

“Uh, yeah, you do. You were just eye-humping him like, ten minutes ago.”

Her face floods in embarrassment, “Ronnie’s a pipe dream,” she says, “You’re my best friend.”

“Don’t let Barry hear you say that.”

She rolls her eyes, “I’m serious Cisco.”

“Yeah, yeah, and you’re my bestie too. Quit the sap.” They share a smile, then Cisco continues, “I guess it’s a good thing I got a different date then, huh?”

“Why?”

“Well, first of all, because now I get to go to prom with a super-hot cheerleader. Secondly, now you get to ask Ronnie.”

She shakes her head immediately, “No way,” she says, “I already told you, I’m not the kind of girl he’ll take to prom. He’ll probably take, I don’t know, Andrea, or Colleen or…” she glances up and sees Barry, Felicity, and Linda heading their way. Right behind them is, “Iris,” she finishes, defeated.

It’s rare that Iris deigns them lowly nerds with her presence. Normally just the days after she, Barry, Felicity, and Linda have mathlete practice. She always stands out too much, Caitlin thinks, with her high pony and her miniature cheerleading outfit, white and gold announcing her status as one of Central City High’s finest. Compared to the rest of them, in their graphic tees, loose jeans, and worn out converse, she looks like a goddess.

Sometimes Caitlin wonders if that’s why she does it.

“Hey guys,” Barry greets, slipping into the chair next to Cisco. Linda takes the chair next to Barry’s, and Felicity and Iris both walk around the table and each take a chair next to Caitlin.

Iris shuffles her chair closer to the table, moving closer to Caitlin as she does. “So what are we talking about?” she asks, smile wide.

“Oh, not much,” Cisco says, obviously trying to keep his cool but barely managing to hold in his smile, “Only the fact that I’m going to prom with Laurel Lance.”

Their little table explodes into congratulations, Barry clapping Cisco on the back, Linda reaching over Barry to squeeze Cisco’s shoulder, and Felicity and Iris both leaning in and taking Cisco’s hands and giving them a congratulatory squeeze. Caitlin chuckles at the proud smile on Cisco’s face. She nudges his foot with hers and he looks her in the eye, his smile softening.

**

The rest of lunch is spent listening to Cisco tell everyone about how he asked Laurel to prom, as well as detailing basically every interaction he and Laurel have had since. Caitlin listens intently, though occasionally her eyes do stray across the cafeteria and back to Ronnie Raymond. He isn’t talking anymore, instead focusing his attention entirely on the cheerleader sitting across from him, who has the entire table under her spell. Caitlin wonders what she’s talking about. Maybe she’s telling them about her prom plans as well.

One of the times that she glances over she catches Ronnie mid-laugh. The rest of the table is laughing as well, but Ronnie stands out amongst them, his eyes bright, mouth spread wide with glee. She can’t help but let out a lovelorn sigh at the sight. She wonders what it would be like to make him laugh like that.

His eyes open and suddenly their eyes are meeting. Caitlin feels her eyes widen and her cheeks warm. Ronnie just keeps grinning, winks, and then turns his attention back to the cheerleader. Caitlin quickly looks away, heart hammering against her chest.

Holy shit.

The bell announcing the end of lunch rings, and they all begin to collect their trays. Caitlin feels like she can’t move, eyes stuck on the table in front of her, replaying that wink over and over again in her mind.

A soft hand comes to rest on her forearm and she looks up quickly. Iris is standing over her, brow furrowed. “Hey,” she says softly, “You okay?”

Caitlin nods quickly and stands up, slinging her backpack over her shoulders and grabbing her tray, “I’m fine,” she says, forcing a smile, “Just spaced out a little bit.”

“I hate when that happens,” Iris rolls her eyes and starts walking alongside Caitlin, as though this is something that happens every day. As if they’re friends or something. “Like, one second you’ve got a thought and then… poof,” she makes a hand gesture with her hands, then chuckles. Caitlin chuckles along awkwardly, glancing up to see the rest of her friends already at the cafeteria exit, too far for her to catch up.

“Yeah,” she replies, looking back at Iris, who has her lips pursed and is looking at the ground, “Well, I should-”

“You have Algebra next, right?” Iris asks, continuing to walk beside her.

“Um, yeah.”

“Cool, I’ll walk with you. I have this assignment for Mrs. Clark that’s a little overdue,” her hair flips over her shoulder as she turns to look ahead. Caitlin remembers practicing making her hair do that for hours the summer before she started high school. She was never able to make it look as effortless as Iris does. Still can’t.

“That weird essay on the importance of Algebra to modern day society?” Caitlin shakes her head as she thinks about it, “I don’t think I’ve ever had to bullshit so much in my life.”

“Oh my god, I totally agree,” Iris says, “It’s why I asked for an extension, honestly. The first two weeks after she assigned it I honestly had no idea what to even write about. Like, honestly, what good does it do anyone to replace numbers with letters?”

“What did you end up writing about?”

“Quantum mechanics, and how very important they are in our day to day lives,” she gives an exaggerated eye roll, “Honestly I don’t know what half of the words I used mean. I barely scraped the two thousand word limit.” She sighs, “What did you write yours on?”

“Intelligence and determination,” Caitlin rolls her eyes as well, “I basically went on for five pages about how learning algebra tests our patience and broadens our mental horizons. My thesis was that if you can learn algebra you can learn anything.”

“Nice,” Iris says, chuckling, “Wish I’d come up with something like that.”

“No you don’t. It’s honestly the worst paper I’ve ever written,” Caitlin had actually woken up three hours earlier than usual the day it was due and spent all three of those hours going over the paper, trying to find ways to improve it. In the end, it was impossible. She had literally done everything she could given the topic.

“As if any paper you write could ever be bad,” Iris says. Caitlin turns to give her a confused look. Iris gives her a tight smile, the relaxes her shoulders a bit and says, “Speaking of which, I was wondering if you wanted to pair up with me for that history paper we have to do in Mr. Nesbit’s class. The one on Napoleon.”

“Oh,” Caitlin didn’t think that Iris even realized they were in that class together, “Yeah, of course.” Saves her the trouble of finding another partner.

“Great!” Iris says, “I’ll get your number off Barry and we can find a time to meet up!”

“Right, yeah. Sounds good,” Caitlin says, beyond confused. First Iris compliments her academic work (or, at least she thinks she did), now she’s saying she wants to be partners in a class she hasn’t spoken to Caitlin in all year. What is with popular people actually acknowledging her existence today?

A shiver runs through her as she remembers the wink Ronnie sent her way.

“Anyway, here we are,” Iris says, extending a hand so that Caitlin can walk past her. Caitlin does so, hurrying into her seat at the front of the class. She hooks the straps of her backpack on the back of her chair and looks up to see Iris rummaging through her own backpack and pulling out a stack of papers which she hands to Mrs. Clark. Iris catches her staring and grins, waving a hand in her direction. Caitlin smiles back, waving back awkwardly.

She hears Ronnie’s voice before he enters the room, and she looks up just in time to see him enter, flanked by three of his friends from football. As soon as he walks in he zeroes in on Iris, gestures to his friends to watch, and sneaks up behind her. Once he’s close enough, he leans in and squeezes Iris’ waist tight. Caitlin jumps a little in her seat, knowing exactly how it feels to have that done to her.

Iris doesn’t jump though. Instead she simply kicks her foot up so that it connects with Ronnie’s leg. He sidesteps it easily, as though knowing what she was going to do. Iris thanks Mrs. Clark for giving her the extension, then turns so quickly that her hair hits Ronnie in the face. She grins and blows him a kiss as she walks by. Caitlin watches Ronnie watch her go, watches the way he laughs and shakes his head, his smile so fond it breaks her heart.

She wishes she could be like Iris. So calm and collected. So sure of who she is and where she stands in the world. She interacts with others so freely, so kindly, flitting between cliques as though social norms don’t exist.

Of course, when you’re Iris West, they don’t have to.

Caitlin sighs, eyes flicking over to Iris’ retreating back just in time to see a final swish of her skirt as she disappears. She then looks back at Ronnie, who is being teased by his friends.

He looks to the side and for the second time that day their eyes meet. Caitlin swallows thickly and forces herself to smile. Ronnie smiles back, nods his head in her direction, then goes back to joking around with his friends as they head for their seats at the back of the class.

It’s incredibly hard for her to pay attention for the rest of the day.

**

Iris texts her that night and they agree to meet up the next day after school. They have history last period, and Caitlin knows that Mr. Nesbit is going to spend the last fifteen minutes of class explaining the project in explicit detail. It’ll be fresh in their minds as they brainstorm ideas.

Caitlin spends the rest of the night texting Cisco about his tux for prom and attempting to work on some homework, while really just doodling Ronnie’s name and hearts all over her notebook.

**

Lunch the next day is spent, unsurprisingly, talking about prom. There’s only two weeks left after all, and everyone is a bundle of nerves about it.

Linda still hasn’t bought her dress, which she is quite stressed out about. Felicity hasn’t either, and neither has Caitlin for that matter, so Felicity suggests that the three of them go shopping on Saturday and try and seal the deal.

“I’ll come with,” Barry suggests, “I can wear my tux, that way we can see if Linda and I look good together.”

Felicity clucks her tongue and shakes her head, “No way,” she says, “You suck at shopping.”

“What? Shut up, I’m great at shopping.”

Caitlin shrugs, “You’re kind of a power shopper Barry,” she says, “If you come with us we’ll be in and out in fifteen minutes.”

“Isn’t that the point?”

Linda flicks his shoulder, “No, silly, the point is to spend time together. Besides, I want to surprise you with my dress. So, in conclusion, you will not be coming with us.”

“Give her your tie though,” Felicity says, “Oliver and Roy gave me theirs so that I can make sure I don’t clash with either.”

Everything gets a little tense for a couple of seconds, though Felicity doesn’t seem to notice. Caitlin glances at Cisco, who shrugs. She then glances at Barry, who is sharing a look with Linda.

The truth is that none of them really understand what is going on with Felicity, love life wise. They know she was dating this guy named Roy in Starling City for a while, and then suddenly she was dating a guy named Oliver, also from Starling City. They aren’t entirely sure if she ever broke up with Roy, though, and from what they can gather she seems to be attending her prom with Roy and their prom with Oliver.

Quite frankly, they’re all too afraid to ask, so they just awkwardly glance at each other every time she brings either boy up and then change the topic of conversation.

“So Caitlin,” Cisco says, sending her a forced smile, “How’s Operation Bucket List going?”

Caitlin glares at him, “Exactly the same as yesterday Cisco, thank you for asking.”

“Yeah, but you’ve made contact now,” he says, waggling his eyebrows. Caitlin knew she was going to regret telling Cisco about her two eye contact moments with Ronnie, “Clearly he isn’t totally grossed out by you, so all that’s left to do is go over there and talk to him.”

Caitlin looks over his shoulder to where the football players and cheerleaders are eating lunch. Ronnie is, as usual, sitting smack dab in the middle. He’s telling a joke, it seems, and everyone is paying rapt attention. Caitlin notices that Iris is watching Ronnie particularly hard, and she feels a twinge of jealousy deep in her gut. She wonders if there’s a way to casually ask Iris today whether or not she and Ronnie are a thing.

It wouldn’t be the first time Ronnie dated a cheerleader.

“I still think I’m gonna go with no,” she says.

“So who are you going to prom with?” Barry asks. Caitlin shrugs.

“I don’t know. You guys?”

Linda bites her bottom lip, “Um, but we’re all going with someone else. Won’t that be a bit… awkward? For you?”

“No, of course not,” Caitlin says, even though, yeah, it will be, “It’ll be just like when we hang out, except we’ll all be wearing fancy clothes.”

“And Laurel Lance will be there,” Cisco says, eyebrows doing that wiggly thing again. Caitlin rolls her eyes.

“We get it Cisco, you scored big,” she says, sticking her tongue out. Cisco shrugs.

“Hey, I am probably never going to even be near a girl as amazing as Laurel Lance for the rest of my life. I’m milking it for all it’s worth, baby!”

“Excuse me, you are near three very beautiful and intelligent and wonderful girls every single day,” Linda says. Cisco shrugs again.

“Yeah, but you guys aren’t Laurel Lance.”

Linda and Cisco begin to teasingly bicker, and Caitlin zones out, eyes going back to Ronnie. He’s talking to Iris now, whispering something in her ear. She laughs and smacks his shoulder in a playful manner. He then says something else and she gasps, and Caitlin could swear she hears the scandalized, “Ronnie!” she lets out. Ronnie just laughs and wraps his arms around his waist, pulling her into his lap. She tries to fight it for a little, though her laughter shows she isn’t really trying that hard. Eventually she gives up and slumps in his lap. He rests his chin on her shoulder and whispers something else to her. She pats his hand sympathetically and Caitlin can vaguely hear her saying, “What can you do?”

She doesn’t want to be envious of Iris. Honestly, it’s pointless to be envious of Iris. Iris is on a whole other level than Caitlin is, so any kind of envy is really just futile. Still, she can’t help but wish to be in her place. To be the one flirting so casually with Ronnie, to feel comfortable enough around the boy to do so. To be pulled onto his lap by his strong arms and have sweet nothings whispered in her ear…

Iris is her friend though. Or, sort of her friend. She’s Barry’s sister, kind of, which automatically makes her Caitlin’s friend. Either way, she doesn’t want to be feeling any of these ugly feelings. Still, as she continues to watch them, she can’t help but want to rip Ronnie’s arms off of her.

She sighs and goes back to picking at her lunch, trying to act like she’s been paying attention to whatever her friends have been saying.

**

The school library is quite full when she and Iris arrive at the end of the day, and Caitlin feels as though someone has punched her in the gut when she sees Ronnie and a bunch of football players and cheerleaders are there. Iris waves hello to them, but doesn’t otherwise make any indication of wanting to interact with them, instead heading for a spare table on the other side of the library.

They set up and instantly get to work. Caitlin spent the last ten minutes of class jotting down possible topics and how to make those topics works for the project, so she spends quite a bit of time just monologueing. Iris listens, smiling softly in that way of hers, that way that says ‘I know that I’m Iris West and I could be talking to anybody in the world, but right now I’m talking to you, and right now I care what you have to say’.

It’s funny how when Iris was smiling like that at Ronnie Caitlin wanted to rip her lips right off her face. Yet now, when that smile is directed at her, Caitlin can’t help but feel happy about it. Hey, even she isn’t immune to the Iris West charm.

Once she’s done her spiel, Iris starts in on one of her own. It seems that she’d been taking notes during class too, as she has as many fully fleshed out ideas as Caitlin does. She knows she shouldn’t be surprised – Iris didn’t get on the honor roll by being pretty and doing kickass cheerleading routines – but she kind of is. Normally when it comes to big pair projects like this, Caitlin is used to doing most of the work while her partner takes most of the credit. Honestly, it’s kind of refreshing

They agree to make a list of the top three ideas they like, and then choose out of those six. They fall into silence as they begin to jot down their ideas. Caitlin is trying to think of which idea to put as her third when Iris’ voice draws her out of her thoughts.

“So what are your plans for prom?”

Caitlin looks up, a frown forming on her face. Iris is still looking down at her paper, casually working away.

“Uh, I don’t really have any,” she says, straightening her shoulders. Her hair, pulled into its usual tight ponytail, falls off her shoulder and rests on her back. It feels weird against her neck.

“Oh?” Iris asks, glancing up briefly, “It’s like, two weeks away.”

“Yeah, I know,” Caitlin says, “I – Honestly I kind of assumed I was going with Cisco, but he’s going with Laurel, so. I guess I’m going stag.”

“Damn,” Iris says, finally actually looking up, chewing on her bottom lip and tapping her pencil against the table, “That blows.”

“It’s no big,” Caitlin says, shrugging casually. Or, what she thinks is casually at least, “I’m happy for Cisco, and honestly I don’t mind going alone.”

“Still. There must be someone you want to go with.”

Instantly Caitlin’s face heats up, and she can’t help but glance across the room to where Ronnie and his friends are sitting. “Uh, yeah,” she says, ducking her head in embarrassment, “But it’s not going to happen, so whatever.”

“Don’t say that,” Iris says, reaching forward and giving Caitlin’s hand a squeeze, “Anyone would be lucky to go to prom with you,” she gives her that smile again, “Come on, who is it? I swear I won’t tell.”

Caitlin looks over her face, and realizes that Iris, unknowingly, has just given her the exact opportunity she’s looking for, “I don’t know,” she says, “You know him pretty well, so it might be weird.”

Iris’ chuckles and waves a dismissive hand, “It won’t be weird, I swear.” Her voice sounds a little thin, though. She probably already knows that Caitlin likes her boyfriend and is getting ready to beat her up.

Caitlin swallows thickly, “It might,” she says, “Seeing as he’s your boyfriend.”

She closes her eyes tightly, waiting for Iris to bitch her out, but instead she’s met with silence. Carefully, she cracks an eye open, only to see Iris smiling, clearly amused.

“My boyfriend?” she asks, raising an eyebrow, “I think it’s a little hard to be crushing on him seeing as he doesn’t exist.”

“Really?” Caitlin can’t help but ask, “So you and Ronnie aren’t-”

“Aha!” Iris snaps her fingers together and pointing at her, “I knew it was Ronnie!”

“Yeah,” Caitlin says, glancing furtively to the other side of the room, “Yeah, it’s Ronnie, now would you quit pointing at me!”

“Sorry,” Iris says, hands going down to her lap, “Why did you think I was going out with Ronnie?”

“I don’t know. You guys are so comfortable together, I just assumed.”

Iris rolls her eyes, “Yeah, cause we’re next door neighbors.”

Caitlin’s eyes narrow, “What.” She’s going to kill Barry.

“We basically grew up together, that’s all. He’s like, my best friend. Honestly I would never date him. For several reasons,” she smirks at Caitlin as though they’re sharing an inside joke, “You know, he doesn’t have a date to prom yet either.”

“Oh?” Caitlin tries to sound casual.

“Mhmm,” Iris says, leaning back in her chair casually, “I could talk you up to him, you know, if you wanted me to.”

“No,” Caitlin says, shaking her head, “No, no, no way.”

“What? Why not? Don’t you like him?”

“Yeah, of course, but-”

“Alright, then I’m going to talk to him.”

“No, Iris!” she says, “Look, Ronnie and I… we aren’t exactly on the same level, if you know what I mean. If you tell him that Caitlin Snow has a crush on him he’ll probably ask ‘who?’.”

“Please, Ronnie knows who you are.”

Caitlin’s heart skips a beat, “He does?”

Iris clears her throat, and Caitlin could swear she sees small pink dots forming on her cheeks, “Uh, yeah. Cause of Barry, you know? Ronnie comes over all the time, and Barry hangs out with us sometimes. He talks about you, and Linda, and Felicity, and Cisco.”

Caitlin is so going to kill Barry, “Wow,” she says, “Um. Well, I still don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Come on, you’re a catch Caitlin!” Iris says, leaning forward and taking her hand. It’s incredibly soft, and Caitlin can’t help but stare down at it. She wonders how her hands feel to Iris. “You’re super smart, you’re really nice and funny, plus you’re super pretty!”

“Really?” Caitlin asks, wondering how this afternoon came to this. Only two hours ago Caitlin was dying of envy over Ronnie and Iris’ relationship, yet now she’s holding hands with Iris and being told that she’s more than good enough for Ronnie. It kind of bogles the mind.

“Yes, really. Please, let me do this for you?”

“But why?”

Iris shrugs, letting her hand go. Caitlin’s hand feels a little cold with its absence, “Because we’re friends,” Iris says, as though it’s incredibly obvious, “And I just want my friends to be happy.”

Caitlin nods, “Alright,” she says, bringing her own hands down to her lap and holding them together, as though it will recreate the feeling of Iris holding them, “Alright.”

**

It seems that once Iris West sets her mind to something she doesn’t let anything stop her from immediately achieving her goal. Caitlin hasn’t even been home an hour when she gets a text from Iris telling her that she has to come to Eddie Thawne’s pre-prom party on Saturday. Apparently it’ll be easier to set her and Ronnie up in a party situation.

Honestly, Caitlin’s first reaction to the text is hell no. Like most football guys, Eddie Thawne isn’t really in her social group, which means that most of the people invited to that party won’t be in her social group. Caitlin barely felt comfortable that time that Cisco brought over a bottle of tequila for them and Barry to share. She can’t imagine being at a party full of drunk people she barely knows, let alone feeling comfortable enough there to actually talk to Ronnie Raymond.

Still, it’s an opportunity unlike any she’s gotten throughout high school. An opportunity to actually interact with the guy she’s been crushing on for years. An opportunity to at least try and cross ‘Attend prom with Ronnie Raymond’ off her bucket list.

She texts Iris back saying that she’ll go, but she’s going to need a ride. She then texts Linda and Felicity asking if they’re okay with going dress shopping earlier in the day Saturday. Neither Linda nor Felicity seem to have any problem with it, nor do they question her reasons for wanting to go earlier. By the time that’s all sorted out she’s received a text from Iris saying that she can give her a ride.

Caitlin tosses and turns all night, wondering if she’s made the right choice. In the end, at around four in the morning, she decides that if she doesn’t attend this party she will regret it for the rest of her life. She is not about to let that happen.

**

Barry is waiting for her at her locker when she arrives at school the next day. This isn’t exactly unusual, since Barry’s locker is right next to hers, but what is unusual is that it’s just Barry. No Cisco, no Linda, no Felicity, and no Iris. Just Barry, leaning against his locker, thumbing through his phone and waiting for her to show up.

“Hey,” she greets, “Waiting for me?”

“Yeah,” Barry says, pocketing his phone and moving out of the way so she can gain access to her locker, “Iris told me you’re going to Eddie Thawne’s party with her on Saturday.”

Caitlin nods, “That’s true.”

Barry stares. “Um. Really?”

“Yeah. Why, do I not seem the party type?”

Barry gives her a once over, and Caitlin knows she’s blushing. She’s wearing a shirt that’s a couple of sizes too big, skinny jeans, and flip flops. That coupled with her hair pulled back into its usual messy ponytail doesn’t exactly scream party animal.

“No, but that’s not why I was confused.”

“Oh.”

“Um. I just didn’t realize you were… you know.”

Caitlin raises an eyebrow as she closes her locker, the textbook and binder she needs in her arms, “Friends with Iris?”

“If that’s what you want to call it,” he winces a little, “Obviously I don’t have a problem with it, I just. You know, you’ve been into Ronnie for so long that I didn’t think-”

“Well, that’s why I’m going actually.”

Barry pauses and his eyebrows raise, “Oh?”

“I sort of blabbed to Iris about my whole wanting to go to prom with Ronnie thing, and since they’re good friends she said she’d set me up,” she shrugs, “She’s going to do it at the party.”

“Well,” Barry clears his throat, “That’s… that’s nice of Iris.”

“I know,” Caitlin says, smiling up at him, “She said I was her friend and she just wanted me to be happy. Isn’t that sweet?” And to think just a day ago she was thinking of ripping Iris’ arms off just to get her away from Ronnie.

Barry narrows his eyes in suspicion, “Very sweet,” he says slowly, “Okay, well, good talk. I have to go… somewhere. See ya.”

“Wait, that’s it?” Caitlin asks, “You waited for me at my locker just to ask me if I was friends with Iris and going to a party with her?”

“Yeah,” Barry says, “Later.”

He books it, and Caitlin watches him go, more than a little confused.

“Hey,” someone says, and Caitlin turns towards the voice.

And promptly drops the items in her hands.

“Oh my god,” she whispers, kneeling down to pick everything up. Ronnie Raymond kneels down as well and grabs her textbook, holding it out to her with a smile. “Thanks,” she says, voice cracking. Her cheeks fill with color and honestly, if the ground could just swallow her right up that would be great.

“You’re Caitlin, right?” Ronnie asks, “You’re in my Algebra class.”

Caitlin nods, feeling her ponytail bounce behind her, “And you’re Ronnie. You’re in my Algebra class.” She shuts her eyes, and seriously, ground, any moment now.

“That I am,” Ronnie says, standing up and holding a hand out to help Caitlin up. Caitlin takes it, her stomach twisting in a knot. His hand is so much larger, so much coarser than hers. It practically envelops her hand. Iris’ hand had barely even covered hers.

She honestly has no clue why she’s thinking of Iris when Ronnie Raymond is literally holding her hand and talking to her for the first time in four years.

“Hey, you’re going to Eddie’s party on Saturday, right?” Caitlin nods again, vocal chords suddenly non-cooperative. It’s probably for the best. “Cool. I look forward to seeing you there.”

“I – You – Yeah,” she finally manages, “Too. Me. Me too. I’ll see you there. Since I’ll be there,” she wishes her vocal chords had stayed non-cooperative for a couple of seconds longer.

Ronnie chuckles, “Cool. See you there.”

“Yes you will,” she says, smiling a little too wide. At least this time she actually spoke in a proper sentence. Ronnie waves goodbye to her and Caitlin leans against the closest locker, watching him go and resisting the urge to sigh like a love sick twelve year old.

Damn. Iris really, really works fast.

**

She’s a little late to lunch, wanting to stay back after her English class to discuss why she only received a B+ on her recent paper instead of the A she knows she deserved. It’s a frustrating conversation that is ultimately useless since her teacher refuses to change her grade, but even that can’t kill her good mood. So far she’s had the absolute best week and even a B+ can’t bring her down.

When she gets to the cafeteria she’s surprised to see Iris sitting with her friends, leaning over the table to look at something Cisco is showing her on his phone. As if feeling her gaze, Iris turns, hair falling slightly over her eye. She flicks it out of the way and grins, waving her over. Caitlin heads over there, heart skipping a beat when she sees Iris’ backpack on the seat beside her.

It’s silly. She always sits at this table. This table with six seats. Nobody expects anybody other than her to sit in the only empty seat, but Iris still made sure to save it for her. She doesn’t know why that makes her so happy.

“Hey,” Iris greets, removing her backpack. Caitlin sits beside her, dropping her own backpack on the floor beside her chair.

“Hey,” she replies, “I owe you big time.”

“Oh yeah?” Iris asks, eyebrows raising to her hairline.

“Ronnie talked to me today,” Caitlin says, stomach fluttering at the memory, “Like, came to find me at my locker for the sole purpose of telling me he couldn’t wait to see me on Saturday.”

“Whoa,” Cisco says, and Caitlin is ashamed when she realizes she forgot the rest of her friends were there too, “So Operation Bucket List is going well then?”

“Better than it was before, that’s for sure,” Caitlin says. Iris puts her hand on Caitlin’s wrist, drawing her attention back. Her hand is as soft and warm as she remembers it being.

“Operation Bucket List?” she asks.

Caitlin shrugs, “That’s just what Cisco calls it,” she says, rolling her eyes, “I made this bucket list during freshman year about all the things I wanted to do while I was in high school.”

“And going to prom with Ronnie is one of them?”

Caitlin shrugs, a little embarrassed, “I know it’s silly. And probably creepy.”

“No,” Iris shakes her head and smiles, soft and sweet and just for Caitlin. “It’s cute.”

Caitlin feels herself blush, and Iris’ hand is still on her wrist. Barry clears his throat, and both of them look up at him. He’s looking down at where they’re touching and he looks incredibly uncomfortable. “Iris, can I talk to you for a minute?”

She shrugs and gets up to follow him a few feet away from the table. Caitlin watches them go, stomach clenching uncomfortably. For some reason she feels like they’re talking about her.

“Hey, Cait,” Cisco kicks her shin gently to get her attention. When she turns to look at him he’s holding his phone in front of her face, “Check out my tux for prom.”

She gives it a brief glance, then turns back to where Iris and Barry are talking. “It’s awesome Cisco.”

Barry keeps glancing in the direction of their table, whispering something almost furiously to Iris, who looks like she’s about ready to punch Barry in the nose. She whispers something back, her hands clenched at her side. It’s bizarre, seeing a cheerleader angry. Caitlin doesn’t think she’s ever seen Iris look anything more than slightly miffed.

“You didn’t even look,” Cisco says. Caitlin rolls her eyes and actually looks at the picture this time. It’s a drawing of a dinosaur riding a skateboard.

“Sorry Cisco,” she says, “I’ve just got a lot on my mind lately.”

“I get it,” he swipes his thumb across the screen, and this time a picture of him in a tux shows up, “This is actually my tux. Thoughts?”

He looks good, she has to admit, “I’m bummed I’m not spending the night on your arm, that’s for sure.”

Cisco grins, “Damn right.”

Caitlin chuckles, but finds her eyes straying back to where Iris and Barry are still arguing. Iris is poking his chest with a finger, and Barry looks mildly terrified. Caitlin wonders what it is they’re fighting about. Maybe something happened at home?

No, it can’t be. Barry glances to where Caitlin is sitting, and that just confirms her suspicion: it’s about her. She slumps a bit in her seat. Barry and Iris never fight. She hates being the reason for it.

Iris throws her arms in the air, screams, “Just forget it!” and storms off. Barry looks like he wants to follow her, but then thinks better of it and heads back to the table, sitting back in his seat beside Linda.

She puts a hand on his arm, “You okay babe?”

He shakes his head, but doesn’t reply. Caitlin watches as Iris pushes her way through the crowd of students and out of the cafeteria. Not giving herself time to think, Caitlin stands up to follow her.

Once she’s out of the cafeteria it isn’t hard to find Iris. She’s entering the girls’ bathroom, high pony swinging behind her and skirt swishing. Caitlin hurries after her, pushing the bathroom door open and sprinting into the bathroom. She’s out of breath, something she pointedly ignores, instead cautiously walking toward the only closed stall door in the room.

She knocks against the stall, “Iris?”

There’s a sniffle, “Caitlin?” Iris sounds disbelieving, as though she can’t imagine why Caitlin would be standing outside the stall door.

“Hey,” she says, resting her shoulder against the stall door, “Are you – god, of course you aren’t okay, that’s a stupid question.”

She hears a small chuckle behind the door. “I’ve never heard you ask a stupid question before.”

“First time for everything, right?” she tries to sound teasing, but knows it falls short, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Another sniffle, “Not really,” Iris’ voice is quiet. Caitlin bites down on her bottom lip, feeling entirely out of her depth. She has no idea how to deal with a crying Iris West. Honestly, she doesn’t know how to deal with anyone crying. The one time Cisco called her in tears over something that happened with his brother she had simply sat on the other end of the line, listening, and trying to figure out what the hell to do.

“If it’s any consolation, Barry’s an asshole.”

She hears the lock open and she steps away just as the door swings open. Iris’ eyes are red and puffy and, god, of course she’s a pretty crier. Why the hell not?

“You don’t even know what happened,” Iris says, wiping at her eyes with the heel of her hand, “How do you know I’m not the asshole?”

“Because you’re crying in here,” she says, “Barry looked disgruntled at best,” she shrugs, “Kind of a tell as to who the asshole is.”

Iris looks down at the ground and wipes her eyes again, “God, this is so embarrassing.”

“Hey, what?” she shakes her head, “It’s just me here. You could literally do nothing embarrassing in front of me.”

Iris snorts and shakes her head. Caitlin turns around and gets some paper towel and wetting it in the sink. “Here,” she says, stepping into Iris’ space and wiping her slightly smudged mascara with the paper towel.

Iris stares into her eyes, mouth open slightly. Caitlin feels her heart speed up in her ribcage, and she swallows thickly, hand going slack around the wet paper towel.

“Um,” Iris clears her throat and takes a step back, “Thanks.”

Caitlin smiles, something in her clenching in disappointment, though she can’t figure out what she’s disappointed by, “What are friends for, right?” she asks. Iris presses her lips together and continues looking at the ground.

“Exactly,” she says quietly.

“Hey, Iris,” Caitlin says gently, putting a hand on her shoulder, “You look like you could use a hug. I’m going to give you one, okay?”

“Oh,” is all Iris gets out before Caitlin has stepped in and hugged her tight. Iris is slightly shorter than her, and definitely smaller overall. She practically engulfs her body with hers. Caitlin has never before seen herself as ‘big’ until this moment.

She kind of likes it.

Iris pulls away from the hug first, wiping at her eyes yet again. “Thanks,” she says, “You’re… you’re really great Caitlin.”

“Now I know you’re just saying that,” Caitlin says, smiling teasingly. Iris chuckles and shakes her head.

“No, I mean it,” she says, face entirely too serious, “You’re incredible. I need you to know that.”

Caitlin feels herself flush and she looks away, biting down on her lower lip to stop from smiling too wide. “It means a lot, coming from someone as incredible as you.”

“Aw, now you’re just saying that,” Iris says, hitting her shoulder gently. Caitlin laughs, Iris’ eyes blazing into hers. Her stomach clenches and without thinking she takes a step forward. Iris smells like vanilla and Caitlin wants to bury herself in the scent.

The bell rings and Caitlin steps back quickly, eyes wide and shocked. She doesn’t think she’s ever thought that way about anyone. “I, uh,” she clears her throat, “I should get my stuff. Head to class.”

“Right,” Iris says, “Thanks for, you know. Yeah.”

“Of course,” Caitlin assures. She goes to pat Iris on the shoulder, but stops herself, “Okay. I’ll… I’ll see you Saturday?”

Iris nods, Caitlin nods back, and then she rushes out of the restroom, heart and head pounding.

**

Saturday comes far too soon. Caitlin hits her snooze button until noon, at which point her mom peeks in to see if she’s doing okay. Caitlin doesn’t blame her. She doesn’t think she’s slept in this much since she had the swine flu in the eighth grade.

She only has an hour before she has to meet Linda and Felicity at the mall, which means she doesn’t really have time for a shower. Instead she pulls her un-brushed hair up into a ponytail, slips on her loosest pair of jeans and a far too baggy shirt, then heads downstairs and spends twenty minutes staring at a mug of coffee.

Her mom tries to talk to her about what’s wrong, but Caitlin doesn’t engage with her. Mostly because she isn’t exactly sure what’s wrong herself. Honestly, she should be feeling amazing, all things considered. She’s going to a party where Ronnie is looking forward to seeing her. There’s a high possibility that she will be attending prom with Ronnie. She’s connected with someone she’s always felt jealousy and a little bit of disdain for, someone she know considers a friend. Things are going good for her.

She tries to remind herself of that as she stares out the window of the car on the way to the mall. Her mom talks the entire way there, but Caitlin doesn’t respond, too lost in her thoughts.

Felicity and Linda are waiting for her at the Starbucks in the mall, and as soon as she arrives they get to it. The first couple of stores they hit are busts, mostly because Felicity keeps insisting they can find dresses that are just as good while also being fifty dollars cheaper.

Caitlin tries on exactly four dresses in the first two hours of their trip. She spends the rest of the time pretending to look through the racks, trying to pay attention to Linda and Felicity’s conversation but failing spectacularly.

“Okay,” Felicity finally says as they enter the fifth store, “This is ridiculous. I feel like I’m shopping with a robot and a zombie.”

Caitlin frowns through her haze, and Linda looks up from where she’d been tapping away on her phone, “What?” Caitlin asks. Felicity groans.

“That! Linda, you haven’t looked away from your phone in like, half an hour, and Caitlin. I don’t even know what your deal is, you’ve just been wandering around with your head in the clouds. What’s your deal?”

Caitlin shrugs, but Linda speaks up, “Sorry, it’s just. Barry and Iris are still fighting, and Barry’s been texting me about how she’s being ridiculous, that she’s totally overreacting, all that jazz. I’m trying to politely inform him that I am 100% on Iris’ side and that he needs to butt out of business that isn’t his.”

Felicity shakes her head, “That boy is such a mess. Honestly Linda, I don’t know how you put up with him. Or how Iris puts up with him, to be honest with you.”

“He’s fine when he isn’t, you know, throwing around his opinion on matters that don’t really concern him. Plus, he’s treating Iris like she’s some kind of predator, which is just ridiculous. Like, do you see Iris as predatory in any way?”

“Is that what they’re fighting about?” Felicity asks, “Again?”

Linda nods, “Frankly, I think Barry has some issues he needs to resolve, issues that have nothing to do with Iris. I keep telling him that, but he keeps saying that no, it’s not because of Iris, it’s just because of-”

Felicity makes a loud, garbled sound and widens her eyes significantly. Linda blushes and says, quieter this time, “It’s not because of Iris is the point.”

Caitlin glances between them, biting her lip to stop herself from speaking. If anything it is only clearer to her today than it was in the cafeteria a couple of days ago that the fight between Barry and Iris is because of her. She just can’t figure out why.

“I hope they make up,” Caitlin says, feigning innocence. “You know, with prom coming up and all.”

“So do I,” Linda says, “But, um. Anyway, we should get back to why we’re here. Come on Caitlin, you’ve barely tried on a single dress!”

Caitlin shrugs, picking at the tag on a nearby dress, “I guess I’m not really feeling it as much as I thought. Sorry.”

“Because of the party?” Felicity asks, “You know, I was partnered up with Ronnie for a science lab back in the ninth grade. He’s actually a really cool guy. You have nothing to be worried about.”

Caitlin looks up at her, brow furrowed in momentary confusion. She looks away just as quickly and says, “Yeah, Ronnie. I guess I just want to wait to know if something will happen at the party tonight. I know there’s only like, a two percent chance he’ll ask me to prom, but,” she shrugs, trying to look and sound convincing. The truth is she hasn’t thought about the party or Ronnie all day.

“Okay, first of all,” Linda places her hands on Caitlin’s shoulders so that Caitlin will look away from the tag and at her, “Ronnie would be an idiot not to ask you to prom. If it turns out he is an idiot, well, you don’t want to go to prom with an idiot anyway.” Caitlin smiles at her friend’s reassurance, unnecessary as it may be, “Secondly, it’s the guy’s job to coordinate with the girls dress, not the other way around. Last time I checked a dress costs more than a tie.”

“Yeah, alright,” she says, rolling her eyes, “I’ll get more into it.”

Linda cheers and Felicity tugs them further into the store. Soon enough Linda and Felicity have filled Caitlin’s arms with dresses they think she needs to try on. She fakes enthusiasm as best as she can, but it’s hard when all she can think about is Iris and Barry still fighting, obviously because of her.

She gives Linda and Felicity a bit of a fashion show, but none of the dresses seem to stand out to them. She can’t even tell the difference between all the dresses she’s tried on, so she puts them all back and thanks her friends for the effort.

“Okay,” Linda says, linking their arms together as they make their way to yet another store, “I know for a fact that there are good dresses in this store because this is where Iris got her dress and it’s gorgeous,” she leads them to a slightly more upscale store, the back wall of which Caitlin can see is entirely filled with dresses. Felicity hurries to the back of the store and Linda and Caitlin trail behind her.

Caitlin wonders if Iris has a date to the prom. She’d been so caught up in the possibility of going to prom with Ronnie, and then in worrying about Iris and Barry that she’d never even considered it.

Iris is one of the most popular girls in school, so of course she has a date. She’s a cheerleader, so probably a jock. Eddie Thawne, perhaps? She obviously had enough authority to invite Caitlin to his party… They would make a good pair, Caitlin thinks. Eddie with his golden-boy looks, and Iris with her golden-girl everything. A match made in popularity heaven.

She thinks of Iris walking into prom on Eddie’s arm and her stomach clenches uncomfortably.

“You have to try this on,” Felicity says, forcing her out of her thoughts and pushing a lilac dress into her arms. Caitlin takes the dress and heads to the change room, trying to force herself to pay attention this time.

She puts the dress on and heads back out, calling Linda and Felicity over. They both fawn over her, telling her that this is the one, she looks so good, it fits her perfectly, and she looks like a princess. Caitlin looks down at herself and then turns to look in a mirror. It does look good, she has to admit. A bit shorter than she normally feels comfortable wearing, and with a lower neckline as well, but it’s for prom. She figures if she’s going to step out of the box for one night…

Her eye catches on something in the corner of the mirror, and she turns around to look at the dress head on. In front of a rack of replicas sits a beautiful pastel pink dress, short as well, a sash around the waist with a flower made of the same color fabric on one side. It’s gorgeous, and she knows she should be picturing herself wearing it, but she isn’t. All she can see is Iris, the dress framing her slim body to perfection, hair curled and falling down her chest, walking into prom with a smile on her face, Eddie Thawne on her arm…

Except, that isn’t Eddie Thawne. It’s her. Caitlin, wearing the lilac dress she is right now, arms linked with Iris’, walking into prom and greeting their friends, being told how beautiful they look, individually and together.

It’s such a powerful image, and Caitlin has no idea where it comes from. She just keeps staring at the dress, heart beating a million miles a minute in her chest.

“Uh-uh,” Linda says, putting a hand on her shoulder and shocking her back to the moment, “No way. That’s the dress Iris bought, you can’t get it too. She’ll just wear it way better and it’ll just end badly for you.”

Caitlin swallows thickly and nods. “You’re right,” she says, pulling her eyes away from the dress. Iris’ dress, “I could never pull it off anyway. I think I’m going to get this one.”

“I’m so glad! It looks so good on you!” Felicity coos, clapping her hands together and bouncing on the balls of her feet. Caitlin smiles in thanks, then goes back into the change room to change back into her own clothes.

Linda ends up finding a dress in the store too, and it almost completely takes it out of Caitlin to focus enough to tell her that the dress looks good. All she can think of is Iris in that beautiful pink dress and that brief image in her mind of attending prom with Iris.

She and Iris aren’t even that close of friends, so she has no idea why her subconscious is insinuating that they would attend together. Besides, Iris is probably going with Eddie Thawne, and Caitlin wants to go with Ronnie. That’s why she’s going to the party tonight, right? So she can go to prom with Ronnie. So she can fulfill her ultimate high school bucket list want.

Caitlin and Linda buy their dresses and they keep looking for one for Felicity.

**

Caitlin feels utterly ridiculous sitting on the steps of her porch wearing her shortest skirt and a tank top with a fitted sweater over top. The tank top and sweater are her mom’s. Honestly, if it were up to her, she would have drawn the line at the skirt and paired with a baggy hoodie, but her mom insisted. “It’s your first high school party Caitlin!” she’d said, “You want to look your best, don’t you?”

The fact that her first high school party is happening a month before graduation says a lot about her, she thinks.

A car pulls into her driveway and Caitlin hurries over before Iris can come out. The last thing she wants is her mom catching sight of someone like Iris West picking up Caitlin for a party. She’d never hear the end of it.

“Hey,” Iris says when Caitlin opens the door and climbs in the passenger seat, “You look great!”

“Thanks,” Caitlin says, looking over at her with a blush, “You look amazing too.”

She does, though that isn’t really a surprise. She’s paired a loose floral top with a pair of blue skinny jeans. Casual, but still dressed up. Caitlin can’t seem to stop staring. She looks incredible.

“Are you excited for tonight?” Iris asks.

“I don’t know,” Caitlin says, still unable to take her eyes off Iris.

“You should be,” Iris says, pulling out of her driveway, “I talked to Ronnie yesterday and he said he’s super pumped that you’re coming. I hinted that you don’t have a date to prom yet, so…” she shrugs, grinning at Caitlin.

“Right,” she says, “Yeah, that’s great.”

Iris glances at her briefly before setting her eyes back on the road, “You don’t sound that excited about it. I thought this was your big Operation Bucket List.”

“God, I wish Cisco would stop calling it that,” she rolls her eyes and settles a little bit into the car seat, “And I am excited. I guess I’m just nervous. I’ve only really talked to Ronnie like, twice.”

“Don’t be nervous,” Iris chides, “He’s a total goofball. For real, within five minutes of conversation you’ll be wondering why you ever worried about talking to him. I promise.”

“Easy for you to say,” Caitlin says quietly.

Iris frowns, “What do you mean?”

Caitlin shakes her head, “Nothing, I’m sorry.”

“No, come on. You obviously meant something by that.”

Caitlin sighs, “It’s just,” she takes a deep breath, trying to find the words, “You’re – you’re incredible, you know? Like, you’re super beautiful, and so nice and friendly, and just overall likeable. I’m just… I’m just Caitlin. It’s easy for someone like you to talk to someone like Ronnie. For me? Not so much.”

Iris doesn’t say anything for a long time, which makes Caitlin worry that she’s offended her. She wants to clarify that she isn’t trying to be malicious or catty, she’s just stating facts, but the words don’t come to her. Instead she just waits for Iris to find her own words.

“I don’t think you give yourself enough credit,” she says eventually. Caitlin glances at her and finds her staring straight ahead, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. She waits for her to say more, but Iris doesn’t seem to want to elaborate.

Caitlin looks down at her own lap, her thumb picking at her painted fingernails. Her mom is going to be so upset she’s already ruined her manicure. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” she says quietly, “I don’t want you to think-”

“You said that I’m beautiful, nice, friendly, and likeable. How could I possibly take that in a bad way?”

Caitlin shrugs, still not looking away from her hands, “I just don’t want you to think I’m jealous of you, or that I resent you for being all those things. I was jealous, at one point, and I did resent you, but.” She takes a deep breath, “But then I actually got to know you and realized how ridiculous I was being.”

“You have nothing to be jealous of,” Iris says, and her hand enters Caitlin’s line of sight. Her nails are painted as well, a deep red that contrast sharply with the light beige of Caitlin’s. Iris takes her hand and, without thinking, Caitlin laces their fingers together.

It feels nice. Iris hands are as soft as ever, and Caitlin doesn’t ever want to let her hand go.

“I know,” she replies.

“Good,” Iris says, and she squeezes Caitlin’s hand, “I don’t like it when you talk down on yourself like that. As if being ‘just Caitlin’ is a bad thing,” Caitlin looks up and sees Iris smiling at her, “Because ‘just Caitlin’ is awesome in my opinion.”

Caitlin blushes and her eyes go back down to their hands. They fit together nicely. “Iris is kind of cool too,” Caitlin says to their hands.

“Only kind of?” Iris teases. Caitlin chuckles and gives her a shy smile.

“Maybe a bit more than kind of,” she says.

“Damn right,” Iris says, grinning.  

They hold hands the rest of the way to the party, and Caitlin can’t seem to think of anything other than how absolutely right it feels to hold hands with Iris. For a brief moment she wonders at the repercussions of those thoughts, but decides to ignore them instead. She would rather focus on how nice holding Iris’ hand feels and not why it feels so nice. That’s not something she’s ready to deal with.

They arrive at Eddie’s house and Iris takes her hand out of Caitlin’s. Caitlin flexes her fingers in an attempt to get it back.

“You ready?” Iris asks.

Caitlin looks up, “Ready for what?”

“To talk to Ronnie,” Iris says, frowning, “You know, so he’ll ask you to prom? Or so you build up the courage to ask him.”

“Right,” Caitlin nods, “Yes, of course, Ronnie. Yeah, I’m ready.”

They get out of the car, and Caitlin sends her thoughts right back to Iris’ hand. She isn’t ready to deal with how little she cares about going to prom with Ronnie either.

**

The party is in full gear when they arrive. Caitlin doesn’t recognize half the people in the room. The music is so loud she’s worried her eardrums might burst. Every single person has a red solo cup in their hand.

She has never felt so out of place in her life.

“Hey, you made it!” Ronnie is coming up to them, and Caitlin tries to smile. Her hands don’t sweat, her heart doesn’t skip a beat, and she is still thinking in full sentences. At what point over the past week did those things stop?

Ronnie greets Iris with a kiss on the cheek and – oh. There it is. Her heart rate speeds up and her hands clench at her sides. Guess she was lying about not being jealous of Iris after all.

“Caitlin!” Ronnie greets her, grinning, “I’m so glad you came. Come on, I’ll get you guys drinks.”

“None for me,” Iris says, shaking her head, “Gotta make sure I get this one home in one piece.”

Her arm goes around Caitlin, and Caitlin can feel the warmth of her skin through her jacket. Ronnie looks at the arm for a little bit too long. Caitlin wants to shrug Iris’ arm off, but at the same time she really, really doesn’t.

“Of course,” Ronnie nods, giving Caitlin a smile that only a week ago would have made her weak in the knees.

She doesn’t understand why this is happening. She’s been crushing on Ronnie for four freaking years. Why is she suddenly indifferent to him exactly when she actually has a chance with him?

Ronnie goes off to get her a drink and Iris drops her arm. Caitlin takes a step closer to her without really thinking, searching for the lost warmth.

“Is this what most parties are like?” Caitlin asks, raising her voice to be heard over the crowd.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Loud. Everybody drunk.”

Iris shrugs, “I don’t actually know; I’m not much for parties.”

Caitlin turns to her, eyes wide, “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, they’ve never really been my thing.”

“Oh,” she frowns, “Then why’d you invite me to this one with you?”

Iris shrugs again, smiling sheepishly, “You wanted a chance to talk to Ronnie.”

Caitlin doesn’t get the chance to reply as Ronnie returns at that moment. He’s carrying two cups, both filled with some unknown concoction. He hands one of the cups to Caitlin and keeps the second for himself.

“What is this?” Caitlin asks, giving it a hesitant sniff. It smells like alcohol and death.

“Jungle juice!” Ronnie says, “It’s just a big mix of everything Eddie’s parents have.”

Caitlin frowns, “So the alcohol content in this is…”

“High,” Iris supplies. She puts a hand on Caitlin’s elbow and leans in close to say, “You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want to.”

“Yeah, totally,” Ronnie agrees, “I’ll take yours if you don’t want it,” he takes a long drink of his own. Caitlin scrunches up her nose, but decides she might as well. In for a penny, right?

She takes a drink and almost shouts at the burn. It feels like something is tearing up her throat.

Ronnie cheers and Iris laughs. Caitlin takes another drink. It burns just as much and she wonders how many of these she’s going to have to drink before it stops burning.

“Come on,” Ronnie says, grabbing her hand. His hand is too big, she thinks. It’s rough and completely envelops hers. Exactly the same as it had been earlier this week, except this time, she doesn’t like it. “I feel like dancing.”

She allows him to pull her into the fray of teenagers. She finishes off her drink, somehow managing not to throw up in the process, and drops her empty cup… somewhere, she isn’t exactly sure.

Soon enough Ronnie has his hands on her waist and she’s awkwardly trying to keep up with him. He laughs and helps her out, moving his arms so that her waist sways with the rhythm of the music.

“You’re a great dancer,” he says.

“I’m really not,” she replies, and he laughs.

“You just have to loosen up. I’ll get you another drink.”

“Okay,” she nods, already feeling a little buzzed from the first one. He leaves her alone in the crowd and she instantly starts looking around for Iris. She knows the whole point of tonight was to get to know Ronnie better, to get him to ask her to prom, but she still feels bad about abandoning Iris so quickly.

Ronnie is back before she can spot Iris and he hands her the drink. It takes her less time to drink this one, and by the time she’s finishing up she can barely feel the burn as the alcohol goes down her throat.

“Whoa, slow down tiger,” Ronnie teases.

Caitlin shrugs and puts her arms around Ronnie’s neck, “Teach me to dance,” she says, feeling a lot looser.

“It’s easy,” he says, hands going back to her waist.

They sway together, Ronnie whispering instructions to her every now and then. Caitlin tries to get into it as much as she can, but her mind keeps wandering back to Iris who is god knows where. Alone maybe. At a party she didn’t even want to go to.

She doesn’t know how long she and Ronnie have been dancing before she can’t take it anymore. She pushes away from Ronnie and says, “I’m going to get another drink, okay?”

“I can get it for you,” Ronnie says, but she shakes her head.

“No, you stay here. I’ll find you.”

He nods, though he looks confused. She smiles and, impulsively, leans up to kiss him on the cheek. She pats the same cheek and then heads off in the direction of the drink table. She hopes she’ll have a better vantage point from there.

She can’t find Iris, but since she’s already there she decides to pour herself another cup of jungle juice. She downs it in one quick gulp and her brain buzzes, the other two starting to seriously catch up with her. She feels uninhibited and free and she really wants to find Iris.

Finally she catches sight of her. She’s standing in a corner by herself, holding a can of Coke and watching the crowd, smiling and shaking her head every now and then. Caitlin heads in her direction, struggling a little to get through all the people in the room.

“Caitlin!” Iris says moments before Caitlin reaches her, “Hey, what are you doing, I thought you were with Ronnie.”

“I felt bad,” Caitlin says, leaning close to Iris and taking her free hand, “You don’t wanna be here and I ditched you. I’m sorry.”

“That’s kind of the point,” Iris laughs, but still tangles their fingers together, “You’re here for Ronnie, remember?”

Caitlin hums, “Not really,” she admits, “I keep forgetting about Ronnie, actually.”

Iris’ eyes widen, “What?”

Caitlin sighs, “Your hands are so nice, Iris,” she says, holding up their linked hands, “They fit so nice with mine.”

She drops her empty cup on the floor and takes Iris’ Coke can and puts it on the floor as well. She links their now free hands and leans in closer, “I really like holding hands with you,” she whispers, face incredibly close to Iris’.

Iris swallows thickly. She can see it in the movement of her throat, “I like holding hands with you too,” she whispers.

Caitlin can’t find the words to respond. Her head is spinning and Iris is so, so close. She smells like raspberries and vanilla and happiness. Ronnie just smelt like Axe, and his hands were too big and too rough. Iris’ are perfect.

She leans in even closer, and Iris does as well, and before she knows what’s happening they’re kissing. She doesn’t know who started it, but it feels better than anything in the world. Iris’ lips are as soft as her hands and they fit against Caitlin’s just as perfectly. Everything about Iris fits so well with Caitlin.

Iris squeezes their hands together and Caitlin sighs into the kiss, dipping her tongue out to meet Iris’ briefly. It’s so nice. This is so nice. She never wants to stop kissing Iris, ever.

Somebody wolf whistles and Caitlin is brought back to the real world. The real world where she isn’t supposed to want to kiss Iris. She’s supposed to want to kiss Ronnie. She separates their lips and untangles their fingers and takes a step back. Iris’ eyes are wide, her lips still parted, and nothing, absolutely nothing, makes sense.

“I-” Caitlin doesn’t know what to say. She just kissed Iris West and it was everything it wasn’t supposed to be. Everything is wrong and everything is right and she doesn’t know what to say.

“Wow,” Iris says, “Cait-”

“I have to go,” Caitlin blurts. She takes off, running into the crowd, head spinning. Everybody she sees is a stranger and everyone is too close and Iris is everywhere. She’s in her mind, on her lips, under her skin. It’s wrong, wrong, wrong, it isn’t how it was supposed to be. This isn’t how it was supposed to go.

She runs into someone, and that someone puts their hands on her shoulders. Their large, rough hands. She looks up and sees Ronnie staring at her, eyebrows furrowed.

“Hey, you okay?” he asks. He looks concerned and she doesn’t know why. He doesn’t even know her. He shouldn’t care. She doesn’t care about him, so why should he care about her?

It’s all wrong.

“Do you want to go to prom with me?” she blurts.

Ronnie’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Really?” he asks, then grins, “Yeah, of course. I’d love to go to prom with you.”

“Great,” she nods, “That’s great. I have to leave now.”

“Wait, what?” she starts to leave, but he stops her, “You just got here. Hang around for a bit. We’ll dance some more.”

She shakes her head, “No, I have to leave immediately. Right now.”

He still looks confused, “Okay,” he stretches it out, “Let’s go find Iris. I’m sure she’ll be ready to go too. She doesn’t really like these things,” he tells her like that’s not something she should know. She wants to tell him that she does know, wants him to know that she knows Iris too, he isn’t the only one.

The jealousy from earlier is back, but this time it makes her sick because she understands it. She understands it and it scares the shit out of her.

“No,” she says, “No, no Iris. I’m going to call Cisco. Don’t – I have to go.”

“Wait, Caitlin-”

She shakes her head, shakes him off, and somehow manages to escape the large crowd and get to the porch.

She calls Cisco since he lives closes, and within ten minutes his car is stopping in front of Eddie’s house. Neither Ronnie nor Iris have come outside to look for her or talk to her.

“Caitlin,” Cisco calls from the car and waves her over. She gets up off the porch and stumbles to the car, slumping into the passenger seat. He starts driving away immediately. She loves how well he knows her.

They’re quite the entire ride back to Caitlin’s house. It’s only when they’re parked in her drive way that Cisco turns to her and asks, “What happened Cait?”

She sighs, pulls her legs up to her chest and buries her face in her knees, “Nothing makes sense,” she whispers.

“Is this about Ronnie? Was he a jerk?”

She shakes her head. Her forehead rubs against her bare legs. Iris thought she looked so good tonight. Iris looked so good too. Caitlin couldn’t keep her eyes off her.

“Ronnie was great,” she says, “We’re going to prom together.”

Cisco pats her shoulder, “That’s awesome!”

“No,” she says, “It’s wrong. It’s all wrong, everything is wrong. Iris messed everything up.”

“Wait, Iris? I thought she was helping you out with Ronnie.”

“She was,” Caitlin groans, “She messed it all up, she messed me up.”

“Did she try and get with Ronnie or something? Was this some weird Cruel Intentions thing? Or was it more Mean Girls?”

“No,” she shakes her head again, “No, no, no.”

“Caitlin, you can talk to me,” he says, and she know she’s leaning in closer, “What happened with Iris?”

“Everything,” she says, then groans, “It isn’t how it’s supposed to be, Cisco. It’s all wrong.”

“Caitlin, you have to help me out here. What exactly happened tonight?”

She lifts her head and looks him right in the eye. She grabs her purse and says, “Thanks for the ride home Cisco. I really appreciate it.”

“Wait, Caitlin, we aren’t done talking.”

“Later,” she promises. She gets out of the car before he can complain and heads into her house.

Her mom is still up. Unsurprising, as she couldn’t have been gone for more than an hour.

“Caitlin?” she asks, “Why are you back so early?”

Caitlin just shakes her head and goes upstairs. She thanks the stars that her mother doesn’t follow her.

She manages to get out of her clothes (well, her mother’s clothes really) and into her pajamas before falling into bed.

She checks her phone and finds a text from an unknown number. It’s Ronnie. Apparently he got her number off Iris. He wants to know if she made it home okay. He’s bummed they didn’t get to hang out more, but he can’t wait to go to prom with her.

She tells him she got home okay and turns her phone off. She buries her face in her pillow and forces herself not to cry.

She hates that Ronnie texted her and Iris didn’t, and she hates that she hates it.

Why is everything so wrong?

**

Caitlin stays in bed all day Sunday. Her mom tries to pry her out with the promise of McDonalds, but even that doesn’t make her want to get up.

She can’t stop thinking about the party. She wants to stop thinking about, wishes it were as easy not to think about it before the previous day. It was so easy to just shut off any train of thought that didn’t fit, easy to write it off as just having spent too much time with Iris, or worrying about the fight she had with Barry.

Now? Not so much.

She doesn’t understand anything. Never in her life has she even felt the most remote attraction to any woman. She tosses and turns all day trying to find any point in her life that may have given any hint that this would happen to her but… no. There’s none. She’s always liked guys. She’s always liked Ronnie.

Why now? Why right at the end of her high school career? Why couldn’t this happen to her during her first week of university, when everything else was already new as well? Why did this have to creep up on her and mess everything up? She’d almost made it through high school completely unscathed. Why, why, why?

Cisco texts her a bunch of times, but she doesn’t read or answer any of them. She knows he’s worried, and she appreciates his concern, but she’d really rather wallow in self-pity right now.

Ronnie texts her a couple of times as well, and she responds to those, albeit monosyllabically. What color dress are you wearing? Lilac. Do you think it would be cliché if I wore a lilac tie? No. Okay. I will text you a picture later. Okay.

Barry texts her as well. He wants to know what she did to Iris. She doesn’t text back, but if she did it would be to ask why he assumes she did something. Why not Iris? It’s unfair, of course, because it was her. She did this, not Iris. She got all messed up in the head, she got her feelings all muddled, and she kissed Iris, not the other way around. It isn’t Iris’ fault, but Caitlin wants it to be so badly.

She thinks that Felicity texts her asking about the party, but it’s later in the day and Caitlin barely glances at the text before locking her phone again and turning off the sound. She’s tired of people trying to contact her and just wants to lie in bed and do nothing.

When Monday rolls around she tells her mom she still isn’t feeling well. She knows it’s stupid to skip school this late in the year, but she just can’t bear to see Iris, even from afar. She’s afraid she’ll completely break down, or do something stupid like kiss her again. That just won’t do.

 She skips Tuesday as well. Ronnie texts her a picture of the tie he bought for prom, but doesn’t ask about why she wasn’t in school. She wonders if he even noticed.

Cisco calls her and leaves her a message reminding her that the final project for Chemistry is due tomorrow and she needs to be there to hand it in. She isn’t worried. She’s had her project finished for weeks.

Felicity texts to ask if she’s doing okay, and so does Linda. She tells them she thinks she’s caught a bug.

Barry texts her that she’s being really immature and stupid about this. Caitlin doesn’t reply to his text because it’s true, but she doesn’t want to think about that. She also doesn’t want to think about the fact that Iris obviously told Barry what happened at the party. She doesn’t want to think about anybody knowing.

Iris still hasn’t texted her.

**

She finally drags herself out of bed on Wednesday. She really does have to hand that Chemistry project in, and she wants to show her friends that she’s still alive.

She texts Cisco to let him know, and he picks her up. He talks about how excited he is for prom, how Laurel invited him over to show him her dress and how awesome it looks on her. Caitlin thinks there’s something more to the story than just that, but she appreciates that Cisco keeps that to himself.

Barry is waiting for them at the front doors of the school, and he looks ready to kill. “Did you tell Barry I was coming to school today?” she asks.

“I… yeah, I think so? I was glad you were feeling better again.”

Caitlin groans, “Barry hates me.”

“He does not hate you,” Cisco says, “He’s just… he’s protective of Iris.”

She rolls her eyes, “First of all, he was just fighting with Iris like, five minutes ago. Secondly, how does he know it has anything to do with Iris?”

Cisco shrugs, “Maybe Iris told him?”

“Yeah, maybe,” she says, sighing and getting out of the car, slinging her backpack over her shoulder, “Whatever, let’s get this over with.”

She walks directly up to Barry, who has his arms crossed over his chest and is glaring daggers at her, “Hey Barry,” she greets, faking a smile.

“How dare you,” Barry says, “I can’t even believe you, Caitlin. I thought you were better than this!”

“And that’s my cue,” Cisco says, rushing into the school. Caitlin groans as he disappears into the building.

“How do you know this was my fault? Not too long ago you were all up in Iris’ business about god knows what regarding me. Now suddenly you’re on her side?”

“I was mad at Iris because I thought she was being predatory,” he points a finger at her, “I had no idea you would pull a stunt like this. I didn’t think you were cruel.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Caitlin shouts. “Why are you acting like I ruined her life? She’s the one that messed with me. She got all up in my head, made me all confused-”

“Confused? Yeah, I’m so sure,” Barry scoffs, shaking his head, “And Iris thought I was insensitive.”

“Are we even talking about the same thing here?” Caitlin glances around, “I’m so confused, why are you so angry?”

Barry just continues shaking his head. “You’re unbelievable. I can’t believe you’re pretending you didn’t know. Acting all self-righteous, as though this is Iris’ fault, as if she made you – god, Iris was right. I was an asshole to defend you.”

With that he turns on his heel and goes into the school, leaving Caitlin reeling and wondering what exactly just freaking happened.

**

She stays in the library over lunch, catching up with her work from the previous two days. She keeps glancing to the corner, at the table where she and Iris first got to talking. There’s a couple sitting there, both on the same side of the table, his arm around her shoulder as they read the same book. Caitlin tries to focus on her work.

Hands press down on her shoulders and she jumps in shock, letting out a little squeal of surprise. She turns around to find Ronnie standing behind her, lips stretched into a grin that would have made her weak at the knees not so long ago. She’s dreamed so often of that grin being directed at her, yet now that it is she feels utterly indifferent.

Actually, she feels a bit pissed that he freaked her out so much.

“Hey,” he says, leaning down and kissing her on the cheek. His lips are chapped and seem to scrape against her skin. She doesn’t think it would be that pleasant to kiss him.

Not that she has a lot of experience kissing, but the little experience she has… well, those lips were soft and wonderful.

Soft and wonderful and absolutely frightening.

“You scared me,” she says, scooting her chair over so that he can sit in the one next to hers. He instantly slings an arm around her shoulder, as if it’s supposed to be there. As if they’re dating or something.

They aren’t dating, are they? She doesn’t remember agreeing to date him.

God, look at her. She’s convincing herself that she isn’t dating Ronnie Raymond, who has his arm around her and is her date to prom and just kissed her on the cheek. What the hell is going on with her lately.

“Sorry,” he says, obviously not sorry at all, “I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he stretches his legs out under the table and his arm becomes heavier on her shoulder as he gets comfortable. His hand is relaxed and dangerously close to her breast. She wants to flick it away.

“I’ve been here.”

“For the past several days?” Ronnie asks, “Damn, you’re more dedicated to your school work than I thought.”

“Oh,” she looks down at her book, “No, I haven’t been in school for the past few days.”

“Shit,” he sits up a little bit and his arm feels lighter, “Are you okay? Have you been sick?”

She shakes her head, “Just a bit of a stomach bug,” she lies, forcing a smile, “I’m trying to catch up on the work I missed.”

“Guess you’re still super dedicated to your school work,” he says, squeezing her shoulder. She looks away, chuckling uncomfortably. Why does this feel so uncomfortable?

“Yeah, guess so.”

“So, hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you. A bunch of the guys on the team and their girlfriends are getting a limo for prom, and Eddie told me it’s not too late to get in on it if you wanted.”

She presses her lips together, trying not to look too unenthusiastic about the idea. Going to prom in a limo full of people who probably don’t even know her name isn’t exactly what she had planned for the night.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he says, “You barely know any of the guys and their girlfriends, but don’t even worry about it. Iris will be there, and she’s going stag so the two of you can like, hang out and stuff.”

She frowns at that, “Iris is going stag?”

“Yeah, she didn’t tell you?” He doesn’t look entirely happy about that. Caitlin shrugs.

“We didn’t really talk much about her plans for prom. Just, um. Mine.”

“Well, those are her plans. I would have taken her myself, you know, but she was really adamant about not going to prom with a dude. Some kind of pride thing, I don’t know.”

That makes absolutely no sense, and Caitlin wants to press him further, but he seems to have grown bored with the topic of Iris.

“So, limo. Yes or no?”

She shrugs, still thinking about Iris not wanting to go to prom with a guy, “Yeah, sure, why not,” she says absentmindedly. Ronnie whoops and gets up, kissing her on the cheek again as he goes.

“Sweet. It’s going to be so much fun, I promise.”

“I’m sure it will,” she says, but her heart isn’t into it.

**

The next day she skips school again. This time the only text she receives is from Felicity, who wants to know if she’s actually dating Ronnie Raymond or if that’s just some stupid rumor. She tells her she isn’t dating Ronnie (or at least she thinks she isn’t) and then groans, forcing herself out of bed.

She’s been in bed all day, but she still feels tired. She moves sluggishly, as though all the bones in her body disappeared.

First she goes to her closet and looks at her prom dress. It’s so gorgeous. She’s really glad she picked this one. She knows it’ll go perfectly with Iris’ –

With Ronnie’s. With Ronnie’s tux. She’s going to prom with Ronnie. She’s wanted to go to prom with Ronnie since the ninth grade. She’s always liked Ronnie. This thing with Iris it’s…

It’s a mess, is all. Her head is a mess and her heart is a mess, but just like any other mess all it needs is some sorting out.

She thinks of trying the dress on, but decides not to. Instead she slugs over to her desk and sits on her swivel chair, swiveling in circles for what feels like hours but is most likely less than a minute.

Her desk is a mess. There’s papers everywhere, papers she doesn’t even recognize. Notes, essay outlines, more notes, project outlines. All things that will be entirely useless in less than a month.

She opens one of her desk drawers and finds it mostly empty. Without thinking she begins to shove all her papers into the drawer, not even bothering to sort through them to see which ones might be important. If she needs them, she’ll go looking for them later.

Once her desk is cleared she moves to the second drawer, this one filled to the brim with what looks like absolute crap. A couple of pieces of loose leaf paper. Some pictures of her and Cisco when their families took a joint vacation the summer between fifth and sixth grade. An old bottle of perfume that still has a little bit of liquid sloshing in the bottom.

She pulls everything out, wondering why she wanted to keep this stuff. The pictures she understands (and instantly pins to the bulletin board above her desk) but the rest of it? It’s just a mishmash of useless things.

She picks up a couple of the pieces of paper, stapled together, and finds a short story she wrote for her ninth grade English class. It’s a story about a nerdy girl who somehow gets the popular guy to ask her to prom. Her teacher congratulated her writing style but suggested she write about something other than high school in the future. She has no idea why she’s kept it. Maybe she was proud of it at some point? She didn’t even get a good grade.

She picks up another piece of paper. A note Cisco wrote her in the tenth grade telling her she had gum stuck in her hair. She crumples it up and tosses it in the direction of the garbage.

Another picture appears out of the pile of junk, and it makes her stop short. It’s a picture taken back in the ninth grade, although she isn’t in it. Instead, the shot focuses entirely on Barry and Iris, standing awkwardly beside each other and giving the camera shy smiles. She turns it over and finds the inscription Barry and Iris – first day of high school. Under it, in Barry’s messy scrawl, Thought you’d get a kick out of this. Look at my teeth!

She doesn’t remember getting this picture. She turns it back over, focusing her attention on Iris. Even back then she was pretty. Perfectly clear skin, hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail, outfit adorably chic. It’s no wonder she got recruited into the cheer squad her first week of school.

She was so jealous of Iris back then. Iris, who was kind of friends with them back in grade school but who sky rocketed to popularity the minute she stepped foot in Central City High. Caitlin and the rest of them had fallen behind, and every now and then Iris would come slum it with them, but to Caitlin she was always an Other. One of them.

Caitlin doesn’t really want to think about Iris, so she puts the pictures back in the drawer and picks up another piece of paper.

Her eyes first go to the line written near the end of the page. It reads 11 – Talk to at least one person in every one of my classes.

She recognizes it immediately. It’s her high school bucket list. She chuckles as she reads down from where she began.

12 – Wear a dress to school at least once a month

13 – Try different hairstyles

14 – Eat salad at least once a week

15 – Most importantly – have fun!

She smiles fondly at her fourteen year old self. She remembers sitting down to write this list, hair pulled back into the exact same ponytail it is now, writing and re-writing, crossing words out and scribbling over entire sentences. She wrote at least four versions before finally deciding on the one currently in her hands.

Her eyes travel to the front of the page, neatly labelled Caitlin Snow’s Official High School Bucket List with the subtitle printed on September 22^nd, 2011.

She begins to read the first few items, but immediately pauses when she reads the first. That isn’t… that isn’t what she remembers writing. She reads it over again, and then again, but it still says the exact same thing. She frowns and turns the page around. Maybe this was one of the ones that didn’t work out…

No, the back is empty. This is the official list she decided on.

Without warning, a laugh escapes her. She puts a hand over her mouth, though she doesn’t know why. She’s alone in her room at one in the afternoon and she can’t stop laughing.

She can’t stop laughing because of how stupid she’s been. How melodramatic and silly. She reads the first item on the list and cracks up again.

Deep down she knows it wasn’t all really based on this bucket list. It was just the ambitions of a naïve fourteen year old, after all. She hasn’t completed a large majority of the items (god knows she barely eats salad more than once a month), and really she forgot about most of this list about halfway through the tenth grade.

For some reason though that first one stuck with her, carried her through, and to find out it wasn’t what she thought –

She laughs again. She’s been so stupid.

**

The next morning she gets out of bed, ready to head to school and deal with her stupidity once and for all, but she is stopped by her mother’s reminder that tonight is prom, and therefore she does not have to attend school.

Prom. How the hell did it sneak up on her like this? She’s only been thinking about it non-stop for the past month and a half.

“Prom isn’t until seven, and we aren’t taking pictures until six,” she says, “School is done at four. I’ll have plenty of time to get ready.”

Her mom shakes her head and tells her that, seeing as she hasn’t been feeling well, there is absolutely no way she will allow her to attend school today. Not when she could suddenly relapse and end up missing her prom. No way Jose, in her mother’s words.

So she stays in bed, tossing and turning, picking up her phone and typing up a dozen texts to Iris which she doesn’t send. She gets snapchats from Felicity, Linda, and Cisco, all updating her on their preparations for that night. She snapchats them back pictures of her lying in bed and spends far too long giggling at their outraged replies.

She almost texts Barry, but deletes the text as well.

At four her mother drags her out of bed, tells her that enough is enough and she better get her ass in gear if she wants to make it to prom in time. Caitlin puts her dress on, applies a little bit of mascara and lip gloss, then goes into the living room where her mother is waiting for her.

“No way,” her mother says, shaking her head, “You are not going to prom with your hair like that. Go upstairs, take a shower. I’ll get your hair done up all nice.”

Caitlin does as she’s asked, and an hour later her hair has been pulled into a quite elaborate bun, several loose curls framing her face. Her mother looks incredibly proud of her own handiwork, so Caitlin lets her take a bunch of pictures in their living room.

She acts like she doesn’t care, but she catches sight of herself in the mirror and she has to admit that she does look rather good. Her mom did a good job with her hair, and her dress really is quite gorgeous.

The doorbell rings and her mother runs over to answer the door. It’s Ronnie, it has to be, since his parents are giving them a ride to the park.

A thought pops into her head, and Caitlin runs back up the stairs to her room. Her bucket list is still lying on her desk and she snatches it up, folding it as small as she can and then making her way back downstairs.

“Oh, there she is,” her mother says as she makes her way down, “Caitlin, Ronnie’s here.”

Ronnie looks good. Despite her sudden lack of romantic interest for the boy, she still has to admit that he can really pull of a tux. He’s wearing a really nice silk lilac tie, the exact color of her dress. They’re going to make quite a pair.

“Alright, now let me just get a few pictures of the two of you and you can go on your way. Ronnie, please have Caitlin give your parents my email address, I’d really like copies of the pictures.”

Caitlin wants to roll her eyes and say that her mom could just come to the park and take pictures like the rest of her friends’ parents, but her mom can be weird about things like this. She knows better than to push her too far. She poses for a few more pictures, Ronnie’s arm feeling far too large and heavy around her waist, and then they’re on their way, Caitlin slinging her purse over her shoulder and slipping the piece of paper inside.

Ronnie’s parents blabber on and on the entire way to the park, and Caitlin tries to pay attention, she really does, but all she can think about is the list in her purse. The implications of it, as ridiculous as it sounds, have really changed her perspective, and she feels as though she’s jumping through hoops when she really doesn’t have to.

Ronnie’s parents seem nice, but there’s really no reason for her to get to know them. She’s never going to be more than that strange, quiet, girl Ronnie took to prom.

**

It feels as though Caitlin has been posing for pictures forever, and the large majority of them aren’t even with her friends. She managed to slip away about twenty minutes in and take a few pictures with Cisco, Laurel, Felicity, Ray, Linda, and Barry, but Ronnie’s parents found her very soon and insisted she take more pictures with Ronnie’s friends and their dates.

She keeps glancing over in her own friends direction, feeling entirely left out. They’re all laughing together, posing goofily, and she wants more than anything to be there with them. That seems like it’s going to be impossible, seeing as how every time she wanders even an inch Ronnie’s parents are on her, or Ronnie’s arm is tightening around her waist, telling her that they aren’t quite done taking pictures yet.

Iris doesn’t show up until around twenty minutes before the picture taking ends, and Caitlin doesn’t actually get a good look at her until Ronnie is leading her to the limo, where Iris is already waiting.

She’s absolutely stunning. Her hair has been curled to perfection, and falls down her shoulders in soft ringlets. The dress looks even more incredible on her than Caitlin imagined it would, the sash around her waist making it look even smaller than it is, the flower at the end of the sash matching a light pink flower that Iris has clipped to her hair.

She takes her breath away.

“Iris!” Ronnie says, entirely unaware of his dates thoughts, “Hey, where’ve you been? I didn’t get any pictures with you.”

Iris glances at Caitlin, then shrugs, “I got stuck in traffic,” she says, though the slightly red tint to her cheeks suggests that isn’t exactly true. Caitlin can’t keep her eyes off her, and Iris keeps glancing back at her and then looking away. Caitlin doesn’t know how she’s going to get through the night.

**

The limo ride is awkward. The football players and their dates manage to keep a steady flow of conversation going, but Caitlin can feel the awkwardness in the air. Every time she looks over at Iris it’s to find her already looking her way. They hold eye contact for several seconds, and Iris is always the first to break it. Caitlin will continue staring at her after, and then force herself to look away, trying not to feel like too much of a creep. She desperately wants to talk to her, to explain everything, but at the same time she’s terrified.

When they finally arrive at the venue, Caitlin practically bolts out of the limo.

Because she and Ronnie decided to go together so last minute they aren’t actually sitting at the same table. Caitlin is sharing with her friends, while Ronnie will be sitting with Iris and the rest of his friends. It’ll be a welcome reprieve.

She tells Ronnie she’s going to find her friends and he waves goodbye, clearly not as troubled by her sneaking off as his parents had been.

Cisco greets her happily, introducing Laurel to her even though they’ve met several times already. He places emphasis on the words, “my date”, even wiggling his eyebrows a little bit when he says it. Caitlin sends him a wink and tells Laurel that she looks lovely.

“I need to show you something,” she tells Cisco, ignoring the glare that Barry is sending her way. She waves at Linda and Felicity, who wave back awkwardly, as though they aren’t sure if they should.

Cisco tells Laurel that he’ll be right back and drags Caitlin off to a corner of the large room. “What?” he asks, “And this better be important, because this could possibly end up being the best night of my life.”

She rolls her eyes and produces her list, “Here, read this.”

He takes it from her, grinning when he recognizes it, “Hey, official Operation Bucket List paraphernalia. Where’d you find it?”

“My desk,” she points to the first point, “Look what it says here.”

He reads it over, then gives her an unimpressed glare, “So?”

“So,” she takes a deep breath, “It doesn’t have to be Ronnie.”

Cisco stares at her like she’s crazy, shakes his head and returns the paper to her, “Caitlin, it never had to be Ronnie.”

He might as well have just dumped a load of bricks over her head. She stares at him, eyes wide, and he pats her shoulder and heads back to his date.

She turns towards the room and her eyes instantly find Iris. She’s talking to Eddie Thawne, but she doesn’t look very engaged. After several seconds of staring, Iris’ eyes flicker in her direction, and Caitlin feels her heart jump into her throat.

She knew she was being stupid with this whole bucket list thing, knew she was being stupid about Iris and Ronnie, but it feels like she’s suddenly realized just how stupid for the first time. She wants to go back in time to one week ago and slap herself in the face. Tell her to kiss Iris and just keep kissing her, Ronnie Raymond be damned.

Iris looks away and Caitlin feels like dying. She makes a split decision to end this stupidity once and for all, repercussions be damned, and starts to make her way over to Iris when she’s stopped by Barry stepping in her way.

“Don’t.”

Caitlin huffs, “Don’t what?”

“Don’t mess with her any more than you already have,” he says, arms crossed over his chest.

“I’m not going to mess with her, I swear. I’m just going to explain-”

“She doesn’t need your explanations, she just needs you to stay the hell away.”

Caitlin groans, “Does this make you feel better, Barry? Is that what it is? Because I cannot for the life of me understand why you’re so far up my ass about this when just a week ago you were spitting mad at Iris.”

“This has nothing to do with that.”

“Like hell it doesn’t.”

“Iris is my sister, Caitlin. I know we aren’t related by blood, but we might as well be. She’s my sister and I love her and I would never, never let anybody hurt her. Not like you have.”

“I’m trying to make it right,” she says through gritted teeth, “If you would just get out of my way and let me-”

A voice announces over the speakers that they should find their seats as dinner will be starting. Caitlin groans and stomps off to her table, Barry trailing behind her. She glances over at Iris and finds her once again looking at her. Caitlin smiles, but Iris looks away too fast to see it.

**

Caitlin spends the entire dinner portion of the evening tapping her fingers against the table, her foot jiggling impatiently under the table, eyes flying to Iris as many times as she allows herself.

“He’s your date, right?” Caitlin looks away from Iris to see Ray looking at her, smiling hesitantly, “The guy you keep looking at?”

Caitlin glances at Iris again and shakes her head, “No,” is all she says. Ray frowns, then leans over to whisper something to Felicity, who smacks his shoulder in response and mouths ‘Sorry’ to Caitlin.

She can feel Barry glaring at her, but she purposefully ignores him, instead eating a little bit and trying to catch Iris’ eye as often as possible. She manages it around six or seven times, and each time their eyes meet it feels like her insides come alive. She wants that feeling to last forever.

At one point Ronnie comes over and talks to her, tells her it’s a bummer they can’t sit together. Caitlin nods, but her eyes keep going to Iris. She thinks of where she was less than a month ago, unable to keep her eyes off the boy she can’t spare two seconds for now.

For the first time she doesn’t feel frustration at the thought. That was then, this is now, and now is going to be so much better.

**

Finally dinner is finished and everybody stands so that the venue workers can clear the tables and chairs from the floor. Caitlin tries to make a break for Iris as soon as she’s standing, but Felicity holds her back, wanting to apologize for Ray’s behavior. Caitlin wants to tell her that it’s fine, it really doesn’t matter, she doesn’t even understand their relationship and that sort of trumps everything, now please leave her alone. Felicity looks honestly upset about it, though, so she spends a couple of minutes reassuring her that it really is fine.

When that’s done, Cisco needs her help with something and starts rambling about first kisses and hotel rooms and honestly she isn’t really paying attention. She just wants to scream ‘I do not care, get out of my way please’. Still, Cisco’s been a good friend through this whole mess, so she tries to pay attention to what he’s saying.

By the time that she and Cisco are done discussing… whatever it was they were discussing, she still wasn’t paying as much attention as she should have, the music has started and couples are already flocking the dance floor. Cisco runs off to ask Laurel to dance, thanking Caitlin for whatever advice she just gave him, and Caitlin realizes that this is it. She’s finally free. She can finally –

“Hey,” Ronnie is in front of her, holding out a hand, “You promised me a dance, right?”

Caitlin wants to shout in frustration. Instead she pastes on a smile, takes his hand, and lets him lead her on to the dance floor.

It’s a fast dance, and without the help of alcohol she doesn’t really know what she’s doing. Ronnie tries to help her along, putting her arms around his shoulders and using his hands to sway her hips back and forth. It’s terrible, and Caitlin can’t wait for the song to end.

Unfortunately, when it ends Ronnie just keeps dancing with her, hands firmly on her hips, keeping her rooted in spot. Two songs turn to three turn to four, and suddenly a slow song is playing and Ronnie is pulling her even closer.

It feels wrong, being this close to him. His body is too large, too bulky, his hand too rough where it clasps hers. His fingers keep digging into her waist, and every move seems to pull her impossibly closer.

She looks over his shoulder, trying to find some kind of escape, and sees Iris standing alone at the other end of the room, an unreadable expression on her face. Their eyes meet and Caitlin has a desperate desire to push Ronnie off her and run to Iris.

She was raised right, though, and so she decides that she will wait to push Ronnie away until after the song is done.

He leans his face against hers and her eyes widen. “You know,” he says, mouth incredibly close to her ear. It sends chills down her spine, and not in a good way, “I always thought you were cute, but I never really noticed how awesome you are until Iris told me I should ask you to prom.”

She doesn’t know how to respond, so she merely hums, trying to angle her face so that it’s further away from him. All it does is push his nose and mouth into her hair, and she hears him take in a deep breath.

“I was honestly surprised about that too, but I’m so glad I decided to. Or, well, you decided to. You’re really, really great Caitlin.”

He stops moving and pulls away, forcing her to look in his eyes. She doesn’t like the look in his eye, even less when he leans in and plants a kiss right on her lips.

It feels…

It feels like nothing. One giant pile of absolutely nothing.

She separates them, clearing her throat, “Um. Why were you surprised Iris wanted you to ask me to prom?”

Ronnie chuckles, “I don’t really want to talk about Iris right now,” he says, leaning in again. Caitlin puts a hand on his chest.

“Please?”

He stares at her for a few seconds, obviously confused, then sighs and says, “Look, you can’t tell her I told you this, okay? And I’m only doing it so we can go back to making out.”

No way in hell, “Yeah, of course, I won’t say anything.”

He glances around, as though Iris will be listening in, “Okay, well, Iris has kind of. Um. Had a crush on you? For like, ever.”

Caitlin’s heart jumps for joy, “What?”

“Yeah, it’s like, super intense. She used to talk about it all the time, though she kind of chilled out after last year. It’s kind of how I guessed she was gay before she came out. Like, you two weren’t really that close, you know? There was no reason for her to talk about you that much.”

Caitlin’s throat dries, “Gay?”

“Duh,” Ronnie chuckles, “You didn’t know? She came out sophomore year. It was a huge scandal with the cheerleaders.”

Who Caitlin avoids like the plague, “Oh my god,” she puts her hand to her mouth, “Oh my god.”

“What?” Ronnie asks, taking a step back, frowning, “You’re not, like, homophobic or something, right? Because if you are I don’t think this will work. Iris is my best friend, and-”

“I’m really not,” Caitlin says, laughing at the notion, “It’s just… I just realized why Barry and Iris fought the other day and why Barry is so mad at me.”

“Oh, yeah, you mean when he basically called her a predator and told her to chill about you because you’re super straight and she shouldn’t be trying to turn you? That was shitty,” he shakes his head, “I never thought Barry would say something like that, you know? He always seemed like such a good guy.”

“Yeah, that,” she says.

“Some people,” Ronnie shakes his head, “Wait, Barry’s mad at you? I thought the whole point of that was he was like, defending your virtue, or whatever bullshit excuse he came up with to say those things.”

“He got a taste of his own medicine,” she says, the reason for his anger slotting into place like the last piece of a puzzle, “God, how did I not know that Iris is a lesbian?”

Ronnie shrugs, “You’re kind of oblivious, from what I can tell. I mean, we’ve been talking this whole time, and you seriously can’t even tell that I am absolutely dying to kiss you again.”

“Right,” Caitlin shakes her head, “I’m really sorry Ronnie, but this isn’t going to work.”

“Wait,” Ronnie’s eyes widen, “What? I thought – Iris told me you’d been crushing on me for years,” his eyes widen further and his lips curve downward, “Is it me? Am I like, super disappointing? Am I a bad kisser? Did I do something-?”

“No, no,” Caitlin waves a dismissive hand, “You’re… you’re perfect, Ronnie. You really are. It’s me. It’s all me. I did have a crush on you, but,” she takes a deep breath, “But I haven’t since I started to fall for Iris.”

“Oh, shit,” Ronnie’s frown disappears and is replaced by a grin, “Well, damn, Caitlin, you should have said something sooner! If I’d have known you’re a lesbian too-”

“I’m not,” she quickly corrects, “Bi, maybe? I don’t know. I don’t really care right now. I just… I really need to go and tell Iris that I messed up and that I really like her. You don’t mind?”

“Mind? I just told you Iris has been crushing on you forever! Go, go make her life. She’s gonna flip when you tell her.”

Caitlin grins, though she isn’t entirely sure it’ll go that well. “Thank you so much Ronnie. And, you know, sorry. I know this probably isn’t the prom you pictured.”

“Hey, it’s better than sitting around watching crappy movies with my folks like I was going to do,” he shoos her away, “Go. Go get your girl.”

Caitlin nods and hurries off, eyes searching the room for Iris. She can’t find her anywhere, even when she stands on a chair to better scan the area. She decides to check the bathrooms, but she isn’t there either.

As she exits the bathroom one of the waiters walks past her, and she stops him with a, “Hey, sorry, could you help me?” the guy turns around, raising an inquisitive eyebrow, “Have you seen a really pretty girl leave recently? She’s wearing a pink dress with a flower on it? About yay tall,” she gestures with her hands.

“Black girl, right?” he asks, and Caitlin nods in confirmation, “Yeah, she walked out about five minutes ago,” Caitlin’s heart sinks. That was about when Ronnie kissed her. “I’d check the limo pick up area, or the gardens out back.”

“Thanks so much,” Caitlin says, running off.

Iris isn’t out front, so Caitlin immediately heads to the gardens behind the venue. She has to pause halfway around the building to pull off her high heels, her feet killing her, and continues to run the rest of the way with her heels in her hands.

She sees Iris as soon as she turns the corner. She’s standing with her back to the venue, arms wrapped around herself, staring up at the setting sun. Caitlin has to pause, both to catch her breath and take in the absolutely gorgeous sight she makes.

“Iris,” she says, still slightly out of breath. Iris turns, eyes wide and mouth parting in surprise.

“Caitlin?”

“Iris,” Caitlin wheezes, taking a step forward, “I-” she stops, leaning onto her knees to make breathing slightly easier, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I-”

“Did you just run a marathon?” Iris hurries to her side, “What are you doing here?”

“Need to tell you,” Caitlin takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, “I’m sorry. I need to tell you that I’m sorry.”

Iris shakes her head, “You don’t need to apologize. I should apologize. Barry was right, I was being predatory, and-”

“Barry’s an idiot,” Caitlin says, “A loveable idiot, for sure, but an idiot nonetheless. You weren’t being predatory. You were helping me get with Ronnie, what the hell is predatory about that?”

“I was being selfish. Trying to get close to you by any means necessary. It was a stupid idea, and-”

“It wasn’t stupid,” Caitlin says, smiling, chest still heaving, “It was sweet. You’re sweet.”

Iris looks down at her feet and Caitlin thinks she sees her blush, “Thanks.”

Caitlin waits till her breathing is no longer labored to say, “That’s not all I came to say.”

“Look, if you’re here to let me down easy, don’t bother. I saw you with Ronnie.”

“I don’t care about Ronnie,” she laughs, “God, it feels so amazing to say that out loud.”

Iris’ head shoots up, “Wait, you – you don’t care about Ronnie?! But you’ve been in love with him since-”

“Since I was fourteen and didn’t even know what being in love was. I still don’t, by the way. But… I think I have a better idea of it now.”

She reaches into her purse and pulls out the folded up piece of paper.

“Here,” she says, handing it to Iris, “Read the first one.”

Iris frowns as she unfolds the paper, then reads out loud, “Attend prom with the love of my life.” Iris looks up at her, obviously confused, “Why are you giving me this?”

“Because all this time I’ve been caught up in my head,” Caitlin says, “I’ve been forcing myself to hold on to something that I let go of a long time ago. Something that wasn’t even what I really wanted.”

Iris raises an eyebrow, “You’re telling me that the only reason you wanted to go to prom with Ronnie was because of a bucket list you made at fourteen?”

“No,” Caitlin shakes her head, “No, I’m saying that I’ve been stuck in the past. I’ve been forcing myself to keep being somebody that I no longer am, and to care for somebody that I never really cared for to begin with.” She shrugs, “Finding the list just kind of… made that clear to me.”

“So what are you saying? Ronnie isn’t the love of your life?”

“God, no,” Caitlin laughs, “He’s a nice guy and all, but we don’t have anything in common, and honestly? I think he was just forcing himself to like me because he didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“That… that sounds like Ronnie,” Iris shakes her head, smiling fondly.

Caitlin takes a step closer to her, “Iris,” she reaches out her hands, heart fluttering when Iris’ meet her halfway, as if instinctively, “I messed up. I was so caught up in my own head, so blind, so stupid. But I’m not anymore,” she squeezes Iris’ hands, “I know what I really want.”

“Yeah?”

Caitlin nods, “Yeah. I want to attend prom with the love of my life.”

Iris laughs at that, but still steps even closer, “Don’t you think you’re jumping the gun a little bit?”

“Maybe,” Caitlin shrugs, “Probably. Got a problem with that?”

“Not a single one,” Iris says, leaning in to close the gap between them, pressing their lips together in the sweetest kiss Caitlin could ever imagine.