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The gloom of the dimly lit Lucrehulk reflected Cal's entire soul as he argued quietly with Bode about the...dubious merits of attachment. They didn't have time for this, and Cal certainly didn't have time to examine his slowly building but inescapable not so brotherly feelings for his best friend. Except Bode was still talking, and he really wasn't going to leave Cal in peace to agonise over his existential crisis by himself - "Maybe...figure something out with Merrin?"
Cal winced. Bode hadn't stopped nagging him about the woman he firmly considered his sister (maybe, once he had held feelings for Merrin, in the same way he'd cared deeply about Trilla, in the end, despite everything she'd done). He was running out of easy deflections that didn't open the whole new nest of snitmice he definitely did not want to disturb. "Ah...she's got her path, I've got mine." He muttered, keeping his gaze firmly on the console and not on that frustratingly handsome face. Ever since Coruscant, he had been struggling with complicated feelings for Bode – he was terrible at getting too attached, too quickly.
"Yeah, I've...heard Jedi avoid attachment, but..." Yeah, no, that definitely was not Cal's problem. At all. Way off the mark, Cal was a karking dreadful Jedi -
"That's right." He replied (lied) quickly, taking the out and hoping that the gunslinger would shut the hell up.
"Just..." No such luck. "Don't forget who you really are." Oh Force, he really did want to have this conversation right now, didn't he? Could he not just attractively (and silently) lift the damned door already?
"What's that supposed to mean?" He huffed, scowling at the other man and immediately wishing he hadn't said it. He was trying to end this conversation, not continue it.
"It means trust your heart."
Cal's heart wanted to fall through the fucking floor and sink into the mud because he was very done with this entire conversation. He deflected again, trying to end it, only for Bode to step closer, big earnest eyes wide and beautiful as he got entirely the wrong impression from Cal's reluctance to talk. "If you see a future with Merrin, embrace it!"
"It's not Merrin I want a future with, Bode!" Cal burst out before he could hold his tongue, and he froze, slamming his mouth shut as he let the horror of what he'd just blurted settle around them both like a shroud.
Bode froze too, reeling back, but before he could reply to Cal's absolute shitshow of a statement, a brilliant white rayshield flared up between them.
He didn't have time to panic about what he'd just done. Zee needed them.
~
"Hey, Bacta Breath." Bode's timing was as always, impeccable. Cal gasped at the strain of holding the entire ceiling up while keeping Dagan's lightsaber at bay, when the other Jedi's concentration broke, and Bode leapt to stand in front of him, blasters raised in defence. Defence of him, his brain unhelpfully supplied. "So...this is the guy you told me about." Ugh, did he have to say it like that?
"Yeah...he's as friendly as ever." Cal panted, every rib screaming in agony with each ragged breath. Before they could throw themselves back into the fight, Dagan clearly decided he wasn't in the mood to fight them both, and made a hasty exit - dropping what remained of the roof on them on his way out. The floor dropped out from below them and Cal grunted as his chest felt like it was caving in as he tumbled.
Bode grabbed him around the middle, and he almost passed out in pain as the mercenary flew him to safety on a nearby gantry. His flying was a little off given the extra weight, but he huffed a laugh as he set Cal on his feet. "Heh. You're not getting away that easy, Scrapper." He murmured, reaching out as though to steady him.
"Than-" Cal's reply turned into an embarrassingly pitchy squeak as Bode jerked him forward, kissing him with all the wild ferocity of the battle they'd just fought. Cal choked against his lips, mouth slack as Bode pulled back, dark eyes intense. "That was a real dick move, saying all that stuff then locking me behind a rayshield like that. Real cop-out."
"Wha - I didn't do it on purpose -" Oh, Cal could feel how red his face was, and he really wanted to find that swamp and just...drop himself into that mud again right now.
"Relax. I'm teasing." Bode dipped his forehead to press it against Cal's own, and Cal's heart did an odd little backflip in his chest. "We'll finish this conversation later. I gotta get you home, you look like you went a dozen rounds with a rancor."
"Y...Yeah...feels that way too..." Cal replied faintly. The ache in his chest wasn't entirely his five broken ribs as Bode wrapped an arm around his shoulder and they headed for the escape pods.