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Over and over again. I've repeated this event countless times, yet everything ends up in nothing, and with me repeating it all.
I take a deep breath, gathering my courage to start this day.
I open the door of the establishment, with its little bell ringing, announcing everyone that I've just entered. A more than familiar head turns towards me.
"Good morning, Akemi-san!" - the barista spoke. Mami Tomoe, the owner of the Puella Café. Call me childish, but the way she bakes cakes, makes tea, and serves her customers while wearing a flashy Magical Girl outfit... It's amusing.
"Good morning. It'll be the usual please." - I answer back.
"A 'Puella in Somnio' coming right up!" - she cheered, preparing her baking magic.
I walk towards my usual table. It's spot isn't really anything special in a coffee drinking optimization view, it's right next to some big plant, under the neon sign that reads 'PUELLA CAFÉ', and it's in the main pathway of movement, meaning you'll get passed by the staff multiple times. But it is special to me. Because right next to that table, its table A12. It is next to a window, receiving the sunshine, adorned with white silky curtains. There's almost to no movement, and you might be lucky enough to see some dogs passing by. So why am I not in that table?
Madoka Kaname. Her beauty sits across from me in that table every morning, before going to work. She works as a receptionist at a lawyer firm - she enters at 10:00, stops for lunch at 14:00 and leaves at 17:30. I... Eavesdrop a lot...
"Good morning, Homura-chan!" - that same voice snaps me back. Her kind pink eyes are looking at me with a glow, as if this was the first time we've met. It's not.
"Good morning, Kaname-san." - I replied back, flipping my hair. Why did I do that..?
"You know you can just call me Madoka. I don't even mind the -chan." - she giggled. Today she was wearing a simple white dress with white high heels. A direct contrast to my dark purple dress and black high heels.
"I'm sorry... I do not feel comfortable to treat you like that." - I attempted to justify.
"I see." - she said, turning her head to the window. Tomoe-san carefully delivered my order to my table, a round gray plate with a sweet bread and wiped cream, chocolate, and blueberries, to complement it.
"Kaname-san," - Mami began - "your 'Sagitta Luminis' is running a bit late today. It should be ready in time though."
"That's fine, Mami-san. Thank you."
She is always so polite. So kind.
"Then..." - Madoka once again broke the silence, looking over to me - "Is 'Kaname-san' comfortable enough?" - she questioned.
"I... Yes. I feel it's the perfect amount of respect you deserve."
"Homura-chan... You're too kind. We've known each other since middle school! You don't have to keep acting like a stranger."
"I'm aware. But we're adults now. We drifted paths. It's only natural, no?"
What am I saying?!
"It doesn't need to be. I still speak with Sayaka just as much as I did before. Did you know that she and Kyoko are getting married?"
"Predictable. Those two never left eachother's sides."
"I'd like to get married too. To someone as cool as Sayaka, and as strong as Kyoko... Someone as wise as Mami-san and--"
She cut herself, glancing over to me and glancing back at the window.
We stayed in silence for a few minutes, until Mami came back running with Madoka's 'Sagitta Luminis'. A white plate with pink strawberry chocolate in the shape of arrows, stabbed into a white macaroon that weirdly looks like a cat.
"I can't tell why we drifted away. But I'd like to get to know you again." - Madoka once again spoke. Why does she always have to be the one to start our conversations? Why can't I...
"What have you been up to?" - she asked me.
"I'm an assistant to Yachiyo Nanami. Have you heard of her?" - I replied.
"The model?! Really??"
"Correct. I book her shootings and organize events."
"Wow... It must be stressful to work for her!"
"Not at all. Nanami-san is very understanding. She's the face behind Mikazuki Villa, a home for homeless and traumatized children. She is very kind."
"And you work for someone so amazing..? Wow, Homura-chan... You're still as incredible as you were!"
I can't help myself from showing a blush.
"Tha-That's not.. Thank you. You are also incredible, Kaname-san."
"Really? I don't think so. I'm only a receptionist. I wasn't amazing in school, and as of yet, I'm still not that amaz--"
"That's not true!" - I strike the table with my fist. She jolts her head towards me, and Mami looks over with a slightly concerned look on her face.
"Kaname-san, you're incredible! You're the most amazing person I've ever met, kind and brave. Since middle school! Why must you always do this?! Why must you always bring yourself down from what you are?!"
A deafening silence took over the café. I noticed Mami smiling a bit and going back to her work. The three of us, we were the only ones inside, at this time. Madoka was looking at me, surprised. Blushing. She turned her head away, and moved a hand to cover her mouth.
I did it again. That's why we drifted, I've made her cry, and I've done it again. But sometimes she can be so-- selfish! She's as deserving of love as anyone else.
"At the time I didn't really understand you, Homura-chan." - her soft, shaky voice broke the silence I brought - "I thought you were too honest. Too straightforward. Too mean. I couldn't understand that, what you were saying, wasn't an attack. But it always made me cry."
She turned her face to me. Her eyes were watery, but her smile was as soft as before. She's a painting come to life.
"Now that I'm a grown up, I can understand why. You never meant to hurt me. You just wanted to protect me. Your words went against what I believed of myself, and I didn't know what to do of them. I've always had a weird habit of crying, huh?" - she giggled, cleaning her tears.
I couldn't answer back. I didn't knew what to say. We remained in silence, eating our sweets. We finished, and with nothing else to say, I began to prepare myself to leave. Once again, nothing. I couldn't even ask her to... Whatever. Tomorrow is a new day. I should--
"Homura-chan." - Madoka spoke. Again. I can never tire of listening to her. She reached over to her purse and removed a black box with a pink ribbon.
"Despite what others might think, I've always considered you my best friend. You were always there, whether you'd be speaking or not. I knew you were listening, I knew you were caring. You were probably feeling more than I was, just in your usual silence."
She handed the box to me.
"Happy Birthday."
"You remembered..?" - I asked.
"How could I not? You never left my side. Even after drifting away, you were still there, in that table every single morning. Watching me embracing every day. Watching me get happy, or sad. You have never actually left."
She signaled me to open the box. I did so.
Inside were two red ribbons. The same she used to wear, so long ago.
"Don't tell my mom I told you this, but I always thought you looked better with them."
She got up and moved closer to my table. She left a tiny white card with her name and new phone number.
"Please. Let's grab a drink together soon." - she said, pecking my cheek a surprise kiss and leaving shortly after.
My cheeks were red, burning up. I couldn't believe what just happened. Madoka, she... She has always been by my side.
A few days later, I'm standing at the door of her workplace. Wearing white pants and a cozy winter shirt. As well as the red ribbons she gave me, formed in a big bow. She leaves the building wearing a black skirt and a purple button up shirt. I can see she's a little surprised to see me. I see in her lips, her whispering my name, 'Homura'.
I smiled.
"Hello, Madoka. I hope you're not busy right now."
She smiled. Even her eyes were smiling. She skipped over to me and hugged my entire arm.
"You finally called me Madoka!" - she excitedly proclaimed.
While hugging my arm, she also held my hand. We walked over to the place we felt was our own. The place we knew was a guarantee.
Puella Café.