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Alexandre wasn’t sure how this happened. Did he see it coming? There had to be signs right? Surely this means Dirk had lied to him before or was using him, but at every angle, no matter how much stuff he went through this didn’t seem to be the case. Every diary entry written about being smitten with the local bartender, writing to himself about how lovely he was. Seeing his husband… no, ex-husband, seeing his ex-husband write about him with so much love, but write about hurting others with no emotion whatsoever. The ink sketched drawings of them in the margin of notes describing how someone was killed in a heartless experiment. He grabbed the books and notes, heading up to their bedroom to think it all over somewhere soft as this all was making him dizzy. Sunny could definitely be capable of this, he always freaked him out. But Dirk, no. Absolutely not. Not his Dirk. Not the man who cried on their wedding day in a green lace and velvet gown, holding his face softly and telling him he’d love him forever. Not the one who would go to The Horses Hitch every day for months just to keep him company. Not the love of his life who shared his bed and home. But maybe some other part of him, maybe somewhere deep down this was Dirk. Alexandre didn’t want this to be true, but the acceptance of the idea slowly grew. Maybe the Dirk who researched for days on end, completely ignoring his husband in exchange for plants and potions. Maybe the Dirk who did not cry when his mother died, told Alexandre that “It was going to happen eventually, honestly I don’t really care.” Maybe the Dirk who grew poisonous flowers in their front yard, continuing to do so even though there were dead animals littering the pathway out, even taking and examining their bodies. But maybe his Dirk and that Dirk were the same. Can someone so cruel love so sweet? Alexandre knew now for a fact they could. His Dirk was cruel and sweet. His Dirk was smart and cunning and smooth and knew how to talk to others to get what he wanted. He knew that he as well had been one of the many played by the sweet words of a pretty face. And he had such a pretty face. He was beautiful and it hurt so badly. He is beautiful the way a blood-stained dagger is beautiful. He was sharp, dangerous, and bloody, but gorgeous and made your heart race. Alexandre could not continue to love someone who had committed such atrocities, but he so desperately wanted to love the sweet man who he’d sworn his life to. He wants to love his husband, he wants to continue to love him forever, but he can’t. He can’t just pretend this never happened.
Alexandre sat for hours, head racing with thoughts, going through every memory, every instance of bitterness in his husband’s voice. He wondered; people who turn out like this don’t do it for no reason. What was Dirks reason? Dirk grew up with a loving community, well maybe not loving, elves aren’t exactly loving, but not unsupportive. His endeavors were helped by his family, his aunt gave everything to him. What in Dirks life could lead him to being like this? Was it something he’d never told Alexandre? Some past trauma, too horrendous to even think about mentioning? It seemed unlikely, given his open nature. Was it Sunny? Alexandre knew he was no good, but hesitated to think even he could cause someone to do such horrible things. Alexandre thinks back to the first time they met.
It was a loud and busy night in The Horses Hitch. Students filled the tavern; the end of the school year had come about, and the new graduates celebrated their achievements. Alexandre spotted Sunny first. Standing tall with maroon hair, wearing a button up shirt and tie. Alexandre wonders what kind of person wears that to a bar, but dismisses it, he’s had weirder patrons. He had sharp looking eyes; the longer Alexandre looked the more the man resembled a snake. As the man strode over to the bar Alexandre noticed the shorter, green haired, elven man next to him. They sat down together, an unlikely looking pair. The shorter man seemed to be drunk already, having trouble getting onto the bar stool. His flushed face scrunched in frustration as he finally clambers up. They ordered a cup of mead each, he remembers well because in the years since he learned Dirk doesn’t actually like it, just didn’t care what he was drinking that night.
The two sipped their mead and discussed post-graduation plans, Alexandre is a bit ashamed to admit he was listening into their conversation. His attention was mostly diverted by the other customers, but the mysterious two were on his mind. Eventually the bar calmed down and Alexandre made his way over to the two to introduce himself. He smiled warmly and spoke to them.
“Hey! You two having a good time? Haven’t seen you around here before,” he spoke, trying to seem as friendly as possible. The red headed man turned his way, looking him up and down before glaring.
He spoke in a bitter, unimpressed tone, “Evelyn, it’s a pleasure.” Evelyn looks annoyed when Alexandre doesn’t walk away, Dirk doesn’t seem to notice or care. “Can I help you?” He sneers.
Alexandre immediately looks embarrassed. “Oh uh, I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Alexandre, I um… I don’t own the place, but I manage it and serve and I’m a bartender here and I clean up. I dunno, I do a bunch of stuff here. Anyway, my friends call me Alex.” Alexandre smiles pleasantly and holds out a hand towards Evelyn.
He ignored it, an amused look on his face. “So, you manage it, work it, clean it, and do everything here, but you don’t own it.” He looks over to his green haired comrade and they both laugh, the green haired man's head leaning on his arm. “Well, you must not be doing a very good job then.” They laugh again.
Alexandre frowns, no longer very interested in speaking to them. As Alexandre begins to walk away a quiet voice pipes up, “Oh Evey, be nice.” The man with the green hair picks his head up off the bar and smiles. “It is very nice to meet you, Alex.” He takes the hand Alexandre still had out and shakes it. “I’m Dirk, Evey and I,” he gestures to his friend. “Have been away at university, but hopefully we’ll be around more now… Or at least I will.” Dirk looks at Alexandre with soft gaze and smile on his face. Evelyn turns to his colleague, sees his face, and is instantly hit with a wave of disgust.
“Oh my god, you can’t be serious. We’re supposed to be celebrating me not…” He makes a gesture to Dirk. “Whatever you’re doing. I’m leaving, see you… I don’t know tomorrow? Whenever you’re free. Bye.” Evelyn stands up and walks out of The Horses Hitch, leaving a pouting Dirk behind.
“Man. Didn’t even pay,” he mumbles, fishing a few coins out of his pocket and slides it to Alexandre. “I’m sorry about that. He just hates fun I guess.” Dirk laughs at his own sarcasm and finally tries his mead. “So anyway,” He looks up at Alexandre with a smitten look. “You are so beautiful, how’s your day?”
Alexandre laughs, trying to keep his composure and not embarrass himself in front of the handsome stranger. “Well thank you. My day has been busy.” He looks around the bar. “It’s calmed down now though.”
Dirk sighs, still staring at Alexandre. “Good, good… Hey you should totally go out with me.” He watches Alexandres face intently. “So, what do you say?” Alexandre pauses, brows furrowed and mouth open in surprise.
“Um no,” Alexandre replies awkwardly, seeing Dirks face fall.
“Whaaaat? Why?” He pouts, clearly being more dramatic than need be.
Alexandre sighs and takes the mead from in front of him, sliding the coins back.“Because you’re drunk, I suggest you go catch up with your friend,” Alexandre tell him, cleaning one of the glasses. “Maybe I’ll see you some other time and you can try again.” He laughs.
Dirk stands up, the dramatic pout still on his face. “Fine, but I definitely will be back.” He walks to the door shouting, “Have a wonderful night!” as he walks out. Alexandre leans on the bar, sipping Evelyns untouched mead while watching Dirk walk out. He smiles, dumping the rest out and beginning to prepare the tavern for close.
Alexandre thinks back to this memory, that image of his husband forever burned in his mind as the love of his life. Now thinking about it is making him sick. He clutches the blankets he’s sitting on, tears welling in his eyes. He knows he will never recover from this, never be able to think of Dirk the same way. He’ll never be able to look back on when Dirk came back the next day to apologize, or their wedding day, swearing in that moment they would love each other forever.
Alexandre stands up, a decision made in his mind, he slowly walks down the stairs, looking at every piece of the life they’ve made together with a sickly feeling. He sits down at the table with ink, paper, a quill, and a bottle of wine. He lets out a sigh, beginning two letters, one to the court house and one to Dirk.