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"Happy birthday Sand." Ray whispered as the two lay back to back in a bed that he always thought was too cramped for the pair of them to lie in however, tonight it seemed too extensive and Sand didn't like it.
Sand knew Ray was crying silently behind him, a well muffled sob escaping his lips every couple of minutes. Sand himself was crying yet he didn't know if he was disheartened over the fact Ray loved another person or the fact Ray was in tears and he was facing away from him rather than coming to his aid. You'd think after Boston's exposal and Ray's silence confirming the matter he'd be seeing red everytime he thought of Ray but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Ray, the man who goes out of his way to show constant appreciation and dedication to Sand, Ray the one willing to give up his prestegious lifestyle to accompany Sand, Ray the only person he'd allowed engulfed in his bed more than once. Ray was different - special.
He should feel angry, his head is telling him to throw Ray out and forget about it yet his heart is telling him he's a fool. He could throw around words of blasphemy but what would he truly achieve? He's the one who could tell the difference between love and lust so why does he gain the right to such a strong emotional reaction towards something so casual?
He could sense Ray was scratching at the nape of his neck, something he picked up on him doing often when he was anxious. He shouldn't mark such pure skin so when his eyes wandered to a stained cheek from Boston's fist leaking with venom he felt hatred, a much stronger one than he even began to feel towards Ray himself.
"I stopped liking Mew a while ago," Ray managed to begin between sobs, breaking the silence that lasted no longer than five minutes yet better described as eternties "Boston is just upset that Mew is dating Top and Top isn't one of his toys anymore." He took a deep breath, Sand could almost feel the breath ricochet against his own ribcage. "When you came along you were nothing like Mew, you weren't afraid of stepping out of line and it was honestly quite exciting being with someone who didn't mind getting high or wasted once a while, honestly it didn't take long to realise you weren't just a friend."
Sand rolled over to face Ray who was still facing the opposite side of the room, he watched as Ray's body jerked with every unstable breath he exhaled. Ray was being raw and honest, he knew it was taking a lot for him to open up about.
"Sand you turn back around right now i don't feel worthy of your sight."
Ray had changed as the two grew closer. Sand realised the obnoxiously sheltered and inconsiderate asshole he viewed as a waste of space and nothing but trouble was actually a pretty admirable human being. He likes vintage records and the smell of old books, he loves watching shitty movies of old cars and he likes the crust off his pizza more than the pizza itself. He hates when his pants roll down and end up being different lengths or when an animal runs away from him, its all so insignificant but to Sand its all so significant.
He felt a lot when he viewed Ray but hatred or inferiority was never one so the fact Ray would even suggest him being so put an automatic frown on his face.
"You're more of a human than I'll ever be." Sand croaked out, slightly caught off guard by the huskiness the previous crying had added to his voice. "The fact you didn't excuse or irrationalise the situation is admirable, if you claim something is in your past i have the upmost faith and trust that it truly is."
He could tell Ray was crying again as this time there was no attempt to hide the sobs being vocalised. Raw and honest.
"If you don't feel worthy of my glimpse take this instead."
Sand pressed a slow and deep kiss into the spot crimsoning where he previously dragged nails across his skin, a promise richer than any word possibly heard or said.
They'd figure it out and they could only do so because they had one another, they always did.