Work Text:
"When you ask veteran when they were last 'over there',
know that in many cases, the real answer is
'EVERY NIGHT'"
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Gunfire. All around him were heard gunshots and the screams of people. Blood dripped down his hands and from the deep wound on his head as he, dirty from mud, tried to get out of the trench covered with corpses and escape into the woods. As he ran between the trees a horrifying scream of pain rang in his ears. Strange and yet so familiar at the same time. He looked behind him, wanting to check if no one was chasing him. The moment he returned with his eyes in front of him he saw snow and the ground had slipped from under his feet. He was falling. Screaming and waving his arms desperately trying to save himself somehow. He fell into the abyss while the last carriages of the train flashed over his head before he felt his bone crack, tissues were ripped, and his arm was torn away from the rest of his body. The red liquid left visible traces on the white fluffy snow as his body collided with the ground, and a mind-blowing scream echoed in his ears, as a gentle voice broke through in his brain calling out his name.
"James..."
Before he had time to realize what was happening a sharp blade was cutting into his already messed up arm and the bright light was glaring into his eyes. He heard his scream but it seemed to come from a distance. He felt as if he was about to pass out from the pain but he couldn't, and when he lifted his eyelids again, wanting to find some way to get out of this hell, he saw some blond-haired man and a short doctor in glasses with a notebook standing in front of him.
"James."
"Please don't ... ."
"James!"
"Wipe him!"
"No!"
"James!"
Bucky with a loud scream rose to a sitting position miraculously avoiding knocking you out in the process. With horror and confusion in his eyes, covered with cold sweat, he looked at you and immediately moved back to the corner of the bed limping and covering himself with his hand wanting to hide as much as possible.
"P-Please don't hurt me..." He whispered in a trembling voice still covering himself with his arm trying to push himself as deep into the corner of the bed between the walls as possible. Your heart was breaking at this sight and tears came to your eyes as always. You hated to see him like that when he was unable to tell
the difference between reality and a dream. In the soft light of the bedside lamp, you could easily see him shivering and hear his shallow raspy breathing.
"Honey, calm down, no one is going to hurt you. It's me, YN. It was just a nightmare." You said calmly while keeping both hands in view, still sitting on the opposite side of the bed. You knew that before doing anything, first, you had to bring your husband back to reality. "It's over. You're safe now."
"That's not true. You're not here, you're not real. They're messing with my head." He cried out clenching his eyelids and burying his face in his knees, his left hand sticking out in front of him wanting to stop you from coming closer.
"Open your eyes, baby. Please." You asked softly, slowly moving closer to him until you were a meter away from a trembling and sobbing ball of desperation fearing for his life. "Look at me. I'm real. Hold my hand if you need proof." You added, all the while in a calm and gentle voice, extending your hand toward him and stopping it just a few inches from his trembling hand. "I'm real. It was just a nightmare."
Bucky carefully lifted his head from between his knees and looked at you. His hair was sticky with sweat, traces of still-flowing tears painted trails on his cheeks and his beautiful blue eyes were decorated with impenetrable fear and agony.
You fought with yourself not to jump forward and hug him, assuring him that everything would be fine. You knew you couldn't do that because you would only frighten him even more. You had to wait, no matter how much your heart was breaking with each passing second.
After a few minutes that felt like an eternity Bucky carefully touched your hand with his finger and when nothing terrible happened and a slight smile grew on your face he did it again and again until finally he put his hand on yours and you intertwined your fingers together as you saw in his eyes how his consciousness returned.
"Doll?"
"Yes, James. I'm right here." You finally said with a sigh of relief extending your arms in an inviting gesture and your husband immediately snuggled into you still curled up like a small child. "Shh, I'm right here, love. You're safe. Deep breaths, baby. Just like that. I've got you." You said calmly, rocking him gently and stroking his hair to calm him down. You could feel his heart racing like crazy and tears soaking into your shirt.
"YN" He sobbed trying to snuggle into you even closer.
"Shh, everything is fine. Don't worry, honey. I won't let them hurt you. Close your eyes and breathe slowly. Deep slow breaths. You need to calm down first." You kissed his head and held him like that in your warm embrace whispering something to him all time until you finally felt his body relax, heard his breathing normalize and his sobbing stop. "Do you want some water?" You asked softly to which Bucky nodded, leaning slightly away from you so that you could reach for the glass standing on the cabinet. You handed it to him but didn't take your hand back from his shaking one, securing the glass from falling on the bed. With your other hand, you were still gently rubbing his back when he started drinking like crazy. "Hey, take it easy or you'll choke." You laughed carefully pushing the cup away from his mouth.
"I'm sorry, honey. I woke you up... and I didn't recognize you again." He groaned lowering his head in shame not daring to look at you.
This was happening too often. He was afraid that one day it would end up hurting you when he didn't recognize you.
You put your hand over his heart and leaned forward wanting to look into his eyes. You saw pain, sadness, and shame. Things he shouldn't feel in your company. You felt under your fingers his still racing heart. The tension of the nightmare he was reliving over and over again hadn't quite left him yet.
"James you have nothing to apologize for, it's not your fault. As your wife, it's my duty to cuddle you back to sleep when you have a nightmare and to be here for you." You said and a slight smile finally appeared on his face.
"You were doing it long before we were together." He reminded and a memory of you from many years ago stood in front of his eyes as you knelt on the ground beside him, in the middle of the night, calming him down after another nightmare. When no one even made an effort to look out of their rooms, you ran out of yours as if you were on fire and broke the lock on his door to get in. Stark wasn't happy about it but didn't dare to tell you anything, knowing perfectly well that you could start the war. "You deserved someone better. It's been a long time since there was a week that didn't end with me screaming in the middle of the night."
"James, look at me." You asked and when the blue irises finally stopped on your face you continued. "I love you. I promised you at our wedding that I would be by your side for the rest of my life no matter what happens. And I meant it." You said with a smile gently kissing him. "The same nightmare as usual?"
You knew that James had been haunted by the same nightmare for years. War and HYDRA. He had already admitted this to you a few years earlier. It was one of the greatest signs of trust another person can receive, an insight into someone's nightmares, someone's past.
"Yes, it doesn't want to let go. I'm tired of this."
"Relax, we'll get through this together. We're family, right?"
"How did I deserve to have you with me?" This time Bucky was the one who pulled you closer and dragged you onto his lap kissing your temple. "I love you my happiness, my everything. I don't know what I would do without you."
"We'll call the psychologist in the morning, maybe she will be able to help. Okay?" You suggested stroking his cheek when your eyes were connected.
"Yeah, sure."
"I'm so proud of you, baby." You whispered against his ear. Opening up to a stranger was a hard and time-consuming process but he finally made it. "Do you feel better?"
"I feel like shit. "
"You look like it, too." You joked.
"Hey!" Bucky grinned and, grabbing you tighter, turned you around hovering over you, and started tickling you after a while stopping and kissing you deeply. When he pulled away a smile was on his face. There was still fear in his eyes but already much less than before.
"There's that smile I know and love..." You said with adoration kissing him again. "Come on. You'll change, we'll take a warm bath and go back to bed. If you want we'll try to sleep and if not we'll just lie down. Sounds good?"
"Perfect."