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The title of the book was what often caught the buyer's eye.
The Care and Feeding of Your Noble: A Commoner's Guide to Dating the Nobility
Though it was originally slated to be under the Humor/Satire section of the book shops across Heimdallr, it was quickly moved to the front and center displays after a positive review in the Imperial Chronicle increased demand. In fact, the book was so popular that it started to become difficult to keep it in stock. Amidst the capital, the title was becoming a household name, office workers sometimes quoting bits of a chapter to one another and having a good laugh. It was clear to them that the author knew what they were doing.
The first thing one must remember, one of the paragraphs began, is that your average noble is most unlike you and I. They require constant supervision. Not in the way a toddler would, though on occasion you may need to put them in a time out if they're acting a bit spoiled. Supervision in their feelings is what I'm referring to. (Side note: I'm allowed to end that sentence in a preposition despite it being poor grammar because I, unlike a noble, don't give a rat's ass about 'proper speech.')
What was I saying? Oh yes, supervision in their feelings.
You see, nobles are raised to repress any emotion other than superiority over their fellow human, be that another noble or of course the common people. Despite the fact that commoners wildly outnumber nobles and have been increasing in population for centuries now, nobles believe themselves to be well and truly above everyone else. This leaves little room for such insignificant emotions like compassion, sadness, anger, fear, and the worst emotion of all: joy! You may receive the occasional irritation or even boredom, but intense emotive responses are to be eschewed. Therefore, you must be prepared to anticipate their feelings and react accordingly.
This exhausting task is what I'd like to call Emotional Supervision. Now that we've defined it, allow me to explain how to navigate it.
Of course, while the common folk found this to be absolutely hilarious, it was causing a bit of a stir among the nobility. Marquis Ballad demanded the books be removed from the shelves and subsequently burned. The courts threw that complaint out right away, of course. Disgraced Duke Helmut Albarea opened a petition to get the books banned, but it only worked in certain shops in cities where the nobles outnumbered the commoners, who ordered it directly from a line of stores in Heimdallr anyway. There were even a few barons who tried to make it illegal to own a copy, but the laws stood firm in defining seditious texts (such as ones urging a coup d'etat) versus what was allowed. The Care and Feeding of Your Noble was satire, pure and simple.
-
"It's tasteless," Jusis said, tossing the book down on the table.
He'd just joined the rest of Class VII for one of their meetups in Heimdallr. They rented out the back room of a nice restaurant, and he was the second to last to arrive. Their group chat had been abuzz about the book for a while now and he finally picked up a copy. While he wasn't incensed about it in the way his father was, or even overly bothered like some nobles, he still didn't care for it.
"It's hilarious," said Fie, sliding over the pitcher of iced tea.
Jusis thanked her and sat down, pouring himself a glass. He helped himself to the array of appetizers they'd ordered as well. "It dehumanizes nobles. While I appreciate the satirical nature, I can still dislike it."
"I find myself in agreement," said Laura. "There is humor to be found in it, though it is rather distasteful."
Fie shrugged. "Helped me out in my relationship," she said, blowing Laura a kiss.
Laura frowned, but there was a bit of a blush to her cheeks. "Fie. Honestly."
But they were all too used to Fie's shenanigans to rise to the bait.
Jusis addressed Rean. "What do you think?" he asked. "You're in a rather unique position in our group. You've always been at the center."
Rean shifted a little uncomfortably. "Well. I can't say that it thrills me to be compared to a pet-"
"An untrained puppy or unruly kitten," Emma interjected.
Elliot covered a laugh. "That was a little mean. What chapter was that again? Six?"
"Seven," Fie corrected.
"You cannot lump us all into one pot," Jusis insisted. "It galls me to have to agree with my father on anything - and I do not support his inane lawsuit - it's on the wrong side of tact."
"I kind of agree?" Rean said, though it was more of a question. "Really, if nobles just ignored it, it would probably go away that much faster. Pushing against the publishing company is just going to generate more press, and that's going to make the book even more popular."
"Tch, that is absolutely the truth," Jusis agreed. "My brother's been trying to mitigate the problems, advising we all just ignore it. Ironically this is the one topic on which they're choosing to ignore him."
Fie and Emma shared a private laugh.
"What?" Jusis asked, frowning.
"Erm, I think it was how you said that sentence," Elliot said.
"On which they're choosing to ignore him," Fie repeated, mocking him a bit.
"It's proper grammar!" Jusis insisted.
Thankfully the door opened, interrupting the impending argument. Machias entered, carrying a stack of folders, talking with someone on his ARCUS.
"I understand. Three o'clock. Saturday. I'll be there. Right." He paused. "No, I've got to go. Okay, thank you, sir."
He flipped his ARCUS shut, gave them all an apologetic grin, and set his things down. He leaned over and gave Jusis a kiss before taking the seat next to him. The rest of Class VII was also too used to that to say anything. Though Fie was smirking.
"You're late," Jusis said, with a slightly annoyed edge to his tone.
"Meeting ran over and then I had to take a few calls," said Machias. "I'll make it up to you. I promise."
Jusis seemed mollified, and picked up a menu. "Well, now that we're all here, should we order?"
"Who are you meeting on Saturday?" Gaius asked, taking a menu as well.
Machias picked through the last of the table's appetizers, then helped himself to a sip of Jusis's iced tea. "Just a convention thing I need to go to. Nothing big."
"You've been so busy lately," Alisa noted. "Busier even than I am, and that's saying something."
"Mmhm," Machias agreed. "Between the job, extra classes, side projects, and this one," he said, inclining his head toward Jusis, "I have my day pretty much scheduled from the minute I wake up to the minute before bed."
"You're going to burn yourself out," said Rean.
"Well… Maybe." Machias frowned.
"You are," Jusis agreed.
The server entered to take their orders, which they all gave. Machias's ARCUS rang and he excused himself to take it.
"You okay?" Rean asked Jusis quietly, as their friends moved to a different topic of conversation.
"He has been running himself ragged. It's really changed in the last few weeks," Jusis admitted, keeping his voice down. "Of course he still makes time to see me, but I'm worried."
"Maybe you should tell him that?" Rean asked.
"Tch. As if he'd even listen to me. Besides, it's fine." Jusis shrugged, though Rean could tell it was still bothering him.
Machias returned, tucking his ARCUS away into his pocket. "Sorry about that."
"I'm going to steal it from you," said Fie. "And toss it out the window if it rings again."
Machias rolled his eyes. "So, how's everyone been?"
"We were discussing the book that's making the rounds," said Gaius. "I admit I haven't read it yet, but Jusis and Laura seem a bit put off by it."
"Book?" Machias asked, and his eyes went to the book that Gaius was reaching for.
"You'd get a kick out of it!" Fie said. "The Care and Feeding of Your Noble-"
"A Commoner's Guide… Yeah," said Machias, frowning, looking at the cover. "I'm… familiar with it," he said, watching Gaius and Emma thumb through it, Emma pointing out her favorite parts.
"How's your dad dealing with it?" Elliot asked. "I heard the Reformist Faction's split on opinion."
Machias shrugged. "It's giving him a headache. Which is a problem, but he's dealing with it. Some of them think it's hilarious, others think it'll hurt their position. I don't really want to talk about that, though. Let's catch up!" he suggested.
"I agree," said Jusis. "What else has been going on in everyone's lives?"
Thankfully the conversation shifted once again.
-
Today Only: Book Signing!
Get your signed copy of Heimdallr's hottest how-to hit!
The banner was large, flapping in the late afternoon breeze. Jusis frowned, looking at the address on his ARCUS. This was the correct place, but what would Machias be doing here? He said it was a convention, not a book signing he was attending. Maybe Jusis had just misheard him. But no, it had been in Machias's calendar as "convention" when he'd taken a peek through his ARCUS. He wanted to show up and surprise him, maybe go for dinner together when it was all over. This special trip into the capital was supposed to be for Machias's sake.
"Of course he'd come to this," Jusis muttered, once he realized what book it was for.
They hadn't spoken about it apart from a brief conversation with the rest of Class VII. What little time they had together was spent discussing other things and enjoying one another's company. Actually, Jusis reasoned, a lot of it was spent with him complaining about his duties as acting duke of the Kreuzen province. Which was another reason why he wanted to surprise Machias. He was trying to make it up to him.
And Machias was lying about his schedule.
Annoyed, he entered the book store and looked around. To say it was packed was an understatement. The shop was large, two floors, and the main floor had been cleared for the event. Chairs were lined up in rows and most of them were filled already. A clerk wearing a polo shirt with the store's logo embroidered on it approached him.
"Hello! Are you here for the event? Regular sales are suspended during the reading, but we'll reopen after the signing is over. We're standing room only at this point. Did you bring your own copy or did you want to purchase one?"
Jusis frowned. The popularity of this stupid book was not overstated. At least in Heimdallr, he thought. Bareahard's shops still had plenty of copies, though he knew that Rufus had started to purchase one every single time their father complained about it. Spite was a powerful driving force, Jusis understood.
"I'll hold off for now, thank you," he said.
"There's space just over there," she told him. "We're going to start soon."
She moved to go help a few others at checkout. Jusis stood near one of the shelves, arms crossed, trying to see if he could spot Machias. He wasn't in the crowd as far as he could see. If he wasn't here, then where was he? Jusis scowled and took out his ARCUS, intending to call him.
"Oh sir, no calls," said a different clerk. "We're going to have to ask you to put that away. And if you want a picture with the author you'll have to wait in line for the signing."
Jusis sighed but did as he was told, tucking it back into his pocket.
A man in a suit stepped up on the little dais that had been set up, moving in front of a lectern. He adjusted the microphone. "Hello everyone! Thank you so much for joining us on this auspicious day. When I signed on as Mr. Micah Julius's publisher, I don't think either of us had the slightest idea just how popular the book would become."
Jusis crossed his arms. Perhaps this would be interesting after all. He could finally figure out who the evasive Mr. Micah Julius actually was - something that had been difficult for his father and Ballad. Thankfully, Marquises Hyarms and Rogner seemed to want to stay out of it as much as possible, though there were notable paragraphs dedicated to their children. Not by name, of course, but Jusis recognized the dig on Angelica's hedonistic ways and Patrick's 'delicate arrogance'.
The man continued, talking about how he and Julius had met and how the book was pitched, and Jusis zoned out a little. He did clap politely as the author was announced, however, and watched as a familiar looking man stepped onto the dais.
"Thanks, everyone!" said Machias, waving to the crowd. "Heh, to tell the truth, I'm a little overwhelmed here. What started out as just a funny bit of journaling ended up being notes for this year's number one bestseller. I hadn't even intended on publishing it but, well, here we are." He looked at his publisher. "Questions, right?"
The man nodded.
"I'll take a couple questions, then read a few excerpts," said Machais. "Um. You, in the pink shirt."
One of the people in the crowd stood up. "I guess what a lot of people want to know is how much experience do you actually have with the subject matter."
Jusis glared at Machias, wondering if looks were able to kill. He was still breathing, so unfortunately they could not. Yes, Machias, he thought, do tell the entire room how much experience you have with the subject matter.
Machias grinned. "Well, a bit. I attended a mixed school and met someone there who became very special to me in a really short amount of time, actually. I used to have a strong anti-noble opinion, but they changed my mind. Parts of it anyway." He was blushing ever so slightly. "I still don't care for the class system, but that's for another day."
"So," someone else said, "are you dating them? Are you still together?"
Machias cleared his throat. "I ah… yes. We are."
"What does she think about the book?" someone else asked.
Jusis frowned. The publishing company had done its job hiding Machias's identity well. It seemed that not only did no one here realize his real name, they didn't recognize that he was the son of the Imperial Governor either. Not that it was country-wide news that he and Machias were together - and had been for some time - but surely a few people were aware of it.
"It's uh," Machias started. "He doesn't really care for it, actually."
Laughter rolled through the crowd.
"But I'd rather not linger on that. He deserves his privacy," said Machias, and called on the next person.
Someone else stood up. "So is it all really just satire, or is there some truth to it?"
Jusis felt the strangest mix of emotions. Part of him wanted to go up there and rescue Machias, to tell these people to leave him alone and stop badgering him. The other part was happy that Machias had made his bed and now he had to lie in it.
"Well, there's always truth in satire," said Machias. "The class divide is always going to be an issue, but it shouldn't separate us as people. Despite the differences between commoners and nobles, we can always find some common ground."
It was a change from their first meeting, Jusis thought, as Machias took a few more questions, then started to read from the book. When they were students they were both guarded, on edge, egos overblown. Neither wanted to listen to the other. He, personally, was aloof, keeping everyone at arm's length. While Machias was frankly an arrogant hothead who thought he knew better than the rest of them. Sara once called them a lit match and a powder keg, though it was difficult to figure out which was which. Despite that, or maybe because of it, they'd found their 'common ground'.
Just because their initial common ground happened to be really, really good sex didn't mean they weren't able to work out other aspects of their relationship eventually. Machias still got uptight and overly stressed, and Jusis tended to monopolize most of their conversations with his own issues. Machias could be a little neglectful in alerting Jusis to his schedule changes, while Jusis wasn't as understanding of Machias's busy schedule. Still, in the end, they were working it out.
That was, after all, why he was here.
He slipped through the crowd and took a copy of the book off the display table. It was a new edition with a different dust jacket. He opened it up and looked at the inside back flap, smirking at the stupid black and white photo of Machias's face. The cat was indeed out of the bag now, as the commoners would say, he thought. As soon as this copy was distributed, it would be all over the capital that Carl Regnitz's son was the illustrious Micah Julius.
"Idiot," he muttered, and went to pay for his copy.
-
Machias's hand was starting to cramp as he signed, "Micah Julius" for what felt like the thousandth time. But this is what the publishers wanted. After about a dozen meetings with them, his father, and a few others in the Reformist Faction, it was decided just to push forward with it. After all, it was reasoned, the book was satire, and it did seem to be rather popular with both commoners and nobles alike. Even if some in the latter group were trying to get it banned or burned.
It had been a pain point for his father for a bit, but the sting had worn off. And who knew where this would possibly lead in terms of Machias's own career? Adding 'published author' to his long list of accomplishments was a grand achievement after all. Not that he was going to continue in the same genre, but writing another book in the future was something he was seriously considering. Maybe on the political machinations amidst the capital.
He reached up, taking a newly purchased book from the next person in line and looked up, about to ask who he should make it out to when he froze.
"Hello, 'Micah'," Jusis said.
"Jusis?! What the hell are you doing here?"
It wasn't what he meant to say. It just came out.
Jusis raised an eyebrow. "That's fairly rich, considering what you are doing here. When were you going to tell me?"
Machias swallowed hard. The truth was, he wasn't sure. He should have done it before the signing. "I was going to call you tonight. I thought you were in Bareahard this week."
"I made a special trip. To see you," Jusis added.
Ouch.
"Let's keep the line moving!" said Machias's publisher in a glorious moment of exceedingly bad timing.
"Make it out to, 'milord'," Jusis said, tapping the cover. "And we'll talk about this later."
As he wrote the dedication, Machias wasn't sure how to feel about that. While he and Jusis teased one another in private, jokingly referring to one another as 'milord' and 'filthy commoner', it was clear he'd messed up. But Jusis didn't seem angry. Or maybe that was just Machias hoping he wasn't. He finished signing, then handed it to him.
"I'll see you tonight at the place where we had our first real date," Jusis said. "Six o'clock. Don't be late."
Machias nodded. "All right."
Jusis smirked, then left.
Machias exhaled, though the anxiety didn't quite leave him, and he called the next person forward.
-
The bell over the door jangled as Machias stepped inside. He inhaled, the familiar scent of garlic and oregano permeating the little pizzeria. The dining area was not very large, and there was a little sign that said, "Seat Yourself!" that stood next to an empty host desk. He glanced around and easily found Jusis, who was sitting at a two person table near the window. With a bit of trepidation he went over and sat down across from him.
"Even got the same table as the first time," Machias said carefully.
"Mm, indeed. I wished for it to be nostalgic."
"I still remember your reaction when you walked in," said Machias.
Jusis scoffed. "No you don't."
"It was the first time you'd ever had a pizza. 'What is that delicious smell?' you asked." Machias was trying to gauge his mood, and relaxed when he saw the corners of Jusis's lips curl up.
"Garlic," Jusis said. "I knew it was garlic. I already ordered, by the way. Go get us drinks."
"Milord is so very demanding," said Machias, but he dutifully went to the counter to order two glasses to stay. The orbal soda machine clicked on as he filled both, an iced tea for Jusis, a lemonade for himself. Just like the first time.
Jusis thanked him when he returned and took a sip. "You should have told me."
"I know. I'm sorry," Machias said, without a hint of defensiveness. "It happened really fast and my schedule got overwhelming. This is the last of it, though."
"Why?" Jusis asked.
"Pizza's up!" called the man behind the counter.
Machias got up to get it, along with plates, napkins, and a knife and fork for Jusis.
"Why what?" Machias asked, carefully placing the pie between them.
"Why is it the last of it?" Jusis took a slice, wiped his fingers on his napkin, and then began to carefully cut off a small bite.
Machias shrugged and took a slice for himself. "I didn't really want to do the signing in the first place, but the deal was that I would do it, then that would be it. The royalties are insane. I don't need any more publicity."
Jusis scoffed. "You deserve it."
"You didn't like the book!" Machias insisted.
"Tch. Some parts were decent, I suppose," Jusis relented. "Besides, my perspective has changed."
"How so?" Machias asked, folding his slice and taking a bite.
"Before I read it, I didn't realize that it was about us. Now I do. I've given it some thought and I've decided that I'm flattered."
Machias rolled his eyes. "Oh, right. You decided to be flattered."
"Chapter Eight," said Jusis. Then he quoted. "'Your noble will reserve the right to change their mind whenever it suits them. You might see this as them being fickle, but once you accept it, it makes their mood changes endearing instead of infuriating'."
"Ugh, of course you would use my words against me," said Machias, but he was grinning.
"Admit it," said Jusis, "You find me endearing."
"Not a chance."
Jusis chuckled. Then he reached across the table, taking Machias's hand, brushing away the pizza crumbs from his fingers. "You'll be coming to Bareahard this weekend?"
Machias nodded. "I cleared the whole weekend. I might have some paperwork to finish up but I'll try to get it done before then. I promise." He paused. "You weren't serious about teaching me to ride a horse, were you?"
Jusis smirked. "After this stunt you pulled?" he said, referring to the book. "We are doing everything that I want to do this weekend. No exceptions. And," he added as Machias started to say something, "no complaints, either. I don't want to hear it from your filthy commoner mouth. You've said enough in your book. For a lifetime."
Machias sighed, squeezed his hand, and released it. "Very well," he said. "Whatever milord wants, milord shall get."
"And that," said Jusis, pointing his fork at Machias, "was in the final chapter."
Machias grinned. "Yeah. Yeah, it sure was."