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You were still new to the circle, clenching your fists and swallowing hard whenever you had to talk to someone, having learned that your stubbornness would get you nowhere in the circle a few weeks before.
You had almost been there a month but still had trouble getting around, you were restricted to the apprentices floor for that month after a rather awful incident with a few of the bathtubs and some spoiled food that had been snuck from the kitchens. You insisted it was Jowan's fault and ignored the brunette for days as his punishment.
So when the restriction had been lifted, you were very shocked to say the least, there were so many floors that you had to memorize, and you got lost more than you thought was possible. You had to ask for help more often than your pride would've liked, but you clenched your fists and ground your teeth through it.
Jowan made sure to constantly comment on your severe lack of direction every chance he got, you grumbled and pushed him, stomping off and leaving his laughter behind.
You had met Jowan the day you were brought to the circle, you stayed away from the other apprentices and kept to yourself, so when he came up to you, you were startled.
You had been mumbling to yourself on your assigned bunk, against the back wall. When suddenly a cold hand on your arm caused you to jump and hit your head on the bunk above you.
You groaned and rubbed your head, turning to glare at whoever had caused your pain. "Hello, I'm Jowan!" An all too chipper voice and bright brown eyes greeted you as you turned around, your angry expression fell and you found yourself mumbling your own name in response. Jowan invited himself onto your bunk and began telling you about his first few weeks at the tower while you sent silently next to him.
That was the start of your friendship with the mage, and through that friendship you found yourself acting like you did before coming to the Circle more and more. Which was how you ended up getting confined to the first floor of the tower.
Today, you decided you would explore the second floor and subsequently got lost in the halls. You inwardly yelled at yourself, grumbling about how the tower was literally a giant circle and the fact that you constantly got lost spoke volumes about your character. Maybe if you wouldn't daydream so much, you berated yourself.
You wandered around the floor until you found yourself in the library, you recognized it from all the books and the many desks that occupied the room. You walked up to the first person you saw in a robe, as you trusted the other mages far more than the armored Templar. You took a deep breath and steeled yourself before approaching them.
"Excuse me.." You quietly spoke, reaching out to tap the mage.
"Yes, how may I assist." The flat voice caused you to pause as the mage turned around. The first thing you noticed were the dull eyes, void of emotion. The chantry symbol on the forehead is what you noticed next.
"Um.. Sorry to bother.. you.." Your request for help was forgotten as what this person was fully registered in your mind, recalling a conversation you had with Jowan several days prior.
"What do you mean? Don't you just stay an apprentice and try again later?" You asked Jowan, squinting at him in confusion as he shook his head in response.
"If you fail your Harrowing, they kill you or make you a tranquil," Jowan said. You blinked owlishly, your mouth falling open in shock.
"Kill us?!" You whisper-shouted as you recalled the fact that the other apprentices were sleeping.
"That's not so bad, it's becoming a tranquil that scares me," Jowan visibly shuddered and you just became confused once more.
"How is that worse than dying?" You stressed the word.
"When you become tranquil, they take away everything! It cuts off your connection of the fade and your emotions, it leaves you empty!" Jowan cried, grabbing at your blankets and curling his hands into fists. The thought of such a thing makes you sick and you hug Jowan close.
You didn't get any sleep that night.
You found yourself rapidly backing up before you ran into something, your eyes widened in fright.
"Are you alright?" The templar you had run into asked, offering you a hand. You stood frozen for several moments until you dashed past him, tears running down your cheeks.
"NO!" You screamed, the thought of being made tranquil running through your mind, you ran past several others, veering away as they reached out to you. Barreling past those who didn't get out of the way in time.
After several minutes you ran into Jowan who was carrying a stack of books, you accidently knocked them over and stared at the books as they fell to the ground.
"Hey! What was that f-" Jowan was cut off as you all but slammed into him, fisting his shirt as you clung to him. Jowan's anger was forgotten as he guided you to the floor, gently petting your hair. "Hey, it's okay," he gently whispered as your small frame shook with sobs.
"I don't wanna be made tranquil!" Your cry caused Jowan to stiffen, before he wrapped his arms around you, clinging to you just as tightly.
"I won't let them," Jowan promised firmly, allowing you to cry for as long as you needed.